I am too eager to become stronger, always living in fear as if walking on thin ice? Now I feel deeply pained.

Hello, questioner!

I am Yi Ming, a heart exploration coach.

I have carefully read your question and I am happy to chat with you.

I will offer you comfort and inspiration.

1. Know your own patterns.

I applaud you for being so aware!

We are all influenced by our mothers.

Let me be clear: if our mother always told us when we were little that she only wanted us to be happy and didn't expect us to succeed, then subconsciously we would be afraid not to be happy.

Think about what it means to be strong for yourself.

It's the same now. You carry your mother's expectations with you because she was strict with you when you were little. Relaxing is not easy.

You've taken the first step by noticing the problem. Now it's time to find a solution.

We want to relax, but we can't.

This is a pattern we have formed over a long period of time. We may feel that this is the only way to feel secure and that it is the right way, but we know better.

Many people experience deep fear when they relax.

This is what we have formed during our growth process.

You can change little by little by recognizing the problem.

2. Take a little adventure.

The book Parenting the Child Within by Dr. Haim S. Berman provides very practical methods.

I also recommend this book to you.

When we are under self-imposed constraints, for example, when we cannot relax, we must take a little risk and then check whether there is any danger.

Take a little more risk if there is no danger.

We must break through a certain limit, and we will do so by taking small steps.

Take a nap when you're tired, even if it's not nighttime.

You will wake up feeling more energetic and free.

"You must be polite when talking to people." When it comes to our close family and friends, we should definitely try to be less formal, crack a good-natured joke, and see what happens.

A little experimentation will loosen some of the beliefs we once held fast to.

We will feel free.

They will relax a little without even realizing it.

3. There are millions of ways to live in the world.

I'm sure you've noticed that some people live very relaxed and carefree lives, sleeping whenever they want and following their instincts.

There are two meanings to self-imposed pressure: "I don't want to do it, but I have to" and "I want to do it, but I can't."

See the limits you have placed on yourself and be open to more possibilities.

There is no single standard answer in the world about how we must behave or live.

We must be able to see at least three options for our growth.

If you feel there's only one solution, it's because you're not looking at the problem from a higher perspective and you've confined yourself to your own thinking.

If you feel that you are "introverted and stubborn, lacking courage, and always living on the edge," you need to understand what these feelings are telling you.

Each of our personalities is neither good nor bad. A lack of courage may seem bad, but it may actually give us a sense of security and make us feel more secure.

Keeping ourselves on edge makes us feel safer.

We can simply acknowledge that we may be too nervous.

We can make the necessary adjustments.

We can make the necessary adjustments.

For example, you need to decide how much moderate relaxation is right for you.

You don't have to change your lifestyle overnight. Make different choices within your current circumstances instead.

Gain new experiences.

Just share these.

Security and freedom are what we always need.

Explore boldly.

All the best!

Hello (^_^), I'm so happy to meet you on the Yixinli platform! I've carefully read your text and I can feel the struggle, the internal pressure, and the voice of pain within you. I'm guessing

Hello (^_^), I'm so happy to meet you on the Yixinli platform! It's meant to be.

I've read your text carefully, and I can really feel the struggle, the internal pressure, and the pain you're going through. I'm guessing this must be how you felt when you wrote it.

Please take a deep breath and calm down first. Your emotional state can affect your physical and mental health, so it's important to take care of yourself.

You say you long to be strong, and I can see why. It's so hard to live in fear, on thin ice.

I'd really love it if you could take a moment to think calmly about the reason why you are living on thin ice.

I'm wondering if this is the reason you mentioned in the article about your mother's strict upbringing?

Or could it be the pressure you put on yourself and the limits you set for yourself?

If that's the case, then I think your mother's strict education might be subtly influencing you. It could be making you become like her, strictly demanding, developing in the direction she expects, becoming a good boy, not daring to take a single step out of line, not daring to have a personality, choosing to live a mediocre life.

I don't know all the details of how your mother strictly educated you, but I do know that children who grow up in a strict educational environment will definitely change their personalities. You mentioned this in your article, and I think it's so true!

You know, you can be a little stubborn, a little unsociable, and maybe you lack a little courage. But I think what you really need is the courage to change yourself, don't you?

Some psychologists have pointed out that there is a type of mother in this society who is very successful in her career, capable and strong. She is demanding of perfection and expects the same from her children. If her children don't do well, they may be scolded by their mother. This kind of "strong" emotion can really affect the normal development of the children's mental health, so it's important to be aware of it.

I'll give you an example. Let's say every morning at 6:30, the 5-year-old recites ancient poetry. Then at 10 o'clock in the evening, the 8-year-old is still practicing the piano piece over and over. But the child who lives a "full" life is depressed all day long. When they grow up, they'll turn their mother's commands to them into self-commands and be strict with themselves. This is mainly because the mother is eager to achieve self-worth in the family. In the long run, the child will turn the mother's demands on them into self-demands that bind them and suffocate them, just like you, living in fear, as if your mother is urging you on.

You want to rebel against your mother, but you're not sure how to go about it. It's a tough spot to be in, isn't it?

If you want to change the way you currently live in fear, you can do it! You just need to break free from your mother's influence.

It's important to recognize the reason behind your mother's strict education and get rid of her subtle influence on you.

Many mothers see raising their children as a way to achieve self-realization. If they succeed in raising their children to be outstanding individuals, they often attach their own value to their children. The success of their children is their success, and their children's failures are their failures. Therefore, many mothers have to transfer this pressure to their children, invisibly imposing their will on them, and the children become selfless under all these constraints. Your mother's strict education is because she is imposing her unfulfilled wishes on you, asking you to fulfill her heart's desires. You are no longer yourself, but a shadow of your mother.

And you need to understand that it is her wish, not yours, to do what you want to do.

You can do this! You can become stronger and change the way you are so afraid of walking on thin ice.

Once you realize how much your mother has influenced you and you want to change, the first step is to love yourself.

✡️✡️✡️✡️ Loving yourself is a lifelong journey, and you've got this!

It's so important to establish your own psychological boundaries and mentally separate from your mother.

Everyone's growth is a separation, and the separation between parents and children is a natural and inevitable one. This is especially true when you realize that your mother is only trying to raise you to be the person she wants you to be.

It's totally normal to feel anxious about separating from your mom. Many people find it tough to accept the idea of maintaining a psychological distance from their mom for a while. This is often because they didn't get enough maternal love and security when they were young. It's natural to want to receive love from your mom and to cling to the mother-child relationship. It's okay to feel this way!

It's so important to establish your own boundaries and tell yourself that you've grown up, that you have your own thoughts, and that you can decide your own life. If your mother is also stubborn, you can maintain your attitude unchanged. You've got this!

When you set your own boundaries and express your attitude to your mother, it can feel like you're losing the love of your mother. Your mother may be upset with you, or threaten or intimidate you, but you must not be moved. It's okay to mourn the loss of your mother's love in your heart. It's an inevitable fact, so accept it with kindness. You may be sad and upset, and that's okay. Allow yourself to face the fact that you are sad and upset.

It's so important to learn to listen to your own heart and express your true feelings. When we accept the motherly love that can no longer be had, we will care for ourselves, and this care is the strength of our love for ourselves.

Life is your own, sweetheart. You walk your own path, and your body and mind are your own, not someone else's. Live for yourself and take responsibility for yourself. Love yourself a little more and don't be bound by your mother's ideas anymore.

Learning to love yourself is a journey that takes time. It's about getting to know yourself, accepting yourself, appreciating yourself, and working on yourself. Knowing yourself is the first step. When you truly understand yourself, you can accept yourself more fully. You can appreciate your strengths and learn to embrace your weaknesses. And when you appreciate yourself, you're ready to take on the world!

The second step is to read, my friend, to enrich your inner self.

Reading is such a wonderful way to improve yourself!

Have you ever read a book called The Bond of Maternal Love?

Maternal love can be a wonderful thing, but it can also have a powerful impact on a person's life.

Have you heard of Romain Gary? He was an amazing person! Not only was he the only writer to have won the French Goncourt Prize twice, but he was also a top pilot and served as ambassador to the United States.

Behind all this glory is his amazing mother, who is very strong. She raised her family alone after her divorce, brought up her children, and moved with them from Poland to France, nurturing him.

His mother was so encouraging! She encouraged him to write and join the army. She set up a strict elite education course for her son, but she was very careful to let him have other interests too, like painting.

For him, who longed for freedom, his mother's approach was to restrain him. But because of his love for his mother, he chose to fulfill her wishes for him.

"I did everything she asked, but it was all for nothing," he said with a sad smile. "Under the care of his mother, the promise of life made at dawn was never realized. After that, you just have to decay until the end of your life." Apart from fulfilling his mother's expectations, he had no other way, so he spent his whole life just doing what his mother wanted. I don't know if it was happiness or sadness.

Someone once said something really interesting. They said, "It's so easy for parents' views and demands to be internalized as the child's self. This is the parent's self in the child."

It represents the views and commands of the original parents, and also influences the child's judgment and evaluation of themselves.

I think these two sentences will really speak to you. When you open "The Bond of Motherly Love" and read it, I think you'll really understand your mother and yourself.

I'd highly, highly recommend "The Moon on the Mountain."

This book is all about embracing your inner beauty and working towards becoming the best version of yourself. It's about recognizing your worth and not settling for less. Nakajima Atsushi touches on the complexities of the human experience with a gentle and insightful tone. If you've been holding on to thoughts and feelings you've been afraid to share, this book might just have the words you've been searching for.

I'd highly recommend reading: "What kind of life do you want to lead?" and "If you're home alone on a Saturday night, don't brood." It's also a great idea to read some lovely, warm words and find out what you should enjoy at what age.

"The Fountainhead," by Ayn Rand. When you are strong enough, the whole world is in your hands.

"The Shawshank Redemption": "If the mind is a prison, then everywhere is a prison. Freedom is not outside, but within." When you flip through these books, you'll find all the answers you're looking for! And when you understand them, you'll feel stronger than ever.

It's a great idea to make a reading plan for yourself! And don't forget to enrich your inner world. Even though people's material lives are pretty good, it's important to make sure their spiritual lives are just as rich. And we definitely don't want to let our hearts be poor!

Step 3: De-stress

✡️✡️✡️✡️ Take some time for yourself and remember that you're doing your best!

We all have to work hard to live and learn. And we should all try to improve ourselves and become better people. But remember, if you want to become better through hard work, you have to follow the laws of nature.

As you mentioned in your article, you were ambitious but had the idea of quitting. Do you know why? It's because your heart is tired and needs rest. It's so important to give yourself enough rest time to recuperate and strengthen yourself.

Take a moment to ask yourself if you have a reasonable plan for rest time and if you have arranged your diet reasonably.

Take a little time for yourself. Learn to combine work and rest, and let your tense nerves relax. You've got this! No one will actually blame you. The key is that you don't blame yourself, don't compete with yourself, learn to forgive yourself, and remember that none of this is your fault. Don't make things difficult for yourself. Learn to calm yourself (calm your mind, focus your attention on yourself, focus on your strengths, and don't set limits on yourself). This is also the beginning of strengthening yourself.

It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed when you're trying to make big changes. It's okay to take it slow and set small, achievable goals. First, let's create a plan together to help you make the changes you want to see. Then, we'll gently introduce new habits until they become second nature.

I'm sending you lots of good luck! ?

You used to be a very motivated person, and I know you can be that again! Maybe you had a setback in confidence or some fatigue that made your mental strength unable to keep up with your ambitions. In fact, there is also this state in our society, but you can beat it!

The key to being introverted is to lie down and relax. No one can keep moving like a perpetual motion machine all the time. It takes a lot of energy! Who wouldn't want to lie on the beach every day, soaking up the sun and sea breeze, while sipping the freshest coconut juice?

So, if you want to become stronger, you also need to consider making precise efforts. It's not about how busy you are that makes you okay. You need to have a goal that you are sure is suitable and that you want to excel at. And you must never be discouraged! You should nurture it like a child, never giving up.

You have a desire to withdraw, but you also continue to struggle. This is your chance to learn how to relax! Perhaps this is a state of wanting to lie down but not being able to completely lie down. Your family education was also relatively strict, leaving you unable to relax even a little, and causing you to be torn inside. This is your opportunity to learn how to relax!

Your suffering may have had a significant impact on you, which will change your personality for the better! It's okay to relax occasionally. Some people may feel ashamed of relaxing because of their strict family environment, but it is precisely because of the tension that we can become stronger and go further! I highly recommend that you take the Psychological Test for Original Family Wounds. Let yourself understand your past development experiences and future prospects. Come on!

ZQ?