I have a poor relationship with my father, and I have to endure being beaten and scolded. I want to run away from home.

Hello!

Your father is very harsh. He thinks a rod is the best way to establish his authority. He never considers your feelings. He thinks he is doing what is best for you. This allows him to check your information and hinder your social life.

This is wrong. It's no surprise you have a bad relationship with your father.

It's understandable that you want to run away from home. But you know you can't yet be independent. You still need your father's support with your studies.

Yes, you still need your father to support you financially and pay for your education.

Here are a few suggestions:

1. Learn to protect yourself. Don't provoke your father or give him a reason to hit you. Ask your mother to persuade your father not to hit you.

2. Show your father what you do to try your best in school. This will help your relationship with him.

3. Running away from home is an escape mentality. You'll face difficulties in the future, and running away won't help. Try to change your environment.

4. Try to understand your father. He just doesn't know how to help you learn. But he wants you to succeed.

Mentally reducing confrontation with your father may improve your relationship with him.

These suggestions are for you to think about. Best wishes!

Dear host,

I'm genuinely concerned about your circumstances. Regardless of the outcome of the tests, being scolded and beaten by your father is a regrettable experience.

I'm curious to know more about what you meant when you said "whip" when your brother was beaten. It's hard to imagine that any child could endure such violence.

I empathize with you as well, given the numerous restrictions your father has placed on you. I'm uncertain about your grade level.

It is understandable that anyone who feels suffocated by intrusion into their privacy and being controlled and suppressed may naturally want to run away from home if they continue to live in such a state.

It can be challenging to determine the best course of action in such circumstances. A number of factors may influence the most appropriate response, including the ability to communicate with your father and the potential for improvement in your academic performance. I hope that the suggestions I offer in these two areas will prove helpful as you navigate these challenges.

Perhaps it would be helpful to talk to your father about this.

I'm not sure what grade you're in. Could you please clarify how you define "not doing well"?

Could you please clarify what is considered a good or bad result? Is there a specific score or grade that would lead to a negative reaction from your father?

Could you please clarify whether there is a fixed standard that helps you predict his reaction to your exam results, or whether his reactions are truly unpredictable?

If it is the former and you are only scolded if your grades fall below a certain standard, then I believe there is still a chance to communicate effectively with him. The reason for this behavior may be that your father has a set of beliefs about how to educate children. He may feel that if you don't do well in your exams, it is because you haven't worked hard enough, that you are not sensible and are indulging yourself too much, and that more strict discipline will make you improve.

It seems that your father's disciplinary approach involves a combination of blame and scolding, which is designed to encourage you to work hard. Similarly, monitoring your activity on QQ and limiting your freedom of movement is also a form of discipline, as it prevents you from engaging in activities that he deems unnecessary and potentially detrimental to your studies.

Perhaps it would be helpful to suggest that he educate himself about parenting. There are now many online courses of this kind that he could take. You could gently tell your father that he may not be aware that the set of beliefs he learned from the older generation is actually very wrong. It might also be helpful to explain that all his methods of discipline could be counterproductive to your academic performance.

If a child is scolded for studying, it may create a link between studying and discomfort in your brain, which could lead to a fear and rejection of studying. It might be challenging for you to fully devote yourself to studying and focus on the content itself. Your motivation for studying may be more about avoiding punishment, which could make this approach less effective.

Secondly, you might also consider telling your father that our bodies are inherently intelligent. People are not learning machines that can be switched on and off all the time. Learning can be quite tiring, and the brain processes the information learned during the day while sleeping. It may be helpful to engage in appropriate forms of entertainment and communication with others, as this can relieve stress and help the brain recover so that it can be engaged in learning again.

Perhaps the real question here is whose wisdom we should consider: the wisdom of the exhausted or the wisdom of the energetic? It is up to you to decide which wisdom to follow, as it is your body and your wisdom that will guide you.

It may be helpful to consider that the need for sleep and recreational interaction is a manifestation of the body's wisdom. By restricting your activities, especially those unrelated to study, your father may be placing more trust in his own control than in the wisdom of your body. It's possible that he is unable to fully empathize with your feelings, which could contribute to a sense of detachment. This approach may not align with the desired outcome and could potentially lead to a decrease in learning efficiency.

It might be helpful to consider going out for a breath of fresh air at night to ensure safety as a way of relieving stress and self-regulation. It's possible that preventing you from doing so might make your situation worse. You might like to pay attention to the symptoms of not being able to sleep at night at such a young age and increase the time you spend relaxing and interacting with people.

It might be helpful to consider that spending all your time studying could potentially add to the burden on your already tired brain and make things worse.

Thirdly, you might consider explaining to your father that human emotions are psychological energy. If you are consistently scolded and beaten and are only able to endure it, these negative emotions will be suppressed in your heart and gradually accumulate. In order to prevent these energies from becoming uncontrolled, such as manifesting as attacks on others to vent your emotions, it is important to recognize that these emotions will quietly drain your energy all the time. This can result in a lack of energy and a sense of spirit that is not improving. You may find that you feel tired all day long even if you don't do anything. Additionally, being in a negative mood for a long time can also cause anxiety and depression, which can affect your concentration and self-discipline. Therefore, this method of discipline may not achieve the desired result.

Perhaps it would be helpful to ask him to stop supervising you like this, and to trust your body's wisdom and allow yourself to manage your own learning. You might like to consider discussing and writing down an agreement with him, in which you promise to ensure your own study and sleep time, and to have fun and communicate with friends within a suitable time frame.

You might consider reassuring him by sharing with him the names of your friends and the activities you engage in together. This could help to instil a sense of security and assurance that you will not engage in any harmful activities. You may also wish to consider adjusting the details of the agreement from time to time and sticking to it.

However, it should be noted that improving academic performance is a long-term process. In my opinion, persistence over a period of more than a year may have a positive effect.

If you are unable to identify any discernible patterns in your father's behavior, it is possible that he is grappling with a multitude of personal challenges that he is unable to cope with effectively. This may manifest as a tendency to direct his emotions towards you. In such a scenario, it is crucial to recognize that he may require assistance to navigate these difficulties. Seeking guidance from a professional psychologist could be a valuable step. At this juncture, it seems that your ability to communicate effectively with him may be limited. It is understandable that you may feel helpless in the face of such a challenging situation. However, it is important to recognize that you cannot control the actions of another individual. Instead, your focus should be on taking care of your own well-being and pursuing avenues that will bring you joy and fulfillment.

It might be beneficial to consider staying in school and studying as much as possible, as this could have a positive impact on your physical and mental health, allowing you to spend less time at home.

[2] How might you approach your test scores?

After each exam, it might be helpful to take some time to reflect on what went well and what could be improved. If you feel you could benefit from some guidance, your teacher may be able to help you identify areas where you could improve your knowledge and suggest ways to address any gaps.

I believe that one effective method for improving test scores is to first identify your unique challenges and then find a method that suits you to work on them in a targeted way. It's similar to how, when you're sick, it's important to get a diagnosis first, as otherwise, you might not get better if you take the wrong medicine.

In addition to the self-management agreement with his father, it would be beneficial for him to dedicate some time and energy to developing his learning abilities. This could include learning how to learn and developing the ability to learn independently. This would involve diagnosing his academic level, determining the specific reasons for any gaps, formulating learning plans and adjusting goals, and managing his own time schedule, including physical health and emotional self-control. This process could be carried out by taking stock after each exam and filling in the gaps. This approach could be more beneficial than repeatedly doing exercises and exams for improving academic performance.

Naturally, developing these abilities on your own is quite challenging and a lengthy process of trial and error, adjustment, and revision. It is my hope that your father understands that only by allowing you the freedom to experiment and by allowing you to experience setbacks and frustration will you be able to achieve results.

However, it is important to remember that self-change can be challenging, so it is not realistic to expect immediate changes from your father. The most you can do is remember how difficult it can be to care for yourself, acknowledge your efforts, and persevere in working towards your goal. I will support you in any way I can.

That's all I can say for now. I love you, and I'm sending positive thoughts your way.

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your message. Best regards, [Name]

Thank you for your message.

The aforementioned actions, including being hit, scolded, restrained, disrespected, and feeling aggrieved, distressed, and painful, are akin to abuse. Would you kindly inform your father of your feelings on the matter?

Is your perception of the relationship with your father influenced by his actions?

There is a constructive way to communicate that a decision is in the best interest of the other party.

Parents are in a position to offer guidance based on their experiences, but what they recommend may not align with your personal needs or preferences.

It is not uncommon for parents to employ inappropriate methods or adhere to outdated ideas and practices. This may be due to a failure to align their cognitive model with the evolving needs of their children.

You believe that your father loves you and that you have an intimate relationship. However, the scolding and beating have caused emotional distress. It would be beneficial for you to calm down and sit down with your father to discuss the situation.

Fathers are often viewed as symbols of authority and social rules, and may be perceived as awe-inspiring and irresistible. It is possible to express thoughts to a father and request the establishment of boundaries between you and respect for your privacy.

As an example, an agreement can be made with your father regarding your permitted activities and the situations that require his permission.

It is essential that we trust each other and care for each other.

I hope you find this information useful.