How to cope with fear of piercing gazes, fear of being attacked, pride, and a sense of defeat?

Hello. When you feel hostility and aggression from students at school, it may bring up memories of negative past experiences. You may feel the pain of being abandoned and rejected again, which could lead to feelings of tension and fear.

At the same time, you may also recognize that these feelings are accompanied by self-doubt and self-denial, as if you were attacking yourself. This could be a deeper and more lasting source of pain.

It is not uncommon for trauma to be associated with loss, whether that be of relationships, self-esteem, or a sense of meaning. In some cases, deep trauma can also bring about physical and psychological changes, such as effects on neurotransmitters.

These changes may influence our tendency to view ourselves and external affairs in a less positive light, as well as make us more susceptible to negative emotions. By recognizing this aspect, we can strive to extend a little more empathy towards ourselves.

It might be helpful to remind yourself that the frustration and fear you are feeling now is not a mistake, not a matter of ability, and it does not mean that it cannot be changed. It may be more a stress response to past experiences.

To improve this state, it may be helpful to consider facing and dealing with the traumas of the past in a way that allows them to be healed. Once this healing process has begun, it may be beneficial to gradually say goodbye to the past, construct a new order of life, and understand yourself. In this process, it can be beneficial to allow yourself various emotions such as pain, denial, self-blame, and powerlessness.

It may be helpful to approach these emotions with care and comfort, as you would a dear friend. For instance, you might consider connecting with your past self through writing and conversation, and reassuring yourself that you were hurt, but it wasn't your fault.

If you feel you would benefit from additional support in dealing with these emotions, you may wish to consider seeking the guidance of a counselor in a safe and supportive relationship.

I would also like to suggest that you believe in your resilience, which is the ability to adapt to change and recover from disasters and setbacks. Just as you have experienced those difficulties before, and although they still have an impact on you, you have continued to grow and become a teacher.

When you encounter a "difficult student," you don't immediately assume there's something wrong with you. You'll go to the homeroom teacher to learn more about the situation and confirm that this is a characteristic of the student and not directed at you. You'll also talk to her classmate, and although you may encounter resistance, you'll courageously fulfill your responsibilities as a teacher. If you reflect on it carefully, I'm sure you'll find more examples and evidence to show you the strength in yourself.

When we are able to accept past setbacks and losses, and are willing to recognize our own courage and inner strength even in the face of adversity, we create an opportunity for a fresh start. Additionally, our own internal approval can serve as a powerful driving force, even when we consider the comments and opinions of others.

Hi there,

After reading your description, I get where you're coming from.

First, you said you're a vocational school teacher with two years of experience. Given that you've only been teaching for two years after graduating four years ago, you don't have much teaching experience.

Vocational schools provide academic vocational education. They can be divided into elementary, secondary, and higher vocational schools. It's worth noting that vocational schools are divided into three stages: elementary, secondary, and higher. When we look at the primary and secondary groups from a life perspective, we see that there's a connection with the family environment. From a psychological perspective, we can say that people who go to these types of schools will rebel against everything to some extent.

Secondly, you mentioned in your description that you feel afraid of the camera, of sharp stares, and of aggressive sounds. For example, one of your students showed no interest in your class on purpose.

You act like you don't care, you're hostile, and you show that your class is terrible and no one listens. In fact, after talking to the homeroom teacher, she basically treats many teachers this way.

Her classmate is really afraid of the teacher. She lets the teacher walk all over her, and she's too afraid to speak up. Every time I try to talk to her privately, she says nothing and won't say anything.

Then the students in the class would speculate about whether I had said something that made them want to gang up on the teacher. I only speak my mind when I'm being punished.

"This is what you've gone through. It's clear you're very concerned about how your students interact with each other. It's more likely that you've had some new ideas about how to handle things, which is a great approach. You might also be feeling uncertain about yourself. It's natural to feel that way sometimes. You're doing a great job, and you don't need to prove anything to anyone."

This is why you're afraid: "of all sharp glances, of all aggressive sounds."

You also mentioned in your description that you're afraid of aggressive behavior, whether it's aggressive expressions, voices, or looks.

All of this makes me nervous. It always reminds me of the past, when I was rejected by one group after another.

Then you might start to wonder if you're not good enough or if you're not teaching well enough.

What you're saying doesn't sound right to me. I've thought about it a lot.

"Even when I hear other people chatting quietly, I feel like they're talking about me, and I wonder if they think I'm stupid too." You mention your past here, although I'm not sure what rejections you suffered in the past.

And this experience will put a kind of pressure on your life, so I want to mention it here. Being rejected by one group after another in the past is also a sign of a lack of self-confidence, and it has become a kind of mental illness for you.

Here are a few suggestions:

1. You need to work on your self-confidence. Regardless of who you are, you're making progress towards excellence, so self-confidence is important.

2. A lot of the changes that students go through these days are influenced by the fast pace of information and traditional education. You should be able to sense this too.

3. You can look to some of the teachers in "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" for inspiration when it comes to educational theory.

Just a heads-up: The above content is for reference only.

Hello, questioner.

I am Counselor Yao, a counselor with a power orientation.

From what you have said, it is clear that you are under a lot of pressure as a teacher, always feeling

You are under a lot of pressure, always feeling evaluated and attacked, which makes you panic, feel helpless, and frustrated, right?

From a dynamic perspective:

First, let me be clear: a person's fear of the camera, of sharp stares, and of being criticized or judged precisely reflects

The subconscious mind's overprotective defense is a subconscious reaction to a lack of inner security.

Second, excessive defense against the surrounding environment is a direct result of stress responses.

A person who has suffered a major trauma at an early age develops a fear of similar situations as a result of a stress response.

Third, there is a lack of self-esteem and a sense of not being worthy. This is likely due to an excess of critical education and blame in early growth experiences.

This has led to low self-esteem and a sense of worthlessness. As an adult, you remain on guard against your surroundings.

Let me explain further. During your early years, you were not accepted by your caretaker or yourself. You internalized this as being a victim. In adulthood, you project this unaccepted part of yourself onto your surroundings.

The unaccepted part is projected onto the surrounding environment.

Fourth, the emergency response brought on by social phobia:

When a person has suffered relationship damage during early childhood, they will develop excessive defenses against the social environment, which results in

You worry about social situations and the negative impact of other people's opinions on yourself.

Let's return to your body. You were abandoned and hurt by individuals and groups in your early years, which caused trauma and formed a knot. Now

As a teacher, you must be aware that whenever you encounter an aggressive student, the scenes of your early years of being hurt may be activated, causing

This is a stress response.

To overcome this distress, you must make the following adjustments and changes:

First, adjust your perception. When you have some bad thoughts in your head and feel like you've been hurt, challenge them.

It's difficult to ascertain the veracity of these ideas. Are they founded upon theoretical evidence or past experience?

Often, we overestimate the occurrence of catastrophic events. Even the brain amplifies.

Don't catastrophize!

Second, communicate openly with a student you trust. Ask them what they think and what their opinion of you is.

What is their status in your mind? When you take the initiative to get closer to them and chat with them, you'll see that those thoughts you think you have are just

These are just subjective assumptions and guesses.

Third, you should participate in more public welfare group activities, get in touch with more social groups, and make more like-minded friends.

You need friends with similar interests. Get to know yourself through other people.

Finally, if your finances allow, you should consider professional personal counseling to grow spiritually.

I will continue to support and follow you at Yixinli, no question.

Hello, I am a Heart Detective coach, Gu Daoxi Fengshou Slender Donkey.

I believe we all have a desire to be affirmed, and when we feel unwelcome, it can really awaken our inner unease. I understand the questioner's feelings very well, and I would like to offer the questioner a hug if I may.

The questioner mentioned that he has been at school for two years, but he's not sure exactly how long he's been in the same class as this student. During this time, has this student done anything else to embarrass the questioner, apart from acting in a way that makes the questioner feel uneasy in class?

If not, perhaps there is no need to worry too much. After all, we are not like RMB, and we cannot please everyone.

It might be helpful to consider whether there are any students who enjoy the questioner's class. By focusing on the ratio of those who like and dislike, the questioner may gain a more objective perspective on the class's overall appeal. If there are more people who don't enjoy it, it could be an indication that there might be room for improvement in the teaching methods. On the other hand, if there are more people who enjoy it, it might suggest that the questioner's personal feelings about the class are not necessarily representative of everyone's experience.

In "The Courage to Be Disliked," it says: "The inferiority complex that plagues us is not an 'objective fact' but a 'subjective interpretation.'" We cannot change the objective facts, but we can change the subjective interpretations at will. The questioner can understand it as others whispering that they are criticizing themselves, or they can understand it as others whispering that they are actually discussing the issue. The perspective is different, and the feelings may be different.

As Nonviolent Communication suggests, when faced with accusations and criticism, we have four potential avenues for response: first, we can acknowledge that we may have made a mistake; second, we can focus on understanding the other person's perspective; third, we can take the time to understand our own feelings and needs; and fourth, we can try to empathize with the feelings and needs of others. It might be helpful for the questioner to consider whether they could benefit from a different perspective, rather than doubting themselves.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the situation from a different perspective. It's possible that the teacher is leading you to the door, but that the rest is up to you. Have you ever wondered why some students seem to learn well in the same class, while others may display a different approach? If the teacher is not fully able to meet the needs of the students, it might be worth considering whether the school should continue employing them. You might like to try giving yourself some confidence, finishing first, and then aiming for perfection.

It might be helpful to consider that the student who is a thorn in the side at school may be experiencing a lack of attention or affection, or they may be seeking to assert their individuality. Attempting to comprehend the underlying motives behind a student's actions could potentially reveal a different explanation.

It might be helpful to try keeping an emotional diary to separate facts from feelings. The questioner also said that students are the only ones who dare to speak their minds when they are punished. Could these views be related to the questioner? Or could they be related to his own emotions?

It might be helpful for the questioner to try to understand the other person's true feelings in order to solve the problem more effectively.

It is often said that "trauma is not your fault, but recovery is your responsibility." When we were children, we may not have had the capacity to fight against our environment. However, as we grow up, we can try to embrace the vulnerable, inner child within us and remind ourselves that, as adults, we have the ability to care for our emotions and feelings, and to assert ourselves when necessary. By letting go of the past, we can find it easier to face the future.

You might find it helpful to read the following books: A Change of Heart, Nonviolent Communication, and Living a Life You Didn't Mean to Live.

I hope this finds you well.

Hi there, I've read your question and it seems like you're really worried about being attacked by others, that you're going through a lot and feeling really stressed. I get why you're feeling so panicky and anxious.

If you're afraid of being attacked by others, it might be because you've experienced a lot of aggressive behavior and language in the past. If you've been around this kind of behavior for a long time without intervening and dealing with it, it can cause lasting psychological trauma that may last a lifetime. Of course, if you can detect it in time and change, the situation may improve. We actually magnify these kinds of aggressiveness. As long as these behaviors are involved, including what you call the gaze, it will also produce post-traumatic stress reactions because we'll regard them as a scourge, just as we were in the past, afraid, afraid to resist, and even internalizing and torturing ourselves with these emotions over and over again.

I've actually had this experience myself. When I was a kid, I was bullied at school. My classmates isolated me and called me names. It was a rough time for me. It wasn't until I studied psychology that I felt empowered. I stopped being afraid of conflicts with others and learned to rationally deal with my emotions and events.

Here's a suggestion:

It can be helpful to seek the guidance of a counselor. They can help us gain insight into our inner selves, including our inner children, emotions, and thought processes. Understanding and being aware of ourselves is also a process of exploration.

Try to be open with your students and ask them what they think. You can ask if they think the way you think they do, or what they think of themselves. You don't have to worry about these comments, but you can use them to understand and adjust your own state.

It's also a good idea to work on your self-confidence and ability to handle pressure. You can try to face the attacks head on, little by little, to see what happens. You can also fight back. What will others do? Take your time to try and slowly refute them. You'll probably find that those aren't attacks, and they're probably just your imagination. If you're attacked, you have the right to fight back.

Wishing you the best!

First, let's dive deep and explore the fascinating connection between the challenges you're facing at work and the underlying issues about your self-evaluation and interpersonal relationships. Next, I'll be sharing some amazing examples and strategies to help you identify these psychological problems and find incredible ways to deal with them.

As a teacher, you have the amazing opportunity to impart knowledge, guide students, stimulate their interests and potential, and help them establish correct values and attitudes towards life. While students' reactions may vary, it's important to remember that their behavior is often influenced by multiple factors, including their personality, family background, and academic pressure.

However, the emotions you describe – fear of the camera, sensitivity to negative comments, and fear of being attacked by students – may stem from deep-seated feelings of self-doubt and interpersonal concerns. This self-doubt may stem from past experiences, such as being excluded or rejected by a group, which have caused you to have an overly negative view of yourself and make it difficult for you to respond to external comments comfortably. But don't worry! This is something you can work on.

Let's dive into an example! Imagine you're teaching a topic in class, but one student deliberately acts uninterested and even behaves provocatively. What can you do?

Stay cool and collected. Don't let the student's antics get to you. Stay calm and professional, and get back to teaching!

Now for the fun part! It's time to identify the reasons behind the student's behavior. There are a few possibilities here. The student may be uninterested in the subject matter, or they might have other issues that need to be resolved.

It's so important to try to understand his true thoughts, rather than simply attributing his behavior to dissatisfaction with you.

Rules and regulations are your friends! They help you manage students. If a student's behavior violates classroom discipline or school rules, you can deal with it according to the rules and regulations.

This is a great way to show the student that their actions have consequences and to establish your authority as a teacher!

Be sure to communicate with the student in a positive way. After class, grab a moment to chat with them one-on-one to get a better understanding of their thoughts and feelings.

Keep your communication open and respectful, and your students will feel your care and support!

Seek support from colleagues and leaders. They're there to help! If a student's behavior persists, or if you feel you are unable to handle the situation, don't hesitate to seek support from colleagues and leaders.

They may even offer some useful suggestions or help you solve problems!

And there's more! You can also take the following measures to improve your self-confidence and coping skills:

It's time to reflect on yourself and grow! Take a look at your teaching experience and think about how you can improve your teaching methods and techniques.

And there's more! You can also participate in some training and learning activities to improve your professionalism and ability.

It's time to build a great teacher-student relationship! Show your students you care about them and support them in every way you can.

This is a great way to increase the trust and respect your students have for you, and reduce their dissatisfaction and aggression towards you!

Embrace the challenge of handling negative comments head-on! When you encounter these comments, don't let them shake your confidence.

Take a deep breath and look at the evaluation objectively. You can learn so much from it! And remember, not everything is personal. Some people just want to cause trouble, so don't let them get to you.

Seek psychological support! If you feel unable to cope with your psychological problems or emotional distress, you can seek professional psychological support.

A psychologist can help you identify and deal with these issues and provide effective coping strategies and advice. This is a great way to take control of your life!

And finally, I want to say that as a teacher, your value and ability are not dependent on the reactions or evaluations of your students. You have the exciting opportunity to do your best to impart knowledge, guide students, and help them grow!

You can absolutely become an excellent teacher! All you have to do is maintain a positive mindset and professional attitude.

Hello! I'd like to extend a warm hug from afar to you.

I'm happy to see that you're seeking help and I hope that my sharing can provide some support and assistance. From your description, it seems that you are longing to be accepted, understood, respected, approved of, affirmed, and welcomed.

From your description, I can sense a certain inner inferiority, lack of confidence, and difficulty accepting yourself. It seems that you may not be fully aware of this aspect of your inner self, which could potentially lead you to unconsciously project this part of yourself onto those around you, perhaps perceiving them as rejecting, disliking, or being harsh towards you.

It might be helpful to consider whether you can fully accept, affirm, and appreciate yourself from the inside out when you feel that others are being too hostile, dissatisfied, or aggressive towards you. If you can't do this for yourself, it may be challenging to ask others to treat you in this way, because the way you treat yourself will likely guide and suggest the way others respond to you.

If I might suggest another way of looking at this, your inner feelings of self-loathing, harsh judgment, dissatisfaction, non-acceptance, lack of self-confidence, and inferiority will be expressed through your words and actions, emotional state, and can be fully felt by others in their interactions with you.

Often, what makes us feel uncomfortable and painful is not what others say or do, but rather our own inner struggles with inferiority, self-confidence, and the misinterpretation and generalization of others' words and deeds due to our own lack of acceptance. For example, you may perceive some unconscious behaviors and manners of your classmates as deliberately showing no interest in your class, acting unconcerned, and being hostile. When we have such preconceived biases, it can be challenging to interpret the child's behavior and manners from other perspectives and standpoints.

Even if this child is also like this in other teachers' classes, it's important to remember that the classroom is a two-way interaction. You have your own unique teaching methods, and students who do not perform well in other teachers' classes may not necessarily do the same in your class. Overgeneralization can sometimes prevent us from taking responsibility as teachers to actively reflect, perceive, and grow. Students who do not actively participate in class and do not cooperate with the teacher may have the opportunity to seek proactive changes, as teachers have far greater resources and abilities than students. What are your thoughts on this?

For instance, you might consider having a conversation with this student in a one-on-one setting. During this conversation, you could express your genuine feelings about seeing him in class and gently remind him that he may not be able to actively participate in classroom interaction. You could also convey your desire for him to seek more understanding and support from you. If he encounters any difficulties and needs help, you could encourage him to come to you. When this student feels understood, respected, accepted, valued, concerned, and cared for, rather than rejected, disliked, and harshly criticized, he may be more open to trying to understand your perspective and respond in a way that meets your needs. What are your thoughts on this approach?

It is also important to consider that some persistent negative states in the classroom may be a student's way of seeking help from the teacher and yearning for the teacher's attention, importance, and care. For example, if a student is facing difficulties in learning, emotions, social skills, or other aspects, and is unsure of how to better handle and cope with their distress, they may lack the courage to directly seek help and support from the teacher due to low self-esteem, self-rejection, and the need to protect their self-esteem. This can result in the student presenting themselves in a way that makes the teacher feel uncomfortable or abnormal. What are your thoughts on this?

I believe that the key to changing this state is to learn to better accept yourself, cultivate self-confidence, and enhance your sense of self-worth. When you can fully accept yourself from the inside out, firmly believe that you are good enough, and that you deserve to be treated well by yourself and others, you will be less influenced by others and will not care too much about other people's attitudes and evaluations of you.

Our relationships with others can offer insights into our inner selves. Others can serve as mirrors, helping us gain a deeper understanding of ourselves.

It is only when you can live in harmony with your inner self that you can enjoy the benefits of harmonious and nourishing relationships. It may be helpful to consider treating yourself and those around you in a way that aligns with your own values.

You might find it helpful to read "Embrace Your Imperfect Self" and "The Courage to Be Disliked."

Hello, I'm Coach Yu, and I'm excited to discuss this topic with you!

Now, let's dive into the fascinating topic of fear! Fear is an emotionalization-and-blaming-in-close-relationships-instinctively-pointing-fingers-at-others-what-should-one-do-3935.html" target="_blank">instinct that helps us avoid danger. When someone thinks about being "denied, negatively evaluated and afraid," or "ignored, abandoned and afraid," or "violated, attacked and afraid," they may be feeling danger. This kind of fear and worry is normal and understandable. As the questioner wrote, I'm afraid of the camera, afraid of all sharp stares, and afraid of all aggressive sounds.

Let's try something fun! When we feel afraid, let's ask ourselves: What are we afraid of?

Now, let's dive into the emotions and feelings that come up for you. And, of course, we'll explore the thoughts that go along with them.

Now, think back to your earliest memories. What kind of scene is in your oldest memory? What happened?

Oh, what a fascinating question! What were you like back then?

We can also try to ask ourselves if we consider fighting mode when we feel afraid. If we choose to fight back, it's a great opportunity to come up with a plan of action! What would we say and do?

Just think for a moment: what could happen?

We can also recall our childhood, and it's fascinating to think about whether every time we tried something new, every time we made a request, or even every time we cried, we were blamed and criticized by our parents, perhaps in a scene where we could only silently bear the blame ourselves. It's incredible how the cells of the body remember the feeling, even though it's been so long!

When we're faced with a similar situation, something amazing happens! Our bodies remember how to react to past experiences, and we feel a rush of adrenaline as our bodies tense up and our breathing quickens. This is known in psychology as a "complex" or emotional trigger.

The good news is that awareness is the first step on the path to change. We can choose to reconcile with our emotions by learning to recognize when we feel fearful and then saying "stop" in time, taking a deep breath, and watching those emotions without judgment. Another exciting option is writing therapy, where we can write and draw out our pain and suffering, giving our emotions an outlet to be released.

We can also try using an empty chair to create a safe situation and atmosphere through role-playing and self-dialogue. This is a great way to connect past events with our current state of mind, allowing chaotic thoughts to be consciously integrated and releasing negative emotions.

And then there's acceptance! Everyone is imperfect, and everyone has a side they don't want to touch, which we might call the dark side. People around us don't want to accept it, and we can't even face it ourselves. So we put on a mask and pretend to be the role that others like, but we are tired of living like this.

As the questioner describes, I feel like people are talking about me when I hear them whispering, and I wonder if they also think I'm stupid and awful.

And guess what? We can ask ourselves what we think when other people are chatting quietly, and what emotions and feelings it brings us.

And there's more! We can also ask ourselves: What is the ideal self? What is the difference between me and that person?

I'm ready to do this! What can I do to achieve this?

Once we become aware of our inner needs, we can start to know and accept ourselves. This is the key to unloading the heavy burden, releasing the tension in our hearts, not demanding too much of others, and not being too hard on ourselves. With an objective and comprehensive understanding of ourselves, we can be confident that we won't be swayed by external voices and comments. We can face problems and difficulties with equanimity!

And finally, love yourself!

You can ask for help! It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed when facing a challenge. Look for a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor. They can help you see and accept the shadow in your heart, and help you gradually replace negative thoughts with positive ones.

We absolutely must tell ourselves that we have grown up, that we have the strength and ability to protect ourselves, that we can affirm and satisfy our own needs, that we can express and communicate our own thoughts, that we can accept and appreciate our imperfect selves, and that other people's comments are just trivialities. It's so important to learn to look inward, hug our inner child, become our own inner parent, and when our core is stable, you can more confidently show yourself.

I'm so excited to recommend this amazing book: Embrace Your Inner Child!

I understand you're stressed. It's not easy being a teacher in a vocational school. You have to deal with lots of different students every day.

Your fear of the camera, intense looks, and harsh voices and looks show you are sensitive and vulnerable. This is not a weakness. We all have our own fears.

It's normal to feel stressed by your students' negative attitudes and possible aggression. It's also normal to worry about your teaching skills and communication abilities.

These concerns don't fully represent reality.

First, students' behavior may not be a rejection of you. They may be going through a rebellious stage or facing other personal problems.

It doesn't mean you're a bad teacher or unwelcome. Every student is different, and their behavior may reflect personal issues.

Second, everyone has self-esteem and frustration. When we face challenges, it is easy to doubt ourselves.

You are a talented teacher, and your hard work is valuable.

Your past experiences may make you sensitive to others' opinions. Try to see the feedback you and others give in a positive way.

See challenges as chances to grow, not rejections.

Seek support from colleagues, friends, or family. Let them offer you support and encouragement.

You can also get help from a counselor.

Love and care for yourself. Don't take on too much.

Everyone has their own pace, so don't be too demanding of perfection. Give yourself time to adjust.

I know this may be hard, but I believe you can face and overcome these difficulties. You are an excellent teacher, your students need you, and your colleagues and friends support you.

Don't forget your worth and believe you can get through this.

I also have some specific advice for you:

Build a positive self-image. Say positive things to yourself every day. Don't pay too much attention to the negative voices and stares. Focus on your strengths and achievements.

Keep learning and improving your teaching skills. Attend training sessions and seminars. Exchange experiences with other teachers. This will improve your teaching and boost your confidence.

Set goals to stay motivated. As you achieve goals, your confidence will grow.

Do something you enjoy outside of teaching. This can help you relax and relieve stress, while also helping you grow as a person.

Get support from family, friends, and colleagues. They can help you move forward.

Learn to accept failure. Everyone fails. When you fail, learn from it and keep moving forward.

You are not alone. People are there to support you.

Believe in yourself! The future will be better.

Also, when faced with aggressive voices and stares, try to understand why they're there. This will help you face these challenges more calmly and reduce your stress.

We hope you can adopt these suggestions and overcome your fear and sense of failure. With time, you will become more confident and better able to cope with challenges.

Good luck! You can do it!