I filed for divorce, and my husband said he would leave with nothing, how can I minimize the damage?

Dear Question Asker,

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a state of inner confusion and helplessness. Concurrently, you also possess a remarkable capacity for emotional perception, enabling you to discern these sentiments and courageously strive to identify solutions to the challenges you face.

From your description, it is evident that the circumstances of your upbringing have instilled a sense of insecurity and lack of confidence. You met your husband, who was 11 years your senior, at the age of 19. Your family circumstances were average, and your relationship with him was not particularly positive. You were employed in separate capacities, and you encountered someone who was kind and supportive, and was willing to wait for you. You have since become a mother and have secured employment, and you have proposed a divorce. Your husband has agreed to the divorce and is willing to leave the marital home without any belongings. You empathize with your husband and his parents, which leaves you somewhat uncertain. Is this an accurate assessment?

From your description, it is evident that you possess inner kindness, empathy, and a willingness to consider the perspectives of others. This may explain why you are experiencing a certain degree of emotional distress and are reluctant to inflict harm upon others.

It is not within our purview to pass judgment on your situation, given that we have not experienced it ourselves. However, it is evident that you have endured an intangible form of harm at the hands of your husband. Should you encounter an individual who is benevolent towards you and willing to assume responsibility, your decision will be vindicated.

Subsequently, following the proposal of divorce, the husband has indicated a willingness to depart from the marital residence with no material possessions. This suggests that he may have recognized the dedication and effort you have invested in the relationship and experienced remorse for the distress he has caused. Additionally, he has demonstrated a notable degree of flexibility and openness, which could facilitate a more constructive negotiation regarding the division of assets. It is also important to consider the potential benefits of a post-divorce amicable relationship between you and your former spouse. This could positively impact the well-being of your children and contribute to a more harmonious coexistence between you and your former spouse.

Secondly, it is imperative to recognize that you are deserving of love and respect. Refrain from self-deprecating labels and actions that may exacerbate the situation. Instead, prioritize self-care, communication, and collaborative negotiation.

Hello, question asker.

From what you've said, it seems like you've been looking for a sense of love.

Your husband's support and financial assistance provide a sense of security and stability.

Your lover's company and waiting for you is love, which gives you a sense of purpose.

Now you're in a tough spot and not sure what to do.

Take a moment to think about how you really feel about the two men.

Do you feel guilty? Do you like him?

Do you have any feelings of respect or sympathy?

Your husband got sick from a prostitute, which made you hate him at first, but you later said there was nothing wrong with his character.

Have you forgiven him yet?

Do you like your husband and want to spend the rest of your life with him, or do you feel more guilt? If you hadn't divorced, would you have been able to talk to each other?

So, will you have a happy marriage? And will you feel happy?

If you married the second man, would you be happy?

Ultimately, only you can decide who you want to live with, even if it means making do with less materially.

You mentioned that your kids are being raised by your in-laws, but you're not really taking on the role of wife and mother in your family. You said you didn't get enough love, but what about your kids and your husband?

The truth is, they haven't received your love either.

You're the only one who can break this cycle of lack of love.

If you haven't been loved, you don't really know how to love others. Maybe when you first got married, you didn't know how to love your husband and children.

So, what's next? What do you want to do?

If you decide to move on and marry someone else, will your husband be okay with it? And will you be able to accept his assets?

Maybe splitting the property evenly would give you more peace of mind.

You have the right to pursue happiness, but if you hurt others, you'll actually suffer. Just like you are now.

Ultimately, it's up to you. Whatever you decide, there may be pros and cons.

Stay strong!

Happy New Year!

Your marriage, relationship, and life are both good and bad.

Your parents favored sons over daughters, so you never received any parental love as a child. This made you feel inferior and insecure.

You married young and had no affection for your husband. He even had a mistress, which made you sick. You've been working away from home ever since and have lived apart for years.

Your husband is kind and loyal. He gives you money every month. After you filed for divorce, he gave you the house and car.

Your second partner was good to you too. He paid child support and gave you all his money.

You should share the same values, communicate well, have a normal sex life, get along, and have plans.

You must prefer this man to the others.

Your husband's devotion makes you feel guilty.

You blame yourself for this, thinking you're wrong and a bad woman. You also think people will scold you.

You're a traditional woman with strong moral values.

If people treat you well, you'll think they're good and that you're not worthy of a better life.

This may be because your parents preferred sons and you were unloved as a child.

Marriage is a moral contract.

Love and sex are basic needs for adults.

You've come here for help. We won't judge you, but we will help you understand your inner needs.

You don't love your husband. You only love him as a family member. There is no sex between you. You only have obligations and responsibilities.

Your lover makes you feel like love and sex are one.

If you love your husband but feel guilty about your lover, you can treat him like a family member. He is the father of your children.

You're worried he'll be alone in the future and about his parents. This is your compassion.

Sympathizing with someone isn't always good. It makes them seem weak.

You have to believe that he and his parents will go on living their lives as usual. After all these years, your marriage is not a good testimony.

If you're worried about his future, you can help him out.

If you feel you can't bear to hurt someone, you can express gratitude and apologies to your husband. He has also hurt you, so forgive and reconcile. Use a relationship and approach outside of marriage to calm hatred and grievances.

I hope this helps.

I'm Yan Guilai, a counselor who will help you learn and find the truth.

Hello, my dear friend. I can see that you are in a tough spot, trying to decide between two men. I can also see that your family environment has had a certain impact on you, especially when parents ignore their children's feelings. It's so sad when children feel very lonely inside.

From what you've told me, it seems like you and your husband are facing some challenges in your relationship. It's clear that communication and companionship are two areas that could use some improvement, and it's understandable that you're feeling a lack of intimacy in your sex life.

I can see how much you crave care, love, and companionship. It's so sad that in the past, for various reasons, you haven't received the care and love you deserve in real life. It's been a long time since you've been loved.

I know this is a really tough decision for all of you, and it's going to affect the future lives of the three of you. I can feel how difficult it is for you.

From a legal standpoint, the joint property of the couple is divided equally. This means that when one party gives up their personal property rights, they are also giving up their share of the joint property. We totally get that this isn't an ideal outcome for anyone! However, if both parties choose to accept it, they may be able to reduce their losses from another perspective.

However, if you choose to negotiate, you can use the resources you have to your advantage and try to compensate the other party as much as possible after an agreement is reached. For example, in terms of property distribution, we can appropriately increase the compensation amount; in terms of mental damage, we can give the other party a certain amount of mental consolation money.

It's so important to take your time when making big decisions. Carefully consider all the pros and cons of the different options, and try not to make a snap decision that you'll regret later. If you're feeling overwhelmed, it's totally normal to need a little distraction. Try taking a deep breath, doing some meditation, or even just taking a short walk to help calm your emotions. You'll feel more in control and be able to make a better decision when you're feeling centered and calm.

Wishing you all the best!

Good day, my name is Zeyu.

"I have previously alluded to the possibility of divorce, and my husband has indicated that he would leave with nothing. How can I proceed in a manner that causes the least harm?" Let us begin by addressing the issue of divorce and then proceed to expand on it.

In this context, the focus is not on character issues or the moral implications of an individual's actions. Without the suffering of others, it is not possible to provide advice on how to act morally. Instead, the objective is to examine the specific problems and choices involved. With this in mind, the questioner is invited to consider the following scenario: Imagine a choice about divorce. Is the decision based on the questioner's own considerations or influenced by other factors?

The question thus arises as to whether this constitutes the optimal choice for the individual in question. In the event that the answer is in the affirmative, it follows that the opinions of others become irrelevant.

We will now turn our attention to the matter of current net worth. In this case, the options available are to accept the result in its entirety or to make one's own considerations. In the event that the questioner is uncertain as to how to proceed, it may be helpful to consider how one would advise a friend encountering a similar problem.

Furthermore, it is essential to consider the potential benefits for the other individual. If we were to place ourselves in the other person's position, what decision would we make?

The guiding principle in this context is that of "least harm."

In the event that the questioner is uncertain as to how to choose between the aforementioned issues, it would be prudent to consider this matter from a rational perspective. In this context, it is assumed that the optimal solution for the time being is divorce. Subsequently, if the objective is to cause the least harm, this entails addressing the issue of property division. Should the questioner wish to minimise harm to the other party, it is evident that the matter of wealth distribution can be resolved through the assistance of a professional lawyer or by negotiating with the other party to reach an agreement.

From a rational perspective, "going clean" is not a favorable outcome for any party involved. It entails numerous complexities and requires navigating the intricacies of moral conscience and the potential ramifications that may arise. When viewed through an emotional lens, the solution hinges on one's intrinsic beliefs and values. Regardless of the chosen path, there are inherent costs and consequences that must be considered.

Ultimately, the decision regarding the optimal course of action rests with the questioner. By evaluating the potential benefits and drawbacks of each option and identifying the most suitable alternative that aligns with your objectives, it is possible to achieve the objective of "least harm."

Hello. I'm Roudu. I'm glad to have the opportunity to address your confusion, and I'm confident my answer will provide inspiration.

I opened the question description with curiosity. After repeatedly reading it, I have identified three contrasting images.

The first image is "small and transparent with money." The picture is grey and drab, and it doesn't matter if someone scribbles on it.

It is clear that the subject's sense of self-worth is severely lacking. The picture reveals little except money, but the one positive aspect is that the subject proposed separation when her husband became ill.

This is the state of the questioner's life from birth to 15 years after marriage.

The second picture is an awakening. The whole picture is full of vitality, warm, and pleasant, with a strong sense of vitality.

The author stated that she had the courage to speak her mind despite their relationship not being recognized by the public. She said, "You can call me rotten, but he gave his ex-wife his daughter from a previous marriage. He is very good to me, and he gives me all the money he earns except for child support."

We live like a normal couple, our values are in harmony, and we have a good plan for the future. I told him, "When my child goes to work, I'll divorce and marry him." And I meant it. He waited for me for five years.

From this text, it is clear that the questioner found love, respect, and a sense of self-worth in the company of her boyfriend's love.

The third picture is a crossroads. A child stands at the fork in the road, facing a choice.

One road is paved and leads to the image of "stillness." The other is paved with thorns, but it leads to the image of "awakening."

I believe the child facing a choice would benefit from your guidance.

The two men in the questioner's life are both very good to her. Her husband provides material satisfaction, and her boyfriend provides spiritual companionship. The question of how to choose requires the questioner to ask herself about her inner needs and desires.

The husband's behavior of leaving the house with nothing clearly indicates that he values material life more than spiritual communication. In his perception, as long as he has enough to eat, wear good clothes, and have a house to protect him from the wind and rain, he will be fine. That is why he didn't get married until he was 30 years old through a matchmaking event.

This reflects the husband's lack of communication and interaction with others. At the same time, he feels guilty for infecting his wife with an STD, but he knows he can't express it, so he can only compensate materially and hope that his wife will be better off.

I want to know what the wife of the husband would say to her taciturn husband if she read this. Would she say, "Thank you for your hard work for the family all these years"?

Tell me, what would his wife do to repay his efforts?

The questioner has a spiritual interaction with her boyfriend. She has found herself and feels seen and appreciated under the influence of her boyfriend, who has filled the spiritual void.

Life is full of hope and joy.

The awakened girlfriend has been waiting for her boyfriend for five years. She knows what she must do to repay him for his patience.

Minimizing harm means using your limited abilities to meet the other person's needs and gain their understanding. You will reach a mutually respectful balance.

This is what I can think of.

I'm sorry, but I can't give you any definite advice. Forget about morality for now and focus on your innermost desires. I'm certain you'll find the best way to solve the problem.

It's clear that the questioner feels a lot of guilt and self-blame, and it's also evident that they have a very strong sense of morality. In my opinion, it's impossible to judge the questioner's husband and wife and the other man using the standards of right and wrong. Regardless of who the three people are, they are all compassionate and righteous, which makes the questioner feel difficult and troubled. They don't want to hurt any of them, but they have to hurt one.

As the saying goes, even an upright official has difficulty ruling on family matters. On the issue of spousal relationships, outsiders can only give some opinions as a reference, and the real decision-maker is still the person involved. I personally feel that the questioner needs to rationally consider what kind of life they want, and I'd like to share some opinions here for the questioner's reference.

The questioner mentioned that in the second year of marriage, her husband sought a prostitute. This matter can be considered either a big or a small issue. If it is considered a big issue, it is because the man has a bad character and poor taste. If it is considered a small issue, it is because the man cannot control himself and lacks self-control. I think the reason the questioner hates her husband is not only because he would rather seek a prostitute than take the initiative to seek her out, but also because of the pain he has caused her with his irresponsible behavior and his attitude towards family life. He is obviously not doing well financially, but instead of earning money, he goes to prostitutes. Perhaps this is the reason the questioner no longer has hope for him.

I'm so excited to tell you all about what he said later! He said that he is willing to leave the house and the car to the questioner and take care of himself. This shows his deep feelings for the questioner and his responsibility towards her.

As for the other man who has been with the questioner for several years, just as the questioner said, he is very good to the questioner, and the questioner himself deeply appreciates this. But from another perspective, is it inappropriate for him to still get along with the questioner like this when he knows that the questioner has a family? Absolutely not!

This is not to say that he is a bad person. In fact, he's a great guy! But I do feel that in order to understand someone, you need to get a comprehensive understanding, then comprehensively consider and weigh the pros and cons, and then make a decision. This is being responsible to yourself and also to the other person.

No matter what choice the questioner makes, it will be a learning experience for both of them. It is an exciting challenge to find ways to minimize the harm. After all, two different people have different expectations and tolerance for this matter, and they cannot be measured by the same standard. The questioner gets to think about and decide for themselves. Everyone gets to pay the price and take responsibility for their actions.

Let's talk about understanding emptiness analysis.

I get it. When you're facing an emotional dilemma like this, the first thing you need to do is take a step back and think it through. Here are a few suggestions to help you out:

Be honest with yourself. First, be honest with your feelings and situation. It's important to accept your emotions and not avoid or hide your inner struggles.

Respect the feelings of others. Regardless of whether you decide to divorce or start a new life, you need to respect the feelings of others. Your husband has been kind to you, and your lover has also given a lot to you.

Think about how your decision will affect them before you make it.

It's important to seek support and advice when you're facing complex emotional issues. A counselor or mental health professional can help you sort things out and find a better solution.

If you can, talk to your husband and your lover honestly. Tell them about your struggles and difficulties. You might be able to find a better solution this way.

Ultimately, you have to make the choice. Regardless of what you decide, you're responsible for your future and should try to avoid causing harm to others.

Take the time to think carefully about what you need and what your future plans are, and then make a choice that's right for you.

I hope you can find your own answers, get out of the situation, and embrace a better future.

Dear friend, Your feelings and experiences are real and important. Everyone's life is unique, and everything you experience is part of it.

You said you felt inferior and insecure because of your upbringing. But you're not alone and you don't have to suffer in silence.

Everyone has value and meaning. You deserve to be loved and respected. You have the right to pursue your own happiness.

I understand the pain and struggle you've experienced in your 20-year marriage. Your husband provides financial support, but his lack of emotional companionship and fidelity hurts you.

However, you have found someone who can give you love and support. This is a way of survival for you and your pursuit of happiness.

Now you have to make a difficult choice. Divorce affects you, your husband, your children, and your lover.

Think about what you want. Do you want a stable family life or emotional fulfillment?

Know what you want. Talk to your husband and lover.

Tell them what you need and listen to them. Communication solves problems.

Think about what divorce would mean for you, your husband, your children, and your lover. Try to find the best solution for everyone.

You may feel confused and suffer during this process. Get help from a counselor, friends and family, or relevant organizations.

Remember, you have the right to pursue happiness. Your feelings and needs are valid. You deserve a life full of love, respect, and happiness.

No matter what you choose, believe in yourself and face the future with courage. You are not a shameless woman; you are brave in facing your emotions.

Hello, question asker! I see your question and I'm here to help. I'd like to answer your question from the following points:

Firstly, it's important to remember that the hurt has already happened. It's not up to you to reduce or alleviate it, but how you feel about this is something that affects many people, including you, your husband's family, your children, and your current partner. Everyone involved will be hurt to varying degrees, and this is unavoidable. It's just that everyone's internal view of this matter will determine their future way of life. For you, excessive inferiority and guilt are not good things, and they may affect your children and your future married life.

Secondly, the occurrence of events itself is neither good nor bad. There's no need to add a judgment of right or wrong. Everyone has the right to pursue happiness. If you and your current boyfriend feel very happy in life, you can throw away the baggage of the past and start again without looking back. Your husband also has the right to pursue happiness. Leaving you may or may not make him unhappy. Whether or not he is happy in life depends on him, and whether or not you are happy in life also depends on you. You cannot decide what other people do or what God does. What you can decide is to figure out your own heart and what you want in the moment. If you feel too guilty, you can also choose to leave your husband with nothing, just as he did. This is your choice, and it is also your husband's choice. There's no right or wrong in the choice itself, but different choices require acceptance of different consequences. Everyone is responsible for their own choices, and there's no need to imagine too much about the life of the other person after they leave you. If you have these considerations, you can also give him some help within your abilities. It's difficult to take into account the judgments and feelings of everyone, though.

Given the complex emotions and family situation you've described, it's important to recognize that everyone has the right to pursue happiness. However, in the process, it's essential to consider how to minimize the harm caused to others. Here are some suggestions that may help you find a clearer path:

1. Be open and honest with each other.

Have an open and honest conversation with your current husband. Be sure to express your feelings, needs, and expectations. This may be difficult, but honesty is the first step to resolving the problem.

Make sure he knows you've thought this through and that it's not something you've made on the spur of the moment.

2. Think about getting some professional advice.

It might be a good idea to speak to a mental health professional or marriage counselor before making a decision. They can give you expert advice and guidance to help you make the best decision for everyone.

3. Protecting the interests of the kids

When you're thinking about divorce, remember to put the kids first. Try to keep their lives as normal as possible, including keeping the lines of communication open with them. Let them know that no matter what happens, their parents will always love them.

4. Making sure assets and responsibilities are divided fairly.

Work with your husband to find a solution that's fair to both of you. Even though he's suggesting a clean break, it's important to come to an agreement on how to divide up assets and responsibilities in a way that's acceptable to both of you, considering what each of you has contributed and what you need.

5. Think about your ex-husband's future.

Your compassion and concern show that you're a responsible person. Even in the event of divorce, look into ways to make sure your ex-husband is treated with basic care and respect in the future, like through mutual friends or family members.

6. Be honest with yourself.

It's important to be honest with yourself when you're facing this decision. Remember that your needs and happiness are worth pursuing, and that you should pursue this goal in a responsible and respectful way.

7. Get some legal advice.

Get some legal advice before you file for divorce. This will help you understand the legal procedures, rights, and obligations involved. That way, you can make sure the whole process is fair and legal.

At the end of the day, there's no perfect solution in these situations. But you can make things a lot worse if you don't consider and respect the feelings and needs of everyone involved. The key is to be honest, fair, and compassionate throughout the process.

Hi, I'm Strawberry.

Old-fashioned thinking often leads parents to treat their children unequally. It's clear that this is a result of faulty parenting, but parents rarely consider the long-term impact on their children's character and psychology or how long it will take for their children to heal.

Despite the tough times she had as a kid, she still wants to be happy.

The more isolated a place is, the more likely it is that old ideas will be passed down. When most people around you have the same ideas, those ideas become the norm and are passed down from generation to generation.

The questioner's parents have this old-fashioned idea that men are superior to women, and this has caused the questioner to feel inferior and insecure. The more they lack, the more they crave. During the questioner's upbringing, she had parents but didn't experience their love for her. Once someone is a little nicer to the questioner, she's likely to feel good and be more willing to give in return.

Maybe she felt her family couldn't give her the love she wanted, so she looked elsewhere. She married her 30-year-old husband when she was just 19. His family was poor, his education was low, and his abilities weren't strong, but she was willing to work hard with her husband to improve their situation.

? Uncertain because of kindness

The questioner thought her marriage would be like this forever. But in the second year, her husband found a prostitute, which made her sick. She resents him for betraying their feelings and for causing her physical and psychological harm through his irresponsible behavior.

The questioner chose to live separately because she couldn't let go of her hatred for her husband. Over the past few years, the couple basically had no contact and didn't even speak to each other when they went home for the New Year. Their relationship had already become indifferent.

At work, the questioner met a partner with similar values and who is also very good to her. The questioner and the other person don't care about each other's past, and when they met, they both knew they wanted the other person and that they were meant to be together. For this relationship, the questioner filed for divorce with her husband, who she hadn't been in contact with for a long time.

When the questioner's husband heard her proposal, he showed her a lot of love and wanted to give her everything he had. But the questioner was worried that her husband and his parents wouldn't be taken care of in the future. Because of this, she couldn't make up her mind to leave her husband.

How can we limit the damage?

It's not always possible to have the best of both worlds. Deciding what you want to do won't harm anyone, and you won't upset yourself by overthinking.

☀️Know yourself: The questioner was originally clear about her pursuit of happiness. After proposing divorce to her husband, she became confused because of his loyalty. When she was willing to work with her husband, he chose to betray her trust and hurt her, which created a rift in the relationship.

The fact that the questioner's husband had been absent for so long made him realize how much he had hurt her. His current affection and loyalty can be seen as a way of making up for the harm he had caused her in the past.

Because of her personality, the questioner is easily influenced by others' kindness towards her. She even blames herself for not being able to live up to it. This is why she doesn't know how to choose. By understanding her husband's heart and her own heart, she can bravely choose the future she wants.

☀️ Acceptance and peace: After the questioner proposed a divorce, her husband didn't make a scene and didn't bring up the past. It seems like he'd already accepted that the marriage wasn't emotionally connected. And it seems like this outcome was also within his expectations.

Now, the questioner's husband has a choice: he can either stay married to her or he can separate peacefully. The questioner doesn't need to feel bad about herself because her husband is so caring and considerate. She also doesn't need to think that by filing for divorce she is hurting her husband. Divorce can be a new beginning for the two of you.

Healing yourself: An unhappy childhood can take a lifetime to overcome. The questioner is fortunate because she knows what she wants. Starting from the questioner, she has learned to pursue the life she wants and find the partner she wants. All of this is the questioner's way of breaking free from the limitations imposed on her by her original family and healing her own mind in a way that suits her.

The right partner can help us heal. Even if we don't have a secure attachment, we can still support each other, make progress, and grow. We don't just blame ourselves, but allow ourselves to pursue happiness and heal ourselves.

I hope my answer helps you out. Best of luck!

Hello, my dear! Let me give you a big hug. I can feel your confusion and helplessness right now, but I can also feel your kindness. You don't want to owe either of the two men who have been so good to you.

It's totally normal to find it tough to choose between two men who are so sweet and put themselves first. It's our common sense and moral compass that makes it hard to decide.

I'd love to know your thoughts on this!

The lovely Dr. Stenberg proposed a theory about love that I find really interesting. She says that love is made up of three basic parts: passion, intimacy, and commitment. Passion is all about the physical and emotional attraction. Intimacy is about the warm, loving feelings you get in a relationship. And commitment is about making a decision to stick together through thick and thin.

These three parts give rise to seven types of love, which is pretty amazing!

It's so sad when a marriage is just held together by duty. It's like the love between you and your husband is empty. Your union wasn't a choice or decision made by either of you. It was more out of the custom of marrying off young people in the countryside. Marriage is a duty for you, fulfilling the wishes of your parents. You will respect and obey them together, having children. In this kind of marriage, the couple has no individuality. This kind of marriage is not based on love, but on duty and obligation. You have both agreed with and internalized this model of marriage. That's why when you no longer feel passion or intimacy in this marriage, you don't try to actively seek change. Instead, you choose to acquiesce. You even rationalize your marriage by thinking that this is how all marriages are.

I'd love to know your thoughts on this!

Your husband responded to you with such a calm and generous attitude the moment you proposed divorce, and he chose to leave the garage to you. This shows that he deeply felt the harm that this marriage, which was bound by responsibility, has caused to each other. As a man, he has to take on more responsibility for the family, such as taking care of and supporting you and the children. He did not become the one to propose divorce first in this marriage, but it does not mean that he does not have the willingness. In a way, you have also spoken for him, and you are not only liberating yourself, but also him.

In this marriage, you both did your best to fulfill your responsibilities and obligations. It's time to follow your heart and live for yourself! He may have chosen to leave with nothing because on the one hand, he has longed to end the marriage and felt guilty towards you; on the other hand, he has always been a person who doesn't actively express his love, and has been bound by more responsibilities during his growth. He needs to be respected, admired, and appreciated!

Your relationship with this lover is a perfect example of love at its finest. It's filled with passion, intimacy, and responsibility. You've made the choice to get along with him, and you're happy to do so. In your relationship with him, you hope that all your expectations and needs in an intimate relationship will be well responded to and satisfied. For example, you hope to be understood, respected, valued, cared for, considerate, concerned, protected, accompanied, and loved.

So, there's no right or wrong choice for you right now. As long as you know your choice is in line with your heart and you're honest with yourself, you'll be just fine. Instead of making choices based on what other people say or think, you need to learn to please yourself first. Only when you're in a nourished state are you vital and your life truly blossoms.

I know it can be tough, but the best way to avoid hurting the people you love is to take care of yourself first. I get it. Ending a 20-year marriage is a big decision, and it's not just about betrayal. It's also about wanting to avoid being tied down by cold, unfeeling responsibilities. I'm here for you, and I'm here to help.

Hello, questioner!

When you confidently proposed a divorce, you never expected your husband's reaction to be so unexpected. He chose to leave the house and the car behind and give you everything, which has put you in a tough spot. I understand your feelings of being torn between two options.

The life you've lived with your husband over the years can be said to exist in name only. Being in a relationship like this really makes people feel very uncomfortable and helpless. It can be said to have become the most familiar stranger. You only meet for a few days during the Chinese New Year, and there is very little communication. This kind of relationship really makes people suffocate. Coupled with the fact that you said you grew up in a family that values men over women, it's really not easy for you to think about all the years of your life. Let me hug you again!

You mentioned it earlier. Where is the child? He was raised by his grandparents. Is that what you're thinking?

It seems like the child doesn't have much of a relationship with you and his father because you're not together much as a family. I had a thought: if you and your partner aren't together, it probably won't have a big impact on the child. And you've already considered taking care of the child and waiting until he goes to work before divorcing his father.

If it doesn't have a big impact on the children and you're thinking about it closely because your husband can get out of the marriage with nothing and give you the house and the car, and that is causing you pressure, then I would think that if you could let your husband give you the house and the car but not give it all to the children, it would be the same as you getting out of the marriage with nothing, wouldn't it? And wouldn't that even things up a bit with your husband? In that case, how would you feel? Do you still feel so guilty towards your husband?

To be honest, when I saw you talking so harshly about yourself, it hurt my heart. What do you mean by saying you are shameless? How can that be? Look at your husband. You went to a prostitute soon after you got married, and that was wrong of him too. And he infected you with an illness. For so many years, you have both neglected each other. Besides, he hasn't been idle. You have found someone whose values you agree with, and you have settled down. You are not just playing around by changing partners. What's wrong with that? Pursue the person you want in your heart. Don't torture yourself with this. You deserve the best and most beautiful life.

My view is that if we can follow our hearts and make a choice at this critical moment, we can ensure that our lives will be the best. We can only get along well with the people around us if we can make our own minds and bodies harmonious. We really can't want both. We must let go when we should. Didn't I say that? If we don't make a decision, there will be consequences.

Both men are good, so we can't go back and forth. We have to follow our hearts and choose one, then end things with the other. If we follow our hearts, we'll stick to our choice and live according to it. That's the best choice for now, and the best life relationship in the future.

We can't afford to waste energy on internal conflict. If we're always torn between two options, it's hard to feel good about ourselves. It's impossible to take care of everything at once. The best thing we can do is focus on our own hearts and minds. So, I'd like to emphasize again that now is the time to calm down and focus. We can do this with friends and family, or if we have the means, we can find a counselor to help us figure out what we really want using various methods.

Once you've made a choice, you've got to stick with it because it's your choice. Then your life will be as you want it to be. When life is as you want it to be, and in the future, when your mood is better, then you'll be able to care for other people. Isn't that what they say? Love overflows when you're full of it. You can only shine your love on others by filling yourself with love and feeling love.

So, my advice is to love yourself first. When you do that, you'll make choices that are true to your heart. I hope your choices, wishes, and hopes are all good. I love you, the world, and I'm here to help!