How to calm the restless mind and truly focus on oneself?

Dear question asker,

Reading your account brings back memories of my high school days. There were times when I felt irritable, when things didn't go as planned, when my temper was short and I was easily impatient. At such times, I often wondered if my period was about to start.

Could I ask you a question?

Some of the mental symptoms that may be experienced as a result of premenstrual syndrome include:

It is not uncommon for women to experience mood swings, such as irritability, emotional sensitivity, anxiety, and difficulty concentrating, in the days leading up to their period. These are symptoms of premenstrual syndrome (PMS), a collection of psychological and physiological symptoms that usually begin 3 to 7 days before menstruation. PMS often occurs during the latter part of the luteal phase and the beginning of menstruation, and is thought to be caused by a sharp decrease in the two hormones estrogen and progesterone.

I could feel these changes quite clearly, so when I knew that I might be experiencing symptoms such as anxiety and impatience because I was about to get my period, I decided to try to remain calm about these symptoms. I then chose to adopt a more relaxed pace of life and reduce my stress.

In terms of diet, it may be helpful to avoid things that cause internal heat as much as possible, and to drink some chrysanthemum tea to reduce internal heat. It might also be beneficial to tell the family around you and to gain their understanding, as this could help to make the period more manageable.

If these symptoms are more serious, it might be helpful to seek professional psychological counseling for deeper communication and to gain a better understanding of the underlying causes of these symptoms.

I must admit that I'm not the most organized person, but I'm grateful for your understanding. Thank you for reading!

Good day. I can see that you are experiencing some difficulties, and I hope that I can be of assistance.

Given your tendency to become anxious about trivial matters and your sensitivity and irritability, we suggest the following adjustments:

First, establish clear objectives. The academic workload in your second year of high school is significant, and it may be beneficial to focus more of your energy on your goals. It is helpful to break down your larger objectives into smaller, daily goals, with as much detail as possible. By achieving each smaller goal, you will not only reduce your anxiety but also increase your sense of control.

Secondly, it is important to manage stress levels. Stress is a significant contributor to anxiety. When stress and emotions arise, it is essential to understand how to effectively release and relieve them. This can be achieved through various methods, including sports, listening to music, writing, meditation, and more. These techniques can help to promptly relieve stress and return the body and mind to a relaxed state, which can then be used to find the energy to calm oneself.

Third, take the initiative to communicate. Attempt to initiate interactions and communication with your colleagues, and be proactive in sending out friendly signals. In communicating with your team members, you may find that many individuals share similar concerns and that others are not as intimidating as you initially perceived.

By opening up to others, you may gain a different perspective and make valuable insights.

The general is moving forward with confidence, focusing on the task at hand and trusting in his abilities.

I hope you have a rewarding day.

Hello, question asker!

Context:

I totally get you! I can feel your anxiety, irritability, sensitivity, and unease just by reading between the lines. Let's dive in together:

I totally get you! I can feel the anxiety, irritability, sensitivity, and unease in your words. Let's take a look:

▪ "I once fell off a stool in class, and it made me realize that I need to be more careful when sitting on stools. I'm excited to learn more about safety and make sure I'm always being mindful when I sit on stools."

▪ "Fell off a stool in class once, which causes anxiety every time I sit on a stool."

I think it must have been quite embarrassing at that time. The attention of my classmates was attracted, and some of them even laughed, so that every time I sit on a stool, I get to relive that incredible moment and double-check that it is safe.

I think it must have been quite embarrassing at that time. My classmates' attention was attracted, and some of them even laughed, so that every time I sit on a stool, I get to relive that exciting incident and double-check whether it is safe.

▪ "I'm always thinking about the little things in life, and I'm sensitive to other people's eyes and words. I'm always worried about bad things happening, but I also know that I can handle whatever comes my way!"

I'm excited to share more about myself with you!

This is actually a very normal phenomenon! When we are caught in a negative emotion, we often associate it with more negative or bad situations, which also exacerbates this negative emotion. This can create a vicious cycle, but it's also an opportunity for growth and change!

I'm really curious to know what's behind the questioner's sensitivity and worry. Could it be a fear of being ridiculed?

I'm really curious to find out what's behind the questioner's sensitivity and worries. Could it be a fear of being ridiculed?

Or maybe it's a fear of disapproval from others. Whatever it is, we'll get to the bottom of it together!

"Because I get angry very easily, my emotions make me feel very uncomfortable, and I can't calm my mind down at all, so I can't focus on my own world, my own studies, etc."

"Because I get angry very easily, my emotions make me feel very uncomfortable. I can't calm my mind down, and I can't concentrate on my own world, my own studies, etc."

Absolutely!

The questioner may wish to record where their anger points are. This is a great way to get to know their anger better and prevent it in advance! Writing about it also helps to focus.

"I get angry, irritable, and anxious easily. There's always something that can make me anxious, but I don't think I have an anxiety disorder. And you know what? I'm okay with that! I'm working on it, and I'm excited to see what I can do to make things better."

"I get angry, irritable, and anxious easily. There's always something that can make me anxious, but I don't think I have an anxiety disorder. And you know what? I'm okay with that! I'm working on it, and I'm excited to see what I can do to make things better."

It's totally normal to feel anxious and irritable when you encounter certain things. But whether or not it's anxiety disorder, you can get help! You can go to the school's psychological counselor or, if you're not at ease, you can also go to a specialized institution for diagnosis.

Ready to make some positive changes? Here are some ways to adjust:

Ready to make some changes? Here are some ways to adjust:

▪ Accept yourself!

You can do it!

And there's more! Accepting yourself also means embracing your strengths and weaknesses, as well as some of your past and present states. For example, you can accept that you are indeed a bit sensitive and anxious, and not put too much pressure on yourself or blame yourself too much.

And most importantly, you get to embrace your imperfections! You get to admit that you are just the way you are, not so good and perfect, but at the same time, you get to believe that you also have the ability to change the situation and do better!

Replace negative suggestions with positive ones!

You can do it!

Reframe your mindset by replacing "I can't," "I'm afraid," and "I dare not" with "I can," "I will," and "I'm great," and so on.

And the best part is, you can do it all!

There are so many ways to cheer yourself up and give yourself more encouragement! You can read more inspirational books and watch movies, write about your feelings, and especially record some good methods that you find practical.

Distract yourself with something fun and exciting!

And now for something really fun!

Do something you love to distract yourself from negative emotions! Try listening to your favorite music or going for a run.

▪ Don't care what others think!

And the best part is, you can do it all!

Everyone's past experiences and living environments are different, which leads to different thinking habits and styles of doing things. And that's a great thing! As long as you can do your best without any regrets, you don't need to care too much about other people's opinions or perceptions.

▪ Learn to relax!

Sometimes when you are too nervous, it is easy to fall into a negative mood and find it hard to get out of it. But don't worry! You can try deep breathing, muscle relaxation techniques, meditation, etc. to calm your mind.

I really hope my answer will be helpful to the questioner! Best wishes!

I really hope my answer is helpful to the original poster! Best wishes!

Hello, sweetie! I'm a heart coach, and I'm here to support you in letting go, offering warmth and a listening ear to your emotional story.

You feel distracted because you cannot concentrate and focus on the task at hand, which gives you the chance to explore other things that catch your eye.

This makes you anxious, but it's a good thing! It shows you have a good sense of self and can feel your own feelings and emotions.

And this is also a sign of your active pursuit of progress and your desire to concentrate on studying!

Let's start with a warm hug! There are always more than three solutions to everything. Let's take a look!

Meditation is a fantastic way to stimulate your wisdom!

Everyone is born with wisdom, and the great thing is, we can all grow and become enlightened through continuous learning! Our thoughts can be influenced by the outside world and other people, but we can choose to focus on the positive and use this as an opportunity to develop our wisdom.

Absolutely! Your attention will be enhanced. You were absolutely right when you said that when you have a worry, start "staring" at someone or something. That person or thing will already be "amplified," such as your worry, falling off a stool, or being unable to concentrate on something.

It's like I give you the command "Don't think of a white cat," but instead your mind goes and thinks of a white cat!

Evolutionary psychology has some fascinating insights to share! It suggests that the human mind is a set of information-processing devices that have been shaped by natural selection.

This incredible process is designed to help us adapt to the challenges of our existence. It's like a pattern that our amazing brain has created for us!

The amazing brain has a "reward center" incentive mechanism, which was developed to motivate certain behaviors that are beneficial to survival.

The amazing brain has not just one, but two incredible mechanisms! It has a "reward center" that provides incentives and an "avoidance mechanism" that makes you feel disgust and nausea.

So, get to know yourself! Learn to recognize the patterns in your own thinking, emotions, and behaviors. When you understand these patterns, you can make the right choices and change them when you need to.

Cultivating your ability to meditate is a great way to maintain awareness! You can listen to light music, meditate, or sit quietly. You can even focus your attention on your breathing, feeling each breath in and out. This is the best way to train yourself to "live in the moment."

?2. Recognize emotions and let go of judgment

There is no such thing as positive or negative emotions! All emotions are messages and energy from our lives. Of course, emotions can lead to negative behaviors, but it is important to pay attention to the choices we make when we are feeling a certain emotion (I may be worried, but I can also choose to take action to prevent that worry).

There's no better way to control your emotions than to become the master of them! Just like getting to know a person, you can understand the character traits of your emotions and make the most of them.

For example, anxiety is a fear of the future that, in a sense, drives us forward (keeping us highly vigilant). Being in a state of constant alertness drains our energy, but it also keeps us engaged and ready for whatever the future brings! All anxiety is imagined by the brain, so we can choose to let it go and focus on the present.

Dealing with anxiety is easy! All you have to do is return to the present, because that's where you can take action.

Let's dive back in and look at "judgment" again! We are used to evaluating a person or thing using our own values and standards. Having values means having judgments, and judgments are beliefs.

Judgment is a great thing! It gives us direction. But remember, judgment solidifies, and every fixation has a "limited belief." Fixation = solidified obsession, caused by limited perception.

Let go of your "fixations" and embrace fluidity in your life! Don't let them distort your relationships or destroy them. It's like those judgments you make about yourself: "I get angry easily," "I'm irritable and anxious." These are just labels you put on yourself.

The great thing about this is that you can remind yourself and perceive your feelings. The only slight hiccup is that once these judgments become fixed, it is easy to set self-imposed limits.

You can look at it from the timeline (this is how I was in the past, I have been through a lot, I have grown and changed myself), and the position line (this is how I evaluate myself, what do others think of me?). At the same time, you can distinguish between your actions (anger – directed at specific people and things) and your identity (I am who I am, don't deny yourself because of something).

This kind of judgment flows—and so do people's emotions! When we break out of limited thinking, it's amazing how relationships and the whole person change along with it.

I really hope the above is helpful to you! And I just want to say that I love you, the world, and I love you too! ?

If you want to continue the conversation, just click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I'd love to communicate and grow with you one-on-one!

Hello!

Host:

My name is Zeng Chen, and I'm a heart exploration coach. I've read your post and I can see how anxious you are.

I'm so impressed by how the poster has bravely expressed his distress and actively sought help. This is a great step forward for him! It will undoubtedly help him to better understand himself, which is the first step to adjusting and making his heart at peace.

Next, I'm thrilled to share my observations and thoughts in the post, which I'm confident will help you view yourself from a more diverse perspective.

1. It's amazing how often the more we resist, the more painful it is!

From the post, I can see that the poster has a lot of anxiety. She always thinks back to the little things in life, is very sensitive to other people's looks and words, is always worried about bad things happening, and is always afraid of annoying others. Because she gets angry so easily, her emotions make her feel very uncomfortable, and she can't calm her mind at all. I can understand these emotions of the poster, and we can work together to see what we can do for ourselves.

Often, when faced with emotions, especially those that make them feel bad, many people will avoid them because they are anxious to get out of these uncomfortable emotions, so they want to get out of them quickly. But there is a magical point in the human brain: the more you think about doing something, the worse you get at it.

For example, people who have trouble sleeping will find it harder and harder to fall asleep the more they try. But here's the cool part: doing something else unrelated may make them drowsy all of a sudden!

For example, in the experiment with the little red elephant, the more you try not to think about the little red elephant, the more images of the little red elephant you get in your mind. So, often the reason we are in pain is because we are fighting against our emotions, but the more we fight, the more painful it may become. But here's the good news! You can choose to stop fighting and start feeling better!

2. Embrace your emotions and give them a little time and attention.

Mr. Li Songwei once had a visitor who came to him because she couldn't sleep and wanted him to give her some advice to help her fall asleep faster. But Mr. Li told her not to sleep! The visitor was very surprised. "I told you to let me fall asleep faster, but you told me not to sleep!"

So the teacher said, "You've been trying to sleep, you're feeling nervous, and you know what that means? It means you've got the chance to work out why it's been so hard to sleep!

And that's what the visitor did. When she couldn't sleep, she got up and did some work. She might not have felt very energetic the next day, but she was still able to work at night and take a little break during the day. In the evening, when she wanted to work again, she found that she wanted to sleep.

So the original poster may only be able to try to accept their emotions and stay with them for a while, which is a great place to start!

It's time to find out what our emotions are trying to tell us! They are often carrying a message, and it's up to us to decode it.

When we receive this information, our emotions often ease. So let's imagine what our emotions would say if they could express themselves and have a conversation with them!

3. Try some small exercises to relieve emotions — you'll be amazed at how they work!

While some emotions come with information, others are spontaneous and beyond our control. But that doesn't mean we're helpless! We can take charge and choose how to respond.

For example, we can try to notice our emotions when we are in the middle of a thoughtless train of thought. We can try to interrupt ourselves, and it's a great idea to do so!

Focus on the present! When you're thinking about something, you can take up a hobby or write in a notebook to distract yourself.

And there's more! We can also use breathing to relieve our emotions and focus our attention on it.

Ready to relax? First, breathe in slowly until you can't take any more. Then hold your breath for a few seconds and exhale slowly through your mouth.

And guess what? After just a few minutes, our emotions will subside! The important thing is to focus on the present moment after we have let our mind wander.

Distract yourself again and bring your attention back to the present!

4. Learn to use rational thinking!

In the post, the host mentioned that we should always worry about bad things happening. Well, guess what? We can also use rational thinking to prove it!

We can't control our thoughts, but we can verify them! We worry all the time, but guess what? It hasn't happened, and there's no evidence that it will happen.

So, this is just our idea, and it's a great one!

And guess what? Our thoughts are just thoughts. They're not necessarily facts. When we use rational thinking to verify, our emotions are often better.

I really hope these will be of some help and inspiration to you! If you have any questions, you can try clicking on "Find a trainer" so that we can work together to overcome any problems.

Hello there!

Pat your head, sweetheart.

You can feel at ease and go do what you want to do without worrying or caring too much about the stares or comments of others. The reason for the anxiety you feel inside is not something brought to us by the outside world. It's just that we are unable to relax ourselves, and our processing of external information and cognitive adjustment are sometimes prone to deviation.

It's okay if you're feeling anxious. We all do from time to time. But is it real or just your mind playing tricks on you?

It's true that most people are sensitive, but they're also pretty good at processing external information. They adjust their self-perception quickly, which helps them stay emotionally balanced. But there are some people who, for whatever reason, can't adjust that internal-external perception gap for a while. When that happens, it can lead to cognitive discrepancies and, in turn, make them feel more sensitive.

The second year of high school is a time of strong youthful energy. It's totally normal to feel a bit on guard and unsure of what to do. This is often because of a lack of attention and love received in the original family. For example, a child who is always ignored by her parents may show fear and unease towards the outside world due to the lack of support and care. This is common in children who are the second child in the family.

How can you find a way to calm yourself down?

It's so important to be aware of our inner emotions.

Let's say someone decides to go fishing but forgets their fishing rod. It's hard to imagine them coming back a winner, isn't it? Well, perception is like a fishing rod that can "catch" our emotions. When I feel uncomfortable, I find a space where I can calm down. For example, I'll go to the corridor on the floor, open the window, take a short look at the green natural scenery, relax my eyes, empty my mind, and perceive the emotions at that time. I usually feel fear and fear. I try to ask myself gently, assuming that's true, "Will the consequences really be serious?"

If you fall off a stool, at most you've given someone a "free show," and you're being generous by not charging for it. There's absolutely nothing to be "ashamed" of! The most important thing is that "I'll be fine."

Second, let's try to adjust any perceptions that might be a little unreasonable.

This part can be a bit tricky at first, because everyone has a fixed way of thinking. For example, if he does this, he is hurting me; if he uses that kind of vocabulary to talk to me, he is denying me... We must know that these unwritten rules come from our internal expectations and desires to be seen and understood. In fact, other people don't know how their actions affect others; they are just subconscious behaviors and habitual ways of expression.

So, we've learned from experience that other people are only responsible for their own words and deeds, not for others. We can take a step back from the close connection between our thinking and other people's actions and observe things from a distance, just as we would observe a building, only looking at the details. We can't see the whole picture, and that can sometimes lead to misunderstandings.

And finally, it's so important to establish an inner sense of security.

If we can't build up our self-confidence from our original family, we can still do it after we become adults! We can work on improving our perception ability, feeling our inner sense of security, and understanding that our sensitivity comes from our lack of security. We can slowly build up our inner self-confidence and sense of security through self-care and doing good things through our own efforts, while at the same time trying to establish a sense of trust with others, slowly broadening the scope of our sense of security. Then our inner sensitivity won't be magnified and triggered from time to time.

Come on, my friend!

Hello!

From what you have described, it seems that anxiety about trivial matters in life has affected your normal life and made you emotional. It might be helpful to consider ways of giving yourself a boost of energy!

It may be helpful to consider that the repetition of similar feelings indicates that you are maintaining a fixed mode of operation, which was likely formed from experiences in early childhood. When similar situations arise, those familiar feelings are instantly activated, triggering the familiar mode of operation.

For instance, I recall an occasion when I fell off a stool in class. This incident led me to become anxious every time I sat on a stool, worrying that something unfortunate might occur. In psychology, there is a concept known as the "emotion ABC theory." This suggests that the fluctuations in our emotions are not solely determined by the event itself, but also by our attitude towards it.

If you perceive it as something negative that will occur, you may experience feelings of depression and anxiety. Conversely, if you view it as an isolated incident, you may experience feelings of acceptance.

It is possible that small things in life could potentially trigger your automatic catastrophic thinking, which might then make you feel bad and anxious. If this experience is repeated many times, it may be that it will be internalized and become a common mode of thinking in the future.

It may be helpful to consider that the core belief behind catastrophic thinking is "I am bad" and "I am not worthy of love." This can manifest as worry about one's ability to do a good job or doubt about deserving to get what one wants. It's also possible that one may be sensitive to other people's looks and words, experiencing worry about potential negative outcomes or concern about offending others.

One possible way to resolve anxiety might be to consider your own operating model, identify the underlying needs that contribute to the anxiety, examine any beliefs that may be holding you back, and explore potential solutions.

I hope that by sharing my experience, I can help you in some way. Wishing you well!