I can't stand it when other people are doing well. Is there a way to get rid of my jealousy?

The questioner, the present is good! Be grateful to have met you.

From your description, I can tell you have a strong sense of self-awareness and are very honest with yourself. Let's talk about this topic together.

1. Understand your own jealousy.

It's normal to feel jealous. It shows you can recognize others' strengths and see where you fall short. Use it as motivation to grow. Jealousy is a growth booster.

When you analyze your jealousy in this way, do you still reject your jealousy of yourself and want to eliminate it?

2. Accept and allow for individual differences.

Everyone has a different approach to learning, and everyone has a different speed and ability to acquire knowledge. It's a myth that the person who studies every day is the best learner, and it's also a myth that the person who plays every day is the worst learner.

You have to see how the person really approaches learning and plans for their future. You have to understand how efficient their learning is and how well they master learning methods and apply them.

It is important to remember that we should not judge others based on appearances, regardless of their activity. When I explain this to you, I am confident that you will be able to let go of your views and expectations of others and just be yourself.

When you see others playing while you are studying, remember that what you see is not necessarily real. It's important to focus on studying well, regardless of what others are doing.

So when you see someone else learning while you are playing, don't feel smug. They might be learning in a different place, or they might have already mastered it. They could even be taking a break for a while and will come back to it after they have adjusted.

We cannot see what other people are thinking or planning, so we have no right to comment on or define anyone's actions.

Accept and embrace the differences between people. Be yourself. Live in the present moment, not in the judgment of your mind. This is what you should do.

3. Accept and embrace yourself.

In your description, you said, "My friend said that when his friends win awards, he sincerely feels happy for them. But when I think about it, I can't do what she does. I feel some envy and jealousy and can't sincerely feel happy for them."

You can accept yourself for not being like others. Perhaps he has a different friendship with his friend, so he is happy for them. We encourage and advocate being able to sincerely feel happy for others.

At the same time, we must allow and accept ourselves for not being able to do it for the time being. This shows that we lack internal recognition of ourselves, or we do not see that we are also that good for the time being. This requires us to recognize ourselves more, improve our self-esteem and confidence, and love ourselves more.

You can be genuinely happy for others when they win awards when you consider yourself good enough, don't need external awards to prove it, are internally rich and self-respecting, and appreciate and recognize yourself.

You must accept and allow this part of yourself, rather than repressing it or trying to eliminate it. Only then can you access the resources behind this part of yourself and become a more complete self.

I am confident that my answer is helpful to you, and I wish you the best!

Hello! I'm Super Sister from Yixinli!

I think you are so brave to say your true thoughts and attitude!

This is especially true when it comes to attitudes that aren't recognized by society.

You are not being psychologically twisted. The society we live in is a competitive arena, and that's a good thing! We fight for more resources and a higher status, and when we are not confident enough and are afraid of being surpassed, we naturally have to prove ourselves strong through constant comparisons.

So it's not that you have a problem with your character, but that you don't have enough confidence in yourself. The good news is that when you have enough confidence in yourself and have a clear perception of your own value, you will be able to "praise with all your heart" from the bottom of your heart ❤️

Next time, instead of denying your jealousy, try to be aware of it and be brave enough to admit and accept how you feel in that moment. You can do it!

You can try to say to yourself, "I'm a little jealous now, I feel unfair and a little sour... but I'm willing to admit it." And then you can move on to bigger and better things!

Just like the question you asked, be brave and face the real you and accept yourself. You can do it!

Then you can set your sights on your goals! Everyone in the world has their own strengths and weaknesses. Someone else may have won an award in a certain subject, but you also have your own achievements to be proud of!

A little envy can be a great motivator to help you become the best version of yourself! Next time you feel jealous, focus on how you can enrich your skills. When you improve yourself, you can become more confident!

Adler's "Inferiority and Transcendence" has been an incredible source of inspiration and motivation for me. You can really feel the energy this book gives you! ?

Huge congratulations on discovering more and more of your own amazing strengths and believing in your own incredible self-sufficiency!

Hi, I'm Ying Keyu Xuan. I get it.

It's normal to feel jealous when you see others succeed.

Jealousy is a negative emotion. It can motivate you to work hard or make you doubt yourself. Hostile jealousy is even worse because it can ruin both you and the other person.

You say you feel happy when you see others playing while you are studying. You have friends who have won awards, and you feel jealous.

You've realized you're feeling bad and want to change. This shows you're honest with yourself and aware of your jealousy. This is the first step to change.

Appreciate other people's success. It's the result of hard work. If you haven't worked as hard, accept yourself. Accepting yourself doesn't mean you've failed.

Jealousy is a sign of an inferiority complex. To overcome it, find your strengths, understand your potential, and build self-confidence.

Another way is to get to know others, communicate with them, and understand their strengths and weaknesses. Think about things from their perspective to understand them better. You can take part in social activities, be grateful, and appreciate the beauty in life.

When you focus on yourself, your jealousy will go away.

I hope my answer helps. You can overcome your jealousy. Go for it!

I love you.

It's totally normal to feel happy when others are having fun while you're studying. It shows you're a motivated person! And it's also a great quality for your friends to be genuinely happy for the achievements of others.

Everyone has a different personality and way of thinking, so there is absolutely no need to force yourself to be like everyone else. However, if you want to overcome your envy, you can try the following methods and watch the magic happen!

1. Recognize your emotions: When you feel envy, don't blame or deny your emotions, but try to recognize them and think about why you feel that way. It's a great idea to recognize your emotions!

2. Change your mindset: Learn from the success of others! See their achievements and think about how you can learn from them.

3. Cultivate a grateful heart! Focus more on what you have, rather than what you don't have. Learning to be grateful will make you more content and happy!

4. Strengthen self-affirmation: Believe in your own abilities and value, and don't compare yourself with others too much. Focus on your own growth and progress, and be proud of your efforts and achievements!

5. Cultivate good interpersonal relationships! Surround yourself with people who can support and encourage you, and share each other's joys and sorrows. This will make you more positive about life!

And most importantly, give yourself time and patience to change! This is a gradual process of growth and improvement, and it'll be worth it in the end.

Also, remember that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and you are amazing just the way you are! You can try to apply these methods to your life, and you will see a change in your mindset in no time!

Hello, I'm listening teacher Wang Lingfeng. I saw your description and I admire your courage in facing your inner self. I also understand how you feel. Jealousy is a complex emotion that can include a variety of feelings such as envy, dissatisfaction, anger, and anxiety.

When we're jealous of others, it's often because we feel inferior to them or worried that we'll lose something, like status, love, or wealth. Jealousy can make us feel uneasy and unfair, and it can even affect our relationships and mental health.

Jealousy is usually an emotion we don't like to admit we feel. But it's not all bad. It can actually give us a boost of motivation to work harder and pursue our goals.

However, if the emotion of jealousy is too strong or lasts too long, it can have a negative impact on our lives.

You said you feel like your mind is twisted and your character is flawed, but what you're really dealing with is a strong "superego" and a strong moral restraint on yourself.

To deal with jealousy, we can work on developing a healthy competitive mindset, as well as strengthen self-affirmation and self-confidence, and pay more attention to self-growth to improve.

You might find it helpful to read the book Inferiority and Transcendence, which can help you turn feelings of inferiority and jealousy into a driving force for self-growth.

I'm a listening therapist, Wang Lingfeng, and I hope my answer helps.

I love the world and you!

Hello, I'm happy to answer your question and hope you find my input helpful.

[Life Coordinates]

There are four quadrants in life: I'm good, you're not; I'm good, you're good; I'm not good, you're good; I'm not good, you're not good.

The questioner can see what other people are doing, how they're feeling, and what they're thinking. That's pretty amazing.

Once you see it, you're already on your way to making a change.

We all move through different stages of life, and it can take a long time to move from one stage to the next.

[The Need Behind Envy and Jealousy, Constructively Fulfilled]

If our inner needs aren't being met, we'll feel emotions like jealousy, loneliness, depression, and sadness.

It's not a "psychological distortion," but rather a signal to recognize needs:

"I want to contribute," "I want to be recognized," "I want to be respected," "I want to be loved," "I want to be seen," and so on.

Once you know what you need, you can accept yourself more. You can also accept your emotions, even if they're not there.

Next, we can use constructive ways to meet our needs. When our needs are met, our emotions will subside, and we'll feel at peace.

[Constructive ways include]:

For instance, if the need is "the desire to be seen,"

Focus on your achievements. Spend your time on your own goals and don't waste your time by pulling others down.

Play to your strengths. Focus on the needs of the group and contribute your own value and abilities. At the same time, pay more attention to your own strengths and get to know yourself better.

Cooperate with others. Being proactive and working with others will make them feel supported. This kind of relationship is very nourishing and will help you get what you need.

You've got this! Believe in yourself and you can do it.

That's all I wanted to share. Best wishes, and thanks for reading!

Good day, questioner. I can see the confusion you are currently experiencing. Please accept my best regards.

The question of why we feel jealous is often answered by examining our attitude.

I will illustrate this with an example.

It is possible that you have a colleague who earns a seven-digit income annually, while you only earn a five-digit income. This discrepancy may lead to feelings of envy, prompting the question, "Why is there such a significant difference in income despite similar work experience?"

If this is the case, you may wish to consider adjusting your mindset. One approach could be to remind yourself that, although your income may be less than that of your colleague, you have a happy family, a supportive spouse, and well-behaved children.

It is beneficial to read more, as this allows us to gain a different perspective.

I previously exhibited a high degree of insecurity, which made it challenging for me to accept that others might be more successful than me. This led to a sense of inadequacy.

Three years ago, I began teaching myself psychology, which has had a significant impact on my outlook. I now consider multiple perspectives and recognize that every situation has two sides, a positive and a negative.

To eliminate envy, it is advisable to refrain from comparing oneself to others. Regardless of the method of comparison, there will always be someone who is performing better than oneself. Therefore, it is essential to focus on self-comparison.

It is also important to learn to be grateful. One way to do this is to keep a daily record of three things, big or small, that you are grateful for that day.

I have always kept a gratitude diary, and as I write, I realize that I am no worse off than others. My situation is, in fact, much more favorable than that of many others, as I have a great many more assets than I lack.

Should you require further assistance, I would recommend consulting with a qualified professional counselor.

A counselor is a trained professional who can provide assistance and guidance.

It would also be beneficial to expand your social circle and make more friends.

The advantage of making more friends is that you can exchange ideas and gain new perspectives.

Asking a question on this platform is a commendable act, and you should be commended for it.

There is a well-known saying in psychology: "Seeing is healing."

It is often the case that self-awareness represents the initial step in the process of healing.

I am optimistic that the issue you are currently facing will be resolved in a satisfactory and timely manner.

That is all I have to offer at this time.

I hope that my above answer has been helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner. As the answerer, I am committed to studying hard every day.

Best regards, Yixinli Team

Thank you for your interest in our company.

The capacity to identify one's own shortcomings and those of others in a given situation is a valuable asset. It demonstrates an ability to discern errors in a timely manner and a willingness to rectify them.

It is important to recognise that nobody is perfect and that all individuals possess some degree of character flaws. The key is to continuously strive for self-improvement. In this regard, you have already demonstrated a commendable level of personal growth by acknowledging your shortcomings and demonstrating a willingness to change. Addressing the immediate challenge is a relatively straightforward process.

The Vulnerability of Human Nature

It is a universal truth that every individual possesses certain inherent weaknesses. However, the specific nature of these weaknesses can vary significantly from one person to another. It is a common phenomenon that the more one lacks something, the more one tends to expect it. Similarly, the more one cares about something, the more one is likely to compare it with other things. Furthermore, the more one lacks something, the more one may often display what one has.

This phenomenon can be interpreted as a vulnerability inherent to human nature or as a universal psychological tendency to seek compensation. It is plausible that there are individuals in this world who genuinely wish for your success, yet the majority of people tend to aspire to achieve a level of accomplishment that is not beyond their own capabilities. This inclination can be perceived as a fundamental aspect of human nature.

A specific mentality is prevalent and intrinsic to human nature. It is essential to confront one's own mentality with objectivity and clarity.

The term "state of mind"

The Analects of Confucius contains the saying, "A gentleman is open and aboveboard; a scoundrel is forever scheming and plotting." This saying does not imply that the person is not open and aboveboard; rather, it suggests that the individual is constantly experiencing negative emotions such as sadness, distress, worry, and anxiety.

Those engaged in the process of cultivation derive pleasure from the act of cultivation itself and perceive beauty in the process. Upon achieving success in cultivation, they experience joy derived from the result. This illustrates the notion that the process possesses intrinsic beauty, and the result similarly possesses intrinsic beauty. This is the attitude of a gentleman. In contrast, those who adopt a less admirable attitude may express sentiments such as "I lack the necessary resources or abilities to achieve this," "I will attain this goal at a later point in time, but it will not be sustainable," "I fantasize about achieving this goal but am unable to do so," or "I am afraid of losing this goal when I finally attain it."

It is often observed that individuals with a negative outlook tend to experience distress when they do not obtain what they desire, and they often fret about the potential consequences of attaining their goal. In contrast, those who adopt a more positive perspective tend to find enjoyment in the process of pursuing their aspirations, even if they do not immediately succeed. This suggests that cultivating a mindset of enjoyment and appreciation for the journey, rather than solely focusing on the destination, can lead to a more fulfilling experience.

From this, we may derive the lesson that our own state of mind is a factor in our ability to adjust our perspective on a given issue. Indeed, the state of mind is a significant influence on our views.

The process of maturation entails a continual rejection of one's past self. In every phase of our lives, when we reflect on our actions and beliefs from the past, we often question our decisions and behaviors. Regret is a common emotion experienced by individuals across various stages of life. Even renowned poets like Tao Yuanming have expressed feelings of remorse. In his poem "Don't look back at the past, for what's gone cannot be retrieved; you can still make up for the future, for you are not yet lost. Realize that today is the day, and make it a good one," he conveys a sense of regret for his past actions. It is important to recognize that nobody is perfect and that feelings of remorse are not necessarily a sign of failure. If such feelings arise, it is crucial to address them constructively and strive for positive change. If they persist, it is essential to find ways to move forward with resilience and optimism.

It is my sincere hope that this will be of some assistance. Let us encourage one another.

Hello, I see you're struggling with this. You say you can't stand it when others do well. Is there a way to "get rid of" jealousy?

It seems like you're pretty self-aware and you do reflect on yourself. Your friends see that others aren't studying and they'll be anxious for them. They see that others have won an award and they'll be genuinely happy for them. But you're the opposite. You see that others are playing while you're studying and you feel happy. You see that others have won an award and you may even be envious and jealous.

You're not crazy, so don't be too hard on yourself. Your thoughts are shared by some people because everyone's thoughts are different. If you're just jealous but not acting on it with hurtful or offensive words or actions, it's okay. Everyone deals with it differently. The reason you're jealous and not genuinely happy for others may be related to your experiences at a certain time.

You might think you need to get rid of jealousy. If you feel that jealousy has made you unrecognizable and affected your interpersonal relationships, you can try to change, but you don't need to eliminate it. The reason jealousy arises is because of comparison. As long as there is comparison, jealousy cannot be completely eliminated.

It's okay to allow yourself to feel jealous sometimes. It can actually help us to progress and grow. If you're feeling jealous, it's also a good idea to think about where that feeling comes from. And if you're struggling with anything, don't be afraid to ask for help or listen to your colleagues.

That's all I can think of for now. At Yixinli, we love you and appreciate you!

Hello, questioner. You said that you can't stand it when others are doing well and that you feel that there is something wrong with your character. I'm going to help you overcome jealousy. From your words, I can feel your criticism and accusations of yourself.

Jealousy is a normal emotion. We all envy others and are envied by others. Envy can drive us crazy, but it can also spur us on. It is not useless, so we should not eliminate it. We should allow jealousy to happen and not be too hard on ourselves.

2. I believe your parents were demanding, and they likely used "other people's children" to motivate you, creating a strong sense of crisis and competition.

If you're around people who perform better than you, you'll feel pressure. You'll think you'll be outperformed again, and your value will be questioned. This makes you feel uncomfortable.

I was in high school at the time, and every time I took an exam, I was fixated on the fluctuation of my ranking, and my mood would rise and fall accordingly. I was always worried that the students behind me would overtake me. When I realized that my attention had wandered, some of the students who had fallen behind had already surpassed me in the college entrance exam through unremitting efforts. I knew that I had lost because of my mentality, and I was going to have to change that.

I came to understand that my value is not reflected in competition with others. I should not limit myself to my own little circle. I can improve by opening up my horizons and walking alongside outstanding opponents. This is a win-win opportunity.

Come on!

Hello! I'm here to support you.

You're confused and want to get rid of your jealousy. You're brave to face your dark side and come here to seek a solution. Many people can't do this, so don't feel bad. You've done well.

Most people can't stand to see others succeed. The more people you know, the more likely you are to feel this way. But you can also feel this way about strangers. So what can we do about this?

1. Focus on yourself.

First, look for the cause in yourself. If you always focus on others' good qualities and ignore your own strengths, you'll fall into this mindset.

We need to focus on our own strengths to become more confident and see the good in others.

2. Confronting Jealousy

We also need to face our jealousy. It's a negative emotion. If we hide it, it will grow.

If we see someone doing better than us, we can admit we're jealous. Then we can think about why and find ways to deal with it. This is the only way to get rid of this mentality at its root.

3. Make it a habit.

We need to develop good habits in our daily lives. For example, communicating and interacting with others more often will help them grow and make you happier.

You also need to pay attention to your emotions and adjust your mentality.

If you get rid of the idea that you can't see others being good, you'll be more confident and happy. You'll also be more successful.

I hope this helps. Best wishes!

Good day, I am Hongmei Luo, your listening coach.

It is important to recognize that feelings of jealousy towards friends can be a natural response in certain situations. However, this can sometimes lead to feelings of annoyance and helplessness. In such instances, it is common to question whether there might be underlying psychological distortions or character issues at play.

You are experiencing negative feelings about yourself and are seeking a solution to the problem.

It is not uncommon for individuals to engage in self-comparison with their peers. At the same time, friendships serve as a reflection of one's inner state. When we interact with our peers, our relationship with them often mirrors our own inner dynamics. These relationships can be either harmonious or conflictual.

Are these conflicts divisive or mutually supportive?

If you perceive your colleague as more successful than yourself, you will not feel genuine satisfaction for their achievements, but rather envy. This is because your identity anxiety is triggered.

The achievements of our colleagues can lead to feelings of inadequacy. These feelings can then manifest as aggression, which provides a temporary sense of relief.

If we view peer relationships in a positive light, they can facilitate our personal growth and development.

Peer relationships provide a valuable opportunity to assess our own performance in comparison to that of our peers.

The presence of another individual and the connection in the relationship provide an opportunity to gain insight into one's own identity, which can contribute to personal growth and development.

It is important to feel a sense of connection, identity, and belonging within the context of peer relationships.

The following methods can be employed to eliminate jealousy:

Remain vigilant and attentive.

Should you observe your colleague achieving a result or displaying a skill that you perceive to be superior to your own, it is advisable to take note of your emotional response. If you experience feelings of envy, it may be helpful to place your hand on your heart and take a few deep breaths.

Perceive the presence of a higher power.

It is important to establish a connection with your colleague. This will enable you to see and hear what they are saying, and to be there for them.

Is there an inner voice that says, "I'm not meeting the required standards, I'm failing, I'm not meeting expectations, I'm not performing as well as I should be, others are more capable than me"?

There is a delicate and vulnerable aspect of the self that resides within you. It is this aspect that desires healing and awakening to the world through you.

It is important to accept yourself and your feelings. It is natural to feel jealous of your partner, to feel that you are not good enough, to feel that your partner is better than you, to feel that you cannot sincerely wish your partner well for the time being, and to feel that you are trying to change.

It would be beneficial to redirect your attention to personal development. It may be advantageous to cease longing for unattainable goals and instead focus on your capabilities.

If you find yourself envying the success of others, it is important to recognize that you can achieve your own success by working hard to improve yourself.

I hope this information is helpful to you.

I am Luo Hongmei, a listening coach, and I welcome the opportunity to engage in exchanges and discussions.

I believe that the emotion of jealousy should be viewed from both a positive and a negative perspective.

It would be beneficial to view this from a positive perspective. Jealousy arises from an awareness of one's own needs and expectations.

I must admit that I also experience feelings of jealousy. For instance, when another individual displays similar characteristics to my own, yet receives a higher evaluation than I do, I do feel a sense of discontent.

At this juncture, it is challenging to remain indifferent.

It is only natural to experience feelings of envy in such circumstances.

I have also demonstrated that I am capable of performing at an exceptional level.

From an emotional standpoint, what is the root cause of this discontent?

I feel that my contributions have not been adequately recognized by my colleagues.

Why was I not identified?

Perhaps I am not effectively differentiating myself from the average person, and I am not providing them with a compelling reason to take notice.

What is the best way to enable someone to perform at their best?

It is more important to demonstrate your abilities, skills, and creativity, and to consider the other person's perspective. What are their sensitivities? What are their needs? In what situations are they more likely to empathize with you?

From content to form, there is a greater sense of gain, novelty, and transcendence of the ordinary. There is an opportunity to enter the feeling of being "uncommon."

Based on this realization, I understand that my need for a distinctive and novel style provides me with the opportunity to stand out as a motivating factor for others. This is a powerful motivator.

On the negative side, jealousy has a detrimental impact.

For example, do not dwell on what you do not possess.

While jealousy is an unpleasant emotion, it is not a productive one.

Jealousy of others reflects a lack of satisfaction with the current status quo, but it does not result in positive productivity.

Jealousy can create a sense of futility, as though there is no way forward. However, this is not the case. It is simply a process that can be the starting point for change.

Jealousy causes individuals to prioritize a false sense of security over openness to new ideas, communication, and growth.

This kind of "Terminator" thinking creates a sense of powerlessness and unhappiness.

Hi there!

Hello, I'm Yang Mengnan, a psychological counselor, and I'm thrilled to be here with you today!

After reading your words carefully, I see that when others are playing while you are studying, you feel happy because you may be able to surpass them. When a friend wins an award, you cannot be genuinely happy for them, but rather feel jealous. I think this is a very normal and exciting emotion for you while you are studying. Jealousy is also an emotion that we humans all have. In the two cases you mentioned above, many people have had the same feelings as you, so don't worry, it's not a matter of your character, nor is it a psychological distortion on your part.

Let's talk about jealousy!

Jealousy is a feeling that we all have. There is no right or wrong, it is written in our genes, so you don't have to feel guilty or ashamed about it. Everyone feels jealous from time to time, and usually it only lasts a short while. If the feeling of jealousy is appropriate, it can be a driving force for us to move forward!

If it exists for too long, it can snowball and grow over time, even affecting a lifetime. But don't worry! There are ways to avoid this happening.

So, let's dive in and discover how we can avoid jealousy snowballing!

There are three fantastic ways to avoid jealousy snowballing! First, you can rely on reason. This means being aware of your jealous words and deeds and controlling them in time. Second, you can increase your abilities. The stronger your abilities, the more self-confidence you'll have. And the more self-confidence you have, the less jealous you'll become! Third, you can discover your own value, find your own love, and find "any valuable touch" to yourself. This will help you shift your focus from others to yourself!

How can we transform jealousy into envy?

Admitting that the person we are jealous of is better than us and then deciding to learn from that person is a great way to turn jealousy into admiration! It's a fantastic motivator that will inspire us to learn rather than fight. It's true that I know you are better than me, but I like you or I love you, so I will not attack you. Instead, I will learn from you and become like you!

I wish you all the very best!

Hello, I'm Shu Yaping, a psychological coach at One Mind. Let's take a look at how we can help the part of us that can't stand to see others do well to grow.

Do you ever feel a little self-doubt or indignation when you catch a glimpse of your own envy, jealousy, or self-negativity? You're doing great!

You are truly amazing for being so self-aware, for seeing your true feelings and needs, and for courageously seeking self-growth!

01. First, give yourself a break and be different from others.

We all have different backgrounds and experiences that shape who we are. It's what makes us unique!

These unique qualities have nothing to do with right or wrong; they are real and beautiful. So please, don't label yourself as mentally twisted.

It's okay if you're happy or not because of someone else's "good" or "bad" deeds. It's also okay if you feel envy or jealousy, or if you congratulate them or celebrate. All of these are your true inner feelings, which show that you have your own thoughts and needs about this matter.

So, give others the freedom to be themselves. And don't be afraid to embrace your own strengths and weaknesses, and to experience a range of emotions and feelings.

It's so important to recognize the feelings and needs behind our emotions, to nourish ourselves, and to keep our hearts open. This is the best way to grow!

Everyone's growth journey starts with having some ideas. I've also seen many teachers give amazing analysis and advice. Way to go! Keep up the great work!

02. About jealousy

As we grow and learn, our teachers and the culture around us will often tell us that jealousy is a "bad" quality, a destructive emotion, and an unacceptable thought.

It's okay to admit that you want to become a successful person, or that you want a good family and parents, or that you want someone who is good to you. We all want these things!

It's only when we face our deeper needs that we can discover our deepest desires.

Let your inner desires guide you, take care of yourself, and know that you'll become someone others admire.

Instead of standing by the edge of a deep pool and longing for fish, it's better to step back and weave a net, be brave and admit your feelings, challenge yourself, make a brave breakthrough, and achieve self-fulfillment.

03. Self-Exploration: What kind of self do you want to become?

It's so important to remember that the "good" and "bad" of others are all a true reflection of the person, and they all have their own goals and efforts. That's something we can't help but worry about, but it's really not our problem.

And we all know who we are and where we're going, don't we?

Have you ever asked yourself, "What kind of person do I want to be?" It's a great question!

So, it's a great idea to read some celebrity biographies during your teenage years. It's a wonderful way to see how other people you admire have grown and developed. You can also use it as a way to figure out your own direction and style in life. And of course, it's a great way to be yourself!

Growing up is a lifelong thing, and it's such a wonderful journey! I truly believe that maintaining an open, optimistic, and kind attitude towards life will help you become the best version of yourself!

I love you, world! I really hope I've been helpful.

Hello, my child. I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

It's actually pretty normal, and a lot of people feel this way. So, what's stopping us from genuinely celebrating others' achievements? And why can your friend be genuinely happy for others' awards?

One big reason for this is comparison! You might realize you're comparing yourself to others, while she may not be in a position to do that.

It's true that without comparison, there's no harm done.

Once we start comparing, we'll realize that we're not as good as others in many ways, so it's natural to feel inferior. Plus, when people look at others, they tend to focus on their strengths and ignore their weaknesses, which makes them feel that others are better than themselves.

Sometimes I even often compare other people's strengths to my own weaknesses. This kind of comparison can make you feel inferior and uneasy.

I think the reason your friend doesn't worry about others surpassing her and is happy for other people's achievements is probably because she doesn't compare herself to others.

She'll feel that she has her own good, and that others have their own good that deserves recognition. There's no contradiction between her own good and others' good. We can also applaud others' excellence while enjoying others applauding for ourselves.

But in fact, most of us don't have this ability. I used to be the same way. When I saw someone else succeed, I didn't necessarily cheer for the other person. Sometimes, I even felt disgusted or inferior.

This phenomenon is actually pretty complex and can't be explained in simple terms because people are complex. When you add in differences in living environments and experiences during growth, it's easy to see how our behaviors and thoughts can change. We can understand this from two levels:

1. There's a kind and generous side of human nature that's willing to applaud others without discrimination.

Some people are willing to applaud others because there's a kind part of human nature. When we praise and applaud others, our bodies secrete dopamine, which makes us feel happy. Genes encourage us to appreciate and help each other, which is good for our evolution.

Because everyone has their own flaws, and we all need to work together to overcome difficulties and defeat the beast...

2. Human nature also includes the dark side, like competitiveness.

Darwin said that the fittest survive. It seems that if we don't compete and compare, we'll be eliminated. So, as we get older, we see that there's a lot of competition and comparison in the real world. We often go with the flow and feel anxious about comparison. When we see someone else's good points, we feel that we're not good enough and even feel threatened...

This is totally normal, but we can make a better choice.

That's about letting go of comparisons and being the best version of yourself. Everyone is unique, so people aren't really comparable. You might go to the same school, but you have different experiences, different specialties, different family backgrounds, different educational backgrounds... No one is exactly the same as another person, so there's not much point in comparing. Everyone is unique, so there's no need to prove this through comparison.

Often, when we see the good in others, we feel a bit inadequate and it's tough to give them a thumbs-up. But if we can let go of comparisons and recognize their good, it's their good, and it doesn't affect our good.

He's actually pretty good at this, but I'm not bad either. I've got my own strengths too. Just because he's good at this doesn't mean I'm not good at something else.

I am my own person with my own strengths, and she is her own person with her own strengths.

We all have our own unique mission when we enter this world. It's important to find our place and enjoy the journey of life, share our own light, and cheer on the bright lives of others.

When we all recognize our own value, live up to it, let go of comparisons, and appreciate one another, society will become more harmonious and stable.

So, don't let comparisons get in the way of your happiness. May you sing your own beautiful song of life, and also admire the beautiful dance of life of others.

Also, figure out what you're really jealous and envious of. That's what you need and want. When you get what you need and want in a reasonable way, you'll be your best self and see your own value. You'll be done with being jealous and envious of others. For example, I used to envy confident, professional, and influential counselors. Over the years, I became one through my own efforts. I even became partners with a teacher I once envied. My envy and jealousy have completely disappeared.

I hope this is helpful for you. Best wishes!

I have carefully studied the jealous thought of "not being able to bear to see others doing well," and I'm excited to share what I've learned!

Hello! Every thought and emotion has a source, and there is no good or bad. Emotions are just a reminder that something inside us is uncomfortable. You also care about yourself and observe yourself in great detail, which is great because it means you're aware of your feelings and thoughts!

When I studied the emotion of jealousy, I made an incredible discovery: "Jealousy stems from inner inferiority!"

I bet this is making you think! What's going on when it seems like the reason behind a lot of emotional behavior can be attributed to low self-esteem?

Because inferiority is a feeling that comes from deep within, and it's something we can all relate to!

The relationship between inferiority and jealousy is fascinating! When a proud little girl discovers that another girl is smarter, prettier, gentler, and kinder than she is, she may feel inferior for a moment. But then, something amazing happens: that feeling of inferiority is transformed into jealousy!

This transformation is actually a kind of self-defense mechanism. It's a way of protecting ourselves and giving us the chance to keep growing stronger.

Inferiority turns into jealousy, and jealousy may even turn into aggression—it's a fascinating process!

Self-defense mechanisms are our allies in the quest to become stronger. But to keep growing, we must embrace our shortcomings and be open to learning from our mistakes. When we do, we'll find ourselves with an open heart, ready to take on the world!

So, here's my advice: keep a low profile, be in awe of others, and act with a humble and cautious attitude. If we keep our profile low, who can make us fall from a high position?

The wisdom of the ancients is truly amazing! It's so inspiring to realize that "modesty makes one progress, while pride makes one lag behind."

Hello, question asker.

I am Li Hongxia, a listening coach.

Your words show you to be a brave person who is honest with yourself. You have begun to see and perceive "envy."

It is normal to experience this kind of "jealousy" because it is a complex psychological state. It is manifested in people's envy, dissatisfaction, and rejection of certain advantages, benefits, or superior conditions possessed by others.

Our parents often compared us to our classmates, noting who got better grades, behaved better, etc. Even as adults, we may feel downhearted when we see others doing better than us at work, earning more, or living a happier life. This can lead to feelings of envy and resentment. When faced with someone similar to ourselves, we may unconsciously compare ourselves. This can result in a belief that we can only be better than others, but that others cannot be better than us. When we feel that others are better than us, it can lead to feelings of envy and jealousy.

It's normal to feel envious when you see your friends winning awards. But we don't need to be harsh on ourselves, doubt ourselves, or even fall into such emotions. First, hug yourself and stop blaming the "twisted self" inside.

Jealousy is often a sign of deep-seated self-doubt. We feel inadequate and undervalue ourselves. Consequently, we unconsciously compare ourselves to those who are more successful and become resentful, unable to genuinely congratulate the other person.

We must look at jealousy from a different perspective. This is the answer.

First of all, remember that everyone is unique. Don't compare yourself to others. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. If someone excels in a certain area, it's because they've put in the work and achieved the result. It's not because they're naturally gifted. As friends or roommates, we congratulate them. You have strengths that make others envious, too. Be proud of them. Shine in the area that you're good at. I guarantee you'll receive flowers and applause. As your roommates, friends, and classmates, they'll be happy for you. They'll envy you.

Appreciate your strengths and those of others. Everyone will grow. The four girls in the same dormitory of a university reported in the People's Daily a few days ago are a great example of this. They have different personalities, but they all use their own distinctive characteristics to help others. They encourage and learn from each other. On the occasion of their graduation, they were all admitted to graduate school. Appreciate yourself and others. Give roses to others and enjoy the fragrance on your hands.

Second, accept your emotions. We all have them, and they can be good or bad. Accept them all. Don't just like your "good" emotions, but also accept your "bad" emotions. Don't judge or criticize them, but see them, be aware of them, and discuss them with others. This will give you a deeper understanding of emotions and how to deal with them better.

Finally, turn "jealousy" into motivation. When we find that others really do better than us at the same thing, that they are better than us, it means that there is a gap between us and others. This is an opportunity to remain humble, seek advice from others, and continue to study in depth. We will also find that we are getting closer and closer to "excellence," which will enhance our self-confidence.

I am a listening coach, Li Hongxia, and I will help you. You will get better and better.

Read the book Inferiority and Transcendence.

Dear Questioner, My name is Rose, and I am available to listen and provide support.

From your written responses, I can ascertain that you are a person of high integrity. You have identified that you possess a tendency to be envious of others and that this can lead to feelings of inadequacy.

Let's discuss this further.

Through comparison with colleagues, you have identified a tendency to be envious.

You are a perceptive individual who is able to assess your own behavior based on the actions of others. This is an effective method for gaining insight into your own actions and tendencies.

This is also an area of strength.

2. Through the actions of your colleagues, you have identified some areas for improvement in your psychological resilience.

You are content when you are engaged in study and others are not. You are dissatisfied when others are more accomplished than you.

This is an example of a jealous mentality.

It is important to note that envy is a common psychological phenomenon experienced by many individuals. The desire to compare ourselves with others can often lead to the identification of our own shortcomings. Adlerian psychology suggests that everyone has an inherent psychological need to seek superiority, which can manifest as envy when we perceive others to be more successful or accomplished.

However, when we compare ourselves with others and gain an advantage, it provides a sense of superiority. Conversely, when we are unable to satisfy our sense of superiority in the face of inadequacies, we are prone to develop a distorted mentality, namely, the mentality of envy.

It is important to note that feelings of jealousy do not necessarily indicate moral deficiency. However, it is unproductive to indulge in such feelings.

Let's discuss ways to adjust this mentality appropriately.

1. Accept the envious self.

Given the prevalence of this mentality among many individuals, it is advisable to accept its existence. Failure to do so may result in feelings of jealousy, which can have a detrimental impact on mental health.

It is therefore recommended that you allow yourself to have this mentality and view it from a positive perspective. Its existence allows you to gain deeper insight into your own needs, how you view others, and how you view yourself.

Secondly, it is important to be aware of the need to adjust this mentality.

Once this mentality emerges, we become aware of it and identify what we envy in others and what we want. We also observe the efforts others make to achieve superior results, which helps us gain a better understanding of others.

It is important to recognize that the achievements of others are the result of their hard work and that they deserve to receive them. We should acknowledge the efforts of others and be supportive of their accomplishments.

It is important to consider the level of effort required to achieve your desired outcome.

Adjusting one's mentality is an ongoing process of self-learning.

3. Engage in additional activities to identify your own strengths.

When you are jealous of others, you cannot see your own strengths. To gain a better understanding of yourself, you should engage in activities that allow you to recognize and praise your own achievements.

I extend my best wishes to you and the world at large.

Everyone needs a sense of meaning and value in our existence! We often place these in "comparison," always hoping that we will be the superior party in the comparison. This is a very difficult and hard expectation, so when our clever brains want to be lazy, they will have the desire to "wait for the rabbit to come to the tree." That is, I don't move, and neither does anyone else. Even if others can fail and regress, in short, don't surpass me, so that we can rest well. At this time, we will also feel angry and anxious because others are "working too hard." This may be the beginning of the emotion of "jealousy."

It's not that we can't stand to see others succeed—it's that we get a little anxious when they're constantly moving forward. We're just afraid to let them get ahead of us! This usually only happens around us, in places where we can compare ourselves or where we care about others, such as our friends, classmates, or siblings. This is commonly known as peer pressure. We're both partners and competitors in different situations. It's tough to stay calm and collected when we're at a disadvantage. But we usually sincerely wish well and are happy for people we don't care about and who are further away because of their position and preferences, such as athletes and idols we like. We feel proud when they achieve good results in competitions, auditions, or ratings!

The reason why we feel pressure to compare ourselves with our peers is that there are always many voices in our lives comparing us to others. "Look at so-and-so, what did they do, look at you," "You should learn from so-and-so"... But few people explicitly affirm and support us. This is also a characteristic of our "education"—humility makes people progress, while pride makes people regress. We are used to focusing on our shortcomings and using them as the basis for comparison. Even if there are times when you see your own strengths, you are still so self-conscious that it is hard to say with justification that you are very good. But that's OK! It just means you have room to grow. And that's a good thing!

I've got two messages for you! First, there's no need to get rid of jealousy. It's a basic emotion that we all share. What we can do is reduce how much it affects us. Once you understand where jealousy comes from, you'll feel better. Acceptance is much more helpful than resistance. Second, we think that self-awareness and total acceptance are really important. We understand our strengths and weaknesses, and we can be very confident in our strengths. This will help us in many situations!