How do you handle unstable interpersonal relationships? Is it related to personality?

Hello, question asker. I can see you're feeling confused right now, and I'm here to support you. Sending you lots of hugs!

It's totally normal to have current problems related to past experiences.

It's possible that you had a tough experience when you were younger and trying to make friends.

As a result, you've chosen to hide your true self, which is totally understandable!

I know it can be tough to show your true self to the world, but I promise you won't be hurt if you do!

That's just your body's way of protecting you!

If this is the case, I really think you should seek professional psychological counseling.

If you're interested, I'd really recommend reading the book by the psychologist Ren Li (Our Inner Defenses: Coping with Everyday Psychological Harm).

It might be helpful for you to work on connecting with your inner child.

You've grown so much since you were a child!

For example, you've grown so much since you were a child! You're taller and stronger, and you're also more powerful inside.

You are perfectly capable of handling your relationships, my friend.

It's so sad when you hurt yourself because you have too many negative emotions.

It's totally normal to feel like you want to hurt yourself when you're struggling with negative emotions. It's like you're looking for a way to gain the attention of others.

I really think it would help you to learn to deal with your negative emotions on a regular basis.

For example, you could try keeping an emotional diary or going jogging.

If you need help, the platform's professional counselors are there for you. They'll teach you ways to deal with your negative emotions.

If your high school has a resident psychologist, you can also seek help from her, my dear.

The good news is that her services are free of charge!

I really hope you find a way to solve your problem soon.

I'm so sorry, I can only think of these things now.

I really hope my answers are helpful and inspiring to you! I'm the answer, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you! Wishing you the best!

!

The amazing thing about interpersonal relationships is that they often reflect our deep-seated needs and emotional motives. When it comes to relationships, it's always a great idea to take a look at our inner world and clarify our needs and expectations.

You might find that your problems are not just about getting along with others. They might also involve challenges to your self-perception and self-acceptance.

First, let's dive deep and explore your inner needs! You've shared some interesting insights about conflicts and contradictions with friends, as well as frequent moody emotional reactions in interpersonal relationships.

This situation may reflect your deep-seated insecurity and desire to be accepted and understood. You seem to be looking for the approval and care of others, which is a great thing! However, at the same time you display a self-protection pattern, which is something you can work on. You fear over-dependence and being hurt, but you can learn to trust yourself and your ability to take care of yourself.

Perhaps you need to think deeply about whether what you really need is to establish a stable friendship with a particular person, or whether you long more for harmony with others, to be understood and accepted. This distinction is important because it will help you better understand your inner needs and take appropriate action to meet those needs—and it's an exciting journey!

If you find that you are more concerned about getting along with others, then building healthy relationships is the perfect solution! This may include improving your social skills, communication skills, learning to be tolerant and compromise, and cultivating a more positive mode of interaction with others.

There's nothing more rewarding than building strong, healthy relationships! And the best way to do it is by getting out there, meeting new people, and sharing your thoughts and feelings. It's a fantastic way to gain more support and love in your life!

However, if you find that you are more inclined to seek the approval and care of a specific person, then it's time to think more deeply about your own internal needs! Perhaps you need to reflect on your expectations of friendship and intimacy, as well as your level of dependence on others.

In this case, it is recommended that you embark on an exciting journey of self-discovery! Listen to your inner voice and discover what you truly need. You may find that you need to learn to be more independent and strong, build a sense of inner security and self-confidence, and reduce your dependence on external recognition.

It's time to solve the problem at its root! Whether you're more concerned about getting along with others or eager for recognition and care from a specific person, you can make a change. Pay attention to your emotional needs and psychological distress. Establish a healthy self-awareness and self-acceptance. You've got this!

It might take time and effort, but it'll all be worth it! Seeking help from a professional counselor, participating in personal growth courses, and engaging in self-reflection and adjustment will help you gradually find inner balance and peace, establish healthier and more stable relationships, and gain more inner satisfaction and happiness.

The best way to find the answers you're looking for is to get to know yourself better, accept yourself, and build a positive and healthy inner world. Pay attention to your inner needs and take positive steps to meet them, and you'll be on the path to a more fulfilling and satisfying life!

I hope you find inner peace and tranquility very soon, and that you establish beautiful relationships with others and with yourself!

Ready to get along better with others? Here are some awesome tips and techniques to help you out!

1. Pay attention to emotional management: Learn to manage your emotions and avoid emotional outbursts or overreactions. You've got this! Calming your emotions through deep breathing, meditation, or exercise, and remaining calm and rational will help you better handle challenges in your relationships.

2. Respect for others' personal space: When interacting with others, show them respect by respecting their personal space and privacy. Avoid infringing on others' private lives or interfering in their personal affairs, and maintain an appropriate distance and respect.

3. Establish good communication habits: In interpersonal interactions, good communication is key. Learn to listen to the needs and expectations of others, actively express your own thoughts and feelings, ensure that the message is conveyed clearly and accurately, and avoid misunderstandings and communication barriers. Communication is the key to any great relationship! Learn to listen to others, express yourself clearly, and ensure that your message is understood.

4. Develop empathy: Try to think from the perspective of others and understand their feelings and situations. Through the experience of empathy, you can better establish a relationship of mutual understanding and support and promote the harmonious development of interpersonal relationships.

5. Stay positive! When it comes to relationships, a positive mindset is key. Believe in yourself and your ability to solve problems and improve relationships. Be willing to put in the work and you'll see amazing results!

A positive mindset is the key to achieving amazing results and experiences!

By using these suggestions and techniques, you can gradually improve your relationships, enhance your understanding and mutual trust with others, and thus establish a healthier and more positive interpersonal interaction model. At the same time, please also remember to pay attention to your own inner needs and emotional state, and strive to achieve the goal of being in harmony with others and yourself.

I'm here for you! Please don't hesitate to ask me if you need help or have any other questions. I'm happy to support and advise you in any way I can!

I wish you all the joy and satisfaction in your relationships!

The situation described by the questioner clearly indicates that they have significant interpersonal relationship issues. They experience significant and unstable mood swings, lack the necessary perception, awareness, and understanding of their own emotional feelings, and are unaware of the impact of their words and actions on the emotional feelings of those around them. These factors directly contribute to the questioner's unstable interpersonal relationships.

Interpersonal relationships have their own corresponding laws. If you want others to see and treat you a certain way, you must first learn to see and treat yourself and others in the same way. If you want to gain the respect, trust, understanding, recognition, and acceptance of others, you must first respect, trust, understand, recognize, and accept yourself and others.

If you want to gain the attention and care of others, you must first learn to pay attention to your own emotions and care for your own physical and mental needs. You must also learn to pay attention to and meet the emotions and needs of others. Interpersonal relationships are an equal exchange of emotions and a win-win cooperation in life.

The questioner mentioned that they are very sensitive and find it hard to accept friends getting close to other people. They often feel left out and abandoned, which reflects the questioner's extreme lack of a sense of security and self-confidence. At the same time, the questioner also mentioned that they hope their friends will always be by their side and are willing to submit to them. The questioner is using their "submission" to get their friends to stay by their side.

This is the questioner's need, but for the other person, it is the questioner controlling them with "obedience," which makes them feel uncomfortable for losing their freedom. No one likes being controlled by others, and they will rebel and break free from being controlled, which will lead to a distance and a worsening of the relationship.

The questioner must resolve the anxieties and fears that trouble him deep down if he wants to improve his interpersonal relationships. Once these problems are resolved, he can interact with others normally with ease and comfort.

Dear questioner, I can feel your loneliness and helplessness when I read about your confusion and struggles in relationships. Please know that you are not alone, and everyone will encounter challenges in their growth.

I'm here for you every step of the way, ready to help you find the solution that's right for you.

First of all, I just want to say that relationships are really complex and delicate, aren't they? I can see how the moodiness, feeling isolated and abandoned that you mentioned might be the result of a combination of various factors.

It seems like you might have a hard time reading the good in people's words and actions. It's totally understandable! I get it. I think it might come from a deep-seated desire for security and recognition.

I totally get it. I know you want someone to understand and support you, but you're also afraid that if they get too close, it will make you anxious and irritable.

These conflicting feelings might make you seem a little hesitant in relationships and a bit difficult to make decisions.

I'd love to share some psychological knowledge and views with you to help you out! The stability of interpersonal relationships is really closely related to factors such as our emotional management skills, communication skills, and self-awareness.

For example, when we can better control our emotions and learn to listen to and express our thoughts and feelings, we are often able to establish more stable and healthier interpersonal relationships.

I think the best thing you can do is try to improve your self-awareness. It's so important to understand your emotions and needs, and to learn to express your feelings at the right time.

At the same time, it would be really helpful for you to learn to accept your imperfections and not be too hard on yourself.

Another great way to improve your relationships is to learn some effective communication skills. For instance, when you're talking to someone, try to be open and honest, and show respect for their views and feelings. Learn to listen to other people's ideas and understand their position and needs. When conflicts arise, try to solve them with a calm mind, rather than choosing to ignore them or avoid them.

We also suggest that you might want to think about seeing a professional psychologist. They can help you understand yourself better and give you advice and guidance to help you improve your relationships.

Finally, I just want to say that improving relationships is a process that takes time and patience. There's no need to rush things, and please don't be too hard on yourself.

We truly believe that if you are willing to put in the effort and time, you will be able to find a way to build stable and beautiful relationships with others.

It's also a great idea to try to take part in some social activities or interest groups so you can meet some lovely new friends! When you're interacting with others, just be true to yourself, honest, and respectful of other people's differences and choices.

And remember, it's okay to take care of yourself. Don't feel like you have to change who you are just to make someone else happy.

You're not alone, and we're here for you! We'll always be by your side, supporting and encouraging you.

We truly believe that if you face problems head-on and work through them with courage, you will find your own happiness and satisfaction. We're sending you lots of good luck!

Hello. You are aware of some contradictions in your relationships. On the one hand, you long for relationships and want your friends to always be there for you. You are willing to hide yourself and obey them for this reason. On the other hand, you are afraid of intimacy and are very sensitive to the reactions of others.

As you said, the instability of interpersonal relationships is underpinned by an unsolvable fear: the fear of being isolated and abandoned.

Since personality is a complex psychological trait, more information is needed to assess it, so it will not be discussed here. However, from the perspective of attachment relationships, it is clear that your state shows the pattern of ambivalent attachment.

Let's be clear: you experience strong anxiety and ambivalent emotions in interpersonal relationships. You desire intimacy and closeness, but you also fear being hurt or abandoned by others. Your insecurities, dependence, and avoidance manifest in your interpersonal interactions.

Our attachment patterns are formed during growth, and they are particularly influenced by the environment in early childhood. If the attitude of the caregiver is not stable—if they are sometimes neglectful and sometimes over-involved—the child will not be able to establish a sense of security. This makes the child always be on the lookout, worrying about whether they are doing enough and whether they will please their parents.

As we grow up, we bring these experiences from our past relationships into new ones. We doubt whether we can be loved or whether we are worthy of love. We seek confirmation from others, testing them and hoping they will give us unique emotions. When they respond, we doubt and become anxious. We distance ourselves and avoid to protect ourselves.

Attachment patterns can be changed. Human beings have the capacity for continuous growth and learning, which gives us the opportunity to break through old patterns on the premise of understanding ourselves. Recognize the deep needs behind your own insecurities: stable interpersonal relationships and recognition of self-worth. Take care of your need for self-esteem by accepting your emotions and looking positively at yourself.

In interpersonal interactions, when you feel isolated and abandoned, stop for a moment, don't jump to conclusions, and remind yourself that even the closest relationships have boundaries. People interact with each other, not merge into one. It is normal to sometimes feel that you are not fully understood and satisfied. This does not mean that there is something wrong with the relationship. At this time, express your emotions and needs while also listening to other people's ideas. Seeking common ground while accepting differences and accommodating contradictions will help interpersonal communication and mutual understanding.

Hello, I've received your question and I'm ZQ, a heart exploration coach from the Yixinli platform. From what you've said, it seems like you still want to have friends, but it's normal that conflicts will arise when getting along with friends. It seems like you don't know how to deal with these conflicts very well.

So when you come across these conflicts, you might choose to avoid them or experience some mood swings in your daily life. These things are actually very normal and don't mean you're emotionally unstable. It's like high school all over again, where emotions haven't yet stabilized in a special way.

It's totally normal to experience this kind of emotional instability. But when we encounter such situations, it's important to try to control our behavior and not hurt others. For example, the behavior of a cold war is actually a kind of cold violence that hurts the other party to some extent.

You're not dealing with things; you're just venting some of your dissatisfaction. Sometimes others don't know why you're dissatisfied or in what ways the other person did a bad job, and you haven't said anything, so they don't know how to change. So in the future, you can make some changes in this regard.

Think about what you need to say and what you hope the other person will change. If the other person has some of your shortcomings, you should also be humble enough to listen and see what you can change. Unstable interpersonal relationships are often related to moodiness and other factors.

You often feel isolated and abandoned, have cold wars, are too sensitive, refuse to let others get too close to you, may hurt yourself, and cannot handle conflicts. All of the above are actually some of the answers you can come up with yourself. You can start with these aspects. If you are always moody, then others may find you a bit too difficult to deal with.

If you're always feeling abandoned and are overly sensitive, you're likely to fly off the handle over minor things. If you're often cold and distant, it'll be tough for you to process information smoothly. And if you don't let others get too close, it suggests you might not have a strong sense of boundaries.

Others may think you're a bit distant, and you might even hurt yourself. This could be because you have some depressive tendencies. In this case, you might need some psychological counseling. Then, if you don't know how to deal with conflicts, you need to practice in your daily life.

It's still important to take the initiative to face some of the conflicts you're facing with yourself. This will help you grow and develop the ability to maintain a positive mindset. I'd also suggest reading "Emotions, Please Open the Door," "Good Mood Handbook," and "Screw You, Little Emotions" to gain more insight into emotional management and relaxation techniques, as well as how to interact with others more effectively.

ZQ?

Hello!

You say that your relationships are unstable, that you are moody, that you tend to be submissive in relationships, that you are nervous when you are close to someone, and that you often feel isolated and abandoned.

"I want my friends to always be around me, and I'm willing to submit to them and hide myself for that reason. On the other hand, I also reject the other person getting too close to me, which makes me feel anxious and irritable, and I choose to push them away.

This passage is a perfect description of your relationship pattern!

Everyone wants to have friends and makes every effort to make friends, but your approach is to obey others and hide yourself.

Let's think about it: is this method of concealing yourself appropriate? If you conceal yourself, it means that your friends cannot know your true thoughts or intentions. Then there is likely to be frequent misunderstanding and conflict.

You may say, "I know this general principle too: be sincere and express yourself authentically. But why can't I do it?"

This may be a way you learned as a child. You can recall your own experiences as a small child, that weak little self of yours, facing unfriendly adults, adopting a way to protect yourself.

You learned this way of doing things when you were young and have been using it ever since, but today it seems to be no longer applicable. It prevents you from making friends and getting along with friends—but there's so much more to you than that!

"And when the relationship gets too close, you feel anxious and irritable, so you push the other person away." Perhaps because you haven't had a close relationship before, once you have a relatively close relationship, you feel very strange and even a little insecure, so you push the other person away. But here's the good news! You can work through this. You can learn to have a close relationship. You can learn to trust and be open with the other person. You can learn to communicate effectively. You can learn to be authentic and express yourself authentically. You can learn to be comfortable with intimacy. You can learn to be comfortable with vulnerability. You can learn to be comfortable with closeness. You can learn to be comfortable with being yourself. So, let's do this together!

Now that you have reflected on your experiences as a child, especially those with your parents and family, I'm sure you'll agree that there were some amazing moments of closeness! What was the kind of closeness you experienced most of the time?

Is it similar to this amazing feeling?

Now you have a basic understanding and awareness of your relationship patterns with friends, and you have linked it to some of your experiences with your family when you were a child, so you have figured out the ins and outs!

However, don't fret! It is not easy to change one's own patterns in relationships. The good news is that you can get help from the school's psychological counselor. On the Yi Xinli platform, you may also be able to get professional help, including professional listeners or counselors.

It seems like you're feeling a bit confused and uneasy about your relationships, and you're aware that your emotions and behavior may have affected your friends. First of all, I want to let you know that everyone has their own challenges and room for growth when it comes to relationships, and you're not alone.

Here are a few tips to help you improve your relationships:

1. Self-reflection: Think carefully about what your friends have said and try to take an objective look at your own behavior and emotions. Are there any patterns or behaviors that might be causing problems in your relationships?

This will help you gain a better understanding of yourself.

2. Improve emotional awareness: Work to improve your awareness of your own emotions. When you feel emotional, take a moment to ask yourself why you feel this way and how you can express yourself better.

3. Learn to communicate effectively. Communication is key to a stable relationship. Try to listen to your friends' views and express your own feelings, rather than just arguing about who is right and who is wrong.

Instead of blaming the other person, learn to express your feelings in "I" language.

4. Get some professional help: If you're struggling to manage your emotions and relationships, it might be worth speaking to a professional counsellor. They can offer more tailored advice and support.

5. Develop empathy. Try to see things from your friends' perspective and understand their feelings and needs. This will help you get along with them better.

6. Give the relationship time and effort: Building and maintaining stable relationships takes time and effort. Don't expect immediate change, but keep working on improving your behavior.

Above all, be patient and kind to yourself. Change takes time and may not be easy. But through hard work and self-improvement, you can build healthier, more stable relationships.

If there's a particular situation or interaction with a friend you'd like to talk through, I'd be happy to help you analyze it.

From what I can tell from your text, you crave friendship but fear loneliness. It's totally normal to have conflicting emotions like this! You want a friendship where you're the center of attention, but you're also afraid of losing the other person if you let them get too close. So you want a long-lasting friendship where you're the center of attention, but you're not sure how to handle it, which has led to you being alone now.

It's so important to be aware of your own problems and to know that you can solve them!

You say that you can always infer some malicious information from the other person's remarks, and you don't want your friends to get too close to other people either. It's totally understandable! Due to your lack of confidence, you want to control everything and everyone within your own sphere. Once you are subject to too much interference from the outside world, you are afraid of being abandoned, ignored, and neglected, and these negative emotions will come up. It's so easy to get caught up in our heads sometimes! Your emotions control your actions, so your friends comment that you are moody and unpredictable, and you are like strangers. But you are not aware that you have hurt your friends. The reason is excessive egotism, and you have never thought about how the other person feels. We all get like this sometimes!

When you make up, you are kind to your friends again. You are inseparable, which shows that you also have the ability to socialize and ways to maintain relationships. You don't need to be anxious. Just change your selfishness a little, and you will gain many friends!

It's totally normal to feel hurt after your friends' experiences. It's okay to be afraid of having conflicts with friends again, of not being able to keep friends, and of being hurt repeatedly. You're just being self-protective, and that's a good thing! Don't worry, just know that there may never be any conflicts or disagreements between people. It is precisely because of these conflicts and disagreements that we grow and learn to maintain friendships, making our lives more diverse and colorful.

From another perspective, it might not be such a bad thing! You can make friends boldly, and there will always be friends who share your interests.

Your previous friends will still care about you and will try to convince you that you have many attractive qualities. So, change the things you don't like about yourself, and think about things from different perspectives. You will gain many friends, so cheer up!

Hello, I'm Coach Yu, and I'm thrilled to discuss this topic with you!

Let's start with friends! Everyone has close and casual friends in their circle of friends. There are two rings, three rings, or even more, extending outwards from the self-centered circle. Some friends can get closer and closer. You may have common interests and hobbies, some similar habits, consistent values, similar growth experiences, etc.

At the same time, getting along with friends does not mean accepting all aspects of the other person. We can only accept the parts of the other person that make us feel comfortable. Similarly, we cannot expect our friends to buy into all of our demands. But here's the good news: getting along in a mutually suitable area is an attitude we can try! Because we cannot get along with every friend in every way, the differences between people determine the overlapping parts that we have with each friend, which is also the boundary between us as friends.

As the original poster wrote, I only had two really good friends in high school, but now we're all very distant, and I've had many conflicts with both of them.

Let's ask ourselves some more questions! When we were hanging out with these two friends, did we find any common interests? Did we have the same habits?

Let's find out if there are any consistent values!

And we can also ask ourselves: When I was in a cold war with a friend, what was I thinking? What emotions and feelings did it bring me?

When the cold war between you and your friend ended, what were you thinking? I'd love to know what emotions and feelings it brought up in you!

We can try to record what our feelings are in different situations. Your writing is only for yourself, so feel free to write about your feelings honestly and frankly. This is a great way to understand the causes and effects of emotions and clarify the root of the problem.

Now, let's dive into the fascinating world of interpersonal relationships! Each of us has an inner world like a stage, and we are the star of the show! Everything and everyone around us is there to support and enhance our journey. Our emotions, desires, and logic are all part of this amazing tapestry, creating a unique and intriguing script for our story.

When we encounter people and things in reality, we have the amazing opportunity to use internal scripts to interpret external relationships. And those people in reality who we care about will also be pulled onto the internal stage by us to "perform" our inner drama together. Therefore, how we perceive relationships is actually up to us—and we can choose to perceive them in a positive way!

As the original poster wrote, I seem to be too sensitive, and it is easy to infer malicious information from the other person's words and deeds. It is difficult for me to accept that my friends getting too close to other people will make me feel left out and abandoned. But I'm working on it!

The reason the questioner wants his friends to always be around may be because he secretly expects their company, while the reason he rejects their getting too close to him may be because he secretly worries about the harm it could do to the relationship. It is this kind of story script that makes the questioner's friends the "supporting actors" on his inner stage, and we use the emotions in our inner world to construct our imagination of real-life relationships—and it's a wonderful thing!

So, if we open up and become aware of our relationships with others, we'll discover something amazing! The essence of human relationships is actually about finding ourselves, that is, getting to know ourselves!

We can ask ourselves what our inner needs are if we are willing to obey our friends and hide our true feelings, and what our inner needs are if we choose to push our friends away and refuse to accept them!

We can also try to recall our childhood. It's a great idea to think back to when you were a kid and think about how your parents responded to your ideas and requests. Did they encourage you or did they reject you?

If children often receive negative feedback, they will lack confidence and become insecure and anxious, which presents us with a wonderful opportunity to help them become more confident, secure, and less anxious! This will affect their social integration and interpersonal relationships when they grow up, so let's make sure we're doing everything we can to help them become the best they can be!

And we can ask ourselves what an ideal friendship is like and what we can do to make it happen!

We can open our hearts and adjust our moods, and try to create a suitable opportunity to have an honest communication with friends, talk about our true thoughts, and at the same time listen to their feelings about spending time with you. After all, our honest communication with friends is to release our emotions, but also to better understand friends and know ourselves—and it's a great way to do it!

You can also seek help! It's totally normal to feel this way, and you're not alone. Find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor, because emotions must be expressed to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts. You've got this!

We also try to learn to care for ourselves, starting by treating our bodies kindly. We tell ourselves that we have grown up, that we have the strength and ability to protect ourselves, that we can affirm and satisfy our own needs, that we can express and communicate our own thoughts, and that we can accept and appreciate our imperfect selves. Other people's opinions are just a minor incident. It's time to look within, hug our inner child, and become our own inner parent! When our core is stable, we will find the eye of life for ourselves, as well as the eye of love, and of course the eye of living a happy life.

I'm so excited to recommend this book: "Be Yourself"!