How to deal with the tendency to avoid bad things and having a strong sense of empathy?

Hello, my dear friend! I'm sending you a big, warm hug from the bottom of my heart.

It's so interesting how empathy has become a very popular word in recent years! It seems that people who lack empathy are seen as cold-blooded, and some people even use this as an excuse to manipulate others.

But is empathy really all good and no harm?

It's so interesting how psychologists have been studying empathy for a long time and have discovered some of its less positive aspects. I'd love to recommend two books to you that explore this topic in more depth: "Get Rid of Empathy: Reason Makes Us Strong" and "The Empathy Trap." They're actually discussing the same thing, which is that there's a way to empathize, and it's not just to blindly feel the same way as others. However, it's important to be aware that excessive empathy can sometimes be harmful to ourselves and others.

Empathy can also have a dark side.

The first thing to note is that empathy can sometimes lead us to avoid truly serious difficulties. Empathy is the feeling of sorrow for the sorrows of others. We are driven by empathy to help others, essentially to alleviate our own pain.

For example, when someone sees someone else going through a tough time, they may feel a strong urge to help. This can be a positive thing, as it can help us to feel better about ourselves.

But if the pain is too intense, we might find ourselves avoiding it rather than trying to help. For example, if someone is sick and needs 2 million yuan for treatment, and we're crowdfunding for it, we might feel that our contribution is too small to make a difference.

The second thing to watch out for is that empathy can sometimes create unfairness.

We often focus on visible suffering and ignore invisible suffering. For example, children who cry get candy.

It's a funny thing, isn't it? All children should be given candy. But we empathize more with the child who is suffering because he doesn't have any candy.

The third thing to keep in mind is that empathy can sometimes be a bit narrow-minded.

Empathy isn't something we give to everyone indiscriminately. It's usually reserved for two types of people: those who are good-looking and those who are on our side.

If you'd like to learn more about this, I highly recommend reading the book The Good Angels in Human Nature.

So, how can we be less affected by empathy? Well, empathy can be divided into two types: emotional empathy and cognitive empathy. People with strong empathy are usually emotionally empathetic, which means they feel the feelings of others.

Rather than kindness, care, compassion, love, morality, and other higher levels of empathy.

What we really need is cognitive empathy, which is more rational and less affected by emotions. Such people may appear cold, but they're really just trying to make the best decisions for everyone involved. For example, there's a story about Steve Jobs asking an employee a question in an elevator. The employee didn't know the answer, so Steve Jobs turned around and fired him.

Steve Jobs had a lot on his plate. He had to make a tough decision when he had to fire an unqualified employee. It's not easy to let someone go, but it's part of being a leader. Steve was a great guy, but he wasn't the best at handling people. He was more of a thinker than a feeler.

It's clear to you that you have a strong ability to empathize with others' emotions. At the same time, you're probably used to looking outward and not inward, and you don't like to pay attention to your inner self. This makes you very susceptible to the influence of others, and it may also be an escape from your own problems.

So, it might be a good idea to chat with a counselor. Questions can sometimes feel a bit limited, and answers can't always go into as much detail as we'd like.

I'm a psychological counselor who gets the ups and downs of life, but I'm always here for you. I love the world and I love you!

Hello, dear questioner. I am Sia, your listening therapist.

From what you've shared, I can empathize with your experience. When we're highly empathic, external negativity can overwhelm us, leaving us feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and low. At times, we may feel the urge to escape from these negative emotions, yet we still feel the pain. It's natural to feel uncertain about how long this state will last and to feel distressed.

I would like to offer you a big hug and share some of my thoughts with you.

I believe that empathy has many benefits.

First, I believe it is a gift. People with empathy often have a strong sense of intuition and affinity.

Secondly, it is often the case that we can see the essence of things and make the right choice quickly.

Once more, I believe that empathy can help us to understand the needs of others, which can be beneficial in our relationships.

Finally, I have developed a fondness for psychology as a result of my empathy, and I am happy to offer the original poster my support. I appreciate this expression of love.

Secondly, I would like to discuss the challenges that can arise from empathy.

If I might make a suggestion, when we find ourselves overwhelmed by negative emotions caused by our empathy, we can always choose to step away.

Secondly, when we experience strong negative emotions as a result of empathy, we can use this as an opportunity to gain insight into the underlying reasons behind our sadness and identify the specific aspects of our past experiences that have been triggered.

If we can identify the root cause of our distress, we can work to resolve it and move forward with a sense of peace. This can be an invaluable opportunity for personal growth.

Ultimately, once we have overcome these issues that initially caused us distress, we will be better equipped to assist others and will no longer feel hurt.

I hope these thoughts will be helpful to the original poster in transforming negative emotions into a positive force for growth and improvement. What other factors can influence our mood? A hug, for instance, can play a role.

I hope you wake up every day with your heart facing the sun. I hope you find happiness in your life.