I don't want to be in limbo like this. What should I do?

Hello.

I have read your account several times and I understand your confusion and your kindness. You don't want to hurt him, but as you watch his eyes grow more and more feverish, you become frightened, guilty, and panicked.

I hug you from afar to show you I care.

You met a male classmate while taking a training course. You got to know him for a month and chatted a lot on WeChat, which shows you have a common language.

He likes you. He always praises you and brings you food. He wants to take you out to dinner alone. From what you've said, it's clear he likes you, wants to pursue you, and looks forward to being in a relationship with you.

Women fall in love based on feelings. You're right—falling in love shouldn't be like this, weighing things up and down.

Your feelings for him are the kind you don't like, but you don't reject either. You're just willing to be a casual friend, not a lover.

You know this about yourself: you don't have feelings of love, not the kind of feeling that would make you want to fall in love with him.

You just might not be able to tell what you really think because you've never been in love before. You don't know if this feeling can lead to a relationship, so you just go along with it.

Let's be real, ladies. We all want to be liked and loved. It's a basic human need. And for us women, being liked means proving that we're attractive.

It feels great to be loved and to show the world what you're made of.

You are kind, and you are afraid that if you continue in this unclear way, you will hurt the other person. You don't want to deceive or hurt him, and you know that if you don't make things clear, you will be irresponsible towards yourself and others.

You need to figure out how to not hurt him while also setting clear boundaries.

I am convinced that unclear relationships like this will cause a lot of misunderstandings the longer they continue. Once misunderstandings arise, they will be difficult to resolve.

Whatever you think in the future, you must be clear with the other person that you don't feel affection for him now. This will establish a very clear interpersonal boundary, allowing you and the other person to see where it is and build trust and permission with each other.

Don't worry about the future. Focus on the present. Think about your thoughts and feelings now. Decide what kind of relationship you want. Be understanding, accept yourself, and soothe your heart.

Contact a counselor to explore your inner world and gain insight into your true fears.

The world loves you. You must love yourself.

It would be beneficial to offer the questioner a gesture of support and understanding. I can perceive a high level of distress, apprehension, and uncertainty within the questioner's emotional state. Despite the unease and fear associated with the boy's advances, the questioner still exhibits a genuine inclination to accept and reciprocate the other person's advances and affection.

Given the uncertainty of the situation, it would be advisable for the questioner to communicate their feelings and thoughts to the other person, listen to their response, and observe their reaction. This could potentially provide reassurance and a sense of ease. In the event that the other person does not accept the proposal, the questioner will not be adversely affected and can use this opportunity to gain a deeper understanding of the other person.

Furthermore, the questioner is an adult, and both his physiology and psychology require an intimate relationship with the opposite sex for satisfaction. This is an instinctive need that cannot be controlled by the questioner's own will. Additionally, the feelings of unease and fear that make the questioner uneasy when the opposite sex shows interest in him are the result of suppressed emotions from past experiences. They are not a result of the current situation the questioner is facing.

Therefore, the questioner can continue to interact with the opposite sex in a mature and responsible manner. Any underlying emotional issues can be addressed through professional counseling, allowing the questioner to resolve their concerns without hindering their ability to socialize and interact with others. This approach offers a dual benefit of addressing personal challenges while maintaining social engagement.

As for the nature of the relationship between the two parties, it is only at the point of becoming well-acquainted that they can be considered to be ordinary friends. There is no need to determine at this early stage whether the relationship will progress to that of a boyfriend and girlfriend. The questioner can at least be in control of most of this matter. However, regardless of the nature of the relationship, the questioner must accept responsibility for their actions. It is important to have a clear understanding of one's intentions and to communicate them effectively to the other person. Ambiguity will only lead to misunderstanding and suffering for both parties.

The aforementioned opinions are provided for the questioner's reference only.

Hello, question asker! I can tell you're feeling a bit confused and uneasy right now.

It can be really confusing when someone you're interested in shows interest in you, especially if you're not sure what you feel. But I promise you that this confusion is only temporary and that we'll definitely find a way to solve the problem.

First of all, I want to tell you that your caution and conscientiousness are great qualities. You don't want to hurt others because of your hesitation, and this kind of kindness and consideration is really admirable.

Meanwhile, the traits you mentioned—avoidant and fearful attachment—also show that you may be a little uncertain and afraid when it comes to intimacy, which is totally understandable.

To help you figure things out, I've got some concrete advice for you. First, try to give yourself some time and space to think about how you feel about him.

You can think back to your time together to see if there are any special feelings or expectations you have for him. You can also ask yourself if you feel happy or stressed when you are with him.

These questions of self-awareness can help you gain a clearer understanding of your own heart.

I also want to remind you that love isn't something you can trade, it's a process where two hearts attract and draw closer to each other. If you feel you have feelings for him, don't be afraid to go after your happiness.

If you don't like him, be honest with him to avoid any misunderstanding or hurt.

I suggest you be honest and gentle when communicating with him. You can tell him you need time to think and that you hope to get to know him better.

At the same time, you can set some boundaries, such as not going on dates or meals alone for the time being, to avoid any unnecessary misunderstandings or pressure. This way of communicating won't make him feel left out, and it'll also give you enough space to think.

I'd also like to offer some specific advice on the low energy you mentioned. First, try to maintain a certain amount of exercise time every day. Exercise can release physical stress and improve your mood.

Secondly, getting enough sleep is really important for restoring your energy. You can try to develop a reasonable schedule and stick to it as much as possible. In addition, find things that make you feel happy and fulfilled, such as reading, listening to music, and traveling. These activities can all help to boost your energy levels.

Finally, I just want to say that whatever you decide, I hope you can believe in your choice. You're kind, considerate, and thoughtful, and I'm sure your choice will be out of respect and love for yourself and the other person.

Also, remember that love isn't the only thing in life. You still have your own dreams and goals to pursue. So, no matter what happens, try to stay positive and keep moving forward.

I'm confident that with your dedication and resilience, you'll find your own path to happiness. I wish you the best and hope that you'll soon find clarity and move forward.

Hello. I am a heart exploration coach. Life is a beautiful journey, and it's time to blossom.

You're torn. How should you respond to the feelings of a "stranger" you've only known for a month? At the same time, this relationship has also made you "see" your own attachment patterns. Let's share and discuss.

1. Everything that happens must be helpful to me.

In just one month, you have gained the goodwill of others and taken action to show it. You are likeable, recognized, and accepted, as well as gentle and endearing.

I don't know how old you are, but you need to love yourself and develop a sense of self-protection. You don't know this person well enough to accept their invitation to be alone, especially for more intimate activities or spaces.

You have a connection because you have something in common: you took a course together and then you got "connected." Use this relationship to accumulate and improve your own experiences of interacting with the opposite sex.

For example, you need to show your own charisma, get along with the other person without being servile or arrogant, tactfully and politely refuse the other person, and make the other person feel your sense of "boundaries," etc.

You say that you are "very clear" that he "should" like you, but this statement is full of speculation and contradiction. You cannot decide how the other person feels, but you can control your own choices. Love comes when both parties sense it, and only then is it "falling in love."

You have every right to respect your own feelings and to accept or reject them as you see fit. You can get along as ordinary friends and see if there is any possibility of further development. There are also other options. In short, you have the initiative and you are in control of the pace at which you move forward.

2. Know your own attachment patterns.

Your words convey a lack of confidence, a fear of expressing feelings and emotions, and a lack of understanding of how to respond to or reject others.

You said you have an "avoidant attachment pattern." Let me be clear: when we were young, the attachment patterns we had with our parents were often carried over into our intimate relationships.

Avoidant attachment patterns typically emerge when individuals lack sufficient care and protection during their growth process. This can lead to the development of a self-protective mechanism that hinders the formation of a sense of dependence and closeness.

They are full of longing for intimacy on the one hand, and full of worry and fear on the other, worrying that if they have it, they will lose it. They would rather avoid the pain of loss than face it.

Here are some suggestions:

Seek help from a professional counselor.

(2) You can and should gradually open up and practice sharing personal feelings in a safer environment to gradually build trust.

If you lack the skills to spend time alone, invite a good friend to help you build your courage. Or, share, learn, and communicate with friends more.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. The world and I love you.

If you want to continue the conversation, follow my personal page, "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello, questioner. Reading these words is like meeting the person.

You're not sure about the relationship. You like the other person, but you're not attracted to them. You don't know what to do. You're not ready to start a relationship.

Let's talk more about this.

You've been chatting on WeChat for a month and met in class. He likes you, praises you, and brings you food. He seems nice, but you don't know what you think.

1. What topics do you chat about on WeChat?

2. When the other person praises you, brings you food, and thinks you're great, what do you feel?

3. What are you worried about when the other person asks you out for dinner alone?

The above three points are meant to show you that I can tell you're uneasy about the relationship. This uneasiness may be because the other person is moving too fast, and you're not ready. You've been backing away to protect yourself.

So, we've talked about this, and we've found a way forward. What kind of relationship can make you feel secure?

Or let's use another way to think about this: if you can be 100% secure, what would that look like?

People feel close or distant in a relationship based on how secure they feel. It's normal to think about it too much. When someone expresses interest, you think the relationship isn't ready. You choose to be hesitant to protect yourself.

In fact, there are not many trade-offs in true love. However, one party must generally be brave enough to reach out first if they want to develop a relationship.

This should be true of all relationships that make us feel comfortable.

Time's up! I hope the above responses give you courage and certainty in relationships.

In most relationships, people do things because they want to, not because they should.

Take care of yourself.

Hello! Thank you for your question.

From your narrative, I can see that you are confused, uneasy, and struggling to navigate this relationship. Your emotional world is like a delicate picture scroll, each stroke full of sincerity and complexity.

You're closer to him now, but your heart is still wavering. You're unsure of your feelings.

You may have only known this man for a short time, but he has already made an impression. His care and attentions have taken root in your heart like seeds. However, these growths bring not only warmth, but also confusion and unease.

You can sense his deep feelings, and you know they're strong enough to support your long-term future.

This confusion makes you feel lost in the world of emotions. You begin to examine your heart and mind to find answers, but the deeper you go, the more confused you become.

You know your feelings are real, but you're worried that investing in a relationship will lead to disappointment and hurt.

In the early stages of the relationship, you feel pressure, but you're confident in your ability to handle it. You're aware that your responses may not always be perfect, but you're committed to doing your best and being open to feedback. You're aware that your actions may not always align with the other person's expectations, but you're determined to communicate effectively and work through any issues.

Your avoidant attachment style makes you passive in relationships, and you are afraid of hurting the other person. This fear makes you cautious in communication, but you know that you can communicate effectively without inadvertently damaging the relationship.

At the same time, you are aware of the potential challenges this relationship may bring. You are confident in your ability to maintain your freedom and independence, and you are certain that this relationship will not become a burden in your life.

You want to find a balance in love. You want to enjoy the sweetness of love while maintaining your independence and individuality.

Your narrative reveals a clear struggle and pain. You yearn for love but fear the pain it can cause. You seek to build a deep emotional connection but worry you won't respond enough.

This ambivalence makes you emotionally indecisive, wanting to get close but also afraid to do so.

You said there's a contradiction between your ideals and the reality of love. You want love to be pure, natural, and beautiful, but the reality is often full of complexity and uncertainty.

This conflict makes you feel confused and uneasy, and you need to figure out how to deal with this relationship.

I am going to get inside your heart and understand your emotional world. I imagine you sitting in a quiet room, holding a cup of hot tea, your eyes full of confusion and unease.

You look out the window at the scenery, but in your heart, you know what you want from this relationship.

Your heart is full of longing for love, anticipation of the future, and worries about reality. These emotions intertwine to form a complex and authentic inner world.

You also want to grow in this relationship and learn how to deal with complex emotional issues and establish deep emotional connections with others.

You will find your way and move forward courageously on this emotional journey full of challenges and uncertainties. You are worthy of love and appreciation, no matter what the outcome.

You must maintain your respect and trust in yourself and face this relationship bravely. I will support you in any way I can.

You've got this! The world and I love you.

It is not uncommon for individuals to experience a period of confusion and uncertainty in relationships, particularly when it comes to a potential romantic relationship. In your case, after communicating with your classmate via WeChat for a month, you have formed a positive impression of the other person. However, you have not yet fully committed to the relationship.

This mindset is particularly prevalent when individuals lack sufficient self-awareness or knowledge about the other person.

First, it is essential to define your expectations regarding love and the qualities you seek in a partner before determining whether to pursue further development of the relationship. Each individual has a set of expectations regarding the ideal partner, which may include personality, interests, values, and other factors.

It is important to take the time to consider the type of person you truly desire and whether the individual in question aligns with these criteria.

Secondly, it is not necessary to immediately commit to a relationship simply because you have a crush on a guy. In any romantic situation, it is crucial to understand and communicate effectively.

It is possible to take the initiative to engage in more in-depth exchanges with the other person and gain insight into their lives, thoughts, and dreams. This process can help to determine whether there is a desire to develop the relationship further with this individual.

It is also important to understand that relationships do not develop overnight. The fact that two people have started dating does not guarantee that they will stay together forever.

It is essential that both parties invest effort and time in nurturing the relationship. Should you determine that you are not an optimal match, it is prudent to conclude the relationship before it progresses too far.

It is therefore unnecessary to delay making a decision due to concerns about causing distress to the other party.

Furthermore, it is important to be aware of any avoidant and fearful attachment tendencies that may influence your approach to intimate relationships. These tendencies can cause discomfort and apprehension when faced with the prospect of such relationships.

To overcome this tendency, you may wish to consider seeking professional psychological counseling to learn how to better handle your emotions and relationships with others. At the same time, you can also enhance your social skills and self-confidence by communicating with friends and family and participating in social activities.

During the course of your interactions with this individual, you may wish to express your thoughts and feelings in an honest and forthright manner. You may, for instance, indicate that you require additional time to become better acquainted and that you have certain views and expectations regarding the nature of the relationship.

This will not only assist the other party in gaining a deeper understanding of your perspective, but it will also establish a more robust foundation for the relationship.

If, following a period of communication and understanding, you are of the opinion that you would like to develop the relationship further, you may wish to consider entering into a formal relationship with the other person. In this process, it is important to remain open-minded and tolerant, to respect the other person's thoughts and feelings, and at the same time to adhere to your own principles and bottom line.

Through joint efforts and communication, the two can establish a healthy and stable business relationship.

However, if you determine that you do not have a significant emotional investment in the individual or that the relationship is not a good fit, you must be courageous and communicate this to him. While this may result in disappointment and distress, honesty and transparency are the most effective ways to demonstrate respect for all parties involved.

You may express your gratitude while explaining your thoughts and decisions. In doing so, it is important to remain polite and respectful, taking care not to hurt the other person's self-esteem.

In conclusion, while falling in love is a positive experience, it is also important to proceed with caution. Before entering into a romantic relationship, it is essential to gain a comprehensive understanding of oneself and the other person, as well as to clarify one's views on love and the criteria for selecting a partner.

Furthermore, it is essential to maintain an open mind and a tolerant attitude, while respecting the other person's thoughts and feelings. This approach is vital for fostering a healthy and stable romantic relationship, which in turn allows us to fully enjoy the beauty and happiness that love brings.