How to cope when you are too empathetic towards others' experiences, leading to your own poor quality of life?

I can understand why you might feel troubled. It seems that what bothers you is not kindness, but a sense of powerlessness.

Hello. It's a commendable quality to care about others. When you care about others, you may empathize with their pain, but it won't impede your daily life.

Perhaps what bothers you most is feeling helpless in the face of others' suffering.

I wonder if you've ever considered why, despite the numerous instances where the inner workings of the urban begging industry have been revealed, some individuals still choose to provide them with financial assistance.

It's a common feeling when we see someone in need and feel helpless. We may not always be aware of the full circumstances of those who beg, and it's understandable that we can't always investigate every detail. Many of us don't know the relief organizations that could help, so giving some money and moving on is often the most practical way to relieve our own psychological distress.

Some people have been known to say that they feel they are paying to buy peace of mind.

Some people are more willing to pay for peace of mind than others. However, it is important to remember that peace of mind is not something that can be bought with money.

I believe the key is that the money used to buy "peace of mind" must be your own. It may be helpful to remember that you cannot buy peace of mind by being generous with other people's money.

I would gently suggest that you try not to worry, and instead focus on earning money.

If going out to work for someone else isn't an option, perhaps you could consider working for your parents at home instead.

There is a certain satisfaction that comes with the knowledge that one has made a wise financial decision, even if it has involved some effort and hard work.

Hello!

You are a kind child who cares about your friends. Your friend lost her grandparents, and you worry about her a lot. This makes it hard for you to concentrate and causes anxiety.

Worrying about your friend is a sign you value them. There's nothing wrong with this. It's important to accept your feelings.

If you're worried about your friend, it'll take up your energy. You have to accept your emotions and believe that time will fade these feelings, which will relieve these emotions.

Be there for your friend. Show her you care. This will comfort her, help her feel less alone, and give her a chance to share her sadness. It will also help you feel better.

If you feel anxious or depressed, you can also take some distance from your friend. Bad emotions are contagious. You might be affected by your friend's low mood. You can also try to notice whether there are similar loss experiences in your own life.

If you want to help your friend, take care of yourself first. Then you can take care of your friend.

I hope Hongyu's reply helps. Thanks for asking!

Hello, questioner.

"I have a friend who has just lost her grandparents. I suddenly feel so sorry for her. It's so heartbreaking, and it's making it difficult for me to get on with my life. I can't stop thinking about her, and I'm having trouble concentrating and feeling anxious. Is there any way I can let go?" Many people have experienced this kind of psychological phenomenon, and it can manifest in different ways.

It is possible that this is related to everyone's experiences. Perhaps when the questioner was young, there was a temporary separation from a loved one. It is possible that the anxiety experienced during the separation was stored schematically in the brain, and in later experiences it was not handled or alleviated well (it was not assimilated), no new understanding was formed (it was not accommodated), and the relationship between separation and anxiety could not be balanced.

It is therefore possible that when we are faced with a similar situation in the future, we may experience a similar feeling of anxiety.

This kind of emotional impact is typically short-lived and not a significant cause for concern. However, if it persists for an extended period and begins to affect one's daily life and work, it might be helpful to pay attention to it. It could be beneficial to consciously adjust one's thinking, cognition, and behavior, and explore ways to form a new perception of separation in order to change the anxiety caused by separation.

(1) Thinking

As previously discussed, this is a repetitive traumatic experience that arises from the same situation. When this anxious feeling arises, it is important to recognize that our brain has entered a habitual and automatic thinking mode, which can trigger our inner sense of insecurity. We may experience feelings of fear that our loved ones will no longer return to us, that they will abandon us, and that we will be left alone and in pain after they leave.

(2) Consider comforting the child within.

At this time, it might be helpful to remind ourselves that we are not the helpless child we once were. We have the capacity to take care of ourselves. We can embrace ourselves and say, "Don't be afraid, I'm here for you." We all have a wounded child inside us, and we are that child's mother. Once we have soothed that child, we will no longer be anxious.

(3) It may be helpful to seek comfort from friends and express empathy.

It might be helpful to share your emotional experiences with friends and express your anxieties through words.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to try to do what you need to do and maintain your daily routine.

Studies have indicated that confronting unexpected circumstances and maintaining a regular routine can help to alleviate internal conflicts. It is always worthwhile to do one's best.

(4) Form new perceptions

Although death is a challenging topic, it is important to recognize that life and death are natural laws, just like day and night. We can only adapt to them and accept their existence. People are connected to everything, and things are conserved and will never disappear. They just manifest in different forms. When the conditions are right, they will appear; when they are not, they will not.

It might be helpful to view death as just another form of life. We may even feel that the deceased is still with us from time to time through their connection with objects from their lifetime.

If we think this way, we can cherish the memory of our departed loved ones and wish them well in the next world. You might find it helpful to read the book You Can Be Afraid of Death to gain a new understanding of death.

I hope this is helpful. Best regards!

Hello!

I'm happy for your friend to have a friend like you.

I feel sorry for you. You empathize too much and take others' pain as your own.

People with empathy are sensitive and kind. This trait helps you make friends and experience more joy and sorrow.

Why do you take other people's pain so seriously? There may be several reasons.

First, you set the bar high for yourself.

Do you think you have to help your friends when they're in trouble?

You think you can share the burden.

You're worried you'll be abandoned.

Do you think a good friend should share the pain? Otherwise, your friend will think you're not a good friend and will distance themselves from you.

These are two possibilities. You can also calm down and think about what you worry about or look forward to.

How do you handle a tough situation? I can give you a few tips.

First, accept that you can't do everything.

You can care about your friend and comfort them, but they have to move on. We can't live another person's life.

Your friend has lost their grandparents. This is something they will have to face. We can help them, but we cannot bear it for them.

Second, focus on yourself.

When a friend is sad, comfort them and let them know you care. Use meditation to help you focus on yourself.

Third, go with your friend.

When someone is sad, just be there for them. You can also encourage them to do things together to feel better, like listening to music, going for a walk, or reading a book.

I'm Haru Aoki. I love you.

Dear questioner, I love you!

I am so happy to have met you on Yixinli!

I'm so grateful to the questioner for taking the initiative to explore this topic! It's a great question: "What should I do if I feel so bad about other people's experiences that it affects my own life?" I've read the question carefully and I'm blown away by the questioner's anxiety/lacking-empathy-significantly-struggling-to-comprehend-others-feelings-what-should-be-done-7899.html" target="_blank">empathy!

Now, let's dive into why it has affected your life!

I've also thought about this topic and I'm excited to share my reflections and thoughts with you! I hope you find the answer you're looking for.

Let's dive right in and sort out the confusion!

Let's dive right in and sort out the confusion described by the questioner! We'll interpret and analyze it together.

A friend of mine has just lost his grandparents, and I feel so sorry for him! It's really heart-wrenching, but I'm so happy I can be there for him.

A friend of mine lost a relative (grandparents), and suddenly the questioner felt so distressed. This shows that the questioner has a strong ability to empathize and sympathize! It's amazing how we can feel so deeply for others. Although it happened to someone else, it is as if it happened to themselves. It can be described as feeling the same way.

I've found myself unable to live a normal life. I can't stop thinking about them, I can't concentrate, and I'm always anxious. Is there any way I can let go?

My mother always says that I am softhearted towards others and too hard on myself. What should I do? I want to live a normal life, and I know I can!

From this description, I can tell that the questioner has been thinking about Ta the whole time, which is equivalent to being immersed in a "thought/feeling" about Ta. As a result, he cannot concentrate and is always anxious. Is this what the questioner means by "not being able to live a normal life"?

Anxiety is a human emotional expression and response, and understanding the truth behind the fear of anxiety is the core of the problem. Let's explore together! What is the content of the questioner's worry/fear?

What about Ta's experience? Or perhaps it's death anxiety?

If you're friends, I'd highly recommend chatting with him about it! It's so important to understand your feelings and thoughts.

Moderate anxiety is a great motivator for making positive changes in our lives. But excessive anxiety that affects our quality of life? That deserves our attention!

In light of the situation described by the questioner and the known information provided, I encourage you to try to perceive and respond in this way:

[1] Embrace your current inner feelings, understand the circumstances, and discover the whole story!

Let's dive deep and explore this together! Ta's loved one has passed away. What do you think about this?

Do you think that seeing this experience of Ta's might also make me feel a bit distressed and uncomfortable? I'd love to know your thoughts on that!

Oh, the questioner! Do they feel distressed for Ta, or for themselves? Or is it because of what we think inside?

If this is what we feel and think inside, it triggers our emotional response and produces our sense of "heartache."

[2] Reflect on and become aware of this "feeling of heartache":

Now for the fun part! Think about and analyze the feelings of the questioner.

When you see someone suffering from the loss of a loved one, what do you think?

Absolutely! You should definitely share this suffering with Ta!

Do you think the pain is all about you?

And the best part is, you get to share the pain with Ta! It's not just Ta's pain, it's yours too!

And how is your own life affected?

Absolutely! Your efforts to change can directly reduce Ta's suffering.

Take some time to think about these questions and really reflect on your own feelings. Do you take the pain of others as your own?

Or could it be that a friend's experience or suffering has triggered the questioner's similar experience or suffering in the past?

(Perhaps the "pain of losing a loved one" triggered by Ta has triggered more of our past inner "pain"? The so-called "touching a sore spot" is similar to being "traumatized twice"? This is an exciting opportunity for an in-depth exploration of the "truth"!)

...

[3] It's time to explore the reasons for your bad life situation/being affected, gradually establish interpersonal boundaries, and establish a clear boundary of "love"!

I feel my friend's pain as she loses a loved one. As friends, we can guide her, but we can't help her directly. The good news is that she can help herself!

The good news is that we can all learn to embrace the so-called boundary: what is mine is mine, and what is yours is yours. Whether it is objects, money, or even pain, we should hold fast to this belief.

And in the questioner's heart, perhaps the boundaries are blurred, and the pain of others is taken as their own? Or is it that the "loss of a loved one" triggers our "death anxiety," perhaps because of similar experiences and feelings within us?

Absolutely! It's so important to have compassion, but we also need to be careful not to let love without boundaries become a scourge that devours both ourselves and others. I'm really interested to know if the questioner's "heartache for others" is like this, or if there's more to it.

[4] It's time to explore from a professional perspective! It's totally normal to feel bad about losing a loved one. But it's also important to recognize when you're feeling anxious. If you're still struggling to find the root of the problem, don't worry! You can always seek help from a professional psychological teacher to help you sort out the truth behind the anxiety. And remember, you're not alone! The mother said, "being softhearted towards others, but being too harsh on yourself." This can mean that you love yourself, but you could also benefit from learning to love yourself a little more.

Or...

[6] I've got two fantastic books on the ability to love oneself that I'm really excited to recommend! If you're interested, you should definitely check them out: "Meet the Unknown You" and "Other People's Lives Drain Your Beauty."

The above is a response that combines the questioner's question. It can be regarded as my personal opinion, and I'm so excited to see what others think! I really hope it will stimulate further discussion and lead to more thinking. I also hope to enlighten and help the questioner. I'd love to see more in-depth exchanges. I pray that the questioner will soon see the "truth" and return to an easy and happy state of life as soon as possible!

I am sunshine, the world, and I love you! ??

Hello, question asker. I can see that you're feeling confused. I'm here to support you.

I believe what you are experiencing now are some interpersonal problems. Please allow me to give you a warm hug again if you would like.

It seems that you have recently become very close to a friend who has just lost his grandparents. This has understandably caused distress and has already affected your daily life.

It's possible that some deep-seated memories may have been triggered.

For instance, the passing of your grandparents. It's possible that, at the time, you were not yet equipped to process the situation in the way you would have wished.

It is possible that the death of grandparents and other family members may have caused you some distress.

I would like to suggest to the questioner that, as long as it is psychological trauma, it would be beneficial to face and deal with it.

It might be helpful to remember that just because you were young at the time, it doesn't mean that the bad experience will disappear on its own or that it will go away.

If the experience was too painful for you to express at the time, it may have been buried in your subconscious.

It is possible that when you encounter the same people, things, or objects again, such as when your friends' grandparents die, the negative experience you had may resurface.

If this is the case, you might benefit from seeking the guidance of a professional counselor. It may be helpful for you to work with a counselor to formally process the experience of your grandparents' death, as it seems this is something you have not yet had the opportunity to address.

I wonder if the "law of attraction" in psychology might also be a factor.

Could you please clarify what is meant by the "law of attraction"?

It might be helpful to consider that when our thoughts are focused on a certain area, people, things, or objects related to this area may be attracted to it.

The above definition is from Baidu Baike.

If you find your mind returning to thoughts of your friend's grandparents passing away, you might try bringing your attention back to the present moment and focusing on your current tasks.

I truly hope that the issue you're facing can be resolved soon.

I'm afraid I can only think of these things at the moment.

I hope my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you. I am here to answer any questions you may have, and I study hard every day.

On behalf of Yixinli, I would like to extend my warmest regards and best wishes to you.