I am feeling very upset, jealous of my child's aunt. How can I improve?

Good day!

As a heart exploration coach, I believe that learning is one of the most valuable gifts we can give our bodies.

From your description, I can sense the feelings of jealousy, discomfort, pain, and helplessness that you are experiencing.

I won't go into the details of the problems you have because you are jealous of your child's aunt, but I would like to offer three pieces of advice:

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what you are jealous of your child's aunt for and why you feel bad.

You mentioned in your description that you had a challenging childhood, and that your recent interactions with your 2-and-a-half-year-old daughter have prompted you to reflect on your own family of origin. You feel a sense of worthlessness due to the personality of your mother-in-law, and although she treats you well, you feel somewhat constrained. You also admire your daughter's aunt because she can express her affection for your daughter in an unrestrained manner and can do whatever she wants in front of her mother without hesitation. It seems that this is the reason for your admiration of her. Are there any other reasons? You can think about it.

Additionally, you mentioned that you are in a bad mood. Could I inquire as to whether there are any other reasons for your bad mood, apart from jealousy?

From your description, it seems that you may also be experiencing some challenges with low self-esteem. It's understandable that you might feel self-doubt in front of your in-laws. It's also possible that you're not sure how to say no to others, given that they're very nice to you but you feel they are a bit overbearing. Additionally, it's understandable that you're not sure how to be a good mother, given that when you're taking care of your younger sister, you tend to neglect your older sister, your eldest daughter. It's important to recognize that these feelings and behaviors are not necessarily a reflection of who you are, but rather, they may be a result of a deeper issue. It's essential to identify the root cause of these negative emotions and work towards a solution.

It would be helpful to understand the reason so that you can find a way to deal with it.

Secondly, it might be helpful to take some time to think about the reasons you have identified and the role that jealousy might be playing.

It may be helpful to consider a more rational perspective in order to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and the reality around you.

To achieve this, it would be helpful to consider the following three steps:

It's important to remember that jealousy is a natural emotion, a part of human nature.

You mentioned that you feel envious of your child's aunt, and that you observe her engaging in activities that you believe you are unable to do. It's understandable that this feeling arises, as it's a common aspect of human nature. It's natural to feel this way when we don't possess something that someone else has. The key is to recognize that this sentiment exists on a spectrum, and to find ways to embrace your own circumstances.

It is important to remember that when you try to accept your current state, it is possible to promote change. This may sound a little contradictory, but it is true that change is based on the permission not to change.

Secondly, it might be helpful to remember that the current version of yourself is quite different from who you were in the past.

It's possible that your feelings of jealousy towards your child's aunt are influenced by your own childhood experiences. You mentioned that your parents were often in conflict, which might have made you feel timid and self-conscious. However, you've grown up, gained knowledge and experience, and it's likely that you can address your inner feelings of inferiority and anxiety.

It would be beneficial for you to identify your own strengths. It's not uncommon to overlook one's own abilities, but you have demonstrated that you have the capacity to express yourself effectively. Your willingness to recognize your shortcomings is a testament to your ability to reflect and grow. Your decision to seek assistance is a clear indication of your motivation and commitment to self-improvement. You possess a wealth of strengths, and it's important to recognize and believe in them.

Third, it may be helpful to remember that the status quo can be changed because you have the capacity to change.

When you put your subjective initiative into action, your state will naturally change. Here, you may find it helpful to view yourself from a developmental perspective. You want to be a good mother and control your emotions, and you can achieve this by spending time and energy. It may be helpful to consider the power of time in this process.

It might be helpful to view the situation from this rational perspective, as it could help to ease some of the negative emotions you are experiencing.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to focus on yourself and consider what you can do to feel better.

When you take the time to think about the reasons you have found and examine your various negative emotions in a calm and rational way, you may be able to identify the best course of action for you. At this point, it is important to focus on yourself and try your best to do a good job.

For instance, you might consider being honest and communicating well with your in-laws, including your child's aunts. You could tell them that you can see how good they are to you, but that it also makes you feel a little uncomfortable and like you can't catch your breath. You might find that when you calmly and dispassionately communicate with them in depth, they will most likely change and stop interfering too much in your lives, because they may not realize the trouble their actions cause you. This could also make you feel better.

If you feel you lack the courage or strength to communicate with them face-to-face, you might consider sticking to your own ideas and opinions in small matters first and seeing what happens. For instance, you could spend time with your children according to your own ideas and do whatever you want in front of them. After doing so, you may also show them that you have your own opinions. This could help you to establish boundaries and remind them not to interfere too much. Most importantly, you will experience the sense of confidence that comes from "being yourself."

It might also be helpful to have a good chat with your husband when you're feeling down. He is likely to be understanding and supportive, which could help you feel better. This could also be a good opportunity to express any negative emotions you're feeling, as this can sometimes help to heal.

You may also find it helpful to address your own shortcomings by accepting what cannot be changed for the time being, changing what can be changed, or reading some relevant books or learning from the experiences of the mothers around you, etc. When you purposefully allow yourself to grow, you may become confident and strong, not only surpassing your own family of origin, but also creating a relatively happy family atmosphere. In short, it is important to remember that you have the power to improve the current situation.

As you begin to take action, you may find that negative emotions in your heart are gradually resolved. It is often the case that taking action can help to overcome negative emotions.

Additionally, I would like to gently remind you that striving for perfection in motherhood is an unattainable ideal. A 60-point mother is a commendable figure in her own right. This perspective was put forth by the esteemed domestic psychologist Zeng Qifeng. You are welcome to learn more about it and I am confident it will be beneficial for you.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. If you would like to discuss further, you are welcome to click on "Find a Coach" at the bottom of the page, and I will be happy to communicate with you one-on-one.

Hello, question owner!

I can tell you're overthinking things, which is making you confused. You're also blaming yourself for things you haven't done, which is unfair. It must be exhausting to feel like you're not good enough.

You're overwhelmed by everything going on, so you don't know what you want or what to do. You're pushing yourself and convincing yourself, but you don't know how to understand yourself!

Let's sort out your thoughts.

You have an inferiority complex and feel that you are not good enough because of the influence of your family of origin. Everyone has limitations as a child of their parents, and we cannot choose our parents. Perhaps at that time they only had enough energy to take care of their own affairs and did not have any spare energy to take care of and manage their children's emotions. We really are the neglected child! We have to admit this, and we cannot change this fact. However, we can change the impact this has on us!

You know the importance of family and have undoubtedly considered what kind of family you want to give your children. Our past affects us, but it does not define us!

You can give yourself the life you want through self-growth and self-healing!

Your in-laws are very nice to you, but they need to learn to set some boundaries. This kind of kindness seems a bit off, and you can't put your finger on what's wrong! You often feel helpless and inadequate! This shows that you lack inner strength and are afraid to speak up for yourself.

Think about what you're afraid of or concerned about. Decide what you want your children to do before you feel comfortable.

You need to think about this. Once you have thought about it, when your mother-in-law or your child's aunt crosses the line again, you can firmly tell them what you think. You can express your thoughts in this way: state what you have observed, your feelings, your needs, and make a request.

This expression isn't directed at anyone in particular. It simply means that their approach is inappropriate, not that you're targeting the mother-in-law and the child's aunt. Inner strength will also grow gradually through self-growth and learning!

I took care of my younger daughter, which made me feel that my older daughter was being neglected. I couldn't take care of her myself, and she got along well with her aunt. You were jealous of your child's aunt.

Think about this: what else is there in this jealousy? Is there a sense of comparison, a feeling that you are not as good as your child's aunt?

Children who are often neglected all think the same thing: they always feel that others are better than themselves, and that they are the ones who are always being criticized. You revert to your childhood state at this moment.

You want to know how to be a good mother and how to make your child happy.

You are a good and responsible mother who cares about making your child happy and knows the importance of a mother in a family! However, there is no clear answer to this question, and it requires us to learn and explore slowly.

Mothers have a profound impact on their children, particularly girls. As mothers, we must prioritize our own well-being to foster positive relationships with our children.

Be a role model for your children! You've heard it before: being a 60-point parent is enough.

Take care of yourself. Get in shape. You'll be a better mother and a better person for it.

There are many ways to grow yourself, such as reading books on self-growth, attending salons at local psychological institutions, and listening to related courses! I am confident that my reply will help you. Best regards!

Good day. I extend to you a warm greeting from a distance.

It is important to acknowledge and recognize your emotional state, as a clear understanding is the first step towards positive change.

It is important to note that emotions are neither inherently positive nor negative. Rather, they are a reflection of unmet expectations or unfulfilled needs. Therefore, it is essential to recognize, accept, and respond to emotions in a constructive manner.

From your description, it is evident that the discordant relationship between your parents in your own family has caused significant distress, particularly with regard to the potential impact on the physical and mental health of your child. In the context of the considerable kindness demonstrated by your in-laws, you experience a strong sense of unease and a sense of being undeserving of their kindness.

In particular, when the aunt and child, the mother-in-law, are overly intimate, you experience a strong sense of jealousy and anxiety about being replaced.

As you have observed, these distressing emotional states are often the result of traumatic experiences in your family of origin that have been activated early in life. For instance, you experience ambivalence regarding the positive interactions between your mother-in-law and your child's aunt. In other words, you find it challenging to openly accept their kindness and feel a sense of inadequacy or inability to reciprocate, which can create a psychological burden. However, you are hesitant to directly express your true feelings, fearing that they may withdraw their kindness in response.

Your aunt's jealousy is not only due to her greater level of intimacy with the child than you do, which has caused the child to emotionally attach to her almost as much as to you. This is an instinctive form of jealousy as a mother, as every mother wants to be the most important and loved person in the child's eyes. Additionally, because your parents did not get along in your early years, your mother may not have been emotionally sensitive or accepting towards you. It is more likely that she neglected you, as she would unintentionally project onto you the emotional and emotional part that she lacked from your father, and you were unable to respond to this part of her. As a result, you may feel a strong sense of guilt and self-blame, thinking that your mother's sadness and grief are all your own doing. This has led to your inability to face and accept your mother's love openly, and of course it is also difficult for your mother to give you love. However, your inner longing for maternal love will not diminish as a result, but will only increase exponentially.

When you observe your child's aunt engaging in intimate behavior with your mother, it can evoke feelings of unmet needs and responses. In such instances, it is common to experience feelings of envy and anger, which can manifest as jealousy. What are your thoughts on this matter?

It would be beneficial to be aware of the underlying needs associated with these uneasy, jealous emotional feelings. One effective method for doing so is to maintain an emotional diary, which can assist in better perceiving and understanding emotions, exploring the underlying needs, and ultimately, identifying more effective ways to respond.

As an example, you may wish to consider disclosing your true feelings to your husband and expressing your desire for his understanding, acceptance, and support. In particular, you may find it beneficial to discuss your family of origin with your husband to enhance his understanding and encourage him to be more accepting, understanding, and supportive. Additionally, you may wish to express these feelings to your mother-in-law and your children's aunts, as they all love you very much. As long as you are willing to open up to them, they will undoubtedly strive to be accepting, understanding, and supportive.

Additionally, it is important to develop a more positive self-image, enhance your self-confidence, and recognize your intrinsic value. While acknowledging shortcomings in your personal growth, it is essential to recognize the abundance of love you have received, as this shapes your ability to form strong relationships with others.

What are your thoughts on this matter? When you become aware of what you owe, you will endeavor to identify an optimal method for responding and fulfilling it.

I hope that my sharing can provide you with some support and assistance.

Strictness and niceness are both forms of control. The niceness can be overwhelming, akin to the intensity of sunlight. It is possible that your mother-in-law is an exceptional person, which may make you feel inferior and jealous.

However, as the child's mother, it is not feasible for her to indulge her child, as children require obedience and discipline during this developmental period. Her in-laws will also act in her best interests. She can express her views on how certain things should be done and see if they can make some changes.

The subject reports feelings of intense distress, accompanied by a sense of jealousy. They inquire as to how their child's aunt might improve their conduct.

I have experienced a particularly distressing period. My parents continue to have difficulties in their relationship.

It is important to reflect on one's own problems when experiencing a multitude of concerns.

The emotion of jealousy can manifest in various forms and can be experienced by individuals in different contexts. It is an emotion that can be triggered by a sense of loss, whether real or perceived, and can manifest as feelings of envy, resentment, or a desire to possess something that another individual possesses.

The concept of control is multifaceted and can be understood in various ways. It encompasses the ability to influence or direct the actions of others, as well as the capacity to regulate one's own actions and those of others within a given context.

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether there are any aspects of their conduct that elicit feelings of discomfort. When an individual experiences a sense of powerlessness in numerous domains, it may be indicative of the infringement upon their rights and freedoms.

Furthermore, it is possible for individuals within a family unit to exercise their own decision-making authority.

It is recommended that communication occur with mutual respect.

It is recommended that efforts be made to establish a harmonious and happy family atmosphere through collaborative efforts.

It is possible for both parties to respect each other, even when there are differences in approach, personality, and parenting style. It is possible to find common ground and accommodate for differences for the benefit of the family unit, the children, and the individual's own positive development.

The inferiority complex that you have may still affect your self-esteem, and your behavior may make you feel that you are not capable of having a positive influence on others. You are afraid that your negative emotions will affect your daughter's growth. At this time, you also need to understand the emotions that you are experiencing.

It is possible that children in the family may prefer to see a family member who is emotionally stable. When one is jealous of one's aunt because she is not bound by any rules, it may be the case that this is how one's aunt wants to be. She is free in her own way, while a mother needs to teach her children how to behave. It is possible to be kind to her while also setting some requirements.

It is important to note that children require discipline and cannot do whatever they want. Perhaps because the requirements have been relaxed, she is very attached to her aunt. However, some habits still need to be corrected, and it is essential to discuss with your family how to adjust and still have some rules in place.

In the absence of rules, it is impossible to achieve anything. A healthy lifestyle can make your child happier and more resilient. You can be an adequate mother by combining firmness and kindness. I advise you to read How to Say, So That Children Can Get Along Peacefully, National Education Experts on Early Childhood Education, The Best Parenting Is Not Anxious, and Other People's Mothers Don't Yell or Scream. You can also consult with a heart exploration coach about your concerns. Best of luck!

Please clarify the question.