I feel like a bad person. Am I normal? What should I do?

Hello! From what you've shared, it seems like you've imagined attacking the people who hurt you in the past. This has given you some emotional comfort and release, but it's also made you doubt and feel uneasy about yourself. You're wondering whether this mentality is problematic.

It's clear that what this client did was very traumatic for you. You said you're a very pleasant person, and at the time you may have kept it to yourself. But this pressure and harm have not been relieved or repaired, so to some extent it has become "unsolved" or "unfinished." And such unresolved matters often remain in our minds, and in later life, encounters with small and big stimuli will evoke negative feelings.

I can see how the way this customer treated you is really getting to you. It's totally understandable! It's also really common to feel self-blame and a sense that you didn't manage to defend your dignity. This kind of thinking can make you feel even more hurt. So you might imagine fighting back and hurting him to satisfy your need to protect yourself.

It's totally normal to feel a bit confused after imagining it, especially if you feel a bit guilty. The thing is, fantasies aren't always logical, and there's no such thing as a clear-cut good or bad.

It's okay not to feel burdened or pressured by your thoughts. Fantasy and action are two different things. Just because you have an idea doesn't mean you'll act on it. So, even if revenge is on your mind, it doesn't change the way your life is going to play out. You can try to be more accepting and understanding of yourself. Try to relax your mind and be kind to yourself.

It's totally normal to feel this way! We all encounter painful, embarrassing, and uncertain situations in life. The good news is, we don't have to deal with these things 100% of the time. What we can do is be aware of our emotions and care for our inner feelings. And we can find a sense of control and strength from living in the present.

When you're feeling irritable and anxious, you can try mindfulness meditation to calm your mind, or you can relax your body and mind through exercise and fitness to enhance positive emotional experiences. If you have trusted friends around you, you might as well vent to them and seek psychological support. They'll be happy to help!

In normal times, you can also cultivate some hobbies to enrich your life and help you feel the power of self-growth. It's always a good idea to have something to fall back on when times get tough!

You're not a bad person.

The other person's behavior and insults don't make him a bad person. They just mean he did something wrong.

Don't focus on what he did to you. Focus on what you did to yourself.

His insults affect how I treat others. I get anxious just thinking about him.

Why am I a pleasing person? Why don't I speak back or resist and let others bully me? Why do I feel anxious because of this person?

Maybe you don't realize it's the second state. You might think that if you beat him, you can get rid of anxiety and go back to your old life. Is that really possible?

You can't defeat him because you're a law-abiding citizen. He's always there.

Second, your problem is regret, not your personality. Even if you resist, it doesn't solve the problem.

We need to reduce anxiety, accept ourselves, and learn to use our character to improve future work and interactions with customers and friends.

It's easy to love yourself.

Every morning, smile in the mirror. After talking to a customer, give yourself a thumbs-up.

Every night, before bed, tell yourself that tomorrow will be better.

(Every day, add a little positive energy. In a month or six months, you'll see a new you.)

Don't forget the negative.

When you think of that person before bed, slap your hand to create pain and remind yourself they're in the past. Look at me now, I closed another deal today. You can be praised for this.

The last thing is not to suppress.

When chatting with friends and family, mention that person, for example, talking about the past. Letting it out will make you feel better. If your friends are like mine, it would be best to scold him together. (We try not to scold alone, but when someone is listening. If you scold alone, you won't feel like you're getting anything out, and you'll get angrier and angrier.)

Your anxiety mostly happens in social situations.

We can use behavior to reduce anxiety without affecting work or social life.

Breathe deeply to calm down when you feel anxious. You can do this before answering the phone, replying to a text, or speaking.

The other is practice, practice communication. Most of the anxiety should be in socializing at work, but it should be okay with friends. There is a "verbal technique" for communication at work. We have been repeating it all the time. The projects are different, but the framework is still there. You can practice at home before meeting with a client the next day. You can practice on your own in the mirror, or just sit on the sofa and do it.

If your anxiety is severe and affecting your ability to work, eat, or sleep, see a professional for a checkup. You may need medication to help you cope.