How do you adjust your emotions when faced with a friend who speaks without restraint?

Hello, dear questioner!

I'm Kelly, and I'm here to help!

There are so many friends like this in our lives, and they really understand how you feel!

✍️[Diving certificate]

The questioner is awesome, and I also envy you for being able to scuba dive! This is probably something that only a few people get to do. I remember when I went to Thailand, I really wanted to go and have some fun, but I missed out on that experience due to a special period (my period).

I have friends who love it, and surfing?‍♀️, I think I can only envy you!

[Realization]

It's totally normal not to like it when friends say things like this. You might as well ask yourself if we don't also have some kind of insecurity deep down.

Did your friend's words stir your heart?

You can absolutely be aware of why you feel a little offended by these kinds of "unlucky" words! I also feel this way and have had some experiences, so I totally get it.

Let's dive into our amazing culture!

"In traditional Chinese culture, peace is highly valued, which is why blessings and lucky words are so popular. The content is also incredibly rich and detailed, which is truly amazing. People congratulate each other on New Year's Day, holidays, birthdays, entering school, weddings, promotions, having a baby, etc., and say a series of auspicious things. The speakers mean it, and the listeners are incredibly happy, because it seems that as long as everyone mentions it together, formally says it out loud, and has a sense of ritual, these good things will definitely happen. It's imbued with a particularly beautiful blessing, so the atmosphere is harmonious and the scene is warm."

I'll share with you a similar experience I had in the past:

1:

I remember that the first time I spoke without thinking, the person I didn't like was actually my mother. When I was a child, she always said, "Someone like you will never amount to anything in the future."

My mother's lack of ambition was due to the fact that we were from the countryside when we were young. What she meant was that I would spend my whole life working on the land. I hadn't even started going to school yet, so how could she have known!

Ever since I was in primary school, I have been bursting with curiosity. There are only so many people around me, but the outside world is so exciting, right?

I must not become like my mother said, with a "rebellious" spirit and a spirit of exploration. And I later discovered that there were so many worlds in books that my mother had never seen!

As it turned out, I was right! When I started flying around the world in my 30s, I was especially grateful to my mother for not speaking that way then. It was a real blessing!

2:

Guess what! The first time I heard a good friend of mine say that I would definitely get divorced in the future, he probably meant that I was popular, especially with the opposite sex.

I was blown away when I heard this, and it was a real wake-up call for me. Our marriage has had its ups and downs, but it has not ended in divorce, as my classmate predicted. Many people around me have divorced, but it has nothing to do with me.

3:

I'm relatively thin, 166 cm tall, and have always weighed 90 kg. At that time, many people, especially relatives and friends around me, said that I would have difficulty getting pregnant in the future. I used to think that they were too unacceptable to me after hearing it, but I've since proven them wrong!

Until I got pregnant and gave birth to a daughter, who weighed 7.5 kg at birth and had plenty of milk. And now she is also a girl over 170 cm tall!

These examples are really making me more confident and in control of myself. What I want to say is that what other people say has nothing to do with us, and it's so freeing to realize that!

If we don't agree with it and don't accept it, it simply doesn't affect us!

✍️[Hypothesis]

I bet your friend's way of speaking is like this! Some people are afraid of death themselves, and they express it in this way, which is also a way to relieve pressure. Maybe he is also worried about you, and he uses this way of expression to relieve the "tension" towards you.

✍️ It's also possible that he's trying to ramp up the thrill factor to really get your pulse racing!

It's incredible how many people in life there are who are always saying they are poor. They must be afraid of others saying they are poor!

Also, if someone keeps saying they are ugly, it's because they're actually afraid of others saying they are ugly.

✍️[Direct expression]

Now, imagine your friend said this to himself. Then, he went diving and used the same sentence: "I'll be down for five minutes and then come back up. If you call 911, we'll think he's very funny."

On the contrary, as the original poster said, it makes you uncomfortable, and that's a good thing!

Make time for these important conversations! You and your friends have so much time together, so you can't afford to let these feelings go unaddressed.

You can just say:

I'm going to take the diving exam, and I need your blessing and encouragement because I'm so excited to show you what I can do!

And it also helps your friend realize that he can improve his communication skills!

I'd highly recommend giving him a copy of Nonviolent Communication!

Oh, they've already finished the exam!

If communication is ineffective, the questioner has the exciting opportunity to socialize with friends selectively, avoid talking about important things, and observe whether he likes to talk about negative energy.

As wise as you are, I'm sure you'll find the above really useful!

I really hope you are well and that everything is going great for you!

I'm Kelly, and I'm here to help!

I love you, world!

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your inquiry. Best regards, [Name] [Title]

From your description, I can see that you are experiencing confusion. I can sense your frustration and anger, even though we are not in the same physical location. I empathize with your situation.

It is unavoidable that there will always be individuals in any given population who will cause harm to others through their words, actions, and lack of discretion and manners. This is often justified by the fact that they are liked and labelled as having a straightforward temperament.

Naturally, some individuals may praise these individuals for speaking their mind, suggesting that they have no ulterior motives and are worthy of acquaintance.

It is often the case that what is perceived as "speaking too frankly" is, in fact, neither sincere, simple, nor kind, but rather simply bad.

Ultimately, it is likely that these individuals do not respect you, are indifferent to your feelings, and do not value your input.

It is possible that if you resist, you may be held responsible for it. It is clear that you are offended, but you cannot be upset. If you become angry, it may be perceived as narrow-mindedness, and the other party may be seen as the victim.

It is therefore essential to learn how to protect oneself and to maintain boundaries when interacting with others. It is important to let those people know that there is nothing wrong with being nice to them if they want, but that if they upset you, you can simply walk away. It is clear that relationships require a two-way commitment to succeed.

Going forward, you are responsible for your own actions. You must protect your heart from being affected. Avoid imitation and engage in productive dialogue. Do not share secrets with them.

I recall hearing a senior colleague make a pertinent observation that I believe is worthy of reflection. I will therefore share it with you here:

He stated that it is typically advisable to avoid interactions with the following three categories of individuals:

1. Individuals who are self-centered and speak without regard for the feelings of others.

2. Individuals with a short temper

3. Individuals with a pronounced tendency to experience feelings of envy.

In short, if the original poster wishes to maintain the relationship with this friend, then when they say something that is upsetting, you can remind them in an appropriate manner, or tell them in a tactful way, for example, "I don't like your attitude towards me." Since you wish to maintain the relationship, it is also necessary to communicate sincerely and take it seriously.

If the host is unable to continue playing with TA, it may be advisable to gradually distance yourself from the situation. It is important to recognise that everyone has their own circle of contacts and that it is not always possible to maintain a relationship indefinitely. If it is time to move on, it is advisable to do so while you still can, without holding anyone back.

Ultimately, we may find that the key to achieving true peace in this ever-changing world lies in cultivating a protective barrier within ourselves and nurturing a spirit of tranquility.

I wish you the best of success in your endeavors.

Good luck! You're getting your diving license tomorrow!

Your friend's words have made you nervous. Let's look at this so you can do a better job tomorrow.

1. You're a little nervous. What's worrying you? Is it safety?

You've practiced a lot, right? What was it like underwater during practice?

You shouldn't go to the exam if you don't feel safe. The coach or venue management will have a risk management system in place, right?

If worrying affects your rest, find something to do that will help you relax.

2. Moderate worry is good.

Worry is an expectation of something going badly. It's a primitive emotion. In primitive times, we had to be on guard against nature. There was always uncertainty about safety, food, and clothing. Worry helped us survive.

Moderate worry helps us prepare for tomorrow's exam. How can we ensure that we pass safely?

3. Talk to your friends about your thoughts. They care about you.

How did you two become friends? What do you like about him?

What qualities do you find attractive in him? He's nice, apart from the odd thing that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Good friends communicate directly, like family members. Since you value each other more, speak your mind. Tell him you don't like these jokes and hope he respects you.

If he can't control himself, he doesn't respect you. Think about whether this friendship is worth tolerating.

Turning your worries into precautions will help you pass the exam. Telling your friends your needs will make them change. You can also express your true feelings in the relationship.

What do you think?

Hello, question asker!

From what you've told me, I can see that your friend's words have caused you a lot of distress. At the same time, I think it's great that you're aware of the problem and are taking the initiative to find a solution.

From what I can tell, the questioner is a very kind person. When faced with a friend saying the wrong thing, the questioner didn't accuse, but rather chose to mediate on their own. This is really great.

The questioner wants to verify the facts of the incident, but the friend's words made them feel uncomfortable and a bit nervous. This made them think about it often before going to the friend, speaking without thinking. Although there is no malicious intent, it makes them feel very uncomfortable. Is this the case?

Because they're your friends, you care about the relationship, so you're conflicted. Is that right?

Based on what the questioner said, I have a few suggestions that I hope will help.

First of all, the main thing the questioner needs to do is set some boundaries.

It's better to play well with friends, which also shows that you're attracted to each other because of certain qualities, and you also value this friendship more. But it's just a matter of each person's feelings, and everyone has different points of view. We can't perfectly take care of other people's feelings, whether it's other people or us.

We also need to set some boundaries so that our friends know where we stand. That way, we can avoid any misunderstandings and keep the relationship strong. What do you think, question asker?

It's important to learn how to communicate effectively.

From what the questioner has said, it seems like the friend is well-meaning but is causing the questioner some distress. The friend often says things that make the questioner feel confused. I'd like to ask if you've spoken with your friend about how you feel.

If he still acts the same way after talking to his friend, you can bring it up when you're cooking. You can choose not to tell him certain things. If there's no communication, the questioner needs to tell his friend how you feel. First, we can affirm their concern and then talk about your needs. For example, you can say, "I know you care about me a lot and you mean well, but the way you said that sentence behind me will make me very nervous. If you tell your friend this, will he change?"

Secondly, if you feel uncomfortable, it's important to address it promptly.

Even though the friend is well-meaning, it can still make you feel a bit pressured and uneasy. Once you've spoken to the friend, you still have to deal with this uncomfortable feeling on your own. You can take a deep breath, push through it, or distract yourself with something else. You could also try running, swimming, or talking to a professional counselor. It's important not to let your emotions stay in your body and mind for too long, as they can harm your body and mind.

Finally, if you care about your friends, remember to communicate well, set clear boundaries, and then move on from this uncomfortable feeling to have better relationships with them.

Everyone's thoughts, actions, and feelings are different in life. It's possible that a friend is sincere with you but just doesn't know how to express it. If a friend is well-intentioned, we can ignore the bad parts and even get rid of them through communication. If a friend really makes you feel uncomfortable, it's better to not have that friend. What do you think?

It's important to remember that we have control over our emotions and can choose to manage and resolve them. It's okay to feel uncomfortable, but it's essential not to give up and actively find ways to resolve our emotions. With persistence, we can definitely succeed.

Everyone has the potential to be a beacon of light, whether asking questions or answering them. Words have the power to illuminate the hearts of many people, and this is our shared energy.

Hello, I am Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun. I send you my warmest regards. Having a friend who is knowledgeable about a variety of topics will undoubtedly bring you much joy. Similarly, his actions may temporarily cause you distress and discomfort. I understand that this can be challenging.

You have a high opinion of him, saying that he is "one of your best friends," which shows that you have a deep bond and understand each other, and that you know and accept your mode of interaction. However, sometimes his indiscretion can cause you some minor annoyances. Let's take a look at how you might deal with it.

1. It might be helpful to take a moment to notice the patterns of interaction between you.

It might be helpful to consider that there are certain patterns of interaction between people. Apart from being like-minded, one reason good friends are good friends is that they have certain patterns of interaction that make each other feel comfortable.

It is possible that a glance, a gesture, or a secret code may be enough to convey everything. This is called tacit understanding, and patterns are also formed and completed through tacit understanding.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that this is not the first time he has behaved in this way, and that it may be the result of interactions during the course of your relationship. It may be that he only behaves in this way because you have given him your "silent approval" and permission.

It is important to remember that other people's behavior is always the result of what we do or don't do, and it helps shape the way they interact with us. This understanding can help us to see that what he is doing is simply a pattern, and that there is no malice intended.

This approach allows you to distinguish his actions from his identity, avoid labeling him, and maintain a positive outlook and the strength of your relationship.

It is important to remember that seeing gives you the right to choose. This allows you the opportunity to reflect on your mode of interaction and make changes if you feel it is necessary. When you change, the other person will naturally make some changes in order to adapt to your changes.

2. Could you please tell me how one goes about making adjustments?

Perhaps you feel the need to "adjust" your emotions because his indiscreet words have triggered some emotions in you, such as anger.

It is important to maintain a sense of boundaries in interpersonal relationships. His words may have crossed your psychological boundaries, making you feel tense and therefore resentful of his actions.

It can be challenging when we feel aggrieved and unhappy inside, especially when it comes to matters of friendship and respect. While it might not be the most comfortable option, it can be helpful to express your emotions when necessary to maintain a sense of your own boundaries. This can be beneficial for you, your friend, and the relationship as a whole.

His indiscretion is also a reflection of his own inherent pattern, which he may unconsciously bring into all kinds of relationships. It's admirable that you're able to be tolerant and accepting, as this is not a quality everyone possesses.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to consider expressing your feelings. I understand that I feel uncomfortable when you say that, and it makes me even more nervous, even though you don't mean any harm. I hope you can give me encouragement. Maintaining a sense of boundaries is also important.

Ultimately, it is important to have confidence in yourself. Scuba diving is a highly challenging sport, and obtaining a certificate is a significant achievement.

First, a great deal of practice and experience has been gained. Second, the organizers have also taken good protective measures. Believe in the power of believing, and give yourself some self-encouraging hints.

I hope the above has provided you with a new perspective, more choices, and that you will accept my love for you.

If you would like to continue the conversation, you are welcome to click on "Find a Coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom of the page. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello, take a moment to reassess the situation. Given that your best friend is aware of his indiscretion, it would be prudent to avoid disclosing your personal matters to him.

It is possible that she may divulge your secrets to others without considering the implications. While she is kind and straightforward, and does not intend any harm, it is advisable to exercise caution. It would be prudent not to reveal everything, in case she chooses to share your secrets at a later date.

As colleagues, we know that we should try to keep things professional and avoid getting angry. If she still doesn't reconsider her actions after a few words of advice, it means that she doesn't take you seriously and doesn't feel your concern. And since you are good colleagues, she can speak casually and tease you. People who speak their mind are often quick to offend. If you don't like this and find it offensive, then address the issue at the appropriate time, because if she speaks without thinking, she will often say things that are inappropriate or make everyone feel awkward. In order for her to get along well with her colleagues and leaders, you should remind her to be careful with what she says and consider whether she should say something before she says it.

It should be noted that individuals possess unique personalities, which may have been established during childhood. Attempting to alter these traits may require a significant investment of time. It is recommended to communicate with the individual indirectly, conveying your positive intentions. It is essential to exercise caution when expressing your thoughts in the future. The individual in question is known for being straightforward. Despite his lack of malicious intent, he often speaks without considering the consequences, which can result in unintended consequences. This can also lead to challenges in interpersonal relationships. It is evident that he does not prioritize the feelings of others.

However, the questioner should be reassured that none of these scenarios will materialize. The questioner is benevolent and naive, and this is evident. He is a kind individual who is perceptive and empathetic. He is currently your closest associate. It is also advisable to reassure yourself, avoid dwelling on concerns, refrain from interfering in other people's affairs, and focus on your own responsibilities. If you are invested in this situation, maintaining a distance may be beneficial.

It is important to consider the feelings of others when speaking, even if you do not intend to hurt their feelings. Even if you are close to someone, you should still be mindful of their feelings. You met because of a kind of fate, but over time, differences in personality and other factors led to a gradual change in your relationship. While we may appear to know many people, those who can truly stay with us through time are rare and valuable. Life is full of challenges, and maintaining friendships is one of them. We often face difficulties and complexities in our interpersonal relationships.

It is my hope that in the future, the questioner will encounter more positive experiences and fewer concerns. Regardless of the challenges you face, it is important not to make things more difficult for yourself. Maintain a positive outlook daily and put your difficulties behind you.

Sometimes, when relationships are particularly strong, it can be challenging to maintain boundaries. This is something that can happen, even in the context of a close friendship like yours.

Given the circumstances, it would be helpful to consider ways to ease our own tension or discomfort. One approach could be to view it as a reminder to maintain a focus on safety, recognizing that his approach may have been too direct and caused some discomfort.

Then we can accept this part of what we need. During the dive, it might be helpful to remind them at any time to follow the rules, even if they are particularly skilled. I believe that you, who follow the rules, will definitely get your certificate as you wish.

If there is still time before the dive, you might consider telling your friend directly that his comment made you feel uncomfortable. Given the risks associated with diving, his comment has understandably made you anxious. It would be helpful to listen to what he has to say. If you are good friends, he may sincerely apologize and express his true intention, which may be similar to what I mentioned above, or it could be that he wants to trust you and get certified without any problems. Hearing his answer may help you feel more relaxed.

To avoid a similar situation in the future, you might consider using this incident as an opportunity to clarify your boundaries and express your preference for a different type of humor. It's also possible that the other person is genuinely sorry and trying to make amends, but they might not have fully understood your discomfort. In such a case, you could gently reiterate your preference for a different type of humor and explain why it's important to you.

At this point, you might consider saying something like, "I'd prefer not to have this kind of joke a second time."

Even the best of friends must have a sense of boundaries. When you feel hurt, it's important to stop the situation from continuing and to make your attitude clear. This will help to avoid being hurt again. Best wishes!

It is a matter of habit to be insightful and to share. I am speaking to myself.

The manner in which others treat us, including the words they use, is something we permit.

Some individuals perceive their lack of tact as a hallmark of their straightforwardness, characterizing it as a quality of being "down-to-earth."

This kind of "reality" appears to be indicative of a lack of emotional intelligence, resulting in a sense of emotional distress with no outward expression.

If one can designate another as one's "best friend," it is evident that the relationship is of a particularly close nature. It is unlikely that one would be unaware of the character traits of such a friend, nor of their indiscreet remarks that one finds unacceptable. Therefore, it is perplexing why, despite being aware of these traits, one still feels uncomfortable and desires to adjust one's emotions.

It is my hope that this opinion will prove useful to you.

The optimal state for two individuals to be in is one of comfort.

In any interpersonal relationship, whether it be between friends, romantic partners, or spouses, the optimal state for both parties is one of comfort. It is important to recognize that the individuals or circumstances that cause discomfort are not inherently problematic; rather, the responsibility lies with the individual in establishing clear boundaries.

As previously stated, the manner in which others treat us is a reflection of our own actions. You are intimately acquainted with your best friend, and he has a proclivity for speaking without due consideration, carelessly yet with words that evoke discomfort in others. It appears that he has made such remarks on more than one occasion.

It is unfortunate that you are the only one who is uncomfortable, yet you have never informed him of your feelings. It is evident that when a child around two years old in your family hits you with an object and you do not react, he will continue to hit you. Why is this the case?

The individual in question believes that you derive enjoyment from this treatment and are not repulsed by the fact that he is striking you. Consequently, as long as you do not verbally indicate that you wish him to cease, he will continue to engage in this behaviour. (The cognitive processes of children are notably straightforward, yet they are able to discern the fundamental aspects of human nature.) An individual's statements that evoke discomfort may appear to suggest that this person possesses limited emotional intelligence. However, it is important to recognise that it is your responsibility to communicate your boundaries to your friends. When others are unable to establish boundaries based on your actions, it is not reasonable to attribute blame to others for their actions. You also have a responsibility to take ownership of your own behaviour.

It is not the content of another's statements that often provokes anger, but rather the fact that we have internalized the role of a judge.

It is possible that you have not previously considered this, but it is evident that there are individuals in our immediate vicinity who, regardless of our verbal or physical actions, do not appear to be affected in any way. They consistently maintain a calm and collected demeanor when confronted with such individuals and circumstances. It is plausible that, at some point, you have also admired the expansive perspective and magnanimity of these individuals.

It is erroneous to assume that these individuals possess the vast expanse of the sea or the boundless generosity of the sky. They refrain from passing judgment on individuals or events. To illustrate, let us consider the incident you referenced earlier.

If one were to suggest that an individual obtain a diving license, and if that individual were to respond with, "If you don't come up for five minutes, I'll call 911 for you," would the individual still feel uncomfortable? It is probable that not only would the individual not feel uncomfortable, but that they would also feel a faint sense of gratitude and think that the person is very caring.

The question thus arises as to why this becomes a joke that evokes discomfort. The answer lies in the fact that the individual in question has internalized the role of a judge. From this perspective, the individual believes that the judge is aware of their circumstances and, having heard the desire to obtain a diving license, is expected to demonstrate care and support through encouraging words. However, the judge's response is not encouraging but rather suggests that, should the individual fail to emerge from the water within five minutes, emergency services will be contacted.

This is an example of judgmental thinking, whereby one considers what the other person should and should not do. Consequently, a sentence that would be perceived as humorous by others is experienced as uncomfortable by the individual in question.

The following words are to be avoided:

The preceding statement may be perceived as a joke by some individuals.

Such a statement may appear malevolent or malevolently intended.

In the context of interpersonal relationships, the term "friend" is often used to describe a person with whom one shares a close, positive relationship.

This may imply the endless kindness behind the concept of a friend.

The concepts of good and evil

This is a matter of perspective.

Furthermore, the regulation and modulation of one's emotional state is a crucial aspect of emotional intelligence.

This is also contingent upon one's cognitive processes.

Dear questioner,

In life, we often encounter friends like this. They are good friends, but sometimes they speak without thinking, saying things that make you feel uncomfortable.

I want to chat with you. I'll comfort and inspire you.

Our emotions and thoughts are inextricably linked.

Psychologists have a theory called the ABC model of emotions.

There is a theory in psychology called the ABC model of emotions.

Our emotional response is not triggered by the event itself, but by our perception of it.

Your friend was joking, but such jokes really don't fit at this time.

Your friend was trying to be supportive and respond positively, which is why he said that when he heard you were going to get your diving license.

This kind of expression only makes you more nervous, which is not helpful.

You have a good sense.

He speaks without thinking and without regard for other people's feelings.

We can interpret it in several ways.

He wants you to know he's paying attention to you.

I also care about your safety.

He wants to warn you that there's a little risk.

You can defuse it more easily.

Tell him, for example,

I'm in your hands. You have to keep me safe.

You have a dive buddy, so trust your own skills.

It's normal to feel nervous.

We were triggered by his words.

Take a deep breath, relax, or distract yourself. Do whatever you need to do to calm down.

You will hear many external sounds, just like the wind blowing.

We can't control everything, but we can control how we react to it. If we calm ourselves down, the external disturbances will have a limited impact on us.

2. You must actively limit your friends' indiscreet talk.

If a joke makes you uncomfortable, speak up. Even if your friend is joking, you have every right to feel how you feel.

Different people feel completely different about the same thing.

If your friend is not considering your feelings when they speak, you must express it in a timely manner.

For example, you can say something like, "I know you were joking, but I still felt nervous and uncomfortable."

I am in danger, and I will call 911.

I hope you won't say anything.

I hope you will encourage me, support me, or just don't say anything if you haven't thought it through.

The more we reveal our true thoughts and feelings, the braver we become.

My friend will definitely consider others' perspectives when he wants to joke around again in the future. You helped him by pointing it out. He'll see the impact of his words on others and get along with everyone.

Let me be clear: no one wants to be around someone who speaks without thinking because they may get hurt by this kind of indiscretion at any time.

3. Every discomfort is an opportunity for growth.

Our friend said it himself: it is his problem.

But triggering our own discomfort is precisely how we understand ourselves better.

We should stop minding such jokes from him.

We have fallen for his argument.

And you're hurt by this kind of imagination?

Everyone has something they find offensive.

If he is indiscreet and, after you have reminded him, he still remains the same and often causes you discomfort, then you can—and should—adjust your relationship with him.

Avoiding being disturbed by others is part of our growth.

Take control of your emotions by calming yourself, focusing on things that make you happy, and stabilizing your emotions.

Read Zeng Qifeng's Psychology Class if you want to know more.

Best wishes!

Hello!

I'm a heart detective coach. Learning is the body's treasure.

From your description, I can tell you're troubled.

I won't go into detail about your frustration at not knowing how to adjust your emotions in the face of a friend who speaks without thinking. I'll give you three pieces of advice:

In a relationship, the person who is suffering more will change first.

You're here for help, which shows you're suffering more. Change yourself first. It's easier to change yourself. Since you and your friend influence each other, he'll likely change after you do.

Once you've changed, you can adjust your emotions based on his reaction.

Second, talk to your friend.

If you want to feel better, you need to change. Start with sincere communication with friends. It's an effective way to resolve problems.

To communicate with him sincerely, you need to pay attention to the methods and approaches.

Try to understand him. This will help him hear you.

You know he was joking, but it doesn't make you feel good. Try not to think he's trying to hurt you.

Start with "I" and talk about your feelings. Avoid using "you" because it makes him feel rejected and blamed, which is bad for communication.

For example, you can say, "I know you were joking, but it made me feel uncomfortable. I hope you won't say things like that in the future because it makes me feel bad." After communicating with him in such an honest way, he is very likely to change.

When he changes, you may feel better.

Give him time and learn to communicate in a "firm but non-hostile" manner.

If he doesn't change after you communicate with him, it may be because he's used to communicating with you that way. It takes time to change habits. In the meantime, you can learn to communicate with him in a firm but non-hostile manner.

If he says something again that hurts your feelings, say, "Those words made me feel uncomfortable. I know you didn't mean to, but please don't say things like that again."

After you communicate with him in this way many times, he will probably realize that his behavior is inappropriate and change it, which will make you feel better.

You may be worried that if you say this, the other person will get angry and you may lose such a good friend. But I want to tell you that a good friend will respect your feelings.

If he still behaves this way after you've tried to communicate with him and given him time, you have to accept that he doesn't care about your feelings. Ask yourself if you still consider him a good friend and if you want to keep associating with him.

No matter what you choose, you'll feel better because you'll accept him and stop expecting him to change.

I hope this helps. Click "Find a coach for an interpretation – online conversation" at the bottom to talk to me one-on-one.