I am always afraid of failing an exam and disappointing other people's expectations. How can I reconcile with myself?

Good day, classmate. I can discern the confusion you are currently experiencing, and I extend a supportive gesture in the form of a hug.

These experiences are indicative of a period of significant personal growth and development. It is important to allow yourself to embrace these changes and to seek support when needed.

What is more intriguing is the question of who asserts that individuals who excel should continue to do so.

I will illustrate this point with my own experience.

In junior high school, I consistently ranked at the top of my class. However, in high school, I also performed poorly. My academic qualifications were not sufficient to gain admission to an undergraduate university in my hometown of Hong Kong.

Indeed, I previously exhibited a similar disposition to yours, my colleague. I devoted considerable attention to the opinions of others.

However, upon studying psychology independently, I came to recognize a fundamental truth: there are three primary categories of matters in this world, namely our own affairs, the affairs of others, and the affairs of a higher power.

As long as I fulfill my responsibilities as a student and maintain a clear conscience, I am satisfied.

In regard to the opinions of others, it is not within my control to alter their perceptions. They are free to express their thoughts, and it is not my responsibility to dictate their opinions.

Furthermore, what is the rationale behind the pursuit of knowledge?

It is not sufficient to act for one's own benefit and to strive for a superior future; rather, one must also consider the needs of others.

I have now learned to reassure myself that even minor progress on a daily basis represents a significant achievement.

It is my sincere hope that you will be able to identify an effective solution to the problem you are currently facing in the near future.

These are the only concepts that I am currently capable of conceptualizing.

It is my sincere hope that my responses will prove both helpful and inspiring to you. I am the solution, and I study assiduously each and every day.

At Yixinli, we extend our warmest regards to you and the entire world. Wishing you the best!

It is noteworthy that this level of self-awareness can be achieved at such a young age.

From the description provided, it is evident that the current state of being is "competitive," driven by a fear of failing others. Additionally, past experiences have shaped this state of being.

The term "bondage" is an accurate description of your emotional state.

In other words, these things are not aligned with one's intrinsic desires but rather result from external pressures. Frequently, external voices exert a strong influence, leading to a pervasive sense of obligation.

When an action is undertaken due to a fear of moving forward, the associated feelings of fear will intensify as the action progresses and the outcome becomes imminent.

Your trepidation stems from the apprehension of failing to meet the expectations of others, which in turn gives rise to feelings of nervousness, anxiety, and worry.

Indeed, it is often the case that our fears are imagined by ourselves.

The unknown provides an opportunity for the imagination to run wild.

To overcome this feeling of fear, it may be beneficial to consider the potential consequences of failing and letting others down.

Perhaps my parents will cease to love me, or that I will be regarded with disdain by others, or that I will come to perceive myself as unremarkable.

One must then inquire as to the potential courses of action that could be taken in response to the situation.

One can choose to love oneself.

I am willing to accept my current level of competence as it is.

I can continue to expand my knowledge and enhance my abilities, thereby becoming a slightly more proficient individual than I was the day before.

I am capable of performing to the best of my abilities in the field in which I feel most comfortable and at ease.

Regardless of the circumstances, I possess the fortitude and capacity to transform adversity into stability.

...

Facing one's fears can facilitate the development of mental resilience, enabling individuals to cope with challenging situations more effectively.

Those who are willing to confront even the most daunting challenges in pursuit of excellence will develop a sense of fearlessness and the ability to focus their full attention on the task at hand.

Furthermore, it is unlikely that parents will cease to love their children simply because they are ordinary. They may express discontent, experience disappointment, or even regret, but it is unlikely that they will cease to love their children.

It is my hope that the aforementioned information will prove to be of some assistance.

Good day, My name is Wanshi Ruyi. I can see that your issue is that you are always concerned about being outshone and afraid of not meeting other people's expectations. That's why you always set high standards for yourself, and you feel tired. You want to eliminate this kind of distress, and you feel very troubled, a little anxious, and helpless. I can really understand how you feel.

I can see that you are constantly pushing yourself to learn, and once you reach a certain high point, you will only be pushed to work harder to reach another peak. If this pattern continues, not only you, but also each of us will become increasingly tired, and the pressure will continue to grow.

Given the existence of external factors and the potential for exceeding one's own capabilities, it is important to recognize that pursuing growth and improvement may also entail increased pressure and responsibility. This is analogous to the challenge of advancing in a competitive environment, where the higher the level of performance, the more formidable the opponents. While personal abilities play a crucial role, the timing, circumstances, and the individuals involved also influence the outcome. In such a competitive landscape, it is natural to experience fatigue and exhaustion as a result of repeated challenges and the pursuit of continuous improvement.

Another issue is the emotional distress caused by this kind of comparison and fear of failure. From your question, it is evident that you experience anxiety. You have also mentioned that you are afraid of disappointing your relatives.

However, I understand that you indicate your parents do not exert significant pressure on you. From this, I am left to question where your pressure originates. Do you seek approval from those around you? If others express disapproval, does it impact your self-evaluation and lead you to believe you are inadequate?

From your previous experiences, it is evident that you were unable to gain admission to the optimal high school. Subsequently, due to the complexity of the application process, you were unable to secure a place at the institution you considered more suitable. You demonstrated resilience in accepting these setbacks and emerged from them with a positive outlook. This is a commendable beginning, marking the start of a transformative journey. I am confident that you possess the ability to overcome these challenges and achieve a state of tranquility and ease.

The humanistic theory of psychology posits that individuals may experience psychological imbalance as a result of discrepancies between their self-concept and personal experiences. The self-concept can be defined as an individual's subjective evaluation of themselves, whereas personal experience represents their unique perspective on the external world.

Additionally, value conditioning is a significant factor influencing an individual's self-concept. It encompasses the expectations of those around us, particularly during our formative years, regarding the actions required to be perceived as outstanding. These expectations, or value conditions, can shape our self-concept by influencing our perception of what is necessary to gain recognition and attention. In essence, value conditioning is a form of external influence that affects our self-concept and motivates us to align with the expectations of others.

If you wish to eliminate the burden of consistently setting high standards for yourself, it is essential to work diligently to de-value conditionality. This entails returning what others have requested of you to them and re-establishing your own internal value system. To achieve this, you must re-evaluate yourself and rebuild your self-worth system.

The following steps will help you re-understand yourself:

Please obtain a sheet of paper and record the following information:

1. Conduct an analysis of your relationship with yourself. What are your three preferred activities when you are alone?

2. Evaluate your interpersonal dynamics. When two or more individuals collaborate, identify the three characteristics you are most inclined to conceal and are most concerned about others discovering.

3. Evaluate your relationship with the world. Consider what you would do if you were fearless. What are the three most important things you would want to do?

Identify the common ground and intersection of the three questions and then create an autobiography. It is acceptable to write for just five minutes a day. Perseverance is the most important factor. Do not overthink when writing. Once completed, read it aloud to yourself.

I would like to suggest that you read Ms. Wu Zhihong's book, "Thank Yourself for Your Imperfections." I believe it will be helpful in rebuilding your self-image.

If you are experiencing anxiety, you may benefit from mindfulness meditation, which can help you become more self-aware and better understand your emotions and thoughts. Additionally, talking to a trusted friend about your concerns can help relieve anxiety. You can remind yourself that even if you are not as proficient as others, it does not affect your personal value. Your talent and brilliance are not something that others can take away. Even if your talent is not reflected in a few exams or poor decisions, you are still an excellent individual. Believing in yourself is crucial.

I hope you will soon overcome your difficulties and wish you the best of luck.