I bought a pair of white shoes, I like them very much, but I also feel that they get dirty easily, and I'm anxious about imperfections.

Hello, question asker!

I'm a healer, and I'd love to give you a big hug! I bought a pair of white shoes that I adore, but I'm also a bit worried about them getting dirty. I guess I'm just a bit anxious about anxiety/i-bought-a-pair-of-white-shoes-i-like-them-very-much-but-i-also-feel-that-they-get-dirty-easily-and-im-anxious-about-imperfections-24950.html" target="_blank">imperfection!

We're all human, and we all have our flaws. It's only natural to want to avoid pain and pursue happiness. But in doing so, we often chase after perfection, which can lead to worry. When we like someone or something, we tend to worry about everything, from this to that. The questioner mentioned how good white shoes look, but they're worried about getting them dirty. All items are consumable, unless you don't use them. Even if you don't use them, they'll age and lose their luster. Plus, you have to wear them out often. You want the item to stay new forever! It's okay to feel anxious sometimes, but psychological anxiety is a bit overstated.

I bought a pair of white shoes myself, which I really like, but I also feel that they get dirty easily. I'm sure you know how it is! If they get dirty, other people will look down on me when they see them, which makes me feel even more anxious. When I do things on my own, I always feel invisible. As long as other people can see me at any time, so whenever I feel that what I'm doing is not appropriate, I always want to be seen by others, who will look down on me. I always try to maintain that pitiful image of perfection, and I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I don't know what the original poster has been through, but judging from the original family environment, it is still a manifestation of a lack of security. Everyone wants to be recognized and respected. It's always vulnerable to care about what other people think. It's not the most important thing that other people look down on you. The key is that you don't give up on yourself, that you value yourself, that your lack of confidence in doing things, attracting other people's attention, and worrying about being treated unfairly are the internal obstacles. I'm going to give you a few points for reference that I think will help you.

We're all learning as we go, and nobody's perfect. It's part of being human! We all need a little encouragement from our loved ones and recognition from our teachers to build ourselves up. When we can't let go of the past and we don't have anyone to talk to, it can feel really overwhelming. So, set yourself some goals, work towards them in stages, and celebrate your achievements along the way. Before you know it, you'll feel confident!

Perfection is something we all strive for, but it's not always easy to achieve. It's okay to have doubts and imperfections — they're part of being human! It's natural to worry about what might happen, but holding on to those worries can actually prevent us from moving forward. Surrounding yourself with like-minded people, spending time in nature, and making friends can help you feel more at ease.

Life is a journey full of twists and turns and hard work. No one can escape the arrangement of fate, but only we can control ourselves. Think about where our anxiety comes from: the harshness of our parents or the choices we make in our environment. If anxiety can solve all problems, then it's good to worry every day. The world is ours only if we go out into it, and if you don't want to go out into the world, then the world will remain yours.

Just a heads-up, these suggestions are for reference only. The world is a big, beautiful place that connects us all. Wishing you all the best!

Hello, question asker. I can feel your anxiety, but I'm here to help. I am Listening Dolphin Floater.

I bought a pair of white shoes that I really like, and I'm not afraid of them getting dirty.

From the above narrative, it is clear that you are a perfectionist. You pursue perfection in everything.

But have you ever thought about it? What does dirty mean?

Tell me why you think people look down on someone whose shoes are dirty.

I don't know how old you are or how many people are in your family.

Tell me, what do your parents do? Have you ever been teased for dirty clothes or shoes?

?‍♂️I can feel your anxiety, but I don't agree with you.

Since ancient times, working people have had the spirit of not being afraid of dirt or hard work. Being dirty means that we have worked hard for our lives. There's no reason to think he is imperfect.

White represents purity. I like it a lot, but I never buy white clothes or shoes.

It's not because I'm afraid it'll get dirty. I'm just lazy.

After a hard day's work, I simply don't have the energy to take care of these white clothes and shoes. For my own health, I choose not to wear white clothes and shoes as much as possible.

But that doesn't mean I don't like perfect things.

You need to stop worrying about what others think of you. You are perfect just the way you are.

You feel transparent, want to be affirmed by others, and want to maintain your perfect image in front of others.

You always want to get the attention and approval of others. You feel invisible and ignored. Is that how you feel?

You think you're perfect, don't you? Well, you're wrong. Perfect is just an adjective.

There is no such thing as a truly perfect person or thing in the world.

If you want recognition and attention, be yourself.

Live your life on your own terms and you'll get the attention you deserve. You'll also have your own unique charm.

Perfection is a state of mind that everyone strives for. When no one can achieve perfection,

You did it. And you're lonely.

You will be isolated by others. Do you feel a sense of loneliness?

You have always appeared to others as the perfect person you think you are, and you have received more attention as a result.

If you want to get the attention of others, you have to show your imperfections to them. You must be wondering why this is so, right?

?‍♂️In fact, it's a simple fact that people and animals are drawn to each other. It's an unchanging rule.

There is no such thing as a perfect person or thing in the world. You always present yourself as perfect.

Of course, you have fewer friends. Your family may even think you're pretentious.

?‍♂️It's a sign of your lack of security. You crouch down whenever this happens.

Hug yourself. Put your arms around your shoulders.

Comfort your emotions. You are an individual.

Live for yourself. Don't let the opinions of others dictate your life.

Everything others say is only their own perspective, and it has nothing to do with you.

There will always be people who are willing to criticize others from their own perspective and belittle others to elevate their own position. Don't be their stepping stone to climb up the ladder of success.

You take everyone's opinions to heart, but you know better than to let them bother you.

You don't know whose orders to follow. Anyone in this situation would feel anxious.

Be yourself and let them talk. Their words don't matter.

Who among them will provide you with a meal? Or will they attack your clothing, food, housing, and transportation?

People who can't provide for you have nothing to do with you. Don't waste your time on their opinions.

You don't need to care what they think.

You're on the verge of a nervous breakdown because you're always maintaining that poor image of perfection.

I have to give you a thumbs-up. This awareness of yours is really great.

You know deep down that trying to maintain that poor image of perfection is useless. But you can't help controlling your inner self.

You want to protect it. You want praise and affirmation from those around you.

No matter what we do, when we have a direction, we just need to work towards it.

The road ahead is full of thorns. It will tear our clothes.

The road ahead will prick our fingers and make us bleed and sweat.

We can even accept being excluded. This is something we can foresee before we set off.

We set off because we have the courage to accept it. There is nothing to fear.

I see a young man ready to go. He has found his way, and he stands there, undecided.

You still lack a little courage to set off. You need my encouragement.

Here I am. Let's go.

Be the one who loves and cares for yourself. Go ahead and live for yourself!

I'm here to cheer you on and I know you can do better. Remember to love yourself.

Yi Xinli World, I love you.

Hello.

Host,

After carefully reading the post, it is clear to me that the poster is suffering from the fear of imperfection. However, she has also shown courage in facing her own heart and actively seeking help on the platform. This will undoubtedly help her better understand and know herself, allowing her to adjust and accept her true self.

Next, I will share my observations and thoughts from the post, which will help you look at the issue from a more diverse perspective.

1. Identify the benefits of perfection for you.

The poster in the post said that whenever she feels like she's done something wrong, she always wants to be seen by others. She thinks she'll be looked down upon if she doesn't maintain that image of perfection. I really understand the poster's breakdown because maintaining our perfect image at all times really consumes us. But what's strange is that the pursuit of perfection has made us so broken down.

You need to think about this.

From a psychological point of view, people will not do things that only bring them harm. If something makes us feel bad, we continue to do it anyway, even if we are not aware of the benefits it brings us.

I want to know what benefit the host gets from maintaining a perfect image. Can others look up to, accept, and like them?

We must ask ourselves: what does it mean for us if we are not perfect? And what does it mean for how we will be treated?

These questions will help you get to know yourself again.

2. We strive for perfection because we can.

We must also consider why we pursue perfectionism. What has shaped us to become who we are today?

Perfectionism is often related to our upbringing and early childhood experiences. From a psychological perspective, our relationship patterns with others are an external projection of our own internal relationship patterns.

For perfectionists, it's important to recognize that others may appear to look down on a flawed self, but in reality, it's a flawed internal voice that judges. At this moment, it's crucial to identify where this voice originates from.

When this voice appears, think of who it is. Our perfectionism is likely related to someone.

Our internal relationship patterns developed from our relationships with important others when we were children, and we internalized our relationships with important others. When we become aware of this, we realize that it is related to our parenting style. We may have had some unreasonable ways of being parented when we were children.

Now that we're grown, we must learn to nurture ourselves in healthier ways.

3. Love yourself.

Love yourself. What does it mean to love yourself? The famous psychologist Roger said it best: love is deep understanding and acceptance.

I believe that to truly understand this, we must recognize that there is a reason for the way we are today.

Because when we were little, we were unable to take care of ourselves, and we developed specific survival strategies under specific nurturing environments.

We must recognize that our upbringing and parenting style have shaped us. We must accept our true selves because acceptance is the first step to improvement. Accept your true self, accept the good and the bad, and accept the parts of yourself that you cannot adjust.

Focus on the parts we can adjust, and you will meet a better version of yourself. For you, the original poster, accept yourself, accept your imperfections, and allow yourself to be imperfect.

So what if you're imperfect? No one is perfect. We're all the same, and that's a good thing.

People who like us will always like us. People who don't like us aren't worth our time.

I am confident that these words will be of some help and inspiration to you. If you have any questions, you can also click on "Find a coach" to enter the one-on-one chat service, where we can grow and explore together.

Hello! I just wanted to say that the problem you're facing isn't about whether your shoes are dirty or not. It's about how much you care about what others think and say about you.

In psychology, this is known as the "focus effect." It basically means that you always think you're in the spotlight and will be deliberately noticed by others.

Then you can think about it:

1. Would you deliberately pay attention to the same person? Or would you pay attention to everyone?

I truly believe you won't, and you can't.

So, you won't be keeping an eye on the other person, right?

If the other person isn't interested and you don't know each other that well, chances are they won't notice. But if there's something that particularly attracts you, they'll probably pay attention.

2. So, what if it gets dirty? Does that break your perception of perfection?

The world itself is imperfect (more on this later). But don't worry! If it gets dirty, just wipe it clean, that's all.

3. The best way to deal with perfection is to start with your personal habits. If you feel like you're suffering because you're striving for perfection and you find the pursuit of perfection very hard, you can deliberately create imperfection as a shock to yourself.

I know it might be tough at first, but you can absolutely get used to this imperfection.

4. Try to improve your concentration. We all have to focus on one thing at a time, and that's okay!

All you need to do is focus your energy on things that are valuable to you, my friend.

If you find it hard to focus, try distracting yourself when you start to do something you don't want to do. You could look at your shoes, for example, or take a walk, admire the scenery, or have a drink of water to relax. It's also a good idea to give feedback as soon as the thought occurs and stop the behavior. This can really help to alleviate your perfectionism.

5. If you can, you can stop wearing those shoes. You can like them if you like!

Wishing you all the best!