How to change habitual avoidance behaviors and break free from the influence of one's original family?

Hello, young lady.

From what you have shared, it seems that you experienced verbal violence, verbal attacks, and emotionally indifferent treatment at home, particularly from your father. This must have caused you a great deal of pain and discomfort, and made you feel helpless. I can empathise with how you must have felt growing up in such an environment. It is understandable that you may have cried alone before. I want you to know that I am here for you.

If you have experienced any form of mistreatment, including verbal abuse, during your formative years, it can have a significant impact on your self-esteem and confidence. It can also make you more sensitive and prone to feelings of inadequacy.

It is natural for us all to want to be recognized and cared for by others, especially by our closest family members. This can play an important and positive role in our growth, self-awareness, and sense of worth.

Because your father often gave you unsettling thoughts, treated you in ways that were hurtful, rejected you, and crossed your boundaries by disregarding your feelings and treating you roughly...

It can lead to feelings of depression at home, a tendency to be easily affected emotionally, and even the possibility of slowly becoming like your father, which is something you may not want to be.

My dear girl, please don't be sad. Let me give you a hug to help you feel stronger.

It is true that we really have no choice about our own family of origin and parents. It is also challenging to change our upbringing environment because it is difficult to do everything that our hearts desire without pain and entanglement.

If we find ourselves in a situation where we feel trapped in a pattern that causes us pain, it's important to recognize that this can lead to a cycle of negative behavior. Constant negative thoughts and actions can eventually deplete our energy and hinder our growth. It's essential to ask ourselves: What is the value in this for my personal development and overall well-being?

You have the opportunity to make your own choices and create positive change. It's important not to get stuck in a cycle of self-pity. You are young and have already reached an important stage in your life. You have the capacity to be independent and make your own choices.

If it is something you feel you can manage, you might like to consider working outside, leaving your original family environment, and trying to live independently. This would also give you the chance to exercise your social skills and self-care abilities.

It would be beneficial to enhance your independence and self-confidence, which will help you become more self-assured and less likely to be defeated.

The years of youth are full of infinite possibilities, so it is important to make the most of them. Many girls love beauty, and if you know how to enrich yourself and realize your own value, you will exude a unique beauty that comes from confidence.

It would be beneficial to learn to dress appropriately, wear light makeup, and pay attention to our words, actions, and qualities, so that we can live a more refined life. We will naturally become beautiful from the inside out, and learn to appreciate and encourage ourselves.

It would be beneficial to learn how to judge others' opinions for ourselves and not be influenced by them. It might be helpful to establish our own system of self-knowledge and not let others define our lives. It could be valuable to define ourselves as who we are.

It would be beneficial to keep learning throughout our lives. It's important to remember that the present does not represent the future. Believing in yourself is crucial, even if you feel you're not currently as strong or independent as you'd like to be. With the determination and dedication of an Olympic athlete, you can dream big, inspire and challenge yourself, and overcome any obstacles you may face. Embrace your strengths and embrace love.

I believe in you! You have so much to offer.

Hello.

The original poster feels restricted in their family of origin. They believe that if they could change their environment, they would be the perfect version of themselves. This applies to their lives, studies, personalities, hobbies, relationships, and more. This is a combination of our expectations of perfection and our expectations of our parents and relatives for perfection in their family of origin.

At the same time, it is also a kind of helplessness about our current self-state and our own family of origin and parents. We are unable to accept ourselves and all of this. Our own family of origin and the environment in which we live make us feel very depressed and painful.

Yes, you've grown up and have your own thoughts and perceptions, standards for dealing with things, and father. He'll still instill ideas in you that make you feel bad. But you're also the people closest to him, so you may have to see each other every day and interact with each other from time to time. This makes pain and suffering feel like shadows you can't escape.

From now on, you can tell yourself that all these expressions belong to his personal ideology, and you don't have to hold them. This is part of your father's personal ideology. We can find common ground while reserving differences in terms of ideology and behavior. Since communication is impossible, it is also a good choice to keep your opinions to yourself.

You are an adult now. You are fully capable of protecting and defending yourself. Make it clear at school and at home that you disapprove of inappropriate behavior, including that of your parents and relatives, and defend yourself.

We can and should defend ourselves against the daily contact that cannot be avoided and the days spent at home with our parents. We can and should defend ourselves against their evaluations of us, their criticisms, and their dislike. We can and should defend ourselves against all other unfriendly verbal attacks.

We can express our needs and thoughts firmly but politely. We can express our opinions and feelings without letting our emotions get the better of us. We can point out some of the views and labeling behaviors expressed by our parents that we cannot agree with. We can express our attitude firmly but politely.

As you said yourself, we may express ourselves, but we may not necessarily get the results we want, and we may not necessarily achieve our own requirements and expectations. But at least we can truly be ourselves, we can be uninhibited, and in this way, we will not feel so painful and helpless in the family environment. And this gentle but firm expression, without hostility or emotional attacks or confrontations, using this effective way of communication, can not only allow parents to understand our true selves, but also allow us to appropriately defend and protect ourselves.

Expressing yourself is a form of seeing, allowing, and accepting. You are seen, allowed, affirmed, and accepted by yourself, and you have the strength of self.

We must understand and accept the limitations and immutability of the environment and others. We can change ourselves and use our own strength to influence others and the environment.

Hi there, landlord! I just wanted to give you a big hug after reading your message. I have two deep feelings after reading it.

First, it can feel really lonely and like you don't have a safe place to belong. It's hard to get the warm support of your parents when you need it most.

Secondly, when you feel inside that you are 'bad' and 'not good', it's easy to vent your emotions in a destructive way. This can lead to a vicious cycle where you bring yourself the burden of anxiety and guilt.

I really hope this answer will be helpful to you!

I really get it. When we're with our loved ones, we're expecting love. It's like a hungry child waiting for a warm breast milk. It's something we need, and it's natural.

Because that is our "roots," our most primitive need to stand in this world. Okay, but if we can't get warmth and love from our parents, what can we do to help ourselves?

The respondent's view on this is: acceptance → healing (inner wounds) → developing the ability to love → clearing the inner being → living a greater love.

This is a path that we can more easily see on the journey of spiritual growth, and it is a path that leads to freedom and redemption.

From my experience in psychological counseling, I've learned that everyone has some of those hidden parts from their original family.

In psychoanalysis, I think the question of what kind of motivation can give you powerful and positive support might be really helpful for the respondent.

If some of it doesn't come from family love, then where does it come from? Is it friendship, love, or self-love?

Sometimes it might feel like it's taking a while, but it's totally worth it! You'll find a way to find redemption and relief.

You can even learn some simple psychology on your own! It'll help you understand your own emotions, moods, and behaviors. Plus, it'll show you that even though your family of origin has caused you harm, there are still parts of it that can give you hope.

So, no matter what method you choose, whether it's self-study, talking it out, or finding a professional counselor to help you, you can still get rid of some of the negative emotional imprints from your family of origin. You've got this!

How to properly release emotions is a pretty big part of our whole life journey.

Every day, we all need to feel secure and belong. According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, the 'physiological and safety needs' must be met first, which means eating, drinking, going to the bathroom, sleeping, and having a stable environment and emotions. This forms the foundation for our continued upward development.

In these two areas, it's really important that we focus on making sure we can understand and deal with negative emotions in a healthy way. Once we've got that down, we'll feel more in control of ourselves and less lost and out of control.

How, you ask?

We all know how good it feels to get our bodies moving and our minds relaxed with a little bit of exercise. It's a great way to feel more comfortable in our own skin and to give our health a boost!

For instance, try doing some aerobic exercise three times a week for at least 30 minutes.

2. When you're feeling mentally suffocated or depressed, it's so important to find friends who can help you. Cultivate your own close friends, and don't be afraid to let your inner feelings flow!

3. Read more and learn more about different fields of knowledge. There are so many benefits to interdisciplinary studies! Not only do they make you more knowledgeable, but they also help us to understand the vastness of the world and our own insignificance. This can really help us to help ourselves emotionally.

I really hope my advice can help you in some way. I love you all so much, and I just want to say that I care about you. Take care of yourselves!

Hello! I'm happy to discuss your family of origin with you.

I want to give the questioner a hug. Growing up in an original family made the questioner miserable. It feels like the questioner was treated differently and not taken seriously. Is it related to the father's remarriage?

The original family has had a bad influence on you. You have been able to grow up healthy until now. It must be very difficult to get rid of the influence of the original family, right?

Many books say that our character depends on how we are raised. Our parents and their treatment of us has the biggest impact on our character.

If you were abused as a child, you'll be more likely to abuse others as an adult. So if you always feel inferior, examine yourself to find out why.

What caused your inferiority complex? Have you ever felt superior? Think about what made you feel that way.

The questioner was ignored and treated as inferior by his father. It may have been that the father was trying to please others by attacking the questioner. The questioner must have had a hard time.

Since there's no one to support the questioner, he may have a tendency to escape, which makes him feel bad.

How can we get rid of the influence of our original family? Since the question was asked on a platform, I can only give the questioner some suggestions.

Understand how your parents treat you.

Why does the father treat the questioner like this? Why doesn't he pay attention to the questioner?

Why did he do it? What was more important to him?

What impact did he have on the questioner? Maybe it's because of the times. Maybe your parents' generation had a hard time just surviving and didn't have time to care about love.

What is family?

If the OP's parents were also mistreated as children, they may have brought that trauma into their own family and repeated the same mistakes.

There are no perfect parents or families. Parents may have had bad experiences in their childhood, which makes it hard for them to think clearly. This is due to the limitations of life and the subtle influence.

You don't have to forgive your parents right away. You can choose not to. Some hurts are lifelong and can't be fixed.

It depends on the situation. You can understand but not forgive. You can decide to forgive when you're ready.

Express your pain and share it.

If you can accept this, you can write about it. You can share it online, with your family or a counsellor.

If you don't feel like talking to others, you can also talk to pets, plants, or dolls. I still recommend that the questioner seek professional psychological counseling. You can also find someone to share your emotions with on the Yi Xinli platform. Pouring out your heart can help you release negative emotions from your childhood.

When facing your father, express your emotions. The questioner has not been encouraged or cared for since childhood. They have always lived in negative emotions. So, if they have any emotions that do not hurt their family, they can express them.

No matter how your parents respond, express your opinion.

Learn to deal with your emotions.

If you feel like doing something, think about what it is.

Is this good for me? Will it hurt my family?

Do something you like to get rid of negative emotions without hurting anyone. If you have time, exercise. It will make you feel good.

If you get emotional, take a deep breath, count to 10, and then see what to do.

Accept yourself.

The questioner is influenced by their original family and doesn't know their own value. They should find something they like and do their best at it. Do more things you like, accept your original family's personality, and do things to please yourself when you're in a low mood.

Make yourself happy, and eat something sweet. Sweets make you happy. It's important to be happy without hurting others.

Don't let negative emotions take over.

I hope this helps!

Hello, question asker!

I'm here to support you and understand your experiences. I'm also feeling a bit distressed, though. People have all kinds of ways of dealing with problems, but they often just want to fulfill small wishes. For example, they want to be able to sit at home playing games and watching TV without being blamed. They also want to maintain their own boundaries without being invaded. And they want to ask for comfort and protection when they make a mistake. They want to have someone stand by their side, rather than joining others in blaming them.

I really hope that when I find someone I like, I can treat them with the utmost tenderness and cherish and protect them. I don't want to make them experience all the things I've been through again.

I think it's safe to say that we all want love, want to love, and even more want support and affirmation. We'd much rather avoid experiencing these feelings of sadness, pain, and even self-blame and disappointment again and again. We always want to be appreciated, whether it comes from ourselves or others.

Before I answer your question, I'd love for you to answer a few questions first.

I'd love to know what it means to you to become a super-awesome person!

— It's totally normal to feel like you'll never succeed, no matter what you do. I'd love to know more about how you developed these thoughts and how they affect you.

— You want to overcome your inferiority complex, but you are suffering from a lack of action. I'm here to help! What is preventing you from taking action?

——I'm really interested to know how facing your parents' unreasonable accusations and evaluations affects your self-evaluation.

From what you've told me, I can see that you're facing a tough situation.

However, having a clear understanding of what we can do and what we want to do might be able to help us a lot!

When we can choose the relationships and activities that make us happy at school and in life, it's easier to keep our positive feelings about ourselves when we face difficult situations. Maybe you're not avoiding anything, you're just choosing to face things differently.

1. Let's explore some more flexible ways of coping with stress together!

At different points in our lives, self-illusion can be a great source of comfort, help us set goals, or give us a sense of security. When we can make the illusion more closely match our reality, we feel better about ourselves.

When you imagine leaving school, you might become very good at it, but it's just an attempt to protect our fragile self-esteem from threats and make ourselves feel better. And when we face people and things that threaten our good feelings, learning a more adaptive response model allows us to maintain other functions while flexibly repairing our positive experiences.

And when we lack these helpful patterns, we become more vulnerable and our other functions and relationships can be endangered. So exploring more suitable and flexible ways of dealing with stress can help us adapt to our environment in a positive way.

2. Learn to appreciate yourself!

Appreciating yourself is all about having good self-esteem.

Self-esteem regulation is a wonderful ability that allows you to gradually find yourself again after disappointment or rejection. It is also an important condition for people to be able to cope with the world. Anything that can endanger a person's positive feeling about themselves is a threat to self-esteem, so it's important to look out for yourself!

It's totally normal to feel your self-esteem take a hit when you're faced with some pretty unfair comments or accusations from your parents. It's tough to break free from the dependence on your parents and physically separate from them while you're still a student, so it might be a good idea to learn to appreciate yourself.

When we're ready, we can gradually start to spread our wings and create a new family that's a better fit for us.

3. It's so important to learn to set boundaries and stick to them when they're violated.

It's totally normal to feel a bit squashed when our parents casually enter our rooms and move our things around. It can feel like our boundaries have been violated. When we encounter boundary violations, it's really helpful to have a chat with our parents about what we need and what we can manage.

4. Reshaping family relationships

Let me explain the concept of family in the East and the West.

In the West, parents stop providing financial support and no longer bear the burden of their children's lives after the age of 18. It's a bittersweet time for everyone! Children also move out after the age of 18. In many families, the nuclear family lives together, and the boundary between the two generations is very clear.

In the East, it's a more collectivist culture. It's a difference in culture that's in our blood! Our families are more inclined to support each other across generations. They're also more likely to have extended families. With different core family organization methods, family boundaries are definitely different.

In Eastern societies, when the parents control the whole family, it can sometimes mean that we have to give up some of our rights and interests in order to gain the strength of the family.

In Western society, while people often have a lot of freedom and autonomy in their families, they may not always feel as supported as they would like.

I just want to make sure you're thinking about this in the way that's right for you.

– How would you like your family members to treat you? We all want to be treated with love and respect, don't we? So, what are the factors that prevent this from happening?

It's so important for us to learn to make demands and to behave in an adult manner with our parents.

It's so important to infuse adult behavior patterns into every aspect of life. This includes taking responsibility for your actions and emotions. It also includes taking responsibility for taking care of yourself. When parents can unload the responsibility of taking care of you, they will slowly realize that you are no longer the little child who needs to be taken care of.

They'll slowly realize that you've grown up. When we have those mature abilities as an adult, the people around us will realize that you're a mature person and an adult.

You can be treated like an adult, and very often, our parents will start to change when we change ourselves.

I really hope these tips will give you a little more inspiration and help you find a way to cope that suits you and allows you to face life more calmly.

Questioner:

Hello! I'm happy to meet you on Yixinli. Meeting is fate.

I understand how you feel. Your father is disrespectful to you. He swears and rummages through your things.

You're confused and distressed. You don't know how to handle your relationship with your father. You want to escape from your family and break free from its influence.

You are 20 years old and an adult who can choose your own life. But you are still a child at heart. You think about leaving your family of origin. Even if you do, your family will still influence you. They will affect your whole life. You will realize that your parents have shaped your character, values, and relationships.

A child's only contacts are their parents, who influence their child's character and outlook. This is true except for those with a spiritual nature.

The best way to escape one's family of origin is to distance oneself from it in one's heart.

Self-reliance

Twenty years old is a great age to learn skills. It's also the best time to find a job. Without a degree, it's hard to find a good job.

I don't know why you hate school. Maybe it's because you don't get along with your teachers or classmates, or because you don't do well in school. But for you, who doesn't have the money, working part-time while going to school is easy. It's also the first step towards self-reliance.

Be self-reliant.

Self-reliance means being confident in yourself and your abilities. Everyone has value, and you should believe that you are valuable too.

You need self-confidence and your own opinions.

In life, stick to a routine: get up and go to bed at the same time every day, do things at set times, and finish one thing and start another. Learn to take care of yourself. Stick to this for a month or two, and you'll feel less lost and more empowered.

Let go of your sadness and anger.

Take some time to calm down and make a list. This will help you release pent-up emotions. Long-suppressed emotions can hurt you and others and affect your health.

This list includes ways you were treated as a child that hurt you or made you furious. You can recall them to help you release your emotions.

Some people think emotions are bad and should be hidden. This is wrong. There is no such thing as good or bad emotions. Sadness means hoping to feel better, while anger means hoping to feel fair, respected, and loved.

If you can, hit something to let it out.

Or you can express your anger by tearing up paper, or you can share your sadness with a friend. All of these are ways to let off steam.

Learn to separate issues.

This is important. Adler said that you need to distinguish between his matters and your matters, and his emotions and your emotions.

Your father hurt you. It's not your problem; it's his.

To heal yourself, you must face your past problems. Understand yourself to heal. This takes courage.

Be your own inner parent.

The inner parent is a term from psychology. It means there is an invisible inner child and an inner parent within each of us.

Your parents can't give you what you want. You'll be disappointed and then despair. You'll realize they can't change. So you should learn to satisfy your expectations.

You have to grow up on your own.

This is the text I've shared with you. It's for reference only. Ignore the parts you don't like.

I hope you'll escape your family soon! Ixinyi and I are your friends.

The biggest problem is knowing and doing are two different things.

Luo Xiang

You're at the best point in your life. Do you hate your family, school, or yourself?

Your family's influence is strong, but it doesn't define you. You can't change the past, but you can shape your future.

You can still resent your family, school, and classmates. You can set obstacles for yourself and look back at your unhappy past.

You have to take action to improve yourself. Relying on others is a dead end.

You can save yourself. When you take that step, you will become the light.

When you are strong, your life will be in your hands. Look at your heart: do you want to work hard, or run away? Only when you hear your heart will you take the right step.

Confidence is the best way to beat inferiority. Look at yourself, your strengths, weaknesses, goals, and how you'll achieve them.

Be confident in your strengths to face your biggest fears.

It's hard to change your family, but you can avoid repeating their mistakes and help your loved ones do the same.

Life is confusing. In the face of darkness, don't rush into chaos. Find your true self and become him by thinking about the light in your heart.

Becoming a good person is not easy. Don't set an unattainable goal. Keep going, and you will become the real you.

Good morning, question asker. Let us now hear from Big Brother Da Tou.

⭕️ Evaluate the impact of the original family, recognizing both its advantages and disadvantages. Avoid generalization.

I believe that many people place undue emphasis on the negative impact of the original family. When things don't go well, they often attribute it to the original family. While the original family can indeed cause a lot of harm that becomes apparent only after adulthood, we cannot attribute all our misfortunes and lack of effort to it and regard this as the main reason for our lack of success. This is also unfair and impractical. The original family brought a lot of good things along with the bad things, so we must analyze the situation rationally and not look at the problem from a partial perspective.

⭕️ Confidence is derived from tangible outcomes, not merely verbal assertions.

It is often the case that individuals express dislike for certain circumstances or situations, yet when asked about their preferences and what would suit them, they are unable to articulate a clear answer. This indicates a lack of clarity and direction, which can be attributed to a lack of clear goals. In some instances, the reason for expressing dislike may be due to an inability to handle the circumstances, which leads to avoidance.

Empty talk is detrimental to the country and to oneself. Therefore, while you express discontent with school, you must determine whether your dislike is genuine or merely a means of avoiding the inevitable. If you are dissatisfied with your current circumstances, what are your alternatives? What are your options? What results can you realistically achieve? Regardless of how much you discuss your situation, if you do not take action and fail to achieve results, you are merely wasting your youth.

⭕️ It would be beneficial to learn to communicate calmly, which may result in a gradual improvement in your relationship with your father.

If both parties adopt an adversarial stance and engage in mutual criticism, the situation will inevitably deteriorate. Therefore, when one is unable to maintain an independent position outside the family, it is crucial to strive for a more harmonious atmosphere within the family. This entails learning to communicate calmly with one's parents and articulating one's views in a clear and systematic manner. When family members are able to interact in a peaceful environment, it facilitates the resolution of issues in a constructive manner.

Should you encounter any issues, please do not hesitate to contact me.

If you make a habit of avoiding overnight experiences just once or twice, you might develop an "avoidance habit." This could eventually lead to you forming an avoidant attachment or an avoidant personality trait, which can be associated with many things.

For instance, it's actually pretty common for ski jumpers to make mistakes and flip over. Many ski jumpers have experienced the pain and embarrassment of losing their balance on the way down from a great height, or of failing to make a turn during a corner and falling to the ground.

If they choose to be afraid and never try skiing again after falling, this experience will stay with them overnight and continue to affect their character through nightmares. You've already identified your avoidance behavior as a habit, and if you want to change it, you have to face your fears head-on.

A good skier will quickly try again after a fall, so they can remember what they did right. They don't dwell on failure and fear. Your family of origin has already caused you too much pain.

You're already 20, but inside you still have a lot of inferiority, a lot of worries, and avoidance. You're still worried about your appearance, and your parents are still blaming and scolding you because they don't know what kind of impact this will have on your self-confidence.

Your parents don't respect your privacy, which makes you feel incomplete. A complete person is respected and independent. You're not fully mature yet, and you still need to study hard. I recommend that you seek psychological counseling in time to allow yourself to break through your limits and reflect on the information you receive in life. Not all information is correct, so hang in there.

ZQ?

Hello? Question owner, after reading your description, I feel your helplessness. Let me give you a warm hug first.

1.

You're 20 years old and not a fan of school. What's not to like? Is it the pressure of studying or the feeling that the school is too lax and the quality of education is poor?

If you can't switch places, you might as well make the best of it! Worries? They're all temporary!

2.

You might be fine if you switch places. Just picture what a difference it would make. What would an ideal school look like?

Do you know what your strengths and weaknesses are? When you have a moment, you can read the book The Power of Self-Growth to get to know yourself better. When you accept yourself, you'll feel more confident!

3.

Family members are likely to say things to upset you, or they may not make you feel warm at home, but rather make you feel annoyed. It's not your fault if they say you're ugly. It's their fault if they say that!

It doesn't matter if they're ugly or beautiful, they love you unconditionally. That's what you want, and it gives you a sense of security!

4.

If you don't like your family, don't go home as much. This will help you to avoid internal conflict and allow you to spend more time on worthwhile things. When you become better at managing the situation, they will naturally look at you more favorably, and you will be able to let go of all the unpleasantness!

5.

If your boyfriend is good to you, treat him well and avoid taking out your anger on him from home. He's innocent. It's not easy to get along together, but it will last longer if you cherish each other!

6.

I also have opinions about family, but I had similar issues when I was a student. At the time, I had this idea of escaping and staying away from home. Try your best to study and focus on meaningful things. You'll see that the world isn't so bad, but you just need to shift your attention a little. Focus on beautiful things and appreciate the world. You'll find that the sky is blue and the sea is beautiful!

I wish you all the best. No matter what others do to you, you must learn to take care of yourself before you can improve yourself. Don't let their emotions affect you!

You are almost 20 years old. You are an adult and can make your own choices.

I always hated school and thought that if I went somewhere else, I would be successful. I feel like I will never succeed. This doesn't matter. We all have negative thoughts about ourselves. First, accept your negative thoughts. Then, accept yourself.

You can't choose your family, but you can choose your future.

It is not your fault that you did not receive your father's approval in your stepfamily. It is his way of expressing himself that he taught you. Your parents' way of dealing with the situation made you feel bad. Face these negative emotions and find a way to vent them.

Set small goals and take one step at a time.

You are almost 20 years old now, and want to leave home and start over. Set small goals for yourself, like studying, and make a plan. When you finish a goal, reward yourself. Build up your confidence, and combine fantasy with action. Give yourself time to go step by step.

At last, you can set sail at the start of your 20s and head for the future you want.

I can ascertain that you are experiencing significant difficulties.

You have indicated that you are nearly 20 years of age.

You have expressed a desire to make changes, but you lack the motivation and direction to do so.

Your experience at school does not meet your expectations.

Additionally, the family atmosphere does not foster a sense of acceptance.

You aspire to achieve greatness and recognition rapidly.

You exhibit signs of self-doubt and a lack of motivation.

From my perspective, it appears that you are constrained by your own statements.

Furthermore, you place a great deal of importance on the opinions of your family and your father in particular.

In that case, I would like to ask you a few questions.

Please identify your perceived strengths.

Please indicate whether you are dissatisfied with your academic experience, interpersonal relationships, or your studies.

Please describe your self-perception in the context of your father's comments about your appearance.

Has anyone else in your immediate circle ever offered you positive feedback?

Please describe the positive attributes you believe your friends perceive in you.

*Dad consistently issues disciplinary warnings without due consideration. Is this a matter that requires attention at the individual level, or is it a systemic issue?

Please describe your father's attitude towards the rest of the family.

Please describe the attitude of the rest of the family towards you.

Have any family members offered you recognition or appreciation?

There are four categories of knowledge about ourselves and others: 1. What we know about ourselves and others. 2. What we know about ourselves but others don't know. 3. What others know about us but we don't know. 4. What neither we nor others know.

It is not always the case that one person's opinion of us is comprehensive or accurate.

It is possible that your father's opinion of you does not accurately reflect your true self.

It is possible that he is simply biased and habitually belittles others.

In the event that an individual is consistently subjected to negative commentary, it is essential to seek out constructive feedback and emotional support.

It is important to recognize and appreciate the positive aspects of ourselves.

Identify your unique strengths and advantages.

And, over time, we can make ourselves better.

As a preliminary measure, it may be advisable to cultivate self-appreciation.

It is also important to distinguish between my father's views and my own.

I hope you find this information useful.

Good day.

I am pleased to be able to offer you some advice.

From your description, I can infer that your interactions with your father can be awkward, helpless, and depressing at times. In the opening paragraph, you express a strong dislike for school, a desire to be in a different situation, and a recognition of your feelings of inferiority.

Despite your best efforts to resolve the situation, you have been unable to take action, which has led to feelings of ineffectiveness and a lack of self-discipline. This has also made it challenging for you to identify and implement effective solutions, which has further contributed to a decline in your self-esteem.

After reviewing your initial comments and subsequent updates, I have identified a correlation between the two. I can comprehend the rationale you presented at the outset, given that your father would subdue and discredit you during your formative years. This has led to a profound sense of inadequacy, a belief that you are unworthy and incapable, and a tendency to accept input that is not aligned with your personal values.

You are reluctant to accept the other person's ideas and plans because you have your own ideas and plans. If you do not accept the other person's ideas and plans, he will blame you, which is an unacceptable outcome.

This inner conflict and fear settled in, causing you to become increasingly self-deprecating and leading to a build-up of emotions that would erupt at an uncertain time.

Firstly, it is evident that your father lacks a robust understanding of boundaries. As a man, he has been observed entering his daughter's bedroom without knocking and frequently interfering with her belongings. This has led to a sense of diminished respect and a lack of clarity regarding the established boundaries.

It is possible that in his world, he does not value spending time with his daughter. It is also possible that he is insensitive and does not care about small things. However, as women, we value our self-respect above all else. We cannot accept the other person just entering and exiting our room at will. Regardless of the relationship, men and women are different.

As a result, you have developed a strong aversion to your father's behavior. When coupled with his frequent assertions that you are unattractive and his tendency to blame you for various issues, it is understandable that you have developed a negative and resistant attitude towards him. Additionally, there have been instances where you have had positive interactions with your father, which you have found challenging to accept.

Indeed, in your case, you have experienced the pain of divorce in your own biological family, which has contributed to your desire to escape this environment. When faced with some of your father's inappropriate actions and behaviors, you are unsure of how to respond.

It is possible that your upbringing may have lacked some of the teachings typically provided by a mother to her daughter. This could have resulted in a lack of understanding of the nuances of the relationship between the two sexes, which may have led to a challenging visual impact and difficulty in accepting certain aspects.

In light of the above, we can leverage our current maturity to identify scientific literature and content on family and gender relations for further study. This approach allows us to supplement our understanding, even if we lack our biological mother's formal education, by drawing on alternative sources of knowledge.

In regard to your father's behavior, it is important to clearly communicate that men and women have different needs and that maintaining distance and boundaries is essential for both daughters and fathers. The other person may initially find this difficult to accept, but by consistently demonstrating respect for your personal needs, your life plan, and your right to be heard, the other person will eventually understand your perspective.

We respect our fathers because of their age and experience, but we do not rule out the possibility that they may engage in inappropriate behavior. Therefore, we must evaluate each situation on its own merits. If you encounter a situation that makes you uncomfortable, express it appropriately in order to solve some of the practical problems you encounter, so that you can help restore the relationship between your family members.

I wish you the best of success.

Should you wish to continue the dialogue, please click on the "Find a Coach" link located in the upper right-hand corner or bottom of the page. I will then be in touch via a one-to-one communication channel.

One Psychology Q&A Community, World, and I Love You: https://m.xinli001.com/qa

Hello, question asker!

Thanks for asking! I totally get it. First, I'll give you a warm hug.

The root of your problem mainly revolves around school and family, which is great because you can totally conquer these challenges!

(1) "I'm almost 20 years old this year. I always hated school and thought that if I went somewhere else, I would become a super-talented person. I feel that no matter what I do, I will never succeed, and no matter what I do, I will not be as successful as other people. I also have a very strong inferiority complex, and I try every means to overcome it, but every day I fantasize without taking any practical action, which makes me feel very uncomfortable."

1) You are still a student, but you hate school. You think that if you change places, you will become super great. You feel that you will never succeed, and you have extremely low self-esteem. You are stuck in fantasy and don't take any practical actions. But you can change this! You can become great! You can succeed! You just need to take practical actions.

Let's dive in and find out why you hate school! If you can't accept and identify with yourself, you'll keep running into problems and difficulties. So, ask yourself: why do you hate school so much? Dig deep and find out what's really going on. Then, you can solve the problem in a targeted manner and make a real change!

Once you realize your shortcomings and inadequacies, you must take action! Daydreaming and fantasizing are unrealistic. No matter how much progress you make, at least you have the attitude to make corrections. You can start with short-term goals, complete one, and then move on to the next. Slowly, you will develop good habits!

(2) "I come from a blended family, and my father always yells at me without thinking. He says I look ugly when I haven't done anything. If I make a mistake, my parents tell him right away, and it makes me feel so bad. My father always comes into my room and messes with my things. He doesn't listen when I tell him off. And he always puts ideas in my head that make me feel bad, and he doesn't really respect me." But guess what? I'm working on it!

(3) "I really feel bad at home when my father says things to me. I can't believe I said the most disgusting things to the person I love the most. I really want to escape from home. It's really super hard. I don't know what to do." But guess what? I'm going to make a change!

1. Reconstituted families do have more problems. But you're not alone! You've never been understood or respected, and you are constantly being criticized and scolded. The root of the problem is mainly with your father. He often scolds you, even when you haven't done anything, calling you ugly, messing with the things in your room, and constantly filling your head with uncomfortable thoughts. You have really been through a lot, and it's really not easy. But you're stronger than you know! Hugs!

2. You're ready to escape the disrespect and lack of love in your life. You want to isolate yourself physically, but you're still young, so leaving home right now is not realistic. You have two great options! You can live in a boarding school and go home as little as possible, or you can see if there are any relatives who can help. Maybe a little less contact will be better.

There's no better way to gain strength and independence than by moving out and living on your own as soon as you're able to. It's the perfect time to avoid conflicts and focus on building a great relationship with your parents. After all, you're still a child, and arguing with your parents is never a good idea. Communication is key, so make sure you speak up and share your thoughts as much as you can. It's always better than being on edge!

4. Use the present as a starting point to rewrite your life! Be brave and accept yourself. Recognize your needs and acknowledge your past. Break the spell of "I will always be this way" and strive to become the best version of yourself. This is the right way to get rid of the negative influence of your family of origin.

5. You can absolutely achieve your desired goals! All you have to do is want to change the status quo, take action, and persevere. Have strong confidence in yourself and overcome your own inertia. You've got this!

You can absolutely build self-confidence! Set goals and take action to regain your confidence.

I really hope my answer helps you! The world and I love you ♥

Hello! I just wanted to give you a warm hug from afar.

From what you've said, I can tell you feel really inferior and like you don't accept or like yourself. I can also tell you feel angry and longing for your parents to understand, respect and support you, especially when they don't.

If you have a lot of self-rejection and dislike because you don't have a good sense of self-worth, you'll either create a perfect self through fantasy because no one can exist in isolation. To avoid being rejected and hurt in relationships, you'll fantasize about a perfect self entering relationships in your imagination. You'll control the pace of such a relationship and won't be hurt in it. This is also a way of avoiding relationships.

The reason why your parents' actions make you feel uncomfortable and hurt is that you've never had the courage to express your feelings. They don't know that their actions hurt you. So, when they say or do things that make you feel uncomfortable and hurt, try to express your true feelings and how you'd like to be treated.

You can also keep a diary of your feelings at home. This can help you understand your emotions better, identify your needs and find ways to meet them.

I'm the little ear of the Q&A Museum. Lily World and I appreciate your support.