I hate it when I always prioritize others' feelings and act according to their needs.

First, replace the word "other" with "self" and watch the magic happen!

Let me tell you something. When you put other people first and care about their feelings, what you're really doing is...

Put yourself first and focus on your own feelings.

Many people have a misconception, and it's time to clear the air!

It always feels like the best thing you can do is to be friendly and kind to everyone!

And the best part is that when you keep trying to please others,

It feels so easy to do! You can get the care and attention of others, and even gain the approval and affection of the other person.

But in fact, this is an illusion!

Guess what! Being nice to someone doesn't mean you won't get their true heart.

The other person may see you and pay attention to you because of your attitude towards them – and that's a great thing!

But the great news is that you can still make a great impression even if they don't like you just because you are friendly to them!

And it's not from the perspective of taking advantage of mutual interests!

Simply looking is all it takes!

And they want to know if others can like you, recognize you, and care about you!

And the best part is, it'll only be because of you!

Who you are, what you do, and what your values are—all of these things make you, YOU!

And how you treat the other person!

You absolutely need to be recognized first before the rest to accept your good and be good to you!

If the other person doesn't approve of you, including certain practices and attitudes,

For example, your good-natured lack of persistence and principles, or even your inability to make the obvious rejection—these are all things you can work on and improve!

For example, if you are always caring for others, or if you are unconditionally caring for others, and always putting others first,

It's so easy to overthink and even fear timidly that others will ignore you or fail to express yourself when you should!

If the other person doesn't approve of your attitude and behavior, that's okay!

It's so important to remember that no matter how much you put them first and take care of them, they will only, deep down, belittle you, not take you seriously, and, what's more, they may even ignore you and take advantage of you.

After all, you don't necessarily rebel every minute, do you?

If you insist on saying that something is wrong,

It's time to remember that you need to take care of yourself and look after your own feelings!

And it is on this basis that you take care of others and face the world with kindness!

Instead, you can choose to embrace a different approach. You can decide to take care of yourself and your own feelings. You can choose to be kind to yourself and to others.

If you don't even dare to express yourself honestly and directly, for example,

You just care, you just don't like it, you just don't want to do it anymore, and even

This is the persistence and self-preservation you showed when you were thinking about it!

When you can't even see your own needs and desires, and can't even take care of yourself,

I'm sure you're doing the right thing by putting others first and caring about their feelings. It's the best way to show them that you care about them and that they're doing the right thing by sticking with you!

Or is it just your imagination?

Be good, be yourself, love yourself!

Then, when you have the energy, be friendly to the world!

If you meet someone you want to cherish, go for it! Express your feelings, stick to your principles, and don't be afraid to stick to your bottom line.

If you are lucky, you will meet people who share the same values as you! They will naturally get in touch with you, get along with you, and even stay with you for a long time.

If that happens, even if you try your best, it's still possible to find someone who will cherish you, whether you are a friend, a relative, or any other role!

The great news is that you don't need to care about them, and you don't need to treat them well!

As the old saying goes, repaying kindness with more kindness. And guess what? The next sentence is all about how to repay kindness!

So, apply the same logic!

If you treat those who do not respect you, do not like you, and do not recognize you,

You treat everyone the same way, everyone who is nice to you, everyone who likes you!

The same level of importance, the same status, the same unreserved flattery without any bottom line!

Just think about how the latter will feel!

You're actually discouraging the latter group!

If you treat everyone the same, they still have to like you, approve of you, and value you!

Wouldn't it be just as well if they didn't have to pay attention to you and didn't have to like you? Think of how much time you'd save!

And people are prone to laziness.

You have to be seen by them first, and then you can be yourself, express yourself, and show them all the real you! Tell them that you have your own thoughts, your own temper, your own persistence, and that you're friendly and kind, but never a good bully to be ignored. You also have your own principles and bottom line, and you can tell them that your giving is never without expecting something in return. And even if it is, it is something you want to do or not—it has nothing to do with them!

I'm so excited to share this with you! It's all about giving you a little boost and helping you to succeed.

Hello, question asker! From your description, I can feel the depression, grievance, and confusion inside you.

It's clear you're a good person, and I'm sure you'll be happy again soon!

You're putting other people first, and it's not just exhausting — it's the right thing to do!

The more easy-going you are, the more you have the chance to learn to say no! You can't let others bully you or ignore you.

I totally get it! You always try to please others and neglect yourself. You must be really tired, frustrated, and depressed.

☺️ Please respect your own feelings!

You have always been very considerate of other people's feelings and can't bear to say no to them, but you have uniquely neglected and wronged yourself. But guess what? You can change that!

If you don't take yourself seriously and don't even love yourself, you're missing out on so much! Why wouldn't you want to value, care about, and love yourself?

You have lost yourself. But don't worry! You can get it back! People don't want to love someone who has no self. They'd rather take advantage of and bully such a person because it's easy to bully someone and there's no cost or price to pay.

☺️ Your kindness needs to have a sharp edge!

Sometimes your kindness may just be weakness—but that's okay!

When you feel unfairly treated and offended, it's time to take action! Defend your own boundaries and bottom line.

When you express your thoughts and stand up for yourself, others will respect and value you!

☺️ Other people are not your mother!

Maybe in your early years, you didn't get enough attention or affection from your parents. But guess what? You're an adult now! You can choose to feel differently. You can choose to feel loved, important, and worthy of love.

You can absolutely get some love and attention by pleasing others! And you can also use this to your advantage in your current relationship.

But you are not your mother, and you are not the child who has not grown up!

You absolutely don't need to continue to please to maintain a relationship! You are also capable enough to satisfy yourself.

Be brave and be yourself! See and respect your own feelings, and you will attract a more suitable and more comfortable relationship!

Wishing you all the best!

Good morning, Thank you for your question.

I empathize with your feelings and understand your state of mind. I perceive the confusion and worry expressed by the questioner in their message. It is evident that the questioner is a sensitive individual who may have difficulty declining requests from others. Let's examine this together:

"I especially dislike that I consistently prioritize the needs of others and devote significant effort to attending to their emotions. While this approach may initially seem exhausting, it is perceived as a natural and expected aspect of my role."

There may be a subconscious need to please others, a fear of what others will say about you, a fear of doing something wrong that others will dislike, or perhaps a lack of self-confidence due to low self-esteem.

"Additionally, I am unsure of how to decline tasks from others, perhaps due to my accommodating nature. I am frequently assigned the most challenging tasks."

Individuals who are highly sensitive tend to overthink situations. When you take a moment to calm down and think about the matter carefully, you may realize that many things have nothing to do with you. For instance, the individual who posed the question indicated that other people have left their negative qualities to them. However, the other person may have had a different intention or plan, which they have not yet recognized.

We will now discuss the adjustment method.

We will now discuss methods for adjustment.

It is important to accept yourself.

It is important to accept yourself.

The process of accepting oneself entails acknowledging one's strengths and weaknesses, particularly one's shortcomings, and embracing one's imperfections.

Accepting oneself includes acknowledging one's strengths and weaknesses, particularly one's shortcomings, and embracing one's imperfections.

Just as the moon has phases, so too does a person. We all have our own imperfections, and you are no exception. Accept your shortcomings with an open mind, and pay attention to your strengths and avoid your weaknesses. Do not compare your own shortcomings with other people's strengths.

It is advisable to temporarily disregard the opinions of others.

It is important to accept your own imperfections in order to avoid being unduly influenced by the opinions of others. It is also essential to recognise that everyone has different ideas and that there is no need to force others to fully support you or for everyone to agree with you.

When you can accept your own imperfections, you will realize that the opinions of others are not as crucial as you may have thought. It is important to recognize that everyone has different ideas and that there is no need to force others to fully support you or for everyone to agree with you.

When you can accept your own imperfections, you will realize that the opinions of others are not as crucial as you may have thought. It is important to recognize that everyone has different ideas and that there is no obligation for others to fully support you or for everyone to agree with you.

It is therefore advisable to temporarily disregard the opinions of others and focus on your own identity. However, if a significant number of individuals hold similar views about you, it may be necessary to reflect on your own actions and behaviours.

It is therefore advisable to temporarily disregard the opinions of others and simply be true to yourself. However, if a significant number of people hold similar views about you, it may be necessary to reflect on your own actions.

It would be beneficial to develop greater empathy.

In some cases, it may be helpful to take a step back and consider the situation from a different perspective.

Sometimes, we find ourselves unable to comprehend the actions of others. This is often due to our inability to think from their perspective.

"I am not the primary actor in this situation, and I am responsible for cleaning the bathroom on days when it is particularly challenging to do so. It is possible that the other individual has carefully considered your strengths and determined that this role is a better fit for you. Additionally, the days when the bathroom requires the most attention could simply be a coincidence. Try to recall instances when you feel more at ease."

It is important to learn to decline requests in a professional manner.

In addition, it is important to note that there are instances when one's personal preferences may influence their professional interactions. For instance, an individual may find it challenging to engage in social interactions at work due to personal reservations about being ignored or und

"Maybe it's because I'm easy-going" is a rationale that individuals may apply to themselves or to others. It is important to note that others will not engage in bullying behavior solely because you are easy-going, nor will they necessarily agree with everything you say because of it.

It is important to analyse refusals on a case-by-case basis. While you can help with small favours within your capabilities, there is no obligation to do so. The key is in how you refuse. You should leave room for discussion, for example, saying that you are unable to help this time due to an emergency, but you can help next time.

"I must admit that I am not particularly adept at socializing. I am sometimes apprehensive about engaging in conversation for fear of being ignored. It often seems that my opinions and ideas are not valued."

This issue was previously addressed. It is not productive to focus on the opinions of others. When sharing your own opinions, be confident and speak up. Offer new insights to impress your audience.

This point was previously discussed. It is important not to be unduly influenced by the opinions of others. "My opinions and ideas are often overlooked or ignored." When expressing your own opinions, ensure you have given them due consideration and that they are well-reasoned. It is advisable to present novel opinions to ensure they are well received.

In terms of socializing, it is advisable to take the initiative, even if it is as straightforward as greeting someone. This could be as simple as waving or nodding. Once you have taken the first step, it is likely that someone else will reciprocate. You will gradually notice an improvement.

I hope my response will prove useful to the questioner. Best regards,

I hope my response is helpful to the questioner. Best regards,

Good morning,

Host:

I have taken the time to read the post in its entirety and I believe I can understand the host's concerns and reservations. At the same time, I have also observed that the host has courageously expressed his distress and actively sought help on the platform, which will undoubtedly help the host to gain a deeper understanding of himself and his situation, allowing him to make adjustments to meet a better self.

I hope that by sharing my observations and thoughts in the post, I can help the poster to see things from a different perspective.

1. How others treat us is a reflection of our values.

I believe that how others treat us is a reflection of how we interact with them. It seems that the hostess has noticed that those who are good-tempered are often left with less important tasks, while I have been given the more challenging cleaning duties. When I spoke to a classmate, many others joined in, which made me feel a little isolated.

While this may come across as a bit harsh, it's a reality that many of us face. It's not uncommon for hosts to accept the challenges that come with having a diverse group of individuals in their care, and it's understandable that not everyone feels comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings in such a setting.

This may lead others to believe that they can treat you in this way. They may even think that you enjoy toughening yourself up this way.

Perhaps the host himself has also noticed it?

2. Sharing your thoughts and setting your own boundaries can help others understand how they should treat you.

In any relationship, it's helpful to have an understanding of human nature. People can sometimes be surprising. They often value things, people, and relationships that they have contributed to.

It's akin to advertising: do we tend to value the free items more? Frequently, it's the things that cost money that we cherish.

This is simply human nature.

It would be beneficial to consider human nature when making friends and getting along with others. The poster may benefit from learning to express their thoughts and feelings, letting others know what they do and do not like, and setting clear boundaries.

At some point, it may be helpful to consider being clear about our expectations.

When we express our thoughts and feelings, we can help others learn how to treat us. It's important to consider how we can teach others to treat us with kindness and respect. When we're kind to others, we often have this expectation that they'll treat us the same way we treat them.

It is important to remember that giving and receiving are not necessarily the same thing.

3. Perhaps it would be helpful to consider why you are perceived as "pleasing."

From the content of the post, it seems that the poster may be inclined to prioritize the needs of others over her own. It would be interesting to understand the reasons behind this tendency.

It would be interesting to consider what one might gain from trying to please others. Is it perhaps the approval, acceptance, and approval of others that one is seeking?

Could I ask whether this is also the way you get along with your family? Is it possible that you have projected your family's way of getting along onto your classmates?

It would be beneficial for the poster to explore the psychology behind these needs. This exploration could help the poster better understand and adjust their unreasonable beliefs.

It is not uncommon for people to try to please others because they lack self-worth, feel inadequate, or believe they don't deserve to be treated well.

It might be helpful for the host to explore this direction further. As there is not a lot of information in the Q&A post, I will expand on it here.

Should the host require further communication, they are welcome to click to find a coach and they will find me.

I hope these suggestions will be helpful and inspiring for the poster. My name is Zeng Chen, and I'm a psychological coach at One Mind.

Hello, my name is Yiyashu, and I would be delighted to walk with you through this challenge together.

Your description shows us what you're struggling with in your relationships. You tend to focus on other people's wishes and find it hard to form your own opinions. This has led to others not respecting you, which is totally understandable! For example, you might find yourself playing an unimportant role in a drama or being assigned the hardest cleaning tasks.

It's totally normal to feel like you don't have a strong presence when interacting with others. It's a combination of things, like your behavior, demeanor, aura, language habits, and other factors in the process of your interactions with others. It's okay if you don't feel confident speaking up or sharing your ideas. We all have different strengths and ways of interacting with others.

Let's say, for instance, that you usually act in a very submissive way. You might not dare to make demands of others, speak loudly, get into conflicts, show your confident side when socializing, or refuse others. If this is you, your vulnerability and weakness might be captured by the subconscious minds of those around you.

We all know that there's a part of human nature that "bullies the weak and fears the strong." It's not a nice thing to say, but it's true. When you always show that you're not so powerful and imposing in a group, people will start to take you less seriously and respect you less over time. They'll think that they can do whatever they want to you because you won't refuse or get angry. Gradually, they'll show this part of bullying the weak and fearing the strong in you.

To break this situation, we just need to trace the source. Once we understand how these patterns were formed, we can really start to understand ourselves and make some positive changes!

From my own experience, I've found that your character state is closely related to the environment you grew up in and the way your caregivers treated you.

If your parents didn't respect your thoughts and feelings when you were young and always wanted you to do things their way, you might find that you develop a personality that revolves around what other people think and want. When you're around other people, you might find that you keep on acting the same way you did around your parents.

For example, you might find yourself being pleasing, feeling inferior, acting submissively, suppressing your true feelings, hesitating to make requests, reluctant to defend your own boundaries, avoiding conflicts and contradictions with others, and holding back from expressing your own advantages.

This pattern is something that's been formed over the years through repeated interactions with your parents.

These habits are like conditioned reflexes. When you get along with other people, these conditioned reflexes will follow like a shadow because this pattern is the most familiar to you. Before you grow up, you will only be taught this by your original family, so it's important to recognize these patterns and work on breaking them!

So, it's important that we keep learning and breaking through our current patterns.

If your schedule allows and your finances are okay, I really recommend finding a counselor to accompany you on your journey. It will be so much more efficient! They will patiently provide you with a professional, third-party perspective and help you sort out your blind spots, so that you can grow quickly. I had a counselor help me solve the problem of being a people pleaser and having trouble saying no. Growing up under the guidance of a professional really makes a difference, and you won't get lost!

If you're not in a financially comfortable spot, a heart exploration coach is a great option. It's not psychological counseling, but it's a group of kind, experienced seniors who've been on a journey of self-growth for many years. They're a wonderful source of guidance and companionship.

If you don't like either of these, no problem! You can just read some self-growth books and explore more. I have some recommendations for you that I think you'll find really helpful in your current situation:

I'd also suggest checking out some books by Wu Zhihong and Cong Feicong. They're both great! Wu's books are "Why Family Hurts" and "Why You Always Get Hurt," and Cong's books are "Raising Your Inner Child," "The Power of Self-Growth," and "Allow Yourself."

Ichiro Kishimi: "The Courage to Be Disliked"; Tang Minggao: "Reconciliation with the Inner Child"

I'm so excited to introduce you to these amazing books! They were all instrumental in my own self-growth journey, and I truly believe they can help you too.

Hello, question asker!

After reading your question, I really understand your dilemma. Let me give you a warm hug first.

The issue you're facing is:

I really dislike that I always put other people first and always take care of their feelings. It leaves me feeling exhausted, but others think it's just part of who I am. I also find it difficult to say no to people. Perhaps it's because I'm easy-going, but others always leave me to do the unpleasant tasks. For example, I always get the small parts in the school play, and I'm the one who has to clean the worst parts of the cleaning schedule. I was talking to a classmate, and a lot of people took that classmate's side and turned on me. I was really upset.

I'm not great at getting along with other people either. Sometimes I'm afraid to talk to others because I'm worried they won't talk to me back. It seems like no one values my opinions or thoughts.

I hope you can help me figure out what's going on and how I can get out of this situation.

A quick look at the problem shows that:

1. The questioner puts other people first in everything they do, caring too much about other people's feelings and neglecting their own. They haven't found a balance between themselves and others. It's possible that the questioner has grown up with a lack of security due to their family environment and their parents' influence. Their parents only cared about their material needs and neglected their emotional care. This has made the questioner sensitive and vulnerable, afraid of losing the care and friendship of others, and at the same time sacrificing their own feelings.

2. The questioner isn't great at saying no and often comes across as too nice. Over time, others will stop caring about their feelings and will think they're not important. When the questioner interacts with others, they're always in an unbalanced state, sacrificing their own feelings and values in order to get along with others. Eventually, the scales will become unbalanced.

You need to find a balance that works for you, while also taking care of your own feelings.

If you always compromise, people will think you don't have emotions and don't care about them. There's nothing wrong with kindness, but unprincipled kindness is meaningless. The questioner lacks a sense of security and in social interactions, they only seek their own sense of security, letting others define their own value and unable to see their own value.

Here's the solution:

(1) Take control of your emotions, accept yourself and your parents unconditionally, face your true feelings, and be confident enough to say no to others.

(2) Love yourself and don't be an unprincipled do-gooder. Understand that your personality and others are independent and equal.

(3) Get rid of all that baggage from the past, find a good balance in your social interactions, and then show your kindness, while keeping your true feelings in mind.

(4) Stop the internal conflict and stop overthinking.

(5) Take a break and do some homework, go for a hike, read a book, or plant flowers.

(6) Don't go to extremes with your kindness or rejection of others. Find a balance. Set appropriate boundaries and maintain distance when interacting with others.

(7) Forget the past, start over, start with rejection. It might be tough at first, but if you stick with it and break the cycle, you'll see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I hope my answer is helpful. I wish you the best as you move on from this challenging situation and embrace a new, positive outlook. The world is rooting for you!

Hello!

You're kind and considerate. Don't hate yourself!

If you always take care of other people's feelings, you'll get tired. But other people think it's natural. You'll feel like you take care of other people, but don't get the same treatment in return. This is frustrating. You'll feel like it's not worth it to take care of other people like this. This will impact your positive relationship with your friends.

This situation needs to change. You need to learn to express your goodwill. For example, "I like spicy food, but you don't, so let's order something that's not spicy, and I'll eat something that's not spicy with you." If you don't say anything, but order something that's not spicy, others will think that you don't like spicy food either.

Speak up and let your understanding be felt.

"I don't know how to say no. Maybe it's because I'm easy-going." Saying no and being easy-going are two different things. Learn how to say no.

We're afraid of the consequences of refusing, so we don't. But that can cause misunderstandings. For example, the hardest place to clean is always assigned to you because you never refuse. Others think that it is because you are capable and it gives you the opportunity to express yourself.

You can say, "We should take turns cleaning. I'll clean here this time, and you can clean somewhere else next time."

Speak your mind!

Give it a try. Everything will change because of you. Good luck!