I feel so guilty about the death of a loved one that I can't let go. What should I do?

I think you are an amazingly filial and grateful child, and it is this incredible love for your grandmother that makes you feel guilty and painful. I am also grateful for your openness, so I will try to answer from the following aspects and hope it will be helpful to you.

I think there are three points that we can analyze together, and I'm really excited to dive in!

First, I think there's a belief in your heart that your "swearing" behavior as a child deeply hurt your grandmother.

Second, because you hurt your grandmother, you feel guilty.

Third, especially since Grandma loved me so much, I just couldn't bear to "hurt" her!

In my opinion,

First, your swearing was a behavior you displayed when you were very young and didn't know any better. You were just "curious," as you said, and your behavior was "unintentional" and "non-malicious."

Second, there are two fascinating possibilities for what your grandmother was thinking at the time. 1. She was in a lucid state of mind. If this was the case, I think she could tell whether you were playing or deliberately targeting her.

Once again, grandma's love for you is real, and so is your love for her! So, when we judge the actions of that young you with today's emotions and thoughts, it's unfair and biased towards that "little you."

So, the unintentional actions of that "little you" did not cause "harm" to your grandmother at the time, and there is no need to feel guilty. Go see her with the love you have for her!

In the end, I want to say that if Grandma had understood a little better, she would have been over the moon to have her favorite little grandson by her side every day! What do you think?

I wish you happiness, and I know that's what Grandma would have wanted too!

Good day, classmate. I can discern the confusion you are currently experiencing.

I empathize with your situation. Please accept this gesture of comfort from across the digital divide.

The subject wishes to apologize to the grandmother, but the opportunity has been lost, resulting in feelings of guilt.

It is my contention that your grandmother will forgive you for shouting at her when you were young, given that you were young and did not intend to cause her any harm.

One may choose to express their feelings of guilt towards their grandmother in a written format.

Indeed, the grieving process typically encompasses the following five stages:

The initial response to the loss of a loved one is often one of denial and isolation.

The second stage is anger.

The third stage is bargaining.

4.) Depression

5.) Acceptance

What is the underlying reason for your reluctance to inform your family of your desire to visit your grandmother's grave? Are you concerned that they will admonish you for this action?

Were you present at the funeral of your grandmother?

It is conceivable that you were too young to attend.

One potential solution is to organize a formal farewell ceremony with your grandmother.

It is only after a formal farewell to the deceased that one can more effectively confront the reality of their passing.

Additionally, the "empty chair technique" may be employed.

The "empty chair technique" involves sitting in a chair and imagining one's grandmother sitting in an empty chair. This allows the individual to verbalize their feelings, including any feelings of guilt, to the deceased.

In the event that one is uncertain as to the proper utilization of the aforementioned "empty chair technique," it is advised that one seek the guidance of a qualified professional counselor.

A 50% discount is available for students on the platform's counseling services. To qualify for this discount, students must complete an enrollment form and provide proof of enrollment.

It is my sincere hope that a solution to the problem you are facing will be found as soon as possible.

I have no further suggestions at this time.

It is my sincere hope that the responses I have provided will prove both helpful and inspiring to you. I am the solution, and I invest a great deal of effort into my studies on a daily basis.

At Yixinli, we extend our warmest regards to you and the entire world. Wishing you the best!

Hello, questioner!

I commend you for having such reflections and awareness.

Many people have regrets about their deceased loved ones and feel unable to let go.

If you think back to when you were a child, you undoubtedly hurt your grandmother.

I understand how you feel, and I'd love to chat with you. I can comfort and inspire you.

1. Look at the problem from multiple perspectives.

When we focus on the problem of hurting our grandmother, we naturally blame ourselves and feel guilty.

We have overlooked many objective factors, in fact.

You have taken care of your grandmother and given her your all.

Grandma knows this.

You were too young to understand swearing at the time. You were just curious.

When children are young, they do many things out of curiosity that they later regret or feel are inappropriate.

This is normal, so don't beat yourself up over it.

I am certain that she understands and does not believe that you are picking on her.

Everyone sees things differently.

Perspectives and perceptions are different.

For example, you may think that the harsh words you said hurt your grandmother, but she likely doesn't care.

Who hasn't been young?

Everyone has been young before, and there are bound to be immature and imperfect aspects. She probably didn't even care.

Now that you're in college, you can learn to look at an issue objectively, comprehensively, and from multiple perspectives.

When it comes to responsibility, there are three factors we all need to consider.

There are three factors to consider: self, situation, and other people.

We don't have to take all the blame on ourselves.

This is not an escape from responsibility. It is a more objective approach.

2. Write a letter to your grandmother and tell her what's on your mind.

When you're consumed by self-blame or guilt, write a letter to your grandmother and tell her everything you want to say.

This will help your emotions flow.

Or hold a small ceremony.

Read the letter aloud to your grandmother.

I am certain that even if we don't go to Grandma's grave, she can sense it and know what you're thinking. I am convinced that you didn't want to hurt her.

3. Grow better.

The past is set in stone. But your grandmother loved you, and I know she'd want you to be happy.

We must help our grandmothers get out of this distress as soon as possible because we love them and want them to live a good life and be happy.

I know my grandmother would want me to live a happy and contented life every day. It would be the best way to honour her memory.

You can take as much time as you need to let go.

Take the time you need to understand what this emotion is trying to tell you. This is your growth.

We will deal with similar things better in the future.

Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to be. This will help you move past any long-lasting emotions.

Share these.

Read The Power of Now and Allow Yourself if you want to know more.

Best regards!

Hello, I'm Fei Yun, a heart exploration coach.

I sense your profound remorse toward your grandmother. You were once young and misguided and did something disrespectful to her (shouting profanities). After you grasped the gravity of your actions, you felt anguish each time you reflected on it.

The past is in the past, and the "apologizing to your grandmother" incident is something you wish you'd done but didn't, which is causing you to feel guilty and blame yourself.

On the emotional scale, your grandmother is on the left, showing patience and love. On the right is you yelling at her and showing disrespect. Your grandmother's "weakness" has made you feel more guilty.

We should respect the elderly and love the young, and we should also care for and help the weak. However, your actions don't reflect this, and this has caused internal friction. There shouldn't be any conflict or contradiction, but you can't let go.

Here's something we need to think about. You're using your current knowledge to judge your past actions. When there's a conflict, it's natural. It's the same as judging your own behavior by the standards of an 18-year-old boy. For example, you might judge your current behavior by how you would have behaved at 18.

Conflict is when your brain struggles to reconcile different opinions. It's like trying to fit two different ideas into the same time frame. You've grown up and gained a lot of knowledge, and now you need to mature and embrace different opinions.

When you're faced with different opinions, you need to open up two different time frames. If the two opinions are different, all you have is confusion, which can motivate you to learn and embrace different opinions.

To get a sense of a person's intelligence, you just need to see if they can hold two very different opinions without it affecting the way they do things.

You should also think about creating a ritual to apologize to your grandmother. You mentioned paying tribute at her grave, which is a great idea. It's similar to the Qingming Festival, which is a day for expressing grief for departed loved ones and reconnecting with them through activities like "sweeping the grave" and "visiting the grave."

You can talk to your family about how you feel, which can help you feel less stressed. At the same time, you can get their support and understanding, and you can mourn together at her grave.

You can also use the "empty chair" method. Just place an empty chair in front of you as a symbol of your grandmother's identity. Then, apologize sincerely to the chair, expressing your youthful ignorance at the time, and gain your grandmother's forgiveness.

As you said, your grandmother loved you. She would understand that you were ignorant and unintentional, and if she were in heaven, she would forgive you and wish you a happy and blessed life.

Self-blame is dwelling on the past, but taking responsibility is about living in the present and facing the future. Be brave and take responsibility for your own life. Transform the love and thoughts you have for your grandmother into a strength that you can pass on to those around you.

This kind of love can be passed on to others.

I hope this is helpful to you. Best regards, [Your name]

If you want to keep the conversation going, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'll be in touch and we can keep growing together.

Hello!

From what you said, I can see you blame yourself, but you're also growing and taking responsibility. You're also brave for facing this problem.

What happened to make you feel this way? How long has it been?

When did you first feel this way?

How do you find the strength to come here when you're not feeling well? This is a great resource for you.

You used bad language when your grandmother was sick. You feel she might have been uncomfortable and that it might have made her condition worse. You feel so bad about it. Is that right?

You are now a responsible person with self-discipline and respect for others. Do you agree?

During the Haitong period, we didn't have any deep thoughts. I believe Grandma wouldn't blame you because she loved you the most!

You understand a lot of principles, but this knot in your heart has always been there. It's okay, take your time, everything will get better.

If a miracle happened and this feeling disappeared, how would you be different? What have you done to make it go away?

Who will notice?

Here are some tips to help you feel better.

First, learn to release negative emotions.

You've been carrying a lot on your mind since you were old enough to understand things. All that negative emotion is harming your body and mind. So I advise you to release your negative emotions. Only then can you relax and move forward.

Exercise releases endorphins that make you feel good and help you relax. You can also talk to someone or write a letter to your grandmother.

Then, get help from someone else.

Often, we are trapped by our emotions. Are they real, or are they just feelings? Many things are just our thoughts. What is the truth?

It's not as bad as we think. When we can't get out of our emotions, we can get help from others.

You can seek help from a professional counselor who will help you distinguish between facts and feelings. You can also seek help from a professional hypnotist.

You can say sorry to your grandmother during hypnosis. This will show you that she loves you.

Childhood events have had a big impact on you. You love your grandmother and have a positive outlook on life. You can adjust your state of mind by telling yourself your grandmother loves you. This can help you feel better.

You can also relax through meditation and breathing. When you feel this emotion again, let go and adjust.

We can solve our own problems. As long as we are willing to get a divorce and face that childhood incident, we will appreciate our grandmother's love.

Hello, questioner! I can tell you're feeling a lot of things you want to express but can't.

I've read it many times and want to know how long your grandmother's death has affected you.

How has this affected your life and studies? Is there something that happened recently that made you need to ask for help?

...someone who will listen to you slowly is needed for many details...

Guilt is a common reaction to the death of a loved one, especially if it was unexpected or after a long illness. This kind of grief needs to be dealt with well.

The death of a loved one is very sad, especially if they have been sick for a long time. You were young when you had to take care of your sick grandmother. I can imagine that your mother and family have also experienced a lot. Have you allowed yourself to release, express, and relieve these pressures?

It also strikes when a loved one dies, along with the pain of "loss," which is related to guilt.

I won't repeat what many teachers have already explained, but I'd like to share two ways to deal with grief.

The "empty chair" technique

This is a common form of counseling in the existentialist school. It is recommended that you do it with a counselor. The method is simple:

Sit in two chairs facing each other in a safe place.

Let yourself feel guilty and talk to someone you trust.

If a person stands out.

It could be your grandmother, the part of you that was there with her, your mother, or anyone else.

Then you can sit in one of the chairs and think about what you want to say to the other person. After you have finished, switch to the chair on the opposite side and think about how the other person will respond to you. Continue in this way until you feel that you have said everything you want to say and the other person has responded to everything you need to respond to. Then you can stop. (If it is too painful, you can stop at any time. This is why it is recommended that you do it with a counsellor by your side, so that when it is painful, there is someone there to accompany you and explore safely.)

The "empty chair" technique is good for people who feel a lot. It helps you release and express emotions. It also helps you understand your subconscious mind (especially with a counselor).

Write a book just for you and your grandmother?

Find photos of you with your grandmother and look at them. When you write about her, you'll understand and appreciate her more. You'll also be able to talk to her. When you write, you'll be able to say goodbye to her properly. You'll be able to tell her how much your mother and you miss her. You'll be able to tell her that all these times are memories of the family being together.

I don't know how you'll write this book, but I know you'll grieve. Grief is unavoidable and necessary. It helps us understand our loved ones. I hope you'll grieve with a counselor when you're ready.

Congrats!

Hello, I'm Evan, and I'm here to help!

Because of the innocence of youth, the questioner has done some silly things to her grandmother before she died, which has plunged the questioner into a state of grief and self-blame, unable to forgive herself for her mistakes.

First, give the questioner a big, warm hug and tell them everything is going to be okay! We all make mistakes, and it's okay to feel guilty about them.

The questioner is convinced that her lack of care for her grandmother during her final days and her harsh words caused her harm. This has led to feelings of regret and guilt.

Right now, the questioner is feeling regret and guilt, but there's no need to stay there! These negative emotions are affecting your current life, making you depressed, unhappy, guilty, and remorseful. It seems like the questioner is using his own suffering to mourn the dead, but there's so much more to life than that!

I've got some simple suggestions on how you can get out of that negative mood and feel great again!

You've got this! Don't blame yourself, accept your current emotions.

First of all, know this: the death of your grandmother was not caused by you, so you have absolutely no reason to blame yourself for it! When faced with the departure of an intimate relationship, it's natural to feel a sense of grief, especially if you feel you may have done something rude before the death of a loved one. It's completely normal to experience a strong sense of guilt and self-blame.

The end of an intimate relationship will bring the questioner grief, depression, and other negative emotions. But don't worry! You don't have to pretend to be strong. Allow yourself to grieve and allow yourself to suffer.

Embrace the challenges that have come your way. Allow yourself to feel the pain and guilt that come with it. If you can learn to accept your current emotions and embrace them, you'll find that your feelings of guilt won't be as strong.

It's time to prepare a farewell ceremony!

The death of your grandmother may have caused some trauma to the questioner, but these traumas will help them grow stronger! They may not have been significant at the time, but they will produce a self-blaming mentality at certain moments, especially when the questioner is depressed. The questioner's self-reported visit to her grandmother's grave will not help. My personal opinion is that the questioner can try to hold a personal farewell ceremony for her grandmother. The questioner can reveal her mistakes at the farewell ceremony for her grandmother and ask for her forgiveness. They can also think about what she would have said to the questioner if she were still alive!

I'm sure your grandmother will forgive you and let you live your life to the fullest! At the funeral, if you have any regrets or want to say anything to your grandmother, you should speak your mind. This is also a great way to release your emotions!

Seek help from a mental health professional—you'll be glad you did!

If you're feeling down and out and you just can't seem to get a handle on it, don't fret! You can find a professional counselor to share your feelings and express your negative emotions. The counselor will help you learn how to deal with your emotions and get out of the negative emotions.

Not everyone can get over negative emotions, but there are plenty of ways to cope! Sometimes we need professional help to deal with our emotions. Sometimes people also seek comfort in religion. All of these are totally acceptable!

Live your life to the fullest!

The dead are gone, and the living must go on living! The questioner must also take good care of themselves and live a good life during this period.

Guilt can be a real bummer, but there are ways to beat it! Try these tips to distract yourself from those negative feelings:

If certain things remind you of your grandmother, you can temporarily put them away and take them out again when you feel ready to face the death of your grandmother. This is a great way to deal with your emotions!

Forgive yourself!

Maybe the questioner feels like they've hurt their grandmother and can't forgive themselves. But here's the thing: when you're young, in an unfamiliar environment, and facing someone you don't know, it's totally normal to react more strongly than you intend.

It's totally normal and expected to make mistakes in such situations! The questioner can't pretend that nothing has happened.

Give yourself time to recover and forgive yourself! You'll see that someone else would have done the same.

I really hope my answer helps the questioner!

Hello there!

I'm a heart exploration coach, and I believe that learning is the treasure of the body.

From what you've told me, I can really feel how guilty, self-blaming, regretful, in pain and helpless you must be feeling.

I'm not going to get into all the details of how you're feeling because of your guilt towards your grandmother. But I'd love to give you three pieces of advice that I think could really help.

First, I suggest you try to understand yourself and accept your situation, my friend.

I know it might sound a little strange, but I really think that if you do this, it'll make your heart feel a little bit lighter. And I think that'll help you to think about what you need to do next.

You said you're a freshman in college. When you think back to when you were a kid and shouted at your grandmother and said some unpleasant things, you feel sorry for her because she loved you very much. Now that she's passed away, you feel these things have become irreparable regrets. You can't forgive yourself and are in pain. In fact, if someone were in your shoes, they'd likely be in the same situation. Anyone who knows how to be grateful and has hurt someone who loves them will feel guilty and self-blame. You're a grateful child and a sensible child, so it's understandable you feel so much guilt right now. You can try to understand yourself and comfort yourself by "seeing" that painful part of yourself that has regrets but doesn't know what to do for the time being. This will take your mind off it and allow you to think about other things. Otherwise, your mind will be filled with all kinds of negative emotions.

It's so important to try to understand yourself and accept your current situation if you want to change it. I know it might sound a bit contradictory, but it's true! Change is all about allowing for non-change.

Secondly, I'd like to suggest that you take a moment to view your own state in a rational way.

Because when you think things through, you'll understand yourself and reality better.

To rationalize, there are just two simple things you can do:

First, remember that everyone makes mistakes because nobody's perfect. Kids, especially little ones, are even more likely to make mistakes, and that's okay!

You mentioned in your description that when you were a child, you liked to shout swear words around the house, even at your grandmother. I don't think you meant to hurt her, though, because you were young. I'm sure you didn't mean any harm! We all do things when we're young that seem wrong when we grow up. When you understand this, your mood may be better.

It's so great that you're aware of the problem now that you're all grown up. You're already taking the first steps to make a change. It also shows that you're a motivated and kind person.

Secondly, remember that you have the power to change the situation because you can change.

Once you've taken the first step, you'll see that your feelings of guilt towards your grandmother will slowly start to fade away. You'll also notice a lovely improvement in your mood! It's so important to recognise your own strength, as well as the power of time.

Thirdly, I suggest you focus on yourself and think about what you can do to feel better. You've got this!

For example, you can try the empty chair therapy and diary therapy. It can be really helpful to speak or write to an empty chair or in a notebook about the things you want to say to your grandmother to express your guilt. Even though your grandmother is no longer with us, it can be so healing to pour out your feelings.

I know it's tough, but you can also think about it this way: your grandmother loved you, so she wouldn't blame you for shouting at her when you were a child and didn't know any better. I don't think so, because your grandmother knew you were just a child and wouldn't blame you. And if she could know that you feel so guilty, it would make her feel bad inside. She just wants you to let go of the past and live your present and future well. People who love you will be tolerant, forgive you, and understand you. After thinking about this, your mood may also improve.

You might also want to visit your grandmother's grave. This may not help her, since she can't hear you, but it might help you. It's a way of facing your inner pain head-on, and that's how you'll find relief. It might also help you feel better.

You can also talk about these things with a trusted friend or family member. It can be really helpful to talk things through with someone you trust. They might be able to give you some advice or understanding, which could help you to feel more in control.

I know it can be tough, but when you start to take action, the various negative emotions in your heart will naturally be resolved slowly. Believe me, I've been there, and I know that sometimes the enemy of various negative emotions is action.

I really hope my answer helps you! If you'd like to chat some more, just click on "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" at the bottom and I'll be happy to talk to you one-on-one.

Grandma has passed away, and I feel guilty about my deceased relative. I cannot let go. It is heavy to have such feelings weighing on your heart, hovering around and affecting you every day. I will help you cope with the difficulties you are facing.

1. Those who love you want the best for you. The best way to make amends is to remember.

From the message, it's clear you cared deeply about your grandmother when you were growing up. You think about everything you did for her and feel guilty and sorry for her.

Grandma would feel sorry for you if she knew about all this.

Your youthful mistakes are yours to own. As you grow up, you will experience some innocent and ignorant times, just like when you might have yelled out swear words out of curiosity.

From an old person's perspective, what she sees is her immature grandson or granddaughter playing a childish game.

It is important to recognize that phenomena are viewed from different perspectives. We must be aware of our own perspective and consider the other person's perspective as well.

Change places. If you love someone, you want them to be healthy and happy, not live in constant guilt.

Similarly, when we feel guilty towards someone, we must not punish ourselves. Instead, we must consider how the relationship can be different because of what we have done. And for the deceased, this part is to commemorate and remember.

You can keep your grandmother's memory alive by remembering the good things about her, being grateful for everything she did, and sharing stories about her life with your family or future generations.

2. You must give yourself a ritual farewell and settle the debt in your heart.

The past is the past. It cannot be changed, but we can make a different choice in the present.

Speak to your grandmother from the heart as the naughty child you once were. Tell her you have grown up, understand her love for you, and appreciate all the good things she has done for you. Admit your guilt about the things you did to her when you were young. Take your child self with you and apologize to your grandmother.

An apology doesn't change the past, but it shows you care about your grandmother and want to stay connected to her.

You can create a powerful farewell ritual with your grandmother by writing a letter and burning it, composing a tune, or drawing pictures to express your apologies and grief.

I am confident that the above sharing will inspire you.

I am a psychologist, not a human nature expert. My focus is on the human heart. I wish you well.

Good day, question asker.

I am deeply moved by your regret for your past actions. I would like to extend my support and comfort in this difficult moment.

You were once young and lacked the experience and knowledge that you have gained since then. Perhaps because your grandmother was bedridden and needed constant care, you said something when you were young. You remember the content of those words, and you feel that they may have hurt your grandmother. However, it is important to understand the context and motivation behind your actions. Was it because your grandmother could not interact with you, could not play with you, or for some other reason?

Please clarify whether your intention was to cause distress to your grandmother.

For those who are innocent, it is possible that you were unaware of the consequences of your actions at the time. This is often related to age. A child may not be able to distinguish the impact of their actions. If you were to reflect on your childhood self from an adult perspective, this would be a misstep in itself.

If you were in that situation now, would you say those things? It is therefore important to reconcile with your past self. If you had been aware of the true meaning of those words at the time, or could have accurately distinguished right from wrong, you would not have used such language.

It is possible that you feel as though you are being absolved, but this is not the case. Being absolved means escaping from your mistakes, but you are not doing so. You are deeply remorseful for your mistakes, and you are not escaping. You wish to repent to your late grandmother, but this is not an absolution.

It requires considerable courage to confront your past mistakes directly. You are doing an admirable job, and if your grandmother were aware of your actions, she would likely be quite disconcerted.

If you wish to offer a sincere apology to your grandmother and arrange to meet with her, you are encouraged to visit her grave and speak with her in person. Alternatively, you may choose to write down your thoughts and burn them as a gesture of remorse. This act may help you move forward from past mistakes.

I hope this information is helpful to you. Best regards,

Hello, classmate! I can see that you are feeling deep remorse and self-blame for your thoughtless actions as a child that hurt your grandmother. Now that she has passed away, you are unable to forgive yourself. I understand your pain and the unexpressed thoughts and love you feel. Let me try to analyze your inner pain with you, okay?

I don't know how long it's been since your grandmother passed away. It could have been just recently, and you're still experiencing the pain of losing her. Or it could have been a while, and you still haven't been able to let go. Either way, I'm here to help!

Your bedridden grandmother has been taken care of by your mother and you, and you've been there for her every step of the way! She may have liked you when she was healthy, but you were too young to remember. You only remember when you were a child and were left alone to take care of your grandmother. Maybe it was out of curiosity, and I liked to shout dirty words loudly in the house alone. I vaguely remember that sometimes I even shouted at your grandmother. You probably thought your grandmother was a vegetable and had no perception, so you shouted at her!

I don't know how old you were at the time, but I imagine you were probably about seven or eight years old, which is a bit of a nuisance. We often say that ignorance is bliss, and your grandmother probably really didn't sense anything. Even if she did, I'm sure your grandmother, who loved you, wouldn't blame you. You can let go of the guilt and move forward with a clear conscience!

Psychologically speaking, a person's life is an incredible journey of growth and transformation. As we embark on our path towards maturity, we will encounter many losses and gains, and the exhilarating process of losing and gaining again.

It's like when you graduate from kindergarten and go to primary school. You lose a lot of the joy of childhood, but you also learn how to study. Losing a loved one can be too painful, but it also gives us the chance to learn and grow. Psychology has a concept of mourning to help us accept reality as it is and then achieve spiritual integration.

I'm so excited to tell you all about this amazing concept I've learned about! It's called "integration of the soul," and it's a process that helps you achieve a more mature state of mind.

You're in university now, which is fantastic! It's great that you're so self-aware, even though you have memories from childhood. It's natural to feel a little remorseful and guilty about the pranks you played as a mischievous teenager. But you were young then, and you've grown so much since then! If you want to gain a sense of peace of mind from the painful emotional experience of mourning, the best way is actually to learn from the pain of losing a loved one. This will help you establish an emotional connection with your grandmother's spiritual qualities and the people associated with them, such as your mother, the best things your grandmother did, or the souvenirs she left you. Love your mother, find the good qualities of your grandmother from your mother, express your love and thoughts for your grandmother, or take the opportunity of Qingming Festival or other festivals to pay tribute to her. This will help you complete a complete spiritual mourning!

I truly believe that your beloved grandmother will sense it! Freud said, "A good mourning process can enrich the mourner's heart in the future."

Absolutely!

Dear questioner, My name is Annie.

From your question, I sense a desire to apologize to your grandmother. You wish to express your regret for past actions, yet your grandmother has passed away, leaving your unfulfilled wish unresolved. This may intensify your feelings of guilt.

You wish to visit your grandmother's grave to apologize, but you are unsure how to explain to your family why you were prevented from doing so. Consider offering the questioner a comforting gesture.

From what the questioner has said, I can sense your kindness. It seems that you feel guilty about your words to your grandmother when you were a child. The fact that the questioner is aware of this problem means that you have grown up and are no longer the person you were in the past.

You are working hard to mature yourself, so it would be beneficial for the OP to consider ways to overcome obstacles and address feelings of helplessness and frustration that may hinder personal growth. Attempting to resolve immediate challenges can often lead to a sense of accomplishment and resilience.

I would like to offer a few suggestions for the questioner to consider:

First and foremost, it is important to recognize that making mistakes is a natural part of life. What truly matters is the opportunity to learn and grow from these experiences.

The questioner said that when you were young, your grandmother doted on you very much. Later, your grandmother fell ill, and you had the opportunity to take care of her. However, out of curiosity, you said inappropriate things in front of your grandmother. It would be helpful to understand whether the questioner said these words deliberately to someone at the time, or whether it was because it seemed that saying such things could attract the attention of others.

Although the questioner now realizes that the words were inappropriate at the time, I believe your motive for saying these words was not to embarrass people, but out of curiosity.

Perhaps we could consider this from another perspective. It seems that you feel you made a significant mistake in the past because you would not act in the same way now. However, the questioner is now in college, so would you ask your past self to have the level of a college student?

While the original poster is aware that his actions were inappropriate, he may not have fully grasped the gravity of the situation at the time. However, as a result of his misstep, he has gained a deeper insight into the potential harm caused by words. Compared to his peers, he has already shown a more profound level of self-awareness.

Perhaps the best way to gain the strength to become a better self is to forgive the past self.

Secondly, it might be beneficial to visit your grandmother's grave and share your thoughts with her.

The questioner expressed a desire to visit his grandmother's grave, but was uncertain as to the potential benefits and was reluctant to share the reasons behind this desire with his family.

I believe it may be beneficial for the questioner to consider visiting his grandmother's grave to express his apologies. While it is important to forgive oneself, taking tangible action can help alleviate feelings of guilt that may persist.

It might be a good idea to go to your grandmother's grave and talk to her. You don't have to apologize, but you could let her know how well you're doing and share some of your achievements. She was a very loving grandmother, and it would mean a lot to her to hear about your life.

Thirdly, it may be said that the love bestowed upon us by our deceased loved ones does not remain confined to the past, but rather continues to live on in our hearts.

It's possible that the original poster feels the past self didn't fully understand how to reciprocate or appreciate the love received, which led to feelings of regret later on. However, it's also worth considering that the love your grandmother had for you at the beginning planted a seed of kindness in your heart, which has since grown and flourished. Now, it's a time to share and spread this love.

For the deceased loved ones, we will keep their love in our hearts, remembering each of their actions, as if we could converse with them. Over time, we may gradually begin to discover the true self within.

If we are open to taking the first step to find solutions, we may find that the path to a fulfilling life will also open up.

I wish you the best of luck!

I initially declined to respond, as numerous colleagues have already provided a plethora of recommendations. However, I have encountered a comparable situation, and thus, I am compelled to offer insights drawn from my own experience.

I once found it challenging to accept the death of my grandfather and even resented his children and daughter-in-law as a result. My grandfather died in an accident that could have been prevented.

I was raised by my grandparents during my formative years, and my grandmother passed away prematurely, resulting in a significant psychological impact during my childhood. My grandfather's untimely demise continued to exert a profound influence on me as an adult.

During the National Day holiday, I returned to my hometown to visit relatives. I had planned to bring my grandfather back with me, and he had already packed his bags. However, due to the persuasion of my aunt, he did not go. As a result, an accident occurred on October 23, and he died despite rescue attempts. Even before the rescue, there were multiple voices discouraging the rescue.

At the time, I was still breastfeeding and had two children with me, so I did not have the opportunity to shed a single tear during the funeral. After returning home, I immediately resumed my work responsibilities, and my husband was unsure of how to provide comfort.

During the commute to and from work, I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I nearly caused an accident on several occasions.

It was only after a considerable interval that I was able to engage in introspection regarding my grandfather's demise. In addition to the inherent sadness, I experienced a profound sense of remorse, feeling culpable for not insisting on bringing my grandfather back on National Day and for my grandfather's children for their perceived failure to provide adequate care. Once the floodgates of emotion had opened, my husband remained uncertain about how to provide solace, even going so far as to disregard my emotional state. At that juncture, I found myself contemplating the possibility of a divorce.

Furthermore, I allotted myself a period of one month to facilitate my adjustment. In the event that I was unable to overcome my feelings, I would pursue a divorce.

During this period, I reflected extensively on my shortcomings in not providing sufficient care for my grandfather. However, as I gradually became more composed, I considered my grandfather's expectations of me and the potential challenges my mother might face if I did not lead a fulfilling life. Given that she had already lost her father and mother, I recognized the importance of ensuring a stable and supportive environment for her. After contemplating these aspects, I gradually reached a state of reconciliation with myself, striving to embrace my imperfections and recognize the need for continuous self-improvement.

Regardless of the specific actions or inactions that may have contributed to the situation, the immediate family is of paramount importance, including the individual in question. My grandfather, who had been single for twenty years, had lived entirely for his children and grandchildren for those twenty years. With his passing, he was also somehow relieved.

All the people he cares about should live well and love each other to provide him with peace of mind. Subsequently, I experienced intermittent mood swings and a subsequent breakdown, yet the responsibilities of marriage continue to expand. To love and be loved by the people you care about, you must become stronger and stronger.

The process may have been challenging, but it is evident that suffering is a catalyst for growth. Numerous celebrities have articulated that growth is not possible without experiencing pain.

In retrospect, I acknowledge that I was also somewhat unfair to my husband during that period. Primarily, he lacked the requisite skills to provide effective comfort, and secondarily, he was unable to fully empathize with my situation. Additionally, I recognize that I did not adequately express my feelings to him.

The aforementioned experience is offered for the purpose of sharing and is hoped to prove beneficial to others. It is my sincere hope that the future will be bright for you and that you will not allow yourself or those who love you to be disappointed.

It has become a valuable practice to share insights. I am engaging in introspection.

Furthermore, your statements prompt me to reflect on my own experiences with my grandmother.

Dear Grandma, It has been more than two years since you passed away. During this time, whenever I am feeling unhappy at night, I find myself thinking of you. I experience a sense of longing and a feeling of stuffiness in my nose. Sincerely, Your Grandchild

From my earliest recollections, I have always perceived that my grandmother experienced a lack of happiness throughout her life. During her era, the economy was unstable, resources were scarce, and there were many children. The family struggled to meet basic needs, let alone expectations for quality of life. As the times changed, people's lives improved, and the food, goods, clothing, and housing became more refined. However, my grandmother's character remained influenced by a focus on frugality. When I started working, I would often purchase food or clothing for her. She would always express disapproval, but I knew she was genuinely happy. Seeing her grandson succeed and provide for her, she was naturally pleased.

The questioner references feelings of guilt, which resonate with my own experiences of remorse towards my grandmother. Today, we have the opportunity to open up and discuss our concerns in a constructive manner, which can facilitate personal growth and resolution.

In light of the feelings of guilt we experienced towards Grandma, it seems appropriate to begin with the last birthday she spent alive. I believe that the guilt was not only personal, but also a reflection of the collective guilt of our large family. The memory of this last birthday will remain a source of emotional distress for some time.

From my own perspective, I believe that my grandmother experienced some degree of regret on the occasion of her final birthday. At that time, her health was not as robust as it had been in the past, yet her appetite remained robust. Despite her inability to walk unassisted, she was still able to walk with minimal assistance.

In this situation, my uncles and aunts proposed not celebrating my grandmother's birthday. They believed she had difficulty walking and wanted to avoid making too much noise for her. However, we children felt she was at an age where celebrating her birthday was appropriate.

Our group of children and the older generation of the family held differing opinions on the matter. Grandma was a sensible individual who was aware of her strong opposition to birthdays. After repeated requests from Grandma, our group of children ultimately decided not to celebrate her birthday.

In that year, there was no family reunion on Grandma's birthday, as had been the custom in previous years. Similarly, there was no birthday cake. Instead, we simply returned to spend a meal with her over the weekend. At the time, we decided that if we could not celebrate her birthday that year, we would wait until next year and ensure that we gave her a birthday party with all the customary trimmings.

It is often the case that when one makes a wish, it will ultimately result in regret. In the following year, for example, Grandma did not live to see her birthday, and subsequently passed away.

The decision to hold a lively family reunion to mark Grandma's birthday has resulted in a persistent and troubling sense of guilt.

There is a possibility that it would have been preferable if, that year, we children had not listened to the adults and insisted on celebrating Grandma's birthday. However, this is merely a hypothetical scenario. The reality is that we did not celebrate Grandma's last birthday.

I do not believe that Grandma's spirit in heaven would hold us responsible for not being able to celebrate her last birthday with her. Even if we only had dinner with her that time, she may have been content. However, we cannot resolve this emotional dilemma.

I empathize with the original poster's feelings of guilt and regret. The original poster inquires about the best course of action.

I would like to take this opportunity to share a few of my own practices, which I hope you will find useful.

If you have any of your grandmother's belongings, retain one in your possession. When you miss her, retrieve it, examine it, and engage in conversation with it. (I have a mobile phone in my vehicle that belonged to my grandmother. I keep it in the car and retrieve it whenever I miss her. Examining it is akin to seeing her, and engaging in conversation with it is akin to having her sitting right in front of me. It greatly improves my emotional state.)

If you are unable to stop thinking about something, it can be difficult to cope. One solution is to write a letter to your grandmother on a piece of paper. Once you have finished, read it yourself and then burn it. When I miss my grandmother, I write her a letter, writing down everything I want to say to her. This helps me to feel better. However, I am unsure whether she will be able to read it, so I burn the letter once I have finished reading it.

Please find below a list of words to conclude this message.

In this life, we will inevitably experience a few regrets. It is precisely because of the imperfections in our lives that we strive to live more fully. Just as we may have regrets about the elderly, our hearts can sometimes feel weighed down and conflicted, and we may experience a sense of guilt. It is acceptable to reflect on these experiences, but it is important not to dwell on them excessively.

I believe that our departed loved ones will pardon us for any misgivings we may have left behind, because their greatest desire is to see us living a happy, joyful, healthy, and peaceful life.

Dear Student, I hope my reply will be of assistance to you.

While your grandmother is no longer alive, you still have memories of her. You feel guilty towards her, and seeking help from a professional platform is an important first step in making changes.

It is important to understand that there is no filial son in front of a bedridden old person for an extended period, particularly in the case of your grandmother. Throughout your upbringing, you and your mother have been responsible for the care of your grandmother for many years. It was a challenging and arduous task. At the time, you were still a child. Everyone desires to be in a happy and peaceful environment.

I believe that when you were younger, the release of those emotions was a genuine expression of your inner self, influenced by your environment. There is no blame to be placed on you. Had you not released them, I wonder what your current state of mind would be. Be grateful for your ability to save yourself and release your emotions in time. Grandma is no longer here, but she is in heaven and will undoubtedly bless you and understand you.

Your feelings of guilt towards her are also indicative of your compassion. You miss your grandmother, who has been unwell for a significant period of time. Your granddaughter has provided her with excellent care, ensuring she receives only positive experiences. Considering the circumstances of your granddaughter, who gave up her childhood to be with her, is highly emotional and cannot be adequately conveyed in words.

The circumstances at the time had a certain impact on your growth. It is not necessary to treat others as weak. Grandma was very strong inside. I'm sure that after so many years of overcoming illness, and with so much suffering and anguish, the care of her daughter and grandson brought her endless warmth. If it weren't for your care, she probably wouldn't have lived so comfortably, and she couldn't even take care of the simplest things by herself. In fact, she was already very peaceful, and she was happy and content inside, having received your care.

Furthermore, she does not want to see you burdened by such a complex situation. It would be beneficial for you to spare Grandma and spare yourself as well. It would be advisable to find the appropriate time to visit Grandma's grave and share your thoughts with her. It is important to express your feelings about her. You and your mother have been together for many years, supporting each other. You are closely connected to Grandma. She hopes you are happy, and your happiness is of great importance to her.

She wants you to live a happy life in this world because of the positive impact you have had on it.

Marty Horowitz offers a helpful framework for understanding the process of healing psychological trauma in humans, which he divides into five stages:

1. Crying. It is natural to feel a sense of disbelief and disorientation in the aftermath of an accident. It is not uncommon to experience a range of intense emotions, including panic, that can make it challenging to function normally. It is understandable that you might feel unable to work, go out, or socialize at this time. It can be helpful to find ways to express your emotions, whether through tears or screams.

2. Avoidance: We may find ourselves turning away from the world, avoiding reality, and struggling to accept the reality of our loss.

However, it is important to recognize that numbness and denial may serve as vital self-protection mechanisms in the face of overwhelming pain.

3. Intrusive memories. It is worth noting that memories can be quite powerful, and that avoidance may not be a sustainable long-term strategy.

It is likely that reality will eventually break through the blockade. Such "intrusive memories" can suddenly strike, causing people to feel pain.

4. It would be beneficial to understand the trauma. People often oscillate between the two stages of resistance and intrusive memories.

However, most people are able to find the courage to try to store trauma-related information in long-term memory, although the process can be challenging and requires a gradual approach. It is natural to remember some things and forget others along the way.

5. Heal the wounds. Over time, with repeated reflection and emotional release, we may gain a new understanding of the event that caused psychological trauma, and our emotions may become more balanced. We can then begin to move towards the beginning of a new life.

It is important to note that these five stages are not fixed, and not everyone will necessarily go through their own psychological journey in this order. However, they provide a helpful understanding of the psychological process of trauma to recovery. While the journey may be painful now, there will come a day when the pain is healed.

It seems as though you might be experiencing a fixation on your late grandmother. It's possible that you're in the process of trying to remember her, and that whenever you think of her, it evokes a sense of sadness. This could potentially become a source of depression over time. It might be helpful to consider that your thoughts about your grandmother are actually rooted in more than just her memory. You might find it beneficial to visit your grandmother's grave with your mother next year during Qingming to release the pent-up emotions in your heart.

Perhaps you could transform your longing for your grandmother into love for your mother and your own efforts for the future. As your grandmother said, she loved you most when she was alive, and you could treat your loved ones and yourself even better, so that your grandmother will also feel comforted. Since the person has passed away, we could try to live our lives even better, release our emotions, and then love our family members even better.

Guilt towards a deceased relative, inability to let go, and negative feelings are all indications of superego suppression.

When you were young, you did whatever you wanted, and your actions were driven by your own impulses.

As you grow older, your sense of morality and your sense of guilt both grow stronger.

Those irreparable regrets have become an indelible pain in the heart.

I am currently a freshman in college. My grandmother was bedridden due to a cerebral thrombosis when I was very young, so my mother often took me to care for her. I have no recollection of my grandmother being bedridden since I was little, so I was not close to her. However, my grandmother told me that when she was not yet suffering from a cerebral thrombosis, she loved me very much and I would smile at her when she picked me up.

You didn't live with your grandmother much when you were young. She's been bedridden since you can remember, so you weren't close to her.

Emotionally, you did not have a deep connection with your grandmother. You only had the perception of a family member because your mother often took you to visit her.

This perception was unilateral during your grandmother's illness.

And before Grandma got sick, her feelings for you were also one-sided.

You were too young, and she had a stroke, so there was no interaction between you.

Put simply, one person knows about and has feelings for another, while the other is unaware.

Your guilt likely stems from two sources:

One is out of affection for your mother. Your grandmother is your mother's mother, and you may feel sorry for your mother because you didn't do well.

Secondly, your grandmother told you that she loved you very much before she got sick, but you didn't love her back. This makes you feel guilty.

We will address how to resolve these two feelings of guilt at the end.

I often found myself alone with my grandmother, and at that time, I was curious about shouting dirty words. I would shout them loudly in the house alone. I even remember shouting at my grandmother. I was too young to understand the seriousness of the matter and the harm those words could cause to my grandmother's heart. Looking back on these things as an adult, I felt guilty and sorry for my grandmother.

You shout obscenities loudly in the house alone. I'm certain that your superego has been repressed very strongly since childhood.

Let me be clear: when you were a child, your elders did not allow you to swear.

You were curious and wanted to shout it out when no one was around because you weren't allowed to.

Your grandmother was already sick at that time, so you felt you could do as you pleased. You even dared to shout at her.

I believe the reason you yelled swear words was because you were expressing your grandmother's unconscious feelings.

Grandma has suffered a cerebral infarction, and her consciousness may be in a vague state. She may not be able to hear you shouting obscenities, but you have undoubtedly shouted out the relief she wanted to shout.

You should refer to the subconscious, synchronicity, and quantum entanglement on this point. We won't go into detail.

My grandmother is no longer with us, and I have no choice but to face the consequences of my actions. I feel immense guilt, particularly when I consider how much my grandmother loved me. I cannot and will not forgive myself.

I have also wanted to go to my grandmother's grave to pay my respects, but I know it would be pointless, and I don't want to tell my family the reason why I want to go. I feel really bad now, and I know I'm right.

Tell me what to do. Thank you.

After reading the above analysis, I am confident that you understand that your regret for your grandmother is more about morality than about feelings.

Using a sense of morality to force affection is like using the superego to attack the id.

You will understand the importance of family ties only after growing up and experiencing many people and things. You will feel grateful for the relatives who have been good to you and have not taken advantage of you. However, you must understand that the kindness of our loved ones is also a need of their own emotions. You do not owe anyone for this.

Your grandmother adored you when you were young, and you didn't realize it at the time. When she picked you up, you smiled at her, which was a great comfort to her and showed her how much you loved her.

Later, when your grandmother had a stroke and you went to take care of her, you yelled at her. She probably didn't understand that you were yelling at her.

The innocence of a child is present in the hearts of the elderly, even if they are only aware of it to a small extent. This quality is lovely and should not be suppressed as much as it is by adults.

If you still feel guilty and regretful, you can make amends.

Use your sincerity to help and give back to those who are as old as your grandmother.

You can be as sorry as you like for your grandmother, but that cannot replace the peace of mind that comes from treating someone like her with kindness.

This is the solution to feeling guilty towards your grandmother.

You can and should express your guilt towards your mother directly.

Your mother is your grandmother's daughter. Expressing your guilt towards your grandmother to your mother has two effects.

Effect 1: Your mother will understand that you feel sorry for your grandmother because you love her.

Your mother will also know that you want to make up for your regret towards your grandmother and she will accept it on her behalf.

I am confident that my answer will be of help to you.

I am Yan Guilai, a psychological counselor. Best regards!

Hello! You have a knot in your heart about your deceased grandmother. You know that she loved you very much, but during her illness, you did some childish things that you now think might have hurt her. You feel a sense of guilt and are suffering because of it. I understand you very well!

You must recognize the cause of your guilt.

You said you were not close to your grandmother, but your narrative shows otherwise. Your feelings for her run deeper than you realize.

You said you weren't close to your grandmother, but your words show otherwise. Your feelings for her run deeper than you realize.

Your mother often took you to visit your grandmother, and you later looked after her alone many times. It is clear that you were very close to her and often accompanied her during her lifetime. She must have liked you very much.

You said that when you were alone with your grandmother, you would shout swear words loudly around the house. Explain how you understood this behavior as a child.

You say it was out of curiosity, but you also sometimes shouted these words at your grandmother. You deliberately used this method to test her reaction. Is it possible that in your young heart, you hoped your grandmother would get up?

This kind of behavior may feel exciting and even a bit rebellious in your young mind, but it is not. In the eyes of adults, it is likely just a naughty child being naughty, so the harm caused to your grandmother is just your own idea.

Your grandmother likely died after you did something like this, which led you to associate your actions with her death. You feel responsible for her death, and this causes you to feel guilty.

It is likely that your grandmother died after you did something like this, which made you associate what you did with her death. You are responsible for her death, and you feel guilty.

You may also have longed for the love and affection of your elders. The death of your grandmother has made you feel that you will never find anyone in your life who can give you this kind of love and affection. This guilt is a kind of expression of nostalgia.

Say goodbye your way.

Tell her.

Your grandmother has been dead for many years, and you have been torturing yourself by keeping this feeling inside. It's time to say goodbye.

You have the choice of how you say goodbye to your grandmother.

See yourself in the crystal ball, looking out at the room where you took care of your grandmother all by yourself. You are in the room, and your grandmother is right in front of you.

You were just being naughty and shouting, but your grandma doesn't seem angry. She's lying there peacefully, smiling and looking at you lovingly. You know what you want to say to her.

Tell her what's on your mind.

Write a letter to your grandmother in heaven. Tell her how much you miss her, recount the mischievous things you did when you were younger, and express your innermost feelings.

You were Grandma's favorite person, and your bond was very deep. When you do this, Grandma in heaven will know.

You are someone Grandma liked, and your bond is very deep. When you do this, Grandma in heaven will know.

Do something practical.

Missing loved ones is a beautiful emotion. You can either keep it in your heart or turn it into motivation to do something good.

Grandma liked you so much, so you should live your life in a way that makes her proud. Think about what she would want from you, and then go out there and be the best you can be. This is a great way to honor her memory.

Your grandmother cared about your mother the most apart from you. Take good care of your mother and make your grandmother happy.

Your mother should miss Grandma the most. Talk to her about Grandma and let the love flow naturally.

Your love and memories will keep Grandma in heaven from feeling lonely!

I am Teng Ying, a psychological counselor, and I guarantee this will help!

I am Teng Ying, a psychotherapy listener, and I guarantee this will help!