I always act impulsively and think too little. How should I change?

Good day. My name is Susan.

The question is illustrated by two scenarios: firstly, the impulsive purchase of superfluous materials and online courses due to the inability to progress to a higher level of education following the examination; secondly, the utilisation of a taxi service for the return journey following the driving test. In both instances, the individual in question expresses regret for not engaging in a more considered approach to decision-making.

The key terms are "regret," "remorse," and "impulse."

In light of the aforementioned scenarios, what course of action would be most prudent to pursue? If presented with the opportunity to do so, would one opt for a different decision?

In my estimation, the specific choice is inconsequential, as there is no universally applicable answer to this question. What is of greater consequence is the manner in which one makes a choice, or, in other words, the means of making better choices.

The following section will present a series of recommendations for making more informed and effective decisions.

Prior to making a decision, it is advisable to take a moment for reflection. It can be argued that emotions have the greatest influence on decision-making processes.

Prior to making any decision, it is advisable to consider the following: "Wait a minute, calm down, and do not make a hasty decision." It is hoped that all individuals will experience a reduction in the number of instances of regret.

It is advisable to broaden the scope of your options. It is not uncommon for our thinking to be subject to the "frame effect," whereby we place ourselves within a particular frame and think within it when we ask ourselves a question.

To illustrate, when one inquires of oneself, "Should I purchase the information and online course or should I take a taxi home?" the options are constrained to "purchase or not purchase" and "yes or no." All analysis and thinking are based on these two options to find an answer. However, is this the sole option available?

Are there any alternative solutions? I was unsuccessful in my attempt to gain admission to the university due to the issue of voluntary enrollment. In addition to purchasing the necessary materials, what other options are available?

I will now allow you to reflect on this question.

In considering future options, it is worthwhile to question whether these are truly the only possibilities available.

It is imperative to recognize that no individual is infallible, and that not all decisions will necessarily yield the desired results. In such instances, feelings of regret or remorse may ensue.

It is, however, acceptable to accept this outcome. The objective is to minimise the adverse effects as much as possible within the confines of what is controllable.

The following is an illustrative example:

Firstly, it is essential to identify potential risks, list them, and then state the possible consequences. This will provide a basic understanding of the situation and allow for a preliminary evaluation of the risks involved.

Secondly, it is advisable to devise a contingency plan for potential consequences, thereby ensuring the availability of an alternative course of action in the event of an adverse outcome.

It is important to note that when faced with a significant decision, few individuals will initially consider the aforementioned methods but instead hasten to reach a conclusion. Consequently, internalizing these techniques can assist in addressing challenges in a timely and effective manner, ultimately leading to better decisions.

Good morning, afternoon, and evening to you. It is inadvisable to dwell on past events; instead, focus on the present.

Hello!

Host:

I have read the post carefully, and I can feel the distress you are experiencing. I also notice that you have bravely faced your distress head-on and actively sought help on the platform, which is a great start! I'm sure you will find a method that suits you very soon.

Next, I'm excited to share my observations and thoughts from the post, which I think will really help you to look at things from a more diverse perspective!

1. Embrace your impulses!

The host made an excellent point in the post. He mentioned that you tend to act impulsively, think too little, and then easily regret and blame yourself afterwards. First of all, I fully understand how you feel, and I'm excited to help you work through it!

I think everyone has had a similar experience to this one, and I'm excited to discuss what adjustments we can make in the present!

I think the host may try to accept his own impulses, which is a great start! You may feel strange, but I know you can do it. I want to change, but why not accept it?

Sometimes, acceptance is the first step on the path to change. And it's not about accepting yourself as you are, but rather embracing the journey of transformation. Discussing this topic reminds me of an incredible acceptance story.

The protagonist of the story is a psychological counselor who realizes that she is a bit of a neat freak, but she doesn't really like cleaning. At the time, she didn't have the extra money to hire a part-time maid, but that didn't stop her!

So, if you were in this situation, what would you do? The woman in the story has embraced her quirkiness and realized that she just doesn't care for cleaning.

Once she accepted herself, she made another amazing discovery. Every time she invited friends to her house, she would clean it up very tidily beforehand. So, she invited friends to her house on Sundays first, according to this characteristic of hers.

Guess what! She cleaned the house on Saturday. She was respecting herself, and she had a great relationship too!

After reading this story, I'm excited to see if the host has been inspired in any way. Acceptance is sometimes a means to a better change, so let's keep an eye out to see what happens!

This is why it's so important to remember that the more we try to change something, the more we can't change it. It's like insomnia: the more you try to sleep, the less you can sleep. But on the contrary, when you don't want to sleep, you can fall asleep in an instant!

So, the original poster can also try to think about what else they can do after accepting their impulses to prevent themselves from doing impulsive things.

2. Awareness

Managing our emotions is all about being aware of ourselves. If we're aware of our emotions, including our anger, we can steer clear of getting carried away. But it's so important to be aware of ourselves in general!

It's like having a third perspective watching us! When we become aware that we are just starting to feel a little emotion, it's time to pay attention. We can remind ourselves to calm down and take control!

Otherwise, we could be impulsive at any moment, according to the law. So it's really important to be aware of our emotions so we can manage them!

And the more acute our ability to perceive, the more easily we can catch changes in our emotions and adjust them in time. The great news is that we can improve our ability to perceive through meditation and other methods!

3. The amazing ability to pause!

It's so easy to get carried away by our emotions! Our emotional brain is on and our rational brain is off. But don't worry, there's a simple solution. Once you become aware of your emotions, you can also try to pause.

For example, when we notice that we are about to make an impulsive purchase, we can take control! We know that according to our previous habits, we will make the purchase. But after we become aware of our emotions, we can try to pause and then leave the scene or situation.

Take a walk to remind yourself not to rush into making a decision. This might also help you in some way!

We can even agree on an action with ourselves! When we realize that we are about to lose control, we can agree with ourselves on a pause action. For example, we can use our right hand to hit our left hand and tell ourselves that this action is to remind us to pause and not to rush to make a decision for the time being.

I really hope these will be helpful and inspiring for you! My name is Zeng Chen, and I'm a Heart Exploration Plus coach. If you have any questions, you can also click to find a coach for one-on-one communication, companionship, and growth.

Everyone is a beacon, whether they know it or not. They can use words to enlighten the hearts of others. This is the energy we all share.

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun, and I understand exactly how you feel. After something has happened, you feel so much remorse that you wish you could chop off your own hand to avoid making the same mistake again next time.

Give him a pat on the head and a hug, and let's figure out what's wrong.

People are emotional creatures. It is inevitable that they will be emotional when faced with problems.

We are open to new things, we click with people immediately, and we make decisions as soon as we see something or feel something. This is how we do things, and it's how "impulsive" people do things.

He can easily regret it afterwards, feeling that he shouldn't have acted so impulsively and emotionally, that he has wasted money, and that he feels both physically and emotionally hurt.

We also have a character trait that allows us to quickly forget our "bad" things and bad experiences. This is why we "forget the pain of old wounds."

You are most likely the optimistic type of natural temperament.

A happy-go-lucky person is positive and optimistic. They see the good in everything and only remember successes, not failures. They are enthusiastic and frank, but unchanging. They do not hold a grudge if they are offended, and they are very easy to forgive and accept others.

Weaknesses: Indulges in the pleasures of the senses too easily and lacks self-control.

He believes in doing things the human way, not the rule-bound way. When making decisions in life, he is motivated above all by relationships. He craves the affirmation, praise, and approval of his significant other.

2. Here are a few tips:

(1) Be systematic. Make a plan for your study, shopping, and spending. Don't start anything blindly unless it's included in your plan.

I wait one to two days after making a decision. If I still want to maintain the original decision, I take action.

2) Take responsibility. As adults, we must take responsibility for our actions and stop blaming ourselves for things we couldn't control.

Draw conclusions from past experiences and take responsibility for yourself.

3) Happy-go-lucky types are good at making money. They just need to learn how to manage their finances. If you don't manage your finances, your finances will manage you.

Start learning from "Money Money" and "Rich Dad, Poor Dad."

I will give you a new perspective on problems so that you have more choices.

If you want to continue the conversation, click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi, and I'm as modest and self-effacing as ever!

♥One of those tricky things that many of us face from time to time.

It's fair to say that most of us are emotional beings. When we encounter things, our human instincts kick in as well as our reason. It's not that you wouldn't have considered the events you listed in your description, but that in the moment you responded more instinctively than rationally. It's only afterwards that you realised you could have done things differently.

Sometimes, life just happens! There are so many things that we don't get a chance to think about in advance. Everything is happening all at once, and it's hard to predict what we're going to do next. So, the best we can do is to think about why we react the way we do in different situations. Then, we can come up with some positive ways to think about things and make the best choices we can.

It's totally normal! We're still young and don't have the deep wisdom to face life. That makes us a bit impulsive, which is a characteristic of our age. It's okay, we'll gradually become better through our own experiences and become more calm.

I've got some tips for you to help you through the change.

❀Take three slow, deep breaths when something happens. We all know how easy it is to get emotional and lose our bearings when we encounter something that's close to our hearts. That's why it's so important to remind ourselves that when we encounter something in the future, we should take a moment to collect ourselves before making a decision. No matter what, it will be resolved in the next moment. Let's take a moment to calm down, resolve our emotions, and then resolve the matter.

❀Always try to keep a positive mental attitude. A positive mental attitude will tell us to take things slowly, not to rush, and to make decisions after analyzing the whole situation. This is actually a relatively easy way to change our current anxious state. We can give ourselves this mental reminder when we encounter things in the future, and maybe after just a few times we can get adjusted.

It can be really helpful to look at things from a future perspective. When we do this, it can help us to see that many things we find difficult to let go of seem much less significant when we think about the future. Every day, new things happen, and everything becomes the past. This can help us to feel less emotional. We just need to accept and let go, and then we can become better and better.

Wishing you all the best!

Hello!

It's so important to understand that even if we have a certain degree of self-control, if we encounter external stimuli that are too strong and exceed our tolerance, it will still disrupt our inner balance and lead to impulsive tendencies to deal with problems. That's why it's so crucial for us to constantly improve our self-awareness and balance the relationship between the outside world and ourselves.

1. [Recognize your emotional control capabilities]

From the time we're born to when we become adults, if we're lucky enough to have people in our lives who help us to understand our emotions and how they affect us, we can learn to control them. We can learn to understand our own reasonable internal needs and to balance the influence of external input. We can learn to make and integrate our own choices. Unfortunately, some people don't have this support and find it difficult to regulate their feelings and emotions. Sometimes, the root cause can be traced back to the original family, or it may be related to self-tolerance when dealing with external pressures.

Let's say, for instance, that we're on the receiving end of some criticism. It's only natural to feel a little down in the dumps, and it's okay to have a bit of a wobbly. But if we can take a moment to understand what we're feeling, we can respond to external feedback in a constructive way. We can accept the criticism, and our emotions won't get the better of us.

2. [Improve your negotiation skills in society and remain rational.

It's important to remember that being too calm or too emotional isn't healthy. We all have emotions, and it's okay to feel a range of them. But we can't stay in a constant emotional state, like a roller coaster. That can really take a toll on us mentally and emotionally. It's also easy to feel inferior because we can't always handle everything that comes our way.

However, entering society is also a gradual process of adaptation. It's totally normal! People's ability to sense the outside world and deal with problems will gradually improve through experience and accumulation. This will enhance one's social life skills and help you deal with a series of problems in life, work, and interpersonal relationships.

3. [Identify your feelings and emotions and adjust them in a timely manner.

We all want to behave rationally and correctly, but it's not always easy! There's so much information around us that it's hard to keep up. Our feelings and thoughts can get all mixed up, and we might say things we don't really mean. It's totally normal to feel a bit down after an emotional outburst. It's just important to remember that we're not alone in this, and we can always try again tomorrow.

To achieve an ideal result, it's really helpful to pay attention to our feelings and thoughts, improve our emotional regulation skills, and at the same time improve our ability to deal with external problems. When these three are in balance, it's amazing how we can regain control of ourselves and be able to express ourselves consciously!

I'm sending you lots of good luck and encouragement to keep up the great work!

Hello, question asker. I see you're feeling confused, and I'm here to help!

What you're going through is a normal part of growth. Let me give you a warm hug again.

The situation you described is something we all go through from time to time.

So, what should you do next time?

One thing you can do is avoid making any big decisions when you're feeling emotional.

If someone tries to sell you something, just say, "Let me go home and think about it."

The good thing is, you can give yourself a few days to calm down. When we calm down, we're less likely to make decisions we regret.

And there are often more than two options—there's often a third one.

For instance, you mentioned that if you don't pass the college entrance exam, private tutoring is the only option. I don't think that's the case.

You could just go to the bookstore and buy some relevant books to read at home.

So, at that time, you took a taxi in an unfamiliar environment, knowing full well that you would be ripped off, but you went with the person anyway. Maybe you saw a long line of people waiting behind you and didn't want to hold up the people waiting in line?

It's totally fine to change your mind at the last minute, even if you're already in line.

When you leave, others may not necessarily know the real reason. At most, they may just think you have other things to do and don't need a taxi.

I used to be just like you, always putting other people's needs before my own. That's why I got into so much trouble, like asking for a refund.

Now I've learned to tell myself that my own needs are the most important. I can't please others, like with performance. That's not my job.

I really hope you can get this problem sorted out soon.

I'm afraid I don't have anything more to add at this stage.

I hope my answer was helpful and inspiring. I'm the respondent, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world. Best wishes!

Good day.

You have a negative emotional response to past experiences in which you were easily influenced and wish to alter this pattern.

It appears that you are also aware of the potential for creating a self-defeating cycle.

Firstly, it is important to recognise that recklessness is often driven by a fear of being controlled.

It is possible that there has always been an internal voice encouraging you to mature and develop. You may have felt the need to work harder, be more competitive, and improve during the transition from adolescence to adulthood.

To best serve your own needs, it is essential to be aware of your requirements, accept your limitations, and address any issues with care.

Let's discuss a few points from your question.

The reason for your discontent with the 1,500 private online classes is that you do not perceive a pressing need for them.

I must confess that I am unsure as to the exact nature of the matter in question.

There is a plethora of online resources, and the content of the Yi Xin Reading Club can also facilitate further learning.

It is important to consider the price-performance ratio and other factors to ensure that the chosen option is both suitable and cost-effective.

Prior to making a purchase, you have the option to decline and are considered Party A.

In the event of being overcharged for a taxi fare, you may remind yourself to be vigilant, but you are a trusting individual. You may experience a sense of annoyance and unease, but you still choose to believe again.

Having considered the advantages of your own loveliness, let us now examine whether there are more preferable types in terms of approach.

What might result from learning to say "no"? I believe it would be liberating.

Inability to decline, resist, or object to demands or actions that violate one's rights or interests is a common phenomenon. It is as if one is constrained by an invisible force, unable to speak up. Despite being able to take a breath and speak, the individual still feels unable to articulate a clear and decisive objection.

Let us return to the topic we began with: excessive control and interference. As human beings, we are driven to love and be loved, and we are constantly learning to do so. However, the role model at home is demonstrating poor practices.

In addition to reading relevant literature, one of the most effective methods for learning to say "no" is through the guidance of a qualified psychological counselor.

The drama "Female Psychologist" has a unit that explores "learning to say no" in some depth. This demonstrates that learning to say no is an important topic in contemporary social interactions.

It is important to maintain principles while interacting with others. Rejecting any potential relationships outright is not the solution. Instead, it is essential to be flexible and give gentle hints over time.

Have confidence in your abilities and allow yourself additional time to adjust to the evolving version of yourself.

My name is 3cats, a psychological author on the 1psych platform with a specialization in family therapy.

Hello, question owner! It's like meeting you in person!

I can feel the regret the questioner feels after making a decision. I give the questioner a warm hug. Growth requires twists and turns. Look back and review, and you will improve!

The questioner acts impulsively. What attracts the questioner to make impulsive decisions? The questioner thinks too little. Has the questioner reviewed their previous actions?

It's about finding a quick fix for a problem or goal that hasn't been achieved. If someone can read them or understand the problem, they'll focus on solving it, not on the cost or effectiveness.

People often make impulsive decisions about such things. I usually ask myself three questions before doing something:

1. Does this method make sense?

2. Compare it with similar problems, like taxi prices. Choose the best option.

3. If you do something you can't handle, it will be unsafe, and you'll give up.

Reviewing is a good method. After each review, you can review the good and bad aspects of your work. For the good, keep improving; for the bad, learn from it. This will make you better at what you do.

I'm a Zen tea for life. I hope my answer helps. Best wishes!