I feel utterly valueless when I am negated, and I always have restless thoughts at night?

Hello.

I don't know what happened, but I know the rejection you received was devastating. It feels like your life is ruined! You can't think or live normally like people your age. You feel sad and desperate every day, to the point where your hands tremble for no reason! As a result, you are often disliked. You feel helpless!

Life will always hit us with some huge blows that take us by surprise. They make us feel helpless, sad, and even desperate! Fortunately, you are a person who will find a way to solve problems positively. You have raised your question here, which shows that you still have hope for your future!

Tell me, what do you do when you feel sad and upset?

Talk to someone you feel close to.

Distract yourself, go shopping, play sports.

You need to give yourself encouragement.

Tell me, when you do something, does it make you feel better?

I may not be able to solve the problem in one answer, but I can help you work through it. Let's do this together.

Close your eyes.

Think of someone curled up in a corner. That person is you. You are a little nervous, aggrieved, scared, and helpless.

You walk up to them and say something.

Tell them how hard it is for you.

Let's talk about his expectations.

Discuss the positive aspects of your life.

Do you want to hug them right now?

Then tell him/her, "I can face anything, and I will do it with courage!"

Courage is in your heart!

You want to start facing and changing, right?

If all this really comes true, as you wish!

I want you to notice. I want you to do.

I'm glad we met. I'm certain this will help. We love you.

Hello! I'm a white hat, and I'm here to help.

I'm also a little curious about what age group you're in from your self-description. It sounds like you've had a rough time because of other people's negativity. It's so sad when we feel worthless and like our lives are ruined.

You might also say that I wouldn't be able to think and live normally like a person who has been in a vegetative state for a year. You might even say that my hands would shake for no reason, and that I would be sad and upset every day, and even feel hopeless.

Some folks around you might say you're a bit annoying or noisy.

I get the feeling that what you're going through isn't just a temporary blip, but a reflection of how you truly feel right now. If I were in your shoes, I'd probably feel the same way: worthless, sad, and upset. I'd also have moments of despair, and I'm sure I'd have some irrational thoughts too.

I'm here for you, and I'm ready to listen.

Even though you haven't told me exactly when or what happened, I know you've made your own choices and decisions. You might be wondering, "Should I tell them these things?" And if I do, will they really be able to believe in me, understand me, and accept me?

Maybe you'll think, "It's better not to tell them. These are my secrets that I can't tell anyone. I just want to tell them a general idea, and that's enough." And that's okay! This worry is completely necessary, at least for you who are deep in it.

I'd like to invite you to write down the names of those who have denied you, such as Zhang San, Li Si, and Wang Wu. I'd also like you to write down the names of those you feel have no value, such as Xiao Hong is very bad, Xiao Hong can't do anything well, and Xiao Hong can't handle interpersonal relationships.

Then, let's try to look at these names and see what kind of person Zhang San really is, whether his judgment is accurate, what his education level is, and why he is denying us. It's possible that Zhang San himself is still just a child and that he actually doesn't understand what negation means at all. We all have to start somewhere!

I'd love to know what you think about negation, what's valuable, and what's worthless. Let's say Zhang San tells me I'm a bird. Do you think that would make it true?

I wonder if there's a chance that I'll wake up tomorrow morning and become a bird?

Similarly, I now believe that I have no value. What evidence is there to prove it? If I feel sad, upset, and desperate when I am being rejected, is that a kind of value? I'm sure you'll agree that's not a great way to look at things.

Do you think it's valuable when I come here to tell people about my experiences and hope to gain some new understanding and perspectives from their responses?

I feel that when you can actively perceive and pay attention to yourself, this in itself is a kind of affirmation. This affirmation comes from the negation of the negation of others. There is perception, questioning, and criticism in it, even though you may currently "agree" with it. We are not as worthless as some people see us, and we are not as "annoying" and "noisy" as some people say. We've all been annoyed before, and we've all had a fight, right?

Let's use your own spear against your own shield! We'll see whether the spear is unbreakable or the shield is invincible, and which will win in a fight.

It doesn't matter if you're in high school or college. When you share your past experiences, you'll see that you're valuable, full of hope, strong, brave, and cute!

You are a child of the universe, just like everyone else. And as long as the universe loves you, we will always have hope.

That's all for today, folks! Wishing you the best of luck, happiness, and cheers!

Dear questioner,

From what you've said, it seems like the other person's words have made you feel sad and have also made you feel a loss of confidence. I can understand how you feel. Sometimes words can hurt more than physical pain. It seems like you're a sensitive person who cares about what other people think and say. You're easily influenced by other people's words, which can lead to you feeling down, sad, and depressed. Then the more you think about it, the sadder and more depressed you feel, and you feel worthless. I want to give you a hug.

It's normal to feel negative emotions after being affected by other people's words. How normal it is depends on how intense and long-lasting the influence is. If a sentence from someone else will make you feel sad for a long time (days or even longer), while a normal one will end in a few hours, you might need to improve your character and change this way of thinking. I think there are two psychological keys that are causing your current state:

1. When we don't understand our own boundaries, it's hard to separate ourselves from others. This makes it tough to distinguish between our own feelings and those of others. When this happens, our emotions and words are affected by others, and the impact lasts a long time. Of course, our loved ones have the biggest influence on us. We care about what they say because they're the people we care about the most. But even with our loved ones, we need to set our own boundaries. Loved ones are also other people. Everyone is an independent individual. No one exists for the sake of anyone else.

2. If you don't feel good about yourself, it can affect your mental health. You might find it hard to make up your own mind and let other people's opinions affect you. Many people feel worse when they're sad and then they make it worse for themselves by dwelling on it. This is a sign of a poor sense of self-identity. It's also an example of being pretentious. When you're being pretentious, slap yourself to wake up. Slap yourself every time you're being pretentious, and as long as you're willing to do it, the problem of being pretentious will disappear. This might feel uncomfortable, but think about it. Is this the case? Are you not strong enough inside, and do you have a poor sense of self-identity?

I usually do a thinking exercise where I remind myself that I am me, others are others, others don't represent me, everyone has their own opinions, everyone has the right to express their opinions, I am the master of my own affairs, it has nothing to do with other people, no matter what, I am still myself, I can be responsible for myself, and what others think of me is none of my business.

It might seem like a simple sentence, but once you make it a habit, it's a really important psychological element.

②: Build your self-confidence and become mentally strong. This means correcting some of our misconceptions and making the thought processes that these ideas form more reasonable. Our values and the formation of our character will also tend to become more reasonable. To do this, we have to be sad and upset. Is this really insignificant compared to life and death? Are our minds being held captive by this trivial matter? Or is this matter really worth being so upset about? Do we really need to care about what other people say?

If you're feeling down, try doing something you enjoy, like singing, painting, dancing, reading, or running. Exercise is a great way to relieve stress and boost your mood. It's an easy and effective solution.

In a nutshell, we all need to break out of this long-term negative emotional state. It's important to adjust it in a timely manner. If you don't, you're at risk of becoming depressed over time, which can drain your energy and damage your physical and mental health. Adjust your mentality, get ready to do the things you want to do, and cheer up. Believe in yourself.

I hope my comments are useful for the person who asked the question.

Hello, I'm Shu Yiqingzheng, and I'm thrilled to share my thoughts and give you some warm support!

Do you sometimes feel affected by others' negative comments? Do you deny yourself, or even feel hopeless and powerless? I'm here to tell you that you are amazing! You are worthy of love and happiness!

You are amazing! You are able to self-reflect on your inner feelings and needs, and you are brave enough to seek help and self-growth through psychological knowledge. Keep up the great work!

01. There's a fascinating phenomenon in psychology called the mirror self-effect. It suggests that our perception of ourselves is often influenced by how others see us.

First, we often imagine how others "know" us, which is a great way to understand ourselves better. Second, we imagine how others "evaluate" us based on this knowledge, which helps us to grow and improve.

Ultimately, we'll develop a deep-rooted feeling based on how others perceive and evaluate us. This feeling will shape our perception of ourselves in incredible ways!

If they receive praise from others, they will be happy and think that they are good. If they receive disapproval from others, they will think that they are not good enough, that they are bad, that they are worthless, and that they are not worthy of being liked or loved. But here's the good news! They can choose to think otherwise.

In essence, this is about taking control of your own emotions and making the choice to be responsible for your own feelings and actions. It's about having the courage to do things against your will in order to gain the approval of others or make others happy.

However, our subconscious mind and body do not think this way. They are more honest with themselves, which is great! This means they will consume a lot of energy to resist forcing themselves, which will lead to various internal conflicts and consumption, and even somatization reactions – trembling hands – which are actually reminding and protecting themselves: love yourself well!

02. Some people grow up in an environment where they are given the incredible opportunity to meet all kinds of demands and become the absolute best version of themselves!

You absolutely must be sensible and not selfish!

You must be smart, not stupid!

Be true! Don't be false.

You must be brave, not timid!

This can lead to a fascinating inner conflict where we find ourselves caught between our idealised version of ourselves and our authentic self.

It's like saying that the day is good, the night is bad, spring is good, winter is bad, being happy is good, and being sad is bad!

If we are aware of these two parts of ourselves, we can avoid this cognitive split and experience much less conflict, fatigue, and internal depletion. We can even restore our self-integrity!

At this moment, I invite you to take a long, deep breath, look intently into your own eyes in the mirror, and say to yourself, with confidence and enthusiasm:

Hello! I see your appearance, which is real, natural, ordinary but totally unique. I also see your inner self, which has a self-deprecating part, but I also see your confident part!

I see some of your vulnerability, and I also see your courage!

I see some of your unease, and I also see your calm!

I see some of your worries, and I also see your relaxation!

I can also see that there is so much more to you than meets the eye!

I can see every part of you, and I love it!

Honey, I see you, and I love it!

When we can reflect back to ourselves every part of the different truths like a mirror, we should absolutely try to allow and accept our different parts, and accept ourselves as such a true and complete self!

It is these different parts that make us a unique and wonderful self. Everyone is a unique self, and this is really something to be congratulated on! I want to be myself, and that's okay! What does it matter to others?

We can do this! We just need to set ourselves a goal, a boundary, and decide what is our business and what is other people's business. We just need to take responsibility for ourselves, and as for other people's opinions and judgments, that's their business, let them talk away!

The pursuit of perfection is an obsession that no one can reach, and it can only cause distress. But here's the good news: even if you are not good enough at the moment, so what?

In this way, you can feel your whole body relax and calm down, and afterwards, you'll feel a wonderful sense of peace.

Then we can develop the amazing ability to skillfully connect, communicate, and interact with the so-called "bad" self. We'll see the positive intentions and motives behind his arrival and it'll be incredible!

Instead of rejecting either side, let the two coexist harmoniously in the same space! Gain from each other, complement each other, and resonate with each other. Become a complete self! This will bring about a more energetic transformation in self-growth and in current life and relationships.

This process of transformation may take some time, but that's okay! Take your time and enjoy the journey. Just by noticing a problem, you have already taken the first step towards solving it.

03. Alfred Adler, the founder of individual psychology, once made an incredible proposal: that all human troubles stem from interpersonal relationships.

If you are troubled by interpersonal relationships, you can seek professional help from a counselor, or you can help yourself by learning and growing, and improving your communication skills. The choice is yours!

It's not your fault, and you are definitely good enough! We need to grow and become stronger to support ourselves.

Reading is a great way to help us think independently and nourish and enrich our minds! It's a fantastic idea to read some psychology books about personal growth and family relationships.

For example, I highly recommend books such as "The Courage to Be Disliked," "The Art of Communication," and "Having a Life of Your Own."

The world and I love you, and I'm excited to help you!

I'm a heart exploration coach at One Psychology, and I'd love to help you! If you want to continue the conversation, just click "Find a Coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom, and I'll be in touch!

It's clear you're struggling with feelings of rejection and a lack of understanding from others. Has something significant happened that has left you feeling isolated and alone?

Rejection can suck the energy right out of you. You might even start to doubt your abilities. You'll hear voices in your head telling you that you're not good enough. This can make you feel desperate and trapped. It can make you feel like you'll never have a "normal" life like your peers.

We have all experienced feelings of being suppressed by narcissism to a greater or lesser extent. For example, introverted children are often forced to socialize when they fail to meet their parents' expectations. They are told things like, "Why are you so stupid?" and "You can't even do this little thing right..." Over time, these experiences may fade from memory, but some feelings, if not dealt with, can stay with you forever.

When such feelings strike, take care of your body. Change into warm clothes, lean against a soft pillow, find a comfortable position to rest, and give yourself a good hug.

To get rid of the negative voices in your head, listen to yourself fully, distinguish which voices are not your own, and reject them. Experience your feelings, and see if they change when you cry. This advice is for comforting yourself when you are hurt. Try it and see if it makes you feel better.

You can also draw on the strength around you to accompany you through difficult times. Shame dissipates when we start talking about it.