I am good at listening to others speak, but do others not want to listen to me?

Hello, questioner! I just had to laugh when I heard your last words. Not only are you a person with a strong ability to empathize, but you are also very honest and straightforward. Not only do you know the psychological needs of others, but you also know your own needs, and you are willing to speak openly about them. You are truly admirable and endearing!

I give you a big thumbs up!

We can see your grievances and unwillingness, but we can also see your sincerity! You are obviously sincere, but you cannot win others' sincerity. Once you express your thoughts, you will be criticized for not being in line with other people's thinking. It is really difficult to be a good person! But you are doing a great job!

And the best part is that while doing these free good deeds, we have also strengthened our ability to listen with empathy. This is a gift you have, and no matter how good a gift is, it will easily deteriorate without practice. But don't worry, because you can practice!

And there's more! When you listen to others, you're also learning about human nature. It's often subtle, but it's there! Without careful observation and listening, and without being as observant as a hawk, it's difficult to understand a person's true thoughts and character. But when you listen, you get to know the person. And later, when you're getting along, you'll know whether this person can be deeply trusted, whether they're reliable, and what kind of things such a person is suitable for spending time together. This is the greatest benefit you gain from listening!

This may sound very utilitarian, but it's true! Although this benefit wasn't your original intention, it will actually have this effect. What I want to say is that you gain so much from listening. What you gain is even more joyful than paid work! This may be the driving force hidden in your heart: in listening, you feel that you are needed and valuable, and you are happy in helping others.

I want to encourage you to keep up the great work! You're doing amazing things that are beneficial to you and others. Take the Yi Xinli Q&A platform, for example. Our counselors get rewarded for their answers, but it's not about the money. We're here to help and make a difference. It's so rewarding to see how much happiness we can bring to others. And from a self-interested perspective, answering one question a day lets us establish our own cognitive world. It's a great way to feel needed and valuable!

So, many things may seem free, but they have great hidden benefits! Haha!

But you will be distressed because others will not listen to you, and some will turn their back on you because they cannot accept your true feelings. Look!

And there's another amazing benefit to listening! Bad things often turn out for the better, allowing us to recognize true human nature and see the true faces of many people. So, be careful who you let into your life. Those who seek you out when they have a problem, but become impatient when you seek them out, and those who break off friendships at the slightest inconvenience, are people you probably shouldn't be close friends with.

This is exactly how you can successfully avoid pitfalls!

Of course, we must also see that some people may not seem to be as good at listening as you are. And that's okay! It may not necessarily be because they are bad people. It is very likely that they just don't have the same empathy or expression skills as you. This is something we can work on together! Not everyone has the ability to empathize and listen. In many cases, it depends on talent or deliberate training. If this is the case, you get to discern whether the other person is like this.

As the saying goes, "Traveling ten thousand miles is better than reading ten thousand books, and traveling ten thousand miles is better than meeting numerous people." You can practice "meeting numerous people" by listening, not only to understand a person's character, but also their abilities, what they are good at and what they are not good at, so as to avoid going to someone who is not good at listening.

I want to leave you with one last thought: your empathy is your gift. But don't forget to set your own boundaries too! If you've reached your limit when it comes to listening and it's starting to affect you, you can learn to say no. I know it might be tough, but if you want to keep cherishing and protecting your enthusiasm and gift, you've got to learn to set limits. If people stop associating with you because of your refusal, just ignore them! This is a great way to screen your friends. And here's another truth about human nature: relationships without boundaries and being nice without knowing how to say no sometimes encourage greed.

I'm sure our lovely "listener" will meet someone suitable for them to confide in soon! It can be tricky to find a true friend in life, but once you do, you must cherish them. I hope you will meet someone who will cherish you as well!

Hello, I'm Lin Yile. I can understand how you feel, so I'd like to give you a hug and help.

You seem like a kind person who cares about others. But you're having trouble finding someone to listen to you when you need it. You say they won't listen to you, and sometimes you say things you regret. You've also had people turn their backs on you. It must be hard.

If you'd like, I can look at it more closely. From what you said, it seems like you usually make him feel good, and when you need him, he doesn't care about your feelings. He's not worth being your friend. A good relationship is mutually supportive. Don't get angry. You've lost an unsuitable friend, and he's lost a sincere and warm person. Who's the loser?

You listen to others and try to understand them. This is good. You said you are willing to pay for a counselor to help you release emotions. But counselors charge for this. You feel bad when others don't listen to you. I understand. I will tell you about the differences between counseling and chatting with friends.

Counselors and listening teachers understand their clients and help them think for themselves.

Talking to friends is a form of social interaction and an expression of our care for each other.

A counselor is objective. A friend is not.

There is also confidentiality, a focus on the client, and clear boundaries.

A counselor is like an off-field coach, while friends are like teammates. They are both important, but their roles and perspectives are different.

I hope you can warm yourself while you warm others. You seem kind, and I hope you meet more people who understand and care about you. Yixinli will be there for you when you need it. May you be happy every day.

Hello friend, I can relate to your story. I've had similar experiences and feelings. I understand your inner turmoil, disappointment, and anger.

You know yourself well and know that you are a good listener. You are also aware that you tend to attract people who complain to you. You are also very willing to listen to and comfort others, and in this respect, you are a kind and warm-hearted person.

You know how to make others feel comfortable during a chat, which shows you are sensitive. You are good at sensing the emotions of others and aware of your own emotions.

If you don't release and resolve your own emotions, you'll feel lost and aggrieved.

You are eager to be a listener for others, yet no one is willing to listen to you and express themselves. You want others to treat you the way you want them to treat you.

When this need is never satisfied, your emotions become unbalanced. You have gone from being a loving and energetic person to feeling aggrieved, disappointed, and even a little angry.

It's normal to feel this way when you've been treated unfairly. You should decide whether you want to continue listening to other people in the future.

Furthermore, you are troubled by the fact that you attract people who complain to you but cannot attract people who are willing to listen to you. You have already identified the reason yourself.

You said you're a humble, low-key, and calm person, but that's not enough. You need to talk about your emotions. If you don't, it's hard for others to understand what you need.

Those people you attract who like to complain to you are not low-key and calm people. They may like to complain to the people around them about trivial matters. They are proactive, and you happen to be willing to listen, so it seems that they are attracted to you. But in fact, you are attracted to each other.

You can't attract people who are willing to listen to you because you haven't opened yourself up. It doesn't matter if the person you're talking to is willing to listen to you; you two can't attract each other because attraction is mutual. I hope that my understanding can eliminate your confusion.

Finally, I want to be clear that being good at listening to others is an advantage and a manifestation of your radiance. You can be aware of your feelings. Accept them.

Or do you resist? I know the answer is in your heart.

#Hello, I'm Gu Yi, modest and consistent—and I'm here to help!

From your description, I can feel your warmth, and I can also feel your self-doubt, which I think is totally normal!

Other people love to confide in you!

We absolutely should have a judgment in our hearts about this issue. Others like to confide in you, which is great!

The first reason is that you are an amazingly patient emotional trash can, allowing the other person to pour out their bad emotions like they would to you.

The second reason is that you can listen to them from their perspective, affirm them, and make the person confiding in you feel justified.

And there's another reason! Your patience and attentiveness make more people want to confide in you, rather than be friends.

2. Why others don't like to listen to you.

In the role you have been assigned, you are the emotionally stable confidante who can listen quietly to the other person's hysterical rants in a timely manner. They are used to this identity positioning, but your sudden rants make them not know how to listen, and this is one reason.

Your amazing ability to listen makes you think your relationship is already great and that you should be the best of friends. But here's the thing: people who are on the same journey often become friends. And you two are not on the same journey, so you're not quite there yet. But that's okay!

It's totally normal for the other person not to be good at listening. That means you get to choose the right person for you to talk to!

Not everyone is good at listening, but that's okay! There are many people who are unwilling to listen to others because of their personality, but that doesn't mean you have to be one of them.

So we choose the right person for us, someone who is willing to listen to us! And you may not feel this way anymore.

Wishing you all the best!

Hello, host.

I can relate to your situation. I've been there, and I'm here to help.

It's clear that being a good listener is an advantage. But in today's world, many people find it hard to listen to others. This has led to a situation where no one is listening to you. As one of the few patient listeners, you may find yourself overwhelmed by the words poured out to you. This is why listeners also need to be listened to. It's a two-way street.

You need to take control of this situation. What can you do to alleviate it?

1. Be clear about what you are giving.

The listener is often forgotten after the confiding is over, and over time, some people may even take it for granted. You must tell them how many times you have listened, and that in the process of listening, you have given your time, emotions, and energy. This is not an easy task.

2. Re-establish the image of the "confessor."

You may have always been a gentle listener, but that doesn't mean you don't have weight. It's time to tell your friends that you need to be listened to too. You have worries and needs just like anyone else.

3. Find new people to talk to.

If one path is blocked, find another. Seek help psychologically or find other ways and people to talk to. There are still many people who are willing to listen to you.

Master the art of active listening. It's a rare quality that will become your greatest asset in the future. Learn to leverage your abilities and avoid internal conflicts. The road ahead may be uncertain, but the future is bright.

Hello! I saw your question and I'm excited to help. You said that you are good at listening to others, but that others don't listen to you. What's the reason for that?

Have you ever thought about this? It's a fascinating topic!

The great thing about human communication is that it's a natural expression. It's a two-way street: others will only want to talk to you if they feel like it, and your willingness to listen is what attracts them to you.

So when it comes to listening to others, ask yourself this: do you really like listening to others willingly? If you do, great! But if there's an unbalanced and unwilling listening in your heart, it will cause psychological conflict.

If others describe you as a warm-hearted person, listening to others is an excellent way to communicate! Another important point is that if we really want to warm others' hearts and listen to them, it comes from our own side and is our inner need. However, don't make others listen to you and demand that they definitely listen to you, as this will make people feel unbalanced.

We love to listen and help others, and we ourselves also gain something. So, if you go to listen to others and definitely require the person who listens to you to repay you, and require the other party to definitely listen to what you say, this is a kind of self-restraint.

It is everyone's right to make their own choices. You have the power to talk to someone else and let them choose whether or not to listen. Similarly, if someone approaches you to listen, you have the freedom to accept or decline.

But here's the thing: listening is not a bargaining chip that requires reciprocation. I'm speaking for myself here, because I used to be a neurotic, in-group communicator. Many people asked me to share their problems, and I was happy to do so. I also listened to their problems and worries. But I don't require that when I'm in a bad mood, I must go and talk to them and let them listen to me.

So, it's not the same thing at all!

And there's more! When you choose to listen, choose wisely. Find someone who gets you and who you can really connect with. Listen to yourself. You go to those who seek your listening, people who need your help, and even people who are resistant to others' confessions. Choose wisely who you confide in.

Keep your thoughts and worries to yourself unless you feel comfortable sharing them with people who understand you.

You mentioned modesty and humility later, which is a great thing! Be yourself and don't compare your shortcomings and inadequacies with the strengths of outstanding people. You've got strengths of your own, so focus on those!

Everyone has their own strengths and advantages, and it's so important to gain insight into yours and develop them!

And there's more! It's also important to balance yourself. I've been on some training courses on psychotherapy, and I'm excited to share what I've learned. As a counselor, you're not a trash can. You're a channel! Your job is to help the client sort out their own perceptions, emotions, and other problems so that they can recognize reality, understand themselves, and accept themselves.

Overall, your writing is full of inner complaints and an unbalanced attitude. This is totally normal! We all have our ups and downs. The key is to be aware of yourself and look at people and things from a broader perspective. Don't let yourself be bound by your own limited thoughts and ideas. You have so much potential! By letting go of these limitations, you can live life more freely and with an open mind.

Dear Question Asker,

You are a humble and kind individual who excels at the role of a listener in interpersonal relationships. You bring warmth and comfort to your colleagues, ease their emotions, and put them in a good mood. This is something you are good at doing, and you are low-key and never show off or compare yourself to others. There will always be people around you seeking your help and listening to your opinions and ideas!

Assisting others is an effective method for fostering personal satisfaction.

However, you are facing a challenge: people are reluctant to listen to you.

It is inevitable that we all experience negative emotions from time to time. It is not possible to remain positive and optimistic all the time. However, when we express these negative emotions, it is not always easy to find someone willing to listen to our demands in a serious manner. Those who are usually close to us may even distance themselves from us at such times.

The most troubling aspect of this situation is the abrupt dissolution of a friendship due to a few unfortunate remarks. This incident has undoubtedly caused you distress, prompting the question: Is being a good listener the sole prerequisite for maintaining friendships?

".

Please find an explanation below:

1. Individuals who are inclined to express dissatisfaction are often disinclined to hear others express similar sentiments.

2. When you consistently present yourself as a listener, your image will be perceived as fixed in others' impressions: "You are just like that!"

In the eyes of a client with a specific need, the client is likely to view you as the ideal candidate for the role.

3. Your ability to listen attentively is a valuable asset. Individuals who require a listening ear will seek you out. They may be willing to hear your emotions, but may lack the capacity to do so. They cannot be as effective a listener as you.

4. You have the option of seeking out a suitable confidant, rather than waiting for them to approach you. You can proactively build connections with individuals who are open to listening to you. You have the autonomy to make these decisions, and you possess the necessary skills and resources to do so.

Maintain a positive outlook and demonstrate confidence.

Good day, question asker. I am aware of the circumstances you have outlined and can discern the emotional state you are in from your words.

I would like to extend my sincerest thanks for your kind assistance.

Firstly, you have identified that other individuals are inclined to confide in you due to your perceived trustworthiness and ability to provide reassurance. This is a commendable observation.

It is often more challenging to learn to listen than to learn to talk.

Furthermore, it is often the case that individuals will express their own difficulties to you, but are reluctant to listen to your concerns. It is important to recognise that effective communication is a two-way process, and not everyone is able to act as a good listener.

It is important to recognize that everyone has a limited ability to empathize, and that genuine empathy is not a universal quality. If you do not receive a response from someone you confide in, I would recommend reading the following passage, which I came across on Zhihu. I hope it will be of benefit to you.

Best regards, [Name]

When experiencing distress, it is advisable to remain silent.

✳️ Disturbances are your own, not someone else's. It is relatively simple to find someone to talk to, but it is not always the case that everyone understands you, and not everything will go as you wish. It may be the case that other people are just looking for a good time, but your troubles will not go away. You are still the one who suffers.

When you are upset, you experience an indescribable feeling; a knot that cannot be untangled, a torment that cannot be torn apart. This is an accidental occurrence, but also an inevitable one. However, there is no need to be overly concerned. There is a limit to the number of twists and turns, and once it passes, everything will be fine. The key is to let it go and allow it to disappear.

In the business world, no one is expected to be more accommodating than anyone else, and no one is obliged to pay for your emotions. Silent and unheard feelings, emotions that are neither sad nor happy, forgetting is the best relief, and silence is the best way to express yourself.

When faced with a challenging situation, it is often beneficial to take a moment to collect your thoughts and process your emotions. By doing so, you can gradually let go of any concerns and allow them to dissipate.

The past should be regarded as a closed chapter, and the beginning should be viewed as a fresh start.

This is the extent of my response. I hope it proves helpful. Best regards, I'm 栤.

I am in Yixin, and I extend my best regards to you all.

Hello, I hope you find these views helpful.

Many people believe that communication and coordination simply means getting others to accept their ideas and opinions. However, it's important to remember to observe the real needs of others. For instance, I have a disciple who often says, "I'm thinking of you, so you must accept my advice," when communicating and coordinating with others.

Then they inquired, "Do you find it challenging to accept?"

This kind of communication is not as effective as it could be. In actual communication, it's important to first ask the other person what difficulties they have and what they need.

What might be helpful in this situation? It depends on the resources you can offer. It's important to recognize that others may have different perspectives and may not necessarily accept your approach.

If the conversation is one-sided, it may be helpful to consider that the other person may not be listening for the same reasons.

Perhaps the reason why others are reluctant to listen to you is because you could improve your communication skills.

1. It would be beneficial to seize the moment for key conversations.

In 1960, Stanford University conducted an experiment, known as the "Marshmallow Experiment," to study the impact of impatience in childhood on development. Some two-year-olds were given a piece of delicious candy.

The children were given the option to either eat the candy immediately or wait a few minutes to receive two more pieces. Interestingly, those who ate the candy immediately did not perform as well in subsequent growth assessments as those who waited patiently to get the two more pieces.

It also encourages those who wish to be heard. It is important to be patient and to be willing to be heard yourself, while also waiting for an opportune moment. When is an opportune moment to speak up?

Ideally, communication would occur in a familiar, quiet environment with sufficient time allotted for both parties to express themselves.

It would be beneficial to be well prepared to make ourselves heard, to find out which arguments and facts support our ideas. Having the ability to say what you want to say in a clear and effective manner can also facilitate communication.

Otherwise, regardless of how promising the opportunity may be, it may prove challenging to salvage the communication.

During a conversation, it is important for the speaker to be mindful of how their words might affect the emotions of the other person. To ensure a smooth conversation, it is helpful to understand the reasons behind the other person's discomfort and adapt one's approach accordingly.

Perhaps if Julian had sensed the other person's anger sooner and adjusted his approach, he might have been able to better convey his challenges.

It might be helpful to think about boundaries when talking. It could be beneficial to define the boundaries and specific conditions of communication, which might make it easier for us to be heard.

If the other person is deaf, distracted, or combative, it may be best to wait for another, better opportunity to continue the conversation.

2. It is important to maintain a calm and composed demeanor when ensuring initiative.

It is important to consider the psychological state of both parties to a communication, as this can influence the form of communication and the way we express ourselves. If communication begins with a rant, it may be challenging for the person in charge of the conversation to open up fully, and it may be difficult to hear and understand later on.

In our daily lives and at work, it is important to be mindful of our emotions when expressing our thoughts. If we do not control our negative emotions, they can affect the other person and give them a bad feeling, which can often lead to communication issues or even arguments.

To maintain control of your emotions, it may be helpful to consider the following questions before you start talking: How do you approach conversations with people who may not be fully engaged? How can you ensure that your message is understood?

How might we encourage the other person to be interested in listening to our problems?

One possible solution to these problems is to learn to trust yourself. It may be helpful to consider that sometimes we are not confident because we see others as a threat.

If we can learn to see others as individuals rather than as threats, we can begin to change our habitual perceptions and natural inclinations. When we interact with others, we naturally feel confident.

If you feel comfortable doing so, you might consider politely asking the other person to listen to you, even if you encounter some obstacles along the way. If the other person seems impatient during the conversation, you could gently suggest that taking a moment to speak more slowly might help them understand you better.

When expressing ourselves, it is important to maintain a balance between confidence, optimism, and charm, while also being mindful of not being overly assertive. Having a clear goal and a clear understanding of what we want to say can help us be heard.

Even when faced with challenging circumstances.

It might be helpful to put yourself in the other person's shoes.

It's natural to assume that people understand us when we speak, but it's important to remember that everyone thinks at a different speed. There's a chance that the other person may not fully understand what you're saying during the conversation and may ask you to repeat yourself or even make comments that have nothing to do with what you're saying.

At this point, it might be helpful to pause and check in with the other person to see if they understand. If not, you could either rephrase what you said or listen to them first.

The renowned psychologist Jean Piaget posited that a seven-year-old child is capable of understanding the opinions and intentions of others. It is often said that to be listened to, one must be prepared to listen.

I believe that listening is not just about hearing with the ears, but also about feeling with the mind and heart.

In order to facilitate open communication and foster closeness in the relationship, it is essential to strive for a balance that goes beyond relying on our imagination to shape the image of others, which can often lead to expectations and evaluations.

Vincent's career requires him to listen. He has some suggestions for how to be a good listener: "When I want someone to listen to me, I often start with their questions or thoughts. I've found that this helps them pay more attention to what I say.

Listening is a two-way street. When a listener trusts you, they are more likely to listen to you more attentively.

If you also listen to the other person, they may be more likely to understand you through empathy, rather than refusing to listen to you with the slightest bit of interest.

A good listener is attentive to both what is said and what is thought.

By asking the right questions, we can gain a deeper understanding of what the other person is trying to convey, even if they are struggling to find the right words.

Hello, host! I'm going to say something you might not want to hear.

I'm great at listening to people and I'm happy to try to understand them.

I know how to make people feel at ease, whether we're chatting or spending time together.

This is just a container for emotional rubbish, and you won't get anything else out of it.

In life, you always attract people who like to complain.

Other people just see you as a dumping ground for their emotional problems, and they feel better. To them, you're just a receptacle for their negative feelings.

You've been taking on a lot of negative feelings for a long time. This shows that you don't know how to love yourself, let alone love others. The so-called skill of listening and making people feel comfortable is just an illusion.

No matter where the complainer vents, they'll feel a bit better. Second, you also have a strong need to depend on others and expect more in return.

People who love to complain are so afraid of avoiding you that they can't possibly be your emotional container. People who work hard to improve themselves understand the need to work hard themselves, and they'll naturally stay away from you, unwilling to give you the opportunity to pour out your heart.

If you want people to listen to you, you have to be valuable to them. Think of it this way: you're like a psychologist who finds treasures in the trash, helps people transform their emotions, or helps them understand themselves better.

Perhaps it can begin with setting boundaries and refusing to take on other people's emotional issues.

Just a heads-up: The above is for reference only. Best wishes!

Dear Question Asker,

It is noteworthy that you possess the rare quality of being a good listener. Many celebrities attribute their success to their ability to listen effectively, and this trait is likely a significant factor in their achievements.

On the other hand, you are an excellent listener, but others are reluctant to listen to you, which causes you some difficulty. It appears that they simply come to you to express their emotions.

On occasion, the act of attending to the emotional needs of others can result in a lack of opportunity to address one's own emotional state. What was previously a source of advantage has now become a significant challenge, negatively impacting the quality of your life.

I believe there are two key issues that require your attention.

It is important to identify your true friends. True friends are willing to give and take.

If you listen to someone's negative emotions and help them sort out their problems, then when you have problems yourself, a true friend should care about you. It is possible that the other person is not aware of the best way to listen, but they will demonstrate their care. It is important to identify the situation yourself.

Subsequently, it is essential to establish clear boundaries. Individuals who genuinely care about your well-being are worthy of your time and energy.

It would be prudent to decline further involvement with individuals who have previously demanded a significant time commitment and have not reciprocated with respect. Given your current workload, it may be advisable to terminate these relationships.

I believe you already have a solution in mind for these two points. I can see that you are a very kind person, but everyone has their limits.

It is essential to ensure that we are living a fulfilling life for ourselves before we can effectively support our family and friends.

Therefore, adherence to your principles is one way to ensure this.

I am a keen follower of Yi Psychology. I am currently exploring ways to navigate life's challenges, sharing insights gained from my experiences to support others, and I am eager to extend this support to you.

? Throwing the ground without sound.

Let me be clear: other people don't want to listen to you because what you want to say is not what they want to hear. It's like in a company training session, where the lecturer is talking on stage while the employees are sleeping below because they're not on the same channel.

Listen attentively and understand the situation clearly before giving advice. Don't chat with just anyone. If someone is playing a game and you're not, you can't empathize with them on the topic of games.

? Increase your energy:

You need to stop worrying about what others think of your words. They don't care about what you say because you don't have enough energy to hold their attention. This is the root cause, and it has nothing to do with whether what you say is good or bad. They don't think you are important. Don't be sad about it. If no one is listening, speak less, study more, and see more of the world. Your conscious energy will increase, and you will have something to shine on. Then, they will take you seriously. Your words will also carry weight.

There's no doubt about it: learning is the way to go.

Consider yourself a seed, buried in the soil of knowledge, rooting and sprouting with all your heart. You are still nothing, but you will become something great.

When the time is right, you will break through the soil, grow with the wind, and become a towering tree. You will have no less glory than you deserve.

You've got this!

Questioner:

Hello (^_^)/, I read your text.

I think you might have some doubts and grievances. Why don't you

You're willing to listen to others, but you also doubt whether they treat you with respect.

You think you're warm-hearted, willing to listen to others, and a good judge of character. So you start looking for reasons in yourself.

You're right, you're low-key, not showy, and calm. Those are your strengths.

But have you shown your strengths to others? Do they know about the strengths you mention?

I'm not sure what you mean by "these merits."

Is this an evaluation from just one person, or is it something others have said too?

Or is that something a lot of people say? I once heard someone say, "If someone distances themselves from you, that's their problem."

"If a bunch of people are distancing themselves from you, maybe it's your problem." Just imagine if

If you can bring joy and laughter to others,

I believe there are many people who are willing to listen to you.

If your complaining affects others, it'll definitely make them feel bad.

For instance, when everyone else is resting or studying.

If you complain about your work or studies out loud, others will definitely not accept it.

Have you ever thought that maybe it's not that you're not good enough, but that you don't have the

This is just his one shortcoming, really.

Often, people just don't want to listen to what you have to say. There could be a number of reasons why.

?️?️?️?️Make what you say seem worthless to others.

This value could include the happiness you can bring to others.

Or you can show others how to make money, or what you say can strike a chord with them.

Try to empathize with his feelings.

If you don't explain it clearly,

If your logic isn't clear, people might get confused along the way.

It might be making people confused and stopping them from understanding the main point.

A sense of substitution isn't particularly strong.

Imagine you're in the situation you've created.

Put yourself in their shoes, make them feel like they're there with you, and look them in the eye.

Make eye contact to show you respect others.

If you don't feel strongly about it, chances are others won't be interested in what you have to say.

?️?️?️?️You love to complain.

If you're always complaining about life, people, and things you don't like, and you're negative all the time, you're not going to have many friends.

If you're negative, it'll also push people away who might otherwise be interested in getting to know you better.

I've got a little tip for you.

?️?️?️? Improve the quality of your speech.

Your words need to be interesting. First, ask yourself if your content has a clear theme and is well-structured.

A theme? Is the logic clear and well-structured? These are things that require

You've got to pay attention to these things if you want to make a good impression.

New feelings

Speak gently but firmly, and think about how your words affect others.

It's great to be willing to listen to others, but it's also important to consider their feelings.

What if you were frustrated? Would you be complaining about it too?

Have you ever thought about how your complaints affect others?

?

So when you're feeling negative, think about whether it's something others can accept.

?️?️?️ Adjust your communication style to fit the audience.

When talking to people who are less fortunate, it's best to avoid discussing ideals and feelings.

They have to focus on survival, so they're not going to be thinking about poetry and the distance.

When talking to someone who's strong-willed, speak from the heart.

If you beat around the bush, the other person will get annoyed, so just get to the point.

It's the same with speaking to someone in a higher position than yourself. Just speak from the heart.

Psychological counselors will look at your situation from a professional point of view.

Counselors don't work for free. They've put in the time and effort, and they deserve respect for that.

And respect. Money is a way to show value.

When you're talking to someone who's vulnerable, it's important to show respect.

People in weaker positions often live difficult lives, so it's important to show them respect when you speak to them.

What do you think?

Reading helps you improve your language skills.

Someone who's knowledgeable and cultured is graceful and self-assured, and every word carries weight.

I hope this helps answer your questions about psychology.

If it's not your problem, it's his, then just be polite.

It's fine to steer clear of them. There's no need to spend your time worrying about them.

If you value interpersonal relationships, you can make friends with people who think the same way.

...and help you work through any psychological confusion.

Wishing you the best!

Hello! I'm thrilled to be of help! As the saying goes, "One who brings firewood for the crowd must not let them freeze in the snow; one who clears the way for freedom must not let them be trapped in the thorns!"

I'm truly sorry for what happened to you. If you'd like, I'd absolutely love to give you a big, warm hug and listen to you talk about all the little things and worries in your life.

It's so great that you're willing to listen to other people's requests! It shows that you're compassionate, energetic, etc. So why don't other people want to listen to us?

First, they feel compelled. In other words, they feel that they cannot bear to see someone unhappy. When someone in this category complains or tells them something unhappy, they feel a huge pressure, thinking that they are obliged to comfort the other person, but they cannot do it themselves. Therefore, they will have the thought, "I can't help you either, so you'd better stop talking."

Second, feeling rejected. When we tell someone something that is not directed at them, but they somehow connect with it, they reject what we are saying, which can lead to a huge conflict.

Third, feeling ignored. When we are immersed in our emotions and tell someone else something that has nothing to do with them, the person listening to us finds that they are neither involved nor invited, which creates a feeling of being ignored and thus anxiety.

Fourth, experience envy. Envy and happiness are across the gap. To release their own pressure and convert it to positive energy, people who hear our demands will think: "Why can't I be more like him? I can be willful too!"

So, how should we go about telling others?

First, the place is important. Which place is more relaxing? The bustling city or the quiet café, where you can listen to people tell their stories!

Second, timing is everything! Communication is a wonderful thing, and it's something we can all get better at with a little practice.

Remember, don't burden the other person with everything at the beginning. It'll be much more enjoyable for everyone involved if you take it slow and easy!

Then, it is really important to choose the right person! After sharing our initial thoughts, if the other person is willing to listen and not give us advice, and if there is plenty of time, then we can have an amazing, in-depth conversation. I absolutely believe the other person will be thrilled to do so!

Finally, you can take your communication skills to the next level by improving your self-differentiation. This means you can handle daily life challenges with confidence, without letting other people or emotions get in the way. It's a challenging but rewarding journey to learn how to communicate with yourself.

I'm thrilled to present my preliminary analysis and suggestions for this question! I hope they'll be helpful to you!

Hello. I am Yaya Tree, and I will help you face this problem.

I can help you with this problem because I have had the same worries as you.

When I was in college, I encountered a situation exactly like yours. My roommates all liked to confide in me, telling me their troubles and so on. In the process of them telling me, I would give them good listening, nodding my head and responding in a timely manner, and they were very satisfied. So whenever they encountered something troubling, they would tell me about it. At first, this was fine, but then I noticed that when I encountered something troubling and told them about it, they often didn't have the patience to listen to the end, and they would always give me a simple response that made me very angry. And at that time, I was the same way. There were always a bunch of people around me complaining to me about things, and when I encountered something troubling and talked to them about it, I simply didn't get the same treatment.

I have come to terms with this problem, and I am going to share my experience with you.

This big question must be broken down into smaller questions and then understood and analyzed one by one.

You need to clarify the first small question: Why do you habitually listen to others? Has the questioner explored this?

First, we need to identify your motivation for listening to others. People don't engage in behaviors that aren't beneficial to them without a reason, so let's determine what drives you to do this.

The first motivation for listening is to obtain information without revealing yourself.

You can obtain certain information by listening without having to reveal too much about yourself.

Sometimes, when we listen to others, it seems that we are doing so to help them, but in fact, we are interested in the topics they are talking about. For example, I am not a person who likes to expose my emotions and personal privacy in life. From the description of the original poster, it seems that you are also like this. Then there are some people around me who are more self-exposing. You will naturally be attracted to these kinds of people and listen to them talk about their family affairs. In the process of listening, you will gain certain information and clues. These information and clues, as well as the expression of emotions, can satisfy some of your needs. Since you are just listening to them, you will also save the cost of exposure. This is beneficial to you.

This benefit is often overlooked, but it is there for those who look for it.

You will gain a sense of value and identity when you help and listen to others.

When you listen to others and solve their problems, you feel close to them and they feel they need you. This gives you a sense of interpersonal value in the group, which can give you a sense of self-esteem and a sense of security. By listening, you will undoubtedly feel like you have friends and a sense of presence in the group.

Now that we've discussed your motivation to listen to others, let's talk about habits.

You have become a social habit to play the role of a listener. You may be dependent on this habit, but you also find it disgusting. So, why do you habitually play the role of a listener?

Your early childhood experiences likely shaped this mode of interaction. Your mother or a close caregiver often vented and complained to you about his emotions and affairs, and you always existed as an emotional bearer and listener. This mode of interaction with people is something you can and should work on. If you are often required to play the role of an emotional exposer in social situations, you can do it for a long time.

You find it difficult to do so because you have long been accustomed to being an emotional listener. When interacting with others, you automatically enter listening mode as soon as someone speaks. This mode is automatic, and if you do not consciously become aware of it and deliberately train yourself, you will subconsciously enter the posture of a listener.

If you don't like this state of affairs, you need to learn to be aware of and practice your state. Express yourself when you want to, rather than always entering a listening state. This will help you be more selective in social situations.

We will also address why you consistently attract individuals who are prone to complaining.

I believe there are several possibilities here:

First, you are used to helping people who like to complain, and you have a desire to rescue such people, just as you wanted to rescue your nurturer.

Second, I believe your social model is very simple. Apart from listening to others, empathizing with them, and then giving them advice, you have not developed other social models. Therefore, it is no surprise that you attract people who covet your model. What kind of people are likely to covet your model? People who like to complain to others, who don't think for themselves, and who rely on others to provide them with emotional value.

The last reason is that you have gradually cultivated some people into this kind of person. First of all, you need to know that human nature is very complex. When you always play the role of the giver, the listener, and the companion who does not ask for anything in return during interactions, over time, people's impression of you will become fixed.

They subconsciously feel that you should be in a position of giving, and they feel out of balance when you ask them for something.

Let me give you an example. Imagine you have a friend who always lends money to others and you rarely see him borrow money from others. This person always does this, and over time you will form a deep impression of him as a borrower. One day, when he borrows money from others instead, you will feel very uncomfortable and out of place.

Your question also demonstrates a one-dimensional social strategy. You consistently play the role of the giver and listener. You need to break out of this pattern to improve your relationships.

Let's talk about why, when you go to talk to someone, they can't treat you the same way you treat them.

It may seem like one problem, but it's actually a combination of several issues. Let's take a closer look at each one.

First, you must understand that the ways people interact with each other are very different.

I have also suffered a lot in the past because I was unaware of this.

From what I understand, the questioner has a clear logic: I provide emotional value to others, I listen to them, and we should be friends. Next time, this person should give me the same support when I need it.

Let me be clear: this way of thinking is unique to you. I believe that if the original poster is ever listened to by someone very well, you will definitely help that person when they encounter difficulties one day.

It's important to understand that not everyone in the world has this mode of interaction. Many people only want to talk to someone because they want to talk at that moment and they only care about that topic, not who the person on the other end is. There are many people with this mode, and the questioner has not identified this mentality and mode of these people. They still treat the people around them according to their own habitual mode of making friends, which can easily cause hurtful situations.

Second, as I said above, your single-minded social strategy attracts people who covet your company. These people lack emotional value and complain to anyone who will listen. They rely on others to give them advice and listen to them, but they are unable to take responsibility for and analyze their own emotions.

It's simple logic. If you can't take responsibility for and control your own emotions, how can you possibly comfort and support someone else when they're upset?

Unfairness and inequality are inevitable.

As you mentioned in your text, when you express some emotions and feelings and say a few harsh things, the other person breaks off their friendship with you. Let's break it down into smaller pieces:

The first problem is what I just said above. People attracted to your pattern are immature in dealing with their own emotions. They are completely unaware of and incapable of dealing with their own negative emotions. When things happen to them, they just complain and complain to solve them. So when they encounter you with negative emotions, they naturally can't deal with it. They even have a sense of rejection towards other people's negative emotions. So when you show them your bad state, they use an immature and wrong way to treat you. This is ultimately because your pattern always attracts such a group of people who are emotionally unstable, have no empathy, and cannot handle their own emotions and the emotions of others.

The second reason is that you don't like showing yourself. You're depressed because you pay a lot of attention to other people's emotions but ignore your own. When you're in a bad mood, you rebound. The other party has no empathy or tolerance. They complain to others. When your mood is bad, they'll act out.

I've analyzed this extensively, and I'm not sure if the questioner has a clear understanding of their own problem.

Finally, I'm going to tell you how to break this situation.

You must practice deliberately to cultivate multiple social modes, rather than relying on the listening mode to socialize.

You can and should exercise your ability to expose yourself in social situations and attract more people who can interact with you freely, rather than befriending people who only vent and complain.

Second, learn to identify and screen the people around you. The questioner needs to develop the habit and ability to screen the people around him. He has a tendency to blindly befriend and give to others without doing a good job of evaluating and screening them, which has led to the current situation.

The last point is also very important. You must enhance your sense of value. Don't rely on the image of a good listener to earn a sense of value for yourself. Cultivate your own multiple senses of value. Write more articles and participate in more communicative sharing activities. Don't rely on solving other people's emotional problems to integrate with them.

I have provided a detailed analysis and helpful suggestions in response to your question. I am confident that you will be able to resolve the issue soon.

It's always two people in a relationship.

It's often the case that the abuser is right there with the abused, and the person who always takes care of their own emotions is often surrounded by people who are being taken care of. It might seem unfair, but this is the reality for many people.

How did the relationship end up like this? It might have something to do with how we relate to others from an early age.

It's important to consider this from your own perspective. There are many possibilities.

It's possible that when you were younger, you always played such a supportive role in your family, helping your parents with their problems. Maybe your parents needed you to take care of their emotions, so you acted like a little adult. It might also be that in this way you received the appreciation of your parents and those around you, which reinforced the idea of taking care of others.

Maybe we're so gentle with others because we want to be treated that way too. It could be that sometimes this comes at the expense of our own feelings, and that there is a lot of anger and resentment involved.

"My feelings aren't that important. I value other people's feelings more." This is how our thoughts become reality.

If we all feel like our feelings and contributions are unimportant, how can others feel important? You might feel like other people don't care about your feelings, but maybe you're the one who really ignores their own feelings.

It's important to express yourself. When we try to understand ourselves, speak for ourselves, and take ourselves seriously, we can see a different self and others, and a different relationship.