I dare not express myself, I'm afraid of not being accepted by my peers, social phobia, what should I do?

Due to the limitations of the word count, I am unable to express myself fully. Furthermore, I have not provided the complete narrative.

In my second year of high school, I was able to demonstrate my capabilities on numerous occasions when answering questions. However, I am uncertain as to why that period is now viewed in a negative light.

Regarding my views on classmates, I am providing this information because I am unsure if my initial conclusion was related to my attitude towards the outside world.

Since the beginning of my junior high school years in 2006, I have experienced feelings of remorse and regret for holding overly positive views of my classmates. A few of them had engaged in actions that were less than friendly towards me. I had previously been influenced by the belief that classmate relationships were inherently positive. As a result, I made the decision at that time to not view classmate relationships as something that had been cultivated over the years.

I have a negative opinion of and actively avoid contact with the majority of my former classmates. Since our high school days, there has been a pervasive culture of gossip and disdain. It is as though we are not even on the same level of acquaintance.

Given that we were all classmates, it is surprising that there was so much ill will towards the outside world. Could we not be a little kinder?

Upon reflection, I have determined that my high opinion of my classmates was influenced by two factors: regression and pop culture. Specifically, I attributed the strength of our relationships to the closeness of our classmates and the prevalence of pop culture in our interactions.

Furthermore, I questioned whether I could be more cordial with acquaintances, even if the relationship between classmates is not comparable to that of distant relatives, etc.

Furthermore, my thoughts about acquaintances remain unchanged. Is this due to my proximity to these individuals, or am I inclined to view these relationships with undue favor?

Or were those relationships not as close as initially perceived?

I have no regrets about my past actions, despite the difficulties I faced. I stand by my decisions because I do not believe my former classmates deserved the treatment I gave them. In hindsight, I am pleased with my conduct.

I was concerned that my studies would be adversely affected by dating, and I was aware that I was prone to sentimentality. Consequently, I chose to avoid any contact with female students. When I spoke about my classmates, they were all male, and there were no female classmates.

This is unfortunate because it results in fewer memorable scenes and experiences. Furthermore, I have no objection to female classmates.

I can only say that life is full of twists and turns, and that reflection on it is the best one can do.

I am unsure if my response was adequately addressed. I sensed a lack of engagement and a perception of indifference, contempt, and even rejection. Could this be related to my own feelings of disengagement from the external environment?

The reason for including this additional information is to provide context. It is my belief that the perception of an unfriendly world is a projection of my own unfriendliness.

I had no issues with interpersonal relationships until the third year of junior high school. However, after that point, my grades declined and I began experiencing difficulties in my interpersonal relationships.

I would experience a negative emotional response when my grades declined, which often resulted in interpersonal conflicts. For instance, I would initiate confrontations with others without a clear rationale.

While seemingly inconsequential, these interactions ultimately impact the quality of the relationship. At that juncture, one might perceive a surplus of individuals with whom they are unable to establish rapport.

At that time, I may have formed the impression that I was unable to get along with many people, which led to an unproductive self-image.

During that period, I was experiencing difficulties in my academic performance. When I was thriving or feeling positive about myself, I did not exhibit those behaviors. It appears that I can easily become a prominent figure and interact effectively with others. I believe I am familiar with approximately 90% of the individuals in my network.

This also presents a significant challenge, as it appears to create two distinct personas: one confident and assertive, and the other vulnerable and hesitant. The assertive persona has no issues with interpersonal relationships.

However, when I feel weak, I am reminded of my junior high school days, where only about 45% of the people are okay. This is not a situation I want to be in, and I believe it will greatly affect my image.

Originally, I was able to interact with the majority of people in a positive manner. However, I felt that I was in the minority in this regard. This is one factor that I considered.

Another factor to consider is that a significant number of individuals may not have a positive interpersonal dynamic. I was experiencing a period of low mood. Despite this, I am still the same person, just in a less positive frame of mind. This has led me to perceive interpersonal relationships as fragile, or that most people prefer the spirited and radiant me.

As a result, I have come to perceive the world as cold and believe that a significant proportion of people are snobs.

This is also a factor to be considered.

However, the incident that occurred during my sophomore year has left a residual effect.

For many years, I was able to navigate these challenges without incident. However, I have now reached a point where I am seeking guidance.

I postponed addressing the issue and attempted to conceal it. After my second year of high school, I recognized that maintaining positive relationships with others was crucial for my success. I adapted my approach to align with the prevailing norms and behaviors.

However, I have long held the belief that I am not accepted for who I truly am. I have been interacting with the outside world from a false position.

My ability to interact with the outside world is merely a function of my acting skills.

I aspire to live life to the fullest and interact with the outside world as my true self. It's not that I'm deep in thought; it's just that I'm lazy, and when I'm lazy, I just go with the flow.

That kind of lifestyle left me with little energy to relax. At that time, when I was in college, I made the decision to maintain my current approach to communication with the outside world.

Despite my engagement with the external environment, I did not perceive this as an authentic expression of my true self. At that juncture, my interactions remained superficial.

It appears that this is a residual effect from my second year of high school. I believe that, as I was not a focal point for many individuals, and there was a lack of response in class, I developed the perception that the external environment was indifferent and unaccommodating.

Some individuals regard me with disdain, which I perceive as a clear indication of rejection.

I am unsure if this behavior is a form of courtship, seeking love among my peers. I have long believed that this was a missing link for me. It seems that I am not accepted by my peers.

It is evident that I do not accept my peers, yet I am uncertain as to whether they can accept me. Could it be that humans have a fundamental need for love and belonging?

I am also curious as to whether my apparent disinterest in interacting with my classmates is, in fact, a result of a deeper longing to engage with them. Could it be that my apparent rejection is merely a manifestation of disappointment, and that, at my core, I still desire interaction with my classmates?

I still have a fear of not being noticed, including the first time, and also of attracting attention. On the second occasion, I also want to be noticed.

From an early age, I was not the focal point of attention. However, I have previously been the center of attention.

However, I am aware that I am the type of person who fears not being seen. When my grades decline, I experience a significant sense of fear that I will be overwhelmed by negative emotions. I also feel a desire to seek attention in a way that is perceived as positive.

It is akin to the desperate cry of a drowning person for assistance.

Could this be a result of childhood abandonment? If so, what solutions are available?

The root cause of my social phobia is being ignored. At the time, I attributed this lack of attention to a negative perception of me by others. Over time, I have come to recognize that it is not a matter of dislike, but rather a lack of awareness.

Even now, I still believe that if I am like that, it will be perceived as a lack of acceptance from others. Consequently, I am fearful of offending people and making them unhappy when I speak. I absolutely detest and reject this way of thinking. I am just me, and I do not want to care what others think of me.

However, at this point, I view it as a mere fantasy.

Many individuals have conveyed that I am perceived as inferior and lack self-confidence.

I would like to clarify that self-confidence is not merely about accepting oneself. It also entails seeking external validation. It is, after all, human nature to seek acceptance within a social group.

The matter is a source of considerable distress.

Hello, question asker.

You were in your second year of high school in 2008, and now it's 2022. You've been through two significant experiences in 14 years, and you've managed to persevere. It's clear that you've faced challenges along the way. I'm here to support you in any way I can.

I imagine you must be over 30 years old now, and have probably been working for several years? I empathise with you, and I'm unsure from your description what measures you have taken to overcome these problems at this age.

I saw what you said about learned helplessness, which I think is a very interesting concept. From your written description, it seems like you may have been feeling unwell before 2005, or even earlier.

It's possible that the junior high school entrance exam may have played a role.

Everyone has their own challenges. You were in adolescence, navigating the confusion of that period, and you were preparing for the high school entrance exam, facing the pressure of the exam. But at the same time, I also believe that you are quite resilient, or your abilities are quite admirable. Despite the physical confusion you were experiencing, you were able to survive high school without much difficulty, and you were able to get into college, and you were able to get attention in college, even though at the time you couldn't fully recognize it for yourself.

This is what I think after reading the question, and what I admire about you in the future. In other words, perhaps it would be helpful to remind yourself that you have many strengths. It seems that you may be experiencing some social anxiety and find it challenging to speak to acquaintances.

Perhaps you could benefit from a reality check. It's possible that you're setting the bar a little too high for yourself, just like when you were a sophomore in high school and wanted more people to pay attention to you.

I also believe that if you say you are afraid to speak to acquaintances when you see them, it suggests that you are capable of handling unfamiliar situations. Otherwise, how could you have lasted until today?

I also believe that the most challenging period in your life may have come to an end. Reflect on the immense pressure you faced during your high school years.

How many candidates fail the college entrance exam? We should be pretty good at this, right? That is to say, we don't talk to anyone and we don't talk to anyone, but we still study hard. If we can go to college, we can get a job and earn money.

I believe it would be beneficial for you to give yourself a big hug right now! Despite the challenges you're facing, you have the strength and resilience to live your life independently, which is truly admirable. I admire your courage and resilience.

I understand that nobody wants to feel like a celebrity, attracting the attention of thousands of people. So, how can you make money and move towards that goal?

Perhaps you don't have to be so demanding of that one requirement. It seems like you just want to be able to interact normally with people, talk to acquaintances, and get through this.

Perhaps we could try that and see how it goes? For instance, there's your neighbor who works in the deli in the third year of high school. I'm not sure of the specifics, so I don't know how to advise you. It might be helpful to find a counselor you like and whose reviews are good, and see if they can help you work through this.

I believe that if you can start with this one thing and it has an effect, you will gradually see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I think we've covered enough for now. I believe that, as long as you are determined to change, there are always more possibilities than difficulties. With your own abilities, you will definitely find a way that suits you!

I hope that you will soon be able to step out of your little circle of thoughts and into the big, sunny world, where you can enjoy the beauty of human relationships.

I just wanted to take a moment to remind you that the world and I love you!

Hi there,

Host:

She carefully read the post and noticed that the poster had mentioned her social phobia and fear of being rejected by others. At the same time, the poster had also faced her inner self and actively sought help on the platform, which would undoubtedly help the poster better understand and recognize herself, and thus adjust her mentality.

Next, I'll share my observations and thoughts in the post, which might help the original poster gain a more diverse perspective.

1. Story

In the post, the poster said they still wanted to feel like they existed and get the attention of others. But not many people took the initiative to greet me that day.

The result was that she felt unwelcome, which made me think that I wasn't accepted as I was. First of all, I understand your emotions and feelings. This was a very shocking thing for you at the time, wasn't it?

Also, after reading your story, I was reminded of the story of Qingyin, a teacher. Qingyin was in a hurry to get to work one time and put on the wrong shoes. She didn't realize they were different colors until she was halfway there.

She was in a hurry, so she went to work with a straight face, expecting to be teased a lot, so she was careful, afraid that someone would find out.

But she realized that her colleagues were all too busy with their own things to notice anything unusual about her. It wasn't until the end of the day that no one noticed.

So she couldn't help but laugh. Her colleagues looked at her strangely, wondering why she was laughing.

She pointed at her shoes, and her colleagues laughed. I'm sharing this story in the hope that it'll give you a bit of inspiration.

Often, it's not really our problem that others won't greet or pay attention to us. Everyone has their own things to do, and they're more focused on themselves.

We can also try to see things from other people's perspectives. When we can't focus on ourselves, it can be tough to have the energy to focus on other people. After all, we are more important, aren't we?

2. Be okay with not being perfect.

In the post, I saw what you mentioned in the first paragraph. You thought you answered the question in a funny way, but it turned out that no one paid attention. At the time, I saw it as indifference, rejection, even contempt, and a feeling of unfriendliness.

After reading all this, I totally get your emotional reaction and your interpretation. But is our interpretation really the whole truth?

Host: Do you think you're trying too hard to be perfect here? Do you think your own performance should get a certain response?

And when others don't respond to you in the same way, you think it's your own problem. Have you ever stopped to think about your own efforts?

No matter what the outcome, did you answer the question in class with courage? Many people are unable to do this.

It's not realistic to expect everyone to like and be satisfied with you. Being able to make everyone like you is an ideal state, or "godlike."

We're only human, so we have to accept that we're not perfect.

Even if no one notices what you do, who cares? I did it anyway, so what if it wasn't perfect?

It's always better to take action than to do nothing.

3. Accept who you really are.

As you mentioned in your post, I can see how those two things might have contributed to your social phobia. It's understandable that you felt like you couldn't be your true self in relationships. I can relate to that fear.

I'd also like to ask you to think back. After this, you weren't being your true self. How do you think that affected your relationships?

Often, we think other people don't like us because we don't like ourselves. We project this into relationships, thinking other people don't like us either.

This is a game of psychological projection, so for you, the original poster,

You need to be true to yourself, accept yourself for who you are, and accept the good and bad parts of yourself. It's okay to be bad at some things, but believe that you are valuable and can create value. When we accept ourselves, we become more confident and attractive to others, who like us more.

And when it comes to relationships, it's often the real us that's more attractive. So, what is the real self?

It's the self that has both strengths and weaknesses.

I hope this has been helpful and inspiring for you. I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. If you have any questions, you can also click to find a coach for one-on-one communication, companionship, and growth.

Hello, question asker!

I've read your entire question and I'm excited to dive in and analyze your problem from the root!

Adolescence is an amazing time of growth and change! During this period, people's minds become more sensitive and emotions more abundant, which allows them to experience rich associations and thinking.

Interpersonal relationships in middle school are more like a miniature society, where the psychology of adolescence is tempered and grown in the midst of it. It's a great time to be learning how to shape your own personality and handle interpersonal relationships!

The good news is that there's a simple solution to this problem: you just need to establish a positive self-identity!

It all started in junior high school and repeated in high school. I don't know if the questioner has noticed, but every time this kind of interpersonal deterioration occurs, your grades seem to be bad.

You're going through a critical stage of adolescence that will shape your self-identity! It's normal to experience temporary pressure or a poor performance, which can cause you to doubt yourself and lower your sense of identity.

At this time, you need external encouragement and stimulation to reinvigorate your self-identity. This is your chance to show the world who you really are! You might be concerned about what others think, but you can conquer that fear and use it to your advantage.

Therefore, your classmates, teachers, and even your deskmate all become the objects of your suspicion. If your nervousness and inferiority complex are perceived by others, it may cause others to really alienate you—but it also gives you the chance to prove them wrong!

High school is an amazing time for your brain to be firing on all cylinders! Your memory is like a superpower, storing all those thoughts and ideas you've been thinking about.

Even today, whenever you worry about emotional feedback from the outside world, you can remember that you were actually pursuing external counterprojection rather than self-satisfaction from the very beginning. This means that you can now change your path and start anew!

In other words, the questioner's repeated anxiety about interpersonal relationships is fundamentally due to a lack of self-confidence and a lack of self-acceptance and recognition.

From the way the questioner expresses himself, it seems that the questioner subconsciously rejects and resists inferiority and maintains a stable image of his personality. However, the lack of self-identification can still be easily crushed by negative feedback from the outside world. The good news is that this can be easily fixed!

I highly recommend that you set small, achievable life goals to experience the incredible satisfaction and sense of fulfillment that comes with self-realization, one step at a time. This is an excellent way to rebuild your self-confidence. And when you've solved your internal problems, you'll find that your doubts about external relationships will also disappear!

I wish you all the happiness in the world!

Everyone has the power to be a beacon, whether they're asking questions or answering them. They can use words to shine a light in the hearts of many people, and this is a power that we all have.

Hi, I'm Fei Yun, a heart exploration coach. I get it. You didn't get the response you wanted, which has led to self-doubt and self-negation. You want to be seen, affirmed, recognized, and accepted, but your needs haven't been met, and you're feeling frustrated and lost.

Let's give you a warm hug and take a look at the problem you're having.

? 1. Insights from "The Blind Men and the Elephant"

We heard this story when we were young: several blind men felt an elephant. Some felt the tail and thought it looked like a long rope; some felt the back and thought it looked like a city wall; some felt the leg and thought it looked like a pillar.

What does this mean? We all tend to judge people and events based on our own values and feelings.

Our values influence our judgments, and our judgments shape our beliefs.

"No failure, only feedback." Your take on these two "typical incidents" was that your humor didn't attract attention and no one took the initiative to greet you. You perceived and believed that others were "cold, rejecting, contemptuous, and unfriendly" towards you.

Could it be that the other person is waiting for you to greet them first, just like you are, and that they are responding to your sense of humor with an "internal understanding and a shallow knowing smile"?

So, there's not just one "truth." Look at things from different angles, understand the other person's feelings and point of view, think about what they're thinking, separate a person's actions from their identity, and don't label this "person."

2. Self-confidence is built on self-acceptance.

Your social phobia is probably caused by a lack of self-awareness and low self-confidence. The fact that you can take the initiative to communicate with others in your own way shows that you have a good sense of initiative.

Interpersonal skills are something you can learn and improve.

Now, let's look at what it takes to build self-confidence: a sense of self-worth. When a person has a high sense of self-worth, they show a desire for self-improvement and a natural tendency to strive for the good.

He's confident about the future and believes in himself.

"Self-worth" is the foundation of a person's mental health. Self-worth is a person's own opinion of their worth.

This subjective evaluation starts in early childhood and is usually built up slowly through the child's parents and other significant adults in their lives affirming, accepting, recognizing, praising, commending, and encouraging them.

Lack of self-worth is something that can be healed. You can achieve self-healing by constantly giving yourself positive feedback, affirming and accepting yourself, and understanding and accepting yourself. You can also achieve this through professional psychological counseling.

The reason you care so much about what others think of you is because your sense of worth and self-confidence are based on external affirmation and recognition.

It's true that praise and recognition from others can make us feel better about ourselves, but when those external supports are gone, we'll probably feel disappointed and lost again.

You can find out more about how a sense of worth affects our physical and mental health, learning, work, and life in my article, "It turns out that the root cause of psychological problems is this," on my personal homepage.

I hope to give you a new perspective, more choices, and the world and I love you.

If you want to keep in touch, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'll keep in touch and we can work together one-on-one.

From the way the message is expressed, it seems that the sensitivity and social anxiety in interpersonal relationships may make the questioner unsure of how to face interactions with others. It appears that the events you experienced in the past may have left you with a lot of uncertainty in your interactions with others.

"Believing that others will not accept such a self and that one cannot be true to oneself in relationships" can make us cautious and cause us to falter in our interpersonal relationships, making it difficult to experience ease and comfort. I hope that the following sharing can provide some support to the topic owner to a certain extent and provide more ideas for dealing with this difficult problem.

1. It may be helpful to consider that distress is not necessarily caused by our own shortcomings, but rather by our experiences.

The questioner offers a concise summary of his distress as "a fear of not being accepted by peers, social phobia." These label-like words have the advantage of enabling us to quickly identify the so-called "symptoms" and understand what is happening. However, they may also have the disadvantage of obscuring our own uniqueness.

Past experiences The author elaborates on this in the text that follows, and it could be said that the anxiety, sadness, and fear that seep through the lines exacerbate the "fear of expressing oneself, fear of not being accepted by peers, social anxiety" mentioned at the beginning of the text.

Perhaps we could consider digging into ourselves in the story, rather than turning it into an example of these highly concentrated labeled texts. This might help us to see these troubled perspectives in a new light.

Perhaps it could be said that our experiences do not necessarily determine our perspectives, but rather, our interpretations of those experiences.

2. It could be said that what determines us may not be what we have experienced, but how we interpret our experiences.

Similarly, even if the experience is expanded, it's worth noting that the perspective of different people narrating the same perspective is different. It's also important to consider that the way the same person looks at the same story at different stages of development or at different levels of mind will also be different. It's like looking at a kaleidoscope. While the contents of the kaleidoscope remain the same, different people playing with the kaleidoscope will see a very different world.

Perhaps we could consider the incident in the question as an example. In the version of the story as told by the questioner, it goes something like this:

I recall an instance where I attempted to respond to a question in a lighthearted manner, but it unfortunately did not garner the desired attention. At the time, I perceived it as a lack of interest, rejection, or even contempt, which led me to feel somewhat unwelcome.

As a result, I have been hesitant to answer questions or express myself in class, and I feel that I have lost some of my former confidence.

It is possible that another person, B, encountering the same event might have a different perspective. This is just one of many perspectives, and it is provided for the questioner's reference.

I had thought that answering questions in a humorous way might be a way to get noticed, but it didn't work out that way. This incident did, however, succeed in getting my attention.

In this incident, I came to understand that I would like to "use humor to attract attention." I believe this humor is somewhat distinct from the conventional understanding of humor, as some people may use their grades, family circumstances, or appearance to garner attention, while others may employ mischievous behavior to disrupt classroom discipline.

I selected "humor," which makes me somewhat distinctive.

3. It may be helpful to consider using the present to reshape past memories.

It can be challenging to move forward when we're stuck in the past.

I believe that what happened in 2008 has had an impact to this day, which shows that the past has really bound the questioner in a very profound way.

It is possible that if one repeats the impact of past memories on reality for 14 years of one's life, one may become more and more trapped by the past.

I believe that taking a realistic approach, making minor adjustments each time, and focusing on positive feedback could potentially make a difference in how we approach this challenging problem.

It is my sincere hope that the above sharing will be an inspiration to you.

I am a psychologist who focuses on the human heart rather than exploring human nature. I wish you well.

Due to the limitations of the character count, I was unable to articulate my full thoughts and experiences. Additionally, I did not provide a comprehensive account of the situation.

In my second year of high school, I was able to garner attention on numerous occasions when responding to questions. However, I am uncertain as to why that particular instance has become a source of negative connotation.

In regard to my perceptions of my classmates, I have included this information here because I am uncertain as to whether my initial conclusion was influenced by my attitude towards the external world.

In retrospect, I postulate that in 2006, I held my classmates in higher regard than was warranted. This was a psychological regression, with interpersonal distances being too close. I had unrealistically high expectations of the outside world and held interpersonal relationships in undue high regard.

Consequently, I encountered a few individuals who exhibited unfriendliness. I am uncertain as to why I reached this conclusion, particularly given that I considered all my classmates to be unfriendly.

It appears that the quality of student relationships is generally poor. Consequently, I have chosen to reject the concept of student relationships and perceive them as inherently unreliable.

To some extent, there is a sense of resentment at being treated as though one is a classmate, which is not the case. This results in the rejection of relationships with classmates.

It is unclear whether the lack of response to my answer was indicative of indifference, contempt, or even a form of rejection. This may have been a consequence of my preexisting disinterest in engaging with the external world.

The reason for including this additional paragraph is to provide further context. It can be hypothesised that the external environment is unfriendly towards the subject, however, it is also possible that this perception is a result of the subject's own unfriendliness towards the external environment.

I did not experience difficulties in my interpersonal relationships until the third year of junior high school. However, following a decline in my academic performance during this period, I encountered challenges in my interpersonal relationships.

A negative correlation existed between declining grades and feelings of self-worth, which in turn precipitated interpersonal conflict. These disagreements were often trivial in nature but nevertheless resulted in the deterioration of relationships.

In the majority of cases, the underlying cause was a lack of consideration for others and a tendency to prioritize one's own needs and desires. This may have led to the perception that there were a significant number of individuals with whom it was challenging to establish a positive rapport.

At that time, I likely developed the perception that I was unwelcome and disliked by many individuals. I was deficient in my ability to form and maintain interpersonal relationships, and I possessed an exceedingly negative self-image.

Why did I survive for so many years without incident, only to seek counseling now?

As a result of my tendency to defer and conceal this issue, I reached the conclusion that, in the absence of direct engagement with others, I would remain unchallenged. Consequently, my actions were largely perfunctory.

Nevertheless, I was acutely aware that my authentic self was not acknowledged. I was merely presenting a facade to the external world.

The external world merely accepted my performance.

However, I aspired to lead a life of fulfillment and yearned to engage with the external world from a genuine, authentic self. During my tenure at the university, I resolved to refrain from communicating with the outside world.

Therefore, despite engaging with the external world, I did not perceive this as my authentic self interacting with the external world. At that time, it remained a mere superficial interaction.

It can be reasonably deduced that this is a residual effect from my second year of high school. Given that few individuals were attuned to this iteration of myself and that I received no feedback in class, I came to perceive the external world as indifferent and inaccessible.

Many individuals observe me, and some avert their gaze, which I perceive as an overt indication of rejection.

It is currently unclear whether this behaviour represents a form of courtship, specifically a courtship of love among peers. I have long believed that this represents a missing link in my development. It is as though I am not accepted by my peers.

It is evident that individuals can be contradictory in their actions and beliefs. While I do not accept my peers, I am curious as to whether they are capable of accepting me. Could it be that humans have an inherent need for love and belonging?

I also question whether my desire to socialize with my classmates was ultimately stronger than the rejection I experienced, leading me to believe that I still wanted to interact with them.

I still experience a fear of not being noticed, including on the initial occasion, which is also a means of attracting attention. The second time, it is also to be noticed.

I was not the type of individual who was the focal point of attention from an early age. However, I also belonged to the group of people who were the focal point of attention in the past.

Nevertheless, I evidently fall into the category of individuals who are apprehensive about being overlooked. During periods of academic decline, I experienced a profound apprehension about being engulfed by a sense of despair, prompting me to seek attention in a manner that could be perceived as ostentatious.

It is analogous to the fear experienced by a drowning person who calls for assistance.

The root cause of my social phobia is perceived neglect. During that period, I attributed this lack of attention to a personal deficiency, namely that others did not like me. With the passage of time, however, I have come to recognize that this apparent disregard is not necessarily a reflection of personal unworthiness.

I still hold this belief about myself, as though I am not accepted by others. Consequently, I am fearful of offending people and causing them distress when I speak. This is something I strongly dislike and reject. I am who I am, and I am indifferent to what others think of me.

However, at this juncture, it is akin to a mere fantasy.

A significant proportion of the population has been observed to hold the view that I am inferior and lack self-confidence.

However, it can be argued that self-confidence is not solely about accepting oneself, but also about seeking external validation. It could be proposed that human beings are still compelled to live within a social context and consider whether they are accepted by their group.

Reflection on this topic has the potential to induce a headache.

It's clear from your words that you're feeling pretty distressed. You're at a stage where you want to express yourself and be recognized. Because of the two "setbacks" you experienced, you're afraid of human relationships and don't really want to be a social person. First, I'll give you a hug through the screen, and then I'll say to you, "You've worked hard."

So, what happens next? I sense that, despite your inner confusion, you still crave a genuine connection with others. We all need to feel affirmed, needed, and valuable, and we find meaning in that. You can try facing your inner thoughts head-on and accepting this contradictory self.

I like the idea of just going for it, without worrying about the outcome. If it doesn't work out, I'll just accept the result. When we go into the world with an open heart, we may receive some bad feedback, but that's okay. At least tell yourself that you're great for expressing yourself courageously.

We shouldn't ignore the beauty in the world just because of a few bad examples. Open your heart and relax. We can take things slowly, try again and again, and we may hit a wall, but we may also have unexpected surprises.

You're living your life with courage and dedication, and you're really shining. Keep up the great work!

Hello! I give you a 360-degree hug!

You've described your problem in great detail, and I'm excited to dive in and help! From your description, I can see that there are many words that I think to myself, "I have a problem," or "it is still a sequela from the beginning."

Reading the whole article, it is clear that interpersonal relationships have really troubled you for a long time. Have you ever thought that many of these fears, shame, and feelings of not being accepted are actually constructs of your own? That's right! Something happened, such as another classmate asking him to play with him but not you, and then your mind will construct a big drama.

I remember a joke that really made me laugh: It's time to go to bed at night, and a young couple, both unhappy, are thinking: The girl is thinking, "Today he didn't even say he loved me when he came home. Does he not love me anymore? Last week when I said I wanted to go out, he ignored me. Anyway, I've filled my head with a lot of thoughts about how the other person has hurt me, and the more I think about it, the sadder I get."

Meanwhile, the male counterpart is thinking, "Wow, China's football team gave it their all today, even if they didn't come out on top against Vietnam."

You see, girls' unhappiness is completely constructed—and it can be undone!

The ABC theory of emotions is an amazing concept that challenges us to think differently about how our emotions and behaviors are shaped. It suggests that it's not the triggering event itself, or what we call "A," that affects our emotions and behaviors, but rather our perceptions, beliefs, and thoughts about that event, or "B."

It's amazing how our perceptions can shape our reality! Take, for instance, a glass of water on a table. Some people might see it as half empty, while others see it as half full. The same thing, perceived differently by different people, can lead to different emotional and behavioral reactions. It's all about perspective!

You have created your own misfortune and labeled yourself negatively, allowing these labels to follow you forever, even though you have distanced yourself from the people, events, and circumstances of the time.

Social phobia has become your comfort zone. It's been a challenge, but you've become familiar with the internal attributions you make to yourself. You know exactly how things will develop, what will happen to you, and how you will react. For so many years, this label of social phobia has protected you, but at the same time it has made you very uncomfortable.

I highly recommend you talk to a counselor!

I am a counselor who is often Buddhist and sometimes pessimistic, but I also love to be positive and motivated! The world is a wonderful place, and I love you all!

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to address a question you posed. Best regards,

From your description, I can discern a sense of longing and disappointment.

You are driven to seek recognition and attention from others. When these needs are not met, you experience doubt and self-criticism.

You demonstrate a high level of self-awareness and critical thinking, which I find commendable. I can also appreciate the depth of your self-analysis.

It appears to be a reasonable assumption. However, you consistently perceive a lack of recognition or disregard from others, which contributes to your feelings of insecurity and social anxiety.

It is human nature to desire recognition, love, and respect from others. However, it is also essential to have self-confidence, self-love, and an accurate self-assessment.

If you are overly concerned with the opinions of others, fail to accept yourself, and engage in self-devaluation, it is essential to adjust your mindset and regain a positive outlook. It is evident that you have recognized this need and are seeking guidance.

Let me assist you in clarifying the situation based on your description.

Prior to the ninth grade, your interpersonal relationships were very good. However, following a disappointing examination result, you began to experience difficulties in your professional relationships. You also stated that your interpersonal relationships were positive when your academic performance was strong, but when your grades declined, your relationships became strained. This has led to significant concerns. Additionally, you have experienced a range of internal challenges.

It may be worth considering whether these are your own thoughts and views, or whether they have been influenced by external factors.

At this juncture, you have formed an erroneous perception: your interpersonal relationships are contingent on your academic performance.

You have indicated that you believe the external environment is unfriendly and that this may be a reflection of your own unfriendliness towards it.

In addition, I would like to inquire about your attitude toward the outside world.

Projective identification

It is important to note that each of our perceptions of others is a projection of our own thoughts. There is a discrepancy between how you perceive others and how they perceive you. It is likely that you are dissatisfied with yourself and your own self-perception, which may be influencing your interactions with others.

You apply this kind of self-assessment to other individuals, operating under the assumption that their assessments of you are identical.

It is evident that your issue stems from a significant degree of projection. You tend to apply many of your self-perceptions to others, leading you to believe that others' attitudes are directed at you.

Please adjust your state, alter your perception, and re-evaluate yourself.

ABC Rational Emotion Therapy

This approach is particularly well-suited to your needs. When the same thing, A, is perceived differently, B, the result is a different outcome, C.

If you are currently preoccupied with the opinions of others or feel that they do not accept you, you can start by focusing on your own needs. You can remind yourself that your feelings are important and that your response was appropriate. If others do not approve, it is not because they do not understand you, but because they have their own issues. You do not need to worry about what others think.

Furthermore, I accept myself fully, recognizing my many strengths. If others do not accept me, that is their prerogative. Or perhaps they are not as valuable as they believe; excellence is always recognized. As long as you are competent, someone will appreciate you one day.

As the only person waiting for someone to greet and pay attention to you, you have the opportunity to take the initiative and greet and connect with others.

It is often the case that people are waiting for someone to pay attention to them, and are reluctant to take the initiative. What do you think the outcome will be?

My advice is to proceed with confidence and focus on the process rather than the outcome.

? Do more and think less, just be yourself. We are often our own directors and actors, singing a one-man show. It's exhausting!

"Baby, be yourself and take the initiative. We often have an inflated opinion of ourselves and our abilities. It depends on how you interact with him. If you are genuine, he will be on your side. If you are insincere, he will be against you, which means you are only making things difficult for yourself and causing yourself unnecessary stress."

There is no substitute for a strong sense of self-awareness and self-confidence in business. Your relationships with others are inextricably linked to your ability to manage your own emotions and interactions.

When you have a positive self-image, it is easier to interact positively with others.

I hope you find my response to be somewhat inspiring.

Best regards, The world and I extend our best wishes to you.