I feel particularly uncomfortable being caught in the middle. How do I handle my relationship with my parents properly?

I empathize with you.

From what you've described, it's clear you're in a tough spot. You're caught between two worlds, unsure of what to do. You feel helpless and hopeless. And now, you've picked up some of their habits you dislike the most, and you're starting to hate yourself.

Your parents are...

Let's talk about your parents first. They may not have much education. Your mother is very strong, and your father is very weak. This is the way they have always interacted. A strong woman needs to match a weak man. Otherwise, if both are strong, or both are weak, how can they live together?

Your mother is a hot-tempered person who often speaks harshly. She has a lot of complaints about your father and the family, and she expresses her dissatisfaction with herself and the world in general through abuse. She may not even know what she wants to express.

Your father may be kind and weak, but he has inherited your mother's strength. If he had been stronger, your mother might have been weaker. This is the pattern in your family.

We often say that we did not choose our parents, but that our parents chose us. Each of us has a path to follow in this life, and we must find our way.

You are your own person.

I understand you, and I sympathize with you. First of all, I want to be clear that you should not think that you are living in a very bad family. Such a perception will only make you feel worse. Many families have similar or different problems. If one aspect is good, the other will go wrong. Our original family brought us up and at the same time, it also left us scarred. This is something that almost everyone can experience.

You said you tried to communicate with them. I'm afraid that won't work. Over the years, they have accumulated too much hardship, grievances, and even anger. Your preaching won't solve the problem. I might as well give your parents some advice: make a pact with them. For example, when you are around, don't fight like this. When you are gone, they can have their own way of life. When you are here, they can't do this because you don't want to experience this kind of life again. Otherwise, you can say that if this family has the opportunity, you never want to come back again.

This is about boundaries. You must set boundaries, and these are yours.

Secondly, you will undoubtedly have picked up some of their habits. On the one hand, it is genetics, and on the other hand, it is a result of the way you live. Now that you have identified the problems in yourself, how do you solve them? Look at your so-called impatience and weakness, and what is hidden behind the lack of respect for others.

It may be a reaction to long-term suppressed emotions. The best way to solve problems is to accept that you may have these problems and to love and be grateful. You can understand and love your parents and be grateful that they have raised you so well. By loving and being grateful, you can resolve some of their problems and weaken some of your problems.

You don't need to hate yourself. You came into this world with your own path to follow. If your path is to walk away from impatience, meanness, and disrespect for others, then do it. Take your time, don't rush, and live with more compassion and gratitude. Try it and see if it works.

We're on a stage and in a play we didn't choose.

We can't decide when we're born or when we die.

We don't know what family we'll be born into.

They have developed their own way of getting along, and it is difficult to change. Their way of getting along is shaped by their life experiences, and it is not affected by your presence.

Feelings between two people are not permanent. They change when challenges arise. Many people cheat because they don't feel the love anymore. But true love is not a feeling. It's a responsibility, a mutual sacrifice, and mutual respect.

Every marriage starts out full of promise, and the ending is unknown. The past cannot be changed, and the future is still to come. No matter what the current state of their relationship is, there is always a balance, and they are still living together.

Maybe this is just how they are.

We always expect too much from the people we love. When our families don't live up to our expectations, we feel inadequate.

Our original family affects our lives. We can't change this, but we can recognize it and control it.

Hello, question asker!

I wish I could give you more advice in just a short description of around 300 words, but I know you've been deeply affected by your family of origin. Even so, I'm excited to chat with you in my reply and to accompany you in seeing more possibilities when you feel sad or even blame yourself.

[It's not your fault that your parents have a poor relationship]

Living in a family with a dysfunctional relationship between your parents, where the mother scolds the father to his face and the father criticizes the mother behind her back, is a wild ride for a child. You feel torn between wanting to be loyal to your mother and your father, and not wanting to be caught in the middle—it's a thrilling challenge!

Parents attacking each other may make you feel like an unwanted child, which can make you sensitive and inferior. But here's the good news! Establishing and maintaining an intimate relationship is inherently difficult, and it is a problem that parents, as adults, should take on and solve themselves.

It's never your fault if your parents have a poor relationship!

[It is enough to save yourself]

You've done all you can! Now it's time to save yourself.

You've tried so many times to communicate with your parents in the hope of improving their relationship, but it hasn't worked. But that's OK! This is a task that they need to complete themselves. You've done so much hard work in the role of rescuer. Now it's time to return to the role of "child" and have fun!

You also have an older brother, and no matter what role he chooses to play in such a difficult situation, he does not need to be his parents' savior. You and your brother can support each other and face it together. It is enough to save yourselves—and you can do it!

[Embrace and love yourself]

[Embrace and love yourself!]

Growing up in a relatively bad environment does not mean you will become a bad person. Being influenced by your family does not mean you will never be able to break away from it.

Awareness is the first step to change! You mentioned some of your character traits in the article, but you can do better. Take a closer look at what other positive qualities you have. If you can't think of any for the time being, ask your close family and friends for their opinions.

For example, when you ask for help online, you are already taking the first step to facing your problems head-on and finding positive solutions!

I really hope that the questioner will shift their focus from their parents to themselves. I truly believe that adversity can also bloom into something beautiful!

Good day.

It is unfortunate when a marriage-why-is-it-so-difficult-14622.html" target="_blank">woman marries a man but then consistently rejects him.

"I feel so uncomfortable being caught in the middle." I also read this to mean that I am sometimes like my mother and sometimes like my father, but neither the impatient nor the nice guy is what I want.

As we gain further insight, it becomes increasingly evident that their approach has had a profound impact on me. This inevitably leads to a period of introspection and self-reflection, during which self-loathing may emerge as a challenge.

As we gain further insight, it becomes increasingly evident that their approach has had a profound impact on my perspective. At this juncture, it is inevitable that we will confront feelings of self-criticism and may have to address them for an extended period.

It is important to note that the more one resists, the more painful the experience may become. However, from an awakened perspective, it is understood that perseverance is crucial, even when faced with significant challenges.

What is the recommended course of action?

What changes can be made to the way you resist?

What changes can be made to the resistance strategy?

First, let us identify the areas in which the mother is deficient.

She lacks the cultural background to support her personality.

Is it necessary for the questioner to accept the mother's shortcomings in this regard?

In today's society, are there any avenues for the questioner to enhance their cultural literacy? (It is not advised to take a variety of courses, select a course of interest, and pursue personal development.)

Subsequently, the reading volume will gradually increase.

As a member of this family, you are aware of your responsibilities and are eager to improve communication with your parents to enhance their relationship. It is important to note that this does not imply a need for you to shoulder all the burdens.

Epigenetic genes can be passed on to children and are an ability to adapt to the environment. If the questioner alters their current circumstances, future generations may exhibit genetic traits consistent with historical lifestyles, such as those observed during the Zhou Dynasty, the Spring and Autumn Period, the Warring States Period, the Tang Dynasty, and the Song Dynasty.

In light of these considerations, the onus is on you to take the initiative and exercise your right to choose in the new era.

Good day, question asker!

From your description, I sense that you may be experiencing feelings of helplessness, anxiety, and depression.

From your description, it seems that your mother may be the stronger person in the family, using her own standards to judge everyone.

It seems that your mother may have some reservations about your father and his relatives. She often expresses her opinions in front of you and your brother.

Her words and actions may sometimes make you feel a bit bored and stressed.

Additionally, your father may also mention your mother's shortcomings in front of you. It's also possible that your father and mother may engage in heated discussions in front of you, which could potentially lead to your mother being treated in a way that you find upsetting.

His behavior may be causing you some discomfort and distress.

To summarize, it appears that your parents' long-term patterns of interaction and communication may have influenced your thoughts, emotions, and behavior patterns. However, it seems clear that their words and actions have had a negative impact on you, and you wish to make changes.

Perhaps it would be helpful to demonstrate that you are a reasonable and wise person.

You also mentioned that you have tried on numerous occasions to communicate with your parents in the hope of fostering a more peaceful environment, but unfortunately, these attempts have not borne fruit. In my view, you have already fulfilled your responsibilities as a child.

It might be helpful to remember that parents' emotions and communication styles are their own life issues. Perhaps it would be beneficial for them to find the answers themselves.

If we wish to change ourselves, we might explore the following points:

1. It might be helpful to allow yourself to be imperfect. You might find it beneficial to try to love yourself with all your heart and find the sparkle in yourself.

I believe that taking care of yourself is the best way to prepare for the future.

2. You might try telling yourself that your parents' arguments are none of your business and that you are not responsible for their conflicts. From your description, it seems that one of the reasons your parents argue is because they have different world views.

It would seem that, as children, there is little that can be done to help them improve in this area.

3. Consider ways you might improve the area you're working on. For instance, if you're struggling with impatience, you could try taking three deep breaths before speaking up.

I hope these suggestions are helpful.

Hello, I am a heart exploration coach, here to offer you a warm and compassionate presence as you share your emotional experiences.

Take a moment to acknowledge any concerns or discomfort you may have about your upbringing. It's important to recognize that your parents' interactions, including any instances of criticism or conflict, can have a lasting impact on you. Similarly, it's crucial to acknowledge any experiences of neglect, abuse, or violence, whether directed towards you or your loved ones.

Their respective patterns and the way they interact with each other can sometimes make you feel a bit down, and even lead to a sense of self-denial and self-doubt. A lack of a sense of self-worth can sometimes make it difficult to see a future and happiness of your own.

It is possible that the power struggle between parents may be reflected in their children, who may experience feelings of being torn between two sides and doubting that everything is their fault.

Perhaps we could take a look at the problem together, starting with a warm hug?

1. Everyone has their own patterns, and these patterns can influence relationships.

As previously discussed, the father's reserve and kind nature, the mother's impatience and assertiveness, your efforts to please and self-criticism – these are all patterns that are a part of you and that you have brought into your family relationships.

It is possible that these patterns, whether behavioral, emotional, or cognitive, have been helpful to us in the past. For example, a mother's accusations and complaints may help to reduce the pressure of responsibility she feels, while a parent's reticence could provide a temporary sense of security.

Our lives today are shaped by our past actions, and our actions are influenced by our thoughts. Whether or not to do something is often determined by our thoughts.

Our thoughts influence our actions, and our actions can lead to the formation of habits. In other words, our lives are shaped by past habits. If you are not fully satisfied with your life and want to make positive changes, it may be helpful to consider breaking some of your less constructive habits from the past.

One way to change is to become aware of your respective patterns and the patterns of your interactions. Seeing allows you to make new choices and become more free. Awareness can lead to change, and change is a new choice after seeing.

It could be said that the first step towards change is to "see".

It can be challenging to feel worthy of love and belonging when we lack a sense of self-worth. This can lead to feelings of unworthiness and a lack of deservingness, which can manifest as self-negation and self-doubt.

It might be helpful to think of self-worth as a subjective judgment of one's own value, rather than an objective one.

It can be challenging when a person is unsure of their own value and tends to attack. They may be self-doubting, even when others are not doubting them. They may have a tendency to think that they are not good enough. If you find yourself engaging in self-attack (hating yourself) in your parents' power struggle,

It is worth noting that severe self-attack can potentially lead to depression. Depression can be seen as a result of an internal attack.

Depression can manifest as a persistent internal voice that criticizes and doubts oneself, leading to a sense of unworthiness and incompetence.

It is possible to choose to "detach" yourself from your parents when they are arguing. It is important to remember that the state of the marriage and the couple's mode of getting along are their business. It may be helpful to view the mother's complaints as her own dissatisfaction with the marriage and her partner, rather than as a reflection of your own actions.

?2. Everyone has their own life lessons, and it would be beneficial to identify these in your relationship with your parents and work on them in a conscious manner.

Despite your best efforts at mediation and reconciliation, it seems that your attempts have been in vain. As the old saying goes, "We cannot wake someone who is pretending to be asleep." Intimate relationships are a complex and challenging aspect of life, and it's important to recognize that they are a journey that each individual must navigate on their own.

It is important to accept your parents' imperfections. They are human beings, just like us, and they have their own struggles and emotions. They may not always know how to express their love or vent their emotions, and they may not realize that a good intimate relationship is one of the best gifts they can give their children.

It is thought that a person's patterns may be influenced by a number of factors, including their growth experiences, living environment, education, and what they observed or learned from their parents or original family.

From your relationship with your parents, you may be able to discern your own patterns and the way you interact with them, and perhaps even identify some important lessons in life that are unique to you. It could be that these lessons are about courage and confidence, or breakthrough and compassion.

Sometimes, we can gain new insights into our parents by viewing them from the perspective of an outsider. The truth can emerge when we examine things from different angles, create a psychological distance from our parents, and reclaim the initiative and choice in our lives.

You may find it helpful to look into the books "Fly Like You to Your Mountain" and "Beyond the Original Family." They explore the influence of the original family on the self and how to achieve transcendence.

Parents are our original family, and we are the original family of the children to come. We can all benefit from learning from others, as it helps us to improve ourselves. We can also learn from the marriage of our parents.

I hope these words are helpful to you. The world and I love you.

If you would like to continue the conversation, please click on "Find a Coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom of the page. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

It's hard to see the questioner's problems when her parents have very different personalities. They fight all day long. The questioner might wonder why other families get along so well, while hers is full of fighting.

The questioner's mother often scolds her in-laws at home. Even if they are not good, they are still her family. The questioner's father either endures it or treats her coldly. A person's character is influenced by their upbringing, the people they meet, and the education they receive. If the questioner's mother was told to be perfect when she was growing up, she would have high expectations of herself. When she sees something she doesn't like, she would demand that others follow her standards.

She feels this way about her in-laws. She's not targeting one person, but the whole family. She thinks her issues with your father are caused by the in-laws. She doesn't realize she should change the most. She's preventing your family from getting along.

It's hard to be in the middle. How do I handle my relationship with my parents?

Admit you can't do everything. Parents should face and solve problems.

The questioner is sad when she sees her parents get along. They are her parents, and she wants to go home to them when she is tired and sad. But if they keep getting along, she will become more reluctant to go home.

The questioner has tried to communicate with her parents, but they are both unwilling to change. No matter how much communication there is, it will be ineffective. The questioner has done her best to help them, so accept your own abilities. You cannot solve their problems in an instant.

Their relationship has become problematic. The mother is demanding, and the father is uninvolved. This is the father's responsibility. He should provide a harmonious family atmosphere.

The wrong way of getting along needs help from a professional.

The questioner's mother blames her in-laws and her father responds with cold violence. This is a way for the questioner's father to attack your mother. The questioner's mother hopes to vent a few more times and that your father will solve the problem. But your father won't argue with her or solve the problem.

Your mother brings up old issues and argues when she gets emotional. This is a cyclical problem. You and your parents cannot resolve your family conflicts alone. You need professional help.

Professionals can help parents see the problems they and their children have. If they work together, they can find solutions and have a better relationship.

Learn to separate from your parents.

The parents' problems are their own. You have done your best to help the questioner, but they are unwilling to accept advice. We cannot choose our parents, but we can choose our life. It is important to learn to separate from our parents.

First, we are ourselves. We have our own thoughts and opinions. Then, we become our parents' children. Our parents' way of getting along with each other may affect us, but we must learn to prevent this from affecting our future relationships.

"Intimate Relationship Management" and "It's Not Your Fault" are recommended to the original poster to learn what a healthy relationship is and to learn how to care for yourself. According to Kristin Neff, self-care means taking care of yourself, just as you would a friend in trouble. See your own needs and let yourself become the person you want to be.

I hope this helps the original poster. Best regards.

Hello, question asker. I can see you're feeling confused right now. I'm here to support you!

What you're going through is pretty typical for families. I'm here for you if you need anything.

I totally get where you're coming from.

Every time your parents have a disagreement, you're stuck in the middle, making it even more challenging.

The original poster, you only need to know one thing.

There are only three things in this world that we humans deal with in our lifetime: our own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven.

The above concept comes from the book A Thought Turned Inside Out.

So, your mom and dad fighting is really their own business.

Plus, they've already learned how to handle their conflicts.

Next time you hear them arguing, you can choose to leave the room.

If you get the chance, go outside for a bit. A slow walk around the neighborhood for an hour or two might be just the thing.

By the time you get home, your father will have forgotten what he wanted to complain about.

If you think it would help, you could also look for a professional counselor.

A consultant can give you useful advice from a third-party perspective, without being too critical or objective.

I really hope you can resolve the issue you're having soon.

That's all I can think of for now.

I hope my answer was helpful and inspiring. I'm the respondent, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world. Best wishes!