I cheated on my ex-girlfriend, and she blocked me. What was she thinking?

Perhaps the key is not so much what she thinks, but rather what you think.

Firstly, your ex-girlfriend's continued interest in you may be a result of your own lack of clarity regarding boundaries. It is not uncommon for former partners to maintain occasional contact after a breakup. However, it seems that she views you as a mere emotional receptacle or even a mere companion for her emptiness. Despite this, you appear to be quite content with this arrangement and are willing to cooperate with her.

It may also help to address any excess hormones or boring moods and needs. It might be helpful to consider that focusing on what your ex-girlfriend thinks may not be the best approach.

Secondly, it is important to consider your own thoughts and feelings. Could you please explain your current relationship and your current girlfriend?

Perhaps it would be helpful to put yourself in her shoes. If your current girlfriend was as entangled with her ex-boyfriend as you are with your ex-girlfriend, how would you feel? Would you allow her to do that?

I may be a bit direct, but I think it's important to acknowledge that your thinking has deviated from the focus and starting point.

Third, it is often the case that love and intimacy are better maintained between two people in the long term. Having a third party or juggling between two people is not a sustainable approach. It may be the case that you have deeper feelings for your ex-girlfriend.

Or perhaps you feel indifferent towards your current girlfriend? Or is it the same for both?

Of course, this is a matter of personal freedom and cannot be interfered with. It would be beneficial, though, to think about what you really think.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what you truly prefer. It might be beneficial to address your inner turmoil and conflicts in a constructive manner, and to embrace your true self in order to foster a healthy and fulfilling intimate relationship.

Public Zonghao: A young man with a false appearance (ID: qingnianJIA2020) would be grateful for the opportunity to maintain communication with you.

Yi Xinli Answering Questions Hall is a supportive community where we strive to foster mutual respect and understanding. We invite you to learn more by visiting https://m.xinli001.com/qa.

The questioner is still attached to his ex-girlfriend. He had an relationship-amicably-but-i-am-torn-about-whether-or-not-to-tell-her-about-my-affair-11554.html" target="_blank">affair with her behind his current girlfriend's back. This is wrong. You must take responsibility for your actions. He still went out with her after she contacted him!

The questioner broke up with his ex-girlfriend five years ago because of a fight. It was impulsive. Do you love her or your current girlfriend? You know best.

If we're disappointed in someone, we won't try to get in touch or be friends.

They can't be honest and become friends after breaking up because they loved each other. The questioner said he didn't like his ex-girlfriend, but he went to visit her when he heard she was sick and even had sex with her. Why?

Is it uncontrollable? Or is this how you want to be in a relationship?

The current girlfriend contacted the question owner to tell him she still had expectations of him. She wants to have a relationship with him, whether she has been happy or not in the past few years. She wants to be good with him now.

If we don't like someone, we know our limits and don't give them false hope. It's unclear if the questioner really doesn't like his ex-girlfriend.

Men and women are possessive about their relationships. They think love is only for them. So when exes ask for things, they agree because they can't refuse. This is unhealthy.

It's unclear if the questioner and his ex-partner had a bad relationship. After contacting each other after many years, the questioner agreed to meet. However, after making contact, the questioner discovered that a relationship was still possible.

Let me help you.

1. By blacklisting you, she is showing her attitude. If she wants to be with you but you are not interested, it is best to end it. From the dialogue with the questioner, it seems that the questioner already has a girlfriend. Blacklisting means that she knows her actions have caused distress and she thinks her contact may affect the questioner's current relationship. Love does not have to be owned, letting go is also a kind of love.

2. Blocking is a test. After the breakup, the questioner's ex-partner contacted her many times, even showing her weakest side. If she didn't love him, why would she let her ex-partner know that she was having a hard time? That was her desired outcome: to be pitied and to have you.

3. The questioner already has a current partner, and is still communicating with the ex-partner. Why does she want to know what the ex-partner is thinking? Who cares more, the ex or the current partner?

I hope my answer helps. Listen to Master Liu Qi!

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your inquiry. Best regards, [Name] [Title]

I am a professional counselor. First, I will give you a big hug. In the world of relationships, there is no right or wrong, only people who don't cherish each other. Because of the current relationship, you have allowed your emotions to cloud your judgment, leading you to prioritize temporary solutions over long-term stability. It's like when we want to buy something we've had our eye on, and when we actually get it, it doesn't seem to feel the same as it did at first. Since it's an ex-girlfriend, then we have to address the current girlfriend. Everything has a cause and effect. It was precisely because of the breakup with the ex-girlfriend that there was a later incident. But when we continue with the new story, we can't let go of the past for a long time. Not being able to say goodbye means that we are really not willing to let go. From the fact that she blocked herself from you, there are two signals. First, you have no debt to her, and she has no debt to you. Unless you really like the ex more than the current one, what else can you do? If there is no debt, how can you meet again? After meeting again, you still hope to forget each other, or continue to maintain this kind of ambiguous and complicated relationship. Compared to women, men are even more inclined to prioritize their own needs.

It is evident that she is unable to do so.

Your girlfriend's initial impression of her was not positive. Following a disagreement, they separated. You did not have a positive opinion of her, so you did not engage with her. The differences in personality were evident from the outset and contributed to the breakdown of the relationship. Regardless of your feelings at the time, if there is no emotional connection, it will not last. During that period, your focus was on visual experiences. The feeling of not cherishing the relationship and missing each other after the separation is a common experience among couples. It is not a case of forgetting her or her forgetting you. It is simply a matter of taking a step back, creating some space, and allowing the distance to bring about a positive change.

Two years later, she informed you that she had a fever and sought medical attention. There was no sexual contact. Reflecting on their relationship, you maintain the same feelings for her as at the outset. From your perspective, you have not fully let her go, but rather the past. She appears emotionally distressed and has been crying frequently. Later that morning, she instructed you to leave the premises because the man had approached her again. You have not heard from her since.

Firstly, another party has caused her distress, and you wish to be the one to provide protection and comfort. Secondly, she has taken the initiative, and you have subsequently developed feelings for her. This kind of situation is one that causes us to feel particularly vulnerable, and it is a desire that we wish to demonstrate can be fulfilled by men.

Three years later, she disclosed that she had a fever. This time, it was related to the new crown. She stated that in recent years, she had encountered an unsavory character when she was emotionally distressed, and the relationship ended after she learned more about him. However, he persisted in contacting her, and she later filed a police report. She subsequently met a highly compatible partner. It has been a year since they separated. He was extremely fond of her, and they resumed sexual intimacy.

I ignored her because I already had a girlfriend. However, she became very strange. After two days, she suddenly sent a lot of messages saying that she didn't plan on being in a relationship recently. It seemed like she had seen my girlfriend. After that, she didn't contact me. Ten days later, she contacted me again and started pestering me. She was also struggling with herself. In the end, she suddenly asked me if we could try again. I refused, saying that I couldn't do it if she were looking for me. I told her she could just go ahead and find someone else. Then she explained. I suddenly realized that she didn't know I had a girlfriend. I covered it up and responded to her. She immediately felt it and blocked and deleted me.

From another perspective, these two sexual encounters (one initiated by you, one not) do not indicate that she is in love with you. If we assume that the sexual partner is engaging in sexual activity solely to satisfy their physical desires, then it is possible that this is the case. She is not the only man in her life, and even if she is aware that you have a girlfriend, it does not prevent her from engaging in sexual activity with you because she has already evaluated you from the moment she began dating you. I am unsure if you have considered this, but this cannot be classified as cheating, nor can we make any assumptions about her character. At the very least, you have had a period of time together, and it is more appropriate for her to pursue you. Because you have maintained your commitment to your current girlfriend for a second time, it can be seen that you are still emotionally attached to her. As for why she keeps asking you out again and again, it is because you are available and can be contacted at any time. More importantly, you believe you understand her, which has become the reason she is willing to accept you. In fact, you cannot be considered emotionally attached. At least after several encounters, she just lacks a male partner, but this is not love.

The concept of love is centered on the notions of possession and giving. It is evident that she lacks these fundamental aspects of love. It is plausible that her upbringing in an environment that lacked a sense of security has shaped her expectations. She appears to crave the attention and companionship of numerous members of the opposite sex, which may be a manifestation of her underlying insecurity.

Based on the information you have provided, I will offer a few suggestions.

From an objective standpoint, deleting is merely a tactic to "play hard to get." An external observer may perceive more than the individual involved. It is evident that she will not leave you easily, and your feelings for her have surpassed her existence to you. It is essential to evaluate your intentions and consider your current relationship. If you claim that the initial encounter was a case of mistaken identity, it was merely to satisfy a feeling of emptiness. However, you have returned to reality and must determine whether she truly loves you or intends to walk down the aisle with you. This is a crucial decision that requires careful consideration.

If necessary, engage in a candid discussion. If the motivation for seeking a new relationship is simply to fill a void left by a previous one, it is advisable to proceed with caution. Given the presence of a current partner, the situation carries inherent risks.

As you are not married, this constitutes a loss of self-identity in terms of ethics and morals. It is not considered an actual infidelity.

In essence, you are passive and somewhat addicted. You cannot say whether you like it or not, but you feel more unwilling than your current attitude towards your current girlfriend. The more you are not allowed to get close to her, the more curious you are. Realistically, if your current one really knows your situation, it may not be the worst result. It is fate who can get together with someone, and it is also God's will who can't. I hope you can cherish everything in front of you.

It is not the objective phenomena that are important; what is important is what you really want. The subjective choices should be made according to your heart. The more we cannot get what we want, the more we want it. Once we really get it, we may not cherish it. Whether your ex really grasps you, only you know best in your heart. Once you get married, you will be able to see the essence of the truth. You can try to fight for it.

This advice is for reference only. We are all connected in this world. Best regards,

Dear question asker, I can discern the confusion you are currently experiencing. I extend to you my utmost support and encouragement.

You are currently experiencing some difficulties in your romantic relationships. Please accept my condolences and allow me to offer you a comforting embrace once more.

What is more intriguing is the question of why the individual in question holds such a strong attachment to the fact that their former romantic partner deleted them.

It is possible that the subconscious mind has not yet processed the breakup with the former girlfriend.

In the absence of resolution, the dissolution of the relationship with the former partner will remain an unresolved issue.

The question thus arises as to what precisely is meant by the term "unfinished event."

It refers to past situations that have not yet been satisfactorily resolved or completely healed, especially traumatic or difficult situations. It also encompasses the unexpressed emotions that arise from this, including remorse, anger, resentment, pain, anxiety, sadness, guilt, and a sense of abandonment, among others.

In summary, this indicates that the process has reached a temporary impasse before reaching its conclusion.

The above definition is from the Internet.

It may be beneficial to address your feelings towards your former romantic partner before attempting to process the situation more effectively. The discovery of your new relationship and subsequent removal from her social media accounts and communication may be a significant trigger for you.

The question thus arises as to how one might cope with this emotional attachment to one's former romantic partner.

The following approaches may be attempted:

One potential approach is to compose a formal letter of farewell, with no restrictions on the number of words or length.

An alternative approach is to utilise the "empty chair technique".

The "empty chair technique" involves sitting in a chair and imagining one's former romantic partner sitting in another empty chair. This allows the individual to verbalize their thoughts and feelings, including any negative emotions associated with the dissolution of the relationship.

In the event that one is uncertain as to the manner in which the aforementioned "empty chair technique" should be employed, it is recommended that one seek the guidance of a qualified professional psychologist.

Given that your former romantic partner has already ceased to hold romantic feelings for you, it is now time for you to do the same.

Frequently, the process of letting oneself go entails letting go of others as well.

It is my sincere hope that the issue you are currently facing can be resolved in the near future.

This is the extent of my suggestions for the time being.

It is my sincere hope that my above answer will prove both helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner. As the answerer, I am committed to continuous learning.

At Yixinli, we extend our warmest regards to all and wish you the best.

Greetings. I extend to you a 360-degree embrace.

In response to your inquiry, it is crucial to understand that the opinions of your former romantic partner are not the primary concern. Instead, it is essential to focus on your own thoughts and desires at this particular point in time.

Ultimately, it is your own desires and aspirations that should be the primary consideration, rather than the opinions or expectations of your former romantic partner.

It is possible that your ex-girlfriend may be experiencing regret, may be in the midst of a period of transition between relationships, may be attempting to assess her options, or may be interested in pursuing a renewed relationship.

The crucial point is to ascertain one's own desires. In the absence of communication from your former romantic partner, what would be your initial plan of action? Would you continue to pursue a relationship with your current partner, or would you maintain a state of anticipation?

One may choose to document one's life plan. It is important to note that the concept of an "ex-girlfriend" is a construct that does not exist in reality. What are your plans for work and love?

One must consider whether alterations to the original plan of action are necessary in light of the recent developments. It is also important to determine whether this incident will have an impact on future behavior.

One must be aware that inadvertent actions can sometimes set off a series of events akin to a domino effect.

It is evident that, despite previously expressing indifference towards your former romantic partner, she continues to exert a significant influence over you. Could your current predicament be an attempt to validate your self-perception, or to assign culpability for the dissolution of your relationship to another party?

The specific mental process undergone in response to contact from an ex-girlfriend, and the rationale behind such contact, are of secondary importance. What matters is the present moment and the desire that arises from it.

Additionally, one may consult with a counselor.

I am a counselor who is frequently Buddhist and occasionally exhibits pessimistic tendencies. However, I also demonstrate periods of positivity and motivation. I extend my love and appreciation to the world.

Hi, I'm Strawberry.

The questioner is still attached to his ex. He knows he doesn't really like her, but why did he go to her house when she contacted him?

Understand your own behavior.

The questioner broke up with his ex five years ago after a fight. He was impulsive. They kept in touch, and she asked him to go to her house. You don't delete contact info unless you're waiting for something.

When we're disappointed in someone, we don't think about getting back together or being friends. We can't be frank after a breakup. The questioner said he didn't like his ex-girlfriend. When he heard she was sick, he went to visit her and even had sex with her.

The current girlfriend contacted the question owner to tell him she still had expectations of him. The question owner knows what she is thinking because he is not in his first relationship. When we dislike someone, we know our boundaries and don't maintain ambiguous relationships. So whether the question owner really doesn't like the ex-girlfriend is unclear.

? Private property, possessiveness

Some men believe that even if a woman becomes their ex, she is still theirs. This makes them agree to her demands and unable to refuse.

The questioner didn't feel like reconciling because of the quarrel and mention of breaking up. Later, when the ex-boyfriend asked if there was still a chance for them, the questioner refused, saying, "When I'm the one looking for you, it's not okay, but when you're the one looking for me, it's okay?" The other person's actions made the questioner feel passive and held back.

I don't know if the questioner and her ex were like this before. The questioner resisted this way of being. After many years, the questioner agreed to meet. She wanted to verify something. But after getting in touch, she realized that some problems still existed.

Blocking someone is a test.

Look at what the ex-boyfriend did.

1. Blacklisting shows one's attitude.

The questioner already has a girlfriend. Blacklisting means she knows her actions have caused distress and thinks her contact affects the questioner's relationship. Love doesn't have to be owned; letting go is also a kind of love.

She tried to win the author back. The author's response made her think there was a possibility. After discovering the truth, she realized she was the only one unable to let go of the past.

2. Blocking someone is a test.

The questioner's ex-boyfriend didn't want to break up. After she broke up with him, she contacted him many times, even showing him her most vulnerable side. If she didn't love him, why would she let him know that she was having a hard time?

So this time, blocking him may be her way of testing the questioner to see if he will find her and find out if she still has a place in his heart.

The questioner has a current partner and is still in touch with their ex. Why do they want to know what their ex is thinking? Would their current partner accept it? Who do they care about more?

I hope this helps.

Hello, I am a heart detective coach, Fly. 2023 is going to be your best year yet!

You and your ex are playing a game of cat and mouse! One person is teasing, and the other is taking the bait. Then, the teasing person teases again, and the other person keeps taking the bait. You are the mouse, and the other person is the cat!

You can't help but wonder: what is the other person thinking? Is he or she still playing the game of cat and mouse?

Let's dive right in and explore how you feel about your ex!

You said you actually didn't like her very much, so you stopped seeing each other after the breakup. But guess what? She added you on WeChat two years later! You responded and agreed to her request to visit her at home.

Three years later, she complained to you again, and you once again agreed to visit her at home and have sex with her (while having a current girlfriend).

The above is somewhat contradictory to what you said later, "Why is it okay for you to look for me when I'm not available, but not okay for me to look for you?"

These reflect your reluctance to part with your ex. It seems that she always has the initiative, breaking up whenever she wants, deleting your stuff whenever she wants, adding it back whenever she wants, and saying she's sick whenever she wants you to visit.

After all, you were once good, and men have a strong desire to challenge. Having sex with her, or being unable to control your emotions in the depths of love, could also be you "declaring sovereignty" and using sex as a way to fiercely "fight back" against the other person breaking up with you.

Seeing your own interactions with your ex is a great way to take back your right to choose! It'll help you avoid getting caught in a cycle that could impact your relationship with your current partner, no matter what the cycle is.

2. Kindness without wisdom is not kindness — but it can be!

Your ex-boyfriend called you twice when he was sick, and you went to visit him both times. This shows that you are still sentimental and kind-hearted, which is great! However, kindness needs to be complemented by wisdom. Kindness without wisdom can easily be taken advantage of by others, and it may even be seen as "weakness" in the eyes of others.

From your description of breaking up with your ex, I get the feeling that she sees you as a "spare tire." She met a scumbag, was heartbroken and disappointed, and thought of you for comfort and companionship; she just ended a beautiful relationship and needs someone to keep her company through the loneliness, and thought of you. But here's the good news! You are that someone!

And this time, your ex says she has no plans to fall in love anytime soon, but she's still trying to "tweak" your heartstrings. Is she looking for you as a "spare tire" to keep her company on lonely nights? The answer is actually always with you!

Because, during the time you were dating your ex, you got to know her patterns really well (she was active and controlling) and her patterns with you (she called you whenever she wanted and treated you like dirt).

Suggestion: Instead of pondering over the other person, you should first become aware of your own patterns and your relationships with your exes and current partner. If you want to live in the present, then make a decision! And if you want to continue the relationship, you need to make a decisive choice. Go for it!

I really hope the above is helpful to you! The world and I love you! ??

If you want to continue the conversation, just click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I'd love to communicate and grow with you one-on-one!