How should one maintain relationships with colleagues and with leaders?

Hello! I really hope my answer can help you a little.

It can be really tough when you suddenly have to change your environment and deal with more complex interpersonal relationships. It's totally normal to feel afraid of being isolated in your new department. It seems like you're trying to be friendly and show your superiors and colleagues that you're a great team player, but it might be a bit self-defeating. I can imagine you feel a bit indignant deep down. I've never worked in a hospital, so I don't really understand the workplace relationships that need to be maintained in a hospital. But I can give you some references from a psychological perspective that might help.

We're here to help! Here's our advice:

It would be really helpful for you to go and see what it is that you're really afraid of behind your fear of being isolated.

I'd love to hear more about what you experienced when you felt isolated at university. Who was there to support you?

I'd love to know what you were thinking and what conclusion you came to at the time.

These questions can really help you understand yourself better. It seems like the fear you feel because of this situation is actually triggered by an "unfinished event" in the past that triggered emotions in the past. What we really need to do is deal with those old emotions. It's so important to see these emotions and thoughts, otherwise, when you encounter a similar situation, you might feel uneasy.

So, we just need to find out what is behind this fear. When you are isolated, what do you think?

Or maybe you feel like you're not good enough?

Or maybe you think you're not worthy of love? Or that you just don't deserve it?

So, what we really fear is this kind of self-denial and disapproval triggered by restrictive thoughts in the back of our minds, this kind of questioning and lack of support for ourselves. We fear such a self that we are not willing to accept, and that's okay!

Some folks are totally unfazed by isolation. They don't blame themselves for feeling isolated. They're really good at understanding themselves and enjoying a fulfilling life. So, isolation isn't a problem for them. Or, they might think, "Even if I'm isolated in the new department, I've still got lots of other great relationships. I've got my family, I've got lots of good friends, I've got lots of nurturing circles, and other relationships will give me support and nourishment. I don't necessarily need these colleagues in the department to give me recognition." So, they're not so nervous and afraid.

2. The good news is that we can all enhance our inner strength! In relationships, it's also important to take care of our own feelings first. When we make ourselves comfortable, it's easier to develop and maintain a healthy relationship. Instead of trying to please others or feeling aggrieved in order to gain a superficial sense of not being isolated, we can focus on our own needs.

Absolutely! As I mentioned before, if someone has inner strength, even if they're on their own, they won't feel uneasy because of it. Instead, they can be kind and understanding to themselves, and they can also give themselves a little boost and encouragement. They won't completely shut themselves off because of one aspect and let themselves fall into trouble.

And in a relationship, if we keep on putting ourselves down and giving to others without getting anything in return, it's not going to last long. We need to remember that our inner selves are full of needs too! If we don't get what we need, it can lead to anger and dissatisfaction. And if we don't deal with these feelings, they can affect our relationships.

If you can take care of your own feelings in relationships, and on the basis of following the rules of the department, without judging or blaming, express your needs and feelings sincerely and consistently to your colleagues and leaders, and also listen to their needs and feelings, face the problems of the department together, negotiate and do what you can, you'll be more comfortable and at ease in relationships, and you'll also be more able to give full play to your abilities, which will also be more conducive to the development of your relationships.

3. It's so important to remember that no matter what kind of relationship you want to handle externally, the most important thing is that we need to handle our own relationships. When we are internally harmonious, our external relationships will become more and more harmonious.

It's so interesting how our inner world affects our outer world! When we're feeling happy and positive inside, it's like we see a happy, positive outer world too. And when we're feeling down and out, it's like we see a sad, negative outer world. It's like our inner world is a mirror for our outer world!

So, if you want to handle all those external relationships, you've got to start with your own relationship with yourself.

It's only natural to hope that your leader will see it, that someone will give you justice and understand you. But what about yourself? Are you giving yourself the seeing and understanding you need, and are you giving yourself the comfort and recognition you want?

When we lack something inside, we will seek it outside. It's only natural! When you long for others to recognize and see you, it shows that you don't recognize yourself enough, and you don't really see yourself. But when you recognize yourself enough, and there is no longer so much lack inside, you will not be so eager for others' recognition, because you already have it yourself, and you will not be so eager for the outside world to give it to you.

I really think you'd benefit from reading the books "The Courage to Be Disliked," "The Power of Self-Care," and "The Miracle of Self-Affirmation."

I hope this is helpful for you! Sending you lots of love and best wishes!

Hello, I am Xintan coach Fei Yun. Life is an amazing journey! It's not about appreciation, but about blooming and flourishing!

Because of the sense of gain and loss brought about by comparison, it causes psychological imbalance, making you feel torn and consumed by internal conflict. On the one hand, you envy those who are close to "pleasing" their leaders, but on the other hand, you can't do it yourself. So you are annoyed in this state of "wanting, needing, and demanding." But here's the good news! You can overcome this challenge by recognizing that you have the power to choose your own path. You can decide to stop comparing yourself to others and start focusing on your own unique strengths and abilities. This shift in perspective will help you feel more balanced and at ease with yourself.

1. There's nothing better than an equal relationship! It makes people feel most comfortable.

People are social animals, and relationships are a part of everyone's life. That means there's so much potential for making our work and study more effective by handling interpersonal relationships well!

Your old boss took care of you, and you were able to work comfortably in the same department as your husband. Now, you have the exciting opportunity to build new relationships in different departments. You're eager to please and take care of others, and you're ready to embrace this new challenge!

As you said, those close to the leader also seem to be flattering and deceiving, but they have also paid more, whether it is financial resources, energy, or physical strength. In other words, the cost and the reward are still equivalent, which is great!

Absolutely! There's no love without a reason, and there's no hatred without a reason either. In all kinds of relationships, relative equality (including respect and trust) makes both sides feel comfortable.

Even in close relationships, if one party only gives and the other only takes, the other party will feel guilty, leading to an unequal relationship where only one party is comfortable. This is especially true among colleagues at work, so let's make sure we're all on the same page!

It's just that your initiative and flattery lack some methods and skills. But that's okay! We all have room to grow. The results are naturally different when others ask for your help, when your leader assigns you a task, and when you take the initiative to apply.

You can't learn these things from anyone else. They're unique to you and your personality. So, it's up to you to find ways to thrive in your work life. Reflect on your experiences and find a path that makes you happy!

2. Polish your expertise and boost your emotional intelligence!

Embrace your true self! You are you, and learning from others is not being yourself. You worry that you will be isolated, that you are jealous of others who are more capable and more popular, and you are confused about how you should change to get along better.

In fact, the simpler the better, the more authentic the less trouble! First, although you and your husband work in different departments, you are still in the same organization, and there is still an effect of 1+1>2.

Second, hospitals also have a KPI system. This is your chance to improve your medical skills, do your job well, maintain appropriate relationships with others, and be confident in your performance!

Finally, people are realistic. Doctors themselves bear a greater responsibility for saving lives and relieving suffering. If a real mistake is made at work, no amount of closeness will help. But everyone is also busy running around for fame and fortune, and in the end, they are just seeking peace of mind and "self-protection."

I want to tell you that being your own biggest cheerleader is the most powerful thing you can do! Everything else is just a passing cloud. Human value is not only measured by money and status, but more importantly, it is the way you evaluate yourself in your heart.

At 40, you'll be free of confusion. Especially after retirement, when dust returns to dust and soil returns to soil, everything becomes a fleeting cloud. You've let go of what you once cared about and worried about, and you've realized that the only things that truly matter are your family and your health.

I want to encourage you to take a longer view and look at these worries again in 10 or 20 years. Imagine how you will feel then!

I highly recommend "Growing for Life" and "A Change of Heart" for you! It's a great idea to cultivate your own interests and hobbies, expand your circle of friends, and open up your mind and horizons a bit. You'll be amazed at how much better you feel when you do! There really is "nothing in the world for ordinary people to trouble themselves about."

I really hope this helps you! The world and I love you!

I'd love to continue the conversation! You can follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service," to stay in touch.

Hello! I'll give you a big hug.

After reading your question, I suggest you take a different approach to your colleagues—from an economic perspective.

There's a joke online about what a colleague is: people who get together because they're poor. In other words, colleagues are people who work together to get the job done so that everyone gets paid.

At the end of the day, colleagues are there to work together and achieve a common goal. Think of them as people who help you get your work done and earn you a salary.

Leadership is also about working together. The leader is someone who helps you reach your goals and can give you more support.

To put it more simply, think of your colleagues as tools. They help you achieve your work goals, and you help them achieve theirs.

It's really quite simple. I'd like to take a moment to say that you shouldn't look for so-called emotional value in your work relationships. This is not what work or colleagues should provide for you. Work or colleagues provide you with more economic value, helping you earn money.

From what you've said, it seems like you're looking to build a closer relationship with your colleagues in the department. It's like how you were in the same department as your husband before. You were in the same department as your husband because you had a very close relationship with him. He would help you out of trouble or help you deal with relationships with your colleagues, which made things a little easier for you in the department.

Now you've switched to a new department, your husband isn't with you, and you probably still expect someone like your husband to look after you. This is probably also the reason why you want to get close to the head of the department. Having left your husband, you don't trust yourself to interact with others. It doesn't matter whether you have the ability or not; you just don't think you can handle your relationships with your colleagues.

You're in a bit of a contradictory state of mind. You want to get along well with your colleagues, but you feel like you're only giving. You want to get close to the head of the department, but you know that the only way to do so is to do his work for him. Everyone else is doing this and getting preferential treatment, and you resent the fact that you're not getting preferential treatment. But you don't want to join in the head of the department's game. This makes you feel really drained, like you want something but don't want to do something.

You said you felt isolated at university and now you're worried about being isolated again, so you want to make sure you're not isolated now. That means you're happy to take shifts for others and want to get close to the head of the department.

I think you might be afraid of being isolated, and it might not just be because you were isolated in college. There might be deeper reasons.

First, I suggest you talk to a psychologist. Your distress didn't just start now; it may have started when you were a child and was triggered when you were in university. After you started working, you were in the same department as your husband, so the problem was temporarily suppressed. Now that you are in a new department and your husband is not around, your trauma has been triggered again. You haven't given much information, so I suggest you have a good chat with a psychologist.

Second, if you can, I suggest you have a quick chat with your husband. Up until now, your husband has helped you to reject some things, so that you could be in a safe harbor.

Now, go have a quick chat with him. Tell him about your problems and see what advice he has.

Third, think about how you view colleague relationships. I suggest you read "Managing Up" and "The Art of Managing Up," which are about relationships with your leaders.

I think you should look into getting some professional help.

I'm a counselor who's often down but sometimes up. I love what I do and I love you.

Hello. It's clear to me that you're confused about your role in the workplace. I understand that you and your husband were in the same department, but that changed when the department was restructured. You took the initiative to make friends with others and volunteered to work two consecutive days of duty on the 30th day of the Lunar New Year. You're tired.

You are dissatisfied with the imbalance of abilities among your colleagues and the leadership's favoritism. You want to get close to the director to receive special treatment, but you are worried that you cannot bear the pressure of more work. You need to make a move.

I can see that you're anxious, isolated, tired, and unhappy. These feelings may be a result of previously feeling secure working in the same department as your husband, but now being separated from him has increased your sense of isolation; fatigue from working consecutive shifts on New Year's Eve; and dissatisfaction with the unfairness of your colleagues' abilities and the leadership's favoritism.

These emotions are likely caused by uncertainty about the future and concerns about being disconnected from your surroundings. You have always longed for recognition from your leaders, but you should take on more responsibilities.

Let's be real: hard work alone doesn't cut it. You need a little luck too.

Everyone wants to be recognized by others, but caring too much about what others think is a waste of time and energy. Everyone is an independent individual, and we should enjoy being alone.

In the workplace, you will undoubtedly face a variety of challenges. It is crucial to differentiate between public and private matters, prioritize conflicts, and ensure that personal emotions do not impede your work.

You must learn to accept reality. Try relaxing exercises such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga to relieve anxiety.

Find the fun in your work to increase job satisfaction. Look for new opportunities in other departments that suit you. Maintain a positive attitude and look for new opportunities for development.

Best wishes.

The questioner is clearly confused and helpless. He wants to do a good job, be appreciated by his leaders, and receive a generous salary. However, his personal work ability limits him from getting what he wants. This makes him feel conflicted and unsure of what to do.

Ideals are full of beautiful imagination, but real life is not like that. There may be this and that, but there may not be this and that. There will always be things that are not as good as you want, unlike ideals that are always satisfactory.

The questioner must improve his or her work ability and do more things to gain the appreciation and recognition of the leader and improve his or her own treatment. This is a cause-and-effect relationship. The questioner will only be able to get what he or she wants if he or she does it and keeps doing it. This does not mean that the questioner will definitely be able to get it.

You decide what kind of work you do. Your leader decides whether you get a raise. This also includes the quality of your personal relationship with your leader. People have relationships and disputes over interests.

The questioner has been in his job for a long time, and if his personal work ability could be improved, it would have been done a long time ago. Age and the accumulation of work procedures will affect the improvement of one's work ability. Therefore, I believe that if the questioner's work ability really cannot be improved, it is better to steadily do one's essential work well. As for salary and benefits, do your best, and if you can improve, do so. If you cannot, accept it.

At work, everyone is still a colleague, and the leader is still the leader. As for how to get along with each other outside of work, it is flexible. You can continue to be colleagues or friends. You decide how to deal with it.

Hello. You're in a tough spot.

You want to maintain good relations with your colleagues and supervisors, but you don't want to work too hard or be isolated.

Your offer to work on New Year's Eve is kind, but don't take on too much.

It is important to do your work and look out for yourself at work.

Sincerity and respect are key to relationships with colleagues. Try to communicate well and work together.

Don't try to please others, but don't be aloof either. Try to participate in some team activities to increase understanding and trust.

Be professional and positive with your leader. Do your best work and report on it regularly.

You can also show your abilities and talents to your leader. I understand your feeling. It is unfair to see less capable colleagues getting more preferential treatment and rewards.

But relying on relationships to get special treatment isn't a long-term solution and can have negative effects.

Focus on improving your abilities and performance. Learn and improve your professional skills to increase your value and competitiveness at work.

You might earn a higher salary and more recognition without special treatment.

You can also talk to the director about your workload. Tell them about your work style and abilities. See if you can find a good balance that lets you do your work well and help the department.

Believe in yourself and don't worry about others. Everyone develops at their own pace. If you keep going and focus on yourself, you'll get what you deserve.

This is the link between knowledge and action. I wish you happiness for the rest of your lives.

Hello, I'm listening.

It seems that you and your husband are no longer working in the same department, which may evoke some feelings of not being accepted by a small group from your early years. In order to avoid any potential difficulties, you may be seeking a sense of security and trying to better integrate yourself into the new group. You may have made a decision that was not entirely in line with your original intentions, which has involved you in some challenges, requiring you to dedicate time, energy, and physical strength. You may feel that you are at a loss and that you can only get along with others by making personal sacrifices.

In your relationship with your leader, it is important to find a balance between trying to please your leader and being treated fairly. You have worked hard and deserve recognition for your abilities. It is natural to want fairness and equality in the workplace.

Although the two topics are distinct, I sense a common thread. I aspire to be seen and accepted by my colleagues and my leader, and to be recognized for my abilities and qualifications. I hope to avoid being excluded from the group.

You seem to possess the strength and ability to succeed.

You are a responsible and capable person. Given the challenges of the hospital, you managed to pass. Could I ask why you said that your husband is capable and that your previous leader appreciated him, which led to you remaining in the same department despite violating the rules?

Could it be that you and your leader both recognize your abilities? As you mentioned, you have been working for many years and are very thorough in your work.

It might be helpful to establish a sense of boundaries and take care of yourself.

Perhaps it would be helpful to listen to your inner voice and distinguish between what you should do and what others should do. Distinguishing could mean seeing who will bear the ultimate responsibility.

It would be beneficial to focus on taking care of your own feelings first, before worrying about other people's. It seems like you're already feeling overwhelmed.

While building a good relationship may sometimes require some tolerance, it is important to remember to take care of yourself first.

It might be helpful to accept the situation as it is and set clear goals.

It might be helpful to accept the situation as it is and then see if there is a way to work with it.

Could you please clarify what you mean by "not being isolated in terms of interpersonal relationships"?

Could I ask if you have a clear goal in mind?

If you could provide as much detail as possible, that would be greatly appreciated. Having a clear goal in mind allows you to adjust your response strategy and adapt to changing circumstances.

1. It would be beneficial to establish good working relationships with colleagues. While maintaining friendly relations with colleagues is important, it is also important to be mindful of your personal boundaries and to avoid forcing intimacy if you feel uncomfortable or uneasy.

It is important to respect the privacy and personal space of others, while also protecting your own privacy. If you feel overwhelmed or need help at work, you can ask other colleagues for advice or assistance, but try to avoid placing too much of a burden on them.

It is important to maintain positive communication with your leader. You can take the initiative to report work progress, make suggestions, and ask questions, but it is best to avoid relying too heavily on your leader's decisions and opinions.

If you feel that the arrangements made by your leader are not quite what you had in mind, you can express your thoughts and opinions in a way that is respectful and constructive. It is important to pay attention to the way and tone you use to ensure that your feedback is heard in a way that avoids conflict and misunderstanding.

It would be beneficial to understand how to truly love others, as this can help to correct your energy field and improve your relationships.

To truly love others is to wish and give others happiness, and to do so for everyone, the outstanding, the ordinary, including the weak. Psychologically, one should accept and forgive, or let go of the ego and forgive. If there are mistakes or shortcomings, then one should be able to correct them. Everyone has the right to happiness. People can bring each other spiritual comfort and even joy. It is beneficial to love and accept others and oneself, to tolerate shortcomings and inadequacies, and to be kind at heart. That is, it is beneficial to others or society, not to disdain or reject ordinary people, and not to be jealous or intolerant of outstanding people.

If you find that you don't connect with others on a deeper level, it can lead to feelings of negativity and emotional distress. It's important to cultivate a genuine love for others, adapt to different personalities and situations, and align your energy field with a more positive and loving state of mind. This can help you to more easily find and maintain loving relationships and careers. You can also share your thoughts, feelings, and interests with others in real life and online, such as through Douban communities.

It would be beneficial to embrace love and contentment in all aspects of life, including in one's personal relationships and in appreciating the smaller, everyday joys.

It is worth noting that negative energy can potentially impact our health. To maintain comfort and wellbeing, it may be beneficial to consider incorporating some form of whole-body massage into your routine. Head massage, for instance, can include techniques targeting the forehead and face, which also have meridian points. It is recommended to use a firm and gentle touch when massaging these areas, and to avoid direct pressure on the stomach when done on an empty stomach.

If you find yourself experiencing negative emotions or thoughts, feeling uncomfortable or unhealthy, facing challenges or difficulties in relationships, family issues, or even at school or in your career, it could be that you are focusing too much on yourself and your own needs, and have accumulated too much negative energy. When we are too self-centered, it can make it difficult to connect with others and navigate relationships. Learning to truly love and accept others, adapt to different people and situations, and align your energy field to avoid or reduce negative emotions, resolve conflicts, improve interpersonal relationships, and better solve the above problems can be beneficial. If you feel comfortable doing so, you can also support those around you to grow and change together.

Hello!

From your description, I can tell you're confused and helpless. You're good at noticing this uncomfortable feeling, and it's brave of you to face it.

I understand. I'm here for you.

You and your husband were in the same department, but then you were transferred to a different department. You felt isolated at the university. To get along with your colleagues, you tried to please them. You also tried to please the leadership to get preferential treatment, but it made you feel tired. You understood that if you wanted benefits, you had to pay, but you were uncomfortable. Is that right?

From what you said, I can tell you feel guilty and helpless. I want to tell you this isn't your fault. It might be related to what happened in college.

After the incident, you felt uncomfortable. It wasn't dealt with, so you felt nervous and tried to please your colleagues.

The circle of peaceful coexistence. I want to tell you that when you try to please him, you'll lose strength.

It will make you feel uncomfortable.

All problems are resources. We can solve them. When you become aware of something and come here, you are already changing.

Based on what you said, I have some ideas that might help.

First, get help from others.

You seem to be caught in a vicious circle of emotions, which is causing you a lot of mental distress. I suggest you seek help from a professional counselor. They can help you get over your university internship experience and then give you the courage and confidence to face your relationships with your colleagues.

Read more books on relationships and psychology. Take psychology courses.

If you're confused at work, talk to your husband. He can help you with your relationships.

Be more aware and clear.

All emotions have two sides. We need to know what's behind our positive thoughts.

Don't you want to be treated well? Are we not confident?

Be aware of your emotions, sort them out, and add positive energy to yourself.

Love and respect yourself.

All relationships are between us and ourselves. You can choose to love and respect yourself, even though college made you feel bad.

Be yourself. This will help you adjust your state of mind. You can also use your own mental suggestions and meditation exercises to give yourself some inner strength.

Learn to release negative emotions.

You're afraid to face these relationships because you're worried about feeling uncomfortable. My suggestion is that you learn to get this discomfort out of your body. You can vent your emotions by exercising more and talking to someone.

It helps relieve discomfort when we let out our emotions.

The only people who are healed in life are those who are willing to be healed. When you come here to talk about it,

Talking and seeing are healing.

If you keep learning and growing, you can break free from mental depletion and achieve a relaxed, comfortable state of life and work.

I recommend a few books.

"Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychiatrist," "The Courage to Be Disliked," "Mirror Exercises," and "The Brain Code for Happiness."

Dear Questioner, I am deeply moved by your emotions and experiences. You have become a doctor through your own hard work and abilities, which is an admirable profession.

However, when the hospital environment changes, relationships with colleagues are adjusted, and workplace rules are updated, you may experience feelings of anxiety, fear, and confusion, akin to an unexpected nightfall. This is understandable, as it stems from your deep desire for self-worth, a sense of belonging, and fairness.

In regard to professional relationships, emotions serve as a form of intuitive guidance, prompting actions that align with our needs and goals. Your apprehension about being isolated is, in fact, a signal from your emotions, indicating a desire for social connection and integration within the team.

This is also an instinctive response. At the same time, your tendency to over-adapt to the needs of others also shows your desire to pay a price for recognition.

It is recommended that you identify and address the underlying emotions and needs associated with these emotions.

Your decision to work on New Year's Eve may have been influenced subconsciously by an early, isolating experience. At that time, you may have developed the belief that you have to give more to be accepted and recognized.

However, "more" is not always "better" and can sometimes result in unnecessary sacrifice and exhaustion. Maintaining a healthy work-life balance is essential, and it involves defining personal boundaries to ensure your well-being is protected.

Everyone is unique, and "being" means that everyone has the possibility to feel, think, and realize themselves. As an individual, you seek recognition of personal value and fulfillment of your social role in the workplace, which is a completely reasonable pursuit.

Your desire for fairer treatment and recognition of your work indicates that you are seeking to establish your self-worth and the significance of your contributions.

In light of the circumstances you have outlined, I would like to offer the following suggestions for your consideration:

1. **Define boundaries**: Set clear boundaries for yourself in your relationships with colleagues. While it is beneficial to be helpful, ensure that this giving does not become a burden on your health and personal well-being.

2. Communication and self-advocacy: Clearly express your needs and expectations, and do not hesitate to decline additional responsibilities when necessary. Effective communication enables others to better understand your requirements and speak up on your behalf when appropriate.

3. **Establish sincere colleague relationships**: There is no need to cultivate relationships for the sake of some kind of benefit. Sincerity and professionalism are the keys to establishing stable working relationships. An atmosphere of mutual support, respect, and recognition of each other's contributions will foster a more harmonious team environment.

4. **Positive interaction with your leader**: Maintain positive interaction with your leader, offer constructive suggestions, and at the same time inform them of your work limitations. Leadership is not just about delegating authority, but also about fostering a collaborative environment where individuals can grow and progress together.

5. Professional Development: Allow the quality of your work to speak for itself by continually developing and enhancing your medical skills. You may also wish to consider career counseling to plan your career path and identify additional avenues for self-fulfillment.

While it is true that injustice and pressure in the workplace are inevitable, you still have the power to shape yourself and your surroundings. From a medical perspective, it is of the utmost importance to maintain your physical and mental health.

I hope these words will prove both inspiring and helpful to you. Please remember that people with your qualities will succeed in any environment.

I am confident that you will find your niche in your chosen field. I wish you the best of luck and hope that in the future you will find more fairness, harmony, and fulfillment in your work.

Dear colleague, I want to start by saying that I respect you. You've worked as a doctor for many years and have always been respectful and conscientious at work, as well as being supportive of your family.

I can see you're feeling confused and stressed. It's only natural to feel scared and uneasy when faced with changes in the work environment, especially when you're in a different department from your partner and have to deal with an increased workload and responsibilities. The "umbrella" you once relied on is no longer there, which makes you feel isolated and helpless, and you're worried about how you'll get along in your new environment.

It's tough for you to stay on top of your work and keep an eye on your colleagues.

The fear of being isolated you mentioned might be related to experiences in your early years. Attachment theory suggests that early relationships with primary caregivers can influence how someone relates to others in the future.

You mentioned the experience of being isolated at university, which might have caused you to worry about forming and maintaining relationships. This might have left a deep impression on you, causing you to still worry about being isolated as an adult.

Now, this anxiety is triggered again in the current work environment, and you try to avoid being isolated again by showing goodwill.

It's normal to feel frustrated when you think there's an unfair balance between the workload and the pay.

People often compare their own efforts and achievements with those of others. When they discover that others seem to have achieved more without having made the same efforts, they may feel frustrated and unfair. This emotional response is known in psychology as the "sense of injustice." It may stem from expectations about the relationship between effort and reward.

This sense of injustice can get worse when you feel like your efforts aren't being recognized properly.

When it comes to your relationships with colleagues and leaders, it's a tricky area. In the workplace, having good relationships can help you get things done, but you also need to be professional and set some boundaries.

Workplace relationships are based on mutual respect, trust, and cooperation. Keeping a positive attitude and working to improve your professional abilities are key to maintaining and improving these relationships.

You've already taken some positive steps to tackle these challenges, like volunteering to work on New Year's Eve, which shows your sense of responsibility and care for your colleagues. But you're also aware of how excessive workloads can impact your physical and mental health.

If you're struggling with your workload, it might be helpful to chat with your manager about finding a more reasonable work arrangement. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but an important step in protecting your rights and health.

We all face challenges and difficulties in our careers, but these experiences help us grow and become more resilient. I believe you have what it takes to overcome your current difficulties and find a way of coping that works for you. I believe you can find a path that suits you and continue to shine in your career.

Hello, I'm ZQ, a heart exploration coach from the Yixinli platform. It seems you're unsure about your relationship with colleagues and leaders. From your description, I can see you want to maintain a good relationship with colleagues.

You'll try to please people. You might volunteer to work overtime or the night shift.

Do things you shouldn't. You're talented but earn less than others. This may reflect poor relations with your boss.

If you want to get along with your boss, you may have to take on more responsibilities.

To get closer to your leader, take on more responsibilities. If you can't accept these responsibilities, you probably can't meet the previous conditions.

Some people do more to get what they want.

For example, brown-nosing or treating people to gifts and meals. This can help offset some of the things you need to do, which is also in line with current social norms. This has existed since ancient times. If you are responsible at work and have good abilities, your salary will not necessarily be very high.

You are afraid of being isolated, so you avoid fighting for rights. You will show goodwill to colleagues and work hard. You know you work meticulously and slowly, so you cannot do too much. Perhaps you can start by sucking up, treating people to gifts, and drawing closer to usual relationships.

There's a limit to this. Don't go overboard. Be specific. Don't give gifts you shouldn't.

Give something needed, like a small cake or perfume for a birthday.

If you're not satisfied with the final result, you may have to be more assertive and reject some decisions. Take the Life Base Colors and Inner Animal Archetypes test to understand yourself better and find ways to improve. Good luck!

ZQ?

Great question!

In the workplace, it's totally normal to experience some confusion or setbacks. It's all part of the journey! And it's okay to have some negative emotional experiences along the way.

I'm excited to share some thoughts with you that I think you'll find really helpful!

The questioner introduced, "I'm afraid of being isolated, so I take the initiative to show goodwill to my colleagues." "I see many colleagues who are less capable than me, but they earn more than me and get more favor from the leaders." These are just temporary value judgments and emotional expressions when you are in a low mood. The real situation is often not as you imagine, so let's focus on the positive!

It's so important to take a good, hard look at why you're having trouble in your career and in your relationships. Don't get bogged down in negative emotions like "I was isolated when I went to college." Instead, focus on what you can do to turn things around!

The situation described by the questioner is an excellent opportunity to explore the feasibility of achieving one's expectations in one's current work and interpersonal relationships in the hospital, as well as one's confidence and courage. In psychology, this can be explained in terms of self-efficacy, which is a fascinating concept!

Self-efficacy is all about having the confidence to take on new challenges and seeing yourself succeed! It's about having the belief in yourself and your abilities to complete a task, and it's a great way to stay motivated and optimistic.

People with a high sense of self-efficacy are able to confidently choose more challenging goals and embrace the opportunities that come with them. They are optimistic and confident, ready to take on whatever comes their way!

People with low self-efficacy are afraid of challenges. But there's no need to be afraid! You can overcome this by choosing more challenging goals and being optimistic. People with low self-efficacy are used to avoiding or giving up. But you can change this by taking the first step and giving it a go! People with low self-efficacy are prone to negative disappointment and pessimistic emotions. But you can turn this around by choosing to have a positive outlook.

If you want to supercharge your self-efficacy, remember to keep a sunny disposition when you hit a bump in the road at work or in your relationships.

A positive attitude is a game-changer! It can help you tackle challenges head-on, find your true north, and work hard to improve.

Just as you actively went to the platform to find support and help, this can broaden your perspective, change your thinking, and give you some valuable and positive encouragement, help, and advice—it's a great way to get the support you need!

I highly recommend that you also actively seek out more help from family, friends, colleagues, and other sources. You'll be amazed at how much more valuable advice, support, and encouragement you'll receive!

The good news is that you can start improving your sense of self-efficacy right away by focusing on your inner career development. All you need to do is believe in your own strength and know that you can do well on your own.

Internal career is all about combining and changing factors like knowledge, ideas, experience, ability, psychological quality, physical health, and inner feelings when you're engaged in a certain occupation.

For example, the doctor's work you are currently engaged in also requires you to continue to improve and exercise your knowledge, experience, abilities, and psychological qualities. And you should definitely not focus too much on "getting close to the director and receiving some special treatment."

The great news is that inner career is mainly obtained through continuous self-exploration, not through "connections," and is supported by one's own efforts.

Your inner life is the key to a great work and interpersonal experience!

If your inner career is lacking in a solitary state, and you have no lover to provide direct help and support in the department, it is not surprising to feel frustrated in the workplace and in interpersonal relationships. But don't worry! You can easily turn this around.

So, it's time to focus on your internal career development! In your work in the department, you get to do three awesome things: 1. Summarize and reflect on your professional strengths. 2. Research a direction that suits your personal development. 3. Make a practical plan with achievable goals.

You should absolutely break down big goals into smaller ones! Then, be down-to-earth and start with the basics. Practice step by step, and you'll be amazed at what you can achieve!

You've got this! In the process of striving to achieve one small goal after another, you must constantly affirm and encourage yourself. You're going to achieve that ideal goal in your heart!

I really hope this helps you!

Hello, question asker!

From what you've told me, it seems like before, when you and your husband were in the same department and your husband was the director's favorite, he took better care of you.

However, after changing departments, the new director's work requirements are a bit stressful for you, and you have to work harder to gain his approval.

You feel like you just can't bear it yourself, and it's not fair to see others get promoted and get a pay rise.

It doesn't matter if you're doing it out of selfishness or a genuine desire to help—the fact is, you're working the night shift, which is a kind deed. It allows colleagues who have traveled a long way to go home.

But if you choose to do something you don't want to do, you will feel very tired, my friend.

Teacher Zhang Xuemei is a great example of someone who puts the needs of their students first, even if it means putting themselves last. She's a true hero! It's exhausting, but she's willing to go the extra mile for her students. This is being physically tired but not mentally.

You're tired both physically and mentally because you're not willing, sweetie.

So, my dear friend, try not to go against your heart's desires and do the things you are truly willing to do, and you'll find you're not so tired.

It seems like you think that if you want a promotion and a pay rise, you have to fawn all over the director to get their attention.

I'd really love to know if this is really the case in reality!

Is there really only one way to be recognized as a good doctor? I don't think so! Are there other ways?

For example, some doctors who popularize medical science are very popular with the public and give them a sense of accomplishment. Isn't that great? Some people have already started commercial collaborations. There is not just one way to do things.

It can be really tiring when your own way of doing things is different from the overall environment. I can relate! You mentioned that you are meticulous, but your boss requires speed, and you don't know how to get along with your colleagues.

This might take a little adjustment on your part, but I know you can do it!

It's great to be attentive, but it's also important to focus on the main points sometimes.

You know, if you can see the bright spots in your colleagues, you can learn so much from them!

Open your heart, give it a try, and then enjoy the wonderful rewards that come your way!

I wish you the best of luck!

Hello, I'm Jokerev. Dear doctor friend, I understand your distress and anxiety, and I can help.

The changes in the work environment, adjustments in interpersonal relationships, and challenges to your perception of self-worth have undoubtedly made you feel stressed. Take a moment to find a quiet corner to settle these complex emotions. Everyone feels uneasy and confused when faced with change, and this is a normal reaction.

You once said that you firmly believed in your own strength and that you could live a good life through hard work. This is an extremely valuable quality and the cornerstone of your success as an excellent doctor. The changes brought about by the restructuring of the department do not mean that your abilities and professionalism have been weakened. On the contrary, life has given you an opportunity to re-examine your relationships with others.

In the workplace, you will undoubtedly encounter some unfair practices, such as colleagues gaining more benefits through their connections or the favor of their leaders. However, you must remember that in the long run, solid professional skills and a good work ethic are the foundation of your success in the medical industry.

In terms of interpersonal relationships, whether with colleagues or leaders, mutual respect and sincere mutual assistance are of paramount importance. Getting close or trying to please others is not the goal.

You're right to take the initiative with the duty roster, but you also need to learn to express your needs reasonably and seek fair treatment at the right time. Speak to the person in charge and explain how continuous duty impacts your health and work efficiency. You should be able to get it adjusted.

Maintaining a sense of appropriate distance and independence is crucial for avoiding the passive situation caused by over-reliance on others and protecting yourself from overwork.

For directors or other leaders, recognition is important, but more importantly, you must recognize yourself. You don't have to rush to get close to them for special treatment. Instead, focus on improving your abilities and making real achievements. This will earn you respect and status in the team.

Treat people sincerely and be willing to help. Know how to set boundaries, reject unreasonable demands, and protect your rights and interests. Cultivate friendship and collaboration through shared experiences and difficulties. Don't cater to others; be yourself. You'll naturally attract like-minded friends and partners.

Ultimately, regardless of external circumstances, the most crucial thing is to find inner peace and resilience, stay true to your original intentions, and be your most authentic self. As the saying goes, "The world is like a mirror: frown at it and it frowns back at you; smile at it and it smiles back at you."

You will find the confidence and composure you need in a complex environment and continue to write your own wonderful chapters.

Good morning. I am a heart exploration coach, and I am pleased to be able to offer you some advice.

From your description, it is evident that you have previously been well-protected, both by your previous director and your husband. In the past, the two of you were in the same department and looked after by the director, and there were many tasks to be completed, so they probably appreciated your contributions.

There are several factors at play. Given the director's appreciation for you both, he will not exert excessive pressure. However, with your transfer to two different departments, you are now without the director's guidance and your husband's support.

Do you feel that the director's care is secondary to your husband's?

It can be reasonably assumed that your husband's willingness to provide care and support is motivated by a desire to offer you a sense of security. Given that you have both been employed in the same department for an extended period, there may have been instances where you have had disagreements with other colleagues. In such cases, your husband has been available to assist in resolving these issues.

Or in your department, your colleagues are aware of your relationship and therefore have a good working relationship with each other. However, the change of director and the adjustment of your husband have resulted in the removal of the two individuals who were instrumental in supporting you.

At this juncture, you are experiencing the familiar sensation of fear.

You are aware that your current fear stems from being isolated in college, so you are also afraid of being isolated now. Previously, you had your husband as your closest relationship, and the issue that has arisen is that you are unsure of how to communicate with your colleagues.

One word in particular caught my attention: "showing goodwill." It's important to note that a relationship does not necessitate the display of goodwill as a means of achieving it. Displaying goodwill may, however, indicate a lack of confidence and may also lead others to perceive weakness.

However, I can see that you are very attentive and meticulous. You may be slow, but it is because you are meticulous. This is your passion for work and your conscientiousness, which are assets in any role.

It is important not to allow a lack of confidence to affect your work performance. It is essential to identify which colleagues you have the best working relationship with and whether there are any conflicts with other colleagues.

If the relationship is typical, that is a positive outcome. We have developed a normal relationship into a more harmonious one with each person, and there was no need to interject goodwill.

It would be beneficial to offer assistance when appropriate and to interact with each other when the opportunity arises. Spending a significant amount of time together will foster strong emotional connections. I understand that you have recently been transferred to your current department. It is a new beginning, unlike the relationships you had before, which spanned many years.

Instead of being intimidated by the unknown and fearful of starting from scratch, we can view ourselves as objective observers and assess the personality traits of our colleagues to identify any differences. What behavioral differences can we learn from?

These are all potential starting points for interacting and communicating with others.

Additionally, it is important to consider the relationship between yourself and your director. Given that the director is the leader, it is likely that those who are close to him are given more work.

Does increased workload necessarily correlate with promotion opportunities? Are there other benefits to consider?

What image do you wish to project to your colleagues in this group?

It is also important to confirm your desired image. For example, if you want to be seen as highly skilled or meticulous, or just an ordinary person, you need to consider all of this.

Given the changes in the environment, it is essential to adapt rather than dwelling on fears. Otherwise, we risk stagnation or even retreat due to internal conflicts.

You also raised the issue of working on New Year's Eve. Many of your colleagues are planning to leave early because they are from elsewhere, and you empathize with their situation. You offered to work on New Year's Eve to help out.

You are, in fact, a very kind person. Have you expressed your willingness to fight for them and to consider their needs?

It is my impression that you may be less adept at articulating your inner thoughts. Despite your best efforts and thoughtful consideration, there is a possibility that they are unaware.

Furthermore, the current situation is not conducive to anonymity. You have been assigned to work two consecutive days, and the person scheduling the shifts prioritizes more senior doctors.

When faced with a real situation, it is important to express your needs and analyze the best course of action based on the individual styles of those involved.

While you may not be particularly adept at interpersonal relationships, this is an excellent opportunity for you. You can organize some details about things that happen in your daily life, visit my personal homepage, and ask me these questions.

I will assist you in alleviating this internal concern as comprehensively as possible and in formulating a plan that aligns with your current circumstances.

I will then await your response and wish you the best of luck.

Hello, question asker. I'm Evan, and I'm here to help.

From the questioner's description, it is clear that the questioner is confused and feels helpless. As a doctor, the questioner's work pressure is very high, and when coupled with interpersonal relationship issues, it is understandable that the questioner feels uneasy and tired.

In the workplace, we often have to navigate not only interpersonal relationships with colleagues but also those with visitors. The issue the questioner is facing is more about their interpersonal relationships in the workplace.

Dealing with one's leader and colleagues at work is a challenging issue many people face. The question asker is not alone in this.

What matters is what help the questioner wants from the leader and what he wants in the workplace. The questioner needs to understand his own inner needs first. From the text, it's clear that the questioner is like a child who is growing up and doesn't know how to deal with his father's partiality. He's full of grievances and longing.

In a hospital, doctors' professional competence should be valued above all else.

Since the question was asked on a platform, we cannot discuss it in depth. However, we can give the questioner some simple advice.

Career development and personal value: As a doctor, the questioner's primary task is to ensure the safety and health of patients. By working hard, the questioner has demonstrated his professional competence and sense of responsibility, and has won the trust and respect of his leaders.

The questioner mentioned "believing in one's own strength." This self-affirmation and self-confidence is crucial. The questioner's value and achievements should not be defined solely by their relationship with their leader or by comparison with other colleagues.

The subject's professional skills and care for patients are the foundation of their professional value.

Handling Interpersonal Relationships: In the workplace, it is essential to establish good interpersonal relationships. This does not mean that the questioner needs to sacrifice their principles or overdo it. The questioner can and should communicate openly and honestly with their colleagues to find common ground and ways to cooperate.

Get along with your colleagues by being sincere and friendly. Learn about their interests, hobbies, and family situations so you can find common topics and points of exchange. Respect your colleagues' opinions and ideas. Don't criticize or accuse others without good reason. Understand and support their views. Every colleague has their own strengths. You have professional ability, while your colleagues may have strengths in interpersonal relationships.

Maintain good relations with your colleagues, but don't get too close or too distant.

Communication in the workplace: If you encounter problems, you must maintain positive communication with your leaders. Report on work progress and problems promptly and seek their advice and support. Think from your leaders' perspective, understand their expectations and needs, and meet their requirements.

It is important to maintain a good relationship with your leader, but you should also maintain your independence and autonomy. Do not overly rely on your leader's support and care. Find a balance in terms of workload.

Take on some responsibilities, but also protect yourself and avoid overwork. When you are dissatisfied with certain arrangements, promptly raise your suggestions. Raise your requests at certain times, otherwise it is easy for others to ignore your needs. Communicate with the head of the department about your workload and abilities and seek a reasonable solution.

It is normal to feel indignant when faced with unfairness. You must learn to regulate your emotions and stress and maintain a balanced state of mind and emotions. Prolonged emotional fluctuations will affect your health and work performance.

The questioner can learn some emotional management skills, such as meditation, exercise, or other relaxation methods, which will help the questioner better deal with these emotions. At the same time, the questioner should realize that unfairness and competition in the workplace are normal and that dwelling on the treatment and favoritism of others is unproductive.

Maintain a positive attitude, pay attention to your growth and development, and constantly improve your professional abilities and value.

Seek support. If you're feeling overwhelmed, don't hesitate to reach out to your loved ones, friends, or professionals. They can provide valuable insights and solutions that might help you find new perspectives.

Seek help from a counselor. Share your feelings and confusion with them. Get advice and support. Find out how you deal with interpersonal relationships in the workplace and where your interpersonal style comes from. Find the root cause of your emotions. This will make a big difference in how you deal with interpersonal relationships in the future.

Adhere to principles and adapt to the environment. I understand the situation you're in. As professionals, we want to achieve something or make a breakthrough. We neglect interpersonal relationships because we're focused on our careers. But we have to learn how to adapt to these environments.

In order to succeed in the current environment, you must adhere to your principles and bottom line. In the workplace, you need to find your bottom line, but you also need to learn to handle various situations flexibly. It is crucial to understand how to handle interpersonal relationships and how to handle relationships with your leaders.

As a doctor, I expect the questioner to prioritize his own physical and mental health to ensure the wellbeing of his patients. In interpersonal relationships, maintain an attitude of sincerity, respect, and understanding while also focusing on your own growth and development. The questioner's dedication and professionalism will undoubtedly be recognized and rewarded.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to the questioner.

Maintaining good relationships with colleagues and supervisors can be challenging in any workplace, but it is especially important in a highly professional and stressful environment like a hospital. It can also be a key factor in career development. From what you have shared, it seems that you are facing a few challenges, including feelings of unease due to job restructuring, anxiety about building relationships with colleagues, and confusion about how to interact with your supervisor to ensure fair treatment.

The following offers some suggestions from the perspective of maintaining relationships with colleagues and leaders.

1. Maintaining relationships with colleagues

1. Build trust and respect: It is important to establish a foundation of mutual trust and respect among colleagues. Through daily communication and cooperation, you can demonstrate your professional abilities and work attitude, which may help colleagues recognize your value and contribution.

2. Communication and collaboration: Please participate actively in team discussions and share your insights and suggestions. When problems arise, we kindly ask that you work with your colleagues to find solutions and demonstrate your team spirit and willingness to collaborate.

3. Boundaries and balance: While trying to integrate into the team, it would be beneficial to pay attention to maintaining personal boundaries and avoid increasing your own stress by being overly accommodating or sacrificing personal time.

4. Confront isolation head-on: If you feel isolated, you might consider actively communicating and interacting more with your colleagues and participating in team activities. It's also important to maintain self-awareness and recognize that it's not always possible for everyone to become close friends. The goal is to maintain a good and professional working relationship.

2. Maintaining a relationship with your leader

1. It is advisable to communicate clearly with your manager on a regular basis. This should include reporting on your work progress and expressing your career expectations and challenges. Clear and honest communication can help your manager better understand your situation and provide support when necessary.

2. Seek feedback and guidance: It may be beneficial to take the initiative to seek feedback from your leader to gain insight into your work performance and potential areas for improvement. Additionally, you could also inquire about career development advice from your leader to demonstrate your commitment to personal growth.

3. Boundaries and self-protection: While maintaining a good relationship with your leader is important, it is also wise to consider your own interests and avoid taking on too much work by excessively pleasing your leader.

4. Professional development: You can increase your value to the team by improving your professional skills and knowledge. This may also help to improve your job satisfaction and make your contributions more recognized by your leaders and colleagues.

3. Comprehensive strategies

1. Self-improvement: It would be beneficial to continuously improve your professional skills and knowledge in order to enhance your status and influence within the team.

2. Build a network: It may be helpful to develop a network of colleagues, peers in other departments, and leaders in the workplace, as they can provide support and guidance when difficulties arise.

3. Mental adjustment: In the face of workplace pressures and changes, it is important to maintain a positive attitude. You may find it helpful to reduce stress through exercise, hobbies, or communication with family and friends.

4. Career planning: It might be helpful to consider your long-term career goals and develop a plan and steps to achieve them. Clarifying your career direction could potentially assist you in making more targeted decisions in your daily work.

I hope that by offering these suggestions, I can help you find your proper position in your new work environment, maintain good relationships with your colleagues and leaders, and protect your interests and career development. It is important to remember that the workplace is a process of continuous learning and adaptation. I believe that with an open mind and a positive outlook, you can overcome your current challenges and achieve your personal career development goals.