How to cope with being overly empathetic and overly saintly?

Hello, landlord! I really hope my answer can be of some help to you.

Absolutely! Everything in moderation is certainly better than excess.

I recently came across an article that I just had to share with you! It's all about how to manage empathy overload. I've put together all the key points, so read on to find out more!

Embrace this quality within you!

Empathy is a wonderful quality! It allows us to connect with others on a deep level and understand their emotions. Research has shown that people with active mirror neurons are generally more empathetic. This means that you have a natural ability to feel what others feel, which is something to be celebrated!

It doesn't matter if it's innate or acquired—it's a unique characteristic of yours!

If it is a personality trait, it has both negative and positive sides. So, you have to see the advantages it gives you!

The great news is that generally speaking, such people are kinder, have better interpersonal skills, are more likely to be in leadership positions, and are better at handling various relationships. So, consciously let it play to your advantage in your life, and the sense of accomplishment will offset the troubles it causes you.

Let me share with you three amazing perspectives for setting boundaries!

It's time to embrace your empathy! However, it's important to recognize that being overly empathetic can sometimes create a challenge when it comes to setting boundaries. When we get caught up in other people's thoughts or emotions, it's often because we've blurred the lines between ourselves and others.

Guarding boundaries is a great way to prevent too much empathy! This includes physical boundaries and psychological boundaries.

(1) Guard the body's boundaries with your life!

When you feel like you're about to fall into the trap of being too empathetic again, you can let your body leave that environment for a while. It's a great way to take a break! For example, we don't go into a slaughterhouse if we can't; when your friend is complaining to you and pouring out their grievances, and you feel like you're about to lose control, you can leave for a while and tell your friend, "Sorry, I need to go to the bathroom."

Or, you can make a deal with a friend to stop complaining: "Let's go eat something delicious in ten minutes, okay?"

Leaving that environment is a fantastic way to physically separate yourself from the situation. It allows you to take a step back and distance yourself from your thoughts and emotions, so you can move on from the experience and not keep dwelling on it.

If you're not face-to-face with the client, for example if you're talking on the phone, chatting on WeChat, or reading online information, then try moving around a little or smiling gently! You'll be amazed at how it can help you strengthen your sense of bodily boundaries.

When it comes to being too empathetic, you'll definitely think of counselors! They need a strong sense of empathy to help their clients solve problems.

So, how do they prevent themselves from getting too involved? Well, there are some simple little tricks that counselors often use – for example, at the end of a counseling session, before leaving the counseling room, stand up, close your eyes, empty yourself for a while, then open your eyes, jump a few times in place, shake your arms and legs, and shake your whole body!

These simple movements can help counselors unload everything that happened in the counseling room from their body, leaving it there and not taking it into their personal lives.

You might have other great methods up your sleeve, like washing your face or going outside for some fresh air. It's awesome if you can pay attention to the methods that work for you!

(2) Be sure to keep your psychological boundaries safe and secure!

The wonderful thing about empathy is that it actually has three dimensions! Psychologist Daniel Goleman has identified three different types: cognitive empathy, emotional empathy, and empathic concern.

Cognitive empathy is all about understanding what the other person is thinking. And emotional empathy is about feeling what the other person is feeling!

Empathic attention is all about genuinely caring about the other person!

No matter which direction it takes, we may go beyond the boundaries. For example, your colleague tells you that he/she is under a lot of stress, that he/she feels targeted by the boss, that there have been some recent events at home, and that he/she is particularly anxious, so he/she asks you to help.

So, be sure to listen from your perspective and offer help within your abilities. This way, you'll be able to offer the best possible support!

I'm excited to tell you about a very useful method called feedback listening. This is a great way to show that you are listening by repeating what the other person has said.

For example, you could say, "You are really under a lot of stress."

And remember, it's important to be careful not to unconsciously focus the conversation on yourself. For example, you might mention that you've had similar experiences or try to think of solutions particularly actively. This could draw you deeper and deeper into the situation, so be sure to keep an eye on that!

And now, let's dive into the third perspective on setting boundaries!

(3) Transform empathy into compassion!

Psychologists recommend consciously training yourself to withdraw into a state of empathy without becoming overly involved. It may seem a little cold-hearted, but it's a great way to protect yourself!

You can stay in your own perspective and look at other people's affairs, and then send out kind pity or compassion, without leaving your own perspective and running directly to other people's perspectives. After all, you don't need to bear what belongs to other people — you can simply send them your compassion instead!

Of course, all of this is only needed when you are feeling troubled. The ability to use empathy appropriately is actually a skill that we all need to cultivate. Let's encourage each other and wish each other well!