I desire a sense of belonging, yet I always feel like I don't fit in anywhere. What should I do?

Hello, Gray Wolf 0504.

I heard you loud and clear. You want a sense of belonging, but there is no one else in your blueprint for the future. You want to establish a sense of belonging within yourself, to make yourself a safe haven, and you want to know how to achieve it. Let's explore together.

What is the sense of belonging you seek?

You want to find someone with whom you share the same interests and pursue a "soulmate." You want a sense of belonging. You want to establish a relationship and emotional connection with others.

However, your past experiences have made you highly sensitive to rejection. You feel hurt when a friend cancels a meeting at the last minute, when your boyfriend doesn't agree to buy a piano, etc. You are angry, aggrieved, and hurt. That's why you prefer to be alone, and you feel safe as long as you have your cat to keep you company.

You can't act because

Your emotional stress is the result of not being able to love in a relationship. This has led you to settle for the next best thing and satisfy your need for safety first. As a result, you have lost the drive to pursue a sense of belonging by connecting with others.

Your lack of a sense of belonging is caused by your fear of being hurt and your lack of adequate security.

Love is a higher need than safety.

The need for belonging and love is a higher need than the need for safety (Maslow's hierarchy of needs). It is clear that satisfying higher needs is closer to self-realization than satisfying lower needs. Although higher needs are not as urgent, it is evident that satisfying them has value for survival and growth.

Satisfying the need for safety creates a sense of relief and relaxation. Satisfying the higher needs creates a deeper sense of happiness, peace, and inner abundance and fulfillment.

When your sense of security is established, you naturally dare to love, to be hurt, and to grow.

I am confident that this will be helpful to you.

I am your neighbor, Potato Man, who has grown up with you. Thank you for your attention.

Dear questioner, I can really feel the uneasiness and confusion in your heart. It's so hard when you want a sense of belonging but feel like an outsider no matter where you go. I know it's really tough.

I just want to let you know that you're not alone, and that your feelings are totally valid and understood.

We all have experiences in our lives that aren't so pleasant. They can feel like dust in the wind, temporarily blinding us from seeing the way forward. But I want you to know that every moment of confusion and uncertainty is a catalyst for growth. They make us more determined to move towards our own future.

From what you've told me, it's clear you're longing to be seen and accepted. It's so lovely to see how much you hope for someone who truly understands and supports you, and who shares the little moments of life with you.

However, it's also important to remember that a true sense of belonging comes from within. It's about accepting and recognizing yourself, warts and all!

I'd like to share a lovely little story with you. There was once a girl who was just like you, lost and helpless.

One day, she made the wonderful decision to start keeping a diary. In it, she recorded her moods and growth. Whenever she felt lonely or uneasy, she would open her diary and see how she had gradually come to terms with herself.

Little by little, she came to realize that her inner strength was growing stronger and stronger, and she started learning to give herself the strength and courage she needed. Before she knew it, she found a sense of belonging and a meaning and value in her life.

So, how do you think you can establish this sense of belonging? I'd love to give you some specific suggestions that you can try and slowly find a method that suits you.

1. Give yourself some positive feedback every day. Find a quiet moment, sit down, take a deep breath, and tell yourself, "I'm great! I have my own value and meaning. I'm constantly growing and improving, and I deserve to be seen and recognized."

This kind of self-affirmation can really help you feel more confident and like you belong.

2. Try to reconcile with the past: The words and experiences that hurt you are in the past, and we cannot change them. But we can choose how to face them, and that's something we can do!

It can be really helpful to try to look at the past with a more tolerant and understanding attitude. You could even tell yourself, "Those are all things of the past. I have learned a lot from them, and now I want to look forward." This kind of mentality can help you release the burden of the past and make it easier for you to move towards the future.

3. Expand your social circle! It's a great idea to try to make connections with different people and participate in social activities or interest groups. In the process of interacting with others, it's really important to pay more attention to their feelings and needs, and to learn to listen and understand.

You'll be happy to know that when you're ready to connect with others in a genuine way, they'll be there for you too!

4. Find your interests: Find the things that really make you happy and satisfied, and devote time and energy to developing them. Whether it's music, crafts, reading, or travel, just go after what you like!

When you immerse yourself in something you love, you'll feel a sense of fulfillment like never before. It's such a wonderful feeling!

5. Treat yourself to some time alone: We all need a little me-time now and then to reflect and organize our thoughts. Find a quiet place, sit down, and just let your thoughts wander freely.

You'll be amazed at how much you'll learn about yourself and where your future is headed!

And finally, I just want to say that feeling like you belong doesn't happen overnight. It takes time to explore and discover new things in our daily lives. But I truly believe that if you're willing to put in the effort and time, you'll find your own sense of belonging.

In this process, don't rush things! Give yourself enough time and space to grow and change. When you truly accept and recognize yourself, you'll find that a sense of belonging naturally comes to you.

I really hope you find your own happiness and sense of belonging in the days to come. You've got this!

Hello, question asker! I'm Jiang 61.

Thank you for trusting us and being willing to tell us about the confusion you're experiencing. We're here to help you get answers. You're confused because you want a sense of belonging but feel like there's no place for you anywhere. We can help you figure out what to do together after reading your introduction and learning about your situation.

1. Introduction

1. Family environment

You said, "I need a tree hole when my emotions come up."

"My soulmate may have died. I don't know. Either way, I know I have a soul."

"My parents divorced when I was 10 years old, and my main caregiver was my grandmother."

"Grandma: You have to be considerate of me, and you have to be considerate of your mother. Don't take a bath today. You waste a lot of water every time you bathe. Why aren't you sleeping? Go to sleep.

"My mother said, 'If your father really loved you, he would not have had your younger sister with that aunt of yours.'"

"My father said, 'Your mother gave birth to you and then left you with your aunt to go study for her doctorate. She is not a qualified mother at all. You should go to your aunt's house more often to experience a normal family atmosphere.'"

"Auntie: Your whole family is sick."

"I am trapped in these past, aggressive words. I need to find a place that truly belongs to me. I want to be recognized and seen."

I want to be in a family environment.

You grew up in a divorced family, and your grandmother was an important caregiver.

Your mother left you when you were just a month old to pursue her doctorate. You have a half-sister.

I want to be in a relationship.

Your grandmother is trying to get you to understand your mother, but she's also restricting your water usage. She doesn't understand your state of mind, especially your difficulties. After your parents divorced, they would still accuse each other in front of you of abandoning you.

Your aunt is wrong. Your family is just like any other. You want to be accepted, understood, and seen by them.

2. Longing

You say, "I feel accepted by my boyfriend now, but whenever we have a disagreement, I subconsciously feel rejected. For example, I like music and I want to have a piano in our home in the future."

I don't need to buy a piano. I can just go to a music studio and practice. In the end, he agreed I could play the piano at home. I fought for it, and I'm proud of myself.

My friend says she can't make it on the morning of the date, and I know it's because she doesn't value me.

"I don't believe I should be looking for so-called 'soul mates,' but I do long to find someone with whom I share the same interests."

"I want a small home, a cat that I love and that loves me, a small second-hand piano, and a decorative wall for my books and handicrafts. I don't want a boyfriend or anyone else in my future."

"Sometimes I feel guilty about this."

Your longing is clear.

From these three paragraphs, it's clear you're longing for someone who can truly understand and accept you, provide a warm home, and all of which you believe you lack.

Alone.

Your subconscious future is to be alone with yourself. The picture shows a cat attached to you, your favorite piano, books, and handicrafts. There is no boyfriend or anyone else.

3️⃣, I want to know where love goes.

You say, "I know I should establish a sense of belonging on my own and use my heart as a safe haven. I understand the theory, I just don't know how to achieve it yet."

Sense of belonging

Belonging is also known as a sense of affiliation. This refers to an intrinsic connection between an individual and the group to which they belong. It is the delineation, identification, and maintenance of a particular group and its affiliation by an individual. A sense of belonging is the psychological manifestation of this delineation, identification, and maintenance.

Love goes nowhere.

The questioner wants to know how to make themselves feel at peace and give emotions and feelings a place to settle when not accepted by family members. In fact, this is about establishing a sense of inner security, which can give your emotions and feelings a place to settle.

2. Causes of loneliness

1. The impact of life in the original family

The primary family is the family in which a person lives with their parents from birth until adulthood. It is a sociological concept as well as a psychological concept.

The primary family is the family in which a person lives with their parents from birth until adulthood. It is a sociological concept as well as a psychological concept.

The behavior, thinking patterns, and living habits of the original family are passed on to the next generation. They influence a person's growth and shape the next generation's character, habits, values, emotional patterns, etc. They also affect the next generation's learning, work, marriage, socializing, etc.

Affects

The questioner grew up in a divorced family and was raised by her grandmother, which means she was deprived of parental care at a very young age. The parents' mutual accusations made her feel like an outcast, so she craves love and care from others. She demanded that her boyfriend and she share a bed and cries in the toilet because she wants to be loved and understood.

2. Sense of Security

Security is key.

A sense of security is a feeling of confidence, safety, and freedom from fear and anxiety. It is a feeling of satisfaction with one's current and future needs. It is a foreboding of possible physical or psychological dangers or risks, as well as a sense of power/weakness in dealing with them. It is mainly manifested as a sense of certainty and control.

This is missing.

The questioner wants a warm home with a cat, books, and paintings, but no boyfriend or other people. This shows he lacks trust in people, so he's not insecure. You worry you'll be abandoned, so you only accept things you consider reliable.

3️⃣, emotional link

There must be an emotional link.

An emotional connection, also known as an emotional bond, is a strong emotional tie between people based on trust, respect, understanding, and support.

Emotional connection is not just superficial communication. It involves a deep emotional and spiritual connection. In friendships, family relationships, and shared interests, emotional connection is reflected in a deep understanding of and selfless care for the other person.

You have needs.

From your introduction, it's clear you lack an emotional connection with people in your relationships. This is a direct result of your premature departure from your parents. Your parents' mode of getting along with each other has made you fearful when interacting with others, and you're unsure how to get along with others and establish a harmonious relationship of trust, respect, and understanding with each other.

3. What to do

1️⃣. Establish a sense of security.

Safety awareness is key.

As children, our parents provided us with a sense of security. As we grow up, we can become self-sufficient if we lack a sense of security. It is when we pay attention to our own expectations, satisfy our own needs, and feel that we can live independently without relying on others that we can establish a sense of security.

You must establish a sense of security.

When we continue to satisfy ourselves and do the things we want, can, and like to do, we gain a clear understanding of our abilities and recognize our self-worth, importance, and sense of achievement. We become more confident in being ourselves, and our sense of security is established.

2. Build trust.

Trust is essential for our psychosocial development. We can find someone among our friends whom we consider to be good and trustworthy, talk to him about some of your worries, and ask him to keep your secret. If he can do it, you will gain his

Trust is an emotional experience. It is the feeling of being safe, secure, and trustworthy in the people, things, and situations around us. It occurs when an individual knows that someone, something, or something is consistent, predictable, and reliable.

Building trust is essential.

Trust is an indispensable step in our psychosocial development. We can and should establish trust even if we have lacked it in the past.

Find someone among your friends whom you consider to be good and trustworthy. Talk to him about your worries and ask him to keep your secret. If he can do it, you will gain his trust. At the same time, keep secrets for others, tolerate and accept their shortcomings, keep your promises, and respect their wishes. Your sense of trust will gradually be established.

Once trust is established, emotional bonds are formed. You will no longer feel fear or worry when interacting with others.

3️⃣, Expand socializing.

Expand your social circles.

We have established trust with others and our social circle is taking shape. We are expanding our social circle by meeting new people and connecting with them.

Make emotional connections.

Our interactions with others are a process of emotional connection and communication. We adapt to this process, adjust our own interactions, and find ways that make both ourselves and others feel comfortable. We improve our emotional connections. We interact with others, and we gain the life we want.

Questioner, we will establish a sense of security, trust, and a normal emotional connection. Your past feelings of not being accepted, not being included, and not being loved will disappear. You will feel the joy and meaning of life, believe in yourself, take bold action, and know that anything is possible.

I wish the original poster a happy life!

Hello, question asker. I want to extend a hug to you. From your description of the inner world of each of your loved ones, I can sense your confusion, struggle, anger, loneliness, and helplessness. It seems as though you feel abandoned by the world and as though no one in your world cares about you.

A person's love and trust for the world and for others are cultivated and built up little by little, often starting with their interactions with their family and loved ones. However, it is possible that your important caregivers or closest relatives did not give you enough love and care. It is also possible that your initial images of your life were shaped by experiences of betrayal, dislike, mutual accusations, and shirking of responsibilities.

All of this can lead to feelings of inadequacy, as though you or anyone else in the world is not good enough.

As a result, your relationships with people in the world may feel somewhat tense and confrontational at times. When you disagree with someone, it can be challenging to view the disagreement as a natural occurrence and to recognize that it is not a reflection of your worth as a person.

It would be helpful to consider the patterns that exist in your family of origin, with your important caregivers, and with your close relatives. These patterns may include problems, blaming others (which may not be for the problem itself, but may be directed at other aspects such as character), avoiding the problem, and avoiding those involved in the problem.

From an early age, you have observed this pattern, which has led you to assume that when you disagree with others, they are attacking you. Even if they are simply discussing facts, you may perceive their words as an attack on your character.

So, you either fight back or avoid contact. Over time, you may find yourself reluctant to engage with people because whenever you do, disagreements are inevitable. Your reaction pattern may be perceived as draining, and you may feel tired. As a result, there may be no one in your future blueprint.

You may understand all of this, and you also understand that sometimes it is not the other person's fault, but you just can't help but react in this way. What would be the best way to proceed?

First, it would be beneficial to consider ways to break free from your original survival mode. It may be helpful to reflect on how this mode manifests in your family, your role as both an influence and a victim of this mode, and whether you have also learned this mode yourself. In order to avoid continuing to suffer deeply from it and to prevent yourself from harming others, it might be valuable to have the courage to sever your connection with this response mode. This process may be challenging and require time, but it is important to start and persevere in order to welcome a new life.

It is important to continue engaging with people and not isolate yourself from the world. Only through contact with others can you put your theory into practice and practice the new response patterns that will lead to a new life. When you disagree with others, it can be helpful to analyze the problem itself: what is the core of the problem, and how can it be solved? There are several ways to do this.

Once the brain begins processing information at a rapid pace, your emotional response may temporarily slow down, leaving less cognitive space for thoughts like: What did he mean? Is he targeting me? Is he criticizing me? How should I respond?

If you were to engage in this training for a few rounds, you may find that your brain circuits gradually return to a state of normalcy.

It may be helpful to create your own physical space and time alone when you are in contact with others. For example, you might consider having your own desk, decorated just as you like it, when studying or working.

It might be helpful to consider that having your own room or a space to write and read, or even a comfortable reading sofa, could become your spiritual haven at home.

You might consider setting aside some time every day to read, listen to music, watch dramas, or write about healing. For example, I will take advantage of the early morning while my children are still asleep, or when my family is playing with the children in the yard, to answer questions and write on the Yi Xinli platform.

Once the children are asleep, I like to take a few minutes to write down my thoughts from the day and plan for the next day. This helps me to disconnect from the world for a while and enter my own space, which I find really beneficial.

Once you have a moment to yourself, you can devote yourself fully to interacting with others and fulfilling your share of the responsibilities.

It is my hope that you will be able to find your own world, a place where you are and the people you love are also there.

I wish you the best!

A sense of belonging is an essential component of human emotional well-being. It is therefore crucial to personal mental health and well-being. The following suggestions may provide direction and inspiration.

First, it is essential to acknowledge and accept your past experiences. Your family background, upbringing, and the influence of those around you have all played a significant role in shaping you into the unique individual you are today.

While these experiences may be challenging and distressing, they are an integral part of personal growth. They shape our character and make us stronger and more independent. It is important to approach these experiences with a mature and rational attitude, understanding their impact on us, while not allowing them to impede our pursuit of happiness.

It is essential to engage in self-exploration and self-acceptance throughout this process. It is vital to gain a comprehensive understanding of your inner world, including your values, interests, strengths, and weaknesses.

It is recommended that you engage in self-reflection and listen to your inner voice to gain insight into your needs and expectations. When you fully accept yourself, including your past, present, and future, you will find that you become more confident and determined, which will also provide a solid foundation for establishing a sense of belonging.

The next step is to set personal goals, which are an essential component of finding a sense of belonging. These goals can be professional, personal growth-related, or related to the relationships you want to build.

Having clearly defined goals and pursuits provides a sense of direction and motivation. Additionally, these goals serve as a conduit for connecting with others and identifying like-minded individuals.

It is recommended that you set short-term and long-term goals and work towards them. As you pursue these goals, you will continue to grow and improve, and gradually feel a sense of belonging and accomplishment.

I recommend that you take the initiative when it comes to building relationships. Despite any past experiences that may make you feel uneasy or fearful about relationships, it is important to remember that everyone has a need to connect with others.

You may wish to consider joining a social event, an interest group, or a volunteer organization. These are all excellent opportunities to expand your social circle and make new connections. When spending time with others, it is important to be genuine and respectful, to listen attentively to their thoughts and feelings, and to share your experiences and insights.

By fostering positive interactions and communication, you can gradually establish a sense of belonging and trust. Concurrently, it is important to value existing relationships, maintain contact with family, friends, and partners, and share experiences and feelings.

In terms of seeking professional support, I recommend establishing contact with an experienced psychologist or counselor. They can provide professional guidance and support to help you gain a deeper understanding of your inner world, identify the root causes of your problems, and provide effective coping strategies and advice.

Psychological counseling can assist in managing emotions and interpersonal relationships, enhancing self-awareness and self-confidence. This can help individuals better cope with challenges and difficulties, and develop a stronger sense of belonging and happiness.

In addition to the aforementioned suggestions, it is crucial to highlight the significance of fostering self-care routines. When individuals learn to prioritize their emotional needs and prioritize their physical and mental well-being, they tend to experience greater fulfillment and satisfaction.

It is recommended that you try some relaxation and stress-relieving methods, such as meditation, yoga, and exercise. These activities have been proven to help reduce stress and anxiety, while also improving self-awareness and self-worth.

Additionally, it is important to provide yourself with positive feedback and encouragement, as well as recognize your own achievements and progress. These habits will help you develop a stronger sense of self-awareness and self-worth, which will in turn enhance your sense of belonging.

It is important to understand that finding and establishing a sense of belonging is a gradual process that requires time and patience. It is crucial not to rush this process or to be overly critical of oneself.

Have confidence in your abilities and potential, and believe that you can achieve your own personal satisfaction. It is crucial to maintain a positive attitude and an open mind throughout this process.

Additionally, it is important to recognize and appreciate the positive moments and experiences in life, as they can serve as valuable support in developing a sense of belonging.

It is possible that you may encounter some challenges and difficulties along the way. However, it is important to remember that these are all part of the growth process. Through continued effort and perseverance, you will gradually find your own sense of belonging and enjoy the peace of mind and contentment that comes with it.

I hope you will continue to develop and enhance your skills, and that you will find the fulfilment and satisfaction that is rightfully yours.

Hello! I can feel the tenderness, delicacy, dexterity, love of reading, and love of music in your words. I've heard it said that people who love music are big lovers, and I think that's so true!

I feel so lucky to be able to share this with you!

We are all chosen ones, each of us a unique being with our own incredible life mission! Our parents are just a door through which we pass, and no matter what, we should be grateful for the door through which we pass. But they have their own missions, and we have ours!

We are all like blades of grass, carried by the wind to this wonderful land! Many seeds are not as fortunate, but they still have a chance. They just need the right environment to germinate and they'll be lucky enough to sprout! There are also many seeds that are not sure if they are lucky, although they are fortunate to germinate, they lose the environment they rely on before they have time to grow up. But that's OK! There's always next time!

Each seed is special and determined, striving to take root and sprout, growing upward, absorbing nutrients from the earth and nourished by the sunshine and rain. Of course, there are also times of storms and rain, but they make the grass take deeper roots and become more resilient. A strong grass knows how to withstand the wind, and what doesn't bring me down can only make me stronger!

We are truly blessed to have grown up in this incredible land of China! We often take for granted the people around us who work hard to provide for their families and make sure we have everything we need, from food and clothing to housing and transportation. But let's not forget the unseen forces that make it all possible: the earth, sunshine, and rain that we don't even notice. Think of the Middle East, where many children are lucky to survive, let alone thrive. They may not have the chance to grow up, but they still have a purpose.

A country is the foundation of a family, and a family is the smallest country. A country is millions of families! If we look at it from a broader perspective, it is indeed true that we are very lucky. This is where we belong. We help each other and support each other, and the cycle continues!

Sometimes we are afraid of parting with familiar people, and we subconsciously think that kittens and puppies are the most loyal companions, just because we don't want to experience the sadness of separation. But there's so much more to life than that! In fact, many experiences are the seasonings of life, with all their different flavors, sweet, sour, bitter, spicy, and salty, which can all bring out the inherent fragrance of the food.

The storm has long passed, and I have grown up! I have grown up in an environment of great love, and I am so grateful for that. I have allowed myself to bloom and blossom into my own beautiful little flower, and I am repaying the earth for its nurturing.

Hello. I am Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who can make images speak.

The questioner's grandmother needs a good boy. The divorced parents both hope that you will stand on their side and hate each other. The aunt from the so-called normal family doesn't give you any warmth. This child, who has had no "home" since the age of 10, longs for love but can't believe that he will ever have it. Even when he meets an accepting boyfriend, he is always worried about what might go wrong in the relationship. When you realize that your vision of your future family doesn't seem to include anyone else, you don't seem to be happy. This is because you feel guilty about establishing a psychological safe base. In fact, those aggressive voices won't let you believe that you can do it.

"Good boy," you really need to be a little "willful"! You can bring the piano home without your boyfriend's permission, you can be like a friend who cancels at the last minute without caring about other people's feelings, and you can confidently insist on doing what you want. It's too hard, isn't it?

If you want to do something you love, take the time to do it. It's hard to take big steps, but you can achieve your goal by taking small steps.

You need to understand that you don't need to have a "complete" spiritual haven immediately. You need to build it up little by little, starting with what you think you can do. You need to discover the ways you are good at pleasing yourself. For example, some people like to listen to music and perceive life with their ears; some people like flower arrangement and perceive life with their eyes; some people like sports and perceive life by sweating profusely. No matter which one or which ones you choose, you are enriching your life, and you will find that you are gradually coming alive.

When you prioritize your own needs and meet them first, you will be better equipped to handle external judgments and expectations.

People who grew up in an insecure attachment relationship can and will rebuild a secure attachment relationship. Seeking help from a counselor is the best way to get the understanding, companionship, and support you need on this relatively complex road to rebuilding. Rebuilding the mother-child bond in a counseling relationship, learning effective interpersonal interactions, discussing the challenges encountered in life, and making timely corrections are all essential for promoting the rebuilding of a secure attachment relationship.

Best wishes!

Hello, question asker!

I just had to tell you how much I love your writing! I can really feel the pain you went through at their hands. I can only imagine how it must have affected you as a young person. It's so sad to see how this lack of security has affected you.

It might take a little while to regain that sense of security you've been missing for so long. Just take it one step at a time and rebuild your inner order at your own pace.

1. Take a moment to recognize how you've become who you are today, and then let go of your obsession with the past.

This can be really tough. We might have let go on the surface and accepted that the past is the past, and that things happen for a reason. But when we're hurt, our subconscious mind can sometimes take us back to being a child, which is just our mind's way of protecting us.

You'll get there, little by little.

2. Give yourself permission to live a life you love!

You can't change the past, but you can create a wonderful present and an even better future! Work towards the life you want, prepare a safe space for yourself, and when you can't help getting hurt, this is a place where you can gain a sense of belonging.

3. Don't give up on finding your soulmate, my friend!

It's totally normal that we can only meet a limited number of people in real life. It can be really tough to find someone who's a good match for you. But don't lose hope! There are plenty of great people out there, and you might even find your soulmate online, in books, movies, or TV shows. Take some time for yourself to let your soul fly free. Read a good book, play the piano, or even just pet some cats!

As the saying goes, you can't gain a sense of security from others, only from yourself. And it's so true! So what exactly does it mean to feel completely secure? I think it means that when you're alone, you can live a good life.

When I'm with the other person, I can also rely on them wholeheartedly, without being afraid of being hurt because I've given them my all. This kind of full energy and courage is a manifestation of a sense of security, but, you see, very few people can do so.

It's okay! Even if you love someone, you might still have some reservations in today's society.

So don't be too hard on yourself, my dear. Just take it little by little and regain your energy.

Wishing you all the best!

Dear reader, I empathize with the pain and struggle you have conveyed in your writing. Your words indicate a need for a sense of belonging and identity, as well as the impact of past experiences on you. Initially, I would like to offer you a gesture of comfort and express my hope that my response will prove beneficial to you.

Let us examine these emotions in a systematic manner and endeavor to identify strategies that may enhance your sense of self-worth and belonging.

First and foremost, your emotional responses are understandable and are not uncommon during one's developmental period. Your familial circumstances have introduced a considerable degree of uncertainty and distress, which has made it challenging for you to establish a sense of belonging.

The discussions you have outlined reflect the emotional burden of the family conflicts and misunderstandings you have experienced, which are genuine. However, it is essential to recognise that although these experiences have shaped part of your self-perception, they do not define you.

The concept of belonging is typically associated with our relationships with others. However, it is essential to recognize that our sense of belonging is primarily an internal phenomenon, rooted in our understanding and acceptance of ourselves. You have referenced the work of Maslow and Rogers, who underscored the significance of self-realization and personal growth for the individual.

Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory posits that the need for belonging and love is one of the fundamental human needs, whereas Rogers's theory of self-actualization asserts that individuals possess an inherent tendency to actualize their full potential. This implies that even in challenging circumstances, individuals can cultivate self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-acceptance.

It is understandable that you feel hurt by the words of your grandmother, mother, father, and aunt. These words seem to negate your value and existence. However, it is important to recognize that their actions and opinions reflect more on their own state than on your value.

Everyone has the right to pursue happiness and fulfillment, including the subject herself.

In your relationship with your boyfriend, you may perceive some of his actions and words as overly sensitive due to past experiences that have conditioned you to anticipate rejection. This is a comprehensible response given the context.

A genuine relationship, however, is founded upon mutual respect and support. If your boyfriend is amenable to compromises, such as acquiescing to your desire for a piano, this demonstrates his willingness to consider your preferences.

This is indicative of a positive mutual understanding and respect.

With regard to the last-minute cancellations by your friend, there may be a number of reasons for this, and it does not necessarily indicate a lack of value on their part. Life is replete with uncertainties, and the actions of individuals may not always be reflective of their personal emotions.

It is recommended that individuals attempt to learn to give others some space and understanding, while also setting boundaries for themselves. This approach may prove beneficial in facilitating more effective responses to challenging situations.

With regard to your aspirations, namely a modest residence, a feline companion, a secondhand piano, and a tastefully appointed wall, these tangible desires reflect your need for security and self-expression. You experience a sense of culpability regarding the absence of these elements in your projected future, potentially due to a perceived lack of entitlement.

Nevertheless, it is important to believe that you have the right to pursue these positive outcomes and that you deserve them.

The process of developing an inner sense of belonging entails the cultivation of self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-love. The following are some avenues for exploration that may facilitate the initiation of this journey:

One may endeavor to gain insight into their own identity by exploring their values, interests, and aspirations. Keeping a journal or engaging in creative activities such as drawing can facilitate self-expression, enabling a more nuanced understanding of one's inner world.

It is recommended that individuals attempt to cultivate mindfulness and acceptance of the present moment through meditation, yoga, or other relaxation techniques. This approach has been shown to effectively reduce the influence of negative past experiences on current emotions.

It is recommended that individuals learn to recite positive affirmations on a daily basis, such as "I am valuable," "I deserve love," and "I am responsible for my own life." These affirmations have the potential to assist in the reconstruction of one's self-image.

It is crucial to develop the ability to establish healthy boundaries in relationships, as this is a fundamental aspect of building stable and secure interpersonal connections.

Should the necessity arise, one may opt to consult with a counselor regarding one's feelings and thoughts. Such an individual can furnish guidance and support within the scope of their professional expertise.

It is recommended that one attempts to focus on the positive aspects of one's life, including the positive aspects of one's circumstances and the positive aspects of one's relationships and possessions.

It is imperative to ensure that sufficient time and energy are dedicated to self-care, which may encompass activities such as reading, exercise, artistic pursuits, or other interests that are personally fulfilling.

It is recommended that one sets small goals to gradually achieve one's dreams. Each success will boost one's self-confidence and sense of belonging.

The concept of belonging is not merely external; rather, it is a construct that is developed from within. It is not necessary to seek external validation from others in order to ascertain one's self-worth.

Each individual possesses distinctive qualities, and their feelings and needs are equally significant. Their aspirations are meaningful, and they possess the capacity to construct a life replete with love and contentment.

It is imperative not to abandon one's pursuit and to refrain from disregarding one's emotions. One is deserving of a comfortable abode, a supportive partner, and an environment replete with literature and creative materials.

The inner world is replete with potential for providing solace and comfort.

It is my sincere hope that this response has been of some assistance. With love and best wishes,

Thank you for sharing. We all have difficulties. I feel for you. Let's cheer and love ourselves.

You need someone to love, care about, encourage, and give you a warm, comfortable, and safe place to live.

You feel lonely and want to be loved. But you can't find someone to talk to, go shopping with, or create romantic surprises for. You're afraid that others won't understand you. You're always careful to protect yourself and reluctant to open your heart to others.

Everyone will feel like they can't get recognition from others, doubt themselves, and think they'll fail at everything. They feel like everyone doesn't understand them and sometimes feel alone, which is why they need someone to talk to.

Everyone is an independent person. The most important thing is to build a strong and warm self. As for other people, they are just the patterns and designs used for the exterior decoration of this self. You also realize that to establish a sense of belonging, you need to accept the current self.

I hope you can leave the past behind and move towards a new future where you can be happy, joyful, and healthy every day.

Good day, inquirer.

In the event of a divorce between parents who habitually engage in verbal attacks against one another, the child's emotional well-being may be significantly compromised. From the child's perspective, the parents represent both familial figures who are integral to their identity. Consequently, when one parent is subjected to criticism by the other, it can evoke a profound sense of internal conflict and emotional distress. This dynamic may potentially give rise to a kind of extreme personality split, which could ultimately culminate in a mental breakdown.

At that time, neither your parents nor your primary caregiver, your grandmother, demonstrated any awareness of your emotional state. Instead, they appeared to be preoccupied with their own emotional experiences, exhibiting a lack of emotional engagement.

At the time, the child was unable to cope with the emotions displayed by the adults, let alone express their own emotions. This is an emotion that has become fixed.

Despite maturation, individuals may retain unfulfilled expectations and desires from childhood, along with experiences of forbidden emotions and hurt. While specific events may be forgotten, bodily sensations and cellular memories can persist, evoking emotions and feelings from the past.

This part of ourselves is carried forward into adulthood, and when similar events or feelings arise, the emotions will suddenly surge and erupt.

As if suddenly returning to the past and reliving the hurtful and helpless situation of childhood, one allows one's habitual reaction to take over.

The wounds you sustained during your childhood

In India, one may observe an intriguing phenomenon: an elephant, capable of lifting ten individuals with ease, is tethered by a diminutive chain. This represents an ancient technique employed by elephant tamers.

When the elephant was still young, it was tethered to a post by a chain of minimal gauge.

The infant elephant is too weak to break free, regardless of the number of attempts it makes. After a few repetitions, it gradually ceases struggling.

After a number of years, although the baby elephant has matured into a strong adult elephant with sufficient strength to break free, it no longer exhibits the motivation to do so and is thus tethered to a small iron chain for the remainder of its life.

Despite the physical maturation that occurs throughout life, the psychological and emotional aspects of an individual may remain unresolved. This can manifest as a persistent inner state of being constrained by unbreakable bonds, akin to the metaphorical image of an elephant trapped within its own body.

This instinctive inertia is, in fact, the root cause of the issues that arise in our family of origin and childhood trauma. Our family and upbringing act as our "elephant tamers," trapping a childlike aspect within us that has not been adequately nurtured.

The psychological concept of the "inner child" is a useful framework for understanding the role of childhood experiences in adult behavior.

The following four steps are recommended for healing the inner child:

The four-step process for healing the inner child is as follows: 1. See the situation for what it is. 2. Accept the situation.

The initial step is to acknowledge the injustices and challenges that have been experienced.

It is imperative that we seek to vindicate the injured and aggrieved child.

Step 2: Express gratitude and appreciation for one's ability to "survive."

Consider the child who has experienced significant adversity, including suffering, injustice, oppression, isolation, helplessness, and despair.

Step 3: Forgiveness

First, I forgive my parents for their ignorance and limitations. I believe that they love us from the bottom of their hearts, that they do not intend to be against us, and that they are also in pain and limited. I forgive them for not having the opportunity to understand the true meaning of love and for not having been loved enough.

I have survived to the present day and have been afforded the chance to become aware and heal, to become myself. This is a significant accomplishment for that child.

Step 4: The inner child must be healed and the individual must become themselves.

Now that you have reached adulthood, you are capable of caring for yourself. It would be beneficial for you to inform your ten-year-old self that you are aware of the fear and uncertainty that you were experiencing at that age.

No one in my family was aware of the extent of my fear, confusion, helplessness, and overwhelming feelings at the age of ten. Now that I have reached adulthood, I have gained the strength to cope with these emotions.

My objective is to extricate you from this predicament.

Hello, my name is Zeyu.

"I would like to feel a sense of belonging, but I often feel like I don't belong anywhere. What can I do to achieve this?" Regarding the question asked by the original poster, let's first acknowledge that we can have a sense of belonging and that it is something we can experience.

It seems that our current sense of belonging is lacking due to the influence of differing opinions. It may be that we are unable to find the nutrients we need in these fragmented pieces of information, which in turn makes it challenging for us to find what we crave. With regards to the questioner's description, it is interesting to note that the words spoken about the same event by different people can vary. This could be attributed to a number of factors, including subjective evaluation and the individual's perception of the event and the interests involved. In light of this, it might be helpful to identify these ideas one by one in order to gain a deeper understanding and find our own answers.

In the case of the original poster's boyfriend, it's important to remember that we all have our own needs and desires that we want to achieve. There is no right or wrong, good or bad in these desires themselves. Fulfilling these desires will involve the needs of the other person. From the results, it seems that the other person has made concessions, but we find it hard to let go. In reality, it seems that there is no place for the other person in our plans. In fact, there is nothing wrong with what we are thinking about now, because the reality is that we don't know what it's like to have a complete family, so we can only construct an ideal environment that can accommodate ourselves through fantasy.

In the environment we have created ourselves, we can feel at ease and feel that this is my place. We may not fully understand each other's needs, but that doesn't mean we don't love him or can't allow him to exist. Now we want to achieve this, we can try to first create our own corner in real life and present it little by little.

It would be beneficial to establish a sense of belonging by cooperating with our partner in activities such as decorating the environment, organizing housework, or other tasks that can foster mutual trust, enhance security, and improve intimacy. Ultimately, the goal is to cultivate and establish a sense of belonging through a series of activities.

As a final suggestion, we could consider expressing our inner feelings to our partner. This could involve sharing what we feel and what we need, and observing their response. If they are unable to provide the help we require, we may wish to consider seeking psychological counseling or taking relevant courses, should our abilities allow.

Hello!

Pats her shoulder.

"I want to fit in, but I never do. What should I do?"

When you feel sad, you need a place to talk about it.

From the first sentence, it seems like the questioner may lack inner security. Everyone's needs in a relationship are different.

Some people want material things more, while others want a sense of spirituality more. These needs are different, and they fit with Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory. But that doesn't mean the needs are wrong.

How can you understand this?

The parents divorced when she was young. Her mother complained a lot, and her father was inconsiderate. The original poster didn't feel her father's love. This may have affected her. Pay attention to whether you are understood and accepted.

Even if the questioner is strong-willed and sensible, these needs will not go away. They will be hidden, and when loneliness intensifies, the desire for understanding and recognition will become stronger.

I want a home, a cat, a piano, and a wall for my books and products. I don't want a boyfriend.

I feel guilty about this. I should build a sense of belonging and use my heart as a safe haven, but I don't know how.

These are not high demands. Work hard, live an active life, and take things one step at a time. The future will be fine. People who lack a sense of security will find it hard to support themselves. They don't feel encouraged or accepted. When they can't get along with other people, they feel lonely and empty. They find it hard to trust others and even harder to deceive themselves.

The future is both a fantasy and something to be afraid of.

What should you do to find a sense of belonging?

We all have a sense of belonging. It's in our hearts and in the things around us. We're in the present moment with the things we identify with and accept. The same goes for people. I choose the people in my life because we share a sense of identity. This sense of identity and empathy connects us. It makes us feel supported and empowered. We're sometimes willing to compromise and accommodate certain self-interests. This is an expression of love and acceptance.

Books, sports, public welfare, and creative activities also help you feel connected and understand yourself better.

Activities like climbing, skiing, traveling, and reading help you understand yourself better and connect with your inner self.

As you grow, it's easier to be yourself. You don't need someone else or recognition from others.

If you're struggling with emotional trauma, try accepting your imperfect self. If your parents are always fighting, set boundaries, focus on your own life, and only listen to their emotional outbursts occasionally. Or listen to their thoughts and feelings. This may be difficult, but it will help you face life's challenges. You'll gain control and independence, and your confidence will grow. You'll be able to pay attention to your needs. Imagine raising a kitten and creating a loving home for it. You'll need a sense of belonging and love to grow into a beautiful, confident person.

Your aunt's words are funny but don't take them too seriously. Many people have neurotic personality disorders. Sometimes it's the environment, sometimes it's their personality. You can treat it as normal or understand that your aunt feels hurt. Sometimes you need to use wisdom to deal with setbacks!

Hope this helps.

Best,

Hope this helps!

Best,

Hello. I can imagine that experiencing the break-up of your family as a child was very difficult and unsettling. It seems that the caregivers and elders you relied on and trusted were unable to offer you comfort, which may have increased your sense of abandonment. It's possible that the break-up of the family was perceived by you as being because you, as a child, were not cute enough.

It would be fair to say that you were not permitted to retreat into your emotions and express your feelings, and that your sense of identity was constantly being challenged during a crucial period of your development.

It could be said that belonging is a basic human need. It may be helpful to think of it not only in terms of having a place to live, but also in terms of a safe haven made up of people who love us. At its core is the belief that "I am loved" and "I am accepted." However, it is possible that traumatic experiences during our growth years can distort this core belief, forming the perception that "I am unloved" and "I will always be ignored and abandoned."

This understanding is reinforced when we encounter conflicts or difficulties in relationships as adults. It can be helpful to recognize that doubts and anxieties are not really directed at other people, but at the inner self.

You have already taken note of your own reaction patterns and have a general understanding of the reasoning behind them. However, despite this awareness, you still find it challenging to make changes. It is understandable that change is not easy and takes time. Just as beliefs formed from old experiences do not happen overnight, adjusting and restructuring perceptions also requires new experiences to be built up gradually. If you are willing and have the necessary conditions, you might want to consider trying to slowly change using cognitive behavioral methods. You may find it helpful to have a counselor accompany you on this journey.

It might be helpful to identify any negative beliefs you have, for example, that you are unloved or unaccepted, or that you are not worthy of love.

It might be helpful to understand that it comes from past experiences.

Perhaps you could look for evidence to challenge this belief and build a more positive one. For example, you might consider that your boyfriend gives you acceptance and is willing to give up his own ideas for yours when there is a conflict. Similarly, your friend cancelled a date, but there is still plenty of evidence that he cares about you and our friendship.

It might be helpful to adjust your understanding of love. Perhaps love is not an all-or-nothing thing, but rather an imperfect process that can continue to develop and grow.

Perhaps the most important thing is to accept yourself and be your own "ideal parent." Even if the past was difficult, you have the capacity to grow and develop resilience, and you can form new relationships.

You have the capacity to care for yourself. That harbor is a place where you can be assured of your own company and support, regardless of whether there will be anyone else there in the future and who they will be. And this self is a self that grows and develops. She has not stopped, so you can trust her to bring a new outlook to life.

Dear Questioner, It is beneficial to recognize the positive aspects of the present situation. Expressing gratitude for the encounter is a constructive approach.

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a sense of grievance, loneliness, and guilt. I extend my support and understanding to you in this moment.

Let us engage in a discussion on this subject.

1. It is advisable to avoid engaging with the comments of others.

The preceding section delineates the aggressive verbal interactions of your loved ones, which are replete with a plethora of accusations, disapproval, non-acceptance, and a dearth of understanding. They project their own disappointment, anger, and accusations towards others onto you. They are consumed by their own emotions and comments, as well as a sense of powerlessness. Grandma is powerless to alter Mom's marriage, Mom is powerless to alter Dad's situation, Dad is powerless to reverse Mom's decision, and Auntie is unable to comprehend your parents' behavior and does not accept yours.

It is important to note that the words and comments in question are not about the individual in question; they have no bearing on the individual. They are, in fact, about the other person. It is unnecessary for the individual to carry the grudges, emotions, and feelings of powerlessness associated with these words and comments.

Irrespective of one's actions, if the inner emotions of others are not acknowledged and addressed, they will inevitably manifest as conflict and emotional distress directed towards the individual in question. It is important to recognize that these emotions are not a reflection of one's own actions or shortcomings. Each individual possesses unique limitations and inner emotions that are intrinsic to their being and not a result of external influences.

2. Form a stable identity

Your parents divorced when you were young, and your grandmother raised you. You experience an inner sense of abandonment and perceive that your parents and others do not value you or care about you. You seek recognition, observation, understanding, acceptance, and a secure attachment, which would provide you with a sense of safety.

During your developmental period, the emotional states of those in your immediate vicinity were projected onto you, creating the impression that your existence was being thwarted. You aspire to a domestic environment that is characterized by warmth, happiness, and unconditional love, where you are free to pursue your own interests and make your own choices.

An individual who is capable of comprehending, accepting, and tolerating the self.

Indeed, this is the aspect that is lacking within you, and it is this very lack that has led you to seek it out. Having now reached adulthood, you are in a position to become the one who understands you, accepts you, and loves you.

It is recommended that one should engage in introspection and self-reflection whenever one experiences an emotional state. This can be achieved through various techniques such as journaling, expressing one's emotions verbally, or seeking comfort from a loved one. It is crucial to acknowledge and validate the feelings that arise, and to extend compassion and understanding to the vulnerable inner child within.

Inform her that you have matured and will continue to provide support. Regardless of her actions, you will comprehend, accept, and love her while allowing her the autonomy to make her own decisions.

Upon the emergence of emotions, it is essential to establish a connection with the inner child. This entails recognizing the child's emotional state, acknowledging her needs, and providing a nurturing environment. The inner child can be viewed as a spiritual entity, requiring care and attention to facilitate her growth and stability. This process begins with recognizing and addressing the inner child's needs.

It is recommended that the individual in question collect the fragments of love they have received, whether from relatives, animals, teachers, classmates, or strangers. This collection will gradually form an inner safe haven for the individual.

3. It is important to learn to express emotions.

The suppression of emotions by verbal attacks from those in one's immediate circle has resulted in a state of emotional entrapment. During one's formative years, it was necessary to rely on these individuals for survival, yet the lack of awareness and understanding of emotional needs and boundaries led to a prolonged internalization of these attacks.

It is now necessary to learn to protect oneself, express one's emotions, and establish certain boundaries. It is important to make the other person aware that their words were inappropriate, to become aware of their own emotions, and to recognize that their words have caused hurt.

Once an individual has developed the capacity to respect their own feelings and emotions, and to respect themselves, they will be better equipped to recognize and address the wounds that have accumulated within them.

It is imperative to recognize that you are deserving of happiness, warmth, sight, and beauty. Should you require assistance in establishing an internal sense of belonging and in healing, you may seek the guidance of a professional counselor.

It is my sincere hope that this response is of some assistance to you, and I wish you the very best.

Hello! I give you a 360-degree hug!

In your detailed account, you bravely revealed the verbal attacks you endured as a child from significant figures in your life, including your father, mother, grandmother, and aunt. You expressed a desire to break free from these attacks and establish a rational perception of yourself, which is an admirable and courageous step.

You've chosen to seek external approval, and it's great that your boyfriend has also provided you with a certain degree of recognition and affirmation! However, in the course of your relationship, if your partner doesn't give you the affirmation you want from the start, you'll retreat into the solid castle you built as a child. This will shut you off from the outside world and from your boyfriend, not to mention the important others who attacked you when you were young. But don't worry! You can rebuild this castle and find the love you're looking for.

It's like a child, hiding in a strong castle, closing the doors, the windows, and the possibility of happiness. But as people in social relationships, deep down we still long for relationships, to be recognized and seen in them, to have a sense of belonging—and it's so important to recognize that you are worthy of love and belonging!

I believe that when you were little, your father, mother, grandmother, and aunt really didn't welcome you. But you know what? That's okay! Sometimes your existence may be evidence of their failure, but you are here now, and you are loved!

This fact may be very hurtful, but there's a way to turn this around! By deceiving yourself, you may expect them to approve of you and tolerate you, but the truth is, this may never happen.

It's time to move on and try something new!

I don't think your current boyfriend has thought about it that much. You say he gives you a lot of acceptance, which is great! But when you wanted a piano, he expressed disapproval, which is totally normal. Eventually, he agreed to let you buy one, which is fantastic! But in your opinion, the initial rejection still hurt you, which is understandable.

Maybe you don't understand why you want a piano. It's not cheap, and many people's pianos have become decorations. He chose not to agree at the beginning. But you can change that! Have an honest chat with him about it.

It's not easy to put ourselves in other people's shoes and empathize. He might not understand your thoughts at all. Even if he's highly emotional and empathetic, he may not be able to fully understand you or be your soulmate, as you say. It's a very difficult requirement for a person, but it's also a wonderful thing to have!

So be sure to communicate honestly! Tell him about the situations that make you emotional, what happened, and your emotional response. I think from the other person's feedback, you will hear things like, "Oh, I didn't realize it hurt you that much!"

If you don't talk about it, he won't understand you better, and it will be even more difficult to let your emotions accumulate. So, talk about it honestly!

Even if what the other person says makes you feel sad, it is also an amazing opportunity to understand each other better! We really can't know what others are thinking, and more often than not, we project our own thoughts onto others, thinking that they are their views, but in fact they are not, they are just our own.

There's a great saying: "There is no one else out there but ourselves." What it means is that our views on others are actually our views on ourselves.

If you feel that others do not accept you, it is most likely that you yourself cannot accept yourself. But there's no need to worry! This is something that can be fixed.

I'm so excited to see you make progress! I think talking to a counselor would be a great next step. You've got this! You'll be able to heal from your childhood trauma, learn to see yourself more rationally, recognize your own strengths and weaknesses, and identify what kind of relationship you want. Then, you'll be ready to take action and make the changes you desire!

Absolutely! You need professional help.

I am a counselor who is often Buddhist and sometimes pessimistic, but I also love the world and I love you!

Hello, Coach Yu here. Let's talk about this.

Adults often have a hidden inner child. Their emotional setbacks and disillusionment from childhood will affect their relationships. Trauma is when someone is abandoned or betrayed. It can cause problems in relationships. As the questioner wrote, we should try to feel safe and loved.

Our caregivers' feedback and behavior shape our sense of self. If they criticize, blame, or abandon us, we feel ashamed and incompetent. This self-blame increases shame, making our inner child fearful. We fake an acceptable false self to show the outside world and imprison the unacceptable self in our hearts.

The original poster wrote that I feel trapped in these past aggressive words. I want to be recognized and seen.

How do we heal our inner child and make ourselves strong?

Often, what makes us vulnerable is emotion. As the questioner wrote, you need a place to vent emotions.

Our childhood fears were not seen or soothed. In reality, they cause negative emotions and physical reactions. As the original poster wrote, my boyfriend makes me feel accepted, but I feel rejected when we disagree.

Childhood experiences may have caused us harm, but we can accept ourselves and try to reconcile with ourselves.

When you feel negative emotions like fear or guilt, take three deep breaths and say to yourself, "It's not my fault."

You can also try writing about your feelings. Write honestly and openly. This will help us understand our emotions and the problem.

We can talk to our grandmothers about our childhood. We can also talk to our parents separately. We don't need to blame anyone. We just need to understand each other better. We must also communicate with our boyfriends. We need to be honest with them. We need to tell them what we want. We also need to listen to them. This will help our relationship.

If this bothers you, it's not easy to overcome it immediately. Find a family member or friend you trust and talk to them. If you need help, find a counselor.

We try to learn to love ourselves by treating our bodies well. We tell ourselves that we have grown up, that we can protect ourselves, that we can satisfy our own needs, that we can express and communicate our own thoughts, and that we can accept and appreciate our imperfect selves. Other people's opinions don't matter. Look inward, embrace your inner child, and become your own inner parent. When your core is stable, you'll find the eye of life, the eye of love, and the eye of happiness.

Recommended book: Embrace Your Inner Child.

Hello, questioner.

I can only imagine how you must have felt at ten years old, when your parents divorced. It's likely that you felt like you didn't have a home anywhere. I can understand how you feel now, and I empathize with how helpless you must have felt. You have had a hard time over the years, and I want you to know that I'm here for you.

I can fully understand your desire for a sense of belonging. In psychology, a sense of belonging is often considered a basic human need that stems from our psychological need to be accepted, recognized, and valued by others.

When we feel accepted by a group or an individual, we gain a sense of security and satisfaction, which can help us build self-esteem and confidence, and thus better cope with the challenges in life.

However, your experiences have led you to feel a lack of belonging. A divorce, rejection by family members, a boyfriend who was initially unsupportive, and friends who were unable to provide the support you needed may have made you feel unappreciated and unaccepted.

This feeling can sometimes make you feel lonely, helpless, and depressed, which might make it more difficult to feel a sense of belonging.

So, how might we feel better? I will share my views based on my personal knowledge and experience.

Perhaps the first step would be to accept ourselves. It might be helpful to learn to accept yourself.

It may be helpful to recognize that everyone has their own value and strengths, and to try not to be too demanding on yourself. When you can accept yourself, you may find that others are more accepting of you too.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to communicate in a positive manner. It may be helpful to communicate openly with those who you feel do not accept you.

It may be helpful to express your feelings and needs, and to let them know what you want. At the same time, it is important to respect their views and to try to understand their position.

Thirdly, it may be helpful to consider getting involved in social activities. These could include volunteering, interest groups or clubs. Such activities can provide an opportunity to meet new people, expand your social circle and increase your chances of being accepted.

If you feel you are unable to cope with these feelings, or if they have a significant impact on your life and mental health, you may wish to consider seeking the help of a professional counselor.

They can be of great assistance in helping you gain a deeper understanding of your inner needs and provide effective coping strategies and advice.

It is also important to remember that you are not alone in this. Many people have experienced or are experiencing similar feelings.

By seeking help and support, you may find a sense of belonging.

Have faith in yourself. You will undoubtedly overcome this challenge and enhance your life in the process. I believe in you!

I appreciate your feelings of confusion and frustration. A lack of belonging can indeed make people feel helpless and lonely.

However, it is important to understand that developing a sense of belonging takes time and effort. Here are some tips that may help you find your place in the world:

It might be helpful to accept your past, including your parents' divorce and any negative comments from family members. Attempting to accept these experiences and understand their impact on you now could be beneficial.

It might be helpful to recognize that these experiences do not define you, but are part of your growth.

It would be beneficial to build self-identity by getting to know your interests, values, and life goals, and by believing firmly in your own worth. Pursuing your interests and goals can gradually help you build self-identity and a stronger sense of belonging.

You mentioned that you would like to create your own space, which I think is a wonderful idea! Perhaps you could have a small home with a cat, a piano, and decorated walls.

It might be helpful to work towards these goals and create a cozy little nest for yourself, which could also help you feel more at home.

It might be helpful to seek support by sharing your feelings and concerns with friends, family, or a counselor. They can offer support, understanding, and advice to help you better cope with problems and develop a sense of belonging.

It might be helpful to consider cultivating positive relationships. While it's natural to want to find someone who shares your interests, it can be beneficial to value people who have different interests and perspectives. Diverse relationships can enrich your life experience and help you to know yourself more fully.

It is important to learn how to handle disagreements in a constructive manner. When you have a disagreement with your boyfriend or friends, it is advisable to communicate with an open, understanding, and respectful attitude. It is essential to remember that disagreements are normal and that learning to handle them effectively is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship.

It might be helpful to focus on the present and the future. While the past may have had an impact on you, it could be beneficial to direct your attention to the present and future. Perhaps you could consider focusing on your current life, interests, and goals, and how you can achieve them.

This may assist you in facing life more positively and gradually finding a sense of belonging.

Finally, regarding the guilt you mentioned, I would like to suggest that everyone has the right to pursue their own happiness and satisfaction. It is possible that your future blueprint does not include a boyfriend or other people, but this does not necessarily mean that you do not value them.

Rather, it reflects your expectations and plans for your own life. There is no need to feel guilty about this. I am confident that you will find your own happiness and sense of belonging.

Hello, After reading the description of the question, I feel that it is a very complicated one.

I'll do my best to answer. I think your core problem is probably in your attachment pattern.

A child whose parents divorced and was raised by their grandmother probably didn't form a secure attachment.

From what you remember of your grandmother's words, you may be a mix of conflict-avoidant and ambivalent.

On the one hand, you'll do what you're told by the adults. On the other hand, you'll push back against their attempts to control you.

It's possible that your parents fought in front of you, which might make it difficult for you to identify with either of them.

To give you a better answer, we'd need more specific information about how you knew each other in your parents' eyes and roughly how old you were.

There's no straightforward answer to this.

It's likely that this process will negatively impact your self-perception, potentially leading to challenges in self-esteem and self-worth.

For instance, you might have trouble identifying with your own value.

Luckily, you have a boyfriend.

It seems like when you're with your boyfriend, you often feel neglected and hurt.

Just a heads-up: Not everyone will have the same experience as you when they encounter the situation you're in with your boyfriend.

It's more likely that you'll experience abandonment or feel alert and uneasy before you've actually been abandoned.

I don't think a person's long-standing difficulties can be solved with one answer.

For instance, issues with attachment, personality, and intimacy can be addressed with a single solution.

If you're interested,

You might want to consider entering a counseling process.

With the help of a professional, you can gain insight into how you grew up and how you feel about the world.

You might even find the answers you're looking for.