I have no confidence in social interactions and fear rejection and not being accepted. How can I change?

Hello.

A pat on the shoulder. The questioner may find it difficult to feel the sense of relief and pleasure brought about by socializing. However, not loving socializing or not being good at it does not cause problems in itself. As long as we learn how to express our thoughts and feelings, the listener will not turn away, but will be able to understand us better.

I need to change how I think. I'm afraid of being rejected and afraid of not being accepted. I know I can't let that stop me.

The title succinctly summarizes the questioner's current situation and the problems encountered. Let's take a look together at what problems have caused him to always be unable to socialize confidently. There's no rush.

I'm not good at making friends. I've become less and less confident because I'm always ignored. I speak in a submissive manner, afraid of saying the wrong thing. This may be the reason why I've always been invisible.

I got used to being alone and it was nice. I didn't have to cater to or compromise with other people.

But after starting work, I realized that socializing is still very important. I learned to change myself, and I can now greet and exchange pleasantries with different colleagues. I admire some colleagues, and I know that they have such a good relationship that they often have dinner together.

I don't get how they get along.

From the first paragraph of the questioner's true description, it's clear that the questioner wasn't an unwilling talker or someone who refused to socialize. They were simply unable to attract the attention of others and felt ignored. This lack of support and encouragement led to a lack of confidence in socializing.

Another problem the questioner has overlooked is this: is socializing the exclusive right of only extroverts, lively and cute people? If so, many people will end up lonely in their old age. There are extroverted, lively and cute people with extroverted personalities and vice versa. Extroverted, lively and cute people can get more attention at first, but many people like the quiet and introverted personality of introverts. However, most people have not reached the stage of getting to know each other better, and introverts give up first, making it difficult for the other person to get to know them better.

When I entered the workplace, I still retained my original socialization concepts. This made it difficult for me to open up. As a result, I was unable to understand why I felt "left out" when everyone else was getting along well. In other words, my socialization concepts and abilities had not improved. This led to recurring problems. I couldn't understand other people's thoughts, and at the same time, other colleagues couldn't understand me either. We each drew our own circles. This meant that although we were in the same room, there was no communication. This blocked the exchange of information.

Let's talk about the "group project." In a realistic environment like the workplace, this will undoubtedly become a source of stress for many people. This is not only the pressure of the questioner himself, but also that of other colleagues—everyone's pressure. At this time, if they meet someone who is more proactive and sincere, they will surely be the most ideal type of person.

Naturally, they will think of people with whom they usually have a good relationship. A good relationship means "safety" and "stability," but this is not directly linked to ability, so the "choice of person" fluctuates. If the questioner takes the initiative to fight for themselves and express that they can do more for the next topic, their colleagues will not be surprised. Negotiation leads to respect and understanding, which may not necessarily be shared by people with a good relationship.

Express your needs.

1. Don't be sensitive. Speak up and reach an agreement. The questioner is sensitive because they find it difficult to open up and communicate normally. Not all conversations need to be lively. Sometimes communication can be very casual. As long as there is sincerity, the listener will be willing to listen. So don't be sensitive. Give the other person and yourself a chance. The worst outcome may not happen. You will get a chance instead.

For example, the questioner can find a colleague they trust and ask them directly, "I'd like to talk to you about my ideas for the group project. I'd like to know if you're interested in hearing them." Or, they can ask firmly, "Do you already have a group member? I'd like to team up with you. I'm ready to get started."

Let go of the idea that socializing is suffocating. Let go of your sensitivity and emotions. Express yourself freely.

2. Accept your own shortcomings and allow yourself to have negative emotions.

While most people can achieve a rhythm of communication that allows them to deepen their understanding, those who are sensitive may find it more exhausting because they are not as adept at socializing. Additionally, they may become fatigued more easily due to the influx of information. It is essential for them to learn to accept themselves and allow their negative emotions. During a conversation, if you feel tired, you can also express your true thoughts. The other person will accept your thoughts because you have asked about their thoughts and feelings, which is to gain their consent. This will make the other person feel valued and respected, and the two parties can happily and freely start and end the chat.

Finally, people who are not good at socializing often procrastinate until the last minute to complete group tasks because they are not good at socializing themselves. This makes the final period even more difficult. The advice here is to push forward with the task. Setbacks are part of the adult world, so there is no need to be discouraged if it is achieved or rejected.

You've got this. Keep up the good work!

Hello, landlord! I saw your description and I totally get where you're coming from. We're all afraid of being rejected by others, right? When that happens, it can feel really embarrassing. We all have these beautiful aspirations in our hearts, but they can get suddenly extinguished like being poured cold water on. We can also feel embarrassed sometimes. I hope that my sharing can help you...

Rejection and being rejected are just part and parcel of life!

Let's start by chatting about "refusing" and "being refused."

It can be tough to say this word in our relationships. We often think that if we reject someone, it doesn't matter.

It's so important to remember that if you're afraid to be straightforward and refuse someone, it's because you're taking yourself too seriously and worrying that your heart will break if you say no to someone.

It's not always clear whether the person you're talking to wants you or not. They might be trying out a lot of different options, so it's not surprising if they don't seem interested. It's always worth being honest and saying no if you don't feel it's the right fit. You might end up with someone who isn't right for you, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

In this society of human relationships, it can be really tough to say no. On the one hand, people are afraid that others won't be able to handle their rejection. On the other hand, they're worried that if they reject others, the other party will have a bad impression of them.

It's totally normal to feel a bit awkward about saying no sometimes. We all do it! But it's important to remember that rejection isn't the same as being denied. If someone rejects you, it doesn't mean they don't love you or that you're unlovable. It just means that this particular path isn't right for you at the moment. And that's okay!

We've all been rejected before, and it's okay! Rejection is not the same as being denied. The rejection gesture is not indifferent. There's no need to feel ashamed of being rejected; it just means that this path is not viable for the time being.

I'd like to share a lovely quote from the wonderful psychologist Li Xuezeng: "When someone refuses, it doesn't mean they think less of you, that your request is unreasonable, or that they don't care about you. They simply mean that they don't want to do it right now. While they're refusing, they won't shut themselves off. They'll still feel your love, understand your needs, understand their own needs, and let our needs work together to create a way to love."

Absolutely! When someone rejects us, they're rejecting our request, not us. There's absolutely no need to feel embarrassed or hurt.

And please remember:

Rejection and being rejected is just part and parcel of life. We all spend every day rejecting and being rejected, so let's try to relax a little!

Please relax a little, everyone is an adult here. You can say no to others directly, and others can say no to you directly.

I really believe that when we figure this out, our hearts will feel a lot better.

I really hope this is helpful for you!

Hello, question asker!

It's tough to give advice on your fear of rejection in social situations in just a short description of 400 words or so. Even so, I hope I can still help you out a bit in my answer and show you there are more possibilities when you're anxious about this.

[See the problem as an opportunity]

You used to be ignored in social situations, so you also think you are not good at making friends and have no confidence in socializing. Therefore, in your daily life, the state that makes you feel comfortable is getting used to being alone and not having to cater to or accommodate others. However, after starting work, you have made a few changes in order to better adapt to your environment, such as saying hello and exchanging pleasantries with different colleagues.

Now, something new has come up. A task that should be simple but needs three people to complete at work has popped up like a roadblock, forcing you to make further attempts. You've brought it up here, and you can also see it as an opportunity to keep growing in interpersonal communication.

We've all got to start somewhere.

You've been working on this "minor project" for several years without getting involved, which has affected your assessment of your title. So you finally decided to start this year. According to your original plan, you'll take the lead and find two other colleagues to be named, and there's no problem communicating this to you.

Since you're pregnant and unable to do it yourself, you have two options: wait until after you give birth and return to work, or get someone else to put your name on the work. The first option might mean a year's delay, so you're thinking of going for the second option. It's time to take responsibility for your choices and take this step courageously.

[Practicing in advance is the best way to overcome interpersonal anxiety.]

[Rehearsing in advance is the best way to overcome interpersonal anxiety.]

It's normal to feel anxious about communication because of previous experiences, and to worry that others will reject you. To ease your anxiety, you can rehearse in your mind before each communication, for example, how you will start the conversation, how the other person will respond if they agree, and how they will respond if they refuse.

Based on what you know about each colleague and your experience of interacting with them every day, you can practice the conversation with each of them separately. Then, start with the easier ones, in order of how easy you find it to communicate.

I hope the questioner has a happy pregnancy and a smooth task!

I hope the questioner has a happy pregnancy and that the "minor topic" task goes well!

Good day, I am Teacher Yuxin. It appears that you have experienced a combination of a real-life event and a psychological challenge.

I believe it would be beneficial to address these issues individually and in a systematic manner.

1. [First look at the psychological level]

From your description, it appears that you have some difficulty accepting your psychological characteristic of being "unsociable."

It may be the case that you did not choose to be unsociable, but rather have to be a transparent person.

It is possible that you experience feelings of "catering to the mediocre" during social interactions, which are not conducive to self-esteem.

It is possible that you have observed a discrepancy between your social skills and those of others, but have attributed this to a personal deficiency.

Perhaps you excel at tasks that have clear standards and can define right and wrong. In the absence of clear standards in social interactions, you may feel uncertain about your lack of sociability.

These feelings of helplessness and powerlessness impede your ability to view your lack of sociability as a characteristic in an objective manner.

From a psychological standpoint, evaluating one's own psychological characteristics can lead to generalized anxiety about real-life events. In other words, how we perceive ourselves affects our ability to perform tasks effectively.

Typically, negative self-evaluation results in a narrow focus on the aspects that are "particularly challenging."

It is important to note that this is about how you perceive yourself, not how you change yourself. No one is perfect, but there are individuals who fully accept themselves.

It is my understanding that a significant portion of the population is not inclined to engage in social activities. They tend to adhere to their own values, prioritize present-moment experiences over fantasies, and derive satisfaction from action rather than mere discussion. They have established a lifestyle that aligns with their preferences.

It is widely acknowledged that social interaction is a key aspect of socialization. Some parents also tend to value extroverted children for various reasons. While these views are recognized, it is important to maintain an objective stance and not necessarily endorse them. There is no standard for what characteristics are good or bad in a specific individual.

It is relatively simple to dispense advice, but it is a different matter to be genuinely uncertain in social situations. The process of "accepting yourself" cannot be achieved merely by listening to advice; rather, it can be facilitated by experiencing a sense of being accepted and by establishing a counseling relationship.

2. [Address emotions before addressing matters]

For the sake of this discussion, let's assume that the psychological difficulties can be set aside and we can focus on the event itself.

I believe that you have more experience in this field than I do.

The current issue is how to form a task group. I can suggest how to plan, how many possible candidates there are, and what ways there are to invite others while reducing face-to-face interactions. Please feel free to correct and supplement the specifics.

By releasing your psychological constraints, you will naturally gain a broader perspective.

3. Finally, I have a question regarding the progress of individuals who form groups through social investment.

Best regards,

Give the questioner a hug! I can feel the questioner's inner tension, anxiety, and fear when facing normal interpersonal interactions. It's totally normal to feel this way! The fear of being rejected can cause even more anxiety, which can affect some of their verbal behavior and expression. Some things that should have been expressed may not have been, and some inappropriate information may have been expressed, giving the other person some misinformation and leading to misunderstandings about the questioner. This can result in responses that the questioner cannot understand or accept, which can make them feel uncomfortable in a way that is different from what they expected. It's okay to feel this way! The inner tension, anxiety, and fear increase, and they are even more afraid to express their thoughts.

This is how many people's interpersonal relationships are limited. It's totally normal to be afraid sometimes! But when we're afraid, we might not express our thoughts as much as we'd like. And when we don't express ourselves, we might feel more nervous. And when we feel more nervous, we might do or say things we don't mean to. And when we do that, it can make us feel even more afraid. This can create a vicious cycle of tension and fear. These tensions will be expressed through our words and actions, but the person on the other end might not understand why we're nervous. They might make judgments based on how they feel when they're with us. This kind of communication can make it hard for us to understand each other directly and clearly. It can also make it hard for us to build trust and a good relationship with the other person.

There's a golden rule in relationships that I think we can all agree on: if you want others to treat you a certain way, you've got to treat yourself and others a certain way first. If you want to build good relationships with others, you've got to work on your own issues first.

Take some time for yourself to understand what your fear of rejection is trying to tell you. Think about what rejection means to you and try to get to the heart of your inner world. You'll be amazed at what you discover!

Once you understand this, you may know what you want. You can express your thoughts in an appropriate way during interactions with others, so that others can know exactly and directly what you want. Of course, if you're not ready to express yourself, that's okay! You can first listen to what others are saying, observe the tone of voice, attitude and expression of others when they speak, and be aware of your own feelings at this moment.

Then, just put yourself in the other person's shoes for a moment. If it were you speaking, what would you say? You can practice a few times and feel how you feel when you say it like this. This can also help you improve your ability to express yourself, which is always a good thing!

It's so often the case that the thoughts in our hearts can only be understood if we express them in the right words. If we keep them to ourselves, no one can see or hear them, and they won't understand our thoughts. The questioner wants to know if others are willing to cooperate with them. They can just ask directly. Whether or not to say it is up to the questioner, not anyone else. Only by asking will they know what the answer will be.

At the end of the day, whether someone agrees or disagrees is up to them. It all depends on whether the other person has a need or interest in the matter. This is also not something the questioner can control. It's not like they have to agree or disagree when they speak.

Rejection is nothing to be ashamed of, my friend. It's a part of life. Especially in sales, you'll face rejection time and time again. And love? Well, you'll face rejection there too!

It's really important to understand why someone has rejected you. It could be because of something you did or something about you, or it could be because of something they thought you did or something about them. Either way, it's good to understand the reason. If you feel like you're not good enough when you're rejected, it can really hurt your self-confidence. And if you feel like you're not good enough, you'll be even more afraid to try again. But if everyone thinks this way, we'll never be able to progress as a society.

It can be tough to deal with rejection, but it's important to try to see it in a positive light. If you can, try to understand yourself and your expectations. You'll be able to respect, trust, understand, recognize, and accept yourself and your thoughts. You'll also be able to respect, trust, understand, recognize, and accept the other person as an independent individual who will have different ideas. This will help you to not feel so bad about having different thoughts and wishes.

Good day, question asker. It is a pleasure to meet you. I hope I can be of assistance in finding solutions to your problems. I am Zi Ding Ya Xiang, the answer expert.

Perhaps the best thing to do would be to give the original poster a big hug. It seems that you're pregnant and still bothered by trivial matters.

After taking the time to carefully read the questioner's confession, let's work together to identify the current problems and find solutions.

1. The questioner appears to be experiencing social anxiety. It seems that the questioner is often concerned about being ignored, saying the wrong thing, or not being the center of attention, which may have contributed to a loss of confidence in making friends.

2. The questioner believes that making friends means catering to others and compromising. It is not necessary for a person to make friends, and I will not have the problem of catering to others.

3. A lack of teamwork may result from an inclination to work independently and a limited engagement in team-related activities. This could potentially contribute to a lack of interest in working on small tasks, which in turn may give rise to feelings of anxiety.

People live in a large community, and many things need to be done through social activities. It is worth noting that being afraid of social behavior may result in feelings of isolation within the community, which could potentially limit one's ability to accomplish certain tasks. How might one become more comfortable in social situations?

It would be beneficial to enrich your language base and read more current news and social trends. It might also be helpful to try to make more friends and learn to listen to what other people are talking about.

It might be helpful to use your knowledge base to find common ground and opportunities to continue the conversation.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to have confidence. There is no definitive right or wrong way to chat; there are simply different opinions on the same subject.

It might be helpful to consider stepping outside of your comfort zone and integrating into a new social circle, even if it's just a little bit at a time. This can be a great way to meet new people and make friends.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to consider participating in more group activities. This can be a great way to gain a deeper understanding of the group dynamic.

Group activities can be a great way to identify areas for improvement and make necessary adjustments. For instance, your small project might benefit from some adjustments.

It often takes a team to get things done, and this is when the importance of interpersonal relationships becomes apparent.

If I could make one more suggestion, it would be to take this small topic as an example. Perhaps you could take the initiative and find a few colleagues you usually get along with to discuss it together. Even if they refuse, there is no need to think too much about it.

There is no need to spend a short time cramming to maintain interpersonal relationships. You may find that simply putting forward your own ideas is all that is required. Perhaps many things are just what you think. You may wish to consider taking the initiative and giving it a try.

I hope the above has been helpful and inspiring for you.

It would be greatly beneficial for you to try to stay in a good mood during your pregnancy.

Hello, I am Teng Ying, a psychological counselor. I can empathize with your feelings. You are troubled by your communication skills. You don't have the energy to do small tasks yourself, you want to ask for help but are afraid of being rejected, and you don't know how to solve problems through communication. This dilemma presents a challenge for you.

Could I ask you to consider the reasons behind this?

You mentioned that you find it challenging to make friends. It seems that your confidence has been affected by the lack of attention you've experienced.

It seems that you would really appreciate being seen by others.

Could I ask whether this feeling of being ignored was a constant in your childhood? Did you only feel ignored when you were with friends, or did it also exist in your family?

How do you typically feel in the presence of your family? Do you feel that your parents pay you much attention?

It is hoped that this process will help you to identify the underlying reasons for your feelings of being ignored. It is possible that a lack of self-confidence may also be caused by a lack of love and attention in close relationships during your childhood.

If a child receives little attention and companionship from their parents during their childhood, especially before the age of three, they may develop a lower sense of self-worth. They may feel like they don't exist, or they may think they are not worth paying attention to. These feelings can have a lasting impact on the child.

A child who grows up with this lack of self-confidence may tend to avoid others, be afraid to express their thoughts, not be used to facing the gaze of others, and unconsciously choose to hide or act as if they were invisible. It is important to recognize that being ignored is sometimes not about other people's attitudes, but the position you give yourself.

How might this situation be improved?

You mentioned that after work, you realize that socializing is still very important to you and that you are learning to change yourself. I can sense that you want to get out of that position of being ignored.

Do you feel that you are in that position because someone else put you there, or is it your own choice? If it seems from the start that we are not taking the initiative in social situations, could that lead others to think that you enjoy being in that kind of situation?

If you're looking to make a change, it might be helpful to start with yourself.

Perhaps it would be helpful to give yourself a little confidence. From your account, it seems you may have already labeled yourself as "poor at socializing."

First, I would like to suggest that you try to give yourself a little more confidence. From your account, I can sense that you have already labelled yourself as "poor at socializing", which is something I would like to help you change.

It might be the case that you haven't yet had the opportunity to try it, and it would be unfair to tell yourself that you can't do it before you've even given it a go. It's always worth giving things a chance before making up your mind. It's important to think carefully about whether this is the right thing for you to do.

Second, it might be helpful to take the initiative and give it a try. You might as well ask yourself: "Is being rejected" or "worrying about being rejected" more terrifying?

Second, it might be helpful to take the initiative and give it a try. You might as well ask yourself: "Is being rejected" or "worrying about being rejected" more terrifying?

It is important to remember that even those who are very sociable can experience rejection, and this is a perfectly normal part of life. When we communicate with others, there are many different potential outcomes, and rejection is only one possibility.

It is important to note that the fear of rejection can potentially hinder the communication process, as it may prevent the initial step of initiating a conversation.

It is possible that the initial communication may be somewhat stressful, so it might be helpful to prepare more in advance. You may wish to consider preparing both the words you will use to communicate with others and the responses you will give if you are accepted or rejected.

You may wish to try this when you feel ready. It is often the case that a little courage is all that is needed to get closer to other people.

Third, you might like to consider ways of boosting your sense of self-worth. One approach could be to identify more of your own strengths and write them down, then read them to yourself.

Third, you might consider ways to boost your sense of self-worth. One approach could be to identify more of your own strengths and write them down, then read them to yourself.

This method may seem a bit unconventional, but it has proven to be quite effective. Believing in your own value and worthiness of affirmation can help you to feel more present in your interactions with others.

In any case, those who wish to make changes are courageous. I applaud your courage. I hope this is helpful.

In this specific case, there are all kinds of possible worries, but there are also opposite results. The only way to find out for sure is to give it a try! You've got this! There is no doubt about it: you are more motivated to try and work hard than to worry and be afraid, right?

You're not afraid of anything! You're ready to form a team and find teammates. You're excited to contribute and build connections.

It's precisely when you have no confidence in relationships and connections that things are not as difficult as they seem — and that's when the magic happens!

First of all, this is not a difficult topic at all! According to you, the purpose of one person doing the work and two people being named is to evaluate the title, which is equivalent to a small essay.

Of course, you need to do something and make an effort, but that's about it! If your original plan was to do it yourself and you don't have any concerns about failure, then you're already halfway there. It's not a laborious task, so there's no need to stress. And if you want to be a nominal partner and sell face while still being able to help out when needed, that is also within the expectations of others and is totally acceptable!

I'm excited to learn more about the concept of one person doing the work while the other two are just listed as co-workers. Is it because one person is enough, or is it because they can't divide up the work?

Or should one person take the lead and the other provide support? It would be great to know if there are any restrictions due to the work or the subject.

If it's just a routine, you should absolutely seek a team in a cooperative manner! You can also do some paperwork if necessary when you're pregnant. In this way, even if you still owe people a favor, it's much easier than just being a nominal member.

No matter which way or which role, you always need teammates! It's a great idea to consider which teammates are more suitable and easier to communicate with.

For example, think about things like familiarity, personality, position, and relationship. Who's the best overall candidate? When you find the perfect person, you'll feel so much more certain. Once you have a reason, things suddenly become much more certain!

Then asking someone to join a team is just routine. And you know what? If you find someone reliable and ask them to join the team, they'll say yes! Even if the relationship with the colleague is just average, they'll still be willing to help.

If you have to do a "small task," why not bring someone along? It's a great way to make the task more fun and get it done faster! And if you can bring someone along but don't, you might be unnecessarily offending the person.

Do you think you would do that? Don't worry, we are all normal people, and no one would do that. But you can!

If you owe someone a favor, help them out, and then invite them out to dinner to cheer them up. After the job is done, treat them to a meal to show your appreciation. You may just make a friend! Sometimes it's easier to get someone to do something for you than to do something for them, so give it a try!

I wish you all the happiness in the world!

Hello, question asker. After reading your description:

I'm not good at socializing. I was ignored, so I became less confident. I spoke submissively, afraid of saying the wrong thing. This may be why I'm transparent.

I got used to being alone. It was nice not having to cater to or compromise with other people.

I want to find someone to give me a name, but I don't know who to ask. I'm worried people won't want to, and I'm afraid of being rejected. I don't know how to communicate with people.

You want to fit in and not be alone. When we were young and didn't get enough love, we tried to please others and be like them. We became fake.

We try to create a good image to make people like us. Even if we do, some people may not like us. The same is true if we are true to ourselves. Some people may like us, and some may not.

Have we ever expressed our thoughts in life? We can prepare for the worst. If no one agrees to help us with a small task, we can ask them to try to say it and express our thoughts first. The worst that can happen is that they won't agree, but at least we tried. Because we are afraid of rejection, we simply don't say what we think.

It's not wrong to refuse. We have the right to speak our minds. Life is not just about small issues. When we open our hearts and minds, we no longer fear a beautiful image or a perfect self. Being true is more important. Even if no one likes us, we are still the best.

We can express our needs.

It's up to them if they accept or not. We need to speak up first.

I have to say it for others to understand and accept me.

Be aware of who you are and what's changed. Maybe things will change slowly over time.

Best wishes! I'm late. One Psychology, World, and I Love You.

Hello, I can relate to feeling sad when I read that you feel ignored. We all don't want to be ignored, but sometimes we prefer to be ignored because we are afraid of not being accepted and of being rejected.

If you're rejected in a relationship, it'll make you feel worse.

I'm curious if your lack of confidence and tendency to agree with others is due to a fear of saying the wrong thing and being rejected because you don't feel good enough. You seem to feel powerless, nervous, and cautious when it comes to relationships.

I get the feeling you felt ignored during your growth process. Did you feel unloved?

If you do feel that way, you need to remind yourself that it's not your fault, you haven't been treated properly, and you don't have to shoulder this responsibility alone. You deserve to be liked and taken seriously.

If you can look at yourself this way, I think you'll be able to ask for help and speak up about what you need.

I think to solve the problem you're facing now, you need to think about this: if you make your request, will no one really help you? Or are you afraid of being rejected and so you're afraid to do so?

You might find that the psychological reality and the feeling of reality are different when you try.

You can try hugging yourself and telling yourself, "I deserve help! I deserve to be taken seriously!"

Hello, question asker. Thanks for sharing.

Adler, the founder of individual psychology and Austrian pioneer of humanistic psychology, said, "The meaning of life lies in dedication and cooperation." These involve dealing with people.

If we don't interact with others, we stop developing.

You said you're used to being alone and don't have to cater to or compromise with other people. But you realized social skills are still important after starting work.

In "Inferiority and Transcendence," Adler wrote, "Shouldn't one first protect one's own interests and develop one's own personality before talking about dedication?"

He continued, "When a person gives meaning to their own life, contributes to society, and directs all their emotions towards this goal, they will adjust themselves to the goal, cultivate their social emotions, enrich themselves through continuous learning, and equip themselves with the ability and skills to solve various problems in life."

You've made changes.

I try to change myself, but I can only say hello to different colleagues. I admire some colleagues who often have dinner together.

I don't get how they get along.

Your lack of sociability has affected your career.

"It's useful to do small tasks to evaluate your title. I haven't done it in years and I'm lagging behind. I want to overcome this early so I won't be anxious."

You may still see interpersonal interactions as a "flood." There is not much improvement in practical operations.

☘️ It takes three people to get this done. I was going to do it myself this year, so I could find anyone I wanted to and they could just sign their names without having to do any work.

I'm pregnant and can't do it. I want to find someone to put my name on it, but I don't know who to ask. I'm worried people won't want to, that I'll be rejected, and that will make me anxious. I don't know how to communicate with people.

"☘️

I can't discuss what's stopping you here, but I can give you a few tips on how to approach this step-by-step.

Make the completion of the project your goal. It is meaningful to you.

② Know what you need to do to achieve this goal.

③ Find out what you need to learn to complete these tasks.

4. How to learn and get these skills.

Learn these skills.

...

Best wishes!

Good day. I am the source of peace of mind.

You lack confidence in social interactions, have difficulty making friends, and are concerned about being rejected and not being accepted. I can sense your inner turmoil, frustration, helplessness, and powerlessness.

The individual in question has indicated that they lack proficiency in social interaction, citing a history of being ignored as a primary factor contributing to their current level of confidence. They have also described a tendency to speak in a submissive manner, driven by a fear of making mistakes.

Please clarify what is meant by "always ignored." Does this refer to a situation where no one ever speaks to you?

Is there a lack of attention and interest in your contributions? Are your opinions and feelings overlooked?

If an individual initiates a conversation or extends an invitation, how would you respond? Do you desire recognition and engagement from others?

It is possible that you desire to form friendships, integrate into groups, and be accepted and liked by others. However, there may also be an underlying fear and resistance to this. This could be due to a fear of being rejected or denied.

It may be the case that you feel neglected and believe it is safer to be invisible.

Remaining in the background, without engaging with others, eliminates the risk of making mistakes or causing offence. It also removes the possibility of experiencing disappointment and allows you to avoid facing the feelings of worthlessness and shame that have been affecting you.

I'm unsure. When did you first experience these feelings? You may find it helpful to reflect on your childhood experiences.

Please describe your parents' attitude towards you when you were a child, and indicate how you felt in that situation.

Please describe your relationship with your parents. Did you feel accepted, recognized, included, and loved by them? Or did your parents provide you with sufficient security?

It is possible that the way your parents treated you, or the long-term patterns of interaction between you and your parents, may have influenced the way you interact with others now. You may wish to consider this.

Subsequently, you became accustomed to your own company and found that you were not required to accommodate or cater to others, which gave you a sense of satisfaction.

In this context, the term "habit" could be interpreted as a helpless act, particularly given the difficulty in forming social connections. It's important to note that this may not be the intended meaning.

This is why you are experiencing confusion and a sense of being adrift. You have sought assistance from this platform, is that correct?

Please advise if I have misunderstood.

Indeed, I also enjoy periods of solitude, but it is important to note that solitude does not equate to isolation. In any social context, individuals are inherently connected to one another.

It is possible to limit one's social interactions, but it is not feasible to eliminate them entirely.

It is important to note that socializing is a key aspect of professional life. For instance, many individuals find that social interactions become more crucial after they start working.

Once you recognize this, you can begin to learn how to adapt your behavior. Even a simple greeting or small talk represents a significant improvement, and I am pleased to see your progress.

In your description, you admire colleagues who have a good relationship and often have dinner together. Do you hope that one day you will also be comfortable in social situations?

Perhaps you simply admire their social skills and do not aspire to live in that manner.

It appears that the matter that causes you the greatest concern at this time is the minor project, given its connection to the title evaluation and the evident importance you place on it.

I am curious as to why, despite the usefulness of minor topics in job title evaluation, you have not addressed them in recent years. Given the current circumstances, why have you chosen to do so now, during this special period of pregnancy? Please provide an explanation of your considerations.

Please advise on the potential implications of postponing until after the birth.

From your previous description, it seems that you and your colleagues are not particularly close. However, this does not necessarily preclude the possibility of a positive outcome.

In your description, you expressed concern about potential rejection and its impact on your anxiety. You also indicated a need for guidance on effective communication.

I can see your concerns and apprehensions, as well as your desire to communicate with others. Currently, you may lack a certain degree of courage and self-assurance. Be proactive in pursuing your goals and actively engage in communication with your colleagues.

You have already demonstrated your awareness of the value of social interaction by initiating greetings and pleasantries with your colleagues. I encourage you to continue this positive step by identifying a colleague with whom you can openly and honestly discuss your requests and expectations.

In terms of how to express it, I would like to suggest that you are the one facing the problem and therefore the expert on it. You have the most experience and knowledge of the problem because you are directly involved with it, you feel it the most, and you have the most input.

I am confident that you possess the strength, wisdom, and ability to find the answer on your own.

I would like to conclude by recommending "Nonviolent Communication," which may assist you in articulating your needs more effectively.

Hello! I'm happy to share my views with you.

Social problems can cause distress. Socializing is a form of communication. The questioner's distress has two parts: real and psychological. We will discuss these parts one by one.

The questioner has summed up the reasons for the formation of "social phobia" very well. Neglect leads to a lack of confidence, and the worse one's social performance, the more "poor" it becomes. Then one is even more neglected and not accepted, and later simply "gives up" and chooses another way of life that allows one to "escape from social interaction."

You can learn to communicate better with training. You can't be good at everything, so don't worry if you're not. It will affect your training if you do.

The questioner must understand that poor social skills are normal. Just as we don't feel ashamed for not speaking French, we shouldn't feel ashamed for having poor social skills. First, let go of the burden of thought.

People with good social skills understand others' needs and can meet them.

Caring for others is often the best way to meet their emotional needs. But you also have to be able to help them when they need it. It's not enough to just know how to communicate.

The best way to overcome social anxiety is to help others. Once you start, it will get easier to socialize.

Being a person and doing things are different. Being a person requires principles, and doing things requires methods. Paying for what you use now is not a bad way to solve urgent problems. If you need something from someone, show your good will first. Give a small gift, treat someone to a meal, etc. The process should be natural and not too abrupt. For example, you can say where you went on vacation or what you did. Then, bring back a gift for the other person.

Being rejected is no big deal. We all dislike it, but everyone has been rejected before.

We don't get overjoyed when we're rejected. What makes us uncomfortable is that we value ourselves too highly.

Socializing is a two-way process. It's about giving and showing yourself. Showing yourself can help you attract others. It's important to understand others and to be understood. This takes time.

Socializing is a two-way process. It's not just about giving. You also need to learn to show yourself. This can help you attract others and build good relationships. It's important to understand others and to be understood. This takes time and practice. Believe in yourself and work hard!

I'm a counselor, Xiaodong. Have a happy life!

I'm Xiao Dong, a counselor. Have a happy life!