I failed the course because I was too busy watching dramas. If I can't change, should I drop out of school?

Hello, question asker.

It is challenging to provide comprehensive guidance on such a significant decision as whether to drop out of school in a relatively short description of approximately 400 words. Nevertheless, I hope to have an opportunity to converse with you further in my answer and to accompany you as you explore additional possibilities when you are experiencing feelings of guilt and uncertainty.

If I might make a suggestion, I think you'll find that a clockwork that is wound too tightly will easily slip.

If I may ask, did you play with those wind-up toys when you were a child? That is, wind the clockwork up as hard as you can, and the toy will run or jump, charging forward until it runs out of momentum and stops.

This is what I was thinking about when I saw you use the phrase "race against the clock" in your article. I'm not sure if it's appropriate to bring it up here, but I'm curious why you have to study so hard for the first two months of every semester, as if you were wound up to the hilt?

And in the last month of the semester, you tend to give up studying and start binge-watching dramas, as if the motivation to study has diminished. This pattern has repeated for four semesters, as you said. What are your thoughts on this?

Could binge-watching perhaps be perceived as a form of self-destruction?

While I'm not sure what drama you're watching, I believe there is value in it. For instance, it can provide a temporary reprieve from the stress of an upcoming exam, allowing you to temporarily set aside challenging concepts and formulas and immerse yourself in the virtual world created by the drama.

For instance, it could be seen as a reward for the months of daily study you have endured, like a monk. It could be viewed as a candy given back to you after countless nights occupied by audio recordings, playback, and notes. While it may not be a healthy habit, it could provide a sense of enjoyment and relaxation. Could binge-watching be a way to unwind during the first few months of each semester? Could you make a time-bound agreement with binge-watching? It might be helpful to take a moment to reflect on these questions.

It might be helpful to take a moment to consider what you hope to gain from your studies.

It seems that you have experienced some challenges in your academic journey, with two failed courses in the first three semesters of university. However, it is encouraging to see that you have the resilience to keep striving, with the expectation of only failing three courses this semester, which averages to one failed course per semester.

As anyone who has played video games knows, it is not uncommon to lose a few drops of blood during the process of clearing a level. However, this does not necessarily mean that the game is over. You can simply delete the file and quit after losing blood if you decide that you no longer want to play. The relationship between failing a course and dropping out of school is similar.

The employment prospects for those who graduate with a degree in applied mathematics are very good. However, the university entrance requirements are relatively high, and the courses and exams are also quite difficult. You are not sure whether this was really the major you wanted to study in the first place, or whether there are other reasons that have made you waver. For this reason, you are asking yourself whether you should drop out of school.

It would be helpful to take some time to think about what you really want from your studies before making a decision.

I hope the questioner can find some peace, be more patient with herself, and finish the semester strong. It might also be helpful to take some time over the summer to reflect and plan for her future.

You're asking whether you should drop out of school, but you should really think about why you're in this situation.

Mathematics and applied mathematics are challenging majors that test a person's intelligence. Each semester, you shifted from listening to the recordings to staying up late to catch up on the drama series. Have the courses become too difficult for you to maintain confidence?

You haven't given up. You still want to pass the exam. You're afraid that if you keep studying hard but fail the course, it will be an even greater denial of your abilities.

You stay up late at the end of the semester to catch up on dramas. You justify it to yourself by saying that if you fail a course, it is because you were watching dramas instead of studying, not because you can't learn.

However, your grades show that you have spent the first three semesters avoiding the truth by binge-watching dramas. The fact that you only failed two courses proves that your hard work in the first half of the semester has been effective and that your abilities are stronger than you think.

You need to be more aware of why you're afraid of failure after trying your best. You should know that dropping out of school is a failure.

Let me be clear: dropping out of school is a failure. If you have to drop out, you won't regret it if you've tried your best.

You want to create the impression that you don't care about finishing college. You're afraid of failing after all your efforts.

You need to identify what is scaring you. Think about these questions for yourself.

Zhu Rong, Counseling Psychologist Wang Chunguang

Hello, I'm Flower.

I empathize with the original poster's struggles and understand the frustration and helplessness she may feel in the face of these challenges. It's natural to feel this way, and it's important to remember that taking it slow and making small changes can make a big difference. I also want to commend the original poster for her dedication and resilience. You're doing a great job!

Perhaps we could discuss ways to change first?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider establishing the belief that change is necessary.

When we encounter challenges, we may feel the need to change, but the difficulty in doing so may stem from the fact that these challenges can be quite complex and require significant effort to overcome. As a result, we may become overwhelmed and decide to simply give up.

This may be due to a lack of conviction. Now that you are in the second semester of your second year, you will soon be a junior.

How might we establish a firm belief? This may require the questioner to find an internal motivation. For example, "I must get my degree and diploma."

It would be unfortunate not to obtain a degree. Even if graduation is delayed due to failing a course, that is an acceptable outcome.

If I might suggest, the prerequisite for getting a degree is that you don't fail your major courses. It might be helpful to establish a belief in "studying your major courses seriously."

It might be helpful to consider exploring some different learning methods.

It is not uncommon for professional courses in mathematics and applied mathematics to be quite abstract, challenging to grasp, and difficult to learn. You might want to consider exploring additional learning methods. I see that the questioner listens to recordings for review, which can be quite time-consuming. Fortunately, there are also many online resources. The questioner can go to B station to find learning for professional courses. Many people have summarized some learning tips, which are illustrated with pictures and easy to understand. You might also ask your good classmates for some learning methods. It can be quite tiring to study alone. Studying with a group of people can be more motivating. You can also work with your roommates, encourage each other, and grow together in a mutual support group.

It would be advisable to set reasonable plans and allocate time.

With regard to the question of binge-watching dramas, it could be argued that this can be seen as a form of entertainment and relaxation. However, it is also important to consider that the primary objective for college students is to study, rather than to relax. It may be helpful to gradually develop a habit of studying, rather than setting a full study plan immediately.

For instance, I intend to study for an hour today and an hour and a half tomorrow. You might consider gradually increasing the time you spend studying to help develop a habit of learning.

You might consider setting an app lock to help you manage your time spent on entertainment each day. It may also be helpful to allocate a reasonable amount of time for different courses, bearing in mind that those which are more challenging may require more time.

Perhaps you could consider gradually making changes to your daily routine. If you previously enjoyed relaxing in the evening, you might like to try going to the library to study instead.

It might be helpful to set up a self-rewarding mechanism.

It is also important to remember to combine work with rest, as a state of constant tension can lead to fatigue and a lack of motivation. For instance, if you complete your study plan today, you could reward yourself tomorrow.

You might find it helpful to visualize your daily plan and share my tips. I have found it useful to use an online calendar schedule planner to write down my tasks. I color code the words to indicate progress: black for incomplete tasks, and gray for completed tasks. When I see the past full of gray, I feel a great sense of accomplishment. If I complete a relatively large plan, I like to reward myself by going out to the mall and eating delicious food. If I complete a small plan, I also enjoy rewarding myself by playing with my phone and watching variety shows to rest and relax my brain.

Finally, we will address the question of whether it is acceptable to fail a class because of binge-watching a drama. If I am unable to make the necessary changes, should I consider dropping out of school?

If the questioner has tried everything and finds the process too challenging to continue, they may wish to consider their options after dropping out of school, such as retaking the college entrance exam, choosing a different school and major, or going straight to employment.

Ultimately, you are the one who is responsible for every decision. It might be helpful to discuss your options with your parents and teachers before making a decision. Consider the advantages and disadvantages of each option and make an informed choice.

I hope the above sharing is helpful to the questioner. I wish you the best in your decision-making process.

Good day, host.

In the previous discussion, two potential challenges faced by the original poster were identified. This discussion will continue with an examination of these challenges to provide a comprehensive response.

A negative cycle of emotions and out-of-control behavior

The host invested significant effort into exerting willpower to combat internal resistance, yet seldom achieved triumph. His experiences were predominantly frustrating, and over time, this gave rise to intricate negative emotions. Self-reproach for perceived irresponsibility and feelings of being a burden are closely intertwined with this phenomenon. Frequent success in exerting willpower leads to feelings of capability and usefulness, enhancing one's sense of worth.

The anxiety and struggle caused by these frustrating experiences can be likened to a Trojan horse in the background of a computer, quietly consuming the energy of the body. Even if no action is taken on a daily basis, fatigue will still be experienced, and biological rhythms will also be disrupted. For instance, it is challenging to obtain sufficient restorative sleep, and it is probable that this is related to the habit of staying up late to watch dramas. It is likely that the feeling of relief, pleasure and enjoyment that staying up late to watch dramas provides is less significant than the feeling of "shelter" that it offers. By immersing oneself in the drama, anxieties and pains can be temporarily blocked out of one's consciousness, resulting in a reduction in the negative feelings experienced.

The benefit of this strategy is that it can effectively help to reduce anxiety in the short term. It is probable that the underlying cause of your binge-watching habits is a lack of energy and the inability to sleep, which ultimately leads to you stopping and going to sleep. Exhaustion can also act as a barrier to anxiety because it prevents you from perceiving it at the conscious level.

This can be viewed as a kind of self-protection mechanism. When the mental pain and suffering exceeds our tolerance, our body will automatically activate these protective mechanisms to help us survive.

However, this strategy is unable to eliminate the source of anxiety. Furthermore, the disruption of the rhythm of life causes the body to deviate from a healthy state, which results in the gradual weakening of willpower. If one reflects on the past two or three years, it becomes evident that there has been a change in one's own willpower, rendering it increasingly difficult to force oneself. During one's high school years, for instance, it was possible to force oneself to attend classes consistently. However, later on, one may find it challenging to keep up with classes.

This indicates that one's behavior is out of control, which in turn indicates a difficulty in controlling oneself.

Therefore, not only is the source of anxiety not being resolved, but it is also becoming an increasingly significant source of anxiety for the individual. This results in a vicious cycle of self-blame, negative self-evaluation, feelings of shame, and a reluctance to interact with others. The negative cycle of "negative emotions ~ loss of control ~ negative evaluation ~ more negative emotions..." begins, and the longer it persists, the more the individual feels powerless to escape it. It is not difficult to imagine the emotional distress experienced by the individual. The individual may feel as though they are being crushed by their own negative emotions and experience a sense of breathlessness.

It is important to note that the difficulties you are facing are not merely minor challenges. It is crucial to understand that you are not irresponsible or a failure. Rather, you are confronting significant obstacles that are beyond your capacity to overcome independently.

The human condition is inherently complex. The process of self-awareness can often feel like an endless maze, where one is constantly striving to understand the changes that have occurred within oneself and the circumstances that shape one's experiences. Despite these efforts, there can be a persistent sense of struggle and an inability to achieve success. As I write this, I extend my deepest compassion and support to you.

It is recommended that you seek professional assistance and begin to break the cycle by taking action on the tasks that you can complete.

University counseling resources are available to students who are able to persevere. However, if a student lacks the strength to do so independently, professional assistance is the most effective means of interrupting the existing cycle.

It is also recommended that you develop an action plan with your counselor that is tailored to your needs. Utilize a task list to enumerate the three most crucial tasks you intend to accomplish on a daily basis. You may also include tasks you aspire to undertake, tasks you are capable of undertaking, and tasks you are not inclined to undertake. However, the fundamental objective is to undertake only three tasks on a daily basis and to record their completion. It is essential to refrain from including tasks on the task list that you have repeatedly attempted but have been unable to complete. Instead, prioritize tasks that you are able to complete.

Each stage of the daily plan does not need to be extensive; it is sufficient if the plan can be completed and if the schedule can be gradually adjusted to align with one's natural rhythm. For instance, one might consider going to bed and getting up an hour earlier or taking a 15-minute walk.

Should the original poster not withdraw from the course, they may request guidance from the instructor regarding their academic plan. It is recommended that they select one class and only take that class each week.

One should endeavor to break down the task at hand. To illustrate, a class recording can be solved in ten minutes a day, with completion occurring when the task is finished. Similarly, the textbook for the aforementioned class can be read in three pages a day, with the reading process concluding when the allotted time has been reached.

Furthermore, these three pages can be divided into ten-minute sessions, with a brief intermission between each. This process can also assist in identifying areas of one's learning ability that require improvement and supplementation with additional time and effort.

The completion of tasks on a daily basis, accompanied by a record of these tasks, will facilitate the restoration of one's sense of self-efficacy. This process enables the gradual replacement of self-doubt and self-attack with self-affirmation and confidence.

It is important to persevere, while also allowing for the possibility of failure and mistakes. The process of self-improvement can be challenging, and it is crucial to maintain a sense of understanding and compassion towards oneself. Instead of engaging in self-criticism and self-devaluation, it is more beneficial to save energy and try again to complete the plan.

It is recommended that the plan be adjusted periodically based on the individual's feelings and the specific circumstances. As the individual makes these adjustments and their situation improves, they should attempt to increase the difficulty and quantity of their daily tasks. It is believed that eventually, a positive cycle can be established in place of the negative one. However, it should be noted that this process is likely to be lengthy and challenging. Therefore, it is hoped that the individual will possess the necessary resilience to persevere and ultimately succeed in their endeavour.

Please disregard any responses deemed inappropriate due to the limited understanding of the poster.

This is the end of the quotation. I extend my love to the world and to you.

Hello, host!

Yesterday, we talked about how you have a strong desire to change yourself. Your feedback has basically confirmed that you're just caught in anxiety and difficulties, which have led to self-doubt and self-attack. Today, I'll answer some more of your questions based on your emotional state and the difficulties you've encountered. I'll answer them tomorrow.

The negative cycle of your difficulties, emotions, and out-of-control behavior

You've been reluctant to attend classes since high school, and it's been going on for a while. You feel guilty and sad, and you've been blaming yourself and trying to change, but you haven't been successful. This shows that your self-functioning is already having difficulty operating – your body is no longer able to cooperate with your will in the matter of studying.

It can also be expressed as the proverbial "I understand the principle but I just can't do it," which indicates that there's a mismatch between your body and mind that's been going on for two or three years. I think this is the real challenge you're facing, otherwise you wouldn't have considered dropping out.

I think the reasons are pretty complex, but from my perspective, there are at least two main reasons: one is a lack of internal motivation to learn; the other is a lack of ability to learn.

A lack of internal motivation to study

Simply put, your motivation to study comes from the long-term influence of your external environment. For instance, during the first nine years of compulsory education, you have to study whether you like it or not. The motivation to study in high school is to get into university. We don't have time to think about whether the desire to go to university comes from ourselves, our parents, or our teachers. It seems that the whole country is motivated to go to university, and it's not up to you whether you want to go or not.

The main reason people go to university is to find a good job after graduation to support themselves. Of course, this is also what their parents expect, so they have worked hard to support them, and now their guilt towards their parents has also become a source of motivation to study.

Most people have gone through this process of studying at one point or another. However, if these are the only motivations, your ability to continue studying will gradually decline. Have you noticed this? Which of these motivations is related to the learning process itself?

Do you find math interesting? Do you enjoy lectures?

Do you feel good when you solve a tough problem? Are you eager to put the knowledge you've gained to use in your life?

What do you think you'll be learning in college that'll help you in your future career? I bet you don't have a clue.

It takes a lot of willpower to tell yourself that you need to be responsible in order to motivate yourself to study. It's like forcing yourself to act. But human willpower is always limited, and it's not easy to keep up that level of motivation.

Even if you don't do anything, just thinking "today I have to get up and work hard to complete my tasks" will take up mental space and drain your energy every day. It will take away a lot of your attention, making it more difficult for you to focus on the learning activity itself.

It's unfortunate, but this is pretty common. Our compulsory education and education before the college entrance exam have become a closed system with lots of questions and exam halls because of the social reality of competition. Students aren't allowed to explore themselves, discover what subjects they like and what they want to do in the future, and become what kind of person. They lose the ability to think about the meaning of learning very early. Our brains are full of fragments of knowledge. We can solve problems and take exams, but we've lost the fun of learning activities and the opportunity to nourish and experience growth.

This is one of the main reasons why we end up procrastinating: it means that studying is the last thing you want to do. You've been battling this for three years, and I just wanted to say thank you for your hard work.

Insufficient learning ability

Another serious downside of this education model is that it can lead to a lack of learning ability. Of course, the college entrance exam score can reflect a person's learning ability. The fact that you can get into college is also proof that your learning ability can meet the basic requirements of college study.

The thing is, the abilities that can be tested on the exam paper are limited. A lot of students are trained to be good test takers and exam candidates, but that doesn't mean they really understand the meaning and significance of the knowledge they've learned, especially the connections between the knowledge and their own relationship with it.

When you learn lots of problem-solving techniques and exam strategies, you'll probably get a good grade on the exam. But these questions and knowledge have never really been connected to each other or to your own experiences. So this knowledge has never actually become your own knowledge; it is just a tool for your exams, but it has not been internalized as your own skill.

In the process, you also miss out on learning how to learn, because you're too busy with exams.

You're finding it tough to understand the lectures, so you're thinking of using recordings to help you. But the content taught at university is much more extensive than in high school, and the pace is fast. Plus, the teachers won't go over every detail with the students like they did in high school. You'll quickly see why learning ability is so important.

Learning ability isn't just about understanding what the teacher says in class. It's also about digesting knowledge after class, managing your time and energy, and managing learning resources. Your current difficulty is that you haven't understood anything since the beginning of class. You also can't keep up with the teaching progress in the other aspects afterwards. You should know that even if you understand the content taught by the teacher in two hours, the time you need to really study by reading books, doing assignments, and thinking about them to master the knowledge will usually double or even multiply.

So it seems like you're stuck on this first part of the course, and it doesn't look like you'll have enough time to catch up with the rest of the material. It's also clear that you haven't had a chance to experience and judge how much time and energy you need to invest in learning. These are all common mistakes in education.

I don't blame your past teachers. They're just one part of the system. That's why I'm sad. These abilities could have been developed through education, but it seems like education has had the opposite effect.

The speed at which you learn new knowledge and skills is much faster than the improvement of your abilities. The improvement of abilities requires a lot of self-exploration and accumulation over time. So, the second difficulty you're facing now is that the improvement of abilities isn't something you can achieve overnight. It's easy to imagine how much time and effort you'll need to overcome the difficulties in the future. For this part, I suggest that you find a trusted teacher or counselor to have an in-depth discussion with, so that they can help you determine what the difficulties are in your learning and how to improve them. Then, you can consider how to try to make changes.

For instance, how many study tasks can you realistically complete each day with the necessary quality and quantity? Which tasks are the most important to you?

Start with what you can manage and extend the course as needed. Don't force yourself to graduate on time. I'll continue answering the third difficulty tomorrow.

That's not all, though.

I just wanted to say that I love you, the world, and I love you, too.

Good day, host.

After reading the host's self-description, I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, observing the host's declining academic performance evokes a sense of concern and anxiety. However, on the other hand, I am impressed by the host's ability to maintain a sense of calm amidst the challenges of failing a course and struggling to keep pace with the curriculum. The host's ability to anticipate the possibility of failing a few more courses and contemplating dropping out of school is a testament to resilience and strength of character.

Subsequently, I perused your remarks to other respondents to gain insight into your internal sentiments and contemplations regarding the act of learning itself. I observed the anguish and affliction you endured, the veneration and affection you held for your progenitors, and the self-designations you ascribed to yourself, namely "irresponsible" and "like a waste of space." Additionally, I discerned the pronounced self-denial and self-reproach you exhibited, which evoked a profound sense of empathy. I would like to affirm that you have exerted considerable effort.

I recognize that you may not be able to fully comprehend the preceding two paragraphs at this time. However, I hope that the subsequent response will assist you in gaining a deeper understanding of yourself, which will in turn inform your decision-making process.

This response is somewhat lengthy; therefore, I will provide an answer within two or three days.

What is your perception of yourself in relation to the question of whether you should or should not engage in a particular action?

The host repeated his senior year of high school and was required to take online classes due to the pandemic. During these online classes, he found himself watching dramas instead of paying attention to the lessons. This phenomenon seemed to have worsened after two years in college. However, none of this is particularly significant. After all, you are still young, and it is impossible to guarantee that you will not encounter difficulties or make mistakes in life. What is truly important is that you can recognize and distinguish what is happening with you. In other words, you know whether you are in a challenging situation or just facing typical life obstacles. Even if the circumstances are uncertain or you must take an unexpected turn, the essence of life is to move forward by exploring and learning. If you do not take detours, how would you know what they are?

I believe that you possess a high level of self-awareness. You are aware of your current situation and recognize that it is not ideal. However, you have accepted that this is a temporary state and that you can work towards a more positive outcome. This is an admirable quality. So, what is truly important to you?

You have already identified a key aspect of the problem: "Teacher, I hate my behavior, but I am unable to change it."

The crucial point is to repeat the affirmation three times: "I cannot change." "I cannot change."

One is unable to effect a change.

The individual ponders the implications of these words and considers the internal monologue. Is the assertion being made that despite consistent effort and adversity, the outcome was futile, leading to a sense of helplessness?

Are you also saying, "I experience feelings of guilt and distress when I consider my parents, who invested significant effort to facilitate my education. I am concerned that they may become aware of my circumstances and experience feelings of sadness and disappointment in me. I am in a state of profound distress. I harbor negative sentiments towards myself for my perceived lack of competence and agency."

Do you still believe that you are a disappointment to yourself and a useless individual with no potential for improvement?

One might inquire, however, whether this is truly the case. If so, would one still be present, questioning whether one should drop out of school?

If this is the case, would you not be inclined to forgo your current academic pursuits and instead enter the workforce?

It is evident that there are some apparent factors that contribute to your reluctance, such as the inability to confront your parents. However, upon deeper reflection, it becomes apparent that this is merely a procrastination tactic, a temporary avoidance and delaying tactic employed to postpone the inevitable confrontation with your parents. The longer you procrastinate, the greater the financial burden placed upon your parents to maintain your current situation. Until the day when you are no longer able to procrastinate, the sadness and disappointment you bring to your parents will only intensify.

Another evident factor is that by dropping out of school, one is actively relinquishing the opportunity to obtain a college degree. This decision will likely result in significant, often unrecognized costs, including a sense of loss that can be overwhelming. After investing almost two decades in rigorous academic pursuits, the potential limitations in future job opportunities due to a lack of a college degree can be a significant source of distress. However, if one believes that personal transformation is unlikely, what are the potential consequences of not dropping out?

Thus, does posing the question "Should I or shouldn't I" signify the existence of an intrinsic motivating force within the individual that drives them towards change? Does it imply that the individual is not wholly despondent about their circumstances?

Does this indicate that you still have faith and hope that you can change?

The aforementioned responses and inquiries can be employed by the original poster to gain insight into their most profound sentiments and contemplations. It is advised to utilize writing as a tool for self-reflection.

The host can engage in introspective questioning and construct a "cost-benefit analysis" of the potential consequences of dropping out of school. This analysis should include both the immediate costs, such as the loss of a diploma and the distress this may cause his parents, and the long-term benefits, such as the avoidance of further academic stress and the opportunity to enter the workforce. Additionally, the host can identify the challenges he may face if he chooses not to drop out and consider the potential advantages of remaining in school. This process can assist him in making an informed decision about his educational future.

The aforementioned information is incomplete.

I extend my affection to the world and to you.

What?

This student has a plan for how many subjects to fail. The increase is 50% from failing two subjects to failing three.

I hope my joke didn't offend you. From what I know, failing two subjects is not bad. What's the problem? Let's look at it together.

Is it really not suitable?

The learning process is painful, but only you are suffering. Is this subject going through these trials and tribulations? This major tests thinking skills more, and the learning process is not interesting. If you cannot learn this major, the school will not admit you. You will fail two subjects. Since you did not mention other students' situations, I suggest communicating with students at the same level, one level above, and those who have graduated. They can understand the learning pace and techniques of this major.

Is the problem the teaching method or the teacher's language skills?

Math professors usually have serious accents. I've also met academics with poor communication skills.

What do you want from this learning experience?

School is just a part of life. Learning, understanding yourself, and building relationships are important. Think about as many things as you can when you make a decision. Changing majors or schools will be hard. You've already worked hard here. You can still help mathematicians even if you don't become one.

There are many career options after graduation. Look at what you have now.

Is there perfectionism?

You have a plan, but you're worried about doing well on the exam. You think that if you don't do well, it will affect your mood. Having a plan is good, but you may encounter unexpected problems. You may as well make your plan flexible. If you don't do well on the exam, it won't affect your motivation.

I hope you succeed!