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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Dear questioner, From your description, I see the appearance of a sensitive girl who is afraid to attack others, afraid to refuse others, and instead attacks and blames herself. You said you feel fear and terror.
But you also have a very important resource of your own: you are willing to try to communicate more with other people, to achieve reconciliation in this way, to let go of other people and also yourself. At the same time, you have also begun to have a very strong need for self-care, hoping to become more carefree and comfortable. This is an amazing opportunity for you to learn and grow!
I bet when you were little, you had the best relationship with your cousin ever! When she was upset, you would be so worried and even blame yourself.
Your good relationship and calm atmosphere with your parents is a direct result of your efforts! Your relationship with your parents is probably the starting point for all your patterns of interaction with other people.
I don't know if your parents ever had conflicts, how you express your rejection or dissatisfaction with them, and when they can express their rejection to others. These are all factors in why you are the way you are today, and I'm excited to help you understand them!
What you are really afraid of and dare not do may be expressing anger and pushing people away. This may be because you are afraid that others will attack you in return, or that others will stay away from you and stop liking you. But there's no need to be afraid! You can choose to express your anger in a way that doesn't push people away. You can choose to believe that others will like you even if they don't like you right now. You can choose to be carefree!
Maybe having a few friends who just won't go away, no matter how much you yell at them, will help you feel a lot more at ease!
We absolutely must believe that love and hate coexist! And remember, anger at someone's behavior is not a rejection of that person.
If you allow yourself to be disliked, firmly believe that someone likes you, and promise to like yourself, this may be the premise of being carefree. I highly recommend a book you can flip through, "The Courage to Be Disliked."
I really hope we can all fully express ourselves, learn to argue, and be carefree and happy. Let's encourage each other!
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Comments
I can totally relate to feeling drained when you agree to things out of fear. It's important to listen to your inner voice and not let fear dictate your actions. Maybe it's time to start small, practice saying no or expressing your feelings in less intimidating situations, and gradually build up the courage to address bigger issues like talking to your cousin.
It sounds like a lot of emotional weight you're carrying from the past. I think it's brave that you've recognized this pattern. Healing might start with selfcompassion, acknowledging that it's okay to feel the way you do. You could also consider writing a letter to your younger self, offering the support and understanding you needed back then. This might help you forgive yourself for not speaking up earlier.
Your realization about the impact of childhood experiences on your current behavior is powerful. Sometimes, just understanding why we react certain ways can be a huge step forward. To move past this, maybe try setting boundaries with people who make you feel uncomfortable. Start by clearly defining what those boundaries are for you. With your cousin, perhaps an indirect approach, like sharing a relevant article or story, could open up a conversation without it feeling too confrontational.
Feeling the way you do now, it's clear that you're ready for change. It might be helpful to seek professional guidance, such as therapy, where you can explore these feelings in a safe space. A therapist can provide tools and strategies to help you communicate more effectively and build your confidence. Remember, healing is a process, and it's okay to take it one step at a time.