How should I deal with my two children's online learning?

Good morning, I can see that you are facing some challenges, and I am here to support you.

The situation at home is challenging due to the neighborhood lockdown and the need to supervise two children taking online classes.

It is important to note that the home learning environment differs from that of the classroom. As a result, it may be challenging to expect the same level of attentiveness and posture from children in an online setting.

One option is to allow the children to wear their school uniforms for online lessons, but this may still create a distinction between the learning environment at home and that of the school.

To guarantee that the two children can participate in effective online learning at home, it is essential to establish a conducive learning environment.

As an example, the class should be taken in a separate room, not in the living room, in an area where there is regular traffic.

What is the best way to ensure that the two children attend their online lessons?

The question is whether it would be advisable to sit next to them and supervise them.

This approach is not recommended.

Consider this scenario: if your boss were to sit next to you at work and observe your performance, you would likely feel uneasy, concerned that he might critique your work and distract you from your tasks.

Therefore, when your two children are taking online classes, you are not required to sit next to them to supervise them. The same principle applies.

I would like to suggest that you consider casting the content of your children's online classes on a television screen.

The benefit of this approach is that it prevents children from accessing their phones, preventing them from switching out or playing games when you are not monitoring them.

I am of the opinion that the lockdown in your neighborhood will be lifted in the near future.

This will allow your two children to resume their formal studies at school as soon as possible.

Once your children resume their formal studies at school, you will likely experience a reduction in your current level of anxiety.

I hope that the issue you are currently experiencing can be resolved as soon as possible.

I hope these suggestions are helpful and inspiring to you. I am available for further assistance if needed.

I hope my responses are helpful and inspiring. I am available to assist with any further questions you may have.

Best regards, Yixinli

Greetings. I extend my utmost support and encouragement in this challenging endeavor.

As a mother who has accompanied her young child to online classes for two months and is still uncertain as to when it will end, I would say that I believe I know the answer to this question, but I am unsure. I feel a sense of frustration and helplessness.

To illustrate, while I am composing these Q&As, my child is engaged in an online course in the living room in front of the television. However, on occasion, he becomes distracted, particularly during recess, and may even fall asleep on the sofa.

If queried, the child will assert that they are too fatigued to engage in the requested activity.

I am grateful that she consistently completes her homework. When she is watching television, I instruct her to stop and complete her homework, and she promptly ceases watching television and begins her homework.

It seems reasonable to posit that your child is also quite young. My own child is in primary school, and it is therefore possible to apply certain methods that may be effective in this context.

Firstly, it is advisable to adopt a more realistic outlook.

The home environment lacks the structured learning atmosphere that is characteristic of a traditional school setting. Therefore, it is unreasonable to expect children to perform at the same level as they would in an academic setting.

As long as the child is able to maintain attention in the classroom and complete the assigned homework, it is reasonable to allow for some flexibility in other areas.

Secondly, it is recommended that a daily schedule be established in order to promote regularity in one's daily routine.

For example, the schedule should include the times for waking, attending class, completing homework, and allotting time for leisure.

While the child is in class, it is important to create an environment that is conducive to learning. Parents should refrain from engaging in activities that may distract from the educational process, such as using their phones, cleaning, cooking, etc. They can, however, engage in work, study, reading, etc.

I typically rise at approximately 5:30 and then engage in work-related activities for a period of time. Subsequently, I prepare dinner or awaken my child to conduct the nucleic acid test. The timing of the nucleic acid test has recently been modified, so I wait until she has completed her class to perform the test.

It is recommended that you rise an hour later than usual for school. Following a meal, it is advisable to engage in reading for a period of time, review the scheduled classes for that day, and then allow your child to proceed to their respective classes.

Following the midday meal, it is advisable to allow the child to rest or engage in leisure activities. In the absence of afternoon classes, it is recommended to commence the homework routine.

I remain with her throughout the duration of her studies, maintaining a clear delineation between our respective activities. I engage in coding tasks, while she completes her homework assignments.

In general, it is advisable to plan for studying at home. It is not sufficient to plan only for one's children; one must also plan for oneself. It is possible to allow one's children to supervise one's studies.

Furthermore, it is essential to prioritize personal hygiene, including regular teeth brushing and face washing, in the morning. It is also important to note that some educational institutions may require students to participate in online classes, which may entail adhering to specific dress codes.

Furthermore, it is expected that parents will adhere to a standard of personal presentation that is consistent with the norms of the educational environment.

It is recommended that a fixed place in the home be designated for classes. In my own experience, my child's classroom is the living room, where classes are conducted on the family TV. A small table is placed in front of the TV, along with a chair from kindergarten. All other items not related to learning are stored away.

One may choose to make the ritual more formal by having the child place their school bag on their desk and exit the room, then return and close the door, as if entering a classroom. If other family members are present, they may assist by tidying the house promptly after the child's departure.

Subsequently, await your arrival.

The undertaking of online classes at home necessitates the exertion of effort on the part of the entire family.

It is possible to discuss with the child and establish a daily plan that is acceptable to all parties. However, it is important to ensure that the child is not overly restricted in their activities.

Young children lack the capacity for self-control, necessitating guidance and supervision. However, they should not be subjected to constant monitoring and should be afforded a degree of autonomy.

Additionally, a token of appreciation should be bestowed upon the child, such as allowing them to view their preferred cartoon or engage in play with a toy, with parental supervision.

Subsequently, parents should allow their children to establish a daily schedule and adhere to it. To illustrate, I previously desired to engage in nocturnal repose, yet I have since modified my habits to align with the expectations I set for my child. This entails retiring at an earlier hour and rising at a more conventional time.

In conclusion, it is recommended that parents attempt to create a learning environment that is similar to that which is experienced at school, with a fixed daily schedule. Parents should not withhold opportunities for their children, but should set an example by planning ahead.

Concurrently, it is advisable to reduce expectations to a certain extent and provide suitable incentives. This may take the form of a food item that the child particularly enjoys, which is not typically prepared due to time constraints, or allowing the child to watch a cartoon or animated film for an extended period, or engaging in a craft activity together, which is a rare occurrence.

It is imperative that adults maintain composure in such circumstances. It is crucial for parents to remain calm, as well as for educators and other adults in a position of authority.

In a recent online discussion, an individual shared that they were a teacher and were responsible for providing online instruction to their students from home. Additionally, they had two children who required online classes, and their spouse, a high school teacher, was currently unable to leave the school premises to provide online instruction to students. This situation prompted a range of reactions, including laughter, but ultimately, it led to a sense of relief for many, as they were only responsible for accompanying one child to online classes while worrying about the other.

It is important to remember that these difficulties will eventually subside. If you are experiencing significant distress, it may be helpful to express your feelings in an online forum where you can connect with other mothers who may be facing more challenging circumstances. This can provide a sense of solidarity and encouragement, allowing you to persevere through these challenging times.

Persevere.

As a psychological counselor, I frequently experience depressive episodes, yet I also possess moments of optimism. I extend my love and appreciation to the world.

Good day, mother. I can see that you are uncertain about the best way to parent. Thank you for inviting me to assist you. I am Yunqing.

The name "Net Yimama" is perceived as playful by some, but it also reflects the challenges and anxieties that many mothers face when accompanying their children to online classes. It evokes a sense of helplessness as well.

From your description, I can see that although you usually take care of two children, which is a challenging and demanding task, you can still maintain a level of emotional control. However, the current epidemic situation and community lockdown have led to frustration when the children display carelessness during online classes and a lack of seriousness about their studies. This has also caused some physical discomfort.

In this discussion, you have addressed two key issues.

Firstly, from the child's perspective, what is considered learning?

The children are at home studying and fidgeting, which is a common symptom of "unable to sit or stand properly." This behavior is causing you frustration, as you are repeatedly urging and reminding them to focus. However, the children are also engaging in other activities, such as taking online classes, but frequently checking their phones and playing games.

On the surface, although the children are nominally attending class, they are very casual because they are at home after all, and home is a place where we are free to relax. There is no sense of ritual in the environment like there is in a school classroom.

Further analysis reveals that the child's issues have been accumulating for an extended period and will only surface when specific conditions are met.

For example, it would be beneficial to determine the optimal times for the following activities: studying, playing, using the mobile phone as a learning tool, and playing games.

Have you established a set of agreed-upon rules with your child? Have you implemented a system with clearly defined rewards and consequences?

It is the responsibility of parents to cultivate and encourage time management skills, self-control, self-discipline, and other good learning and living habits in their children at a certain age.

Are children slow to learn because they are preoccupied with unfinished tasks, or because they lack motivation and the associated positive emotions that result from acquiring new knowledge? Have you ever engaged in open communication with your children to gain a deeper understanding of their needs and perspectives?

To rephrase, if you reiterate a message without variation, has your child become indifferent to your repeated urging, and does he or she ignore you, turn a deaf ear, and close their eyes to your words?

Please consider these aspects.

Secondly, from your perspective, how do you handle your child's learning and how do you adjust your emotions?

First, consider your own expectations regarding your child's learning attitude and behavior. Do you believe that your child should maintain a specific posture and conduct when studying?

It is important to note that there is nothing inherently wrong with this line of thinking. Every parent wants their child to pay attention in class and excel academically. However, the pandemic has introduced an unavoidable obstacle in the form of online classes. Despite the child being able to see and hear the teacher, the lack of physical presence in the classroom can create a disconnect in the learning experience. This may lead to some resistance from the child.

Play is a fundamental aspect of childhood. Attempting to suppress this natural inclination through prolonged periods of stillness and inactivity can result in discomfort and restlessness.

It is therefore important to consider how we communicate with our children and understand the reasons behind their discomfort with online learning. Once we have done this, we can work with them to develop a time management plan and consider the use of a point system to encourage or punish them, with the aim of helping them develop certain good habits.

Identifying issues in children at the primary school level and addressing them promptly or implementing adjustments will have a significant ripple effect, preventing the issues from becoming more complex and challenging to resolve as the children progress to adolescence.

Secondly, it is important to recognise that children's dislike of learning is not a reflection of their interest in the subject matter itself, but rather a result of their preference for learning in a manner that differs from that of their parents or teachers. Children have a natural desire to learn in a way that aligns with their individual preferences.

It is also important to understand that learning is the children's own responsibility, and that our role is that of a leader, rather than a participant. We must learn to let go appropriately and allow the children to take the lead in their learning, in order to give them the best chance of success.

Everyone has a psychological dependence. When others provide us with the same thing over and over, we are willing to enjoy or rely on this kind of unearned happiness. Children are the same. The more you do for them, the less they will do. When you take your children's affairs as your own, and when your children's behavior does not meet your internal needs, you will feel a sense of anxiety.

It is important to note that communicating this anxiety to children in words can result in them becoming annoyed over time.

It is important to recognize that if unresolved emotions are allowed to accumulate, they can lead to physical discomfort and illness over time.

It is therefore important to manage your emotions and utilise external resources to address challenges.

There are three methods for achieving this.

The initial step is to focus on your own emotions, followed by monitoring those of the child.

We can utilize breathing relaxation (meditation), exercise regulation (such as yoga, running, jumping rope, aerobics, etc.), or the butterfly-flapping method (crossing the left and right arms in front of the chest and gently flapping the corresponding shoulder, arm, etc.) to achieve this adjustment.

The second method is to encourage children to gradually assume responsibility for their own learning by providing opportunities for them to assist and compete with one another.

Thirdly, it is advisable to involve the father in family education as much as possible.

While the father of the child was not mentioned in the original question, it is important to note that the growth and development of a child requires the participation of both parents. In cases where the father is not permitted to have daily contact with the children, alternative methods of involvement, such as regular video calls or phone calls, can be utilized to ensure his continued contribution to the child's upbringing. This can also help to alleviate the fatigue and exhaustion often experienced by parents in such circumstances.

Naturally, my responses above reflect a common challenge faced by families with children. It is possible that your particular situation may entail additional complexities. I hope that my input today proves beneficial to you.

My name is Yun Qing, and I am a family education instructor dedicated to guiding families on their journey of self-sufficiency. I hope this message finds you well.

Hello, I am Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun.

You are frustrated. You are dealing with epidemic risk control in the community, various household chores, and two domesticated animals at home taking online classes. You have to be a great support for your family members and take on the responsibility of supervising and tutoring your children's homework. You also have to bear the invisible mental pressure of facing the epidemic.

Let's be real, stress can really overwhelm and suffocate us. The pandemic has already shrunk our space for movement, and being in the same room with family members has also reduced the buffer zone. It's inevitable that there will be moments of "explosion" (emotions and tantrums).

Take a deep breath and give yourself a warm hug. I have been at home for five days in silence as a "sub-close contact" person. I am also facing separation from my loved one, taking care of my child's daily life and studies, and at the same time learning to cook from scratch.

I'm going to share with you an effective method of self-care: acknowledgement – connection – friendly dialogue. Use the second person.

"Acknowledge": You are under a lot of stress, which makes you easily irritable.

"Connection": If someone else encountered these situations, the pandemic lockdown of the community, taking care of the family's daily lives, and also tutoring the children's homework, taking on so many concrete matters and pressures, they would undoubtedly go "crazy." There are many parents around us who are facing such difficulties.

"Friendly dialogue": This is only temporary. The epidemic will be lifted, children will return to school, and with the support and companionship of family members, everything will improve.

When doing this, place your right hand over your heart and your left hand on top of it. Breathe deeply. This will help you achieve self-empowerment by becoming aware of your emotions and accepting yourself.

I have two more pieces of advice for you.

1. Confront your child's studies head-on.

It is the parents' responsibility to ensure their child is learning. If you are more anxious than your child about their learning, you need to work on this. Primary school is manageable, but junior high school, especially after the second year, is more of a test of a child's independence. This is when parents can't help anymore, and the child becomes dependent again.

These are the results of small things added together. Therefore, in terms of child education, you must set rules for him, let him understand that learning is his own business, and provide help and guidance when necessary. The key is to help children develop good learning habits and protect their interest in learning during the early school years.

Set rules together as a family. Get the children to set standards for themselves. Use the power of the masses. Don't ignore the role of sibling rivalry.

2. Communication with your partner

Family responsibilities require the participation of all family members. It is clear that you are taking on almost all of the responsibilities in the family, including picking up and dropping off the children at school, helping with their homework, and doing all kinds of household chores.

I don't know if you are a stay-at-home mom, but you still need your husband to be involved.

For example, after work, when interacting with their children, in many families, the father is "invisible." This is a mistake. An anxious mother and an absent father will result in an out-of-control child. However, the role of the father in a child's development is indispensable. Some boys lack the courage of a man, and this is something that no mother, no matter how great, can give.

Your husband should also communicate with you intimately. Even if he doesn't do anything else, just quiet companionship and listening quietly can emotionally satisfy you: being seen, being cared for, and being understood.

You are a woman first and foremost, and only secondly a mother and wife. Your husband and children need a mother with a warm heart, not a superman. Learn to love yourself and let go of the things your husband and children should do themselves.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you, and I love you.

If you want to continue communicating, click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Dear Problem Owner,

Please accept this warm gesture of support. Our focus is on Tianya.com.

I am aware of the challenges associated with material shortages during the three-month epidemic at the beginning of the year in Shanghai, as well as the extended periods spent accompanying your child with online classes at home.

As the adage goes, it takes more than a day to freeze three feet of snow. The emotions you have accumulated over the years will inevitably manifest. Who is not a child anymore? Who does not require a comforting embrace? I extend another embrace to you.

Upon review of your schedule, it is evident that you have allocated significant time to your children and work, with minimal time allocated for personal care and needs. Could you please elaborate on your typical approach to self-care and fulfillment?

What are your colleagues doing during the online meeting? It is important for children to take online meetings seriously, and it is important to keep the office in order. If everything is not running on track, do you blame yourself a lot?

[Learn to prioritize self-care]

When we engage in self-criticism, we activate the body's threat defense system (sometimes referred to as the "reptilian brain"). Of all the ways we can react to perceived danger, the threat defense system is the fastest and easiest to trigger.

This indicates that self-criticism is frequently our initial response when circumstances deviate from our expectations.

Perceived threats can cause stress, which can lead to anxiety and depression. This illustrates why habitual self-criticism is detrimental to emotional and physical health. In the case of self-criticism, one is both the criticizer and the criticized.

Please define self-compassion.

The concept of self-compassion was introduced by American psychologist Kristin Neff (2003) as a positive approach to self-awareness within the field of positive psychology. It involves fostering a mindset that protects individuals from self-criticism and rumination.

Also known as self-compassion and self-sympathy, it is a source of love and courage. The core elements of self-care are: self-friendliness, common humanity, and positive thinking.

The quality of self-care directly impacts the quality of our lives. I am unsure if you concur with this assertion. However, differing values, interpretations of the world, and attitudes towards life influence our approach to self-care, which in turn affects the state of our lives.

This discrepancy in life states is analogous to the differences observed between species in the animal kingdom.

When inquiring about self-care, it is important to consider one's personal values. For instance, some individuals may find fulfillment in treating themselves to a special meal after a period of financial stability, purchasing a desired item, and engaging in social interaction.

For some individuals with spiritual beliefs, it is considered appropriate to exercise restraint in certain material desires and to prioritize spiritual pursuits.

For a mother who is extremely demanding of herself, the greatest reward is having well-behaved children and an orderly home.

Please describe your definition of self-care in alignment with your values. Additionally, please provide examples of past actions you have taken to care for yourself.

Please describe the types of care that have had a significant impact on your life. Also, please describe your usual methods of self-care.

In a state of self-care, how would you describe the condition of your body and mind?

Is the environment peaceful? Is it vibrant?

Do you feel free? Do you feel cared for?

Please describe the sensation as if it were being held in the palm of your hand.

In a state of self-care, how would you describe your relationship? And how would you describe your relationship with colleagues at work?

Please describe your relationship with your parents.

When you experience feelings of self-blame, it is important to distinguish between a temporary mood and a more prolonged sense of disappointment in oneself. Similarly, when a friend ends a relationship, it is not uncommon to turn to alcohol as a temporary coping mechanism. However, this can have adverse effects on one's health and well-being.

What is the best way to take proper care of yourself?

I believe that self-care is a fundamental human ability. Without it, we would not survive. It is, therefore, crucial to understand how to care for ourselves properly.

1. Be aware of your own personal situation.

When we find ourselves engaging in self-critical behaviors such as condemnation, criticism, or self-denial, it is important to promptly identify these patterns and take corrective action. One effective approach is to offer yourself a supportive gesture, such as a comforting embrace, and express regret for your actions. This could be conveyed as, "I apologize for denying you again. I realize that I have not been taking good care of you, and I take responsibility for that. I love you."

2. Identify and clarify the events, thoughts, and feelings involved.

Please identify the event that triggered our emotions. Also, describe our thoughts and feelings at the time.

Is there a way to view the event in a different light?

3. Accept your own feelings.

There is no right or wrong in how we feel. These emotions serve as reminders that it is time to prioritize self-care. If we experience feelings of fear, guilt, or shame, it is important to recognize that these are natural parts of the human experience. We should strive to adopt an accepting attitude, understand ourselves, feel ourselves, and be tolerant of ourselves.

4. Adopt a mindset that considers the perspective of others. Tolerating differences in opinion is a form of self-tolerance.

In the event of observing negative emotions in others, it is important to separate our own emotions and demonstrate understanding for the other person's emotions. Treating others with understanding is a reflection of how we would like to be treated ourselves.

5. Maintain a positive outlook.

In the period following the conclusion of the pandemic, I considered the role of my two pets in my personal growth. They demonstrated qualities of acceptance, detachment, strength, bravery, and open-mindedness, which I believe are valuable traits to be thankful for. With the pandemic now behind us, and winter now upon us, I am grateful for the lessons these animals have taught me.

Sacred animals will always mature, leave their homes, and have children. There is no reason to fear this. They will have their day too, and the wheel of life turns.

Life is cyclical. If it is not rain, it will be sunshine. If you cannot cry, laugh out loud. I am a psychological counselor, Zhang Huili. I hope my answer is helpful. If you find it useful, please click like and leave a review. Thank you.