How does a 17-year-old girl in her last year of high school tell her family that she seems to have depression?

Dear question asker,

The necessity for social interaction is a universal experience that is both desired and sought after. In Maslow's hierarchy of needs, once the fundamental physiological requirements have been met and a sense of love and security has been established, the subsequent stage is the pursuit of self-fulfillment. This involves the integration into a community and the attainment of the respect and recognition of one's peers.

For many individuals, there is a cyclical interplay between fundamental physiological needs, love, security, and social needs.

It is therefore unnecessary to experience distress about one's reluctance to engage in social activities and fear of crowded places. Such behaviour is a typical and natural aspect of the process of self-development.

As previously stated, our social needs are contingent upon the resolution of our basic physiological needs, namely love and security. In the event that one is disinclined to engage in social activities, it would be prudent to address these underlying needs.

As a 17-year-old girl, your current situation is closely related to the family you grew up in. It can be reasonably assumed that your family did not provide you with effective and positive social support as you grew up. This lack of support may have contributed to your inability to imitate the behaviors of your family members, which in turn may have resulted in a lack of a social role model around you.

Your family is preoccupied with your academic performance and fails to acknowledge your emotional state.

As indicated in your statement, you perceive that your friends are unable to accommodate your negative emotional states. This is a common phenomenon.

Emotions that are perceived as negative can be cathartic when they are expressed, yet this can have a detrimental effect on those in close proximity to the individual experiencing such emotions.

It is generally undesirable to interact with individuals exhibiting negative emotional states. During the formation of interpersonal relationships, individuals tend to gravitate towards those who elicit positive emotional states and foster a relaxed atmosphere, while avoiding those who elicit negative emotional states. The inability to regulate one's emotions can impede the formation and maintenance of friendships.

The majority of individuals tend to evaluate their own performance based on the emotional responses of those in their immediate vicinity. In the absence of positive feedback from these individuals, a state of self-doubt and self-negation may ensue. This can result in the individual becoming highly defensive and protective, leading to feelings of insecurity and an inability to receive love and affection from their peers.

At this juncture, the aforementioned scenarios transpired.

Consequently, the phenomenon of social phobia can be regarded as a potential catalyst for positive change. Rather than engaging in internal conflict, individuals can turn inward to facilitate personal growth, emotional awareness, and the development of self-confidence. For instance, when engaging in conversation, individuals can adopt the following approach: listen more attentively, express positive non-verbal cues such as smiles and nods, and speak less, allowing their emotional responses to emerge.

The benefit of this approach is that the discussion does not ultimately devolve into a monologue.

One strategy for fostering friendships is to make eye contact, observe the subtle changes in facial expressions, and consider the direction of gaze and body language. This approach allows one to comprehend the other person's emotions beyond the words and achieve the goal of empathy. Alternatively, one can redirect the conversation to create a relaxed and pleasant atmosphere for communication.

These social skills can be acquired through learning, and at this stage, the primary objective is to grasp the fundamentals, establish a robust foundation, and progress to higher education. This aligns with the expectations of your family.

You indicate that you are currently experiencing significant distress on a daily basis. When you lose control of your emotions, you engage in self-harm behaviors such as hitting your hands on a table, biting yourself, and banging your head.

Due to your paranoid personality and strong desire for control, you have developed a state of nervous anxiety and somatization symptoms, including stomach aches, diarrhea, and insomnia. Furthermore, your grades have been declining, and you perceive yourself to be in a period of prolonged distress, with limited hope for the future.

One can seek assistance at this juncture and thereby initiate a process of change.

Let us begin with an examination of your emotional state. When such feelings arise, it is recommended that you record them in detail in a written format. This process of recording your emotions can prevent them from becoming generalized, and over time, you will become more aware of your emotions and learn to live in harmony with them.

It is also beneficial to have somatic manifestations. When emotions such as anxiety manifest, and one experiences stomach pain and diarrhea, it is possible to discern that these symptoms are caused by anxiety. One can practice breathing techniques and progressive muscle relaxation to reduce anxiety levels, become aware of these emotions, and gradually, the frequency of stomach pain and diarrhea will decrease.

In my experience, mindfulness breathing in mindfulness meditation has been an effective method for alleviating anxiety. Practicing for ten minutes every morning, noon, and night has yielded positive outcomes. However, if mindfulness breathing is ineffective, it is advisable to seek professional guidance, assess the level of anxiety, and perform systematic desensitization exercises.

Best regards,

My name is Chu Mingdeng, and I extend my sincerest regards to the world.