I broke up with my girlfriend of more than three years. Is it possible that we will get back together in the future?

Good day, My name is Jia Ao, and I am not seeking any particular outcome.

I have carefully reviewed the issues and concerns you outlined on the platform, including your supplementary remarks in the comment section. You indicated that your relationship was experiencing a decline due to certain shortcomings on your part that your girlfriend took to heart. Despite your efforts to improve, the extended period of waiting and anticipation have led to a loss of passion on her part. While you still have strong feelings for her, she has chosen to end the relationship and is using self-harm as a means of coping.

Given your desire to respect her and protect each other as family members, and your recognition that you still have feelings for her, it is understandable that you would want to try to change for the better and woo her again. However, in light of these circumstances, it is reasonable to inquire as to the likelihood of a reconciliation.

To answer your question, we will analyze it together.

I am writing to inquire as to the possibility of rekindling my relationship with my girlfriend, which has been in place for three years.

(1) If you wish to reconcile in the future, you must first ascertain the reason for the dissolution of the relationship.

The first issue to address is emotional depletion.

Secondly, there was a lack of scheduled dates.

Furthermore, the individual in question did not pay sufficient attention to their appearance, specifically their hairstyle and choice of clothing.

She also expressed a dislike for your participation in gaming activities.

It would appear that there has been little change in your circumstances.

The two of you have not become better together.

Please provide further details.

Please advise as to whether there is still a possibility of reconciliation.

From the above description, it seems that apart from the strong feelings you have for each other, there are also a number of practical issues to be resolved. It is undoubtedly a challenging task to salvage a relationship that has come to an end. Your former partner is demonstrating a reluctance to move on, which indicates the depth of her disappointment with you and her pessimistic and hopeless outlook on the relationship.

"It takes more than one day to form a deep freeze." You have reached this point because there were too many problems in your relationship. As a woman, I can empathize with your former girlfriend's feelings more than you can. If you haven't been heartbroken and disappointed enough, how could you give up your relationship?

(2) There may still be a possibility of reconciliation even if you are currently living in the same residence, provided that the following conditions are met:

It is important to ascertain whether your former partner still has your contact information, such as your phone number, WeChat or QQ account.

Secondly, there is no indication that she has informed her friends of the breakup.

Thirdly, she is prepared to treat you as a friend.

You still have an interest in the finer details of your relationship.

She will demonstrate concern for you.

It is still the case that she wishes to share information with you and confide in you.

She is willing to listen to your concerns and clarify any confusion.

Please be advised that…

[Accept the reality of the separation]

Upon observing self-harm, it is natural to experience feelings of sadness and self-reproach. It is understandable to perceive the current state of your relationship as a result of your previous feelings of love. Your thoughts and concerns are valid. If you hold feelings for her, it is essential to respect her. Following the dissolution of the relationship, it is advisable to refrain from excessive contact. Instead, focus on personal growth and development to become a source of support, care, and reliability that she can accept. It is crucial to demonstrate selflessness and flexibility in your actions.

[Try to establish effective communication]

Listen to your heart. Since you want to try to fight for her and want to work hard to become a better person in the next few years, you need to try to establish effective communication with her and have a good chat. Even if you start out as friends, you can still care for and look after her. At least don't let her keep doing stupid things! Then start wooing her again from the beginning. If she really has no feelings for you, she will remain indifferent no matter what you do. So your worries are necessary. When she really gets over it, she will definitely no longer need you, and you will really have no chance.

[Identify the root causes of emotional depletion]

The fundamental issue with your breakup is internal friction. Internal friction in a relationship can affect the harmonious coexistence of intimate relationships. The management of a relationship cannot be separated from the joint efforts of both parties. Your former partner must have had many concerns about you and wanted you to try to make changes, but you never cared and didn't pay much attention. Now that you want to salvage the relationship, you must analyze the reasons for the internal friction in your relationship and self-reflect on what you have done poorly.

It is important to identify the root cause of the problem. Is it a lack of communication, a difference in communication styles, or a more fundamental issue? Once the cause is understood, it will be easier to determine the best course of action. This could include working to resolve the misunderstanding, reconciling past issues, or even attempting to win her back.

[Consider the role of ritual in your life]

You also mentioned that when you two were together, you only had the daily necessities, and rarely arranged dates. This issue is still very crucial. Regardless of the stability of the relationship, it is important to pay attention to the sense of ritual in life. Every time there is a birthday, anniversary, or important holiday, you should ensure that she feels cared for. This could be through preparing a small surprise or going out for dinner occasionally. These rituals in life can continuously enhance the relationship between the two of you.

It is possible that you may have overlooked this aspect in the past, but it is important to note that women are highly attuned to such details. Regardless of the future trajectory of your relationship, it is crucial to understand these nuances. Women tend to gravitate towards men who are thoughtful and considerate.

[Create common ground]

As your lives continue to intersect, the probability of a reunion increases, particularly if you still have strong feelings for each other. Additionally, your continued cohabitation as roommates presents numerous potential avenues for reconciliation. If you are determined to salvage this relationship and are willing to make personal changes, I encourage you to pursue it. There is no substitute for direct action. Demonstrate your sincerity repeatedly to impress her, care for her, and support her. Even if the outcome is not ideal and she remains reluctant to reconsider, you will have no regrets if you have done your best. What are your thoughts on this matter? I wish you success in your efforts to win her back.

I hope my response is of assistance. Best regards, [Name]

In light of the numerous responses from educators, I would also like to contribute my own insights for the OP's reference.

In response to the initial inquiry, it is plausible that the two of you could reconcile in the future. The rationale behind this assertion is that you have been together for three years and have a strong bond. Otherwise, she would not have resorted to self-harm as a means of ending the relationship rather than communicating her inner thoughts to the questioner. This indicates that she holds a genuine concern for the relationship with the questioner.

Another point depends on the questioner's awareness of the problems hindering the development of the relationship and the change in self. Based on the information provided by the questioner, there is a lack of deep understanding between the two, as well as issues with their interaction and emotional expression patterns. This has led to numerous unnecessary misunderstandings and conflicts between them, and neither party can sincerely express these problems and their inner emotions, which has seriously affected the development of the relationship.

Intimate relationships have certain characteristics in common with other relationships. These include the need for joint efforts from both parties to maintain the relationship. It is not possible for one party to maintain the relationship alone. Each party needs to take responsibility for their own part of the relationship. The questioner needs to take responsibility for himself and his girlfriend, and his girlfriend needs to take responsibility for herself and the questioner. There are also certain boundaries between each other, and neither party can take the place of the other to take responsibility that belongs to the other.

The questioner should then consider the three years the two of you have spent together, and the ways in which you have demonstrated responsibility, promoted relationship development, and affected it. At the same time, you should be aware of the underlying message behind the words and actions that have affected the development of the relationship, and gain a deeper understanding of yourself before making some adjustments and changes.

A productive and mutually beneficial relationship is built on a foundation of mutual respect, trust, and understanding. This allows each party to express their genuine feelings, emotions, and thoughts openly and communicate effectively. Whether the topic is positive or negative, it can be discussed, listened to, and understood. This fosters mutual understanding, avoids unnecessary speculation, reduces misunderstandings and conflicts, and allows the relationship to grow and thrive.

In regard to the questioner's girlfriend's use of self-harm as a means of achieving the goal of breaking up with him, this is an issue she needs to address. It may be significantly influenced by her family environment, which has caused her to experience high levels of depression, anxiety, fear, and insecurity. When coupled with the fact that the questioner's words and actions have made her feel even more insecure and fearful, she is unsure of how to proceed and does not want to hurt the questioner. As a result, she turns to self-harm as a way of expressing her emotions and coping with her feelings. Individuals who engage in this behavior are often kind and compassionate at heart but may exhibit self-destructive tendencies.

I noted that the original poster has already sought counseling from a psychologist. I wish her the best and hope that her wishes come true. It is not easy to maintain a relationship, so it is important not to give up easily. I believe that with time and effort, you can improve your situation.

I am grateful for the opportunity to engage in discourse on this matter with you. It is unfortunate that two individuals who hold affection for one another are unable to continue their relationship. Let us examine the circumstances.

1. The couple has been cohabiting for a period of three years. During this time, they have demonstrated a mutual commitment to providing care and support for one another.

However, your relationship is an example of an internal-consumption type of love. There are certain aspects of your character that she finds unappealing, and she has previously identified these issues and attempted to address them, yet she has not fully succeeded.

Could you provide some concrete examples of this type of relationship? It may be the case that both partners require modifications.

It is not sufficient for only one party to make adjustments; communication and resolution are essential.

2. It is encouraging that both parties express a desire to improve their relationship. Despite this, the woman in question has made it clear that she wishes to terminate the relationship. What factors led to this decision?

3. Despite respecting the girl and agreeing to the dissolution of the relationship, one's thoughts are dominated by the desire to win her back. While mutual respect is undoubtedly beneficial, it is also essential to respect one's own heart and strive to achieve a harmonious balance between these two aspects.

The emotional entanglement is profound. The utilization of self-harm as a means of extricating oneself from the relationship indicates the presence of significant underlying issues within the female partner, which she anticipates you will address. Additionally, her familial upbringing and its associated values may be a contributing factor.

It would be beneficial for you both to learn together from some basic ways of getting along in an intimate relationship, such as the books Love, Need to Learn and Men Are from Venus, Women Are from Mars.

4. It is acknowledged by both parties that, despite the dissolution of the relationship, they will continue to regard each other as their closest and most trusted family members. For the time being, and for reasons of practicality, it may be that they will continue to reside together as roommates for a few years.

As long as contact has not been completely severed, the possibility of further development remains. After all, the couple still resides together. However, while falling in love is relatively simple, getting along is more challenging. Couples must learn to coexist without internal conflict while also pursuing personal growth and improvement. This may include learning to argue constructively without hurting feelings.

5. It is impossible to predict the future with certainty. If one is aggrieved and wishes to avoid any regrets, it is advisable to exert the utmost effort now. It is distressing to observe the other person suffering, so if feasible, engage in constructive dialogue and learn from each other's past missteps. If it is possible to continue progressing, it is recommended to do so.

The aforementioned information is provided for your reference. Thank you.

Hello, host. I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

You think you love her, but she might not feel the same way. You said there's still a strong connection between you, and for practical reasons, you'll still live as roommates for a few years. You want to try to become the person you want to be and start over to win her back. But you're worried that after she broke up with you, she might not accept you in the future.

First of all, you still have strong feelings for each other, which is a good start. From a psychological perspective, a healthy love relationship needs to include three key elements: passion, intimacy, and commitment. If you truly want to be with her in the long run, it's not out of reach. However, we need to identify ways to adjust and grow. Based on your description, the area you need to focus on is enhancing the intimacy and commitment between the two of you. So, for now, how can you specifically adjust? The following three points are for your reference:

If you really want to get back together, you need to adjust your mindset, strengthen your belief in reconciliation, and be determined to make changes.

If you don't have a positive outlook on recovery and don't believe in yourself, then recovery techniques won't be effective.

The psychological Pygmalion effect basically says that you'll get what you expect, not what you want.

If you expect things to go well and really believe that they will, they will. But if you believe that things are constantly being hindered, these hindrances will arise.

This is about the importance of positive beliefs. When we have positive beliefs and attitudes, when we feel confident, and when we believe that good things will happen, it's really important to hold onto this positive expectation. Because positive beliefs lead to positive behaviors, and positive behaviors often lead to positive results.

If we expect ourselves to become something, we'll keep working towards that goal and eventually become that person we expect ourselves to be. But if we always feel like we're not good enough and that we can't do it, we'll stay stuck and not make any progress.

The same goes for reconciliation. Friends who want to reconcile with their exes often have negative thoughts like, "What should I do now? What if I get rejected again?"

What if she has a new boyfriend?

It's actually about not having enough confidence in yourself and being less positive in your attitude. So, at this time, you need to constantly give yourself positive mental suggestions or replace negative thoughts with positive ones. This is the foundation of success.

This way, you'll be more motivated to change and grow yourself. You'll also be more likely to pay attention to the other person's feelings, what the other person really needs in the relationship, and how you should adjust yourself and take some effective and positive actions. This will promote the development of your relationship.

2. It's important to understand each other's core needs, be considerate, and try to exceed each other's expectations.

If someone feels uncomfortable or even painful in an intimate relationship, it's usually because they're not getting what they need from it. So, if you can meet their needs, they'll feel nourished, supported, and cared for, and they'll feel better.

But in fact, many people in intimate relationships complain, saying, "I've given so much to her, but not only is she not grateful, she wants to escape and even blame me. Why is that?"

This is because what you give may not be what she wants, and such efforts will not only be of no value to the other person, but will also be a burden.

We can get a better understanding of what someone else needs through non-violent communication.

The steps of non-violent communication are: state the facts, express your feelings, express your needs, and ask the other person to take action.

When you're sharing facts, try to be objective and avoid making accusations or passing judgment. Be open about your feelings and needs, and ask the other person to take specific action (within their capabilities, of course).

This kind of communication helps you understand each other better, which in turn leads to more in-depth communication and bonding.

It's also important to pay attention to how the other person is feeling during the process of getting along. Emotions are usually a way of expressing a need. When the other person's emotional response is particularly strong, it's likely to be about a core need.

When it comes to the other person's core needs, you need to be fully committed, actively involved, and even exceed their expectations. For example, if the other person's core need is to be appreciated and recognized, you can often express your gratitude and recognition to her. You can also praise her in front of your friends and express your gratitude to her by writing thank-you letters.

3. When it comes to the other person's non-core needs, it's best to take things one step at a time and follow the law of peak end.

We all have limited energy, and we have to deal with a lot every day. It's not realistic to try to please the other person all the time. A good intimate relationship has to have ups and downs. It can't always be a tense state where you revolve around the other person and try to figure out their needs.

So, we can gradually meet the other person's non-core needs, which is also in line with the peak-end law.

The peak-end law, which was proposed by psychologist Daniel Kahneman, means that our overall experience is determined by the peak experience and the experience at the end. If the peak experience comes too early and then continues to decline, and the experience at the end is relatively bad, then the overall experience will be relatively bad.

So, if a relationship reaches its peak at the beginning and both people take good care of each other, but then it slows down and both people start paying less and less attention to each other, then it will gradually decline and eventually end in a breakup. That would have been a pretty terrible experience.

However, if we don't try to go the extra mile for the other person right away, but instead gradually meet their expectations by fulfilling their core needs, they'll stay satisfied and feel good about the relationship.

So, next time you want to pursue her again, you can do it like this: on the basis of satisfying her core needs, don't overdo it by meeting her expectations too soon, but gradually meet her expectations. This will make her feel that you can bring her many surprises, and these surprises will make her feel that you can be relied on and that you can give her a sense of security and confidence.

Just a heads-up: The above is for reference only. Best wishes!

Just a heads-up: The above is for reference. Best wishes!

Is there a future together? Yes.

There's a chance you can reconcile. You have a foundation.

Your description shows there are some problems in your relationship.

If you can make changes to make each other's lives ideal, reconciliation is promising. But you may also find a better partner and break up.

The future is not set in stone. What happens now will have a big impact on what happens later.

We will analyze your relationship and talk about how to repair it.

Avoid negative emotions caused by overstepping.

Forced melons aren't sweet. In relationships, forcing things causes psychological pressure.

This can also drive the other person away. In other words, relationships are like sand in your hands: the tighter you hold on, the more will leak out.

The overstepping effect is when you get impatient or rebellious because of too much strong stimulation.

In a relationship, both people have to give. If only one person gives, it will hurt. Many people don't understand this.

When someone you like rejects you or breaks up with you, you ask, "Why are you doing this?" You want a reason.

The other person may find any reason to nag you and it will make them angry.

Your question shows there are problems in your relationship. You said, "My girlfriend and I have been living together for three years. When we were together, I cared for her."

Our relationship is one of those internal conflicts. I have things she doesn't like, and I've tried to change, but I haven't been able to.

The long wait made her lose the passion to love me. I became eager to change. There was still affection between us, which made her distressed. She has finally made up her mind to break up with me. We are starting over and trying to become better people.

At first I agreed, but then I realized she was using self-harm to get out of the relationship. I knew I had to respect her, so I also began to work hard to get out of it.

You have an emotional foundation, but your life has some problems.

You can't change these things right now. He can't accept it either.

Your insistence put pressure on him, so he tried to get out of the relationship by self-harm.

2. Save a relationship.

1. Identify the problem.

Write down the reasons for your arguments. Group similar items.

Name the problems you need to fix.

2. Check if you can solve the problem.

The problems between two people may be caused by life, values, or external factors.

Then you can group the problems you listed. See which problems you can fix together, which you can't, and which you're not sure about.

3. Find a solution.

Start with the easy problems. This shows the other person you're making changes for them. It also helps your relationship.

Then, work on the harder issues by talking to your partner. Work together to fix these problems.

Finally, look at the problems that can't be fixed and see how you can make up for them. Sometimes, making up for things is the best you can do.

We can make up for these unchangeable problems in other ways.

From what you said, it seems like you have a strong emotional connection. You don't want to leave each other. You said, "We're still close, even if we're not together." For now, you might live separately for practical reasons.

I'll work hard to become the person I want to be, then start over and woo her again.

Things may not turn out as you expect. Everything changes, and your decisions now can have a big impact on the future.

During the change and time apart, your thoughts will change. You might meet someone better for you first.

We can only do our best and move forward. Don't regret the present.

I wish you a happy life, together or apart. This relationship will make you more mature and help you understand what you need.

Outcomes are often different from what we imagine. But they don't always have to be.

Best of luck on your journey of love. May you find happiness!

Dear Question Asker, I was drawn to your title. A relationship that lasts three years indicates the presence of an emotional foundation between you.

I regret to inform you that the relationship has come to an end. I extend my sympathies and offer my support in this difficult time.

Firstly, your text demonstrates a high level of importance and sincerity regarding this relationship. Despite the separation, you still have concerns about your girlfriend and are reluctant to end the relationship. It is beneficial that you can still see each other, and there may be an opportunity to reconcile in the future. However, the future is uncertain. Once a girl has terminated the relationship, it may be challenging for her to resume it.

Please confirm whether you are truly prepared to proceed.

Secondly, I would like to inquire as to the nature of the issues you have with each other. It is not uncommon for individuals to be hindered by the intricacies of daily life.

Is that not correct?

You stated that the extended period of waiting and anticipation caused her to lose interest in the relationship, and I became increasingly eager to pursue other options. However, there was still a strong emotional connection between us, which caused her significant distress. She has now decided to terminate the relationship. We will both move on and strive to become better individuals.

From this text, I can ascertain that this decision was a significant challenge. Prior to this, there must have been considerable internal conflict, uncertainty, and a profound level of affection. I have been informed that in a lifetime, an individual will encounter approximately 29.2 million people, with the probability of two individuals forming a romantic attachment being 0.000049.

It is not a simple task to find someone you truly love in this life. If you meet that person, it is important to value them accordingly. Otherwise, you may find yourself experiencing regret.

Then you say, "I initially concurred, but my primary focus was on devising a strategy to rekindle the relationship. However, upon recognizing that she was resorting to self-harm as a means of extricating herself from the partnership, I recognized that my genuine affection for her was rooted in respect. Consequently, I endeavored to extricate myself from the situation."

From this description, it is evident that the girl holds a strong affection for you. However, she is currently experiencing a high level of distress and distress. She has resorted to self-harm as a means of extricating herself from the relationship, which indicates a profound sense of despair and despondency. Could you please elaborate on the actions you took that led to this emotional state?

If a relationship is an exchange of emotions, marriage is an exchange of values. Have you ascertained what kind of love she desires?

Given that you have been together for three years, I would like to ascertain whether you have gained sufficient insight into her character to make an informed decision about the future of the relationship.

You then stated that you both concur that, even if you are no longer a couple, you will continue to be each other's most trusted and closest family members. For the time being, due to certain practical considerations, you may still reside together as roommates for a few years.

I believe that you both care a great deal about this relationship. Therefore, even if you are no longer a couple, you will still remain each other's closest relatives.

Please clarify whether you both believe that a couple can become relatives after breaking up.

Finally, you stated that you intend to work hard to become the person you want to be in the next few years and then start over to win her back. However, you also expressed concern that her painful breakup may affect her ability to accept you in the future.

If she chooses to terminate the relationship, it will be irrevocable. Attempting to do so may result in prolonged distress.

I would like to inquire about the three-year relationship. Could you please elaborate on the topics discussed? Did you fail to provide the girl with respect and a sense of security?

It would be helpful to understand whether the girl's upbringing has had an impact. In your description, the girl has self-harmed, which is an emergency situation that requires immediate attention.

It is imperative that you remain vigilant.

It is likely that the circumstances surrounding the dissolution of your relationship were complex and that a comprehensive understanding of them cannot be conveyed in a few words. If you are unable to identify the root cause of the breakdown, there is a risk that you may encounter similar challenges in your next relationship.

I would like to suggest the book If Only I Knew Before Marriage. It addresses topics that should be discussed before marriage and emphasizes the importance of mutual respect in addressing these issues.

It is also important to monitor the current situation with the girl and pay close attention to it. I would suggest finding a therapist or counselor on the platform, specifically for women, to discuss the confusion and anxiety you are experiencing. It is worth noting that all breakups are planned over time.

You may wish to consider seeking the advice of a professional teacher.

From your description, it is evident that you aspire to become a more improved individual in the forthcoming years and rekindle the relationship. It is discernible that you are driven by an internal motivation to persevere in the relationship.

It is worth considering whether a girl's youth can withstand the test of time. Similarly, it would be prudent to assess whether you can control the uncertain factors during these few years.

It is therefore important to ascertain the reason for the breakdown of the relationship. However, the description provided is insufficient for me to be able to offer a detailed analysis.

My name is Tianya, and I am the designated response provider. If my response is helpful, you are welcome to follow me. I wish you the best of luck!

Some love is consumptive because the two people may not be a good match for each other in some deep-seated ways. But it's not always about who you are as a person, but also about your values and how you live your life. For example, I would never want to be with someone who is very controlling and always trying to change me.

I really feel that such a love is better without it than having it.

Some relationships can have a strong aftereffect and have a very negative impact on your life. It's so sad to see that your ex-girlfriend is still living under the same roof as you. I'm sure she needs a lot of strength to forget you and the relationship.

Because you're both so invested in the relationship, if the consuming part of the relationship takes up most of the energy,

This is such a big blow to your life. Surely love should be happy?

Love is not about possession, but about fulfillment. You can both have your own independent lives, and that's totally okay! You don't have to be together from beginning to end.

Maybe your future paths will cross again, and maybe you'll find common ground. But, for now, the most important thing is not whether you'll get back together.

I'm really sorry to have to tell you that your ex-girlfriend has now exhibited self-injurious behavior. This may indicate that she has some depressive tendencies.

It might even be a threat to her life and physical health. She might also have some mental health issues at the moment. She knows you care about her a lot, but there are some things she just can't change her mind about.

I'd love to know more about what she's feeling. Could you tell me more about this sentence?

It's up to you whether you think this situation can be changed by yourself. If you don't think it can, then it's probably best to put the mirror away for now. But if you do think it can be changed, then how?

It might be helpful to think about getting some psychological counseling. If you've promised each other to start over, it's time to take action and set some boundaries.

If you still have to live under the same roof, it may also have some impact on the process. So you still have to think about why you have to continue living under the same roof after breaking up. It's okay to take your time with this.

There's still something a little strange about it, don't you think? Some relationships can be traumatic and cause a lot of pain, and then her entire personality will change in a distorted way. Love is not everything, and it's so important to complement each other!

There are so many things in life that are more important than love. It's so important for him to become the best version of himself. When you're a healthy, happy person, you can love and be loved in return.

You might want to suggest that she look into psychological counseling. It might help her to work through some of the depression she's experiencing.

You can also talk to your friends and loved ones about it to see if there is anything you can improve or fine-tune. I highly recommend you read "Why Love Hurts," "Attachment: Why We Love So Meekly," and "Intimacy: Rediscovering Yourself." I'm sending you all the best wishes for a bright future!

ZQ?

Hello!

Can you get back together?

The honest answer is: I don't know!

It requires a mix of traditional culture and psychology to explore together.

You seem like a girl, and your girlfriend seems like a boy. You can't let her go, but she may not be as attached to you as you think.

Secondly, you didn't describe her emotions and experiences in the question, which shows you're self-centered. Fortunately, you understood: "I realized I loved her by respecting her, so I started working on it."

When you realize how much you love someone, a new opportunity is already taking shape. But you have to remember you're just an ordinary friend. In the past, many things that should have been said and done casually need you to remind yourself to be careful. This should be very difficult for you to do, but do you want to increase the chances of reconciliation?

You said you'd work hard to become the person you want to be. Stick to it!

Are you talk big but do little?

If you can enjoy paying for the compound and let God decide the outcome, do you think there's a better chance of achieving it?

Best wishes!

Greetings!

As a heart exploration coach, I have come to recognize that learning represents the most valuable asset of the human body.

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a range of negative emotions, including worry, distress, anxiety, discomfort, and a sense of helplessness.

The specifics of your emotional difficulties will not be addressed here; however, three recommendations can be made.

Firstly, it is recommended that an effort be made to comprehend and accept the present state of affairs.

Such an approach will result in a slight alleviation of distress, which will facilitate the formulation of a plan of action.

You stated that you and your girlfriend have been in a romantic relationship for over three years and have been cohabiting. Despite your efforts to care for her and express love, your relationship is characterised by internal conflict, which causes her significant distress. Due to your continued engagement in behaviours she finds disagreeable and a lack of complete change, she has proposed terminating the relationship. Initially, you were reluctant to accept this proposal, but you subsequently discovered that she was attempting to end the relationship through self-harm. You chose to respect her decision and resolved to become a more admirable individual, with the aim of rekindling the relationship in the future. Concurrently, you were concerned that she might not accept you following the dissolution of this distressing relationship. It is understandable that you are experiencing these feelings, given that it is challenging for anyone to love when they are unable to do so. It is evident that you both hold affection for each other (she resorted to self-harm to escape the pain and did not wish to harm you, and you have now developed respect for her after learning about this, which also demonstrates your love for her). Your concerns are also understandable, given that individuals change and uncertainty is a common aspect of romantic relationships. Therefore, it is important to try to understand and accept yourself. By acknowledging the concerned and distressed aspect of yourself that is unsure of how to proceed, you can redirect your attention away from these feelings and prevent them from overwhelming you.

Furthermore, allowing oneself to understand and accept one's own identity facilitates the potential for transformation within the existing paradigm. This may appear to be a paradoxical assertion, but it is, in fact, an accurate representation of the underlying truth, as change is predicated upon the absence of resistance.

Secondly, it is recommended that you adopt an idealised perspective of your current state of being.

From a rational perspective, it is possible to gain a deeper understanding of oneself and of reality.

From a rational perspective, there are two key actions to be taken:

Firstly, it is important to recognise that a relationship characterised by internal conflict is not a sustainable one and should not be maintained.

In your description, you indicated that, despite your profound love for her and your efforts to provide her with care and support, your relationship is characterized by a sense of internal depletion. This is a problematic state of love, as a healthy relationship is one that is mutually nourishing, characterized by mutual achievement, appreciation, and growth.

From this perspective, it may be beneficial to consider a temporary separation.

This presents an opportunity for growth and improvement in the relationship.

In particular, you indicated that she has already resorted to self-harm, which indicates that this state of the relationship has already caused her distress.

Secondly, it is important to recognise that although love is inherently uncertain, it is nevertheless the source of hope.

In other words, although she is leaving a painful relationship, she may change her mind. However, it is important to note that at that time, you have also undergone changes and are no longer the person she was previously upset with and disappointed in. Consequently, it is highly probable that she will fall in love with you again.

Furthermore, you have now resolved to alter your behavior, which marks the inception of a transformative process.

It is essential to recognize the strength within oneself and the transformative potential of time.

It is recommended that you direct your attention to your own personal development and consider the steps you can take to become a more admirable individual and rekindle the relationship.

When one employs rational thought to assess one's circumstances, one may also discern the appropriate course of action. At this juncture, one should direct one's attention inward and strive to perform to the best of one's abilities.

For example, one can endeavor to enhance the aspects of one's character that were previously perceived as shortcomings. Formulating a detailed plan of action increases the probability of successful transformation. When one believes in their capacity for growth and improvement, a sense of inner reassurance may emerge.

Additionally, one can reassure oneself that, given the positive changes one has made and the new aspects of oneself that one has revealed to the other person, the likelihood of a reconciliation is high. After repeated repetition of such positive suggestions, one will likely experience a reduction in the time spent worrying and an increase in the time spent taking action to become a better person, which will likely result in an improvement in one's emotional state.

As you implement your plan to become a more well-rounded individual, you can also utilize the period of cohabitation following the dissolution of your relationship. Given that she will perceive even the slightest transformation in you and that you will continue to demonstrate care and consideration for her, it will be more straightforward for her to rekindle her feelings for you. This is because she will observe that you are willing to adapt for her sake, which exemplifies commitment and love.

One might also consider the potential outcomes of attaining the self-acceptance and self-satisfaction that would enable one to become the person one is satisfied with, even in the absence of a romantic partnership. Is this truly an unbearable prospect?

It is not necessarily the case that the situation will persist indefinitely. There is a significant probability that another individual will emerge in your life who is worthy of your affection and who reciprocates it. In such a scenario, the possibility of a positive outcome remains, even if the worst-case scenario occurs. Additionally, your emotional state is likely to improve as a result of this reflection. The objective is to attain a state of self-satisfaction. In conclusion, it is essential to recognize that you possess the capacity to influence the situation for the better.

Once action is initiated, negative emotions will gradually dissipate, as action is often the most effective method of combating such emotions.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to you. Should you wish to engage in further communication, you are invited to click on the option entitled "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation," which you will find at the bottom of this page. This will enable me to communicate with you on an individual basis.

My dear,

Relationships are a truly wonderful thing! It's not about working hard to get what you want, it's about feeling happy to get it. Put simply, the sense of gain and accomplishment in a relationship is mostly defined by how you feel about it. But the relationship itself will always obey the beliefs and moral values followed by the parties involved, so there are some great examples to follow!

From the original poster's perspective, you and your girlfriend lived together for three incredible years and decided to break up because of your incompatibility. However, you were unable to move on from your past emotions, and your girlfriend resorted to self-harm to force herself to do so. You, on the other hand, were prepared to grow up and win your girlfriend back! The crux of the matter now is that the original poster is unsure whether his efforts can win back his girlfriend, especially since she left in such a drastic way. But he's ready to give it a go!

Is love truly unique, as in the way the rose in "The Little Prince" is described? Absolutely! The reason why the rose is so precious that you cannot bear to part with it is not the rose itself, but the time and effort the Little Prince spent on it while it was growing. It is because of this that the rose is unique to the Little Prince. And isn't that what makes life so special? The only thing in our lives that cannot be repeated is actually time and energy. So, let's make the most of it!

So, when it comes to making a relationship decision, it's important to distinguish whether we really fit with the other person or whether we've invested too much in them. If it's the former, then getting along is a wonderful, enjoyable experience. But if it's the latter, then it's likely to end in tragedy. We can't afford to carry too much of a burden, whether it's our own or someone else's. It's certainly nice to be pampered and cared for, but too much attention is like over-fertilizing a plant or trying to force growth. It's not only disharmonious, but also counterproductive.

Relationships are like a bow: just the right amount is good! If you don't put any effort into it, it won't have enough strength to hit the bull's-eye. But if you put too much effort into it, it will only end in mutual destruction. The reason why relationships seek mutual affection is because they are based on equality and can therefore last long!

Affairs can indeed inspire people to improve themselves, but the choice in a relationship is not based solely on excellence. After all, a relationship is not an exam, and you are not selecting the top student. But it is definitely right to always make yourself better, because the person who is right for you is also trying hard to find you in the crowd. Your excellence only needs to be appreciated by the people who understand you, not forcibly forced on someone who is always on the same frequency as you. In that case, you will not get the pleasure you want, and neither will she.

There's nothing more beautiful than running in both directions when it comes to love!

Hello, question asker! I am Warm-hearted Girl 1219, and I am thrilled to answer your question on Yi Xinli!

From your description, it's clear you value the relationship you have with your girlfriend. While she's made the decision to end things, you've agreed to move on. It's a new chapter for you and an opportunity to focus on the amazing things in your life!

This is a challenging time, but you've got this! In response to your concerns, I have some thoughts to share:

1. Nobody's perfect in this world — and that's a good thing!

At the beginning of the main text, you mentioned that you care about taking care of your girlfriend, which is great! However, there are some things that she minds about you that you haven't completely changed.

☀️I want to say that there is no perfect person in this world, and that's a good thing! In a relationship, both parties have the opportunity to change, be tolerant of each other, and compromise.

True love is always a two-way street!

I'm sure you'll get through this! I don't know what specific reason your girlfriend broke up with you for, and you didn't mention it in detail in the article, so I can't analyze it well.

I really hope you can communicate well and understand each other!

2. While you are still roommates, give it your all!

☀️At the end of the article, you mentioned that you will continue to live as roommates for a few more years, so you can try a little harder. Show her more concern, but not too much, as that will bore her.

☀️Do your best to give her the space she needs to heal. After all, you two have decided to go your separate ways, so give each other the freedom to live your lives as you see fit. You can still be there for her when she needs it, and that will make her feel warm inside.

As for whether she'll get back together with you, that depends on fate—and who knows what the future holds!

?3. Respect your girlfriend and learn to let go!

☀️It's never easy to see your girlfriend end your relationship by self-harm. But if after a few years of living together as roommates, you've tried your best but she still insists on breaking up, then it's time to move on with a heavy heart!

☀️There is a kind of love called letting go. When a relationship comes to an end, it's like a bus arriving at the station. Even if you don't want to let go, you have to jump off immediately—it's time for something new!

☀️You don't have to love someone to own them. If the two of you really don't suit each other, don't force her to stay. Let her go! This is the best way to respect each other.

☀️I understand the pain of your breakup, but life is never smooth sailing. The good news is that after going through this relationship, you will also learn from it and correct your shortcomings, so that you can become a better and more worthy person to be loved.

Best of luck!

I really hope my answer is helpful for you! I wish you all the best in the world!

You've thought about this enough. I don't think your efforts, self-esteem, or ability to change affect her inner satisfaction or acceptance.

You're both good, serious, and sincere. You're lucky to have pure love.

I don't blame you for what you've done. But I'm sorry this has ended this way. A pure love shouldn't be buried. It may be because you're young and inexperienced, or because you have different values. Either way, you can't choose between them.

If there's no logic or basis in her heart, confusion and pain are the result.

She may have reasons to leave you, regardless of right or wrong. I think I can wait or recover. She loves you, so leaving her is painful. Is a broken heart worth fixing?

You agree with me because you love her deeply and are ready to let her go.

She loves you, but also wants you to be more romantic and better. She thinks everything is reasonable, including you and me.

You try to change yourself to meet her requirements. So far, it's been fine.

She's uncertain about conformity and perfection. If she leaves you, she'll think she's looking for a better him.

Perfection is relative. It may be enough for her, but does she really expect less? It's not good enough, but she may not even realize it.

What's the most important thing in life? You know the answer. She needs to know too.

She's torn between a false sense of perfection and the best choice. She wants to move forward but feels like she'll miss out on something important. She expects perfection but is also uneasy.

Believe you're her best choice. Believe in sincerity and honesty. Give her time, ask her questions, and let her find the answers. I believe you'll find the right choice.

Also, isn't it passive to just flick and move? Romantic, handsome, and excellent are just feelings.

I wish you happiness.

Hello! I can see that you have been in love with your girlfriend for three years. When she broke up with you, it was a very painful experience. You both love each other very deeply. However, you did not achieve the changes your girlfriend proposed. This led to your girlfriend breaking up with you. You accepted the breakup, especially when you knew that she ended your relationship by self-harm. This shows that you are a very sentimental person. You care for and cherish your girlfriend. You also hope that you can quickly change yourself to meet your girlfriend's requirements. This will allow you to get back together!

I'm excited to analyze your behavior from a psychological perspective! Over the past three years, your girlfriend has asked you to change some of your behaviors, and you've also tried hard to change. While you haven't completed your changes as you had hoped, I'm sure you'll succeed! What is the reason for your failure to change?

I want to share something really important with you. When you want to make changes for another person, even if that person is the closest to you, such changes are very difficult. These behaviors you want to change may be habits you have accumulated over the years. These behaviors of yours must have benefited you in some way, which is why it is so difficult for you to change. This also requires specific analysis. But you can do it!

And if you really want to change these behaviors, just for yourself, I think you'll find the change will come much faster!

And about your girlfriend's self-abusive behavior, you feel that it is all your fault, but I don't think so. Her self-abusive behavior, including her asking you to change some of your behaviors, is related to her growth experience and self-awareness. This is where she should grow up. In your relationship, not only do you need to grow up, she may need to grow up even more.

I really hope my words can help you!

To the question asker, I would first like to offer some words of comfort from a distance.

From your question, I can ascertain that you are a commendable individual, that you hold your girlfriend in high regard, that you are invested in the longevity of your relationship, and that you are willing to undergo personal transformation for her benefit. This level of commitment is not universal, yet you have demonstrated it, which is a noteworthy achievement.

It is likely that witnessing your girlfriend engaging in self-harm as a means of coping with the distress caused by the dissolution of your relationship will evoke a sense of pain and self-reproach in you. This is because I experienced a sudden decline in my heart rate and a sharp pang when I observed this behaviour. Given the depth of your mutual affection, it is possible to initiate a dialogue with her. It is unnecessary to pursue a separation. Furthermore, the fact that you are currently residing together makes it relatively straightforward to arrange face-to-face meetings.

It is not uncommon for couples to experience disagreements. The manner in which these disagreements are addressed can have a significant impact on the relationship. If there are no significant underlying issues, it may not be necessary to terminate the relationship. Instead, a calm discussion with your partner may be beneficial to identify ways to improve the relationship.

Ultimately, the question is whether one's romantic partner will accept one's improved self. It seems reasonable to posit that, provided one's partner continues to love one after one has improved oneself and has not fallen in love with someone else or entered into a new relationship, the answer is affirmative. It is, after all, a common desire for individuals to find partners who are outstanding in some way.

Therefore, it is advisable to persevere in one's efforts, whether in collaboration with one's partner or independently. It is important not to forego the chance to enhance one's personal growth and to exert oneself to improve oneself. There is a possibility that the relationship may flourish and even mature over time.

I would like to extend my best wishes to you, Topic Master, and wish you well in your endeavours. I also wish the world and you well.

Hello, host!

From what the landlord said, I can tell he really cares about this relationship. I can understand why he doesn't want to miss out on it!

It's so easy to fall in love, but it can be tough to get along. The joy of that first encounter is something special.

As the two of you get to know each other better, you'll probably have a few disagreements along the way.

This can slowly wear away at the passion and fighting spirit of the two of you.

Everyone is a wonderfully complex individual with their own thoughts, words, and actions.

These different temperaments form a unique personality, which is really special!

That's why there's no such thing as a perfect match. We're all unique, and that's what makes us special!

It's really tough to find someone who's on the same wavelength as you in a big, wide world. And when you do, it's so worth it!

But, as with anything in life, there will be challenges and differences in how we see things.

However, it's not the conflicts and different worldviews themselves that are the problem.

But it's so important that both people are willing to respect each other's views!

No matter who the host is, what their personality is like, what their character traits are, what they do for a living, or what their family environment is like.

And the way the other person behaves and deals with things. Even if there are differences,

But it's so important to make sure that both people are willing to respect each other's ideas!

It doesn't matter if there are conflicts. What's most important is that you can respect each other's views.

It's so sad when two people break up. It's not usually because they're not compatible. It's often because they don't respect each other's values.

True love is never about changing the other person. It's about accepting them for who they are!

And most importantly, to accept the other person, warts and all!

People in love are independent individuals, and that's a beautiful thing!

So, are you my type, and am I yours?

It's so important to feel attracted to and accepted by your partner. When you do, you'll find you can get along without getting tired!

Love is all about attraction, not obsession.

If you and she are true to yourselves and feel comfortable with each other, you can get along for a long time.

It's so easy to make mistakes when we're trying to help others. We can't help but want to correct and change people, but it's important to remember that we can't change others.

We can't change others, and that's okay! We can't change our loved ones, and our children are their own people. Parents are human too, and they have their own journeys.

It's so important to remember that we can't change everyone around us. Instead of worrying about relatives you can't change, focus on yourself. Be kind to yourself, accept yourself, and then you'll be ready to accept others.

Life is made up of lots of different choices. Sometimes you have to decide whether to keep going or give up.

It's your choice, left or right.

It doesn't matter which side you choose, you'll get a corresponding result either way.

And that's okay! We can't control everything, and we just have to accept the consequences of our choices.

I really believe that I can work hard for the next few years to become the person I want to be.

Then start from scratch and woo her. But I'm also a little worried that after she has gone through so much pain to break out of this relationship,

I'd really love to know if she'll accept me in the future!

It's totally normal to feel uncertain, scared, or anxious about the future. It's all part of the journey!

It's also important to remember that we all have our moments where we lack self-confidence and have high expectations of others.

You've got this! Be confident in yourself and don't expect too much from the other person.

It doesn't matter what the host becomes, if it's still not good enough in the eyes of the other person, it won't help.

Just be yourself, relax, and remember that the more you struggle, the more you may lose.

It's so important to love yourself first if you want to love others.

Because everyone has to become their own person and learn to love themselves before they can truly love others.

If she always feels pain when she's with you and she can't change it on her own, it's okay to let it go.

I'm sending you lots of warm June sunshine and love from the world! ??

It's so important to have a good relationship! And it's not just about loving each other, but also about having good mental health.

It's clear that the original poster loves his girlfriend very much, and she loves him right back.

Oh, my dear friend, if you love each other so much, why did you end up breaking up?

It's possible that the root cause is that each of you has some unresolved psychological issues.

However, the original poster may have always thought that the problem was on their side of the relationship and have tried to change.

However, she might not be taking into account the other person's psychology, and there might be something she could work on too.

Because she has a certain deficiency, she wants to change you so badly, rather than loving you for who you are. It's so sad when that happens!

It's totally understandable that she minds your point. It's possible that she's encountered something similar before.

She just needs to remove this obstacle and love her in the way she needs to, to fill the emptiness in her heart.

It seems like you're worried about what your girlfriend wants from you, but I get the feeling you're not really putting yourself out there.

In the following, I'll take a look at your relationship with your girlfriend from your perspective. I'll help you understand it better so you can manage it more effectively.

1. When you're looking out for someone else, don't forget to take care of yourself too!

The original poster mentioned:

Our relationship is one of those internal-consumption types of love. I have a few things about her that she doesn't like, and she has mentioned them before. I've been trying to change, but I haven't been able to change completely.

I get the feeling you might be the one who's feeling drained, like you're constantly reviewing and changing.

You've always been there for her and taken care of her, that's so great!

And you don't see what you don't like about your girlfriend, sweetie.

It's totally understandable to feel like you have no demands or complaints about your girlfriend. But it's also important to remember that just because you don't have any issues, it doesn't mean she doesn't have things about you that bother her.

It might be that you're focusing all your energy on making your girlfriend happy, without giving yourself the same consideration.

It's so important to let your feelings and needs out into the open, otherwise they can build up and cause all kinds of problems.

It can be really tough when you're trying your best to change for someone else and you just feel more and more exhausted.

In serious cases, resentment can sometimes arise.

It's also possible that things might change and when you become better and better, you might not care about each other as much. In the peace of your heart, there might be a sense of revenge.

So, a good relationship is not really about mutual respect or one-sided devotion. It's more about gaining emotional satisfaction from conflicts, achieving a balance, and growing together.

2. It's so important to realize whether you have any psychological barriers that might be draining the relationship. If you don't, your girlfriend's high expectations might continue to affect you.

The long wait and anticipation made her lose her passion for loving me, and I was also more eager to change. But there was still a deep, deep feeling between us, which made her very distressed. Until now, she has finally made up her mind to break up with me. We will both start over and make ourselves better.

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this. It can be so hard when a relationship ends, especially when you thought it was a deep one. I'm just wondering, since you have a deep relationship, why is she leaving you?

Oh, is it just because you're not good enough?

Or, could it be that you didn't quite meet her standards for the perfect boyfriend?

If the thing that your girlfriend finds offensive isn't actually harmful, but she associates it with herself, it's like she's reliving her own trauma all over again.

It's like this: imagine you have a big mole on your face that doesn't affect your appearance, but your girlfriend can't stand it and insists that you get rid of it. It's not a problem with the mole, but with the girlfriend's eyes, which can't tolerate any dust. There's a stone stuck in her heart.

If you think that removing the mole will make your girlfriend look at you more favorably, you might want to think again.

The heart of the matter is that your girlfriend is carrying a stone around with her. It's up to you to find a way to help her let it go.

3. When we're unable to meet our own needs, it can be really tough to know what to do. Sometimes, we might turn to extreme methods of harming ourselves as a way of dealing with our pain.

At first, I agreed, but I was so caught up in trying to win her back that I didn't stop to think. Then, all of a sudden, I realized that she was using self-harm as a way to get out of the relationship. I knew then that the way I ended up loving her was to respect her, so I also started to work hard to get out of it.

Your girlfriend asked you to change, and you did your best to make the changes she wanted, but she wasn't satisfied.

She wants to break up with you, you agree, but she just can't seem to bring herself to do it.

I'm not sure I understand. Could you explain what you mean?

It means that she punched herself because she felt like she had punched a bag and her pain wasn't being acknowledged.

This feeling is like aggression, which needs something to hit in order to be resolved. It's okay to feel this way, and it's also okay to hit something when you feel this way.

I'm really sorry to hear that your girlfriend used to direct her aggression at you and pick on you all the time.

When you have no choice, what will she do? She might choose herself, find trouble for herself, and even hate herself for not being able to get over it.

It's so important to remember that when we solve problems in this extreme way, we're pointing the finger at either you or her. It can feel like aggression is coming from the outside in, and it's natural to wonder if there are borderline personality factors at play.

4. While you're growing yourself, helping her to see her own problems and growing together is the best way to save your relationship!

We're on the same page, even though we're not together anymore. We're still each other's closest and most trusted relatives.

I really believe that I can work hard to become the person I want to be in the next few years, and then start over and woo her again!

It's so important to still treat each other as the most trusted and closest people after a breakup. It's a great comfort and buffer for you!

But if you only change yourself on your own, it might be pretty tough.

It's possible that even if you change yourself to the way you like, it may not necessarily satisfy her.

As long as there's still a stone in her heart, you'll be endlessly consumed.

I really do think that if you can stick it out and make it through the long term, it will be really therapeutic for her.

I really think the best way is for each of you to realize your own problems, grow together, and heal each other.

5. Growing up is a wonderful journey of personal development. It's always so beneficial to cast aside limitations and take responsibility for your own life and relationships.

We never know what the future holds, do we?

You're already on the path to growth, and I'm here to cheer you on!

It's so hard to say whether your girlfriend is aware of her own trauma and wants to come out of it. You can't control it, but you can be there for her and support her in whatever way she needs.

You know, you can't control what she chooses to do in the future.

No matter what happens, you are still a complete person. When you encounter another relationship, you will be reborn and you'll make different choices.

I really hope you can work together for progress and share the beauty of the moon in the future!

I really hope this helps!

Hi, I'm Yan Guilai, a psychological counselor. I wish you all the happiness in the world!

It's clear that you and your girlfriend are both very devoted to this relationship. I can imagine it's really painful for you both right now, with the inevitable breakup.

I really admire your responsible attitude towards your relationship. It's so important to have a deep relationship, but it's also important to be honest with yourself and each other. You've recognized that there are some parts of the relationship that neither of you can accept and agree on, which is totally normal. It's okay to feel this way! It just means that you and your partner need to make some changes to bring back the passion in your relationship.

I really admire your responsible attitude towards your relationship. It's so great that you've taken a good look at it and realized that there are some things that neither of you can accept and agree on. This is an important step in making the current love lose its passion and requiring change.

It's totally normal to worry that she won't accept you in the future. It's a tough question to answer, but what we can say is that she can't accept you now, and she probably won't be able to accept you in the future.

So if you really care about whether she can accept you now, the only way out is to change yourself. I know it can be tough, but you've got this!

You said you want to work hard over the next few years to become someone you are satisfied with. This courage to change is so admirable!

I know you keep talking about whether she can accept you, but when you think about it, have you noticed that the one who really can't accept you is yourself?

When you feel good about yourself, your thoughts about her are likely to change. When you're happy with who you are, you don't worry about what others think. You're in control of your own happiness!

I think you're doing a great job! I just wanted to check in and see if there's anything I can do to help.

If you bloom, the butterflies will come. It's not about what the butterfly thinks, it's about you blooming!

If you bloom, the butterflies will come! It's as simple as that. Flowers don't need to worry about what the butterflies want. All a flower needs to do is bloom!

I totally get it. You were so in love and have so many sweet memories together. You had so many firsts with her and the bits and pieces of the past three years are just too precious to forget.

But you do well at respecting each other and stopping the hurting. Even though you broke up, hurting yourself is a bit extreme. Being with someone who is too extreme will also tire you out.

So, why are two people together? It's not just that two great people are meant to be together. It's because the presence of that person makes you feel special and gives you the feeling that you have great things to offer the world.

And the two of you will have more courage to face the difficulties of life and work, rely on each other, and grow better together. Love will give you courage and confidence, not a lot of doubt, depression, and self-blame.

If you're with someone who takes more than you give, it's not a good relationship. Charlene Choi married Zhang Jin when he was still a young actor, and now he's finally getting the recognition he deserves. Charlene was crazy about her husband from the start, even when he wasn't famous. She loves him for who he is, and that's what love is all about. Unconditional acceptance is the best kind of love.

I truly believe that you will meet someone who accepts you for who you are, with all your strengths and weaknesses. And together, you will become better and better! A relationship is all about intimacy, passion, and commitment. You will be friends, family, and lovers all at once, constantly transforming in different scenarios. But if one person is always leading the other, then they will get tired too.

I truly believe that you will meet someone who truly loves you, and you will love her just as much. It doesn't matter if she's outstanding or not, she's worth your love, and you are worth her love.

You've got this! Stay strong!

Hello! Thank you so much for your question. I'm Wang Yufei, a listener at Yixinli.

First of all, from what you've told me, it's clear you've been together for three years and you really love her. I can see from your words that you want to change, that you adore her, and that you're very attached to her.

On the bright side, you said you might get to live together for a few more years, which is a great opportunity! I don't think any girl would say no to a guy who treats her well.

I really do see hope in these few years, and I think you see it too! So think about how you can win her back or how you can become the kind of person she likes.

OK, first of all, I think you've been in a relationship for three years, so you must have a lot of experience. So, what kind of guy does she like?

So, what are the personality traits and characteristics of the kind of guy she likes? Of course, we all have our own unique personality traits and characteristics, and we all have our own temperaments and habits. It's totally normal if you feel uncomfortable making big changes.

But the good news is that we can develop some good habits, such as the habit of respecting girls. Your girlfriend likes some small habits, and we can make small changes. And the details determine success or failure. If we do some small things well, I actually think the added points will be even more!

So, what are some of the more important qualities that girls like? Let's think about how we can become the man she wants by changing our core.

It's so great that you've been together for three years! That means you really know her well. So, do the things she likes and say the things she likes, and slowly get into her heart. Then, you'll be able to attract her again.

When you become the best version of yourself, when you become the best lover she could ask for, you'll be drawing her in. I've found it's better to think of it as girls are attracted to your unique qualities and character, as well as some external image aspects, rather than you going after them.

All we need to do is do things that will attract her. Or we can change our qualities and appearance to become the type of guy that she likes.

I also believe that change is good and that you can become a better version of yourself. However, if you change yourself beyond recognition and blindly cater to him, that's not good. It's important to maintain your own characteristics, core qualities, and beliefs in the process of change. That means you should stick to your own characteristics, don't lose yourself, and have your own soul in your own body.

I really hope you get what you want and that you can be together in the future. I love you and so does the world!

Hello, question asker! I'm Evan, and I'm excited to help you out.

From the questioner's own account, it's clear that his girlfriend is using self-harm as a way to get out of this relationship. I feel a little sorry for her, but I also see an opportunity for growth. This is some of the damage that her family of origin has brought to her, making her unable to handle strong emotions and leaving her with no choice but to harm herself. I think that in this situation, the questioner's thinking of changing some of his shortcomings to please his former girlfriend and hoping that there will be a chance to reconcile with her in the future is a bit premature. But it's also an opportunity for him to learn and grow!

I think the most important thing is that the questioner needs to teach his girlfriend how to love herself and how to make her feel loved again. This is the only way there's a chance of getting back together again, and I'm sure it'll work out!

Sometimes, the wonderful, rich experiences of the original family can be brought into your new family as you form a new family together. If you can find out in time how your partner responds to emotions and the behavioral patterns she brings from her original family, and you form a new family together, you will be on the road to a great new adventure! There is a saying on the internet that the best kind of love is called letting go. Personally, I think that if you have the ability and energy, the best kind of love should be one that is complementary and mutually beneficial, so that both parties can learn how to love someone without hurting them.

Since the question was asked on a platform, I can't go into all the details, but I can give you some simple advice that I'm sure will help!

It's time to evaluate the previous relationship!

In the previous relationship, the questioner and his girlfriend broke up because of some of the questioner's shortcomings. So what did this relationship bring to both sides? This is something the questioner can work on! He just needs to assess it himself and communicate with his ex-girlfriend to see how she views this relationship.

The questioner said that his ex-girlfriend chose to self-harm in order to get out of the relationship. I believe the questioner was also deeply shocked. So, what positive things did she gain from this relationship? And why did she choose to self-harm to get out of it?

This is an exciting time! What if after marriage, the girlfriend raises a lot of points? The questioner has the opportunity to continue changing for his girlfriend as he did in the beginning of the relationship.

These are all great questions for the OP to think about and consider for himself. If a relationship is one in which only one party is constantly adapting to the other without any change, then it's time for the OP to decide if he wants to continue with this relationship or not.

This is an amazing opportunity for the questioner to do some serious self-reflection!

And see how consistent the two sides are!

In an intimate relationship, it is really important for both parties to be on the same page. That means both of you have the same purpose and are willing to work together for a common goal. It's also a great idea to see if you and your ex-girlfriend can be on the same page. That way, you can make sure your goals are similar or the same.

If you and your ex don't have the same goals and always disagree when you get along, it's time to get creative! Can you negotiate and compromise, and can you accommodate each other at certain times? For example, on the weekend, you might want to play games, while your ex wants to go shopping. What if you could both have the best of both worlds?

All of these will affect your intimate relationship, and it's so important for you to be aware of them!

And observe your girlfriend's values!

Our original family often plays a big role in shaping our values, but our innate physical constitution and personality also have a say. Getting married in China is a beautiful, collaborative process that involves not just the two of you, but also the two families. Values can show whether the two families can work together in harmony, creating a truly special bond.

It's time to find out what your former girlfriend's values are in this relationship! Take a moment to recall them carefully and write them down on a piece of paper. Then, assess whether these values are closer to or acceptable to you, and which values you cannot accept. This is very important. If you want to know if there is still hope for reconciliation with your girlfriend, understanding the values of both parties clearly will also help you make an assessment of your reconciliation.

Facing love

Satya's poem is full of wisdom! It says, "If you love me, please love yourself before you love me. If you don't love yourself, you can't come and love me, and you can't give what you don't have."

"As the poem says, when faced with a relationship, the questioner's girlfriend chose to hurt herself in an extreme way to get rid of the influence. This shows us something really interesting! When faced with a relationship, the questioner's girlfriend was unable to deal with it rationally? Perhaps the way, or model, of dealing with relationships was brought to her by her original family, so when under a strong emotion, she chose this model.

The establishment of an intimate relationship. If the questioner wants to maintain a long-lasting relationship, there is one question that the questioner needs to face squarely, and that is, is the questioner ready to face the ups and downs in the relationship? Once an intimate relationship has moved on from the initial infatuation, it is inevitable that the couple will face the daily grind of life together. They may argue over minor disagreements. At that time, will the girlfriend choose to self-harm to release her emotions, as she does now?

Facing such a situation, the questioner has the incredible opportunity to show his girlfriend how strong his heart really is! These questions require careful consideration by the questioner.

When it comes to intimate relationships, we always want to maintain a good emotional life. We need to know that relationships always have ups and downs, as does life. If the questioner is not prepared to face everything, it is best not to rush into making a decision to reconcile with his girlfriend.

The questioner should now do a great job of examining the previous relationship to see if the two parties got along well, if they will get along well in the future, and whether he has the courage to face everything. At the moment, I personally feel that when facing an ex-girlfriend, the questioner should do more to give her your love and tolerance, and even teach her how to love herself well in life and how to deal with her emotions. These are all things that the questioner and his girlfriend need to learn together and improve together—and they will!

I really hope my answer helps the questioner!