I feel that I also have the right to be picky and make choices, but isn't it better to be a little more confused?

Hello, I'm Fei Yun, a heart exploration coach.

I can relate to your feelings. When interacting with others, challenges are bound to arise, as there will always be differences in opinion and approach. When we try to persuade someone, we often say, "Be more tolerant and less calculating." However, when we encounter a specific incident, we may find ourselves getting emotional, and either way, we may end up feeling the brunt of it.

Let's take a moment to embrace each other and engage in a thoughtful discussion about this topic.

? 1. Could I ask why we care so much? Is it perhaps unhelpful to care so much?

Perhaps the reason we are sometimes petty in relationships is because we care too much. It's possible that we don't get into conflicts with strangers because we know we have no relationship with them and there is no need to be petty.

From this, we can see that we are, in fact, tolerant and understanding, but also more judgmental, making decisions and actions that benefit ourselves.

It is often the case that relationships that we care about are with people we have a deep connection with, such as relatives, friends, and colleagues. Given that we have to spend a long time with them, it is understandable that the patterns we establish with each other will affect our relationship.

It could be said that "compensation" also reflects the closeness of the relationship and the depth of the feelings to a certain extent.

Furthermore, "compensation" can also lead to feelings of hurt in a relationship, particularly on a psychological level. To illustrate, my sister made a remark that I felt was hurtful, even though she did not intend it that way.

It is possible that being petty makes us emotional, but it is also possible that there is an unmet need behind the emotion. When we see this need, it may be helpful to try to receive the gift of emotion so that the emotion will go away peacefully.

Take a moment to reflect on your relationships and the instances when competing made you feel frustrated or disappointed. What were the needs you hoped to have met? Perhaps it was to be seen, understood, respected, trusted, noticed, accepted, or needed.

For this reason, awareness allows us to consider a wider range of possibilities. Recognizing what is happening can be the first step towards making a change.

2. Some suggestions on how you might like to consider increasing the energy of your spiritual practice.

Life is a practice, and maintaining awareness is a great way to cultivate high energy. It's helpful to be aware of your own patterns, including behavior patterns, emotional patterns, and thinking patterns.

It may be helpful to consider whether you are "looking outward" or "looking inward," whether you are "grateful/optimistic" or "complaining/pessimistic," and whether you are "internally attributing" or "externally attributing."

It is possible to cultivate oneself through relationships. Relationships last a lifetime, and in the process of getting along with each person, we may gain insights, draw conclusions, and accumulate experience.

It might be helpful to think of it this way: just as someone who has recently ended a relationship can benefit from reflecting on their own patterns and those of their partner, so too can we gain insights from looking back on past relationships. This can help us start new relationships with a more positive outlook.

"Everyone is here to help us achieve the important lessons in life." When we approach relationships with a "cultivation" mindset, we can see the aspects that are conducive to our growth, and we will continue to improve ourselves, becoming more grateful, tolerant, and compassionate.

It is also important to recognise that healthy competition can help us maintain our sense of boundaries, and avoid becoming blindly forgiving of ourselves.

I hope these ideas are helpful to you. I love you and the world. ?

If you would like to continue our dialogue, you are welcome to click on the "Find a coach" link, which you will find in the upper right corner or at the bottom of the page. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.