I am anxious, always feeling like I've accomplished nothing and unsure of what to do?

You're not alone in feeling anxious about this choice and these emotions. In fact, millions of people your age are facing similar decisions and feelings.

It's so hurtful when people say you're "achieving nothing." The reality is that most people achieve nothing.

But would you ever say that about your parents or your partner?

I'm sure you'd never describe your friends this way, and they'd never describe you this way either.

It's so important to remember that success or failure isn't a reason for others to love or not love you. And it's also worth noting that success or failure isn't that important to you either. It's just pressure you put on yourself, and we all do that from time to time!

You're asking this question because you're trying hard to think about and solve it. That shows me you're not content with the status quo, and I admire you for that!

No matter what you choose, you don't need to regret it or worry. Believe in yourself and your choices. Staying in the big city is the right choice for you, and so is going back to your hometown.

If you've decided that staying in a big city is the best solution for you, then you'll have to make another choice: what kind of job do you want to take to make a living? If you choose a job, you'll have to think about how to earn a decent income in that job. If you work in sales, and you keep thinking about how to achieve your monthly sales target, that will make you anxious. But if you plan for tomorrow, and you worship how many customers you can get and practice your sales techniques seriously, that will fill you with fighting spirit! Sometimes tomorrow is more important than the future.

No matter how many years pass, there will never be an answer to the question of whether it is better to stay in the city or go back to your hometown. It's a tough choice, isn't it? You can only choose one kind of life, and there's no way to compare them.

We're all in different places when we start out. You're on the track of a marathon, and the fact that you can run the whole distance is already unattainable for 99.99% of people. Even if you don't run the whole distance, you're still unattainable for 99.99% of people, because the fact that you're on the track is already unattainable for others.

We all do it! We compare ourselves with others, especially when we like to compare our shortcomings with others' strengths. But there's no need to worry about that. You are not in the same race as anyone else. You have your own race to run!

Don't worry too much about the future! Just take a moment to analyze the current situation, make every decision carefully, and believe that your decision is right. And after making a choice, take responsibility for your choice. There's often no right or wrong in making choices, but the degree of completion of the implementation determines what kind of answer you will give to yourself.

As someone with 22 years of experience in cross-industry management consulting, I will do my best to answer your question.

"Could I ask you to consider your own value?"

This book has been very popular in the UK and has now been translated into Chinese by psychologist Li Songwei.

As a counselor, Li Songwei inquires about three unusual topics each week when he meets with his clients.

1. Could I ask you to reflect on whether there have been any changes in your life compared to last week?

2. If there have been no significant changes, it might be helpful to consider whether there have been any small changes.

3. This week is exactly the same as last week. How might you have managed that differently?

You might consider asking yourself the same question.

Li Songwei said that he asked these questions because he noticed that many people tend to believe that only a truly transformative life is worth living.

It is possible that if one becomes too accustomed to grand narratives, one might lose sight of the small values and lose the patience to accumulate them continuously.

Many people tend to view change as a process that requires a certain degree of formality and ceremony, with the initial step often perceived as being particularly significant.

For example, if you aspire to live like Gu Jia, you may wish to consider making some changes to your appearance. It might be helpful to learn how to exercise. You may also want to think about buying a luxury villa, helping your husband to become a boss, and sending your son to a top-notch kindergarten.

It may be helpful to consider that the more you try to find the gaps, the greater the result, the more ambitious the goal, the more you may feel unable to take a step.

Perhaps another way of looking at change is that it brings with it a sense of challenge and the possibility of overcoming difficulties.

Li Songwei respectfully disagrees, suggesting that at the outset, changes often occur without our awareness. They may appear ordinary and seem similar to a lack of change.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to consider the impact of making a less nutritious breakfast choice today.

For you, who may have been skipping breakfast for a while, change has already occurred.

It might be said that some value is embedded in the ordinary and seemingly boring cycle of life, just like breathing in and out. It is calm and ordinary, but it gives us the energy to live.

In an unchanging pattern, recognizing the efforts you have made, even if they are modest, can contribute to a better world. This is your value.

Many people often describe themselves as "poor," but a more precise way to frame it might be, "I have financial resources, but not a significant amount."

Many people say that they "fail at everything," but in fact they have achieved something.

Perhaps it would be more accurate to say, "I've tried hard, but I haven't yet reached the state I want to be in."

I believe that a person's happiness is not determined by how high up they are, but rather by their ability to find value in being an ordinary person in an ordinary day, in a society that often places a premium on "higher, faster, stronger."

I hope today's answer is helpful. I am Vin, a career planner with 22 years of experience in cross-industry management consulting. You are welcome to come and chat with me, or you can follow the WeChat public account: 职业规划师Vin.

Hello. From what you've written, I get the impression that you feel somewhat diminished or less optimistic about your self-perception. I'll try to explain my perspective, and I hope that my next answer will be helpful to you.

It is important to understand that there is a phenomenon in psychology known as the self-fulfilling prophecy effect. When we believe that we are not good enough or that our lives are not perfect, we tend to seek out evidence to support these beliefs. Unfortunately, this can lead to a vicious cycle where our negative thoughts become self-fulfilling. To break this cycle, it is helpful to practice positive mental suggestions. One simple way to do this is by starting each day with a positive mindset, reminding ourselves that we have a perfect life.

Secondly, it might be helpful to consider your situation and circumstances from a developmental perspective. From your writing, it seems that you may have a low sense of self-worth and relatively low self-esteem. You might find it beneficial to reflect on your experiences, both past and present, and ask yourself some questions, such as: How did you feel when you encountered a failure?

Everyone has the drive to constantly improve, which is inherent in human nature. However, setbacks and difficulties in achieving one's goals can lead to frustration. It's important to recognize these challenges and work towards resolving them.

I hope this message finds you well.

I would like to extend my love and appreciation to the world and to you.

Good day. My name is Xin Tan, and I am Coach Fei Yun.

I empathize with your perplexity, helplessness, and sense of powerlessness. I am uncertain about the future, the direction in which I should proceed, and the means by which I can achieve a breakthrough.

It is important to note that there are always multiple solutions to any given problem. Let us now turn our attention to the specific issues that are causing you concern.

Security and Self-Worth:

Anxiety is defined as a state of worry and fear about the future. These feelings are the result of the brain's interpretation of external stimuli, rather than a reflection of reality. When an individual feels that they lack control, they may experience anxiety, which can manifest as concerns about losing control and a sense of being unable to influence events.

A sense of security is a sense of certainty and control. On the one hand, it is derived from external sources, such as positive praise and recognition from others, as well as external/material security.

On the one hand, this sense of security arises from within. Individuals who possess a high sense of self-worth also exhibit a high sense of security. They demonstrate confidence in themselves and exhibit a sense of confidence in the future.

This encompasses the phenomenon of comparison with others, which is often accompanied by feelings of envy and even jealousy. This manifests as a sense of discontent and longing for what others possess, achieve, or attain, while one's own circumstances remain unchanged or unsatisfactory.

Envy and jealousy are emotional states that emerge when an individual observes another person enjoying or possessing an object or outcome that they also desire. In the event that they are unable to attain this object or outcome, they may experience psychological distress and even engage in harmful actions, with the hope that the other person will also be unable to enjoy or possess it.

Whether it is envy or jealousy, there is an underlying belief that one is inadequate. This perpetuates a low sense of self-worth.

The concept of self-worth can be defined as a subjective evaluation of oneself. During childhood and adolescence, children often internalize parental criticism, denial, and accusations as their own self-evaluations. This process can result in a low sense of self-worth, self-doubt, and self-negation.

One may avoid a sense of inferiority in comparison by switching from a horizontal comparison with others to a vertical comparison with oneself.

In addition, one may gain strength and hope.

Concurrently, there are two avenues through which self-worth can be enhanced.

1. Replenish your innate energy: As self-evaluation is derived from early growth experiences, psychological techniques such as hypnosis and family restructuring can facilitate healing.

2. Postnatal conditioning: It is advisable to avoid individuals who may have a detrimental effect on one's psychological well-being and to cultivate relationships with those who serve as sources of inspiration and support. It is beneficial to seek out individuals who can provide positive reinforcement and complement one's personal attributes.

For further details, please refer to my article, "It Turns Out That the Root Cause of Psychological Problems Is It."

It is imperative to cease the internal conflict.

If one does not embark on a journey, how can one ever arrive at one's destination? The use of words such as "resigned," "torn," "maybe," "but," and "I think" reveals a lack of confidence and action.

Internal conflict arises when there is a discrepancy between one's perceived ideal self and one's actual self. This internal discord can be conceptualized as a constant internal struggle between two opposing forces, akin to a constant internal tug-of-war.

Given the finite nature of human energy, it is pertinent to inquire as to where the requisite energy can be sourced to undertake other, arguably more worthwhile activities.

It is recommended that:

1. It is recommended that one focus on the present.

The present moment is characterized by action, which serves to mitigate anxiety. To illustrate this point, one might consider the contrast between the players on the field, who exhibit no anxiety despite their actions, and the spectators in the stands, who are anxious precisely because the players are taking action.

The most effective method for managing anxiety is to focus on the present moment.

2. It is recommended that you focus on yourself.

Transform internal depletion into internal cultivation. Through the process of learning, one should direct attention toward their own growth and maturation.

An individual who possesses a sense of inner wealth and self-worth is more likely to attract external sources of prosperity.

It is my sincere hope that the aforementioned information is beneficial to you and, indeed, to the world at large.

Should you wish to continue the communication process, you are invited to click on the "Find a coach" option, which can be found in the upper right-hand corner or at the bottom of the page. I will be available to communicate and grow with you on an individual basis.

I am pleased to respond to your inquiries. During our twenties or even earlier, many of us chose to leave our hometowns and relocate to larger cities, seeking to appear wealthy and stand out from the crowd. However, we eventually realize that we have not achieved our initial goals and become disillusioned with our former ambitions.

Additionally, individuals with whom they associate may be perceived as "unusual," and this can elicit feelings of anxiety and a reluctance to accept that their acquaintances have succeeded while they have not, despite having engaged in similar actions.

The majority of external factors that induce anxiety can be attributed to a discrepancy between psychological and realistic expectations, which gives rise to significant internal discrepancies among individuals. This discrepancy is inherent and cannot be alleviated, leading to the onset of anxiety. This phenomenon can be observed in our own lives. We aspire to reside in a vibrant metropolis, yet find it to be a chaotic environment. We strive to differentiate ourselves from the masses, to be distinctive and self-reliant, yet discover that we are not as accomplished as the "ordinary individuals" in our vicinity.

This inner imbalance has a detrimental effect on our mental health, leading to feelings of anxiety.

The question thus arises as to the appropriate course of action.

Firstly, it is important to accept the necessity of adapting to circumstances and fulfilling the obligations that arise in one's daily life. Regardless of the personal preferences and emotional states that may fluctuate, it is crucial to navigate the relationship between one's professional and personal lives.

Once a stable position has been secured and work has commenced, the individual will begin to experience a gradual stabilization of their emotional state. This process will require an investment of time.

Secondly, it is important to gain an understanding of one's own identity and to embrace it. When there is a lack of tangible achievements, individuals tend to engage in self-reflection and experience heightened levels of self-doubt.

Consequently, it is imperative to conduct a comprehensive self-examination to ascertain one's fundamental character traits. It is essential to recognize that no individual is inherently perfect and to subsequently embrace one's intrinsic qualities.

Ultimately, it is essential to enhance one's capacity for self-differentiation. In simple terms, this entails the ability to navigate the mundane aspects of daily life without being unduly influenced by emotional factors.

Specific methods for enhancement include the independent formulation of future plans and solo hiking, among other strategies.

It is my hope that the aforementioned responses prove to be of some assistance.

Hello question asker!

I understand your confusion and anxiety. You're unsure about your future. You want to return to your hometown, but you doubt your choice.

When you see your friends from childhood having a good life and a partner, it seems that you have achieved nothing and everything is not going well.

Set a deadline for finding a job. It may be difficult to find a job you like in your hometown. Sometimes you may need to lower your expectations. It may take a long time to find a job you like in your hometown.

Do you want to work in your hometown to spend more time with your parents, or is there another reason? As adults, we sometimes have to choose between two things.

You can also take the civil service exam, which is stable in your hometown. But it's not easy to pass.

Think about if your current abilities match the work and life you want. You can plan your career and learning.

When we have the confidence and resources to choose, we have more options. Anxiety and confusion are not just for young people in their twenties. Some planning is still needed, and some people feel lost in life when they reach middle age. However, at that time, the cost of trial and error may be high, and they may not try.

Take action to ease anxiety. What is your action?

You can improve your resume, apply to more companies, and when the time comes to find a job, do you start working or do you have other options? For example, you could start a business, take the civil service exam, or return to a big city to work for a while to accumulate experience and start-up funds.

Take some time to figure out why you're unhappy with your job search and what you can change. If you stay in your hometown, your life will be ordinary. Do you want that? If not, how will you change it? How long will it take? How much effort will you put in?

You can learn about career planning, your learning plan, and whether you can learn new skills to increase your income. Face the challenges you may encounter and have more confidence in yourself! Best wishes!

You may be reluctant, but there's nothing you can do but go for it!

[Look at other people]

When all his friends are thriving with great jobs and blissful families, he feels not just envy but also a burning desire to succeed.

Don't be jealous! Appreciate the hard work others are doing in places you don't know about.

On the other hand, everything else is just icing on the cake! There may also be the embarrassment of throwing up after a drinking party, the relationship between a daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law, and investment losses.

We absolutely don't need to belittle ourselves!

[Take a look at yourself]

When you want to go home, you have the exciting opportunity to distinguish whether you want to escape and return to the feeling of safety at home, surrounded by familiar people and things, or whether you think your hometown can be more suitable for your development.

Once upon a time, a university classmate started out in a small city. He was ready for a change! His work didn't go well, he felt that university was nothing, and then he went to Beijing. He was ready for a new adventure! But he couldn't afford to buy a house there, so he bought a house in the surrounding area. And he said that when you turn on your phone, Hebei Mobile welcomes you! He was so excited to be in Beijing.

Many people are worn down in the process, but this one has the amazing ability to persevere and also the incredible mental strength to not give up. If you give up first, no one else can help you, but if you keep going, you can do anything!

You mentioned that you are anxious, which proves that you actually have expectations within yourself. So, let's imagine where you want to be in five years!

What kind of life do you lead, and what kind of people are around you?

Find your area of expertise, and you will be better at it than others! Some colleagues are great at tidying up, while others like to study water and electricity, and they also go to help repair the community.

Everyone has their own area of expertise, and when they succeed the first or second time, they will become more and more confident!

You're doing great! Keep up the fantastic work!

Hello! I read your description of your current situation.

It's like my situation 20 years ago.

I was confused. I worked far from home in a job I didn't like. When I returned home, I couldn't find a job I liked.

Loneliness and helplessness on one side, income on the other.

You can't have your cake and eat it too.

My peers have all gone their separate ways.

And yet...

It's hard to find the right solution when you're at a crossroads.

It's impossible!

When we choose one option, we give up all the others.

But we have to choose, so what should we do?

My advice is:

Start from the heart!

You don't know what you want to do. Start from within to find it!

For example, you like to interact with people, make things, be with children, or daydream.

As long as it doesn't affect others and you like it, it's fine.

If you like to interact with others, you can find a job that involves dealing with people, such as sales. You can identify problems at work and keep learning, which will improve your skills. Similarly, if you like to use your hands and your mind, you can find a job that mainly involves using your hands and your mind.

What if you find something you like but you can't do it?

Study!

How do you know if you like it?

Doing what you like makes you happy and helps you find your value.

This is the foundation of success!

People selling insurance can be annoying, but why do they enjoy it? I think it's because they feel valuable in the sales process.

You're anxious because you can't find a goal and don't know what you like or should do.

You can't see your own value or resources.

We must recognize and discover these things within ourselves.

If you agree, move on to the next step.

Turning your interests into skills.

This process can be hard to do.

But don't worry, we know our weaknesses.

With courage, we can learn, practice, and experience things that enrich us.

Perseverance is key.

We'll find a way to solve the problems.

You can find success through hard work!

I wish you success!

March 8, 2022

Dear Sir/Madam, I am pleased to have this opportunity to engage with your query.

As individuals mature, the idealistic notions and aspirations that characterised their youth are often confronted with the realities of adulthood. The urban environment that initially held a certain allure may subsequently prove to be a less accommodating place. It can be challenging to find a receptive audience to whom one can confide the difficulties and challenges encountered in the pursuit of one's goals.

I previously perused the following aphorism: "If you do not apply yourself diligently, you will only be able to commend others in the future."

It is not that there is an absence of desire to work hard; rather, there is a sudden inability to discern a direction, which results in feelings of being lost and trapped.

Furthermore, why do individuals often experience envy towards their childhood friends? This phenomenon may be attributed to the perception that such friendships create the illusion of a shared starting point.

One might be led to believe that all individuals in the same area should be similar, and that the subject in question is somehow inferior. However, this is an illusion.

No two individuals are identical. They originate from disparate backgrounds, exhibit diverse physical characteristics, and engage in varying degrees of study and interpersonal interaction.

Therefore, the immediate manifestation is merely an illusion. To avoid comparing oneself to others, it is essential to look beyond the phenomenon and discern its essence. If one were to consider oneself a neighbor of Jack Ma, would one perpetually experience feelings of envy and irritation?

Consequently, in order to avoid comparing oneself to others, it is essential to maintain a state of mental equilibrium.

"Regardless of one's level of achievement, there are individuals who may be perceived as superior or inferior. To truly understand one's identity, it is essential to maintain an impartial perspective. However, this can be challenging for many individuals."

It is my conviction that you are a person who strives for improvement. Therefore, it is imperative that you plan your life well and persevere. Once you begin to persevere, you will have the opportunity to become someone that others envy. I am uncertain as to whether I should return to my hometown or continue residing in the metropolis.

It is possible that the questioner has also identified a solution: one path is characterized by effort and challenge, while the other is a state of ease and repose. After investing significant time and energy in one's endeavors, there is a natural inclination to seek a more tranquil and secure lifestyle.

However, it is important to note that taking a break does not equate to giving up. Given your youth, it is advisable to pursue your aspirations courageously, as any challenges encountered will eventually dissipate. One can metaphorically liken this process to that of cooking rice, where each step is a gradual ascent.

I encourage you to persevere.

Hello, questioner! I understand your current state of mind very well. Your thoughts also represent the thoughts of many people who have "drifted" to the big cities in the north, east, south, and west. You think it's easy to return to your hometown, but you can't because it doesn't have the life you want. You think the big city is big, but you feel like it doesn't have room for you.

You have had a hard time over the years! You are drifting away, and I am here to hug you.

You are upset because you have not achieved what you set out to achieve. You have returned to your hometown without a good result. You are hesitant because you have not found a place to stand and establish yourself. You have not yet found a lifestyle you like in the big city. You have a strong sense of unease because you do not feel a strong sense of belonging. Your hometown may not be an ideal place, but at least you have your parents and relatives there. You feel a sense of belonging and security.

Ultimately, you resent and feel uneasy because you still can't see yourself clearly. You don't know your own characteristics, potential, abilities, and interests. Consequently, you can't see the direction of your life.

When people cannot see themselves or the direction of their lives, they are most tired, mentally tired. It is not scary to be tired physically. But it is terrifying to be mentally tired, which will sap a person's spirit. You must find hope, a way forward, and a day of success.

Many people have this problem. You are not alone. Even in their forties, many people still can't see clearly. Some numb themselves, thinking they see clearly when they don't. Some simply give up trying to see clearly. Many young students also have "empty hearts," which is a similar problem.

You're not that old, and it's good that you're aware of this problem and feeling the pain now. The pain is a reminder that you need to focus on understanding yourself and your life direction as soon as possible. This is not a short-term task; it's a lifelong journey of research and exploration.

You have to try and explore boldly, and you have to allow mistakes. That's the only way. Just like a child, if you don't encourage him to take brave steps and don't allow him to fall, he will never learn to walk on his own. If you don't let him experience different new things, he will never know where his interests lie and what his talents are.

If we are not allowed to explore and make mistakes when we are young, it will lead to a loss of sight of ourselves and our direction. We must explore and make mistakes on our own when we grow up, and eventually discover our interests and potential.

I advise you to:

Go back to your hometown and take some time off. During this time, you will restore your physical strength and energy and find a sense of security again. A person's physical strength, energy, and sense of security are the foundation for bold exploration.

Once you've completed the above steps, find a job in your hometown. Avoid jobs that require favors or money from your family. These will increase your opportunity cost and sunk cost, making it difficult to leave. The purpose of this job is to experience your hometown's workplace, social skills, and lifestyle. See if you can understand and integrate. If you can, stay. If not, find a better job.

If you cannot understand and integrate it, you should consider returning to the big city.

Back in the big city, continue to explore yourself. Do various things (including formal work, informal work, part-time work, training courses and classes, volunteer activities, community activities and other public welfare activities, online or offline community activities, such as hiking organizations, etc.). Understand your relative strengths and weaknesses, summarize yourself, and learn from your outstanding peers and predecessors. Explore yourself and summarize yourself with an apprentice's mentality.

This is the good thing about big cities: there are so many things to do. A diversified work-life model is the best way to see yourself in a better, more complete, and more three-dimensional way. People are multifaceted, not defined by a single standard or dimension, and one's spiritual pillars should also be diverse. If you loosen one pillar, you won't collapse the entire spiritual system.

Come on! You will get to know a more diverse you and a more diverse direction in life in the exploration of more diversity!

Hello, dear host. I can see that you are feeling a bit confused and anxious right now. It's totally normal to feel this way when facing a big decision in life. You've got so much on the line and it's natural to feel a bit undecided and afraid of making the wrong choice. I can understand that you're feeling this way.

It's clear you're feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment, with work, not having a girlfriend, and not getting married all on your mind. I'm not sure how old you are, but I'm here to listen if you'd like to talk.

I can see that you're feeling a bit anxious because you're comparing yourself to the wrong person.

There's no right or wrong in comparison. What's important is the way we think about it.

I feel like you might be comparing yourself with the wrong person. Have you ever thought about comparing yourself with yourself? That could be a good way to see how much progress you've made from one day to the next. And it's always nice to see what you've gained from one day to the next, too!

I see you've had some ups and downs at work. It can be really tough when things aren't stable, and I admire you for taking the leap to stay at home. I'm curious, though, about why you made that choice. I'm sure there were good reasons, but it seems like you're feeling a bit frustrated.

? Where is your hometown? ?

I'm wondering if you know anything about the industry in your hometown?

I'm wondering if you've had a chance to brush up on the skills you need for your job?

I know it's tough, but try to follow your heart and don't regret it.

Do you want to grow and develop as a person, or do you want to spend more time with your loved ones? It's up to you! But whatever you choose, you'll need to be ready to take on the responsibilities that come with it.

When you get there, don't make a choice and then complain that you wish you'd made the other choice.

I really hope the host has the best of luck!