I deeply love her, and it's heart-wrenching. Can't I have both a lover and a child?

Since you haven't talked about having kids, it's a shame. You love each other a lot, but you're still making internal choices. You love her, but you feel stuck.

It seems like you're stuck between having one child with your spouse or having more with your girlfriend. You want your kids to follow you, but your girlfriend isn't on board, or only allows one. Your financial situation isn't ideal, and there's still a lot of pressure.

These days, there's a cost to sending kids to school or to activities. If you're in a good financial position, it's not an issue. Your challenge is still economic. It's best not to be too optimistic when it comes to money.

You've been together for over a year and things are going well. You've already made a big impact on each other's lives. If you split up now because of money issues, you might regret it later and wonder why you couldn't make a choice.

Since kids are a big part of this, you can also see how they grow up and see if they want to follow you or someone else. Don't limit your thinking. Even if you choose only one, the other is still your kid. It's really up to you to decide if you want to be rich now or give up a child. It depends on what you think is best. I suggest you seek psychological counseling. Good luck!

ZQ?

Hello, thank you for asking us questions.

It's not easy to see that you've been through marriage and relationships and are together again. You were lovers before and have been apart for over ten years. Forming a new family won't be easy.

Your first love was different.

You love your children and your girlfriend, but you need to think about your future together. You need to decide what kind of life you want to create together. You may also need to think about what you can learn from your past marriages.

Your feelings are still there, but times have changed. The present and future will be different. If you and your partner are together, you will need to face and solve both the current difficulties and the difficulties in your future life together.

Good love is understanding and accepting.

I wish you well.

Hello friend, After reading your story, I can sense the strong conflict, pain, and helplessness in your heart. You want to start a happy little family with your first girlfriend, but you can't bear to give up your two children. Your girlfriend can only accept that you have one child, and she is angry about this. She's even asking you to make a difficult choice.

I understand your situation. You're torn between conflicting emotions and at a loss as to what to do.

I want to analyze the emotional situation between you and your girlfriend. It's clear you love her. She's been through two marriages, which makes you feel even more compassion and pity for her.

She wants to be with you, and she wants another child with you, despite the fact that you both have children of your own. There's no doubt about it: your relationship is very deep and sincere.

You must understand that your relationship is no longer as pure as it once was. It is now mixed with very practical factors: children. You both have children of your own. After remarrying, you will also face the problem of getting along with each other's children.

It's clear that she doesn't want you to have two children, but you do. There's more to it than that, though.

If you remarry, there will undoubtedly be endless problems regarding the children.

From the current situation, it's clear that her reluctance to let you take care of the two children is financial. The best result you can achieve is for your mother to raise your two daughters. However, this approach also has the following problems:

First, your mother gave you two daughters. You are the father and therefore you must pay for the support of the two children. Does your girlfriend agree to let the grandmother take care of the two children, while you, as the father, bear the cost of raising the two children?

You must consider this question for yourself before you marry. It is not enough for the children to be looked after.

You and your parents must decide who will raise the two children. You should also tell your girlfriend what you decide. If your parents can help you pay for the children or if you can afford to raise your daughters yourself, you can also provide a secure future for your girlfriend.

This will not pose a major threat to your marriage.

Second, you must be able to accept the situation with generosity. Your girlfriend's child will be raised by you and her, and your parents must accept that you live with another woman's child and cannot often take care of your own children.

You must also consider whether you can face the psychological problems of your two soon-to-be-grown-up children. Ask yourself: can you make such a great sacrifice for love?

You must reassure the parents and biological children. Don't let love blind you to your true feelings.

Think carefully about these questions and you will be able to decide for yourself what to do or how to balance love and children. Finally, I wish you all the best and happiness!

Hello, question asker!

From what you've told me, I can see you're feeling a bit confused and unsure. Let's take a look at it together and see what we can figure out.

First love is truly wonderful! It's a time when you're young and free from the burdens and troubles of daily life.

It's so sad! The landlord wants to get back together with his first love, but they both have to give up their current families. So you are both rushing into this with a very heavy burden.

It's totally understandable that if you have a conflict later on, you might say, "I gave up my family for you." It's something to think about, though. Can the poster accept this image? It's already in your subconscious, so it might be worth exploring.

The original poster said that his girlfriend had had two unfortunate marriages. You feel very sorry for her. In the first marriage, her husband betrayed her. In the second marriage, her husband neglected the family and didn't even call to wish his child a happy first birthday. There was also domestic violence. She wanted a divorce even before you two met.

===》As adults, we all know that it takes two to tango. And your girlfriend is the reason for this twice. I'm just wondering, is that really the case? Maybe the original poster should find out more?

After all, you will be his third. It's okay to say you're his third wife, even if it's not what you imagined.

The questioner said that he has been married to his current wife for ten years and has two children. He filed for divorce in November last year, but the court hasn't ruled yet.

So the questioner has two children and a 10-year marriage that is relatively stable. I don't see anything wrong with your wife, so I'm a little confused about why the questioner wants a divorce from his current wife.

I'm sure you're wondering whether it's the wife's fault or if you just don't love each other anymore.

Or is it because the first love has appeared and you feel sympathy for her? It's so important to think it through for yourself, my friend.

My girlfriend and I got divorced this year, and she got one of the children. We were together for more than a year and got along very well. We could be said to be very much in love! But recently, because I can't bear to give up my child and want two children, and my girlfriend disagrees, it's been a bit of a challenge. If I want one, or else three children, if there are more, it will be four. There's simply no room for discussion, which can be a bit overwhelming.

My mom got a little upset and said she wanted two granddaughters. She said she'd help us raise the kids. She was pretty clear that our current financial situation wasn't great, so she told me to choose. She even said, a little angrily, that I should go back to my ex-wife.

Therefore, your problems have already begun to appear before you got married. The problem you will face is not actually whether you have two children or three children, but whether your children are considered "mine" or "yours." There are also a lot of practical problems that cannot be solved by "love." The host should think carefully.

Summary: Your marriage is a big step! It's so important to make sure you're ready for it. Your marriage will face challenges that your previous family didn't, so it's good to be prepared.

It's so important to remember that marriage is a lifelong commitment. While love is a wonderful thing, it's not the only thing that keeps a marriage strong. Mutual understanding, tolerance, good communication, companionship, and growing together are also essential.

It's so important for the landlord to make a choice now. You can make a list of all the circumstances and finally make a choice, but it will be very difficult because the other person has already divorced and you have not. You've just got to face it bravely, my friend.

Greetings! Allow me to extend a gesture of affection from a distance.

The emotional state of conflict, confusion, and helplessness is palpable in this moment, accompanied by a longing for understanding and support.

From the information provided, it is evident that the dissolution of your marriage has not yet been legally formalized. Consequently, it is both inappropriate and unlawful for you to engage in any form of relationship with your former partner, including the discussion of childbearing plans. Should your wife become aware of these actions, she may pursue legal recourse, which could have a detrimental impact on the dissolution of your marriage. Have you considered this possibility?

In the event that a couple has already completed the legal procedures for divorce, it would be prudent for them to consider whether to have more children. The question of how many children is an important one. However, if the couple is not yet divorced, discussing the possibility of having children is not permitted by law.

Secondly, it is important to ascertain whether your desire to reconcile with your girlfriend is driven primarily by a sense of sympathy and compassion for her situation, or whether the fundamental reason for your decision to divorce your wife is a lack of emotional connection and indifference towards her. Based on your description, there seems to be no evident emotional discord or irreconcilable conflicts within your marriage with your wife.

It is important to consider that both you and your girlfriend have had their own lives and experiences over the past ten years, and that your relationship may not reflect your previous selves. The recent sense of harmony may be attributed to the continued dwelling on your shared fantasies of each other. However, it is essential to question whether this will persist in the long term. This is a crucial aspect to reflect upon, as it has implications for your future happiness, that of your partner, and your family.

Moreover, if a couple has two children, they have an equal opportunity to participate in the child's upbringing, provided that the woman does not voluntarily give up custody. In other words, one parent may have one child, unless the mother voluntarily gives up custody. In such a case, it may be possible to obtain custody of both children together. However, it is important to note that this is not a guaranteed outcome. The court will ultimately decide on the divorce, and it is only at this stage that the matter can be definitively resolved. In cases where a couple feels that they cannot continue their marriage and must divorce, it is possible to discuss and decide on the custody of the children. However, it is essential to ensure that the interests of the children are maximized after the divorce. This implies that the custody conditions must be tailored to suit the children's best interests.

One must consider which of one's current concerns is of greatest importance and which can be addressed first. It is important to accept limitations and face them head on. It is possible to maintain both a child and a romantic partner, but only through legal means. What is one's response to this situation?

I am Lily, the youngest contributor to the Q&A Museum. I extend my gratitude to the world and to you, my readers, for your interest in my work.

Hello, my name is Strawberry!

From what you've told us and your situation, it's clear that everyone has the right to pursue their own happiness. After you and your ex-wife parted ways, you and your first girlfriend got back together. I think at the time, you were apart because you hadn't yet found true love. Over time, you've both matured and developed a more mature outlook. You've chosen to stay together because you've discovered that you're each other's true love.

Having experienced a failed marriage, you'll have a better understanding of how to find a lifestyle that works for you both. You'll also have a clearer idea of what you want. The questioner is reluctant to give up the children, so he's discussed with his girlfriend the idea of bringing the children with them. His girlfriend's plan is for her to take one and you to take one, and then you'll have another child of your own.

It seems like your girlfriend knows exactly what she wants. She even feels that you should support her actions. If she is worried about too much pressure, you could always stop having children. After all is said and done, she wants to have your own child. It seems like she might lack a sense of security, so having another child that belongs to the two of you could really help her feel more secure.

1. It's so important to communicate with both sides!

It's great that the questioner loves his children and wants them to be around him more. However, there might be a few challenges along the way. For example, because they're not his biological children, the girlfriend may face some hurdles in parenting. Being too strict might make the children unhappy, while being too relaxed might lead to them feeling like they're not being treated as his own. It might be helpful for the questioner to explain to the girlfriend that, because of the children's issues, it's important to have some contact with the ex-wife. Then, it's up to the girlfriend to decide what's best for her and the children.

It's been ten years since you've lived with your ex-wife, and you still have feelings for the children. You want to take them both with you, but do you think she'll agree? Children are the life of their parents. You love your children, and she loves them too. Don't make her lose them again after losing you. That would be too cruel for her.

So here's what I think: the questioner should respect the ex-wife and children, ask them what they think, and if it happens that the ex-wife agrees and the children are willing, then the problem may be solved a little better.

2. Be aware of your true thoughts, my friend.

It seems like the questioner wants to take the children back to live with him. His girlfriend only agrees to let you take one, and the questioner's parents want to take both back with them. They can help you with the children! If the children are really brought back, will the questioner insist on taking them with him or will his parents take them?

I know this might seem like a compromise for your girlfriend, but I think it's important to remember that if the child is raised by the parents, it's not fair to anyone. From your girlfriend's perspective, your parents raising the child is basically the same as you raising it, because it's still your money being spent.

From the child's perspective, he's lucky to have lots of love from his grandparents, too! What he might be missing is the love of both parents. It's so important to know what you really think, because the way you handle things determines whether it will hurt the children.

3. Try looking at the problem with a different mindset.

From what I can see, your girlfriend is a very sensible woman. She knows what you're up against and isn't asking you to give up on having a child.

She's planning to take one and you're planning to take one, and in the future you'll have another child. It's a great plan! It's also a wonderful show of love. She loves the questioner so much that she's willing to be your child's mother.

I think one child per person is probably best, but as long as the kids get lots of love and security, they'll be just fine!

Her arrangement is totally fine! You two are living together, so it's really important that your relationship isn't affected by other things.

I really hope my answer helps the questioner. All the best!

Firstly, it is important to note that should you choose to marry your first girlfriend, it will inevitably result in the beginning of her third unhappy marriage. Furthermore, it is unlikely that you will reach old age together.

The distinction between marriage and love is crucial to understand. Love, in its essence, is a biological phenomenon, dependent on hormones. Marriage, on the other hand, is a social construct, shaped by personalities, temperaments, and dispositions.

The fact that your first girlfriend was unsuccessful in both marriages is not solely attributable to her having entered into an unsuitable relationship. It is a fallacy to assume that the failure of a marriage is the result of the actions of a single individual. The fact that she was able to rekindle your relationship during the marriage does not indicate that your love was exceptional or sacrosanct. Rather, it suggests that she, in her role as a wife and mother, demonstrated a lack of responsibility and loyalty.

The notion of reuniting with one's children to live a contented life after a separation due to differences in romantic attachment is, at best, an idealistic fantasy.

When she entered into matrimony with those two men, they were both in love. When you entered into matrimony with your current wife, you did so willingly.

Each of you is weary of being in each other's marriage and is seeking a sense of novelty. It is a fallacy to believe that the excuse of old love can be used as a rationale for pursuing a relationship with one's former partner. Even the original couple can become tired of each other, each bringing along their own emotional baggage to form a complex family dynamic. The severe test will soon prove the fragility of your so-called love.

For the sake of the child, it is imperative that you refrain from any actions that could be perceived as malevolent. She left her husband (she desired to depart from the marriage even before you entered her life, so her decision was not influenced by you), therefore it would be prudent for you to return to your first wife and resume your marital vows. Otherwise, if you were to abandon your own flesh and blood and then have another innocent child with her and divorce again, the situation would become even more chaotic, and more people would be hurt.

It would be prudent to recall the story of the man who attempted to retrieve his sword from a tree by carving a path through the wood. It would be unwise to take such an action.