How to cope with the discomfort and mental drain of colleagues not greeting you, and feeling increasingly anxious with each thought?

Hello, questioner!

From your description, I can tell you're a strong and capable person. You've got this amazing ability to face your inner anxiety and helplessness head-on. And you're not afraid to confront uncomfortable feelings head-on, either!

You say that you feel that your colleague, with whom you used to get along quite well, has recently been avoiding you, which makes you feel very disturbed and uncomfortable and affects your life and work. Is that true?

I'd love to know if this is a fact or just a feeling. Have you had a chance to verify it?

In fact, from your description, I feel that you are very sensitive and care a lot about what others think. This is not your fault, and it may be related to your previous experiences and the way you were educated. But here's the good news: you can change all that!

All problems are our resources. We are experts at solving our own problems! When you sometimes come here lacking something or sick, it means that you are already on the path to change.

Based on your description, I'm excited to share some suggestions for how you might feel. I really hope they can help!

First, be more aware and clarify!

It's totally normal for each of us to have our own negative emotions. But now that we're aware of them, we can be aware of the needs behind our emotions. Do we need to be seen and respected? Absolutely! So let's clarify our true feelings inside. This will help us a lot!

Second, it's time to adjust and strengthen our inner selves!

I don't know what happened to you, but I want to tell you something really important. Sometimes the way we feel is not the truth! What we need to do is to strengthen our inner selves. And we can do that by doing the things we like and gaining a sense of self-worth!

And most importantly, learn to love yourself!

My dear, I want to tell you something really important! Our relationship with everyone in life is our relationship with ourselves. When we are sensitive to other people's eyes and their behavior affects us, it means that we don't love ourselves enough and we care too much about other people's opinions. But there's something we can do about it! At this time, I suggest that we stop and learn to observe ourselves, learn to love ourselves, and give ourselves a hug. We can practice in the mirror every day to give ourselves the greatest energy.

Finally, I suggest that you seek help from a professional counselor or learn some psychology! The great news is that you have the power to change yourself.

Hello! It seems like there's no conflict with your colleagues, but it looks like they're deliberately targeting you. They don't say hello when they see you, and they avoid you. It's totally normal to feel anxious and uneasy when you encounter such a situation. After all, they're people you see every day!

You mentioned more than one colleague, which is great! However, if this is the case, I think you should first see if you are feeling wrong. I don't know if you feel anxious and insecure in other things, but if you do, it's an opportunity for growth! If you usually feel this way, it could mean that you may not have received the love and care you wanted from your parents when you were a child.

If the father neglects the child, the mother is overbearing and emotionally unstable, and she intrudes too much on the child's boundaries, the child will grow up lacking a sense of security and feeling anxious, feeling that his or her existence is not accepted. But there's hope! The child needs to receive feedback from others to affirm him or herself and to determine whether he or she is important.

If this is the case for you, it's not your fault. First, become self-aware and then make changes. It's time to become aware of the source of your anxiety. Are you afraid of being isolated because you're not perfect? Are you stressed because you feel oppressed? Are you anxious because you're worried that you're the only one around, or that if someone leaves you, you'll lose something? When you answer these questions, you'll naturally feel less anxious!

If this doesn't apply to you, you can also try greeting others actively! Don't worry if you don't get a response—just do what you want to do. And who knows? Taking the initiative might lead to some unexpected gains!

Affirm yourself, be tolerant of others, allow yourself to be yourself, and allow others to be themselves. This will naturally reduce internal conflict and anxiety. I really hope the above is helpful!

Hello! I really hope my answer can help you in some way.

You are a careful person with a strong sense of empathy, so you can sensitively pick up on external information, which in turn triggers emotions and thoughts within you. When we become entangled in these emotions and thoughts, we begin to enter a negative cycle, seemingly trapped and unable to extricate ourselves. But there is hope! What we need to understand is that emotions and thoughts are not actually ourselves. We are a much larger being than our emotions and thoughts. We need to take back our ownership and become the master of our emotions and thoughts.

I've got some great advice for you!

Be aware of your emotions, the needs behind them, and meet your needs in a reasonable way. You can do it!

When they don't greet you, you feel uncomfortable, anxious, and irritable. You feel awkward. So what is the reason behind these emotions? It's time to find out what unmet needs are making you feel so bad.

Absolutely! Emotions are hidden behind our unmet needs. Emotions are just messengers that come to deliver a message. The important thing is that we see the message it wants to convey. Once we see this message, it will not knock at the door again and again. So, go see what message it wants to convey! In other words, it is reminding you that you have to see the needs behind it. This is the part of your deficiency. It is precisely because of your internal deficiency in these parts that every time when others do not give it to you, you will be triggered. All you need to do is fill up these deficiencies in yourself and satisfy your needs in a reasonable way. Then it will not knock at the door again and again!

Let's look at an example. Imagine you're longing for recognition from others. You feel that others' failure to greet you is a rejection of you. This shows that your core need is to be recognized. And it's not just this one thing that makes you feel uncomfortable. Every time you encounter a situation where you are not recognized, you will feel this way. So, we need to use some ways to satisfy our core needs. One way is to learn to recognize yourself. You can do this by improving your self-identification through exercises or reading books. Or you can participate in supportive groups to enhance your sense of self-worth, self-identification, etc. When you have enough self-recognition within you, your emotions won't be triggered by others' rejections. This can fundamentally improve your emotional state!

2. Be aware of your thoughts! See that it is your own unreasonable beliefs that are affecting your state. Adjust your thoughts and improve your emotional state!

Become aware of your thoughts and see what your thoughts actually are. For example, you said: "It's like I've done something wrong and I'm ashamed of it." You feel that they don't say hello to you because you've done something wrong, and you feel ashamed. But this is just an idea of yours, and it doesn't have to be true!

And this thought is actually affecting your emotional state. From a psychological point of view, it is often not the event itself that affects our emotional state, but our thoughts about the event. This is great news! It means we can choose our thoughts. We must also see that thoughts are just thoughts, they are not you. You are the master of your own thoughts, and you can choose your thoughts.

For example, let's try thinking differently! They didn't greet me, but they did see me. They probably hope that I can be more proactive and greet them, and they also care about my liking for them. Does it feel different? Absolutely!

3. Take charge of your life! Boost your inner security, practice self-care, and treat yourself with kindness. The more you strengthen your inner power, the more you'll be able to enjoy a stress-free, fulfilling relationship.

Do you want to feel more secure in your relationships? It all starts with feeling secure within yourself! When you feel secure within, you're not going to worry about whether someone greets you or not. You're not going to feel like it's your fault or that you're not good enough. You're not going to feel ashamed of yourself because you can always accept, understand, and respect yourself. You're not going to care so much about what other people think because you have a stable core and a stable self-evaluation system of yourself. When someone doesn't greet you, you can still take the initiative to greet others again because you're not going to dwell on who greeted first or who should take the initiative to greet. You're going to feel secure within, and that's going to make you feel secure in your relationships!

You can achieve a state of feeling secure within by constantly practicing self-care! This means changing the way you treat yourself. Instead of always blaming and criticizing yourself, be gentle, friendly, and caring. Refer to the content of "The Power of Self-Care" for more information. You can care for yourself from three dimensions: treating yourself kindly, being a common human, and observing the present moment. You can truly love yourself and gradually establish an inner sense of security.

I hope this is helpful for you! Wishing you all the best!

Hello, I'm glad I can help.

You feel uncomfortable at work and want to get rid of this feeling.

First, we can see if this is a one-off or if it happens to all colleagues.

Colleague A targets us. He greets other colleagues but avoids us. Colleague B and C are similar.

Find out if there's only one person who doesn't greet us. Some colleagues greet us, but one doesn't.

We can determine if it's a few colleagues, all colleagues, or a misunderstanding. All colleagues get along. No one is targeting anyone; everyone has the same personality and doesn't like to say hello.

The next step is to reflect and sort out the problem.

No matter what the situation is, we need to be self-aware. We need to eliminate the possibility that there is something about us that makes colleagues unwilling to deal with us.

Self-awareness helps us understand our problems.

If there's something wrong with us, we can fix it.

If you realize that you're fine and the problem is that other people don't like you, you need to adjust your emotions and not let others belittle you.

The last is to solve the problem.

There are two ways to adjust.

The problem may be with us. We may have misunderstood each other or there may be something wrong with our behavior.

We need to adjust ourselves and resolve misunderstandings. For example, we may have been self-centered and focused on colleague A not interacting with us. But we find that colleague A doesn't interact with anyone, or just a few people he gets along with. In other cases, he just stays to himself. This is a misunderstanding, and we need to adjust our emotions.

If our habits are bad, we can think about it and change.

The second situation comes from the outside world and the personalities of colleagues. They like to go it alone, and sometimes there may be some contrasts and changes. For example, colleagues may be enthusiastic at first, but then lose interest.

Another possibility is that colleagues exclude a colleague. This can lead to bullying. At this time, we need to adjust.

There are two ways to adjust.

One way to solve the problem is to find someone who can act as an intermediary to communicate with the other party and resolve the problem.

If you can't resolve an issue with someone, you can't change their personality. If they just naturally dislike you, that's fine. It's like meeting a stranger on the street. If you don't like them, you won't like them no matter what. We need to accept this natural emotional response between people (eye contact).

We need to adjust our emotional state. Colleague relationships don't have to be friends. As long as it doesn't affect work, we don't have to say hello. We don't have to get along. We can work hard. If we don't have colleagues to chat with, we can do our own thing.

I hope you can find a way to deal with it that suits you and won't affect your work or life.

Love you, world!

Good day, my name is Zeyu.

In response to the question "What should I do if I feel awkward and anxious when a colleague doesn't greet me?," it is important to consider the personal significance of being greeted by a colleague.

Individuals may hold disparate views and positions on the matter of greeting. The questioner experiences feelings of awkwardness, fatigue, unease, anxiety, and obligation regarding the matter of a colleague's lack of greeting. Consequently, the questioner is motivated to resolve this issue. If we solely focus on problem-solving, the most straightforward and effective approach is to be realistic and take the initiative to greet the other person first. Assuming that we take the initiative to greet the other person, if the other person can hear or see us, they will respond to us, but the nature of their response depends on the individual.

If the aforementioned approach is perceived as unduly intimate or direct, an alternative would be to broach the subject with the colleague in question at an appropriate juncture, inquiring about their attitude and listening to their response. This strategy is designed to prevent an overactive imagination from reconstructing the truth. In the event that the other person is reluctant to address the matter, it is important to respect their right to privacy and refrain from forming opinions based on assumptions.

From an internal perspective, the lack of greeting from a colleague may signify a lack of respect or deliberate distancing. This can give rise to feelings of unease and anxiety, leading to the perception that one is undeserving of respect or acceptance. However, the reality is that whether or not someone greets us has no bearing on our status or impression in their mind, nor does it alter the situation. The unease and anxiety experienced are not a result of any wrongdoing on our part. Rather, they are a product of our mind's imagination.

One may attempt to identify pertinent examples or experiences from one's personal history to ascertain whether they can persuade themselves to achieve a state of composure. In the event that such examples or experiences are unavailable, one may endeavor to locate evidence that would invalidate one's internal assumptions and thereby ascertain the veracity of the matter. Alternatively, one may choose to redirect one's attention and focus one's energy on other matters, thereby reducing the significance of this event and allowing it to dissipate in a natural manner.

Hello, question asker!

We all face challenges in getting along with colleagues at work. I'd like to share a few observations that might help:

The questioner gave some examples, like how when they first started working together, they greeted each other, but then she stopped, and so did the people she was friendly with.

It's not uncommon for conflicts and problems with colleagues to stem from a fixed mindset.

This way of thinking limits you to looking at and analyzing problems from a very small circle. You're only used to dwelling on a certain point to judge and act, rarely thinking about problems from a larger perspective.

For instance, if you feel uneasy and drained, and the more you think about it, the more anxious you become, it's because you're focusing on the positive and negative reactions to your greetings from other people and your own subjective judgment. You're not thinking objectively and positively about your own position and value as a member of the workplace among your colleagues and the unit as a whole.

It's also possible that you're being paranoid and think your thoughts and judgments are always right.

For instance, thinking that "it's as if I've done something wrong and I'm ashamed of it" is a kind of stubborn or even obsessive thinking and judging that regards other people's free choices as right or wrong. This makes it difficult for you to see the true value of your interpersonal relationships in the workplace.

Based on what we've discussed, I think it would be helpful for you to take a closer look at the situation from your own perspective to identify any areas where you could improve.

For instance, try to cut down on the obsessive thinking that goes something like this: "I feel insecure. I feel like this is a problem."

And the above-mentioned thinking limitations and the tendency to think you're always right.

Second, I suggest you don't worry about how this colleague responds to your "greetings." It's their right and freedom to respond however they want. There's nothing right or wrong with any choice or attitude they make.

You don't have to take the lead with a sense of responsibility that says, "I have to fix it," because if you keep going like this, the other person won't change much, but you'll just become more "anxious, irritable, and obsessive."

I think you should still talk to this colleague about your feelings and expectations.

If you communicate with your colleague, you can help her become more self-aware, understand why she has communication barriers, improve your relationship with her, and also improve your interpersonal skills and efficiency. This will help you feel less negative about yourself.

At the end of the day, it'd be a good idea to focus on improving your communication skills.

Communication is about more than just talking. The most important thing is to make sure you're understood.

At the same time, you need to find the right time and place to share your feelings about your colleague's behavior in a constructive way, while trying to understand the other person's attitude and response as much as possible. This is the only way to have effective interaction and feedback.

I hope this is helpful for you.

If you find yourself in such a situation, you will undoubtedly feel confused and uneasy, especially if you're unsure if you've done anything wrong. Here are some suggestions to help you relieve your anxiety and deal with this problem:

Self-reflection: First, review your own behavior and attitude to ensure that you have not done anything that may have caused dissatisfaction among your colleagues. This helps you determine whether the problem is with you. Do not over-blame yourself or get caught up in self-blame.

If you don't think you have a problem, communicate directly with these colleagues. Choose an appropriate time to express your confusion and feelings, and ask if they have any misunderstandings or grievances.

Communication is the key to understanding each other and solving problems.

Remain calm and polite. It doesn't matter how your colleagues treat you. Stay calm and polite. Don't let their attitude affect your emotions or work performance.

Your value is not contingent on the approval or disapproval of others.

Seek support. If you can't solve the problem on your own, get help from colleagues, friends, or family. They can give you advice or help you see the other side of the issue.

Focus on your own growth. Don't waste your time on trivial matters. Concentrate on your work and your own growth. As you become better and more confident, these issues will naturally become less important.

Learn to let go. You can't change how others act, so accept it.

Don't let this issue bother you. Focus your energy on more meaningful things.

Finally, don't let anxiety or irritability get the better of you. These problems are only a small part of life, and you have the power to choose how they affect your overall sense of happiness and contentment.

Face your challenges head-on with a positive and optimistic attitude.

Dear Questioner, I empathize with your situation. Colleagues are expected to interact positively with one another, and greeting each other is a fundamental gesture that fosters productive working relationships.

However, when you observe that some colleagues are no longer greeting you as they previously did, or even avoiding you on purpose, it can be unsettling and confusing. There is no need to be concerned, as we can work together to find a solution.

First and foremost, I want to reassure you that you have not done anything wrong. We all have our own personalities and ways of doing things, and sometimes colleagues may feel a sense of distance due to subtle differences.

It is possible that the issue does not lie with you, but rather with the way you interact with each other. It is important not to blame yourself or become overly concerned. This is not your fault.

Next, we can analyze this issue from multiple perspectives. You may wish to consider the reasons why these colleagues do not greet you.

Have there been any misunderstandings or miscommunications between you and your colleagues? Alternatively, have they been in a bad mood recently, which may have affected their interactions with others?

It is also possible that they are simply introverted and not particularly adept at greeting people. However, these are merely assumptions, and the actual reason requires observation and understanding.

To gain further insight into this matter, I will recount a personal experience. I previously had a colleague who initially displayed great enthusiasm but subsequently became aloof.

I later discovered that something had occurred at home during that period, which caused her to become depressed and affect her interactions with others. This illustrates that changes in the behavior of colleagues may not always be directed at us personally, but rather influenced by external factors.

In psychology, this phenomenon may be related to people's psychological defense mechanisms. When people feel insecure or threatened, they may adopt defensive behaviors to protect themselves.

It is possible that these colleagues are experiencing some pressure or unease in their relationship with you, which may be leading them to avoid contact. However, this does not indicate any inherent problem on your part. Rather, it suggests that there may be room for improvement in the way you interact with each other.

Let's consider some targeted solutions to this issue. One approach is to proactively engage with these colleagues to gain insight into their perspectives and emotions.

You can arrange a suitable time to invite them for a cup of coffee or a meal, during which you can discuss each other's work and lives in a relaxed atmosphere. Through communication, you can gain a better understanding of each other and eliminate any misunderstandings or barriers.

Secondly, you may wish to consider adjusting your mentality and behaviour. It is advisable to avoid focusing unduly on the behaviour of others and to maintain a confident and optimistic attitude.

You can expand your professional network by participating in more team activities or social events, which will allow more people to get to know and like you. At the same time, you can also learn some social skills and methods to improve your professional skills.

In conclusion, it is important to note that interpersonal relationships are a complex and ever-changing process. It is essential to learn to accept and adapt to these changes.

It is important to remember that even if some colleagues do not greet you, it does not mean that you are unpopular or unappreciated at work. You should continue to believe in your abilities and value, and ensure that you are performing your job well. This will help you to build stronger relationships with your colleagues and gain their respect.

In short, maintain a calm and collected demeanor. I am confident that with your dedication and adjustments, this issue will be resolved.

I am confident that you can resolve this issue and demonstrate your strengths and abilities.

I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.

Hello, Thank you for your thoughtful question. I am ZQ, a heart exploration coach from the Yixinli platform. It is evident that your heart places great value on interpersonal relationships, particularly those mentioned in the license. The act of greeting someone can often reveal a great deal about one's own feelings.

If someone doesn't greet you, it can sometimes feel as though the relationship between you is not as strong as it could be, or that the other person may have had a misunderstanding. This can create an awkward and unfamiliar atmosphere. People who trust each other very much usually greet each other naturally, so it's worth considering whether there might be room for improvement in this area.

If you are not particularly familiar with these colleagues, for example, you have only been on a business trip once or twice, or you have only entered the company together but have not had much contact since, or you have not had much in common with other colleagues with whom you spend a lot of time together and do not really share the same values, it is understandable that you might not greet each other.

People who genuinely greet each other are often those who are adept at fostering positive relationships with others, those who are respectful of their superiors, or those who place a high value on interpersonal connections. If your relationship is already harmonious, it's likely that you'll naturally greet and engage in conversation with each other. It's only with individuals like this, with colleagues like this, that you're likely to greet each other.

It's likely that most people don't greet each other because they prefer to keep their personal emotions separate from their work lives. After all, this is a workplace, not a place to make friends. Everyone is here to work. Of course, there are also situations where you meet good friends in the workplace, and in that case, we should cherish it.

If a colleague doesn't greet you, it can lead to feelings of anxiety. It might be helpful to consider your own needs from a different perspective. Do you want to make a lot of friends at work? Or would you prefer to be treated with politeness?

It would be beneficial to remember that people are the most uncontrollable creatures.

It may be challenging to control everyone to move or do things in the way you want. People are all unique in nature, which means they are different and may have different needs and expectations. Treating everyone the same may not be the most effective approach.

Additionally, people have an independent nature, which means they are independent of your mind and may not always align with your expectations. For colleagues who came together, they greeted each other at the beginning, which shows that they still have feelings for each other. Later, she didn't greet you because she may not have communicated much after joining the company. You can consider whether this is the case.

It might be worth considering whether her lack of greeting is a result of a lack of desire to do so, rather than a reflection of some deeper issue. Similarly, if you both come back from a business trip and don't greet each other, it may simply be because of the demands of the trip. It's possible that this doesn't necessarily reflect a continued lack of interest in working together.

There may also be someone you know but are not particularly close to, and there is no obligation to say hello to them.

Often, it's not because of something you did wrong, but because someone else wants to do something. Even if you expect someone to say hello or you want to say hello to someone, it's important to be aware of what other people need. If you're really good friends, it's perfectly fine to say hello, bump into each other, and say a few words.

If there is little to no common ground between you and the other person, it is perfectly acceptable to forego a greeting.

After all, it's probably best to avoid causing trouble and embarrassment when you don't know someone well. You might want to take some time to think about it. I also recommend that you do the platform's Meditation Planet training when you are anxious, so that you can say goodbye to internal friction, increase your sense of self, and allow yourself to focus on your work and treat those colleagues who get along well with you and share your values with you with care. Colleagues who don't are probably not worth your attention. Just do your best.

Could I just check with you about ZQ?

It is essential that individuals have a clear purpose for undertaking any given task.

Individuals in disparate positions within other industries similarly require a purpose. With regard to the matter of greeting one another, if one's colleague does not possess elevated expectations of themselves and deems the act of greeting to be a fundamental courtesy within the workplace, then the sole means of prompting said colleague to extend a greeting is through the application of external forces, such as the influence of their family in encouraging them to greet you with a smile when they see you.

In regard to the matter of greeting colleagues, if your colleague does not have high expectations of herself or if the scope of the work requires that colleagues greet each other in a manner that is perceived as foreign and smile, then her failure to greet you is indicative of a lack of expectation that others will initiate the greeting, and that the atmosphere will gradually become one of greeting each other.

If your colleague does not greet you, it may be the case that she desires to form a friendship, yet she fails to take any action to achieve this. It is possible that your colleague is accustomed to being directed by others and following their lead. She may frequently refrain from taking the initiative to act independently, in order to conserve effort and time, and may lack the capacity to formulate her own ideas.

It is important to consider whether your colleague is able to adhere to her beliefs, whether she is highly self-demanding, whether she is accustomed to relying on her intellect, and whether she is lacking in the initiative to take action. If so, it may be concluded that your colleague is excessively passive in all aspects of her interactions with others and in her approach to tasks.

Your colleague's tendency towards passivity, particularly in the workplace, may be a source of concern. Additionally, there is a possibility that this passive approach to work may be accompanied by low efficiency in various aspects of work and other challenges.