I am actually very anxious when I talk to other people, and I can't talk to other people.

You may be hesitant to share your own narrative, preferring instead to receive guidance and feedback from others. This approach allows you to feel secure and accepted, without having to take the lead or assume responsibility.

If we want to make our voices heard, it might be helpful to consider our own fears. What are we anxious about? Is it about telling our own story, or about not getting a response to our story, and not hearing other voices in our own narrative?

Perhaps you feel that your soul imprisons you, and as a result, you are reluctant to tell others about yourself, to seek their approval, or to try to understand them. You may even be afraid that someone will truly read you and break the shackles within you, making you feel at a loss in life.

It is worth noting that regardless of what you tell people or what you do, those who understand you will understand you. However, if they don't, your efforts may not yield the desired results. When you try to express yourself, you may find that some people will listen, some will turn a blind eye, some will understand, and some won't. However, if you really open yourself up, you may gain someone who can tell your story.

If you are open to trying new things, even if it's something as simple as making a new friend or acquiring a small item, and if you keep track of your successes, you will eventually be able to overcome this concern and achieve everything you desire.

Good day, question asker. I can discern the confusion you are currently experiencing, and I extend my support to you.

If one is uncertain as to the appropriate manner of engaging in conversation, it may be indicative of an underlying familial influence.

It is possible that within the domestic environment, interactions with other individuals, such as one's parents, may manifest as scolding, criticism, or argumentation.

Consequently, it is likely that the individual in question will erroneously assume that this constitutes the norm for communication.

In reality, however, communication and conversation are not as challenging as they may initially appear.

Prior to my enrollment in secondary school, I was similarly inept at engaging in conversation with others.

Subsequently, the instructor suggested that I participate in Toastmasters International during the summer.

In Toastmasters International, participants are divided into groups of five to seven individuals, where they engage in practice sessions aimed at enhancing their speaking abilities.

Consequently, following the summer vacation, there was a notable enhancement in my capacity for conversation.

It would be beneficial for you to ascertain whether there are Toastmasters clubs in China, as this would be an excellent opportunity for you to enhance your communication skills.

It is thus imperative to learn to alter one's mindset.

The individuals with whom one engages in conversation are not one's parents or family members. Therefore, one may discuss any topic or subject with them.

Such topics as the weather, food, and the current epidemic may be discussed.

It seems reasonable to posit that you may also have a stuffed animal at home.

Some girls engage in the practice of conversing with stuffed animals.

In the future, when engaging in conversation with another individual, it may be beneficial to consider them as if they were one's family or stuffed animals.

It is my sincere hope that the problem you are currently experiencing can be resolved as soon as possible.

I have nothing further to contribute at this time.

It is my sincere hope that my above response is both helpful and inspiring to you. As the respondent, I endeavor to study diligently on a daily basis.

At Yixinli, we extend our warmest regards to you and the entire world. Best wishes!

Hi, I'm Xin Tan, your coach. I can help you with that. It seems like you're anxious when talking to people and unsure of how to chat with others.

You always hear people talking about you, asking why you look unhappy. Why don't you say anything?

When you first went to see a counselor, you sat there unable to say a word. You felt uncomfortable speaking about yourself as if you were reading from a script.

You know the counselor wants to help you solve your problems, but you find it difficult and don't want others to listen to or share your problems.

You get anxious when you're talking to others. You don't feel comfortable when they don't respond to you or respond to you. You also joke more with friends. You'd rather be scolded, criticized, or argue with others, as you'd feel safer.

You tend to feel anxious when others show interest in you and try to understand your feelings. You have difficulty expressing yourself, whether it's through talking to yourself or writing.

You don't feel like chatting with others when you're not feeling well. You just want someone to sit with you for a while.

Maybe you really want others to understand you, but you also feel that it is very vulnerable and difficult to face if you express your innermost thoughts.

1. How we interact with others is often shaped by our experiences in the family.

I can see that the person asking the question has a lot of conflicting thoughts and feelings, and a lot of self-rejection and self-disapproval.

The way you build relationships with others is by being scolded and criticized. In an uneasy relationship, you feel safer.

If you don't feel cared for and understood, you might feel insecure about sharing yourself and exposing your inner self.

How you interact with others in business situations may be influenced by how you were raised in your family of origin and how you interacted with your caregivers.

Do your family members often scold, accuse, or argue with you? Do you feel like you get emotional support and companionship from them in the form of hugs, handholding, confiding in each other, being there for each other, and helping each other out?

Have you ever been rejected when you showed your vulnerability? Have you ever been told not to show your vulnerable side? Do you think that showing your vulnerability in front of others means that you are incompetent and a failure?

2. Accept yourself and improve your sense of self-identification.

I hope that other people will sit with you for a while, which shows that the questioner needs love, companionship, and support. It's just that you can't accept a positive form of care for the time being, and you're not used to sharing yourself. There's no need to be too hard on yourself.

The questioner feels it's too vulnerable to speak their inner thoughts, and it's difficult to face, mainly because they find it hard to accept their vulnerable side.

The truth is, we all have a vulnerable side. Even the most successful people have things about themselves they keep hidden.

Just because it's hidden doesn't mean it's gone. It's always there, waiting to be seen and accepted.

The questioner should focus on the positive, give themselves a bit of a pat on the back, and accept that they don't want to share. You are also lovely and worthy of love.

3. Learn communication skills.

I also think it's a great way for the questioner to express themselves in writing, which is a form of self-healing. It's just that it's not as effective for opening up and exposing oneself, but that's not a big deal. In the future, you can slowly improve by practicing expressing yourself.

The questioner can read May You Have a Life Illuminated by Love to improve themselves through learning. I grew up, and for communication, you can read Empathic Communication and Nonviolent Communication.

Start by practicing self-dialogue, becoming aware of your own thoughts and feelings, and then learn to understand the thoughts and feelings of others. Practice expressing yourself, first to those close to you, and then slowly develop this in normal relationships.

Even small changes can make a big difference for you.

If you'd like to chat further, just click below to find a coach to interpret, choose a heart exploration chat partner, and communicate with me one-on-one. Best of luck!

I just wanted to let you know that narrative therapy might not be the right fit for you, so you might want to try other methods.

If you're someone who has trouble expressing themselves, even in monologue or writing, it's not realistic to expect you to talk about your innermost feelings with a counselor you've only met a few times. That might make you feel more anxious, like you've gone to a professional for help but it hasn't been effective, and that you've wasted time and energy.

We'll help you understand yourself better and what kind of change you want. Once we know what you want, we can work hard to achieve it together!

Would you like to be someone who is more open and communicative with others? Or someone who seems happy and content, even if they don't share their innermost thoughts and feelings with everyone? Or perhaps you'd like to be someone who is comfortable with who they are and knows that they don't necessarily enjoy talking about their personal feelings, but that doesn't stop them from engaging with others and having great social interactions.

You're great at joking around with friends and responding to people who pick fights with you. It's clear you love talking! But there might be something deeper going on.

It's totally normal to feel this way! It's often because we're insecure and don't want to show our true thoughts, feelings, and vulnerability to others.

It's totally understandable to want to avoid contact with the outside world. It's your own defense mechanism, and it's there to protect you. If you think this might be the reason, you can talk to your counselor. They'll be able to help you in a way that suits you.

If this isn't the reason, you can think about it yourself and see why. If you think of something, you can also tell the counselor. If you don't think of anything, I suggest you try to find a hypnotist to help you discover your subconscious. I'm sure you'll find it!

I'm sure we can find the key to the problem together!

For now, let's focus on your anxiety. You can listen to others and be social without speaking. Once you've solved the anxiety problem, you'll be all set!

You can start by chatting with your friends, family, and close friends. You can start by talking about the latest news, jokes, and current affairs, and work on your ability to start conversations.

If you're not used to communicating, that's okay! We can choose not to socialize (socializing means socializing, not being in touch with the outside world).

You've got this! You can find a way that suits you to soothe your worries, whether it's listening to music, traveling, shopping, or even just taking a nap. Talking to someone about your worries is just one way to express them, and there are many different kinds. It doesn't have to be the same for everyone.

There's no one right way to do this. Find what works for you and go with it!

Hello!

I'm Shushan Wenquan, a heart exploration coach. Thanks for your question.

From your description, I understand some of your current states and behaviors. You say that you always hear others say you are "unhappy" and "not talking." You also find that when you talk to others, you act in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes you would rather be scolded than receive care.

Feel your own confusion and deep longing.

Why do you feel bound by an "invisible force"? How can you break free, communicate better, and enjoy being loved?

Everyone's relationship with others is a reflection of their relationship with themselves. From your description, it seems that you may be emotionally neglected.

We can solve this problem by taking care of ourselves.

1. Emotional neglect in childhood.

Emotional neglect is when parents don't pay enough attention to your emotional needs.

This is just a guess. Think about your own growth and recall some memories. How is your emotional connection with your parents or other important people? Children who suffer from emotional neglect in childhood often believe their feelings are not important and suppress their emotions.

Adults who were emotionally neglected in childhood show certain common characteristics.

Feeling empty, dependent, and self-critical. Feeling guilty and ashamed. Having difficulty caring for yourself and others. Having difficulty expressing emotions. Lack of awareness and understanding of emotions. "The Neglected Child: How to Overcome Emotional Neglect in Childhood"

As a child, I was left behind and emotionally neglected. I don't know what I need and don't think I deserve to be treated well. I also ignore my emotions.

How do you face this self?

2-Accept yourself. Feel your feelings, connect with them, and understand your emotions.

As adults, we can't be children again, but we can be good parents to ourselves.

The external and internal worlds have different laws. We can reject things we don't like in the external world.

The inner world is not effective against negative words. Rejecting them is counterproductive. The best way is to accept them and then renew them.

Accept yourself as you are. If you don't like to express yourself verbally, express yourself in writing. See what kind of self this is.

Feel this lonely, awkward, and timid self who wants to be understood and connected.

Connect with it, read yourself like a book, and accept yourself. Only then can you take the step towards growth.

3-Love yourself and live your best life.

Happiness and joy come from meeting your inner needs. If you rarely feel these emotions, you don't understand your needs.

Some people are happy after eating a big meal. Others aren't. The happy people have their own preferences and needs. They get happy when they do what they want.

The latter doesn't know what he likes, so anything is the same.

We need to take care of ourselves more. We should ask ourselves what we like, what we need, and what we want.

Name your feelings. Let go and try new things.

Love yourself and be happy.

Recommended resources:

(1) For self-care, see the third part of Jonas Webb's "The Neglected Child."

You can also learn from the platform's classes, such as Zhou Fan's "Love Yourself First" and Lin Wencai's "Make Up for the Psychological Nutrition Missing in Childhood."

I wish you a happy new year!

Hello!

You seem to lack anxiety/looking-older-than-peers-affects-self-confidence-how-should-one-adjust-ones-mindset-13496.html" target="_blank">self-confidence and anxiety. You have a good ability to perceive things and speak up when you encounter a problem. This is great and you are already on the path to change.

What made you feel this way? What happened the first time?

Who did you do it with? How did you get rid of the feeling?

You say others say you don't know how to express yourself or describe your problems to a counselor. But you have your own way of doing it. Is that right?

You say you'd rather be yelled at than praised. Why? Is it because you don't accept yourself?

Or does a bad experience come flooding back?

You said you want company and understanding, but worry others will know your vulnerability. Is that right?

After reading your description, I feel sorry for you and admire you. You're looking for ways to solve your problems. You can go to a counselor. It won't have an immediate effect, but you will open up your heart.

You found the strength to look for a counselor. What helped you do that?

If this feeling disappeared, how would your life change?

What did you do to make a change? Who will notice your new you?

If we're impatient with people who don't know what to say, it shows we're not confident and afraid to express ourselves.

Your inner state is often related to your upbringing, education, experiences, and genetics.

You've started looking for a counselor, and I suggest you keep looking. There's always a counselor who's right for you. I have some small suggestions that I hope will be helpful.

Believe in yourself and accept yourself.

Everyone is different, so we all feel things differently. When we have these uncomfortable emotions, we need to believe in ourselves and accept ourselves. Then we can find a way to feel better.

Second, use positive suggestions.

You've worked hard. Change doesn't happen overnight. Use positive mental suggestions to counteract negative emotions. For example, say, "I am excellent, I am unique, I will get better and better, and I will make a difference. I have the strength." Two positive suggestions a day can help.

Find a hobby to boost your self-confidence.

You can write it down. Think of something you like to do. Focus on it. This can help you gain confidence and overcome your inner block.

Next, learn to let go of negative emotions.

Everyone has negative emotions, but they are indirect. When we have negative emotions, we need to get rid of them. We can talk to someone, go on a trip, or do sports to relieve our mood. When we get rid of these negative emotions, we will feel happy and peaceful.

Finally, don't worry. If we persevere, we'll find our light. Sometimes, our changes are small. Let them accumulate and save us.

Instead of waiting to be healed, we should heal ourselves. You can study psychology. Many people who study psychology are confused about relationships. When you study psychology, you grow and heal yourself at the same time.

I recommend two books: "Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychologist" and "The Courage to Be Disliked."