How to distinguish between love and friendship for same-sex friends?

Hello.

You asked how to tell the difference between friendship and homosexuality. It's clear that this question bothers you, and I understand your feelings: you are curious, uncertain, and unwilling to accept the situation.

The causes of homosexuality are complex and different for each person. It is normal and understandable to feel confused about this.

Friendship is something we are familiar with. It is reflected in the care, consideration, encouragement, support, and help between people. However, friendship has boundaries. The social distance is relatively close, but the boundaries are clear and each person is independent. Their intersection is mainly reflected in the real-life mutual help and support and the spiritual support given in times of difficulty. The two parties are not clingy, very free, and they are not sad when they part.

At the physical level, there will be contact, but it is not sexual. There is no sense of exclusivity, and you don't often want to be in physical contact with the other person.

From your description, it is clear that you desire her physically. There is a sexual component that is not mentioned, so it is hard to guess. Think about whether your feelings for her include these desires, exclusivity, and further intimate behavior.

You're right—her friends are a source of jealousy for you. It's clear that friendship can also be a form of jealousy. This kind of jealousy is often a manifestation of narcissism, which is understandable and can be resolved. It's also normal for women to be jealous of other women.

It is important to note that excessive jealousy may be related to early trauma, usually involving the mother or early caregivers. This is something you should explore, as it is often one of the causes of homosexuality.

Tell me, what is your jealousy like? Is it a fleeting thought?

I need to know if this is about me or her. I can't let her take my place.

You should also examine your relationship with your mother. How was it when you were growing up? Do you identify with her?

Tell me about your relationship with your father. Is he absent?

Etc.

This is a complex question. It's evident that your relationship with her is complex, but to provide a comprehensive answer, we require more detailed information.

Hello, question asker!

I came across your question on the platform. It seems you're unsure about the nature of your feelings for your same-sex friend. You're both curious and a bit puzzled, and you may have some emotional expectations. However, you're still unsure about the distinction.

How can you tell if your feelings for a same-sex friend are romantic or just friendly?

1. The key to distinguishing between love and friendship is to determine whether you have further intimate thoughts (sexual desires, sexual urges) and closer physical contact with same-sex friends. You mentioned that you like to have physical contact with her, are attracted to her, like being with her, and at the same time are the most jealous of her. This sense of possessiveness is relatively vague, because the sense of possessiveness in friendship is also very strong. The only thing is to see if there is a persistent further sexual desire and sexual fantasies. However, the information you described is not complete, so it is not easy to draw a conclusion. It's clear you like her a lot and care deeply about her.

The same goes for a purely friendly liking. Lots of close girlfriends who get along well are also in such a relationship. You can only know for sure whether you absolutely need her, whether you want to get closer to her, and whether you completely reject her hanging out with other friends by getting further confirmation. At the same time, you also need to confirm whether you will reject the opposite sex. Purely homosexual people are very averse to contact with the opposite sex. You can confirm this yourself.

3. I saw the additional info in your comment. It seems like you've come to believe that she only has friendly feelings for you. Even though she seems neutral, she's very straightforward and doesn't tend to be attracted to the same sex. She's gradually moving on and making new friends. I can imagine you're feeling pretty sad about it. It seems like she doesn't value you as much as you value her. It's natural to feel a bit lost and confused when you're dealing with unrequited love.

4. There's no need to confirm what kind of liking you have for her. Treat whatever kind of relationship you have with her as a friendship. That way, she won't be embarrassed, and you won't be awkward.

5. You can't force feelings. She made it clear that it's a friendship, so take it slow and let go of those feelings that aren't clear yet. Turn the relationship that won't work into a friendship! You used to have a great relationship, so she definitely won't let you go easily. First, communicate well. The biggest feature of a friendship is that you can keep a little distance from each other, which in turn avoids harm.

6. I hope you can figure it out slowly and love yourself well in the future, regardless of your sexual orientation. It's important to love what you love.

I hope this helps. Best regards, [Name]

Firstly, there are some inconsistencies in the description provided.

First, you stated that she frequently goes out alone, and you perceive her to be both independent and lonely, despite her apparent ability to interact with others.

The notion of being independent, lonely, and getting along well with everyone is, in fact, contradictory.

Secondly, it is frequently asserted that love is a selfish emotion. However, the same is not typically said of friendship. Nevertheless, you have suggested that your feelings may be a form of jealousy between friends.

The question thus arises as to why jealousy arises between friends.

Thirdly, you state that she "clearly" cares about you the most and that you are "more important" to her than anyone else. However, you also claim that she "sticks to other people" and never initiates contact with you or sends you WeChat messages. This is a contradictory assertion, as someone who cares about another person will typically make the first move in initiating contact.

Furthermore, the statement employs a plethora of adverbs, including "I think," "maybe," "fantasy," and "illusion." These words illustrate that a significant portion of the relationship is shaped by subjective imagination rather than objective reality.

It would be advisable to consider the relationship from an objective standpoint, as an external observer might. This would entail determining whether the individual in question is someone who prefers solitude or social interaction, whether he or she is emotionally attuned to your feelings or not, and whether he or she is inclined to treat you differently based on your actions or not.

When these questions have been considered, it will facilitate a more accurate understanding of the truth, rather than a state of confusion where subjective consciousness and objective facts are conflated.

Once the objective facts have been established, the emotional issues can then be considered. The first step is to define love and to determine what it means to like someone.

The love triangle theory posits that love is comprised of three fundamental components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. John Alan Lee, a psychology professor at the University of Toronto, postulates that love can be conceptualized in terms of the three primary colors, proposing that the three primary colors of love are passion, play, and friendship.

The term "like" is defined as a feeling of pleasure or joy, as well as a sense of fondness or favorable interest in someone or something. It encompasses a range of positive emotions, including appreciation, admiration, respect, affection, and worship.

It is anticipated that, upon attaining an accurate comprehension of the denotations of these two terms, the reader will achieve a preliminary grasp of their current emotional state. Should the reader wish to gain further insight into their emotional state, it is recommended that they undertake an experiment.

The first step is to list the photos of men and women you have a crush on. Rate them according to how attracted you are to them, and then average the scores according to the number of photos.

The objective is to ascertain whether the score for the male group is higher or the score for the female group is higher. This will assist in determining the heart rate index for men and women.

In the following question, respondents are asked to imagine that they have the option of spending the remainder of their lives with a single individual. They are then asked to indicate whether they would prefer to be with a man or a woman.

From the theoretical number, it can be surmised that the probability of a male partner being selected is relatively high. This is based on the initial assertion that the subject displays a preference for androgyny, as evidenced by the reference to Princess Caroline.

This indicates a preference for her as a male.

Ultimately, it is essential to ascertain whether this relationship is merely an imagined construct or a tangible reality. If there is a reciprocal response to every emotional expression, and the relationship is genuinely two-way, then it can be considered a genuine and authentic bond.

If the relationship is based on one's own imagination and the other person rarely shares one's emotions, it is probable that one is placing excessive hope in the relationship and investing a great deal of emotional capital in the other person.

It is my hope that you will undertake an introspective examination of your own heart and analyze the problem from an objective point of view.

First, identify the reasons for the inconsistencies in your statements, examine your own feelings and emotions, and gain an objective understanding of the situation.

Secondly, it is important to ascertain your feelings towards him. Are they aligned with the definition of love, or do they align more closely with the definition of like?

Ultimately, the extent to which the other person responds to you is indicative of whether the relationship is one-sided or two-way.

It is my contention that you have indeed reached a conclusion.

Irrespective of the outcome, it is crucial to adopt a proactive and constructive approach to navigating the future. Manage your relationship with him in a manner that fosters personal growth and aligns with objective reality.

In any emotional relationship, there should be no burden or coercion.

One must approach the situation with an open mind and accept the outcome as it is.

Support those who are sensitive, conflicted, and kind. I'm Jia Jia.

First of all, I'm not sure about your age and whether you're still studying or working. I think that as you get older and your social circle expands, you will find your ideal heterosexual partner. At the moment, it may just be limited by what's going on around you or the influence of your studies or work, which restricts you to the feelings and interactions of your close girlfriends.

This might also be a factor. It would be good for you to broaden your horizons and look outward.

Second, just because you feel this way about this girl doesn't mean you can't have a close, interdependent relationship with other women. You said you like her hugs and that she talks to you first. Have you had similar feelings and interactions with other women?

I'm not sure if this is a new feeling for you.

If it's your first time, I think it's normal. Between girls, if they like each other and are close and dependent on each other, it's understandable to a certain extent.

Third and finally, it's important to focus on your own needs. Think about whether your need for attention is to satisfy a certain emotional need of yours. If you were replaced by a guy you liked, would you be just as excited, entangled, and nervous?

What's your love plan? Summarize and plan your time and energy well, plan your limited time well, do urgent and meaningful things, and moderately reduce the time you spend with your best friend. This will be beneficial to your mutual progress.

What are your thoughts on this?

I hope this helps. You can find me on WeChat: 假模贾样的青年 (ID: qingnianJIA2020). I look forward to staying in touch.

One Psychology Q&A Hall is a great community where we support each other and have fun. You can find it here: https://m.xinli001.com/qa