I am 24 years old and I just found out that my mother has bad character. How should I face this situation?

Hello, questioner!

From what you've told me, it seems like you first realized at 24 that your mom is a person with limited knowledge and a tendency to look down on others. I can imagine it's been tough to accept. You may have once thought your mom was perfect, but now you feel like she's not quite so perfect, which has a big impact on your perception and makes you feel pretty uncomfortable. I get it.

As parents, they're not perfect, and that's okay! We all have our own unique experiences that shape who we are. Parents often gain valuable insights from their original families and educational backgrounds, which influence their perceptions and behaviors.

As you mentioned, your mother came from the bottom and now despises the bottom. Perhaps she was affected during the process of her being at the bottom, so she may have become the kind of person she despises. You may think your mother is unbelievable, but I'm sure she has had some pretty tough experiences.

It's okay, you don't know, so don't judge.

I know it can be hard to hear, but your mother may have learned this way of acting from her own mother. It's not easy to change these things, but I'm here to support you.

This is just how mothers are! And what you don't like, your mom probably didn't like either, but she suffered because of it, so she's just like that.

It might be tough to change your mom, since these are just her perceptions. But if she realizes and wants to change, she can do it! It's just a matter of time.

I just wanted to suggest that you can dislike some of your mother's behavior, but that you respect her all the same. As for changing your mother, it might take a lot of effort to make her aware of it first, and then she'll have to decide whether or not to change.

As for your mom's advice, you can choose whether or not to do it.

I really hope this is useful to you! Warm regards!

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your inquiry. Best regards, [Name] [Title]

In the event that you ascertain that your mother is a morally reprehensible individual, how should you proceed? Let us collaborate to resolve this matter.

From the aforementioned description, it is evident that your mother seeks your approval and aims to impart her life experience to you. This represents her personal philosophy of life, which you do not endorse.

When you disapprove, she will respond with a lack of warmth and a tendency to be aggressive, attempting to elicit submission from you. You, in turn, seek to gain your mother's approval and, by extension, influence her behavior.

It entails a power struggle between the controller and the controlled, and it also signifies that you are still in a symbiotic relationship with your mother and have not achieved a state of separation from her as an adult.

Coexistence implies a state of mutuality, akin to the intimacy of a fetus in utero. Conversely, a healthy separation entails the recognition of individual autonomy and equality.

When neither you nor your mother are aware of this state, you both seek to exert control over the other person and force them to accept your perceptions and ideas.

Her mother's approach to interpersonal relationships may be related to her experiences, such as deferring to authority figures, viewing those in subordinate roles with disdain, and being unable to accept constructive feedback. These are her methods of treating herself and others, and they may not be considered problematic. Because these are just the ways she deals with people, these methods have not caused harm to others, they are just not accepted by you.

Indeed, many individuals possess similar characteristics. The formation of this perception is influenced by the environment in which they were raised.

Despite our differing opinions, we can strive to comprehend her perspective without attempting to alter it. It is, after all, futile to expect a change in her.

Similarly, they are unable to tolerate opposing views and believe that their own opinions are always correct and everyone else's is incorrect. There are many individuals who exhibit this behavior.

This is a common human psychological tendency. Most people appreciate positive feedback, even when they have made a mistake. They may attempt to rationalize their behavior to avoid taking responsibility.

It is also possible that she has damaged narcissism and is using external attribution to improve her self-perception.

It is therefore unnecessary to correct her admiration of the anchors. You can initially refrain from denying her and instead say, "Really?"

"Please try this approach and see the results for yourself."

In life, each of us has our own method of stress relief. When feeling stressed, listening to music is an effective way to relax.

Similarly, if your mother wishes to relieve stress by doing household chores, allow her to do so. There is no need for you to feel guilty and do the dishes for her.

By allowing your mother to be herself, you can also feel at ease doing things according to your own wishes and perceptions, without being controlled by your mother, and without feeling guilty for not being able to satisfy your mother's desire for control.

This approach fosters an equal and mutually respectful relationship between you and your mother, allowing you to maintain your independence while relying on each other.

The aforementioned information is for reference only.

I hope this information is useful to you. Best regards,

You are kind and caring. Even if you think your mother is not a very nice person, you can guess that the influence of your family on you is generally still very positive. Otherwise, it is hard to imagine how you, who make people feel close and affectionate, have grown up. This also means that, at least for you, there is a lot of beauty and love in what your mother has shown and reserved for you.

You can take the time to outline and summarize her words, deeds, and character. You might find that there's a big difference between how she acts at home and how she acts outside the house. At home, she's a very giving person who puts her all into it. But outside the house, she sometimes behaves in ways that are eye-catching and unsavory. These could be things like the utilitarianism, superficiality, smoothness, and selfishness you mentioned.

I'm so happy to hear that you're doing well! It's clear that you're loved and protected, which is so important.

You can totally understand how tough it is for your mom. You get how life has been a real challenge for her and how she's had to push through. You also get that you can't judge her for her past, because she's still the same person she's always been. But, there will be some bumps in the road, probably in how you see things or value things differently. And, you might feel the urge to cover things up, which can create some distance in your relationship.

It's likely that, especially for folks who've lived a long life and have become a bit hardened, many of their beliefs and the words and actions they display are like the hardest parts that are always left behind after the waves of life have worn away. It can be tough to change their appearance, right? Instead of trying to change them, why not be more tolerant and do what you can to make amends?

Your mom is your sweetheart, so if she gets a little upset, try to balance it out with lots of love and kindness.

It's like having blind faith in expert anchors. It's not that they themselves have much authority, but that they just happen to express her point of view. It's not how much she believes in and identifies with the anchor expert, but that she actually believes in herself. If you change the content to the opposite, you'll find that she'll be just as sharp and critical in her attacks. The anchor expert is just playing a supporting role, and the protagonist is never herself.

As for authority, it's pretty clear that ordinary children won't have enough social achievements to surpass their parents. And when it comes to logic and morality, they're more the result of cold or hot wars. It's not about ability or inability. So, to deal with it at the moment, you could try some necessary cutting and isolation, emotional communication, and ignoring right and wrong.

I really do wish you all the happiness in the world!

Hello, question asker! Thanks for reaching out.

From reading your post, I get the feeling that you're a very rational young man. This is shown in several ways: 1. You believe that everyone is equal, regardless of their position. You hope that your mother will have this sense of equality too. 2. You hope that your mother won't be confused by the fast-talkers and that she'll listen to everything they say. 3. You hope that your mother will see that your success in the workplace is due to your ability and mutual respect, not flattery. 4. You're also very thoughtful. You're aware that you're not happy with your mother's faults and that you want to change her. But you're also aware of your own faults. You're wondering whether your approach is wrong, whether your mother will be more likely to change if she is shown love, and whether you lack the ability to love.

This self-reflection shows that your rational thoughts are not only about your mother, but also about yourself. It's clear that you're a very rational person because you understand equality, right and wrong very well, but you seem to have a hard time understanding your mother's emotions.

You say, "For example, if I ask her not to look down on cleaners, she will just remain silent and cold, and say, 'Okay,' as if I were being unreasonable. In fact, your mother may not feel that you are being unreasonable, but she is not convinced by a junior criticizing her, and she has to admit that the other person is right. She is a bit helpless, unable to lower her head and save face.

Let's talk about the differences between you and your mother in a calm, rational way. It seems like your mother is fighting, while you are building a beautiful civilization. From your posts, it seems like your mother has come from humble beginnings. She has a history of starting her own business and is like a winner, with the pride of a winner. It's understandable that she looks down on those at the bottom who have failed.

You're the child of a successful mother who made it from the bottom. At 24 years old, you're brimming with the freshness of youth and the righteousness of having been brought up in a relatively stable family and influenced by the qualities of equality and fraternity. The difference between you and your mother is like a scholar's comment on poetry and lyrics. He said poetry is fighting, an appeal in troubled times, while lyrics are about life, the idle chatter of summer's beginning and spring's lingering. Let's make our lives warm and radiant!

Maybe your mom was a fighter who started a business in the first generation. She has a lot of the killer instinct of someone on the battlefield, as well as the cunning and evil of someone who curries favor with the power structure. You, on the other hand, grew up in a peaceful life after the business was started, like a gentle poem with a humanistic glow—valuing equality and the righteousness of being a person. This kind of conflict is often between the first generation of entrepreneurs and the second generation.

The second generation thinks the first generation is a bit rough around the edges, and the first generation thinks the second generation is a little too different.

If we take a moment to step back from this rational discussion and consider psychology, it's clear that each generation has its own unique world and era. Even though you and your mother live under the same roof, the experiences and perspectives you carry in your hearts are different. Let's take space as an example. You and your mother live in the same city, but your memories of it are different from your mother's. The era your mother experienced is also different from yours. She has experienced a different life, and in the face of these differences, she firmly believes in the life wisdom she has gained from her own experiences, and you firmly believe in the life wisdom you have gained from yours. In fact, if it doesn't hurt yourself or others, the best way is to coexist and each adhere to your own values.

Just politely decline the other person's suggestions. This is a way of showing that you have your own ideas and beliefs. Otherwise, parents who try to control their children by using violence are being very unfair. It's not only a waste of time for children to try to change their parents; it's also not kind to them.

This is like forcing someone to abandon their inner world, which has been built up over the past 20 to 30 years or so since they were born. It's as if you're cutting off a person from their past, which can cause some pretty serious issues. In the worst cases, it can even lead to depression. There's a story about an elderly person who was a patient of the world-renowned psychologist Aron. The elderly person had to move to a retirement home, but after she went there, she seemed to be in a trance and unable to adapt to life. She even used the things she moved over to set up her room as it was before, not even changing the position, and then took the elderly person to familiarize herself with the surrounding community. It's so sad when people are forced to move, but it can be really helpful to get to know your new community.

I think, just like this sweet old man, she needs to live in a psychological space that she is familiar with. Of course, she can also adapt to a new community, but she can't change too drastically so that her life is completely different. Maybe your mother is the same. She may gradually become more tolerant in her interactions with you, her good son, but forced and drastic changes are probably difficult for her to adapt to.

Speaking of differentiation, at your age, you and your mother only need to agree to disagree. If you follow Erikson's theory of psychological development, the main psychological task at this age is to develop new intimate relationships to combat loneliness.

It's totally normal for you to want to move away from home and start your own life. You'll get to establish new intimate relationships by starting your own career, making friends, falling in love, etc. And it's great that your mom is happy staying in her own circle and being herself!

I can sense the sadness, frustration, and anger in the questioner's heart. I want to gently remind you that it's not up to you to worry about how your mother thinks of other people. She has her own way of thinking and living, her own needs, and she hasn't asked you to help her change. It's not your job to teach your mother what to do. As a daughter, you have the right to speak up for yourself, but you don't have the right to tell your mother what to do and what not to do.

I can see that the questioner cares a lot about and is concerned and loves her mother. It's just that it seems the questioner doesn't know how to love and how to express love, and just instinctively believes that the way she is doing now is expressing her love for her mother. At the same time, there is a reason why the questioner desperately wants to change her mother, which is closely linked to some of the questioner's inner needs, but the questioner herself is not aware of it.

It's totally understandable that the OP's mother might feel a bit burdened by the OP's hope that she can change into the OP's desired self. After all, accepting the change to become the OP's desired self would mean accepting the OP's control over her, which might make her feel a bit uncomfortable. It's natural that she'd be reluctant to understand and accept the OP's words and expectations of her.

From a psychological perspective, love is an emotion, as well as a manifestation of feelings and behaviors. In film and television works and in life, we often see and hear that when someone expresses love, in addition to what they say, it is accompanied by certain actions, such as hugging, kissing, stroking, giving gifts, etc. This is how lovers or couples express their love.

In family life and parent-child relationships, there are so many ways to show love! Gentle and friendly attitudes, tones of voice, words, and gentle actions and expressions are all great ways to express love. These ways are also more easily understood, recognized, and accepted. In contrast, criticism, denial, accusations, teaching, judgment, and forced control can come across as a bit aggressive. The first thing the other person feels is emotional aggression rather than love, and they will instinctively protect themselves and refuse to accept these expressions.

It might also help to think about how you want your mother to see and treat you. If you want to motivate your mother to change, it's important to accept and let go of your strong desire to change her. You'll also need to adjust and change your attitude towards her. Think about what you want to say to her and how you want to say it, and then try it out to see her reaction. Once you've done that, you can combine it with what we talked about above to find the answer.

Parent-child relationships are also a type of interpersonal relationship that must follow the laws of interpersonal relationships. If you want your mother to treat you in a certain way, it's important to remember to treat yourself and your mother in the same way.

I just wanted to share my personal opinion on this, in case it helps you think about things.

It's normal to feel a range of complex emotions when your mother behaves in ways that don't match your expectations. Family members' values and behavior patterns don't always align with our expectations, which can lead to confusion, disappointment, and even anger.

You must find a balance that respects your mother's individuality while also maintaining your own values and emotional well-being.

First, recognize that everyone's values and behavior are shaped by their upbringing, experiences, and beliefs. Your mother's behavior may stem from her own insecurities, desire for social status, or fear of different opinions.

These factors may cause her to adopt a defensive attitude when faced with different opinions or to display a sense of superiority in her interactions with others.

When communicating with your mother, express your feelings and opinions in a non-accusatory way. Use "I" statements, such as "I feel..." instead of "You always...," to reduce defensiveness and promote a more open dialogue.

At the same time, set boundaries to protect yourself from unwanted negative influences. When you feel emotionally strained, give yourself some space and avoid reacting in anger or disappointment.

Furthermore, you should try to understand the motives behind your mother's behavior. It is likely that she needs to feel respected and valued.

Show her you understand and care to establish a deeper connection. Don't sacrifice your values or ignore your feelings in the process.

The following points will be useful when dealing with your mother:

1. Be patient. Changing someone's behavior and attitude takes time, and patience is key.

2. Active listening is essential. Give your mother your full attention and respect when she expresses herself. This builds trust.

3. Find common ground in your values and interests with your mother. This will strengthen the relationship.

4. Expressing love: Show your mother your love and concern through your actions, even when communication is difficult.

5. Self-care: It is essential to prioritize your own emotional and physical well-being while caring for your mother's emotional needs.

6. Get help. Talk to friends, family, or professionals about your feelings and challenges, and get their support and advice.

7. Professional counseling: If you're struggling to cope with these emotional and relationship issues, seek help from a mental health professional.

8. Personal growth: These experiences are opportunities for personal growth. Learn how to maintain your self in difficult relationships and develop more mature coping strategies.

You have every right to feel the way you do. You are already trying to understand and improve your relationship with your mother. With continued effort and appropriate strategies, you will gradually find a way to get along harmoniously with your mother and maintain your emotional well-being.

Your love for your mother is precious, and you can learn to express it better. You can also help your mother realize the impact of her actions on others. All you need is wisdom and the right methods.

Hello! You've noticed that you and your mother have some differences in values, and you're excited to discuss them with her or help her see the problem. However, she seems to be very resistant and responds with cold violence.

You want her to change, and you're excited to find the perfect way to help her along the path to change.

You mentioned that you are now 24 years old, and for the first time you have discovered that your mother has a prejudice against people in low positions, and that she has biased instructions about your work – making you learn to ingratiate yourself with your superiors. This is very different from your principles in dealing with people, and you resent and even loathe your mother's attitude. I'm excited to hear more about your relationship with your mother in the past!

It's so exciting to see you moving towards a more independent outlook! As you embark on this journey of separation from your original family, remember that psychological separation and individuation is a natural and long process. Adolescence and early adulthood are often challenging phases, but they're also a time of tremendous growth and self-discovery.

As you start working and leading an increasingly independent life, you'll find that your sense of self and recognition may be more prominent than ever before — and that's a great thing!

When children are young, they look up to and trust their parents unconditionally. This is a wonderful thing! It shows that they have a strong sense of trust and that they value their parents. As they grow up, their sense of self becomes stronger and stronger. This is great too! It shows that they are forming their own world view and values. They no longer blindly obey their parents. This is a positive thing! It shows that they are becoming independent thinkers. They begin to view their parents as equals. This is a great step! It shows that they are becoming confident individuals.

You now look at your mother's dealings with people from the perspective of an independent adult, and you're eager to share your insights and help her grow.

If the person with these thoughts is not your mother, but someone else, you are less likely to feel troubled because you can ignore that person or argue with them, and there will be less emotional entanglement. However, with your mother, you may still have a part of the need to "symbiotically merge" with her, so you will be particularly eager to agree with her and find it hard to accept your differences—and that's okay!

From a parent-child relationship perspective, this is a totally normal reaction. And from a personal development perspective, it also means that the topic of "separation and independence" still needs to be addressed, which is great because it means you're growing and changing!

This is the topic of constantly distinguishing between what is one's own business and what is one's parents' business. It's a great opportunity for both parents and children to develop their own life choices and personal boundaries.

Learning to love each other while respecting each other's boundaries is not easy, but it is so worth exploring! If love is based on the premise of changing the other person, it will lead to entanglement in the relationship, with too much attention being paid to the inconsistencies and energy being expended trying to turn the other person into someone else (such as the ideal parent). Human time, energy, and psychological resources are all limited, and focusing too much on changing others will limit investment in self-development. So, let's explore love in a way that is truly rewarding!

Embrace the fact that your mother is different from you! It's up to her whether or not she changes, so focus on being your amazing self and treating others the way you want to be treated. Appreciate the rich emotional bond you have with your mother. It's filled with love, affection, companionship, and care. Don't worry about finding a boundary for getting along with her because you are two unique individuals.

Dear Sir/Madam, From your account, it is evident that your mother plays a significant role in your life and that you have a deep understanding of her. She has also demonstrated a high level of confidence in your presence, yet she is uncertain about the acceptability of her true self to you. Best regards, [Name]

It is possible that your perception of your mother differs significantly from her actual character.

The distinction between actuality and perception

1. When your mother exhibits a lack of regard for others, evades her responsibilities, and displays a lack of empathy and rationality, you anticipate that she will treat others with equal consideration, friendliness, and reason. I am curious to understand your perspective on this matter.

I believe that your mother's actions may be perceived as a lack of trust in your ability to persuade her to engage in a constructive dialogue, which in turn may elicit feelings of disgust and hatred towards her.

2. Once you recognized that your mother's primary outlet for expressing her frustration was through household tasks such as washing dishes, you would complete all the necessary chores. However, during the recent period of discord, you did not engage in this activity.

I must admit that I am somewhat perplexed by this narrative. Is the action of "washing the dishes" a way to retaliate against your mother for not letting you vent your emotions, so that you can connect with her? Or is it a way to show your love for your mother and to share her burden, so that she knows you want to connect with her?

I believe that your contradictory actions are driven by a desire to connect with your mother. However, you also seem to be expressing frustration at her continued absence. This is evidenced by your assertion that she will experience guilt, anger, and annoyance if she does not complete the dishes.

Please describe the emotions you are experiencing.

3. You were hired through a fair and transparent process, and you believe there is genuine appreciation and respect between you and your supervisor. However, your mother views the situation as flattery and a long-planned conspiracy.

This approach by your mother appears to distort and deny your hard work and good fortune, which in turn makes you feel a deep sense of powerlessness.

4. You state, "I should have loved her more, been more patient, and used the right words to guide her." You are aware that your mother lacks love, patience, and good guidance, and you believe that if she had grown up in such an environment, she would have done very well. The reality is that you have loved your mother for a long time, so long that you have expended your strength.

It is important to set clear expectations from the outset.

I believe you require your mother's love and affection. If you feel love has drained your strength, you are aware that being loved can provide renewed strength.

It would be beneficial to identify a suitable alternative source of affection and support. Your mother is obviously the person closest to you, but instead of providing the love you desire, she requires your love to sustain her.

This discrepancy leaves you feeling helpless.

Please advise on the best way forward.

From your account, it is evident that you have consistently attempted to communicate with your mother and maintain interaction with her. However, it appears that you have concealed your emotions and feelings, including unhappiness, nausea, sadness, guilt, anger, annoyance, and fatigue. Your hidden and suppressed emotional states seem to be a significant drain on your energy.

It appears that you are concealing your true self from your mother. You present yourself to her as a rational, calm, emotionally stable, strong, motivated, and empathetic individual.

What are the consequences of concealing one's true self? What are the advantages of being authentic?

The themes of love and being loved are enduring aspects of the human experience. While we cannot demand a specific parental style, we can influence how we interact with our parents and cultivate the qualities of good parenting.

I would like to extend my best wishes to those of you who are adept at expressing love to others, and who can also experience the joy of being loved in return.

Hello, I'm ABC Fire Red.

From what you've told me, I can see how you're struggling with some inner conflict and pain. It's great that you're able to reflect on your attitude and behavior towards your mother and that you're open to improving your relationship with her.

This is a great start! It's so important to remember that you're not alone in this. I'm here for you, and I'm sending you lots of love and support. I know that family relationships can be tough, but you've got this!

In psychology, family systems theory says that every family is a system, and the behavior and attitudes of each member affect the whole. It's possible that your mother has developed certain views and behaviors because of her life experiences.

I know this approach might not be your cup of tea, especially if you have different values and outlooks on life. This type of generational conflict exists in many families, so you're not alone!

You mentioned that your mother looks down on people who sweep the streets, is stubborn, and is unwilling to accept different opinions. This may be due to her personal upbringing and social environment, which is totally understandable!

Many folks who faced tough times when they were younger may feel a bit rejected by their past selves when they succeed, to make room for their newfound sense of accomplishment. She seems to find a lot of comfort in online expert anchors, maybe because these views align more closely with her current perceptions and experiences.

Your mother's behavior might make you feel a little uncomfortable, but I'm here to help! I'll show you how to understand her in a way that'll make you feel better. Empathy doesn't mean you have to agree with her, but it does mean understanding why she reacts the way she does.

It's so important to try to accept her shortcomings and remain calm when communicating with her. For example, when she starts to be cold and violent, you can choose to temporarily avoid her, give yourself and her some time to calm down, and then try to communicate again.

I once had a friend who had a similar experience to yours. His mother was very stubborn and always thought she was right, especially when it came to housework and relationships.

My friend tried to correct his mother's views, but she was so cold and violent towards him! Later, he changed his approach. Instead of trying to directly change his mother, he slowly influenced her through his own actions.

For example, she could share some lighthearted things while doing household chores instead of discussing serious topics. Or she could guide her thinking with humor when talking about social issues. These changes gradually made her mother begin to accept different points of view, which was really great to see!

I'd like to offer some suggestions for the poster, if I may.

1. Set boundaries: It's so important to set some mental boundaries when spending time with your mother to protect your emotions. For example, when your mother starts to show disrespect towards certain people, you can choose not to participate in the discussion and change the subject instead.

2. Communicate positively: It's so important to choose the right time to communicate with your mother. It's probably best to avoid discussing serious topics when she is emotional.

When she's in a good mood, it's a great time to chat about your views and feelings with her. You can even talk about things without directly contradicting her!

3. Find support: It's so important to share your feelings with other family members or friends to get support and advice. You can also seek help from a professional counselor to help you better handle the confusion in family relationships.

4. Self-care: It's so important to take care of yourself! Do things that relax and make you happy, and try to maintain a positive attitude. Music, exercise, reading, etc., can all help relieve stress.

It might help to look at your relationship with your mother from a different perspective. Even though her behavior may be a little upsetting, she is still your family member.

Some of her behavior may be out of concern for you, sweetie, but it's just not the right way to show it. You can try to shift your attention from her negative behavior to her strengths and love for you.

Your relationship with your mom can get so much better! Every little change and positive conversation will help make your future together brighter. Stay patient and keep at it, and I'm sure your efforts will pay off.

I really hope the original poster has a happy life! If you have anything else you'd like to talk about, please feel free to leave a comment in the comment section.