How to deal with the formation of minor dependence from consultation, which leads to emotional impact affecting daily life?

Hello, question asker. I can see you're feeling confused, and I'm here to give you a big hug!

I see you're having a bit of a tough time with counseling. Don't worry, I'm here for you. Take my hand, we'll get through this together.

When I first arrived in Shanghai five years ago, I relied too heavily on my counselor.

So, for a while, the counselor's Taiwanese father or mother fell ill; she needed to go back to take care of things.

During that time, I realized that I was more sensitive to criticism. Even a simple comment from someone I just met at the gym about my aerobics class could make me feel so sad I'd cry all night.

Later on, I chatted with my third sister in Hong Kong and the third daughter of my eldest brother's wife, who had passed away. She let me know that I had become too reliant on my counselor at the time.

So, how can you avoid becoming dependent on a counselor?

It's so important to remember that your counselor is there to support you, but they're not a crutch. One day, you'll be ready to walk on your own.

It's also a great idea to expand your social circle with one or two close friends.

And then, when you really want to talk to someone, you can also find them!

I'm so happy to tell you about a new feature on the platform! It's called the "Confession Room."

If you need to talk, please feel free to go into the counseling room.

If you're feeling shy about speaking into the microphone, no problem! You can just use the text box on the screen to chat with your teacher.

I really hope the problem you're having gets sorted out for you soon.

I'm so sorry, I can only think of these things right now.

I really hope my answer was helpful and inspiring for you! I'm always here for you, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Wishing you all the best!

Hello. This kind of psychological state is actually a common psychological reaction after psychological counseling, so there is no need to worry. Before we seek psychological counseling, we have psychological distress that is difficult to resolve. We seek psychological counseling to obtain comfort and relief. When we seek psychological counseling, it is a process of self-confession. The counselor helps us through our words and behavior. The counselor listens to our thoughts and problems, giving us a sense of relief and satisfaction in being able to confide in someone.

It is like a friend with whom you can talk about anything. When we reduce the frequency of counseling, we feel a lack in our hearts, which affects our lives. There is no doubt that paying attention to our own psychological changes and feelings is a positive way to love ourselves.

Counselors use different methods and theories, which leads to different results. We may feel relaxed after counseling, but we may also feel that the counselor has not understood us. This is normal. What we hope for is not the counseling itself, but the person and process with whom we can pour out our hearts.

Therefore, you can strengthen friendships and family relationships, find a more suitable companion, and reduce your dependence on psychological counseling. Let me be clear: psychological counseling is very helpful for psychological distress, but it will not become a companion for our normal psychology.

Make time for your friends and family. Talk to them. You'll feel better. I'm here to help. I wish you happiness.

Good for you for noticing your feelings and seeking help.

You said you've sought out a counselor, but you feel hurt, disappointed, and helpless. Seeking help is a way to understand and express your emotions.

A counselor is someone who listens and provides immediate support.

If you're not getting the results you want, consider professional counseling. Everyone's psychological growth takes time. There's no quick fix.

Also, talking to others can help you understand your situation better. You might not feel like changing, but this is normal when you're growing. If you feel hurt by the listener, you can talk to them about it. It's also good to explore this part.

Be more aware of your emotions. Write them down if you can. Writing about our emotions and stories is healing. Practice mindfulness meditation. Read the book "The Power of Self-Care."

No matter if they are listening therapists or psychological counselors, they are all companions. The protagonist of change is still ourselves! Best wishes!

Hello.

From your questions, I understand that you feel very dependent on consulting and confiding in others. This habit has not only failed to improve the difficulties you encounter, but has also brought some negative impact on your life. You really want to adjust this state, and I understand your distress. You need to take control and make a change.

It's only natural to become dependent on an advisor who listens to you patiently and tolerates your difficulties when you encounter unhappy events in life and there is no one around to talk to and seek help. Therefore, first of all, you can normally accept and accept your own emotional and psychological needs for help and understanding.

To ensure that counseling is truly beneficial for you, it is essential to accept and face your current state. Additionally, there are a few key points to keep in mind:

1. Counseling is about building a relationship, and communication between counselor and client is essential.

It is essential to understand that the counseling process requires honest feedback from both parties to advance effectively. Speculation and efforts from one side alone will not achieve good counseling results. The reason for choosing counseling is to solve problems in a practical way. If you do not feel good during counseling, you must communicate your feedback to the counselor in a timely manner. As you mentioned, "sometimes I feel hurt and disappointed." You must give the other person feedback on your feelings in a timely manner so that they can also make adjustments in a timely manner.

If you feel you are not a good match for the counselor, you can choose to change to a counselor who is more suitable for you.

2. Understand that counseling is a long-term process.

Any problem does not arise overnight, and neither can problems be solved overnight with just a few sessions of counseling. It is important to keep expectations for counseling reasonable. Do not expect to solve all problems at once, but you can see your progress each time by comparing yourself to a week or a month ago. Small improvements add up and can lead to big changes.

3. Don't rely on counseling alone. Use your own strength.

If you rely too heavily on treatment, you'll find it easy to shift the focus from facing your own problems to focusing on the treatment methods. This is because you'll be bringing the source of your anxiety about the problems you need to face to the outside world, so that you don't have to bear the responsibility of healing yourself. From another perspective, it also matters whether you can take responsibility for yourself and whether counseling is effective. If you put the cart before the horse and mix up your treatment goals and methods, and if you are not healed well, you can attribute this to your failure to find a perfect counselor to help you become better, which is also not conducive to the ultimate effect of counseling. Therefore, you need to seek the help of a counselor as a supplement and make good use of your own strength as the mainstay.

Best wishes!

Hello, question asker!

I see that you say, "I've gotten into the habit of consulting and confiding in my counselor. Sometimes they hurt me, and sometimes I'm disappointed in them, but I can't help it. I don't know how to use other methods to distract myself. I feel so tired. How can I reasonably confide in someone? It really has an impact on my life." I'd love to share some understanding of counseling and give you some advice:

1. I'd love to know more about the counseling process!

Counseling is a wonderful process that allows the client to gradually build a relationship with their counselor. The counselor interacts with the client through a series of psychological theories and knowledge, becoming a mirror for the client, guiding them to better see themselves, and ultimately helping them to independently make decisions for themselves and take responsibility for themselves. This process has roughly three steps:

The first step is to establish a counseling relationship.

The second step is to help the client explore and see themselves together.

The third step is separation. This is when the client can grow independently, make decisions for themselves, and get rid of their dependence and negative emotions.

2. I'd love to know where the questioner is at that stage!

From what you've shared, it seems like you're in a bit of a transition between the second and third stages. It's totally normal to hit a few bumps in the road! It sounds like you're feeling a bit tempted to leave the counseling relationship, but you're still working through some feelings of dependence. It's okay to need a little encouragement to move forward.

3. I'd love to know how you move on to the next step!

It's so great that you can feel your emotions in the moment! It's a wonderful first step towards real change.

It would be really helpful for the counselor to understand your state better. So please, give the counselor honest feedback on your current feelings, including this sense of dependence and fatigue. Then we can see if the counselor can help you explore together where the sticking point is.

It's also a great idea to find more support resources and build a stronger, more independent space for yourself, like your family, friends, and, most importantly, yourself. The best resources for your independence come from within. They're your passion for life and the pursuit of values, as well as the concrete actions you take for them.

Hello! I just wanted to say how well I think you're doing. It's great that you're aware of your emotions and that you're able to relieve and manage them so well through counseling.

First of all, whether it is counseling or psychological counseling, the ultimate goal is for the visitor to grow personally, actively adapt to work and life, and self-regulate and care for themselves through self-awareness of their emotions and feelings. If you have formed a habit of consulting and talking, it largely indicates that you are not gaining self-growth from it. Of course, there are things you are not doing well when you talk, and there are also parts you need to try to be aware of and face. That is why you choose to listen. In being listened to, your needs are met. Have you tried to respond to yourself through your own efforts in these parts?

I'm just wondering, are you maybe not willing to try, or are you truly unable to do it?

You say you were hurt by the listener and disappointed. I'm wondering why you didn't choose to express your true feelings directly during the listening session. And what kind of response did you expect from him to avoid such experiences and feelings?

I'd love to understand more about why you're avoiding facing these feelings and what's going on for you. Is it a fear of being rejected, of being disliked, or something else? Could it be that you're projecting your inner disappointment and dissatisfaction with yourself for not growing better through listening?

It's okay if you can't express the needs behind the hurtful behavior in counseling. We all have our limits. When you're ready, you'll have more acceptance and understanding of your own distress. You'll try to face it fearfully but bravely, and you'll feedback your true feelings. At the same time, you should also cultivate the ability to care for yourself through listening counseling, cultivate emotional self-awareness, self-regulation, and self-management skills, try to help yourself by asking for help, and grow into your own listener.

I really think you'd benefit from reading the books "The Power of Empathy" and "The Power of Self-Care."

Hi, I'm Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum. The world and I love you!

Psychological counseling is an invaluable tool for personal growth, but it is not the only tool. If you have developed a dependency on counseling, you should discuss this with your counselor.

Let's talk about those past counseling sessions. Why was the goal terminated? What are your current counseling goals? The goal of psychological counseling is to enable the client to grow independently from the counselor.

No matter what your reasons were for seeking psychological counseling in the first place, don't forget your original intentions. If you have developed some negative emotions, you must allow yourself to make appropriate adjustments and figure out what exactly is causing these emotions.

You will go and talk to a counselor about your own things, which will help you. However, if you have too high of expectations, you will inevitably be disappointed. You need to adjust your expectations.

You must understand that talking about your feelings will not necessarily solve all your problems. Similarly, psychological counseling is an attempt to turn on the light in your heart. You will still encounter darkness on the road ahead, and you will have to continue moving forward. You can record what exactly is affecting you.

Then talk to your counselor about reducing the frequency of counseling. You should not rely on counseling too much. Rely on yourself more and read more books about healing. Read books like "The Minimalist Lifestyle Handbook," "Independence Day 4: Can I Come Over to Your House?," "It's Okay to Slow Down," and "Things You Won't Know Until You've Given It Your All." This will make you like your life more.

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