How to maintain independence in a passionate love affair?

There's a mismatch between getting to know your match and spending your own time. Both compete for time, and it's hard to balance them.

We may feel overwhelmed if we try to do two or more things at once.

We want to get to know our match, so we spend time chatting with them. But I wonder if there are other ways to get to know each other besides online chatting, such as meeting offline, going out to dinner together, etc. Face-to-face communication is also more efficient. Or you can also try voice communication.

You can also get to know your match while doing what you like.

Also, we should be kinder to ourselves. Meeting someone you like is a good thing. So even if we pause, we can start again. At this stage, it's also good to understand our own anxieties.

It's so important to ask yourself: are your feelings for him love, or are they a lack of companionship and dependence? We're all used to thinking that temporary initiative is love, but it's so important to really understand what you're feeling.

But what will happen to you both when the initiative is gone and the desire to share is lost?

Blind dating is a great way to find love in the current Internet social environment. It's a direct emotional matching model where everyone puts their innermost thoughts and requirements on the table, which can solve a lot of ineffective socializing. However, in many cases, both parties to a blind date do not have a good understanding of themselves, which can make it a bit tricky.

So, after meeting, it can make you feel a little emotional.

Everyone has their own unique emotions and perceptions, and everyone's way of looking at love is different. That's what makes it so special! Love is a very magical thing. It is clearly impossible to define, yet it is everywhere.

It's not that if he's nice, you two should get together. Love is not about possession; it's more about the suitability of the two parties. Everyone has their own good and bad sides, and love means accepting both.

Before we met, I wasn't looking to be reformed in love. My love for you is because I love you, not because you are my love.

In the construction of love, it's important to remember that any kind of idea of wanting to change oneself for the other person or change the other person is an infringement of love. Love is always a matter of oneself, but just happen to have met the one who loves oneself!

If two people truly love each other, they don't need to be together all the time. It's okay if you need to talk constantly to maintain your relationship. But if one partner loses interest, it's over.

In a relationship, it's so important to have each other's backs. You met each other to live your best lives, not to slowly lose yourself in worry.

Before you jump into a relationship, it's really important to think about what you want. Are you looking for love, or are you just looking for a friend? And is your current life the life you want to be living?

The person you're looking for is someone who will love you unconditionally, or someone who can influence each other in a relationship. It's so important to remember that you're worthy of love and that you don't need to lose yourself in a relationship. An unequal relationship just isn't sustainable.

It's so important to be sure about marriage before you get too involved. You never know what the next person you meet will be like. If you don't have a clear perception, it is easy to fall into the entanglement of meeting.

Love is always about giving, not about taking.

Hello.

You need to see your problem, sweetheart. It's not about talking more often. You need to learn to be independent. You have an unmet need. You want to be seen and heard. When he responds to you positively, you drop what you should be doing or want to do and chat with him.

You must recognize your feelings and needs.

You want to be seen and heard, but you don't want to lose your life because of it. This is easy to fix!

Tell him you're going to complete something now/later and chat later. Ask him if you can chat if you have any questions, such as about a book you can't read or unfamiliar work content.

This problem will be solved! He will understand you. You have your own things you want to do. You really like the things you care about. The people you want to be with will support you.

❤️Be self-affirming, accept yourself, and be content with yourself.

Honey, this phenomenon is actually quite common. Most people, before they grow up, will give up the things they like to do and chat with people. You are not alone in this.

And there's nothing wrong with it (●°u°●)! We've seen our own problems, so we know we're good and valuable even if no one sees us or recognizes us.

We can write our own self-affirming diary, write down our own thoughts, and affirm ourselves and satisfy ourselves. We just have to do it ourselves.

These are the recommended books.

Boost your self-affirmation and self-worth with Embrace Your Awesome Self, Be Thankful for Your Imperfections, and Talk to Your Other Self.

The boundary category is "The Third Alternative" and "Self-Boundary."

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to you. The world and I love you!

Greetings,

The host

A careful reading of the post reveals a certain confusion on the part of the author. However, it is also evident that the author has demonstrated courage in expressing his confusion and has sought assistance on the platform. This will undoubtedly facilitate a deeper understanding of the author's own perspective and that of the relationship.

In this section, I will present my observations and thoughts on the original post, which I hope will assist the original poster in developing a more nuanced understanding of their current situation.

1. Should one's heart or one's reason be the guiding force?

The question posed by the questioner, namely, "How do you maintain independence in a relationship?" is a particularly intriguing topic.

It is evident that the original poster has also observed her own feelings, which include a desire to engage in independent activities and converse with others. This sentiment is likely shared by individuals in romantic relationships.

In the present circumstances, our hearts urge us to engage in intermittent conversation, while our rationality indicates the necessity for a certain degree of independence.

Given the prevalence of the notion that a certain degree of independence is necessary, the question arises as to whether one should follow one's heart or one's reason in this situation.

I will begin by offering my personal opinion, which the host may find useful as a reference point. When one is in love, I believe it is possible to temporarily relinquish a degree of independence in order to follow one's heart and experience the feelings that love brings.

As the relationship matures, the initial excitement and intimacy of the honeymoon period will gradually subside, or there will be a shift in the dynamics of the relationship. At this stage, it may be beneficial to reflect on the level of closeness in the relationship and consider the importance of maintaining one's individual identity and autonomy. Only through experiencing and navigating this phenomenon of "losing oneself" can we truly understand the value of maintaining our independence and developing a sense of self-reliance.

2. One may attempt to establish a designated period for independent communication.

During the process of being in love, there may be numerous instances when the object of one's affection is repeatedly present in one's thoughts. This is a normal phenomenon. At such times, one may temporarily cease thinking about the object of one's affections, interrupt one's train of thought, and engage in activities that are not related to the object of one's affections.

The topic was discussed at the time, but no further action was taken. It is now necessary to pursue our own interests effectively in order to enhance our attractiveness and appeal to our partner, which will facilitate the growth of the relationship.

It is essential to disengage from one's thoughts and reorient oneself to reality. This enables the preservation of time for individual pursuits and autonomy.

3. One can exert influence over others, but one cannot alter their fundamental nature.

As observed in the aforementioned post, the poster indicated that she possesses the ability to influence him and that he may potentially undergo a gradual transformation for the better. While this is a possibility, the determining factor lies within him. Does he possess the motivation to alter his current state? Does he adhere to his own standards, holding fast to the belief that they represent absolute truth? It is possible that the poster requires a gradual process of understanding and getting to know him.

When one falls in love, the motivation is not to save the object of one's affection, but rather to love them. Even if one desires to save that person, it is ultimately up to them whether they are willing to accept that help.

Furthermore, it is important to consider that saving someone may require significant time, energy, and stamina, and it is essential to be able to withstand the constant drain. This is a crucial aspect that the host should contemplate before marriage.

It is important to note that this observation is not intended to imply that the other person will necessarily exhibit these characteristics, but rather to provide a reference point for consideration.

From a pragmatic perspective, it would be prudent to ascertain whether this individual is a suitable partner for you.

Ultimately, it is my sincere hope that these words have provided some degree of inspiration to the original poster. I am Zeng Chen, a certified psychosynthesis coach.

Hello, I can see you're confused.

You met a boy through a friend and talked for more than 10 days, but he wasn't your type.

You feel that the other person has shortcomings that you cannot accept. Perhaps you can influence them to become better.

You want to give both parties more time to get to know each other before making a decision.

I want to chat but also do my own thing. I feel like I should do my own thing, but I'm not sure if I should keep a little distance from the other person. I'm torn.

You're a wise, intelligent girl who knows what she wants and is aware of her feelings.

Why do you care so much about being motivated?

You're motivated, but not very much.

You're not satisfied with this part of yourself. You don't accept it. You feel unmotivated.

You project this part of yourself onto others and demand that they do it. When the other person says they are not motivated either, you feel bad.

It's hard to change someone else by yourself.

You plan to give each other more time and try to influence each other to become better motivated. Then you'll make plans.

It's good to give each other time to get to know each other. But if you want to change the other person, you'll probably be disappointed.

If you don't accept yourself, you won't accept your partner.

Instead of trying to change the other person, accept yourself.

You'll see the real other person and have a chance to work together.

Don't lose yourself for anyone.

You realize you want some space.

You're not wrong to feel this way. Respect and trust your feelings.

Follow your heart and tell the other person what you need and think. Don't worry if they misunderstand. Someone who loves you will respect your choice.

Tell your partner you have unfinished business and will be away for a while. We'll contact you when I'm done.

Being honest helps your relationship.

Ten days is short. Give each other more time to get to know and understand each other. Accept yourself before you can accept the other person. Then you'll have a good relationship.

Best wishes!

Hello! I'm Kimu the Little Angel, and I'm so excited to help you!

At first glance, the title of the question [We've been chatting a lot recently. How do you maintain your independence in a relationship?], I thought the questioner was so caught up in the romance of being in love that they were worried they were being taken advantage of.

Then, when I read the main text below, I was thrilled to discover that the problem the OP is facing is quite different from the title!

The first thing I need to tell the questioner is that they're already on a great path! They're not yet in the passionate love stage, but they've already established that they want to get to know each other better.

Questioner, Questioner's ideal type, and a portrait of the types of men she meets

Questioner:

She's a funny girl who loves life and wants to make it warm and cozy for herself. She enjoys cooking and doing handicrafts, and she's not one to plan too far ahead. She's happy to live in the moment and is motivated to make the most of her life.

Questioner's ideal type:

I'm looking for a funny guy who's ready to have some fun in life, share a little warmth, and build a long-term relationship with someone who's motivated.

Blind date guy:

Mature, rational, not motivated, rather lazy.

Based on the questioner's description of his own type, ideal type, and type of blind date guy, as well as the questioner's current vague sense of dependence and curiosity, we can see that there are a few things that could use some attention:

1. The questioner is open to new possibilities and isn't tied down to a specific ideal type. While the blind date might not align perfectly with their ideal type, there's a chance for something exciting to happen! The questioner seems to have a natural inclination towards the blind date, which could be a great starting point for something new.

2. The questioner probably doesn't know what he really wants, but that's okay!

Let's dive into the current problem!

It's only been 10 days since they met on a blind date, and he's already losing control! He's chatting with her frequently and worrying about things he doesn't like. But he's getting involved, and that's the exciting part!

Here's some great advice for you, questioner!

I don't know the questioner's past romantic experiences, but I'm guessing based on the available information that they may be the type of person who tries to please others. This is great because it means they're open to new experiences and willing to adapt. Based on this situation, the advice for the questioner is:

1. Give the relationship a price progress bar

It's a great idea to divide the relationship into five stages and take each step as it comes!

1) First encounter

So, you've gone on a blind date, met someone online, or been introduced by a friend. Either way, you've just met someone new and are about to embark on a thrilling adventure! While there might be a few hiccups at the start, as long as there's nothing too off-putting, the relationship can only get better from here. The key is to give the other person a little something extra, based on your first impression. Whether it's a great feeling or a not-so-great feeling, it might lead to a few hiccups along the way. But, if you keep that initial feeling in check, you'll be on the fast track to a fantastic relationship!

I'd like to introduce you to a fascinating concept:

The first impression you make on someone is so important! It plays a dominant role in the mind of the other person and is not easily changed.

So some people, when they first meet or come into contact with someone, exaggerate the beneficial or harmful effects of the place on them due to the primacy effect, which can easily make someone lose their mind – but it can also lead to some pretty amazing experiences!

2) Getting used to each other

This stage is really important! It's a great chance for people who want to get in touch with each other to get to know each other better through lots of chatting, dating, and spending time together. This helps them figure out if they're the right person for each other. It's also important to remember that the effect of the first cause and effect should be minimized as much as possible, and the advantages or disadvantages of the other person's heart should be understood as objectively as possible. This helps people get along with each other peacefully. At the same time, it's good to keep an eye out for any possible pretenses or manipulations. It's also important to remember that even if there's a good feeling and enthusiasm at this stage, attention should be paid to the lack of a sense of ritual and the lack of a confirmed romantic relationship. It's easy to get lost if you cross the line, so it's important to be careful!

3) Confession

Confirming a romantic relationship is a sacred matter that requires a sense of ritual. Some people start a relationship with someone without knowing what kind of relationship they have, which is a great way to keep things exciting and fresh!

Until you formally declare your love and accept the declaration, you're not officially in a romantic relationship. Some girls are bold enough to be kissed, cuddled, and lifted high during the trial period. It's a thrilling time and an exciting step!

4) Being in love

Once you've confirmed the relationship, it's time to see if your partner is still treating you as well as before and if you're getting to know each other better. This is the stage where you can really appreciate each other and grow together! If you notice any problems, don't wait to communicate them. Deal with them proactively and avoid any regrets!

5) Long-lasting love

When two people have come out of the honeymoon period and things have started to settle down, it's time to consider getting married! This is when things really start to get exciting. When you can still appreciate each other and take the initiative to create romance, and you want to accompany each other all the way, it's a great sign that your relationship is going to last.

The questioner can reasonably allocate the time and affection they invest according to these five stages, so that their relationship can go on steadily and lastingly, rather than being as fleeting as a flash in the pan as it is now.

If you have any other questions about intimate relationships, please don't hesitate to ask!

Good day. I am Coach Fly, and I extend my gratitude for your willingness to share your narrative.

The conflict and confusion in your heart are evident. On the one hand, you desire a companion with whom you can converse, confide, and engage in occasional flirtation. However, on the other hand, you are concerned that he does not align with your ideal romantic partner and hope to find a more suitable match.

"It's tasteless to eat, but a pity to throw away" more accurately reflects your current emotional state.

Let us provide you with a comforting embrace and assist you in identifying the source of your distress.

Love is a wonderful, worthwhile experience that is well worth waiting for and embracing. However, it is important to recognize that love and marriage are two distinct concepts.

Love can be defined as a sentiment that is exclusively romantic in nature, whereas marriage is a union that encompasses not only romantic attachment but also a practical, day-to-day life together, encompassing both positive and negative experiences.

The process of marriage necessitates three distinct phases of adjustment. These include the modification of each individual's interests and hobbies, the alteration of their respective living habits, and the integration of their families or clans.

The process of marriage necessitates three distinct phases of adjustment. These include the modification of each partner's interests and hobbies, the alteration of their respective living habits, and the integration of their families or clans.

The underlying motivation for initiating communication with one's partner is often driven by psychological needs, such as the desire to be liked, seen, affirmed, and accepted by the opposite sex. Additionally, the hope of gaining recognition from the opposite sex and the desire for a relationship and a family may also play a role.

The motivation behind initiating communication with one's partner can be attributed to the fulfillment of psychological needs. These include the desire to be liked, seen, affirmed, and accepted by the opposite sex; the aspiration to gain recognition from the opposite sex; and the longing for a relationship and a family.

In the initial stages of a romantic relationship, it is not uncommon for individuals to experience a "halo effect," whereby they perceive their partner's attributes to be exceptionally positive, while overlooking their shortcomings.

Your idealistic expectations regarding the future development of your relationship and the practical challenges of marriage have led to a state of entanglement and internal conflict. This is a commendable quality. It is often said that "a woman's IQ is 0 in love." This implies that emotional factors may override rational thinking, potentially leading to a loss of direction and self-awareness.

It is recommended that the aforementioned expectations be maintained.

As someone who has experienced this situation, I offer the following advice:

As someone who has experienced this situation, I offer the following advice:

1. Approach the form of arranged marriage rationally.

Despite the assertion that "any relationship without the intention of marriage is a sham," it is nevertheless the case that the two individuals are engaged in the act of dating. Consequently, they are lacking in understanding of each other, and thus require the opportunity to "date" in order to gain a deeper comprehension of one another and ascertain the potential for further development of their relationship.

If the other person is a suitable conversational partner, it may be beneficial to allow time for mutual acquaintance. It is important to maintain an open and honest dialogue regarding shared objectives, mutual respect, and the capacity to interact as mature adults. In essence, it may be advantageous to initially establish a foundation of friendship and observe the subsequent developments.

2. It is advisable to have high expectations for a marriage based on love.

A perfect relationship is comprised of three essential elements: intimacy, passion, and commitment. A happy marriage requires consistent nurturing and care. Even if an enviable couple is not formed naturally, it cannot be separated from the joint efforts, joint management, and maintenance of both parties.

Mr. Qian Zhongshu and Ms. Yang Jiang demonstrated mutual respect and trust, and they complemented each other. It is possible to learn from the experiences of others, including both their mistakes and their successes.

A favorable relationship is not a spontaneous occurrence; rather, it is a conscious endeavor. It is imperative to refrain from hasty judgments and premature labeling of a prospective partner as "not my type." Similarly, it is unwise to adopt an indiscriminate approach and immediately engage with the first individual who presents themselves.

A beneficial relationship is not a spontaneous occurrence; rather, it necessitates a proactive approach. It is unwise to hastily categorize a potential partner as "not my type," and it is similarly ill-advised to be indiscriminate and say, "Whatever you get into the basket is fine."

One can engage in a reflective process to ascertain one's genuine desires. This may entail contemplating whether the motivation for social interaction is merely to find a partner for casual conversation or if the intention is to pursue a more profound connection with the potential for a romantic relationship.

If one has considered the matter carefully and determined that the other person is not one's ideal type and that maintaining a distance is the preferred course of action, the answer is, in fact, always within one's own self.

It is my sincere hope that the aforementioned advice will prove beneficial to you. I extend my warmest regards to you, and wish you well.

Should you wish to continue the dialogue, you are invited to click on the link marked "Find a coach" in the upper right-hand corner or at the bottom of the page. This will enable us to communicate and grow together as one-to-one partners.

Should you wish to continue the dialogue, you are invited to click on the link labelled "Find a coach" in the top right-hand corner or at the bottom of the page. I will then proceed to communicate and grow with you on an individual basis.

In the past ten days, you have probably learned a lot about each other and have a general idea of his personality. At the same time, you have some concerns, but you're excited to see how his weaknesses and shortcomings will make you feel.

Even if the other person isn't your ideal type, you're still excited to give it a try! You've been laughing and talking for days, and it's making you feel hopeful. At the same time, you're both independent people, and you're excited to keep it that way.

Absolutely! You can definitely set aside some time to be independent. Agree on a time when you are more comfortable chatting, and let them know that you will be doing something important during certain times in the next few days. Whether it's shopping, studying, working, doing housework, or something you like to do, they'll understand!

If the other person is really mature and rational, they will definitely understand your feelings. You have already defined yourself as a funny girl, and you are also relatively carefree and positive inside, with weak motivation. The other person's motivation is also weak, and the two sides are so similar, but you seem to desire for him to have stronger motivation.

These are the usual working attitudes that can be learned after face-to-face contact. It is recommended that the two people still view their own world through an appreciative lens, so that they can have a better experience, and face each other's strengths and weaknesses with an ordinary heart. Love also focuses on experience, which is a great thing!

ZQ?