I can't escape the feelings of despair and loneliness. I enjoy being alone, but I hate it.

Hello!

This text shows many complex emotions.

The questioner doesn't want to talk about his childhood, so let's not. You have the right to privacy, and I respect your decision.

You can understand yourself by listening to how you speak.

I'm a little confused. Let's talk about the poster's thoughts.

You seem to feel lonely because you first felt despair. Let's not draw conclusions about loneliness.

Life has more possibilities.

In books, movies, and comics, you can express yourself. You feel seen and understood, and you understand the characters.

You mentioned love, but it's still listed with despair. Love symbolizes light.

Maybe it's exciting because it knows it's profound.

You feel sad and think no one understands you. You hope to be trusted.

"I'm so desperate" may be because you haven't gotten the response you want. You have to examine yourself to see if you've expressed yourself inadequately or not clearly enough.

In a fast-paced environment, your expression seems to be swallowed up. Yet you still hold onto hope: the hope of being understood, of being heard.

I'm afraid of misunderstandings. Your heart is a light that loves and understands others.

The words "Just hang in there a little longer and you'll reach the other side of success" show a desire for a carefree attitude.

However, you have to learn to go with the flow of time. Sometimes you can let go of the past, present, and future in an instant.

It takes courage and time to create a future.

Words are a form of expression. Expressing yourself does not hurt others.

I don't think the questioner's statement is illogical.

Discernment and prudence are mindsets.

Hello, host. I am confident that my answer will be helpful to you.

Hugging you, I understand your feelings very well. I also feel the strong conflict in your heart. You both enjoy and hate the uncomfortable feeling of loneliness and despair. You don't know why this is so, but you will. You are despairing of yourself and others, but you also want to hang in there a little longer. You will reach the other side of success. This is related to our growth experiences because childhood experiences have formed some restrictive beliefs in us, which conflict with what we want to believe now. You can understand this part of yourself. At the same time, don't worry. We can adjust through some methods, so that our inner being is no longer so conflicted and becomes more harmonious.

I advise you to:

Understand and accept yourself, understand your inner conflicts, and accept your current state of enjoying loneliness while also hating the uncomfortable feeling.

The desire for intimacy is an instinct in humans. It cannot be eliminated because it is instinctive. However, your upbringing has led you to believe that loneliness has benefits. When you are lonely, you enjoy it and feel at ease. This makes you think that you need to be lonely.

But when you long for solitude, it will create a strong conflict with our inner desire for intimacy. This is why you appear to enjoy solitude, but hate the feeling at the same time.

You don't have to be so absolute. Life isn't always lonely, and it isn't always not lonely. You can adjust the amount of time you spend alone. When you want to be alone, you can spend some time by yourself. When you need the company of friends, you can also chat with friends to satisfy your need for intimacy and your sense of belonging.

You will resolve the conflict within, find the approach that suits you best, and find a balance between loneliness and intimacy. All you have to do is start with understanding and accepting yourself.

2. You like the loneliness and despair in various works because "they" can understand you, which is a kind of empathic power.

The books, movies, and music that we like will be different for each of us, and the works we like at different times will also be different. When we are sad inside, we will like to read works that express sadness; when we are full of passion, we will like to read works that are full of fighting spirit; when we are a little desperate and feel very lonely, we will be deeply attracted to works that express despair and loneliness.

These works echo the feelings we need to express inside, and we will feel understood. This is an expression of our own inner feelings, expressed with the help of other people's works. The excitement you mentioned should be a kind of touching understanding and a kind of joy of empathy.

3. Express your emotions in a positive and reasonable way. Self-harm is not an effective method.

Express your inner emotions and feelings. This is the theme of the live stream with our teachers May and Youhui from two days ago. Expression is soothing. When you express your emotions and feelings, your inner selves become more relaxed and comfortable.

There are many ways to express emotions. Write about your inner despair and loneliness, as well as your most genuine feelings at this moment in time. Face yourself honestly and accept this real self of yours. Keep writing and you will find your heart becomes more peaceful. Talk to someone you trust about your worries, confusion, and misunderstandings. Express yourself. Your emotions will flow and you will not become fixed. Your inner self will become more relaxed.

Additionally, engaging in positive meditation and modifying your beliefs is an effective approach. Regardless of whether you opt for despair or perseverance, it is solely our beliefs that determine our actions. Consequently, it is essential to choose a more constructive path for ourselves. When you choose to persevere, you will exert significant effort and eventually achieve victory. Conversely, when you choose to despair, you will gradually lose motivation.

See the full picture of life. Accept the not-so-beautiful parts. And choose to move forward in a positive direction!

Best wishes!

Hello, I send you a hug from all of us.

I wonder if I might mention a saying that I'm not sure you've heard before: "Everyone is an island, and the only company you have is yourself." Of course, some people say that no one is an island, and we are all connected to others in various ways.

I wonder if a person is truly an island, and if so, if they are all lonely. I don't think anyone has the answer, or perhaps everyone has a different answer.

It is my view that loneliness is an objective state when a person is alone, whereas solitude is a state of mind and body when a person is truly with themselves.

Loneliness can be a time when a person has the opportunity to connect with themselves without the noise of the outside world or interpersonal relationships. At this time, the individual may experience a range of emotions, from the positive feeling of "freedom" to the negative feeling of "loneliness."

It is worth noting that a normal sense of loneliness is something that many of us experience at one point or another. However, if the sense of loneliness is particularly strong, it may be related to childhood experiences.

In your question, you also mentioned that it may be an effect caused by childhood, and you don't want to talk about it. If you'd prefer not to discuss this topic, we can certainly respect that.

I would like to suggest that although loneliness is an unwanted state for many people, we might as well consider a different perspective. A sense of loneliness can potentially enhance one's self-awareness and facilitate a deeper connection with the inner self, leading to a heightened sense of self-awareness and a greater understanding of one's own life. Being in a noisy environment or in a crowd all the time can often make it challenging to be fully aware of oneself.

It might be helpful to view feelings of loneliness as an opportunity rather than a negative experience.

It is also worth noting that the modern world has brought about a new phenomenon: the feeling of loneliness. This is partly due to our increasing dependence on the internet. Without the internet, even simple tasks like eating require interaction with others. Even if you don't speak, you have to go to a crowd. Now, with the internet, you really don't have to speak. Some people even in social situations, they keep staring at their phones, not interacting with the real people around them.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what we can do in the present moment.

Perhaps the first step would be to accept loneliness and make peace with it.

Indeed, it could be said that the price of freedom is loneliness. There is even a condition called "urban loneliness" nowadays. As we continue to grow and progress, we have more and more freedom, but also become more and more lonely. This is a normal part of life.

At this time, it may be helpful to adjust our perception and recognize that loneliness is a normal situation. We can also take the initiative to enrich and complete ourselves to adapt to this state of loneliness, transforming freedom and loneliness into the strength for personal growth.

If I might make a second suggestion, when you are feeling lonely, it can be helpful to try to find a connection between yourself and the world around you.

From your questions, I can infer that you may enjoy watching movies, reading books, and comics that explore the theme of loneliness. These themes often resonate with us, particularly if we have experienced these emotions ourselves.

However, this kind of empathy can also potentially intensify our own sense of loneliness. We may become more self-absorbed, and even feel that while the loneliness of others is being acknowledged and empathized with, our own loneliness is not being seen or empathized with. We may even feel desperate.

If I may make a suggestion, perhaps you could put down your book for a moment and go out to find a real connection with the world. For example, you might like to observe ants or snails after the rain. I've noticed that there are often snails in the green belt after a long rain, but I'm not sure where they usually hide. I often take our children to see ants, watch other people herd sheep, chat with the sheepherders, and watch snails after the rain. It's a great way to pass the time, but also very enjoyable.

You might also consider identifying some of the smaller blessings in life. For instance, you could think of a time when you purchased a delicious cupcake, or when a street vendor smiled at you, or when you smiled back at them, or when you saw a rainbow after a rain shower. You could make a note of these experiences, or simply remember them, and they could become sources of joy when you feel lonely.

You might also consider reading a book, but it might be best to avoid those that focus on loneliness. It's important to be mindful of how we engage with these topics, as reading about loneliness can sometimes intensify feelings of isolation and make it challenging to find a way out.

You might consider reading Jiang Xun's "Six Lectures on Loneliness," Alfred Adler's "Individual Psychology: Overcoming Loneliness" and "Loneliness: Return to the Self," or books on healing, such as "The Camellia Stationery Store" and "There's a Commissary at the Edge of the Clouds."

As a final suggestion, you might consider connecting with others who share similar ideas online. For instance, if you watch a movie and leave a comment or write about your thoughts, you may be able to find people with similar interests.

You might also consider speaking with a counselor.

As a counselor, I often find myself in a state of mind that is both Buddhist and depressed, as well as occasionally positive and motivated. I believe that the world is a wonderful place, and I am grateful for the opportunities it presents.