I find that I have a strong desire to express myself, and I want to change, but I don't know what to do?

Hello, I'm Gu Yi, and I'm as modest and self-effacing as they come—just like a valley!

Being expressive is a fantastic thing! But how to make your expression achieve the result you want? That's where the fun begins!

Expressions have an object!

We have a strong desire to express ourselves, so it's important to find the right listener. While it can be challenging to find someone who's genuinely interested in what we have to say, it's also an exciting opportunity to connect with someone who truly cares. When we find that special someone, it's a wonderful feeling!

What kind of expression object is more suitable? For life problems, it may be our omnipotent expression object, because they care, so your expression is meaningful to them and can enhance the relationship. This is great because it means that you can express yourself fully and have a meaningful conversation with someone who cares about you.

However, when it comes to work or relationship issues, we can choose who we discuss them with. This means we can pick the right people to talk to and build stronger relationships through expression!

From this point of view, expressing yourself in a chat is a technical skill. You have the desire to change and improve yourself, and you can do it! From a writing perspective, what we can do is to learn to express ourselves more effectively, to fully realize our expression through learning. And if we can turn our desire to express ourselves into a related job, then there will be more gains!

Ready to supercharge your ability to express yourself? Let's do this!

Expressions with a choice and an object are a great way to express ourselves! The only difficulty is that we need to make a simple classification and selection of the people around us who are willing to listen to us. People who are suitable for having a long chat on the phone may not be suitable for knowing everything. But that's okay! It would be much better if we made a distinction in this regard.

Fang Qi is an amazing copywriter who has captured the hearts of many people recently with his warm and empathetic expressions. Many people are hoping that he will publish a book on the art of speaking, and I think it would be incredible if he did! However, it's never easy, and without the accumulation of experience over time, it is very difficult to achieve.

Absolutely! If we have an idea, we should definitely try it!

In recent years, there have been so many great courses and examples on how to improve one's speaking skills! But in the end, we still need to pay for ourselves. It's so important to know for ourselves what we want. To maintain a relationship over the long term and make others feel the significance of your expression, we need to learn, reflect, summarize, and so on. If you like it, then persevere and let yourself gain something from speaking! You'll not only experience the joy in it, but you'll also gain something from it.

Wishing you the very best!

Hello!

This is an interesting question. I'd like to share some things I learned before that might be helpful.

1. To be seen

This is a story I heard from Wu Zhihong. When Wu was a graduate student, she met a friend and they became close, meeting almost every day.

Mr. Wu noticed that he liked to tell him about all the little things that happened to him every day. For example, he ate a bowl of noodles today, and he had to tell him about the shape of the noodles and how it felt to eat them.

Later, Mr. Wu couldn't stand his need to confide anymore. He told him, "What's so interesting about your trivial matters? Tell me less about them and more about something interesting." He said, "I know it's boring, but I just can't help but tell Mr. Wu about it all."

Later, Mr. Wu understood his friend's psychology. He asked one of his visitors what her greatest wish was.

She said her greatest wish was to have eyes that could see everything.

This visitor and Wu's buddy want to be seen by someone who cares. The questioner can decide if they also want this.

2. Seeing = existing

We need mirrors to see ourselves. Without us, there is no "me."

I can only feel when you see me. Until then, I don't exist.

This "you" can be a specific person.

If Mr. Wu's friend didn't have Mr. Wu as a mirror, his daily life and trivial matters wouldn't exist. He'd feel like he doesn't exist. The questioner can feel it for himself: if he doesn't tell others about himself, does it feel like his life and feelings don't exist?

If you strongly relate to this, you should seek professional counseling. Based on what Mr. Wu said, this is a complex issue that may require professional help.

3. Output drives input.

Use the method of output driving input to learn. If you want to read a book but are too lazy to do so, then publish your notes on Weibo, in your circle of friends, or on Douban.

I make reading notes (mind maps) when I read a book and publish them on MindMaster. If someone uses them, I earn income.

I'm not their staff and don't get paid.

Many people share their lives on TikTok, Kwai, Bilibili, and Xiaohongshu. The questioner can do the same and make new friends.

You will also have to learn about video editing.

This is just my opinion. I'm not a professional, so it might not apply to you.

I hope the questioner gets better!

From the questioner's description, it is evident that the subject is notably talkative and adept at analyzing and expressing emotions in conversation. Conversely, I perceive this quality as a personal advantage, conferring a sense of confidence in social settings. However, I also recognize the limited scope of this ability and the need for further development. The challenge lies in identifying the optimal starting point for improvement, a process that often leaves me feeling uncertain and unengaged.

Let us examine the underlying cause of this phenomenon.

1. The questioner is cheerful, enjoys socializing, and possesses language skills and eloquence. He also employs his strengths to demonstrate his value in social situations.

The fact that the questioner is adept at engaging in discourse is, in fact, an asset. His proclivity for disseminating his latest insights to friends is also an indication of enthusiasm. For those who are interested, the questioner's informal sharing may potentially enlighten the other person's life, thereby enhancing their capacity to analyze and solve problems. However, individuals possess disparate aspirations. Some may be more pragmatic in their outlook and may not perceive the value that the questioner's discourse brings to them.

As the adage states, "Opinions differ among people of different abilities and wisdom," it is evident that the questioner does not require universal recognition. In alignment with the adage, "A true friend appreciates music like a mountain stream," it is imperative for the questioner to foster communication with those who can comprehend and acknowledge his abilities.

2. The comparison with friends leads to the conclusion that comprehensive self-improvement is necessary, yet the current abilities are limited. Therefore, the exertion of abilities in the area of conversation provides a source of psychological comfort.

In interpersonal relationships, individuals engage in unconscious comparisons with their peers. Each person possesses unique strengths and weaknesses, which, when combined, create a multifaceted and complementary dynamic. Despite the questioner's awareness of his personal strengths, he also recognizes certain shortcomings. Nevertheless, he continues to seek psychological comfort in interpersonal relationships by comparing himself with others, leveraging his proficiency in communication as a point of reference.

3. The questioner is discontented with the current situation but is uncertain about the optimal starting point for self-improvement.

The questioner is motivated to pursue self-improvement but is unable to focus on academic tasks. Additionally, he is grappling with existential confusion, which further hinders his ability to identify the most effective avenues for personal growth. This lack of clarity contributes to feelings of boredom and distress.

The following recommendations are offered to the questioner in the hope that they will prove beneficial.

1. A life of solitude may be of high quality, whereas a life of social interaction may be of low quality. It is possible to explore one's own self in solitude while learning from others in social interactions.

Indeed, the questioner can transform the act of comparing oneself with others into an introspective journey of self-discovery. Each individual possesses unique character traits. It is, therefore, essential for the questioner to actively explore their inner potential and fully actualize their untapped capabilities. Concurrently, in interpersonal relationships, they can learn from individuals with similar personalities and those who excel beyond their own abilities to achieve breakthroughs and advancement. For instance, given the questioner's aptitude for effective communication, they may choose to pursue a career in teaching or law. Alternatively, they could consider roles such as a psychological counselor or writer, which can facilitate their personal growth and contribute to the betterment of others.

2. Determine your own value and establish goals that align with your personal values and aspirations.

Once the questioner has identified a career path, it is essential to conduct thorough research into the industry. This should include gaining a comprehensive understanding of the functions and skills required for various occupations. By analysing and evaluating the available information, the questioner can gain insight into their suitability for different roles and subsequently determine their life goals. Having clear goals provides direction and purpose, preventing feelings of aimlessness or boredom.

3. It is essential to establish a positive and healthy lifestyle and habits, arrange one's work and rest time in a reasonable manner, and make every effort and preparation every day to achieve one's goals.

Once the questioner has determined their goal, they must ascertain the academic and professional qualifications required to enter the industry. They can then begin to gather learning materials to prepare for the examinations and study, and plan the time they need to obtain the qualifications and enter the industry. This will establish their life plan. They can then create a daily study plan, ensuring they consistently perform to the best of their abilities to achieve their goals.

Life is no longer characterized by monotony, idleness, or confusion. When one achieves success, one's peers will be impressed by the specifics of one's achievements, and one will not be unduly concerned with comparisons.

It is my hope that the questioner will embark on a new exploration and pursuit of life, and that they will realize their potential to the fullest extent possible.

I wish you a pleasant holiday and extend my best wishes for your success.

In response to your inquiry, I can offer several potential explanations, which I will share herewith.

It appears that you have been focusing your attention externally for an extended period, and you are in need of establishing connections with others. If you are unable to communicate, you may experience feelings of disorientation and uncertainty about how to proceed.

It is important to recognize that communication is not only a necessity in our external relationships but also an essential aspect of self-reflection. Learning to be alone and developing the resilience to thrive in solitude is a crucial skill in today's fast-paced world. Our inner self is our most crucial partner, and nurturing this relationship is vital for personal growth and success.

Over time, you will come to understand that even a close friend who shares personal details with you may not fully grasp your perspective. Even those closest to us have other roles besides that of a spouse.

Ultimately, only ourselves can accompany us.

It is inevitable that parents will grow old, children will leave the nest, and spouses may also leave. However, the only constant companion in our lives is ourselves. Although this may sound disheartening, it is important to recognize that we are our own most reliable source of support.

Lu Xun once said, "Human joys and sorrows are not connected. I only feel that they are noisy." Despite his often harsh and lively demeanor, Lu Xun is, in fact, quite lucid.

I suggest you read the following books: Loneliness, Life Needs a Sense of Solitude, and Solitude, Return to Self. Begin with Loneliness; it is more straightforward and provides numerous strategies for developing solitude.

Secondly, your personality can be likened to that of an onion.

The original explanation of the onion personality type is that an individual can adapt to various situations and appear very lively. However, just as an onion has no essential self beneath its outward appearance, so too can an individual with this personality type lack an essential self.

I believe the onion personality type is someone who lacks an essential self. This individual relies on external factors, such as the opinions of others, to define their identity and determine their moral standing.

It is highly susceptible to external influences.

From your question, I understand that you are typically well-liked in groups, but you lack a strong sense of self and influence. This is likely due to a lack of essential self-identity, which makes it easy for you to become overly reliant on others.

It would also be beneficial to have someone to listen to you. This could be a mutually beneficial arrangement.

However, individuals lacking a sense of self are inclined to seek external sources for answers and rely on various external labels to define themselves. This brings us back to one of the fundamental questions in philosophy: Who am I?

In addition to external identifiers, how might we define our individual identities?

I apologize for the digression.

I recommend that you consider the following options for expressing yourself: 1. Write it down. Write whatever you like. 2. Build a tree hole for yourself.

Additionally, reading books and observing the interactions between characters can be beneficial for self-expression.

It would be beneficial to engage in physical activity, such as exercise, yoga, or meditation, while focusing on your body and breathing.

In essence, it is necessary to examine your own thoughts and feelings. I recommend scheduling an appointment with a counselor.

As a counselor, I am often Buddhist and sometimes pessimistic, occasionally positive, and motivated. I extend my love and best wishes to the world.

Good morning,

Host:

My name is Zeng Chen, and I'm a psychotherapy coach. I've taken the time to read the post carefully, and I can sense the boredom and confusion you're experiencing from the content.

I also want to commend you for expressing your distress and seeking help on the platform. This is an important step in understanding yourself better and making adjustments to improve your situation.

I hope my observations and thoughts from the post will be helpful in helping the poster view themselves from a more diverse perspective.

1. Perhaps we could try to find out the psychological motivation behind our behavior.

From what I can gather from the post, it seems that the host has a strong desire to express himself. He also mentions that he often finds himself wanting to call his friends to chat about trivial matters, life's various feelings, and life's various insights. I can understand that not everyone may be keen on listening to such conversations, but I still find myself drawn to them. While I recognise that such discussions may not be particularly nourishing or growth-oriented, I do have a lot to share.

I appreciate your desire to express yourself. Perhaps we could explore together why you have such a strong desire to express yourself?

From a psychological perspective, our actions are frequently an external expression of our internal mental processes. In other words, there is often a psychological motivation behind our behavior.

I believe that understanding the psychological motivation behind our actions can help us gain a deeper understanding and knowledge of ourselves.

How might we find it? Perhaps we could experience it together. How do you feel when you have said everything you wanted to say?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what difference it makes if you say it out loud or keep it to yourself. We're here to support you in thinking about this for yourself.

It is important to remember that feelings can be subjective.

However, there are times when we express our thoughts and feelings from the bottom of our hearts, and someone is there to listen. In those moments, we feel heard and understood.

If the other person has a strong sense of empathy, it may lead to a sense of being understood and seen. Some people may even find this approach helpful in building relationships with friends and so on.

In some cases, a more tailored approach may be necessary to address specific issues effectively.

2. Consider ways to enhance your professional skills.

In the post, the host mentioned a few areas where he could improve, including growing, stopping gossip, and studying more. He acknowledged that he sometimes feels unmotivated, but expressed a desire to find more fulfillment in his current situation. He also shared that he feels a bit bored and confused. I can see that you have a strong sense of self-improvement, which is admirable.

Perhaps we could take a look together at what we can do for our lives?

When we gain insight into the psychology behind our actions and learn to manage our emotions, we may find ourselves engaging in more rational thinking, which can help us make better decisions. To improve ourselves, I believe there are two broad avenues we can explore. One is to enhance our professionalism.

Ultimately, performing our duties to the best of our abilities will undoubtedly prove beneficial for us.

For this reason, it may be beneficial to consider learning more about topics related to our profession.

3. Psychological aspects

Another avenue for self-improvement may be to explore our psychological aspects. It is likely that our psychology will always play a role in our lives, regardless of our chosen path.

In a broader sense, there is also room for improvement in this area. We can strive to gain a deeper understanding and knowledge of ourselves.

As we gain a deeper understanding of ourselves, we may be able to identify our strengths more clearly.

Furthermore, it is believed that understanding and knowing ourselves can also help us manage our emotions better, which may contribute to a more stable and mature outlook. It is thought that psychologically, the more sensitive we are to ourselves, the more sensitive we will be to others, with the capacity to understand what others mean and empathize with them. This could potentially benefit us in the workplace and in interpersonal relationships.

If we are unable to learn, it may be best to stop. However, if we can learn, it would be beneficial to do so.

If we persevere in this endeavour, we will gradually enhance our knowledge and become a better version of ourselves.

4. Consider identifying your passion.

Sometimes, we can only act better when we have a clearer understanding of what we want. When we have a clearer understanding of what we want, we may discover a new passion.

It is not uncommon for people to pursue their passions independently, learning and growing along the way. Discovering one's passion can also lead to a deeper understanding of one's inner motivation.

I hope that you will find this helpful and inspiring. If you have any questions, you are welcome to click on Find a Coach to have a one-on-one chat and communicate with us to work through any issues together.

Good morning,

I acknowledge your query and empathize with your uncertainty and helplessness. You are unsure of the best course of action and desire to develop, yet you also feel a sense of helplessness.

It is important to understand the motivation behind the behavior and to identify what one truly wants.

I would like to take a moment to discuss the importance of self-awareness in decision-making. When faced with the urge to contact someone for a casual conversation, it is crucial to pause and reflect on your true intentions. Are you seeking companionship and a responsive audience, or do you wish to receive solace and affirmation when you feel hurt? Alternatively, you may not fully comprehend your desires, but you desire the validation and input from the other person.

Regarding learning and self-improvement:

It is worth noting that there are numerous avenues for learning available in the modern age. For those who prefer not to read, audiobooks offer a convenient alternative. These can be accessed at various times, such as while brushing teeth or washing face.

Given your strong preference for expressing your desires, I suggest you consider watching more talk shows and variety shows with strong attitudes and opinions. It is entirely feasible for you to become an exporter of attitudes and opinions. You may wish to view programs such as "Qipa Shuo" and "Tucao Da Hui" as a starting point.

Be accepting and curious about yourself.

When you identify an area for improvement, avoid immediately dismissing it as a personal shortcoming. Instead, articulate the specific action you would like to take to address it. For example, instead of saying, "I need to be more productive," say, "I would like to start reading a book earlier next time."

When an event occurs, inquire as to the reason for it a few more times. The answer may emerge. "Why must it be A and not B?" I believe this approach can assist you in understanding yourself and communicating more effectively.

I hope my response is of assistance to you. Best regards, [Name]