I feel an inexplicable pessimism, how can I stop feeling so lost?

Hello, question asker! I'm Qingqing, your whale social worker.

From what you've said, I can see why you're confused, helpless and at a loss. I can also see that you want to change the situation. I hope that my analysis can answer your questions and resolve your doubts.

(1) I really feel for the questioner. Having parents who got divorced when they were young can really hurt a kid psychologically. But we have to remember that this is still something the parents have to deal with. It's not our place to get involved. And we didn't cause the marriage to fail, so we shouldn't blame ourselves for it.

(2) I feel sorry for the questioner, who is facing academic and interpersonal challenges at a young age. It's not our problem, either. On the other hand, the disintegration of the original family has led to a lack of interaction with our parents, which is unfortunate and beyond our control.

(3) So, how do we make improvements?

First, we have to learn to love ourselves. No matter how much injustice and hardship the world throws at us, we have to learn to protect and love ourselves. This is a vital lesson in growth. It's also the first lesson because we create the most beautiful and reliable things about ourselves.

The second thing to do is to make up for our lack of self-identity. Self-identity means being able to accept yourself and the outside world, loving life, not dwelling on negative thoughts, having clear life goals, and experiencing self-worth and social recognition and approval in the process of pursuing and gradually approaching your goals.

Confidence and self-esteem are built on this sense of identity, without blindly following the crowd. It's a sense of approval for what you think and do.

So, where does the questioner's sense of value come from? Is it dependent on others, or does it come from their own self-worth?

Maybe the questioner doesn't fully grasp the concept of learning and doesn't have a specific favorite subject. This is totally normal, given that the questioner is still quite young and their self-awareness is not yet fully developed. This is what we're going to do.

At the end of the day, it's important to recognize the questioner's initiative and desire to seek help. You've got this! Keep going with courage and hard work to develop.

Best of luck! (Yi Xinli Whale Social Worker)

Hello, I hope I'm not too late.

I'm very grateful to you for asking.

I admire your courage in exposing your wounds in this way.

In 2007, you were only 14 or 15 years old. Adolescence is a sensitive period, and it would have been beneficial for you to receive more care and attention from adults. Instead, you have to come here and tell us what's on your mind, which is really challenging for you. It's not your fault, and you're doing the right thing.

At the age of 6, his parents divorced. It would be beneficial for all involved if adults did not make their children bear the consequences of their divorce. Therefore, it is not your fault that they got divorced. After all, you did not get them married, nor did you get them divorced.

After the divorce, it seems that they may not have taken good care of you, which is unfortunate.

Perhaps you could tell us whether you asked to live with your grandmother?

I wonder if it might be helpful to consider whether parents should take care of their children.

I wonder if I might ask whether a child can choose their parents and family?

I believe that you are worthy of love and that you are not superfluous or unworthy. However, in this marriage that ended in failure, you have always been the victim.

We do not engage in victim-blaming.

Given her circumstances, it is understandable that she would experience trauma. After all, we are all human.

So it's okay, dear. It's natural to feel hurt, and it's okay to feel pain, sadness, and so on. I've seen it all, and I'm here to listen.

It is also important to consider the pain, sadness, loneliness, and even fear that often go unacknowledged and unaddressed by adults, even though these experiences are often caused by the same individuals.

It is understandable that someone who has lived with emotional neglect for a long time may feel at a loss.

Please don't worry, I understand.

Furthermore, a lack of response can create a sense of hopelessness. When children experience neglect and a lack of response from adults, it can lead to feelings of loss and a questioning of their own value. Over time, this can result in self-denial and even self-harm.

This is a very heartbreaking situation. The child is in a state of distress, and it's evident that her emotional well-being is at risk.

It is understandable that someone in this situation would act this way. It is not easy to grow up strong enough to withstand the wind and frost when you are suddenly and irresponsibly thrown into a desperate situation.

It's understandable that this child might have these thoughts; it's not her fault.

Perhaps we could consider that she is a human being, and that only machines have no feelings and no perception. What do you think?

It would be reasonable to assume that your financial situation is relatively good, given that you attend an international school, which is not inexpensive on average in China.

We also recognize that some adults may try to compensate with money. They might say:

For example, you have the opportunity to eat well, drink well, use good things, and attend an international school. You are in a much better situation than the average child, so it would be understandable if you were happier.

For instance, it could be said that adults work hard to earn money, but perhaps they spend it on the child in question.

It might be helpful to consider that sometimes children feel sad or angry for reasons that are not always clear. It's possible that what they're experiencing is valid, even if it doesn't seem logical to us as adults.

So, there was another period of self-denial and even self-attack.

But is it really as straightforward as adults often suggest?

It would be interesting to consider whether a child who has been living with her grandmother in the countryside could adapt instantly to living in a new city. It would also be interesting to explore whether she could feel no inferiority at all.

Perhaps we should consider whether Grandma is the best choice for childcare in this situation. It's possible that an older person and a child might have difficulty getting along in a new environment.

In this situation, it would be beneficial to have access to strong psychological and emotional support.

If you don't receive this kind of support, there is a possibility that you may experience feelings of loneliness and abandonment once again. This could potentially lead to further difficulties.

In this situation, it is only natural that your mood will be affected, and a bad mood will undoubtedly have an impact on your studies. Everything is interconnected. If your studies are not going well, the stares of your classmates and teachers will undoubtedly affect your mood once again, creating a vicious cycle.

It is understandable to take a break from school. You are not expected to be a superhero.

Perhaps it would have been better if your parents had been more present, rather than absent. It might have been helpful if they had listened to your true feelings.

Perhaps it would have been helpful if they had taken the initiative to ask you what you thought.

Hey, kid, if you feel like crying, then go ahead and cry. If you're angry, then allow yourself to feel that anger. It's important to remember that emotions are neither right nor wrong. They are simply a way for us to perceive ourselves and understand ourselves better.

Perhaps it would be helpful to accept it.

I believe you see it too. I see the real you.

It is, in fact, a very positive thing. When you begin to accept that these things happen to you, you are accepting the real you. You become self-aware and open to facing reality.

At this time, you are affirming yourself. Affirming yourself does not mean that you are right about everything, but rather, acknowledging that you are a person who will experience pain, make mistakes, feel embarrassed, and encounter difficulties; there will be good times and bad times.

Could I ask you to consider whether, when a person is sure of themselves, they might still be afraid of being abandoned by others?

I admire your courage.

Lu Xun said, "A true warrior dares to face the dismal reality of life." You have the courage to come here and talk about such a challenging situation. That's commendable, as it's often more beneficial to address problems head-on rather than avoiding them. There are many adults who could benefit from your approach.

You seem to be a sincere and serious person. Otherwise, it's likely that you would have been corrupted by others long ago, or you would not have come here to ask a question.

It is worth noting that some individuals may resort to seeking trouble or even taking revenge on innocent people after being hurt.

Perhaps you haven't done any of that, but have quietly endured it alone, might I ask?

I believe that if a sincere and conscientious person can calm their emotions and accept themselves, they will not worry about failing at school.

It is important to remember that learning is inherently challenging and that setbacks are a natural part of the learning process. It is also worth noting that a life devoid of challenges may not be as fulfilling as one that embraces them.

I'm sure you'd agree that nobody wants to live a fake life.

I believe that girls should have a solid skill so that they can be confident and not depend on anyone else.

A person who is independent and has the ability to handle all aspects of their life. Could I ask whether you still feel afraid of being abandoned?

Do you still have feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, or shame?

She is her own lovely master.

I truly hope you can become such a person because I believe you can.

I would like to express my love for the world and for you.