I have been in an online relationship with my boyfriend for 3 months. He has cheated before. What should I do?

Hello, question asker.

You worry a lot when you see your online boyfriend has cheated and is fickle.

You're torn and consumed by betrayal, aren't you?

I don't know you or your past relationships.

Your worries are not unreasonable. He has made you feel insecure.

Next, I'll discuss this from several perspectives.

You're from different places and this is an online relationship.

It's easier to fantasize in a love affair.

It doesn't bring enough security.

Second, things between him and his exes made you more suspicious.

You don't trust him.

You mentioned that you are five years older than him. This five-year age difference

You're more worried about your age and the fact that he can't offer you a stable future.

Reflect on this:

If he can't give you a better future, why stick around?

Rather than giving up?

What is it about him that makes you afraid to talk about the relationship being meaningless?

What about him attracts you and makes you afraid to end the relationship?

How much is your character to blame for this?

How much is your family of origin involved?

I'm Consultant Yao. I'll support and care for you!

Hello! I understand you're in a long-distance relationship with an older man who's been unfaithful. It's natural to feel insecure and confused. I'm here to support you.

The love triangle theory says that passion, intimacy, and commitment make up perfect love. Without any one of these, it's not love. Just as three points make a plane, these three things together make love.

You and he are in different places, and you support each other through words or videos. You may be emotionally close, but without passion and commitment, it seems that you can only call it "love-like love." Passion is a state of "strongly desiring to be united with the other person."

It means you feel excited when you meet someone and a fluttering sensation in your heart when you spend time with them. Passion comes from sexual needs, but other sources include self-esteem, care, belonging, dominance, and submission.

If you don't live with him, it's hard to feel passion. Without passion, love is like never having the exhilarating feeling of being in love. Commitment is a promise to stick with the relationship. In the short term, it's about loving someone. In the long term, it's about maintaining the relationship. Only with commitment can love feel sincere, secure, and future-oriented.

Your relationship makes you feel like you can't see a future together.

You said he's five years older. What do you think about that? You said you feel insecure. Are you worried you'll age faster than him?

If the two parties have a good relationship, an older man-younger woman relationship is not a problem. Many couples get along well together, regardless of age. If you are still troubled by the age difference, you are welcome to reply to the discussion.

Let's talk about love. Steinberg calls love with the three basic elements perfect love because it takes work to build a lasting relationship.

But having the three elements doesn't mean love will happen. Love takes work to balance passion, intimacy, and commitment. Love isn't easy. It's something you have to practice to get good at.

Love is a skill. Being loved is a skill too. It's an art. In today's world, it's not easy to talk about love in an artistic way.

To see if this online boyfriend can love you, look at whether you're passionate about being with him and if he has plans for the future. Does he work hard for the relationship? Does he understand your needs and address your insecurities? You can judge whether he can love you by his actions.

Love can only be cultivated through effort and practice by both parties.

We lack love. What are we worried about? We have the initiative, right?

Do you think you're worthy of love? What qualities do you have that attract others?

You are worthy of love. If your relationship is over, you will attract a boy who loves you even more. Believe in yourself and show your love. If you are troubled in a relationship, communicate with your partner, express your needs, and give them your love and support.

Both people in a relationship work together to make it better. This is a mature relationship.

Ready? I look forward to hearing from you.

Hello, question owner. I'm sending you a virtual hug to show my support.

Relationships are tough to predict. They're about intimacy between two people, and they can't be resolved by just one person. It's tough to predict the future! The future of a relationship is also about marriage, which is part of real life. Based on the description in the question, "more separation than togetherness" is more about the virtual world of the Internet. I don't think the questioner would put their marriage online.

Let's get back to the practical level. This would happen to anyone, and it would be very disconcerting. I really sympathize with the OP. When the man you really like cheats on you, would you choose to forgive him because you like him?

Or should you continue to trust your boyfriend or choose not to forgive and break up? You really need to calm down and think twice. You should not jump to conclusions. You might as well explore what you should do.

First, take a step back and look at the situation. If you and your boyfriend can still get along, it's likely that the problem lies within the relationship. In any relationship, there are two key aspects to consider: what's going on with your partner right now, and what you need from them.

(1) The other person involved (boyfriend)

(1) The current situation

Do you really need to find out if he cheated? Was it just a one-time thing (like an accident or a justified reason)?

If there's been no infidelity, it's a lot easier. Just listen patiently and calmly to what they have to say and accept the situation. Then, you can adjust your own behaviour.

If it was just a one-off, can the OP accept this and allow the other person to change? Perhaps they could give each other an explanation or some time to start again?

If this has happened more than once, can the person asking the question accept this fact and try to get to know the other person again? Think about starting a new relationship from a different perspective.

(2) Based on what we've discussed, try to understand the other person's attitude.

In the first situation, the person apologizes sincerely and from the heart.

The reasons given are acceptable to the questioner, and a promise is made (mainly apologies, whether they are reliable, whether the promise can be kept, etc.). At this time, the questioner still loves you very much, so it may be a good idea to take the opportunity to give each other some time and give each other a chance to accept you and continue the relationship.

If you're not sure if you love each other enough, ask yourself why. If you can't figure it out, you can find a listener on the Yi Xinli platform to talk to and explore it together. You might come up with some new ideas.

The second situation is when someone makes a perfunctory apology. This could be for accidentally crossing a line, feeling guilty, having a negative attitude, asking for forgiveness, making a superficial apology, not showing obvious remorse, being slow to respond, and so on. I believe the questioner has their own intuition and judgment, so they should listen to their heart and decide whether they can accept it. Should they reconsider the strength of their bond?

If the foundation isn't strong, should you propose or break up as soon as possible?

The third situation is when there's no sincerity or intention to apologize, and no desire to stay together at all. This could be because there's no sign of guilt, the other person is acting as if nothing happened, they're ignoring your feelings, or they don't want to explain. This behavior shows that the person simply does not want to continue the relationship. They just don't want to be the one to break up with you. They're waiting for you to do it first. In this situation, you must definitely break up.

[Friendly reminder] In an intimate relationship, both parties care about and care for each other. If this doesn't exist, you should insist that "there is no need to hesitate, there is no need to be reluctant to let go, and lowering one's self-worth is also a kind of self-harm."

(2) The self-aspect is the most important one.

(1) The current situation: Keep an eye on how he acts and see if he sticks to his promises.

First, learn to pay attention to the way they interact with each other. In the future relationship, you should also pay attention to how they interact with others in general.

For instance, every cat loves fishy food. It's tough to get your heart back after tasting the sweetness. You've got to watch carefully for a while to make sure the other person has really changed before you can trust them.

(2) The current situation and defining the boundaries of the relationship

To keep this kind of relationship going, it's important to agree on some boundaries that work for both of you. You can always talk through things and find a way to compromise.

3) Keep an eye on your emotions and work on improving your own qualities.

It's important to remember that relationships are fragile, especially intimate ones between two people. Even if trust is re-established and the relationship is maintained, it can still be difficult to repair a broken relationship. That's why it's so important to support each other in learning and self-improvement, and to regulate your own state of mind and emotions.

The 1 Psychological platform has courses on improving self-emotion and self-growth that you can view and register for based on your needs.

I hope these answers are helpful to the questioner.

Hi, I'm Peiwen, a listener on the Yi Xinli platform. I just wanted to say that I love the world and I love you!