How do you take care of your body and accept the imperfections of your body type?

You say that every time your depression/why-do-i-dislike-my-mother-when-she-constantly-denigrates-me-hurting-my-self-esteem-15186.html" target="_blank">mother sees you, she says you don't look good. But when she saw you every time, did she mean when you were little, and didn't your mother and you live together for a long time?

Your message reveals your attachment to your mother and your expectations of her. However, the reality is that your mother often criticizes and rejects you.

This has led to an inferiority complex, sensitivity, and depression. You lack confidence in your interactions with your mother.

This is why you've developed a resistance to other people. You're also concerned that others are picking on you, criticizing you, and rejecting you.

These are all ways you are protecting yourself, even if you don't realize it.

You are afraid of being hurt again. You are afraid of being rejected again by the people closest to you.

You are afraid of being disappointed after hoping. You are also afraid of social interaction because you have been rejected many times.

These are all normal reactions after a long period of being rejected and suppressed.

You asked this question, which shows you want to change for the better. You also want to be affirmed, accepted, praised, and forgiven.

You should do more of the things you like and are good at. You should also let yourself go a little more.

Have a hobby. Start with small achievements and the things you like.

You can also look objectively at the fact that we all have some shortcomings and weaknesses. Focus on your strengths.

Forget about the things you can't change. You'll be happier if you do.

I strongly suggest you find a hobby and stick with it.

It will give you a lot of motivation and you will also discover more about yourself.

Hello, my name is June!

After reading your description, I thought of a friend of mine who has similar experiences. You both are obviously very good-looking, but you are not confident because your mother disliked you when you were little. First, let me give you a hug!

1. We can't change our childhood, but we can change the present!

"In fact, later on, a classmate said that when I dressed up, I looked like a little goddess."

I think you should believe what your classmates say and praise yourself. And use that as a reference for dressing up. You'll be amazed at how your confidence grows the more compliments you get!

My friend was also told by her mother that she was ugly since she was a child, and that she had inherited all of her parents' shortcomings. As a child, she also cared about this, and it made her feel pretty insecure until she went to university.

When she was at university, a classmate said she looked a lot like San Mao, who happened to be her favorite author. So she started dressing like San Mao, and it really helped her feel more confident!

When she was praised again, she began to believe it, and gradually, she became more and more confident. Now she is the woman among my friends who knows best how to dress!

She's not the tallest at 160 cm, but her kind personality and carefree attitude make everyone forget about her height. She has an interesting and charming soul!

Everyone loves her for who she is on the inside, not what she looks like on the outside.

2. I really do think that some negative relationships are worth avoiding.

Over the past year, I've been slowly distancing myself from people and relationships that don't support me in a healthy way. I've also found myself feeling isolated, unable to connect deeply with others. Intimacy is often seen as the source of love, but in reality, it can also be a source of challenges.

From what you've told me, it seems like you've been hurt by some relationships. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but I'm here to listen if you want to talk.

I also said goodbye to a lovely group of friends two months ago. We'd been together for about 15 years!

Everyone has known each other for a long time and is very familiar with each other. It's so sad when friendships end, but it seems that in this case, it was because some friends had changed over time and the group just wasn't the same anymore.

Life is so long, and the friends around you change from time to time. It's totally normal for some people to part ways as they go along.

At the end of the day, people who share the same values will come together.

It's true that having lots of friends can be fun, but it can also be a bit overwhelming. It's good to have a few close friends who you can really connect with. After all, we all need to save some energy for ourselves!

Spend more time on yourself, work hard to improve yourself, and when you have more substance, your conversation and temperament will naturally make you charming and attract more outstanding people. I'm rooting for you!

I really hope this has been helpful for you! Wishing you all the best!

My dear, from what you've told me, I can really sense your confusion and helplessness.

If you're an introvert who's not great at expressing yourself, don't worry! There are plenty of ways to help you get out of your current state of confusion and helplessness.

1. When your mom says you don't look good or aren't tall enough, you can gently tell her how you feel when you hear this kind of thing. For example, you could say something like, "Mom, I'm so sad when you say things like that..." or "Mom, I know you love me, but it hurts my feelings when you say things like that..."

Showing your emotions appropriately in front of the people you love most will help strengthen the mother-daughter relationship. I truly believe your mother loves you, she just doesn't know how to express it. So the initiative to improve the parent-child relationship is in your hands, so take hold of it and do it!

2. The fact that there are always people chasing after you means that you actually have many attractive qualities, such as your voice, expression, way of dealing with people, and way of thinking. You might not recognize it yourself, but there are people who like your height and appearance.

Don't set limits on yourself, sweetheart. Find that thing you like, record it, repeat it constantly, affirm yourself, and believe that after a period of time, you will become more and more confident and sunny.

To wrap things up, it's only natural to feel down sometimes. When you're feeling blue, try to find something that gets your heart pumping, like a brisk walk, a run, or a bike ride.

It's so important to remember that when you're feeling sad, it's best not to overeat or drink.

Hello, lovely little goddess!

Now for the fun part: acceptance!

You've discovered that your mother's comments aren't true! Someone told her you look like a little goddess when you dress up. So why would your mother, who loves you most, lie to you? It's because she has a lack of acceptance. I think you and your mother have a lot in common!

You are not to blame for not being able to accept your appearance and looks. You don't have to accept such comments and imprison yourself in the cage of "I'm not good-looking, I'm not slim enough." There is no standard of beauty. The most beautiful people are the most confident. So can you see the underlying logic of your own thinking pattern? It's simple! Feeling that you are not beautiful = not having confidence in yourself = not being accepted by the people closest to you.

It's not your mother's fault if you can't accept the person she projected onto you. She had her own neglect and trauma in childhood, so she spent a lifetime healing herself. You don't accept yourself, and you seek acceptance from the outside. You long for intimacy, and in fact you long to be part of a group, association, or club. Socializing is important to you, and if no one invites you to participate in activities together, you will feel very lonely. But you can change this! You can learn to accept yourself and seek acceptance from within. You can learn to be comfortable with your own company. You can learn to be part of a group, association, or club. You can learn to socialize and enjoy it!

You've got to get these affirmations into your head as often as you can to build up some positive beliefs!

I love myself and I accept myself, warts and all! When others don't accept me, I accept that too.

[About intimacy]

You said that you find it difficult to develop intimacy when you leave people and relationships that like to suppress you. I think it is actually a sense of familiarity. People instinctively fear the unknown. Perhaps from childhood to adulthood, being picky has become commonplace. You are familiar with the pain caused by others picking on you, and you know nothing about the experience that a new way of interacting can bring, so you are afraid of developing a new way of interacting. But you can do it! Alienation is your protective color. With the positive beliefs about acceptance mentioned above, start developing your new interpersonal relationships. No matter what others' evaluations are (a cultivated person will never easily judge others), always believe that you are valuable.

The world loves you! And so do I!

Hello! I'm Zhang Huili, your listening teacher. I'm so excited to help you with this! If you find my answer useful, please click the like button and leave a comment. Thanks!

Hello, dear questioner!

"I'd love to hear any tips and advice on loving your body and your figure. Let's sort it out together."

It's so easy to see how your mother's opinion of her own appearance (she always says she hasn't grown, that she was ugly when she was born, and that she's getting uglier and uglier) has been internalized as your own opinion of your appearance. Why is this so?

As children, we learn about ourselves through the eyes of others, especially those who love us and care for us, like our caregivers.

Your mom loves you, and that's not going to change, even if she doesn't always show it in the way she talks about your appearance. When she says you're not growing taller, it's probably because she's just worried about your height, and that's because she loves you.

Try to recall the more positive interactions you had with your mother. Your mother loves you because you are her child, and that's a wonderful thing!

You can love yourself, including your body, just as your mother loved you.

In psychology, this is called reinterpreting the past in a positive way and melting the negative perceptions we have internalized. You can try to do this, understand it, and reconcile with your mother. I know it can be tough, but you can do it!

How can you love your body and your shape? We've got some suggestions for you!

(1) Accept your body and body shape, my dear.

It's true that a person's body shape is influenced by genetic factors. If there are relatively fat people among the parents, there's a greater chance that the children will be fat too.

It's totally okay to accept your body shape if it's determined by factors you can't change.

(2) It's so important to be aware of whether your body or your mind needs to eat.

You don't need to eat a lot to stay fit. We often eat more than we need because we're hungry for something else.

We all know how it goes. You're feeling lonely, you're sitting at home watching TV, you're feeling anxious, you're feeling unhappy. And then you eat. Why is this so?

The texture and smell of food can really help to lift our moods. It's amazing how eating, eating, eating can make us feel so happy!

This is the psychological need for food that causes us to eat more than our bodies need. The good news is that there are plenty of other ways to relieve emotions!

For example, you could try exercise, reading, listening to music, etc.

(3) Managing your body type

If you want to have a slim figure, you've got to learn to live a disciplined life! Go to bed and get up at the same time every day, exercise regularly, and control your diet.

Having a regular routine is really helpful when it comes to eating. Try to have three regular meals a day: eat well in the morning, eat until you are full at lunch, and eat until you are 70% full in the evening. It's especially important to avoid eating after 7 pm. Try to avoid snacking too, and go to bed before 11 pm.

You can also make some diet dishes yourself. There are so many great options out there, and the best part is that you can find a method that suits you perfectly!

(4) Love your body!

It's so important to accept yourself, and to find a healthy balance between eating well, exercising, getting enough rest, and letting nature take its course. There's beauty in being thin, and there's beauty in being fat.

With this mentality, we'll be able to view the comments of those around us in a rational way. We won't feel the need to stay away from people just because of what others say. It's okay to be alone sometimes, but we'll be able to recognize when we're feeling lonely and do something about it. People need to be in groups to feel a sense of belonging and intimacy.

(5) Find your own bright spot!

You've got this! Your own bright spots may balance out your shortcomings. Find them and be proud of them.

I really hope this helps!

Wishing you all the best!

Hello.

Your family often criticizes you, and you believe your family's ideas are correct, so you feel inferior and unable to take this step towards intimacy. I understand your feelings and mood.

We believe our family's evaluation of us is correct because we only have the role of family member around us. The outside world cannot get in close contact with us. We choose to avoid the closeness of people from the outside world. This makes us think our family's evaluation is correct. It's a one-sided view.

Let's be clear: family members' control and evaluation is mainly because they don't accept us. Their lack of acceptance reflects how they view themselves and is a manifestation of their own lack of acceptance. This lack of acceptance is also an idea of control that we want to exert, hoping that we can grow up under their control.

A person who has been hit and controlled while growing up will have a personality that is affected. It is impossible to establish a healthy intimate relationship that is related to the original family.

My advice is this:

First, accept yourself and believe in yourself. We may be in pain and unable to see our own strengths and weaknesses, but if we focus on the positive, we can also see our strengths. Write them down in a few words, describe them, and then praise yourself.

Second, learn to rationally view the comments of others, including those of loved ones. No matter whose comments they are, they are just comments to us. We can recognize ourselves from the comments. Of course, as long as we recognize ourselves, we also need to perceive, discover, and deeply understand ourselves to know ourselves. Then, we can rationally view other people's opinions of ourselves.

Third, you must learn to establish clear boundaries. When we are with our family, we blur the boundaries and cannot separate ourselves from our family. You think that your family's words are correct, but in fact, subconsciously, you and your family consider yourselves a community. Therefore, you must establish boundaries with your family because everyone is independent and needs their own space to grow.

Finally, you must learn to boost your self-confidence and accept yourself. You need to support yourself from within. See your own strengths and weaknesses. Learn to draw on the strengths of others to boost your self-confidence. Realize that you are not that bad. You have your own strengths. See the good in yourself and develop in a positive direction.

Hello!

I'm Kelly Shui, and I've read your question very carefully. Let's have a chat!

First, let's think about how to take care of our amazing bodies and love our incredible body types!

[PUA's mom]

The original poster said that their mother has been using PUA on them, saying every time they see her that they haven't grown taller, that they were ugly when they were born, and that they are getting uglier the more they look at them.

Let me try to imagine the mother's mentality!

I remember when I gave birth to my daughter, I was in the Jiangsu and Zhejiang area in the south, and there was actually such a custom! It was so interesting to learn that you could not praise a child as being good-looking.

When I took my child out for a walk, everyone said my child was ugly. But I never expected that they were actually praising the child for being well-raised!

I was lucky enough to consult an older aunt, who helped me understand that cultural differences are related to customs behind the language. I'm a "new immigrant" to this city, and it's been an amazing journey!

Otherwise, I would have been bothered by it. Everyone likes to be praised!

I'd love to know more about my mother's upbringing and living environment and how they were influenced by customs and culture!

2: Many mothers like to say the opposite. It's so important to remember that your mother approves of your appearance! Unfortunately, our education teaches us to be subtle and introverted, which is part of the dross of our Chinese culture.

But hey, times are changing! It's tough to be told you're not pretty by your own mother. I've been there too, and I know you can do it!

3: It would be so great if you could talk to your mother and find out if she received any praise when she was a child!

I'm so excited to share this idea with you! Let's assume that a mother who has never been praised since childhood will probably not praise her own children when they grow up.

I'm going to be a great mom! I'll encourage and affirm my kids so they know how much I love them.

Guess what! When I was a child, my mother belittled and criticized me. But when I became a mother, I would think along these lines and be empathetic.

4: The questioner can stop being a "good girl," forget those words, and remember who she is now!

You're absolutely right! The fact that someone has been chasing after you during your growth process shows that you are a very cute and likeable girl.

[Cultivate your own self-confidence]

The great news is that although the original family will have some influence, you can make your own decisions as an adult. What your mother says is just her opinion, and the questioner has seen a different result. Plus, what your mother says may not be right, so you can make up your own mind!

If others like and pursue you, it means you have your own merits—and that's a great thing!

The great news is that we can train our self-confidence!

1: Build up your own confidence!

Absolutely! You can ask the boys who chase after you what kind of girl you are in their eyes.

Let them tell you your strengths and what attracts them to you! It'll also help you understand yourself better.

2: Appearance fades, but wisdom does not! Read more, develop your strengths, and clearly understand your own strengths and weaknesses.

3: There is no such thing as perfection in the world, nor are there standards. Aesthetic standards are also very individual. Just as the old saying goes, "Different people have different tastes," and that's a wonderful thing!

The saying "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" has been passed down through the ages, and it's absolutely true!

4: Don't be afraid! You can learn to solve anything!

For example, the questioner said that basically, she has never had close contact with others. After all is said and done, those words from your mother have left a shadow on you. But guess what? You can choose to let them go!

Does the questioner agree with what her mother said? She definitely doesn't want to forget what her mother said!

?

As we get older, we slowly establish our own boundaries. You are the master of your own life. You can boldly go out with the boy you like! Love is also a course. Growing up in relationships may also let you know that you are worthy of love and affection, and that you are a lovely person.

So the questioner should absolutely not continue to be a child who obeys his mother! It is a choice.

And you can choose to listen to yourself, do what you want, develop yourself, grow yourself, and surpass yesterday's self!

The topic owner of "Inferiority and Transcendence" should definitely take a look!

5: It's time to take charge of your life! You don't have to worry about what others think.

When you learn to take responsibility for yourself and maintain good boundaries, it's the beginning of a whole new world of self-love!

Guess what! Next time your mother tells you that you are ugly or something like that, you can tell her clearly: "I am angry, furious, and I don't want to hear such things anymore."

Knowing how to love yourself also means not allowing others to criticize you. When you don't allow it, it's time to learn to be clear about your own heart! At the same time, give your mother the opportunity to grow and change her many years of bad habits. (The habit of criticizing you.)

6: Go out there and do things that will make you feel great and help you to live your best life!

Absolutely! You can be excellent despite low self-esteem. The questioner should write about their own strengths.

It's time to understand that even if you are not confident, it does not mean that you are not good enough. You have simply not found your own sense of achievement yet! And that's OK! You need the recognition of others and care about what others think, so let's get you there!

You can do things that make you feel a sense of accomplishment, and the best part is you can start with the simple ones!

For example, challenge yourself to read a thick book in one or two days, or try something you haven't dared to try before, such as taking the initiative to ask a guy out for dinner, go shopping, watch a movie, go to the library, etc.

Taking the initiative to choose is a great way to feel a sense of accomplishment. And the more you do it, the more confident you'll become!

7: The importance of choice

The questioner said that slowly leaving the people and relationships around them who like to suppress themselves is a great way to start! The ancients also said that those who associate with reds become red, and those who associate with blacks become black. Learning to choose good friends is also a wonderful thing to do!

Embrace your solitude and embrace your authentic self! If you're feeling a little lost, a counselor is always there to help.

And explore yourself!

If someone calls you a goddess, the questioner should be over the moon! These are all the ways others see you. I want to say that the people who truly love you and like you will not stop liking you just because you've gained a little weight.

A person likes you because they love the whole you!

The great news is that if you love and accept yourself, you will slowly come to accept the real you!

It's none of your business if someone doesn't like it! Everyone has their own rights, and we'll even dislike people we don't like. But that doesn't mean we dislike other people, or that we hate them. They're still good people!

A person is dynamic and constantly changing—and it's a beautiful thing!

The present does not mean eternity!

I'll stop here today, based on the questioner's question. And finally, I wish you all the courage in the world as you embark on your journey of self-discovery and find yourself soon!

We grow together here, and it's going to be a blast!

The world and I love you!