I don't feel like a good mother, but I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

Hello, questioner.

I am 53 years old, and I am starting to feel that I may not be the most qualified mother, as my children are experiencing pain and seem reluctant to communicate with me. I recognize that I may have made mistakes, but I am unsure of the specific areas where I could have done better or if I have failed to meet their needs or misunderstood them. I am starting to feel that I may be the source of my children's pain. Do you think they would be happy without me?

From what you've shared, it seems like you're a mother who deeply wants your child to accept you. I'm curious to understand what might have led to your child acting in this way.

It is important to remember that when babies are unable to take care of themselves, they really need their mothers' care and protection. If we continue to treat our children in this way when they grow up, it could have a negative impact on their development.

When we learn to let go, our children will be able to handle their own problems and find their own ways and means. It might also be helpful to think about how we want to spend our later years.

I believe children also require some space. "Because my child is living in pain and refuses to talk to me, I naturally assume the blame, but I'm uncertain about the source of the problem or whether I'm meeting their needs, or if I've misunderstood. Now I feel like I'm the source of my children's pain. Will they be happy without me?"

From your description, it seems that you want to care for your child, but they don't accept it because they don't understand what's going on. I can see that you blame yourself and love your child dearly.

I wonder how you feel when your child rejects you. Do you ever wonder if you might be at least partly to blame for your child's behaviour? Perhaps we could ask ourselves whether that is really the case.

It's possible that we may have inadvertently caused harm with good intentions. I believe that every parent loves their children and wants what is best for them.

For this reason, it is important to learn to love and care for ourselves. When our children grow up and have their own lives, we can use this time to pursue our interests and gradually withdraw from their lives. It is valuable to find yourself.

We are optimistic that in the near future, we will be able to view our children's actions without feeling any sense of blame. We are hopeful that the relationship will continue to improve and that our children will continue to demonstrate their ability to solve problems.

If we allow ourselves to let go, we will find greater freedom. If we are children, we will gain a new perspective on our parents.

I hope this message finds you well. I apologize for the delay in my response. Yi Xinli, I want to express my gratitude to you and the world for all that you do.

Dear "Mom," I am Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who employs visual imagery in my practice.

I am unsure of the root cause of your concerns regarding your children. It appears that they are experiencing difficulties, and I am concerned that you may be experiencing guilt as a result.

As a mother, particularly when you place a great deal of hope in your child, the failure of your child to thrive can feel as though your hopes have been extinguished.

I am unsure why you are required to endure this pain without assistance. It is a challenging situation to be in alone.

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether there is any support available that you can turn to. I suspect that even if there is, you may not receive much understanding or support, and you may not be able to talk about it due to face issues.

You inquire as to whether your children will be content in your absence. I can definitively state that the answer is no.

Based on my personal experience as both a daughter and a counselor, I believe that even if the mother is no longer present, her influence will persist. This raises the question of how you should proceed.

It would be prudent to implement changes and adjustments while there is still an opportunity to do so.

Given the extent of your distress over your child's situation, I suggest you consider an alternative perspective: you are also a mother who is aware of her feelings.

As a woman in your 50s, you have the opportunity to embark on a new chapter in your life.

If you have spent the first half of your life focusing on the needs of others or on external expectations, you can now dedicate the second half of your life to your own needs and aspirations.

I hope to have the opportunity to assist you in addressing the challenges you are currently facing, listening to your inner voice, and improving your relationship with your children.

Indeed, if one member of a family implements positive changes, the entire family unit will gradually regain its equilibrium.

Best regards,

Good day, question asker.

From what you've shared, it seems like you are a responsible mother. It's understandable that you're feeling a sense of self-blame and guilt, given the circumstances.

I can understand why you might feel confused and helpless about this.

I'm sorry, I don't quite understand what you mean by your children being unhappy. I also don't know how old they are.

If they are adults, they may wish to consider that they are all responsible for themselves. If you are the one who has to bear the responsibility for all the sources of pain of your children,

It is important to recognize that the root cause of this issue lies with you, and that this may feel unfair.

It seems that you have started to consider the ways in which your own issues may be affecting your child's happiness. Interacting with your child from an introspective perspective

It might be helpful to consider what could be behind your child's reluctance to communicate with you.

Could you please elaborate on the reasons?

It would be helpful for you to try to understand your child's feelings in a calm and empathetic way, and to think about what might be driving their behaviour.

Perhaps this could be a way to improve your relationship.

It would be beneficial to reduce their anxiety, as your anxiety may lead you to devote more time and energy to the child, which could potentially raise expectations.

It is possible that investing too much energy in the child may raise expectations, which may then be difficult to meet. This could result in a sense of frustration.

This may lead to feelings of guilt and anger, which could potentially have a negative impact on the relationship.

Additionally, it would be beneficial for you to gain an understanding of your own interpersonal communication style. To do so, it may be helpful to use a value-neutral medium.

It might be helpful to seek the support of friends, girlfriends, or other individuals who know you well and can offer a different perspective. This could help you gain a clearer understanding of your own thoughts and behaviors. Of course, if your financial

If it is within your means, you might consider finding a counselor to act as a mirror and objectively clarify your communication and cognitive patterns.

It would be beneficial to gain a deeper understanding of yourself.

I would like to gently remind you that your child's refusal to communicate with you may be a momentary thing, or it may be that a certain event has activated them.

Rather than dismissing yourself entirely, it may be helpful to consider that your child's dissatisfaction with you may be momentary or may have been triggered by something else. This could help you to avoid feeling too much self-reproach or guilt.

If I may enquire further, could you kindly clarify when the children ceased communicating with you? I would also be grateful to understand what occurred in your family.

Could you please elaborate on the initial causes of conflict? Were they differences in needs?

Could it be that there were differences in values?

Please note that the above analysis is for reference only.

I am Consultant Yao, and I will continue to support and care for you to the best of my abilities.

Hello, I am here to offer you a place of peace.

"I'm starting to feel like I might not be the best mother because my children are going through a rough patch and seem to be avoiding communication with me. I'm sure there's something I could do better, but I'm not sure what. I'm wondering if I've misunderstood, or if there's something I've done wrong or not done right, or if I've failed to satisfy them in some way. I'm starting to feel like I might be the source of my children's suffering. Do you think they'd be happier without me?"

"

As a fellow mother, I empathize with the feelings of self-blame, guilt, pain, and a sense of powerlessness that you express in your words.

Given the limited information provided in your short text, I'm unsure of the circumstances that have led you to feel such a strong sense of self-blame.

It appears that you may be feeling responsible for your children's suffering. Could I ask you to consider whether this is really the case?

Could you please elaborate on what you understand by a qualified mother? Would you say that it is your fault if your child refuses to communicate with you?

Could you please clarify what you are unable to satisfy and what the misunderstanding is?

You say it's your fault, but I sense there might be more to the story. It seems that "they" passed on this idea to you, didn't they?

If I understand correctly, you feel that you are not a qualified mother. Could I ask you whether, when you were a child, you fulfilled your responsibilities and obligations to take care of your parents?

Could I ask whether you care about them and whether you love them?

Have you been able to provide them with the support, encouragement, and understanding they may have needed?

Could I ask how old your children are now? Are they still studying or working?

Could you please elaborate on the specific aspects of their painful lives? Are there academic difficulties?

I hope work is going well for you. Have you started a family?

Perhaps there are some challenges in your marriage?

Given the limited information in the description, I will simply say that if you have done your best to give your child the most attentive care, the warmest company, and the deepest love before they reach adulthood, then it would be fair to say that you are a qualified mother.

Perhaps it would be helpful to clarify that children and mothers are two distinct individuals who should have clear boundaries and respect each other's space. When these boundaries are crossed, it can lead to challenges, concerns, and even distress for both parties.

As children grow into adulthood, they become responsible for their own lives. If you feel that their current situation is related to the way you treated them as children, it may be helpful to reflect on whether your actions were inconsiderate or thoughtless in some way.

It is also possible that you may have inadvertently caused your children distress through your words or actions. However, now that you are aware of this, you can take the initiative to address it with them and work through it together.

If you feel that you are acting in a way that is in line with what you believe to be a good mother, then your current feelings of pain and self-blame may be a sign that you have perhaps overstepped the mark and that you might benefit from paying attention.

Perhaps it would be helpful to remember that your children are independent individuals. They are responsible for their own feelings in adult life, not their parents.

For whatever reason, you and your children are bound together by love. Since both sides are suffering so much, it might be helpful to consider communication as a way to move forward.

It would seem that the children are reluctant to speak to you. Could I ask why that might be?

Perhaps it would be helpful to reflect on your own actions. When your children were young and expressed a desire to share their feelings with you, did you respond in a way that caused them to feel disappointed or uninterested? Over time, their desire and need to communicate with you may have diminished.

It is therefore likely that they will resist communicating with you as adults, which suggests that there may be an obstacle or barrier to communication between you.

To remove the obstacles, you may need to be courageous and sincerely reach out to embrace them. They may initially refuse, so it would be helpful to be patient, sincere, loving, and tolerant.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to consider whether they would be happy without you. If you feel ready, you might like to set aside your complex emotions for the time being, reflect on your true feelings, and ask yourself: could their suffering be caused by me?

Could I ask you to consider whether you are 100% sure that you are responsible?

If that is not the case, could you please tell me what the truth is?

Ultimately, only you are in the situation and have the most authentic experience and feelings, so only you have the final say on the question. The answer is waiting for you to discover it.

The information provided in the question is somewhat limited, and I'm not entirely sure if I fully understood it. I'm very sorry if I misunderstood, and I hope you can understand.

I would also be grateful for your help in correcting it. Thank you.