How to overcome the influence of negative experiences caused by the inability to control ruminative thinking?

Dear reader, I empathize with your situation. When confronted with disagreeable experiences, particularly those that evoke feelings of anger and helplessness, they can burden the mind with a sense of overwhelming distress, leaving one feeling drained. It is a common psychological phenomenon for the brain to unconsciously replay such scenes repeatedly.

However, when this state of mind persists and impacts one's life, it becomes necessary to implement strategies to address it.

Ruminating, defined as the act of constantly reviewing and replaying negative experiences, is a self-protective mechanism that attempts to find a solution to the problem through repetition. However, it can lead to emotional distress and psychological burden. This habit of thinking may trap an individual in a vicious cycle of constantly reviewing negative experiences. Not only does it fail to solve the problem, but it may also exacerbate emotional distress and affect daily life.

One's feelings, anger, and irritability are all indications of underlying emotional states. They signal the need for attention and indicate the presence of emotions that require understanding and resolution.

The body and mind send signals indicating a need for action to reduce the burden and restore calm.

The initial step in addressing these negative emotions is to become aware of one's emotional state.

In instances of anger and powerlessness, individuals may inquire as to the underlying needs that manifest as these emotions. Similarly, when experiencing agitation and irritability, it is beneficial to examine the factors that contribute to these feelings.

What factors contribute to feelings of irritability?

Awareness represents the initial stage of change. In instances where an individual's personality is observed to become increasingly irritable, even to the extent of affecting their normal work and daily life, it becomes necessary to learn to reconcile with their emotions.

One may attempt to quietly observe their emotions and allow them to come and go freely. Alternatively, one may seek outlets for their emotions and release them through activities such as sports, writing, and other means.

Furthermore, chaotic thoughts and negative emotions can be integrated and released through role-playing and self-dialogue. Distraction is another effective method for coping with distressing thoughts and emotions. When ruminative thinking resumes, deep breathing and focusing on the present rather than on unpleasant memories can be beneficial.

Requesting assistance is an indication of fortitude, not vulnerability. When confronted with distress, it is possible to seek counsel from loved ones and friends.

It is essential to provide an outlet for emotions and to seek assistance in alleviating the distress and obstructions that they may cause.

Emotions are an inherent aspect of human existence. They serve as a reflection of one's inner self and a catalyst for personal growth. To achieve a life of peace and harmony, it is essential to cultivate an awareness of one's emotions, accept them, let them go, and ultimately reconcile with them.

It is imperative to recognize one's capacity to alter the status quo and enhance their quality of life. It is essential to collectively embark on the initial step towards a more constructive and salutary existence.

Every effort should be acknowledged, and every instance of exertion should be respected. Feedback, attention, and praise serve not only as forms of recognition but also as incentives.

Such feedback can be likened to spring rain nourishing the heart, thereby providing additional motivation to pursue excellence and create value.

It is recommended that the reader consult the following text: "The Power of Emotions."

Hello! It can be tough to let go of negative experiences. You might find yourself replaying scenes and feeling angry or powerless about what happened to you. But here's the good news: you can break this cycle! External stimuli can have a lasting effect because you direct your aggression at yourself. This means you might think it's your fault that you were unable to prevent or stop the bad things. You might even think you were unable to defend your rights or self-esteem.

As you can see, these emotions can build up if they aren't released. But don't worry! You can overcome them by doing something that will make you feel better.

I think many people have experienced feelings of anger, injustice, and even a desire for "revenge" brought on by negative experiences. The good news is that some people are able to resolve these emotions in a relatively short period of time and do not direct their anger/aggression at themselves.

However, if we have a negative self-image and closely associate other people's attitudes, behaviors, and comments with our sense of worth, we will doubt ourselves based on the color and actions of others—and that's an easy trap to fall into!

For example, it is indeed unpleasant to encounter people cutting in line. But here's the good news: you can choose to focus on the quality of the person cutting in line, the surrounding atmosphere/culture, or more broadly speaking, education/rules, rather than the person being cut in line. You can even express your dissatisfaction and ask the person cutting in line to wait in line! And if you fail to stop the other person's uncivilized behavior, it does not mean that you are incompetent.

Society is far from perfect, and unfair or disgusting things happen all the time. But we can judge and choose how to respond based on law, morality, and humaneness! We can't control everything, but we can control how we respond to situations. I have personally experienced several situations where "there is no way to protect your rights," and of course I get angry and sometimes feel helpless. But uncertain, uncontrollable, and unpredictable things will inevitably happen. We still have to focus on our own lives, especially those things that we can actually control and bring positive experiences!

When you get caught up in rumination, you can set a mental "stop" mechanism for yourself, and then put yourself in the position of an observer, asking yourself: What really unpleasant thing has passed, and what kind of life do I want now? What can I do for myself now? You can also try some specific activities to distract you, such as things that require manual dexterity: tidying up (断舍离), baking, calligraphy. These activities are a great way to take your mind off things and focus on the present!

And there's more! Building your social circle, learning new things, and getting back to nature all help you focus on the present and reduce those annoying, obsessive thoughts about the past.

I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

It is true that the accumulation of negative things can have a more and more serious impact on ourselves. Therefore, it may be helpful to consider ways of channeling and transforming our negative emotions. With regard to our rumination, it can be beneficial to realise that they are just thoughts, and that we don't have to follow them or agree with them. Allowing them to come and flow can be a helpful approach. Over time, they may lose their influence on us. Living with a positive attitude can be a way of fostering a sense of well-being.

If I might offer you a suggestion, it would be this:

It might be helpful to remember that our thoughts are just thoughts and ideas are just ideas. While it's not necessary to control our thoughts, it can be beneficial to recognize that we have the ability to choose our thoughts.

It is important to remember that it is normal for us to have some negative thoughts and ideas. However, we do not have to get caught up in them, because we are a greater being than our thoughts and ideas. If thoughts and ideas are like clouds in the sky, then we are the vast blue sky above the clouds.

It can be helpful to remember that thoughts are just thoughts and that they are not a reflection of who we are. This allows us to observe our thoughts without identifying with them. Like clouds flowing across the sky, we can allow our thoughts to come and go without getting caught up in them. With practice, we can find that this approach doesn't drain us and allows us to maintain a sense of calm amidst the chaos of our thoughts.

Perhaps it would be helpful to remember that we are the masters of our thoughts, and that we can choose to take back control. We can choose our thoughts, so let's choose positive thoughts. These thoughts can bring us good feelings and positive experiences, and in turn bring about more positive emotions and states.

It's important to remember that emotions are not suppressed, nor do they erupt. Instead, they need to be channeled and transformed in a timely manner.

From your description, it seems that you may have a tendency to suppress your feelings and needs in relationship conflicts. As a result of this, you may find that your personality is becoming more and more irritable, and you become very irritable and angry over trivial matters. This is because we have too many emotions inside that need to be cleared and channeled. We can use some effective ways to help ourselves channel.

For instance, you might consider expressing your needs and feelings directly when conflicts arise in the future. When you can express yourself, even if the other person does not change, you may find that you feel much more relaxed. You could also look for the right person to talk to, someone in your life who can understand and accept you. Professional psychological counselors and psychological listeners can provide acceptance and understanding, support and encouragement, which could bring you warmth and strength. You might like to try keeping an emotional diary. Writing can also have a healing power. If you write often, your emotions may flow out through the words, which could help you to achieve a sense of self-integration. You might like to persist in mindfulness meditation. Meditation can improve brain function, enhance frontal lobe function, and help us maintain a stable emotional state.

3. You may find that living with mindfulness and in the present moment helps you to feel more relaxed.

It might be helpful to consider that the reason there are so many thoughts in the mind is because we tend to follow these thoughts either back to the past or to the future, rather than staying in the present. It could be beneficial to remember that the reality of life is in the present. It may be the case that the only thing we can truly control is also the present. It's important to accept that the past cannot be changed, and that the future is created by each moment.

If you notice that your thoughts have returned to the past, you might consider gently encouraging yourself to refocus on the present moment. This could involve taking a few deep breaths, reading, writing, eating, or sleeping. When we can live in the present, our thoughts tend to become more straightforward and pure, and we may find that distracting thoughts become less frequent.

You may find it helpful to read "Jump Out of Your Head and Into Your Life" and "An Eight-Week Mindfulness Journey."

Please feel free to refer to this information as needed. Wishing you the best!

Hello! From reading your words, I can tell that your life is full of wonderful experiences, but also some challenges. Most of the time, it is due to external events that give you the chance to grow and learn, and some of it is out of your control.

I'm excited to help you! I'll be analyzing the root cause of your distress and how to eliminate it from a psychodynamic perspective.

Ruminating stems from the fascinating defense mechanisms of repression, rationalization, and self-attack.

Emotions are a form of energy that always need an outlet to be released. If they cannot be released, they will accumulate, and when the load becomes too heavy, it will lead to emotional overload and damage our mental health. From your description, it seems that you are prone to rumination, which means that you try to rationalize and think about ways to deal with emotions and feelings that you cannot release.

Let's say you're cut in line or treated unfairly. If you don't express your anger and defend your rights in time, you'll feel a complex range of emotions inside, such as resentment, anger, sadness, and self-blame. But here's the good news: you can digest these feelings and stop the vicious cycle of rumination!

So, you will try to digest these feelings by repeatedly thinking, reviewing, and attributing. This is caught in rumination.

During the process of rumination, you may find yourself attacking and condemning yourself for not being brave enough to express your anger. This is your mind playing tricks on you! You are not being timid or incompetent. You are strong and capable. You can overcome these negative thoughts and feelings.

So the more you reflect, the more negative emotions you will have, the more difficult it will be psychologically, and the more you will reflect. This forms a vicious cycle of rumination. But don't worry! There is a way out.

Ready to stop rumination and digest negative emotions? Let's do this!

Be aware of the source of your emotions and you'll be well on your way to feeling better!

The amazing thing about our minds is that they can bring up past traumas from early childhood and make us think that current events are causing us pain.

When we show a high degree of emotional susceptibility to certain events, it's a great opportunity to think about why these things make us feel such strong emotional feelings. From your description, it seems that you are more likely to feel ignored, disempowered, treated unfairly, and unable to express your feelings well. This is something you can work on!

It's time to explore your past! Think about whether this emotional pattern existed when you were young and what experiences shaped it. When you are cut in line, it's possible that the emotional experience of being ignored and exploited as a child is activated.

It can be really painful, but you can get through it! If this happens, try to distinguish between what's going on now and your feelings from childhood. Don't dwell on being cut in line — focus on comforting the neglected and exploited child within.

2. It's time to stop attacking yourself and start learning to express your anger!

When you are not treated fairly and fail to express your anger in time, it's time to learn to comfort yourself instead of attacking and blaming yourself! You can do it! Tell yourself that it may be some traumatic experiences in your early years that have made you lack the strength to express your feelings, and it is not because you are incompetent. You are stronger than you think!

I can do this! I just need to give myself time to heal slowly and learn to express my feelings slowly. Once I learn to forgive myself and rescue myself from the quagmire of self-blame, I'll have the strength to express my anger.

For example, when you are cut in line, first reassure yourself that it is not because you are weak or incompetent that you are being bullied. Everyone has encountered being cut in line before, and everyone feels uncomfortable when it happens to them. It is only natural to feel this way. But you can choose to feel empowered! You can decide whether to stop the other person or let them go.

In any case, when a similar incident happens to you, it is definitely not because you are incompetent—it's because you're learning and growing!

3. Look for someone you can talk to about your emotions and let it all out!

Once you express your emotions, you'll feel a world of relief! And the same goes for your thoughts. If something unfair happens, you can vent to a good friend and let it all out.

Absolutely! You can also seek help from a professional psychological counselor.

I'm Zhang Xianli, your counselor. I'm so excited to help you! The world and I love you!

Hello!

I totally get how rumination can bring on such negative emotions. I've been there, so I'm sending you some comments I've found helpful.

I totally get where you're coming from with the rumination. It's basically when you keep thinking about negative experiences and emotions and then you start doubting your abilities and self-worth.

I know that when you say you're repeating things over and over in your head to try to find answers, you're really just trying to experience that feeling of anger and powerlessness.

However, the good news is that we can break this cycle! Because self-doubt, anxiety, and anger ultimately only rest on rumination,

It's totally normal to feel this way sometimes! We all have those days where we just can't seem to get a handle on our thoughts and emotions. It might be because we lack a little bit of self-regulation, which is totally okay!

Or when they're faced with pressure and challenges, they may not have the best coping strategies or emotional regulation skills.

It's possible that relaxation techniques, meditation, etc. might make it easier for them to fall into rumination.

On top of that, when they feel lonely or lack social support, they may pay more attention to their negative emotions and experiences, which makes them more likely to engage in rumination.

It's so important to recognize when our thoughts are becoming too intense and frequent, as this can have a negative impact on our mental health. It's essential to find ways to alleviate and control these thoughts in a healthy way.

First, you've got to accept and let go of yourself, my friend.

It's totally normal to ruminate. There's no need to worry or resist it.

It's okay to accept your emotions and thoughts, and it's also okay to let go of excessive attention to them.

You can always find a way to distract yourself with something relaxing, like reading, listening to music, or going for a walk.

Secondly, you should try to think positively!

It's so important to try to look at things from a positive perspective, find solutions to problems, and believe that you can overcome difficulties.

For example, you can discover the other side of people and things from "annoying people or some injustices."

And don't forget to embrace your strengths and accept your weaknesses, understand your emotions and behaviors, and strive to become the best version of yourself that you can be!

And remember to cultivate healthy living habits!

It's so important to look after yourself! Making sure you eat well, get enough sleep and exercise regularly can really help to boost your mental health and reduce rumination.

At the same time, you can learn some really lovely relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and meditation. These can help to reduce anxiety and rumination.

And finally, don't forget to seek more social support!

It's totally okay to share your feelings and concerns with friends and family. They're there for you and can offer lots of emotional support and advice.

However, if the negative emotions of rumination thinking are affecting your daily life for a long time, we really recommend that you seek help and support from a psychologist. They will be able to provide you with more professional and specific solutions and suggestions.

We really hope this helps!

Hello, I'm Coach Yu, and I'm thrilled to discuss this topic with you!

Now, let's dive into the fascinating world of emotions! Emotions are made up of three key elements: unique subjective experiences, external manifestations, and physiological arousal. Each emotion is like a signal from within, indicating an unmet internal demand. When we miss out on a promotion or a pay rise, we feel sad. When we lose something we've cherished for years, we feel angry.

When it comes to emotions, we usually focus on the more easily identifiable and outwardly expressed ones, such as anger, pain, and self-harm. But there's so much more to explore! The more internal emotions, such as guilt, self-blame, and shame, are often overlooked, but they're just waiting to be discovered.

These emotions are often deeply buried in people's hearts, but they're not ghosts! They're just waiting to be discovered. When we tell others about them in words, they're eager to understand.

These emotions are stored away in the subconscious, and the cells of the body remember the feeling. When a similar situation is encountered, this bodily memory is activated, and the whole body feels tense, and the breathing quickens.

This is called a "complex" in psychology, or an emotional button. And the questioner's current negative emotions and somatic reactions may be triggered by this emotional button – so let's dive in and explore it together!

As the questioner wrote, it is often impossible to control the rumination, repeating it over and over in your mind, experiencing the feeling of anger and powerlessness, and finally becoming physically and mentally exhausted. But you can take control of your thoughts!

Let's try something fun! Ask yourself: What kind of thoughts come to mind when you think about those bad experiences? What kind of emotions and feelings does it bring up?

Now, think about those annoying things. What kind of thoughts do you have? And what kind of emotions and feelings do they bring up in you?

We can also try to ask ourselves what amazing things we can learn from feeling angry and powerless when we think about these things!

We can also try to ask ourselves, when thinking about these things, what are we particularly agitated and irritable about? What are we agitated about?

The good news is that awareness is the first step to making a change! As the questioner said, they have found that their personality is becoming more and more irritable, and it has even affected their normal work and life.

So, let's try to make peace with our emotions! When negative emotions arise, we can watch them without judging them. We can let them come and go freely like clouds or drift away slowly like leaves in the water. We can also try writing therapy! Writing or drawing out our anger and powerlessness allows our emotions to find an outlet and release.

We can also try using an empty chair to create a safe situation and atmosphere through role-playing and self-dialogue. This is a great way to connect past events with our current state of mind and allow chaotic thoughts to undergo conscious integration, so that negative emotions can be released.

We can also learn to distract ourselves, especially from overthinking. When annoying things come to mind, try shouting "stop" at yourself, and say to yourself, "These are just my thoughts, I'm fine now." Pay attention to your breathing, open your senses, fill the gaps in your attention, and then listen to music, stretch, and so on to distract yourself. Meditation and mindfulness are also very good ways to regulate.

We allow ourselves to ruminate occasionally, to slowly accept and slowly say goodbye. You must respect the rhythm of your own emotions, and embrace the journey!

Absolutely! We can definitely ask for help. After all, if this thing is bothering you, it's not easy to overcome it immediately. So, try to find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor, because emotions must be released to relieve the heaviness and blockages in our hearts.

We can also go out more to experience the real nature, feel the birdsong and the fragrance of flowers, and feel the beautiful weather. At the same time, enrich your inner self, fill yourself through reading and sports, etc., relax your body and mind, resolve the conflicts in your heart, let go of unhappy experiences, and gain an inner understanding of yourself. This is maturity, and even more so, growth!

Bless you!

I'm so excited to recommend this book: "The Body Never Forgets"!

Good morning. I extend my best wishes to you from this distance with a warm embrace.

I am pleased to see that you have sought assistance and hope that my input will provide you with support and guidance. I also commend you for your awareness of the challenging emotions and feelings you experience due to these minor issues and for seeking help.

The past is a fixed entity. However, the present and future are subject to change. Therefore, any grievance, anger, or emotions that have not been respected, understood, or recognized due to trivial matters are not part of the past.

It is recommended that you record in writing the part of the feelings of grievance and anger that you experience because of these trivial things in life. This will help you to better perceive, experience, feel, and sort out your emotions, explore the needs hidden behind your emotions, and thus seek appropriate ways to respond to and satisfy your needs.

It is important to understand that our emotional responses are not solely dependent on the people and circumstances we encounter, but rather on our attributions and explanations of these experiences. Our attitude towards these situations plays a significant role in determining how we feel.

It is therefore crucial for you to be aware of your cognitive attribution patterns and to change those that are negative, such as "should" and "must".

My name is Lily, the Q&A Museum's resident expert on all things audio. I extend my personal regards to you and the world at large.