How do I get over breaking up with someone bad?

1. The decision to end a relationship is based on a realistic assessment of the situation and a silent evaluation of the circumstances. You are the best judge of your feelings and their implications. It is natural to experience emotional distress as a result of the change, and it is common to feel lost, hurt, and confused about the loss. The positive aspect is that you have a clear direction in this matter: "Get out quickly" rather than lingering and wondering.

Life is full of challenges and opportunities. Having a clear understanding of your goals and direction is likely to be the most crucial factor in achieving them.

2. There was a mutual interest and attraction. Regardless of whether you consider yourself a selfish jerk or a PUA, you should be able to admit that there were also sweet and intimate moments. There was a fluttering heart and blush when you were first getting close, wasn't there?

Regardless of whether your mutual attraction was fleeting or impulsive, at the very least, you were sincere and happy when you chose to be together. For those moments, you were both the optimal choice for each other, willing and irreproachable.

3. If you fail to acknowledge the possibility of change, or if you fail to manage the situation effectively, or if you are inflexible about changes to each other, you will be angry with the other person's changes, resent your own start, and then question your own worthiness, deservingness, and goodness. Ultimately, you will be unable to accurately and clearly sort out and judge your own right and wrong, what is right and wrong, and gains and losses in this situation. It may appear that you have broken up and that you have to go, but you will still be caught up in the past, which is entangled in a mystery and a mess.

4. It is possible that they do not know each other well enough. As time goes by, they may discover more and more unknown aspects of each other, leading to a lack of positive or negative feelings towards each other's words and deeds. It is also possible that they no longer have the same level of interest in each other as they once did, or that they have developed new interests. In other words, both individuals have changed, and their preferences have shifted. The aspects they like and dislike have also changed. Everything is evolving, and people and things are different.

It is not an error to have positive feelings towards someone; there are reasons why one might not have such feelings. If you find yourself thinking about him, it is likely that you are remembering the original version of him, rather than the current one. Do you find yourself thinking about his misdeeds when you view his updates?

If you can maintain a clear perspective on the situation, your initial positive feelings may be balanced by a firm negative opinion. This clarity may help to reduce the emotional distress associated with the breakup.

I wish you the best in your future endeavors.

Hello, question asker. I can see you're feeling confused, and I'm here to support you!

One of the issues you're facing is related to your thinking.

As a woman, you're naturally more emotional.

So, you'll tell yourself that you can't just get over it by breaking up.

Your logical mind is telling you to accept that you broke up with a bad guy because there's nothing to miss.

But your emotional brain is telling you that you invested money, time, and energy in the relationship. This is called the "silent cost" in psychology, so you can easily move on.

So, that's why you're feeling so conflicted and in pain.

The thing is, you and he are already in the past.

Since it's in the past, there's no need to keep an eye on what he's up to.

You might want to try doing some other things during this period of time. For example, you could think about developing some of your other interests and hobbies.

When you have things to do, you won't dwell on this negative person.

If you're still unsure, I'd recommend speaking to a professional counselor.

A counselor is a professional who can provide you with better advice.

I really hope you can find a solution to the problem you're facing soon.

At the moment, that's all I can think about.

I hope my answer was helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner. I'm the one who answered, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and wish you the best!

Just a quick note to say hi and wish you well!

Hello.

I am a listening therapist, Yang Mengnan, and I have carefully read what you wrote.

I can feel your conflicted feelings. On the one hand, you still have feelings for your ex-boyfriend. On the other hand, your rational mind tells you that he is not a reliable person. You want to urgently get out of this relationship that is intertwined with love and pain. I understand this feeling of yours. I know that for someone who has been invested in love, the period of breaking up is not easy.

You said you know he's a terrible person but still want to see his updates and sometimes miss him. I'm here to tell you that this is normal. It's a normal stage of mourning for a relationship that caused you pain.

Think about it. Before, there was always another person in your life, and suddenly that person is gone. Even if it's not a person but something else, we will all be uncomfortable and will miss them for a while. So if you want to see him, go ahead and see him. There's no need to suppress and blame yourself here. Just see how he's been getting on recently, and then get on with your own work and life.

You feel aggrieved, and I feel aggrieved too. I feel your anger towards your ex-boyfriend. You were aggrieved in this relationship. You should have let him hear and see this aggrieved and angry you. If you didn't, then you are even more aggrieved. You deserve a big hug.

You've been apart for half a month, and that's not enough time to slowly grow apart. It's going to take time to get out of this situation, but you can do it. Use this time to do something you enjoy and schedule other things in the time you used to spend with your ex. This will help you feel better.

Hello, question asker.

You feel miserable because you can't get out of this relationship.

I understand how you feel.

People have feelings. You've been together for two years.

Every little thing you do together will be in your memories. You probably still check his social media out of habit because lovers often share their daily lives. You still want to know how he is doing.

You need to decide whether it's more painful to be with him or to be apart.

From what you say, it's clear that he scolds you and hits on you, which will undoubtedly lead to low self-esteem. It's likely that you feel he's treating you like a favor, that he likes you despite your flaws, and that he's being too nice to you.

Falling in love with someone will make her feel cute and valuable, and accept her flaws. That's a given.

You did nothing wrong. You met someone like this, which is really upsetting. And it is likely that at the beginning, you were also considered an option.

This is a complete denial of your value, which is causing you pain.

This is a process of saying goodbye. You want his affirmation, but there's no chance now. You broke up, and his affirmation no longer means anything to you. He's selfish and irresponsible. You don't expect a reunion, but you hope he'll apologize.

Such people are incapable of considering things from your perspective. They only think about themselves. It was sleeting and snowing, and he didn't even think about your safety, which shows how cold-hearted he is.

I must say goodbye to this relationship. I have worked hard, and I will come out of it soon. I deserve someone who truly loves me.

I will live well.

Come on!

Hello, I'm Zeyu.

Let's be real. Breaking up is always rough. It's normal to still be reeling from it even if the person you broke up with was bad news.

The relationship may be bad, and the other person may be a bad person. This is reality. We can see it, and we can stop it. This is good. The problem of not getting over a breakup has nothing to do with whether the other person is good or bad. We will feel reluctant and nostalgic for the relationship. We will feel separation anxiety. This is inevitable.

We want to pick ourselves up and get back on track as soon as possible. We need time to heal and to give ourselves time to heal. We didn't do anything wrong. We shouldn't live as losers or weak victims. That will only make us resent each other and hurt ourselves.

It's time to recognize the benefits of leaving the relationship and the experiences that can bring us comfort. We can also start anew. If we're feeling sorrow, we can talk to friends and family or record our feelings in an emotional diary.

Hello, my dear friend. I know you understand that breaking up with this person is actually beneficial to you. After all, you haven't received equal respect and care in the relationship. Instead, you've been PUA'd and hurt by him. It's so hard to let go emotionally, and I know you're still suffering from the injustice and pain.

It's totally normal to feel this way. After all, when we've invested so much emotion in a relationship, it can take a while to feel detached. Our emotions have a way of sticking with us, and it's not easy to suddenly disconnect from the relationship.

On the other hand, his indifference during the breakup and the possibility of treating you as an alternative before have left the relationship unfinished, leaving a sense of unfinished business that is more likely to make people emotionally torn. I know it can be really tough when things don't end well in a relationship. It's natural to feel a bit torn when you're still processing everything.

It's totally normal to feel resentful and confused when you're in this situation. It's natural to wonder why you're being treated this way. But try not to get too caught up in it. It's important to remember that everyone has different values, emotions, and attitudes. Some people are serious about relationships, while others are more casual.

It's totally normal to find it tricky to judge what someone else is thinking and feeling straight away. It often takes a while to understand someone better. If you feel like your partner's attitude and expectations don't match yours, and you want to leave the relationship, that's a totally valid decision. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.

Intimate relationships are part of personal growth. Both joy and pain are experiences that gradually help us to better understand our own needs. You might even find that you can see what your needs and expectations are in an intimate relationship, which could help you find a relationship that matches your needs in the future.

Just as a physical injury needs time to heal, emotional wounds also take time to heal. There's absolutely no need to suppress the pain you're feeling now. In fact, allowing the release of emotions can help with complete healing in the long run. At this stage, please focus your attention and energy on self-care. Treat yourself like a good friend, say supportive and encouraging words, and tell yourself that you deserve to be treated better.

You can also say goodbye to the past in a ritualistic way. For example, you could write a letter that you won't send. In the letter, you could say things you haven't had time to say, express your feelings, and then tear it up. If you have trusted friends and family around you, you might as well talk to them. Or you could go out and see the scenery and the many different ways of life.

Good morning, my name is Coach Yu, and I would like to discuss this topic with you.

It is unfortunate that two individuals who once shared a romantic connection were unable to surmount the emotional challenges together. However, it is not possible to remain in a state of stagnation indefinitely. If one party has accumulated significant fatigue and disappointment and recognizes that the relationship is not conducive to personal growth, and has ceased exploring alternative avenues for resolution, they have the option to terminate the relationship.

As the questioner stated, I am aware that he lacks responsibility and accountability, and is highly self-centered.

However, in the real world, despite the fact that the relationship has formally ended, it is not always easy to fully let go. There is a tendency to try to justify the situation by reassuring oneself that it is okay, while simultaneously avoiding dealing with the emotional impact of the breakup. As the original poster noted, it has been half a month since the separation, yet there is still a desire to see updates from the former partner and a tendency to think about them. This can lead to feelings of distress and a sense of injustice.

In the long run, it is essential to achieve a true psychological closure of the relationship. This not only allows for personal renewal and self-reflection but also provides insights into other significant relationships, enabling more effective navigation.

The initial step is to accept this unavoidable emotional consequence, which represents a genuine loss and departure.

It is advisable to make some practical and physical separation, such as packing away items that serve as constant reminders of your former partner, including photographs and mementos. Additionally, modifying the room layout can help create a fresh environment and space.

Furthermore, it is advisable to approach this dissolution of the relationship in a positive manner, bid farewell to the former self, and create space for the new self to flourish. To this end, it may be helpful to reflect on how you felt when the relationship came to an end.

What are the implications of this loss for me? What other feelings do I have about this relationship?

Please describe the circumstances surrounding the breakup. Record and organize these memories and feelings. Which feelings and emotions were triggered by the breakup, and which were amplified by past experiences? Please note that your writing is only for yourself, so feel free to write about your feelings honestly. This will help us understand the origin and impact of our emotions, and also help us clarify the root of the problem.

As a final step, you may wish to perform a small ritual to formally announce the end of the relationship to yourself. This could take the form of a letter or a visit to a natural setting where you can express your feelings.

The subsequent step is to reconstruct meaning, which entails identifying new meaning in the dissolution of the relationship.

We may inquire as to whether any unanticipated benefits have resulted from the dissolution of the relationship. If so, what are they?

Additionally, it is worthwhile to consider whether the dissolution of the relationship has influenced one's perspective on relationships and personal values.

Additionally, it would be beneficial to consider what actions, if any, taken during the two-year relationship period may have contributed to the dissolution. Has there been any change in my self-perception as a result of this experience?

Has there been any insight gained regarding the nature of love?

It is important to allow ourselves the space to be occasionally unable to let go and vulnerable, to slowly accept and slowly say goodbye. It is essential to respect your own emotional rhythm.

In light of our current status as single individuals, we can inquire of ourselves, "What does this remind me of? It's not true!"

By accepting our emotions and allowing them to flow, we can reduce the likelihood of acting out due to emotional repression.

It is also advisable to seek assistance, as overcoming this issue may require time and support. Identify a family member or trusted friend who has consistently provided positive guidance and seek their counsel. If necessary, you can also consult with a counselor or join a support group, as expressing emotions can help relieve the emotional burden and blockages that often arise in such circumstances.

It is also beneficial to relax the mind. On weekends, one can go for a walk to listen to the frogs croaking in the rice fields and smell the birds chirping and flowers blooming. This can help to maintain happiness and personal growth, while also engaging in activities such as reading and exercise. It is important to recognize that life is a cycle and that one's actions can influence its trajectory.

I would like to suggest the following book for your consideration: The Power of Self-Care.

I empathize with your current emotional state. The experience of heartbreak is undoubtedly distressing, particularly when one realizes that the other person is not a reliable source of trust. However, it is essential to recognize that you possess the capacity to overcome this challenge and reclaim your own sense of well-being. To facilitate a more expedient recovery, I offer the following recommendations:

It is essential to accept the reality of the situation and acknowledge the pain associated with the dissolution of the relationship. It is crucial not to attempt to avoid or suppress these emotions, but rather to express and release them in a constructive manner.

It is advisable to terminate contact and avoid any reminders of the relationship. Despite the temptation to monitor the other person's activities, it is crucial to allow sufficient time and space for healing. Attempting to avoid checking the other person's social media or maintaining contact will help to reduce thoughts and memories of the relationship.

It is advisable to seek support and share one's feelings with others. It is beneficial to confide in friends and family, who can provide emotional support and comfort, which can help one cope with the pain of losing love.

It is recommended that individuals focus on self-growth and boost self-confidence. This can be achieved by directing attention towards oneself and focusing on personal development. One may enhance self-confidence and sense of self-worth by acquiring new skills, joining interest groups, or engaging in physical activities.

It is recommended that individuals set goals and plan for the future. Formulating short-term and long-term goals, along with a plan to achieve them, can assist in maintaining a positive outlook and facilitate the gradual process of moving on from a romantic loss.

It is recommended that one maintain an open mind and seek out a new relationship when the time is right to resume dating. It is important not to lose faith in the possibility of finding happiness, despite past experiences.

It is important to remember that the termination of the relationship is not a reflection of personal inadequacy. Rather, it is a natural progression that allows for the pursuit of individual happiness. By maintaining self-belief and facing the future with courage, it is possible to overcome this period and find genuine fulfilment.

Let me be clear: if you can't get over someone you broke up with who is not a good person, you need to face the facts.

Hug yourself. You know full well that this other person is a bad person (or a boyfriend). You say that he has no responsibility, no sense of responsibility, is selfish, and he will pua you. His character is not good either. After being with you, he is still in contact with his ex-girlfriend and wants to make up.

You still want to know how the other person is doing even after half a month of breaking up. Looking at their updates makes you think about them, and it's much more painful. You feel aggrieved? You are aggrieved with yourself because you have put in effort into a relationship but have not received the same in return. You are aggrieved with your obsession, including thinking about him. You are not missing this person. What is there to miss about this person?

The original poster needs to make the most of each day. This means working hard, taking things one step at a time, eating well, taking good care of yourself, taking care of your emotions, and your body.

Read books that enrich you, do things that interest you, distract yourself, and don't give yourself time to miss everything related to him.

That's all I have to say for now. I love you, Yixinli! And I'm telling you, you deserve better. You can do it!

Dear questioner, I'm really sorry to hear you've been in such a bad relationship. It's totally normal to still feel low half a month after the breakup.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Give yourself some time to heal.

First of all, I want to say that your experiences in this relationship are real, and your pain and grievances are valid. He may be irresponsible, selfish, and shirk his responsibilities, but your feelings are real, and the time and energy you have invested in him cannot be erased.

So don't be in too much of a hurry to reject the relationship, and don't be too hard on yourself.

We sometimes get caught in a cycle because of past experiences or emotional patterns. You understand that he isn't someone you can trust, but you still can't let go emotionally.

This is actually pretty normal. Our emotional brain is often harder to control than our rational brain, and it takes time to slowly adapt and adjust.

I'd like to tell you a little story. There was a girl who had also experienced a very painful relationship.

After the breakup, she was really sad every day and couldn't get out of it. Later, she decided to start recording her emotional changes and writing down her feelings and thoughts every day.

Over time, she noticed that her emotions were changing, and she was able to view the relationship more objectively, gradually letting go of her obsession. You might also want to try this method: record your emotions and thoughts to see if you can find a better way to face the relationship.

Of course, in addition to recording your emotions, there are also some specific psychological methods that can help you get over a broken heart more quickly. For example, you can try "cognitive restructuring," which means re-examining the relationship to identify the positive factors, while also recognizing the shortcomings and deficiencies of the other person.

This can help you take a more objective view of the relationship and reduce emotional dependence. You can also try self-care, which means paying more attention to your own needs and feelings and doing things that make you feel happy and satisfied.

This can help you develop a healthier sense of self and emotional patterns.

It's important to remember that a breakup is not just the end of a relationship. It's also an opportunity for personal growth. This relationship can help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and discover your emotional needs and patterns.

This will help you be more mature and rational in future relationships.

I know this may be tough right now, but I'm confident that with time, you'll be able to heal. I've included some specific suggestions below, and I hope you'll be able to find a method that suits you.

First, I suggest you try to develop an emotional management plan. Find a regular time each day to calm down and feel your emotions, and try to record them in words.

This can help you become more aware of your emotional changes and find ways to deal with them. For example, when you feel pain, try taking deep breaths or meditating to calm yourself down.

Second, set yourself some small goals and work towards them every day. These could be things like learning a new skill, taking part in a social activity, or completing a sports challenge.

Every time you achieve a small goal, you'll feel a sense of accomplishment, which will help boost your self-confidence and positive emotions.

It's also a good idea to stay in touch with friends and family and share your feelings and experiences with them. They'll be there for you and support you.

If you don't have anyone to talk to, you might want to think about joining some social groups or online communities to meet new people and share your story.

It's also important to look after your physical and mental health. Try to maintain a good routine, get enough sleep and eat a balanced diet.

Try some relaxing activities, such as yoga, massage, or listening to light music. These can help relieve stress and anxiety.

Finally, I just want to remind you not to rush into a new relationship. Give yourself enough time to heal and grow, and wait until you're ready to meet someone new.

At the same time, you need to learn to protect yourself from getting involved in unhealthy relationships again.

Dear questioner, I know these suggestions may seem trivial, but they are all very practical and effective. Please believe in yourself. You have what it takes to get over your breakup and embrace a better future.

I hope you'll find your way out of this tough spot and get back to feeling happy and joyful soon!

Hello!

After reading your description, I totally get where you're at!

First of all, you wrote in your description: "It's been half a month since we broke up. I know he's a lousy guy, but I can't help but want to see what he's up to. I still think about him, and it hurts when I think about him. I feel so wronged." This is a common reaction among lovers. It corresponds to a popular saying on the Internet: "Women don't love bad guys." In some cases, women are more attracted to men with slightly stronger personalities, distinctive characters, and fickle minds, while relatively traditional, uninteresting "good guys" may be considered boring or difficult to arouse a woman's interest.

However, the "bad" here does not refer to a person's character or integrity. It refers to breaking away from the traditional notion of a good man! This is someone who is full of interest in life, has a good sense of humor, has a romantic streak, and is able to surprise a woman and add new excitement to life. This is also the most common behavior of people in the early stages of a relationship.

The absolute best way to get over someone is to fall in love with someone else! I'm talking about finding your ideal marriage partner here, not a temporary fling.

From what you've told me, you probably need a "bad man" rather than a "good man"!

Second, you wrote in your description: "I've been heartbroken for half a month, and I know that he is irresponsible and selfish, and will only pass the buck. The night before we broke up, it was snowing at 10 o'clock. I left his house, and as soon as I did, he locked the door behind me without saying a word." Wow! What a story! I'm so sorry you're going through this, but it sounds like you're already moving on. I admire your strength.

From this description, it's clear that the relationship wasn't as strong as it could have been. It's obvious that he didn't want you to stay by his side either. You should know that even the most ordinary friend would never let a girl leave alone at night. Of course, when a man is determined to break off contact with a girl, this method is the most direct.

Similarly, there are also some "good men" who don't want the people they like to suffer with them because of their own problems, and this method works! Obviously, the man you describe is not like this.

You also mentioned that at the beginning of your two-year relationship, you might have been an alternative because after four months of dating, he still went to see his ex-girlfriend and made up with her even though you hadn't met yet. Later in the relationship, he kept hitting on you, and whenever you said something that didn't please him, he would use ten sentences to accuse you. Every time you had a fight, he would shift the blame onto you.

"When the other person still has someone they like in their heart, all your actions will be seen as "dog-skin plaster," and it's an unequal relationship. In this relationship, he has a choice, but you don't.

As you can see from the description of this emotional situation, he was just looking for a bit of comfort when he was lost, and you took this as an opportunity to show him how much you care. You became his emotional supporter. You long to use yourself to embrace all of his.

The starting point of this emotion is a misalignment, so that after the lovers get together, your role can only be a "punishment bag" or a listener.

Here's some great advice for you!

1. You have given a lot in this relationship, and because you have given so much, you are not willing to accept that you have lost everything. This is a feeling of unwillingness, but also a temptation.

One day, he will suddenly come looking for you, and you will still fall for it!

2. Whether or not he is a bad person, you cannot be 100% sure from the situation at hand. Perhaps all you can say is that you are not the person who can change him. At this time, you should devote all the emotions you used on him to yourself.

Go out there and live your life!

3. From this emotional experience, you can feel that you have lost yourself. But while you were losing yourself, you also gained something else: confidence!

Why not be the best version of yourself? You can completely reinvent yourself and make him regret it!

4. The best way to let go of the best thing in front of you is not to think about how to let go. Instead, you should think about how you should live a more interesting life! When your perspective and horizons become bigger, all this will be let go.

The above content is for your reference only!

Dear Landlord, I have read your description and wish to extend my support. I hope that my input will prove useful in helping you to navigate your current situation.

As previously stated in the article, the rationale behind the continued contemplation of a former romantic interest following a dissolution of the relationship can be attributed to the following factors:

This is due to the fact that a great deal of effort was expended during this period, resulting in significant emotional distress, and the perception that these efforts were not adequately reciprocated.

The pain caused by the dissolution of the relationship has not yet dissipated. Despite the perceived benefits of this newfound freedom, the emotional toll of the breakup remains palpable.

The dissolution of the relationship signifies a rebirth. To establish a superior relationship, it is essential to move beyond the present circumstances.

Given that the individual in question is no longer capable of demonstrating the requisite level of appreciation and respect, it would be prudent to move on from this association.

As the adage states, it is unwise to forsake the entirety of one's resources in pursuit of a single opportunity.

It can be reasonably assumed that, at this juncture, you are experiencing a plethora of emotions.

The most challenging aspect for you to acknowledge is the difficulty you are experiencing in accepting this relationship.

It would be beneficial to seize this opportunity to embark on a pleasant excursion, partake in novel culinary experiences, and allow these new encounters to facilitate the healing of past wounds.

It is imperative that you identify an individual with whom you can discuss the numerous distressing issues that are currently affecting you. If you are unable to do so, the negative emotions will continue to fester within you, causing significant distress.

It is recommended that you speak with your closest friend or a counselor on this platform.

It is possible that they may be able to assist in the resolution of these issues from an alternative perspective.

The following represents my current line of thinking on the matter.